


Pixel Dreams of You

by sailorloona



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Arcade AU, F/F, Friendly competition, Retro 80’s, Rivals to Friends to Lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:29:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 238,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22839325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sailorloona/pseuds/sailorloona
Summary: It’s 1985 and Jung Jinsoul has a hard time keeping with up all the trends and boys chasing after her. But none of it matters when her reign of being the top scorer of her favorite arcade game comes to an end.Jinsoul deals with an arcade ghost by the name of Yves.Always beating her high score.Never leaving her thoughts.What happens when she finally meets the ghost, not actually dead and all too real?
Relationships: Ha Sooyoung | Yves & Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul, Ha Sooyoung | Yves/Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul
Comments: 395
Kudos: 1066





	1. Busting Sticky Buttons

“But you said you loved me.” 

“I lied...I just really wanted the jacket.” Jinsoul glances down at her near and dear triple fat goose coat. The one she begged her boy...well now ex boyfriend to buy her one day and finally convinced when she batted her eyelashes and said ‘ _ but I love you, don’t you want me to look cute just for you? _ Jinsoul patted herself on her back for her acting skills, just like she will later tonight for this amazing scene she’s pulling off at the moment.

She smiles and twirls her hair,“I’m sorry Minho baby but you know how I am, I didn’t mean any hurt feelings.” The tennis star, the most popular dude on her campus, looks like a total loser now. 

He has tears in his eyes and he’s forgotten to shave ever since Jinsoul had broken up with him over the phone, the blonde twirled her finger into the curves of the home line as she told her gruffy voiced boyfriend it was getting boring. Really it had always been boring, the only reason Jinsoul kept saying the sweet little words and unzipping her skirt was because Minho had endless pockets. 

Meaning she could save her money for her ‘ _ hobbies _ ’ while keeping up with all the trends. It was a mutualistic relationship, Jinsoul didn’t have to pick up shifts at the laundromat and Minho had the perfect girlfriend. Except Jinsoul wasn’t perfect, she was a, “phony.” Jinsoul raises her brow. “You’re such a big fat phony.” 

Now Jinsoul’s very concerned, because she was not fat nor fake...for the most part. She was just a girl with special needs. Special needs being 400 dollars so she can buy some designer shoes. Also she’s concerned that she’s been dating a six foot baby all along. “Oh get real Minho, I know you go to Pizza Hut with Yeri behind my back.” Jinsoul didn’t care about that, but she wasn’t gonna sit here and be called a phony by a lying ass loser.

“Whatever, just leave me alone and stop calling me. My mom is gonna bitch again if the phone bill is high.” Jinsoul puts her hand up, with perfectly manicured nails when Minho tries to speak again. “What part of what I said meant you continue. Shut up and fuck off.” Minho clenches his jaw and turns with the muttered word  _ bitch  _ under his breath. When he’s far away Jinsoul presses her fingertips into her temples. A headache brewing from the argument. 

Minho will leave her alone now. Just like the countless other boyfriends she’s had. When they realized they weren’t in love with a sweet blonde with perfectly crimped hair, teased around the scalp. Once she shows her true colors they always leave, hating that they are not worshipped by her like every other girl does. 

She wasn’t a bitch.

Jinsoul just had no tolerance for bullshit.

Reapplying her lip gloss she starts to strut through the courtyard on campus, it’ll be awhile until she can find a new boy to leech off of since Minho will create rumors. She weaves through the people on the streets, keeping her clutch close to her hip. Heels clicking on the pavement, Jinsoul takes her anger out on glaring at all the people walking past her.

They do the same, she likes that just as much as when they hide their away in fear. 

The rhythm of steps stop right in front of an entirely too loud and flashy place with no doors. It’s sunset so the colors will become more intense at night. Walking in she ignores the smell of sweaty armpits belonging to all the dweebs with oversized glasses. Their shirts either being baggy or too tight showing the tiny hairs they are proud of wearing on their chest. That’s the regulars here.

They’re not as bad as the couples on dates who have no idea what they’re doing on duck hunt, only using the game to get closer to each other. Jinsoul always gags when the guy stands behind the girl and ‘ _ teaches _ ’ her how to play, getting closer and closer which each pull of the trigger until they’re wanting to play a new game in the backroom.

Jinsoul’s does tolerate a group at the arcade though. It’s not the stoners who reek up the whole place with a skunk smell and laugh louder than the sounds on Galaga. She smiles at the two boys and the girl with pigtails jumping around as one of them plays Donkey Kong. She liked kids, they were mean, had no filter, and truly came for the fun of the games. Stopping in front of them she points at the screen, “you wanna grab the hammer, you’ll get more points and it’ll help avoiding the barrels.” The kid smiles at her and does what she says, destroying barrels as he makes his way to the top to princess peach. Jinsoul stands behind the three with her eyes glued to the screen until the boy beats the level. All of them cheer and share high fives, Jinsoul only chuckles to herself before heading off, afraid she’ll be stuck watching them play all night. 

Jinsoul doesn’t think anyone else besides her and the kids enjoyed the games for what they truly are. 

The dweebs were obsessed with beating each other, not that Jinsoul wasn’t guilty of the same by beating their scores herself. Couples are self explanatory, stoners just wanted something colorful to make them drift from reality. 

Jinsoul didn’t need that stuff though to let her drift off, she didn’t hide her passion for all these big boxes of joy. It’s...well she didn’t really ever bother telling anyone.

Except her bestfriends, Xiaojun and Yoojung who just so happened to work here. Xiaojun is shamelessly looking at a playgirl magazine, a hairy chested man on the cover. Yoojung is stacking a card tower that Jinsoul quickly knocks down. 

“Oh Yoojung look who’s here it’s our great friend Jinsoul.” Xiaojun says nonchalantly without looking away from the pages, Jinsoul rips it away from him causing him to whine. Yoojung is still planning how to murder her while Jinsoul grimaces at all the...hair...and bulky bodies. Xiaojun snatches his candy back out of her grip.

Jinsoul rolls her eyes and hops up on the counter plucking a piece of somebody’s half eaten pretzel and tossing it into her mouth. While she’s chewing happily someone from behind puts her in a choke hold. The blonde fights for her life, kicking her feet in the air as Xiaojun slides in front of her with a snide smirk and a raised brow, “Soulie I may have found my dream man...lets’ take a look shall we?”

Yoojung continues to keep her elbow locked around her throat and Jinsoul gets lightheaded. Xiaojun keeps his lip up at an angle and flips through the pages until he lands on one that makes his eyes light up. Holding it up he lets the extended page fall and Yoojung releases Jinsoul, “EWWW IT LOOKS LIKE A WORM ON A STRING!”

Closing her eyes Jinsoul searches for Yoojung’s hands again so she can put them back on her throat, “please god just finish me off.”

Xiaojun hangs his mouth open, offended by the girl and raises a hand only to let it go limp, “you bitches have no taste, this is a real man.” Jinsoul opens an eye and glances at Yoojung and then bursts out into laughter. As Xiaojun rolls his eyes, the blonde shifts back down to her feet. Already forgetting about her earlier encounter with mcdouchebag. 

Her friends go back to their designated spots, spending their days eating junk food and gossiping all day while letting kids and adult babies waste their money on arcade games. Jinsoul sighs and picks at the pretzel, “I broke up with Minho.” Yoojung snorts and Xiaojun tilts his head with a smile.

The boy with pierced ears and a holey shirt leans forward, “girl no way what happened!”

Jinsoul smiles with a bit of regret, “we banged and he said he was in love…” Yoojung almost falls out of her seat with how hard she’s laughing. Xiaojun is also covering a laugh with his hand, littered with rings. Jinsoul slaps him in the side of the arm, “stop! Do you know how weird that was for me! I didn’t even like kissing him so I had to cut it off before it got annoying.” The blonde shudders thinking of all the stuff she’s done with Minho, with all the guys she’s dated.

“Come on guys! It was way too serious I couldn’t let it go further or he’d get hurt even worse.”

Xiaojun lifts his brows and looks down, throwing shade. “Sure...that’s totally the reason you dumped him.” Jinsoul rolls her eyes and leans onto the counter. Ignoring the way Xiaojun looks at her with a knowing smirk...this was her excuse every time for breaking up with a boy. _ They were way too into her. _

_ And she was never into them. _

_ Jinsoul didn’t want to collect broken hearts. _

Yoojung wipes a tear from her eye, her hair curled from the perm she got. “God Jinsoul this happens every time!” The tiny girl with platforms and some tommy hilfiger overalls on slides over to counter to stand beside Jinsoul, “were you a bitch to him?” Jinsoul may be notorious for her attitude, but that was only because guys got on her nerves. Really she was sweet, unless you got on her bad side. That was  _ too  _ easy to get on.

Looking around the arcade she avoids the question until her friend pokes her in the stomach. Jinsoul pushes the sneaking hands away and groans, “okay okay maybe I was? So what? I was totally over it like a month ago.”

Xiaojun blinks, “you two just started dating a month ago.” 

Yoojung agrees with a nod, her hair bounces with all the aquanet. This was just a cycle at this point, Jinsoul gets with a guy, sucks him dry(his money that is) and then turns him away like a stray dog once she couldn’t stand being around him anymore.

The boy across the counter slurps on a big gulp, shrugging his shoulders, “maybe the next time it will be the one?” Who knows it could be one of the basement dwellers in here.”

Jinsoul scoffs, “as if.” Xiaojun goes back to his magazine propping his feet up on the counter. Yoojung grabs the blonde’s arms in an attempt to comfort her.

“Next time Jinsoul, you’ll find the boy of your dreams. I can even-”

“Please Yoo, let’s stop talking about stupid boys.” Yoojung gives her a guilty frown and Jinsoul shrugs her off, “I don’t need one, I need to beat my highscore.” Ignoring her friends whines of protest she makes her way to what she’s best at. 

Q*bert

Jinsoul thinks she may be the greatest of all time at this game. It’s the only one she’s ever been able to keep her name at the top of the leaderboard, only beating her own high score everytime. Taking off her denim coat she hangs it off to the side, popping her knuckles and cracking her neck. Flipping her hair over her shoulders she adjusts the straps to her red tank top. 

Pressing the buttons with skill and habit she stares at the screen unblinking. Jinsoul doesn’t get embarrassed at the little gasps and groans she makes when she messes up. Nor the screams when she gets too close to losing. She genuinely gets sucked in. Anyone could take one look at her and not be able to figure out she was secretly a nerd. She looked like one of the prep girls at school, a mean fashionista. That was true, but Jinsoul who wears pac man pajamas and oversized coke bottle glasses, crying over rom coms is also an honest character. 

During the day Jinsoul was popular and a trendsetter. At night she was a whole different person. Sometimes instead of parties, she’d be putting a hood over her head and sneaking into Xiaojun’s basement to play D&D. 

No one needed to know that though...she enjoyed both her persona’s. She lived the best of both worlds. But neither of them had, well, the love that she cried about when she watched them in those rom coms. Jinsoul has always been obsessed with Romance and at the same time despised it. Because she’s been taken on all those cheesy dates and been told things that you’d find in a New York Times best seller. 

None of it though made her feel like those girls in the movies.

But playing this game made her feel like a starstruck lover, and that’s all that mattered in the moment. Hopping up and down as the level gets harder and harder, this is where the real fun began. Jinsoul sucks in air and laughs, even tilting her body as she slams on the button and steers the stick. Sticking her tongue out she concentrates, a sweat breaking on her neck from how hard she’s playing.

It was like a workout with how seriously she was taking this. It takes every inch of muscle to keep this bitch Q*bert alive. But the bad day catches up to her and she loses her first round. She gets 5,350 points, not a terrible start, but definitely not her best. She goes to the leaderboard to see what she needs to break her previous score. 

Jinsoul’s jaw drops.

And she screams loudly to the sound of Pac-Man dying.

The dweebs, kids, and stoners all stare at the blonde who was kicking the bottom of the Q*bert box in a fit of rage. The only ones who don’t stare is the weird couple stuffing their tongues down each other’s throat.

Yoojung and Xiaojun watch their friend with concern as she argues with an inanimate object, pointing her finger at the screen and cursing it to hell. Her eyebrows curled aggressively and a vein popping out her neck. “Man she’s had a rough day.” Yoojung mumbles out before searching for the sour punch stick she was holding up with her tongue since her eyes were glued to the gamer raging.

Xiaojun leans over.

“You think Minho is trade?”

~~~~

At home Jinsoul does everything out of rage. She feeds her bald dog pinky with a slam of his bowl, aggressively scrubs the dishes, fights the piles of laundry. Her chores have become her worst enemy. Well not her  _ worst. _

That’s  _ Yves. _

What kind of lame ass name was that anyways? Jinsoul scoffs thinking about it, how her worst enemy is a mystery with a name she can’t pronounce. Slamming the lid to the washer shut she leans against it and crosses her arms. She stands completely still until the fire in her tummy consumes her. 

“STUPID FUCKING NAME!”

Her high score was demolished by some random guy. Jinsoul knew everyone’s name in the arcade and only a regular could have a score  _ that  _ good. It was killing her, she knew it was none of the dweebs because they would have rubbed it in her face. Nor could they even dream of beating her high score...no this had to be a newcomer. Someone in secret that Jinsoul’s never noticed before. Someone who plays in the shadows.

Like her.

Ignoring the tingle of excitement she gets when she thinks of someone that’s the same as her she instead focuses on how pissed she is that she’s gonna have to go to the arcade even more than does already just to beat that score. 21,250. Jinsoul’s only got to 18,200. “Stupid name…” Curiosity gets the best of her, she wonders if he’s tall or handsome. If he has a good sense of style  _ god,  _ Jinsoul would only hope he’s not a complete dick. If he’s a dweeb like the other guys, or just a normal dude.

She dreams that he’ll be charming and has some humor. But she also dreams of breaking him in his teeth. Jinsoul was the best and she would not let her throne be taken so easily. If she ever meets this guy he’s gonna wish he never stepped foot in that arcade. It’s making her go crazy. How badly she wants to meet him...just to punch him in the nose.

Stomping up the stairs from the basement she leaves the laundry turning. Going straight to the landline. Dialing Yoojung’s number she taps her foot on the ground until the line clears, “sup?” It’s not Yoojung.

“Doyeon put Yoojung on the phone.”

“Why?”

“Because I said so jolly green giant! This is girl business, go do your little pots and pans or something damn!”

Doyeon, Yoojung’s very tall ‘ _ roommate’  _ (sometimes Jinsoul thought something was there when Yoojung would answer the phone breathless and she could hear kiss noises and a voice dangerously close to Doyeon’s) who was an art major at their campus. The type of art major to only wear acid wash jeans and wife beaters, that weirdly fingered those clumps of wet clay on the spinny disk thing.

One time Jinsoul had sat in and watched Doyeon make a vase. It was very homoerotic. Especially the way she made the hole in the top and all the...strange noises the clay made. 

“I’m a girl too ya know, why can’t I be involved in girl’s talk.”

Jinsoul pinches the bridge of her nose, “because you're weird.” Doyeon is about to argue but Yoojung’s voice cuts in.

“Baby who is it?” Jinsoul blushes, sure they were roommates, but also probably bedmates. Maybe fuck mates too. When Jinsoul says hello there’s a tiny squeak and an argument in hushed whispers until the other line fizzles. 

It’s silent and Jinsoul thinks about how good they would look together.

The line becomes clear again and Yoojung speaks in a high pitched voice, “heyyy um sorry ‘bout that what’s up?”

Jinsoul doesn’t like the beat around the bush, “I can't stop thinking about it.”

Yoojung groans, “seriously! That was hours ago! It’s just a game Jinsoul. Give it up!”

The blonde grits her teeth. Clenching onto her sleep shorts she pushes her glasses back up on her nose, blowing out frustration she seethes through her teeth, “it’s not just a game. You know I’ve held the top spot for almost a year. It…” Jinsoul stops, Yoojung may be her best friend but she doesn’t understand.

“Whatever I’m going to bed.”

Yoojung whines, “oh now Jinsoul don’t be like that!”

Jinsoul hangs up and calls her other friend. Well not her friend, but the girl that works at the library. When it picks up, Jinsoul listens to the sweet voice that flows through her ears. Jinsoul spent a lot of time at the library, usually when the girl works because...well Jinsoul loved talking to her.

“Hi this is the-.”

“Jiwoo it’s me, soul.” 

“OHHH HI JINSOUL WAZZZ UP.”

Jinsoul holds the phone away from her ear, but the blush reaches her cheeks. Putting back to her ear she realizes it’s silent, “can you do me a favor?”

“Yes ma’am.”

Jinsoul explains the situation as Jiwoo motions around the library, clicking on her computer. She asks about the name yves. Spelling it out for Jiwoo, the girl was a genius with literature.

The girl hums, “it’s pronounced eve, and it’s probably a French name. Predominantly male.” Jinsoul holds her tongue as Jiwoo says a bit more. “Hm Jinsoul you there?” 

Sighing she answers, “yeah, I- I’m a little tired so imma sleep. Goodnight Jiwoo.”

The girl on the line giggles, “don’t let the bed bugs bite.” Listening to the deep voice she pulls the phone away and hangs up. 

So the mystery gamer is French. 

Jinsoul does the rest of the laundry like a robot. Lost in thought as she repeats the same motions of folding the clothes in the hamper. She’ll have to call Solji tomorrow and get a new schedule since she’d have to start working again because Minho was no longer in the picture.

Walking up to her room she ignores the emptiness in her chest. 

_ French...guy. _

She couldn’t help but feel disappointed. Flopping on her bed she grabs her rubix cube and goes to work. Shifting her glasses up everytime they slip down she sinks further into her bed. She has her dragon slayer shirt on, it smells like cake from the countless times that she’s spilled it.

The name keeps appearing in her head.

_ Yves  _

_ Yves  _

_ Yves _

Jinsoul chucks the cube across the room, making a loud thump against the wall. Her sister Chaewon thumps back. Staring at the ceiling she groans, “I’ll show you...Yves.”

Closing her eyes she starts to drift off into sleep.

“I’ll show you.” 

~~~~

“Bitch you don’t have to act like the CIA, this is probably just some innocent guy that’s like good at q-burnt or whatever.” Jinsoul doesn’t reply to the stupidity that comes out of her friend’s mouth, Xiaojun has had enough of her and rightfully so.

For almost two weeks now Jinsoul has been on a stake out. Tonight she wore sunglasses insides, a leather jacket and black clothes, but still kept it stylish with some red pumps and a scarf. Like she was some top secret agent. When she was there she would watch the spot like a hawk, annoyance bubbling in her tummy every second. She has never liked her enemy in the first place, despite the initial fantasy she had of them. The one where Jinsoul didn’t think it was so bad having someone on the same level as her.

But no, Jinsoul wasn’t having it at all. Her temper has gotten the better of her because she knows no one is better than her. How dare some random person come in and steal the one thing that doesn’t irk her. Q*bert, her faithful companion had been ruined, tainted by some evil entity. She had to protect it with her life.

However she wasn’t doing a great job, after every person had played the game Jinsoul would go over and check their scores. No one ever got close to beating her. But somehow, Yves still was able to keep racking up the points. Like she was some ghost. Jinsoul was losing sleep with how much she was playing this game. She’s bested her best four times now...and everytime she thinks she’s won, Yves swoops in during some time she’s not here and ups her score by thousands.

It was pure torture. Jinsoul felt like a dweeb.

“Do you at least want some coffee? Like you look like shit, and you’re falling asleep in my nachos.” Jinsoul doesn’t even realize she was drifting off and lifts her elbow where it was covered by sticky golden gooeyness. Trying to lick her elbow( since she hasn't eaten in a hot minute) she figures it’s just as impossible as it is finding Yves. 

Jumping on the struggle bus for the fifth time this week, she begs Xiaojun for help. “Man push my elbow back!” Xiaojun rolls his eyes and keeps pushing while Jinsoul pulls.

Somehow she ends up dislocating her shoulder. Screaming out in pain Jinsoul falls to the floor and rolls around as Xiaojun scrambles to fix her. Kicking around she lands one of her pumps right on Xiaojun’s crotch. Even if he may act like nothing’s there, the voice crack and red face proves that he was hit in his weak spot. The boy falls to his knees too in pain. 

While both of them try to figure out how they’re getting out of purgatory in walks a taller woman. Large framed glasses fit her face, sliding up and down as she chews her bubble gum with a bit of exaggeration. Some of the dweebs stop and stare, she was new but came in almost every night for one game of Q*bert. One of the dweebs started to shake and they all watched her like some goddess. The woman had this untouchable aura surrounding her. It was almost like a swagger, mixed with parts chic and class. 

Her short feathered hair framed her face, sculpted elegantly unlike one of Doyeon’s potterys. She wore loose fitting slacks with a matching blazer and a plain white guess t-shirt tucked into a louis vuitton belt. The woman doesn’t notice the two idiots rolling around on the ground near the counter. 

She pulls up a stool to the game, dropping her tech bag to the ground. Sitting effortlessly on the cushion before crossing her legs. She keeps chewing on her gum like nobody's business, occasionally popping it as she makes no mistakes while playing the game. Unlike Jinsoul, she makes no noise, she doesn’t break a sweat. And most importantly she doesn’t lose. She only quits when she wants to.

After 15 minutes or so she sighs and suicides the game. Chewing her gum she rolls her eyes when she sees the name  _ Jindori  _ on the screen. Her rival that she’s been going at ever since she’s got to this arcade. She beat her score again and smirks with the left side of her mouth before typing in the letters.  _ Yves.  _ It’s been this back and forth constantly and the woman absolutely loved it. 

She hasn’t had competition like this in years, she’s been untouchable since she was a teen. Grabbing her bag and returning the stool to its original place she flows out of the arcade. Excited to come back tomorrow and see what score  _ Jindori  _ has come up with next time.

Yoojung steps out of the backroom with a 12” pizza, only to find her friends on the floor writhing in pain. “The fuck happened here!” Jinsoul screams out and Yoojung rushes over to help her friends, pulling Jinsoul’s shoulder back into place while giving a solid pat to Xiaojun’s back. After the two our nursed back to health Jinsoul finally remembers what she was supposed to be doing. 

“SHIT HOW LONG WAS I DOWN!” Screaming she scrambles over to the game, playing a quick round to check the high scores. Yoojung and Xiaojun follow.

Yoojung whispers to the boy, “is she still obsessing over that?”

Xiaojun nods, “yup.” He pops his lips and gives Yoojung a side glance, “this is every night by the way. She comes in constantly bitches about the mystery dude and plays that stupid game. It’s like Tom and Jerry with this bitch.”

Yoojung frowns when she sees Jinsoul is at second place again, “looks like soul is ol’ Tom.” 

Jinsoul’s heart drops when she sees the score. Looking up and pointing at the ceiling she questions the higher being, “god you better stop playing with me.” Yves was just in here, because Jinsoul checked the score every thirty minutes and she’s been watching for hours. No one has sat at that game.

The little window of time she was out Yves came in and beat her high score once again. Slamming her fist into the game she literally growls, “IDIOT!” She doesn’t know who she’s mad at. Yves for being so mysterious and sneaky, getting away and winning the little competition they’re having once again. Xiaojun for fucking her shoulder up or herself, for being so caught up in something so trivial.

Here she was hung up on a ghost gamer and for what reason? Because they were better than her? Jinsoul just loved playing, she didn’t care about high scores. But still she couldn't help it. It was killing her knowing there's someone just as good as her out there. She wants to destroy them.

Yoojung rubs on her back as she sniffles with her face down on the grubby buttons of the game. Why couldn’t she beat this person, why wasn’t she good enough?  _ Why couldn’t she ever catch them? _

Xiaojun feels bad for Jinsoul, “shopping trip this weekend? Before the block party?” Jinsoul doesn’t think anything sounds better than that. She needed some new cute outfits, she had a bit of an addiction to shopping and fashion. Just like this obsession she has with this game at the moment, which has never happened before. She was more obsessed with Yves than the high score...Jinsoul knots her brows, no that wasn’t it. She was just mad she wasn’t the best at her favorite game.

Yeah, Jinsoul needed a break from all this or she’d go crazy. Maybe she could just forget about the whole thing and go back to playing for fun instead of competition, no matter how pissed it got her seeing that stupid name on the screen. 

Raising her head up she smiles, “that sounds perfect guys, thank you.” They shared a group hug before heading back over to devour the pizza Yoojung had made which was extra cheesy. 

Meanwhile on the subway, a woman slips on her headphones and slips in a DeBarge cassette into her walkman. The music flows into her head and she keeps chewing and popping her gum as the train takes her home. She smiles, wondering what her competition is like. If it was a pretty girl or a smelly guy. She hopes it's the prior. Hopefully it was a friendly rivalry and the other person isn't getting fed up with her. She enjoyed seeing that name on the screen, while at the same time getting frustrated with how little the gap gets each time. Leaning her head back she ignores the shake of the windows and the lonely saxophone toot of the player in the corner. 

Hanging onto the rail she fantasizes with the lyrics, and dreads work tomorrow, but looks forward to the arcade again.

Sighing deeply into the night train she thinks about the name over and over again.

_ Jindori _

_ Jindori  _

_ Jindori  _

~~~~

Me with yvesoul: don’t be shy, have some more!

Sorry guys...I know I should broaden my horizons but me thinks not, the yvesoul tag be a little dry! Just kidding hehe

Hope everyone enjoys this and I don’t go off the rails of this outline I got and ruin this shit! Should be short n’ sweet five chapterish! That’s it! Mwah! Thank u peoples!

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  


  
  
  



	2. Your teeth in my neck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So what if Jinsoul doesn’t know how to shut her mouth? She has a lot of things to say...especially to the particular tall and kinda cute girl who she meets at the arcade. Who is exactly who she expected. In the worst way possible.

Prince is playing in the background and Jinsoul couldn’t be more miserable. Purple Rain was probably her favorite movie, she had cried at the theater and bought it on VHS and for three months straight she watched every night, wanting a romance not quite that messy, but still just as poetic.

She digresses, the reason Jinsoul is miserable is because she can’t hear the damn song when she’s right next to the radio. Her friends are yelling over the board, in an argument of what they should do with a lost village boy. Yes, Dungeons and Dragons is fun until someone is an asshole. Jinsoul stares at the asshole in question, Haseul is across the board from her, the party’s white mage. 

“I think we should take him back!”

Xiaojun groans, “oh shut up! It’s clearly a trap.” Jinsoul groans and scoots closer to the radio and puts her ear to it. Humming at the song playing while her weirdo friends went at it. The left corner was Xiaojun (the bitch), the right was Haseul(the saint). Across from Jinsoul was Hye-Lin, the one that was only contributing to the argument with a goofy laugh. The game master was Hyun-min, Jinsoul laughed at him when he rubs his face harshly, getting tired of the two bickering over nonsense. 

Xiaojun gives up, “fine let’s help him.” Hyun-min lifts his face from his hands and looks between the two with disbelief. 

The boy clears his throat and adjusts his sweater, “you help the boy back to his village but he tells you that there’s a quicker way through the woods.” Jinsoul scoots back to the table and listens to Hyun-min mumble out the game, Hye-lin is almost asleep and Haseul, and Xiaojun are sharing death glares.

“He leads you into a pack of bandits.” Hyun-min says with a point. 

All four of them groan and stare at Haseul, of course Xiaojun mutters under his breath, “of fucking course we had to go with miss know it all. Awe let’s help this fat ass little kid! No look where we are you considerant bitch.” 

Haseul points at him, “you agreed!”

“Because you wouldn’t shut the fuck up!”

Hye-lin is cracking her ass up and Jinsoul looks at her friend, “what happens next?” Hyun-min is glad for the divergence and smiles.

Hiding behind his rule book he whispers, “the boy evilly laughs and attacks the monk.”

Jinsoul rolls her eyes, of course she’s attacked. Rolling her dice she gets a thirteen, “I use a swift kick and gain 1 hp and deal 14 damage to the evil boy.”

“You miss.”

The blonde freezes and stares at the dice, “I do what?”

“You missed.” Hyun-min tells her matter of factly and looks towards Xiaojun, who was next.

But Jinsoul waves her hands in disbelief, “woah woah woah I rolled a thirteen.”

Hyun-min doesn’t glance at her, he just smiles with a bit of frustration wanting the game to start flowing. “Thirteen is a miss.”

Slamming her fist down on the table she makes the dice pieces rumble, “listen you asshole, I rolled a thirteen earlier and landed a critical you can’t change the rules!” Her voice doesn’t raise but it does grit, finally making her friend look at her with mischief in his eyes.

Hyun-min throws his head back and laughs, “oh but I can! Because I’m the game master.” Hell breaks loose when Jinsoul flips the board on Hye-lin’s face. Standing up to tackle Hyun-min. Haseul and Xiaojun start to argue again as the other two cats fight. Hye-lin only fights to get the board off of her.

The door to the basement opens and they all stop to look up, Jinsoul, who is on top of Hyun-min with his collar clenched in her fist, lets her jaw go slack. The blonde quickly scrambles off the boy and sits with perfect posture. Smiling like the good girl she is, she waits for the literal angel to come down. 

Or she should say angels.

Xiaojun had two sisters. One that was in college like her and the other a bit older, helping with the family business. There was Vivi, the younger, and Fei the one who wore pant suits all the time much to Jinsoul’s approval. 

She was obsessed with the two girls.

Only because they had an amazing sense of fashion. Nothing else...like their doe eyes or breathtaking smiles. Or seductive struts or…

Jinsoul gulps, just their sense of style was adequate.

Coming down the stairs Jinsoul takes a deep breath when she sees it’s Fei. Her white collared shirt untucked from her pin-striped pants, her tie loosely hanging off her neck. A heat rushes to the blonde’s cheeks. _That_ is such a look. How her fashion is so _effortless_.

The woman smiles and winks, making Jinsoul’s head fizzle into static just like the radio that had fallen during the mix. “Hey nerds, dinner is ready.”

They all race up the stairs like a bunch of pre-teens that still got scared of horror movies. But really they acted like kids with how they all bickered and played fantasy games in a basement. Jinsoul bounces into the kitchen and pushes her glasses back up on her nose, Vivi is at the stove, piling noodles onto plates for everyone. 

Jinsoul shyly sneaks up to her, “thank you Vivi,” she mumbles out and appreciates the gesture the older girl gives her. A soft smile and a shake of her head. 

“You don’t have to thank me baby, just eat lots okay?” Jinsoul swoons at the cushioned voice and grabs her plate.

The Wang sisters were literal perfection, goddesses. Xiaojun, the baby, however was a demon straight from hell. Jinsoul snorts with a mouthful of noodles as Fei tugs on the boy’s ear for having no table manners. 

He screams and it reminds Jinsoul of her younger sister Chaewon. After plenty of full bellies Xiaojun brings it up, “sooo who’s hitting the party tomorrow?”

Vivi raises a brow while picking up empty plates, “a party?”

Xiaojun rolls his eyes, “yes a party nosy ass, not the kind you go to.” The older girl slaps him on the back of the head, since he damn well knows Vivi can party like nobody's business. He rubs at the assaulted spot before continuing, “I heard it was gonna be cray-zzzz.” 

Hyun-min blinks for a second, “think I’m gonna catch up on calculus bro.” The boy stands up and bows at the sisters before grabbing his coat to hea out. 

Haseul and Hye-lin stare at each other before the latter one speaks with a tinge of guilt, “we were planning on seeing fright night.”

“Booo my god, is anyone not a loser here?”

Jinsoul keeps her silence, until Xiaojun’s eyes zone in, “Soul! My bestest and most beautiful friend! You know the party wouldn’t be a banger without you!” The other two girls in the room glare at Xiaojun before packing up their bags and leaving, right after thanking Vivi for dinner.

The girl looks to both of her sides, before shrugging her shoulders, “I don’t know Jun, I have this big assignment due and I kinda just wanna chill.” The boy whines and skips his way over to her seat, throwing his arms around her chest from behind.

Jinsoul cringes as he screams into her ear, “SOUL! PLEASE WE EVEN WENT AND GOT YOU THOSE RED HIGH WAISTED PANTS YOU WANTED!” Shaking her head _no_ he starts to shove his face into her own, making their cheeks squish against each other.

“Please please for once in your life don’t be a lameass! Go with me to this party I swear we’ll have so much fun!” Xiaojun hugs her close and keeps blabbering, “all eyes on you I can see it now! Forget about that stupid assignment and shake some booty!” 

Pushing the boy off she stares at him, “no.”

“You will if you love me.”

Groaning Jinsoul keeps him at bay when he starts squealing on and on about how fun it was going to be and how she might meet a cute boy. Pointing in his face she tells him sternly, “I’m only going to test out my new outfit.”

Not because of anything else, cute boys were off her mind. Ever since _Yves_ and how strange it is how the mystery man’s features get more and more feminine each time. Jinsoul only needed to focus on herself...not anyone else. So the only reason she was going to this party was to show off her new red pants.

Not to get _Yves_ off her mind.

~~~~

Did Jinsoul mention that she only came to this party to get Yves off her mind? Yes, well she may have been lying to herself. Because the entire time she’s been sitting in the corner sipping on an entirely too strong of a drink thinking of _only_ Yves. How they might be at the arcade right now, beating her high score once again. But Jinsoul hasn’t been a few days. Actually a whole week.

She wonders if the other player has even noticed. 

Taking a longer sip she coughs as the alcohol burns her throat, yes she might have thought she got over her little fictional rival with some ghost at the arcade. But ever since Yoojung and Xiaojun had pulled her from the game telling her she has an obsession, the actual obsession has gotten worse. So she’s drowned herself in literature, t.v and school the following week to just get her mind off Q*bert and the master of the game that wasn’t her.

Jinsoul keeps making scenarios in her head of how she’ll meet Yves, or if she’ll ever meet them at all. Taking another sip she decides to drown the rest of it. Maybe Yves is at this party right now...Jinsoul shakes her head, no Yves would probably be too lame to be invited to a party like this. But then again, this party was _lame_ as hell.

The blonde is starting to realize that no matter how hard she tries, she can’t seem to drown the thoughts of a perfect yet non-existent smile. 

Heading to the kitchen she searches for an even stronger drink. Her friends were right, this was consuming her. It was just a game. Just a stupid game that a certain someone was very good at. Taking a swig, she nods her head to herself, she was good too, but it hasn’t been so fun lately since she’s so scared to see that name above hers again.

Jinsoul slams the bottle down so hard it cracks the glass. This is how it often went, her fantasizing about what Yves looks like and how they are. Then the realization of how obsessed she is. Then finally the rage, of what it’s like to be beaten at your favorite game. Jinsoul is pissed that someone is better than her.

If there was two things she was good at it was Q*bert and fashion.

Oh and breaking boys hearts.

But she didn’t really care about them for some reason. 

When she meets Yves...oh the revenge she has planned out. “Hey whatcha thinking about?” _How to get away with murder._ It’s Xiaojun and he widens his eyes at the strange look Jinsoul gives him.

“Just how lame this party is.” Jinsoul answers instead.

The boy spits out his drink into his red solo before turning towards her, “oh please it’s jumping!” Jinsoul raises one brow quesitonally, “okay yeah it sucks whatever you were right! But it beats staying home and laying in bed crying to sixteen candles being a total fucking loser.” Jinsoul rolls her eyes and pours herself another drink.

Drowning it in one go she starts to feel the fuzziness and warmth. Her head is getting a little dizzy, “every bitch in here has on red pants.”

“Yeah, that blows.”

Jinsoul thinks she may leave, having the sudden urge to go play Q*bert. Giving the cracked bottle to Xiaojun she kisses him on the cheek, “it was fun while it lasted babes, but I’m out. I think I’m gonna be a total loser and go watch flashdance or something.” The boy doesn’t protest this time and lets her go with a quick hug. As soon as she starts to walk off he turns and lets out a cheery scream, already getting back to the sheniganines.

Passing by Yoojung and Doyeon she waves and stumbles her step, _woah_ maybe she was a bit tipsy. The two were standing close to each other, very close. The same as those bad dudes and pretty girls that were definitely banging during the after party. Doyeon is leaning against the wall looking down at Yoojung with hazy eyes...what Jinsoul would describe as love. Yoojung snuggles a drink in her hand while Doyeon keeps her hands in her aviator coat pockets. 

But still everything about it was intimate, almost like it wasn’t supposed to be seen by any of the party goers.

Maybe it’s the way Yoojung shyly looks away and how Doyeon brings her eyes back to hers by grasping her chin gently and pulling her closer. Jinsoul sighs at how romanticly cheesy it is and blurts out, “be sure to use a condom!”

They didn’t even notice she was there until she spoke and back away from each other as if they were caught doing something. Jinsoul sways a bit shaking her hand. “Don’t worry, I’m not a home-a-phone or anything.” They look at her confused, before realizing what she was really saying. “I think you guys are soooo cute together! Really, I would totally-.”

Yoojung forces a hand over Jinsoul’s unfiltered mouth, when she was drunk it was even worse. Yoojung spits out through her lips, “shut up Jinsoul.” 

The blonde tugs the offensive hand away and scoffs, “what’s wrong? Don’t want people to know that Doyeon cracks your back like a glowstick every single night?” Yoojung turns blood red and pulls Jinsoul close to the wall, people were starting to stare and Doyeon nervously clenches her jaw and runs a hand through her hair. When Jinsoul is slammed against the wall she giggles out, “how long have you two been dating? Or y’all just fuck buddies?” 

Yoojung starts to whisper shout, “there’s nothing going on between me and Doyeon, so shut the fuck up Jinsoul. We are nothing more than roommates. That’s just your perverted ass fantasy.” Jinsoul’s mouth goes slack but she laughs it off anyways. But her mind sticks to the word fantasy.

“God you’re so cute when you’re mad!”

Doyeon disappears in the midst of the argument. Sometime after Yoojung gritted out _we are nothing more than roommates_ from between her teeth. Jinsoul is still laughing, not paying attention to all the states and attention she’s bringing. She doesn’t quite understand, “seriously I don’t know why you guys try to hide it. It’s so obvious you two are in love.” Yoojung closes her eyes and brings her head down low.

Jinsoul will regret this tomorrow, but she has to release this tension in her throat somehow that’s been built up like sticky gunk from thinking about Yves so much it’s clogging up all her brain gears. She’s said some stupid shit tonight but the dumbest is what she says next, “what are you so afraid of?” 

Yoojung looked up, now the whole party was glancing over at them. “You wouldn’t know would you? Since all you know how to do is to cover it up with a new boyfriend every week.” Jinsoul definitley doesn’t know what that means...at all. Yoojung shakes her head and smiles, knowing her friend doesn’t mean no harm, “I’ll see you tomorrow Soul, get home safe.”

The smaller girl makes her way out of the party, and is stopped by a few basketball players. One of them smiles sleazily, “you wanna teach us how to scissor Choi? Or do you want us to ask your girlfriend.”

Yoojung scoffs and pushes past them, ignoring the mocking laughs that follow her. It could be worse, she can handle childish remarks like that. It was just when it got violent, that’s what she was afraid of. When she had rush Doyeon to the hospital because of a broken jaw. 

Jinsoul pouts that her friend left her all alone, but of course her absence brings someone to the now empty spots beside her. Unwanted company, Jinsoul doesn’t let her annoyance go unknown. “Now what! For the last time I do not want to see your stupid collection of lava lamps Kai!” The soccer player smiles wide and puts a hand to his chest, pretending to be offended by Jinsoul’s rudeness.

“Well, excuseee me, maybe I just wanted to say hello?” Jinsoul giggles and turns to the boy. Kai was pretty, they’ve fooled around before. He was the one that never gave her a hard time for being emotionally unavailable. He understood her and that’s why Jinsoul kept him around. He never expected love from her.

Because Jinsoul would never be able to give it. 

Jinsoul rolls her eyes and messes with the collar of his unbuttoned shirt, “go ahead, try me I’m pretty drunk right now so it might work.”

Kai raises a brow, “you actually want me to hit on you? This is a first Jung Jinsoul.” The blonde groans and grabs onto his collar shaking him back and forth, he only laughs and keeps his drink up to prevent it from spilling, “usually all I have to say is Hi to get bitch slapped.” 

Stepping forward she tickles the boy’s chest, seductively smiling up at him with glossy eyes. Kai breathes deeply as the finger traces down and starts to unbutton more, “god you’re so boring.” Jinsoul rasps out and leans forward to bring her lips close, “be interesting for once.” 

Kai licks his lips, “Minho may be my big bro.” He says lowly and grips Jinsoul’s ass. The blonde rolls her eyes but presses herself closer anyways, nothing about this was hot. “But I’m the bigger one.” Jinsoul blinks, yeah she was still bored but still leans toward to press her lips against Kai’s. 

Kissing Kai roughly she lets the kiss last for a few seconds before pushing him away. “First, you’re wrong big dicks don’t make it better stupid ass.” Kai blinks surprised at Jinsoul’s confession. “If you don’t know how to use your little weenie then there’s no point at all.” He even frowns this time, not because of the low jab, but because of Jinsoul’s expression. “Men ain’t shit.” Jinsoul sighs, wow she was super bored now and she felt a bit gross.

“Also you need to brush your fucking teeth. I could taste what you had for dinner last night.” Jinsoul gags and starts to walk away. From the lame ass party and from the empty, unsatisfying deep pit left in her stomach. 

Kai yells at her one last time, “where’s Xiaojun?” 

Jinsoul points at the kitchen, “where he always is!” Oh, did Jinsoul mention that Kai fucks her best friend too? Xiaojun was obsessed, _maybe it was because he actually liked boys._

At least someone was getting laid tonight, Jinsoul tells herself as she walks down the streets, stumbling and wobbling between the pavements. She almost trips and a man gives her a funny glance, Jinsoul stomps her heels into the concrete, “don’t be fucking looking at me dude!” He stares at the ground instead, avoiding the raging blonde.

Jinsoul huffs and starts to walk again, she hates the attention even though she always tried her hardest to be noticed. Because even if she hates attention, she hated being ignored so much more.

Rolling up to the arcade she smiles and hops around excitedly making her heels click on the pavement, holding her arms in the air she skips inside. Squealing like a schoolgirl she spins on the red carpet as she struts inside, walking like she had a fat ass. The dweebs all roll their eyes, hating how the ditzy blonde is the best player in the whole arcade. Jinsoul was once the best, but now, it was whoever the hell Yves was.

That name appeared on top of all the games inside. The dweebs knock elbows, because they realize the situation, previously before the blonde had come in wooing and cheering like she had won the lottery _or that she was on something_ , they had been watching the master. The master who was currently popping gum and sitting comfortably on her stool. 

They all fall back to their own games, and turn their backs and hold their ears for what’s about to come. It won’t be pretty. Jung Jinsoul will not lose her legacy without a fight. Jinsoul strolls up the game, giddiness eating her alive as she comes close. She hasn’t played in a whole week, hugging it from the side she kisses it’s metal, too drunk to care about the germs. “I missed you so much baby.” Jinsoul groans out to it and gives it a little pat on its back side. Her friends thought it was strange she called this hunk of metal her baby, but nothing brought her joy like it did. 

Giving it another kiss she speaks dirty to it, “you want me to play you now? Bet you missed me pushing all ya buttons huh?” Jinsoul giggles at how weird she sounds and stumbles over to the front. She goes to play but realizes there’s a barrier preventing her from doing so. 

Oh, someone else was playing it. 

Jinsoul stands motionlessly beside the game and stares at the the profile of something eternal. She’s never been so quiet in her life as she watches, not being able to move from her spot, like her heels were glued to the ground and her brain frozen like ice. 

_Oh, it’s a woman playing._

The arcade is kinda dark, so the only light that is provided is from the dull yet bright screen of the game. The woman’s jaw moves up and down, side to side as she chews on some sort of candy. Jinsoul realizes it’s gum when it balloons out of the woman’s perfectly pink and plump lips, before being sucked back in to be chewed. Jinsoul is mesmerized by the motion, she’s entranced on how the primary colors reflect on the woman’s flawless skin. She’s being sucked in like she is when she’s playing the game.

The woman doesn’t even glance to her side, no matter how close Jinsoul is getting close to her. She keeps playing the game and Jinsoul gets hypnotized by how _effortlessly_ she presses on the button and steers the stick. Everything is so effortless, how poised the woman is, how she doesn’t make mistakes no matter how lazily she plays. Jinsoul is close enough now she can count the woman’s long eyelashes, and point out the tiny mole on the woman’s high cheekbones. Eyes never waver over to her however, and Jinsoul hates it. How much she’s being ignored. 

Jinsoul sucks in a breathe when she realizes, _this must be a fantasy of mine._

_Because this is close to what I imagined Yves to be like._

She’s stupid wasted though, so Jinsoul rubs her eyes trying to break the mirage. This was probably just some dweeb playing but her mind was playing tricks on her. No way could a woman that beautiful be playing a game like Q*bert. She thinks to herself, that this entire time she’s wanted Yves to be a woman, that she wanted her to be this chic city girl with a cold attitude, one that contrasted her fire. 

Her fantasy can’t be real though, because in what world would a girl that cool be in an arcade on a saturday night. Jinsoul wasn’t an exception, no matter how much she kept up with the trends and broke boys hearts. She was a loser. 

Jinsoul opens her eyes again, and the woman is still there, but clearer. Red looks so good on her skin, Jinsoul thinks. And that she makes coke bottle glasses look fashionable. Jinsoul looks her up and down, her back doesn’t even hunch, her body is posed elegantly and the only noise is from the smack of the bubble gum. This woman was like a repeated image, the only difference being is when she blows a bubble. 

While playing, she never panics Jinsoul notices, her fingers work in a rhythm, her brain must be a computer to play like that. Her expression never changes either, the same blank face, only illuminated by the bright lights.

Jinsoul finally gets out of her drunken daze and clears her throat, except it’s more of a burp, “uurrp, ugh fuck...um excuse me miss could you like, lose or whatever so I can play?” Jinsoul pounds into her chest to get more burps out, she wants to face palm for how rude she was being, but she was too drunk to care. However, the woman doesn’t glance at her still, keeping her eyes on the screen. It makes Jinsoul unapologetic for her actions.

The blonde stumbles around and doesn’t catch the grimace on the woman’s face. The mystery woman has been watching the drunken idiot from the corner of her eye the whole time, she had even snorted when she watched the blonde kiss and call the game _her baby._

“Kay.” Jinsoul mumbles out when the woman doesn’t move. She decides she’ll scream right in the woman’s ear, her very cute ears. That’ll get her attention “Helloooo are you deaf or just fucking dumb! I said move so I can play!” The woman moves slightly to the side but doesn’t look at Jinsoul. The blonde starts to get irritated and stands back up, crossing her arms over her chest, “listen, if you don’t get your ass up in the next five seconds-.”

“Or what?” Jinsoul loses her breath and train of thought when the woman glances at her for a split second. Her eyes were dangerous, narrow and black. Jinsoul could feel the pressure weighing in on her chest. She wants those eyes on her again. She didn’t get a good look at them the first time.

So Jinsoul does what she does best, and continues to provoke the woman. “Thank god, for a second there I thought you were some emotionless robot. But you’re not! So get the fuck up.” Jinsoul spits the words directly into the woman’s face, but the woman doesn’t even flinch, nor does she return Jinsoul’s glare. 

It’s silent for a few seconds, the woman still chewing on her gum. Until it stops, “and for a second I didn’t think you were such an insufferable and annoying bitch but here we are.” The chewing resumes, as Jinsoul’s blood raises in temperature. She can’t focus on how smooth and deep the woman’s voice is. Like one of those jazz singers who could sing a mean vibrato. A voice like that could make a girl dream, but Jinsoul isn’t dreaming of how that voice would call her baby, she’s dreaming of how she’d make it scream out in pain.

No one can talk to her like that without getting the repercussions.

The woman sighs and makes Q*bert jump off the platform. Jinsoul holds her jaw open, how disrepectful it was to suicide a game like that. You never, never suicide a game. No matter how tired you are, you play until you lose. _Not_ until you feel like losing. Jinsoul watches with a clenched jaw and fists, and her eyes widen in horror as the woman types out the name that’s been haunting her for weeks.

Y.“OH.”

V.“MY.”

E.“FUCKING.”

S.“GOD!”

The woman stands and cracks her neck and fingers, “there you big baby. Play you’re stupid little game.” Okay so it wasn’t the way Jinsoul wanted to be called baby by that voice, but it still sent chills down her spine. There’s a lot of thoughts going through her mind right now, how she literally just met her arch nemesis and she’s everything she’s ever dream of _and_ hated at the same time.

How she just suicided the game.

How she called Q*bert, her baby, a stupid little game.

Yves puts her bomber jacket on and starts to walk out of the arcade. Jinsoul is still leaning on the game, the stool was gone in the blink of an eye too. Just how fast did this woman move? “Woah, wait a damn minute! I’m not done with you!” She chases after Yves and jumps in front of her at the entrance of the arcade, Jinsoul stands as tall as she can but heavily gulps realizing Yves still towers over her. Yves looks off into the distance refusing to look Jinsoul in the eyes.

The woman rolls her eyes and walks past Jinsoul. The blonde starts to follow her down the street, practically barking at her, “do you know how many weeks I’ve busted my ass to beat your highscore? To beat a high score of someone who suicides the game like that! Do you know what the fuck you’re even doing?”

Yves ignores Jinsoul, smiling and nodding at people as they give her and the blonde scared looks as they walk bye. The woman keeps chewing on her gum, flashing her teeth whenever someone makes contact with her. “First of all I’m not a baby, second of all Q*bert is not a stupid game, it is the _greatest_ game of all time you inbecile.” Yves snorts at that one, no way was that cheesy ass game the best. But she keeps her mouth shut, hoping the angry blonde will leave her alone at some point the longer she ignores her.

But the longer the woman ignores Jinsoul, the angier she gets. She hates being ignored. Yves doesn’t look at her, doesn’t even acknowledge her existence. “I’m Jindori. I’m the only bitch that’s been beating you and that’s for a reason.” Yves sticks her hands into the pockets of her coat. Still drowning out Jinsoul’s annoying voice, she knew that the girl was probably Jindori by the way she acted when she saw her gamer tag. 

What she didn’t know was that it would be an annoying ass brat with bleached hair and expensive clothes from the mall. Probably only a couple years younger than her but with the maturity and vocal range of a child. Jinsoul looked like a barbie doll, she was drop dead gorgeous, so pretty it made Yves’ hands sweat the tiniest bit in her pockets. But she acted like a troll. 

Jinsoul follows Yves down to the subway, still yapping on, “I thought I could respect you ya know? Maybe we could have been a team but noooo I would never I mean EVER want to work or play with the likes of someone like you.” Yves hops over the toll bars _effortlessly_ and keeps walking with that bouncy step. Jinsoul stares at the bars, and thinks, is this bitch worth breaking the law for?

Yes. 

She tries to do it the same as Yves, with swagger and coolness, but she spins on the railings and face plants onto the floor getting the attention of a security guard. He screams and Jinsoul starts to run away, picking up her heels that had fallen off. Rushing to the train she spots Yves, yelling out she throws one of her heels that smack into the woman’s back, “YOU FUCKING BITCH YOU CAN’T RUN FROM ME!” Yves turns and watches with horror as Jinsoul slips in an arm into the subway door, getting it caught in between.

Yves throws her head back and groans, “why me?” Looking back down she could either get rid of the problem and just push the girl out and have a peaceful trip home. Or she could pull her in and be a nice person, by letting the girl take her frustrations out on her by berating her the entire trip.

The woman sighs, maybe the blonde was just having a bad day. Maybe she needed to take this train home. Yves cracks open the door some and pulls her in shutting it back quickly before security comes, Jinsoul instantly starts to blabber, “WERE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?” The train starts it’s transit and it shakes the car a bit, making the drunkard stumble a bit. 

Jinsoul almost falls backwards, but Yves grabs her waist and creates leverage by leaning onto the door. Jinsoul hits the door with a thump, huffing out the air knocked from her lungs, clinging to the worn out bomber jacket. Jinsoul opens her eyes, surprised that she didn’t fall to her ass by forgetting how shaky subway trains are and stares down at the hand gripping her waist. Letting go of the fabric of the jacket she pushes Yves away, “let go of me you weirdo I didn’t say you could touch me.” 

The train shakes again and Yves stumbles forward, her hands shooting out to catch her fall by slamming them into the wall, trapping Jinsoul in between her arms. The blonde becomes one with the vibrating wall since Yves is almost pressing against her, it makes her heart oddly race. Because if she stares straight ahead she can see the curves of the woman’s throat, and how it bobbles up and down when she lets a hot breath of air out right against Yves’ neck. 

Jinsoul’s eyes narrow at the site, she calms down in the slightest. The woman's fragrance was sweet and it relaxed Jinsoul and took away her migraine that was forming. Her eyes travel upwards, to a perfectly angled jawline, Jinsoul licks her lips once she realizes how tan the woman is. The further she goes up, the more addicting and endearing the features get. Thick and soft lips, parted for some reason, Jinsoul can see the piece of gum hanging loosely between the woman’s teeth. She wonders what flavor it is.

Further up she discovers cute, round cheeks, complimented by a wide but flattened nose. Jinsoul dares to look up even more, their eyes lock. 

And someone throws away the key.

The stare is a blow to the brain, with all the charge and electricity like rubbing socks onto the carpet on a particular dry day. The world around them tumbled into stillness and suddenly the train didn't shake anymore. It’s just their hearts that are moving, weirdly in a rhythm that neither of them knew was in sync.

Jinsoul hopes her intake of oxygen isn’t as audible as her brain makes it out to be. She hopes it isn’t noticeable of how taken back she is by staring into those eyes. Their black, just like hers and she can see the reflection of herself in them. They’re a bit larger than natural due to the glasses magnification. But that only makes the woman’s whole look adorable. Like she really was the dweeb Jinsoul had expected at first. But Jinsoul’s never met a dweeb this easy on the eyes.

Yves gets closer to her and Jinsoul blinks and shatters the enchantment, looking all around, already memorizing the feeling of them sharing a look of lovers or enemies, Yves must feel the break of separation as well. But doesn’t look away, still staring into Jinsoul’s soul as the blonde tries to place her eyes somewhere less intimate. 

Jinsoul finds the key again and unlocks the box they were placed in, “stop staring at me freak.” Yves breaks out of the daze jumping out of the box she shared with Jinsoul, letting out the breath she didn’t know she was holding. 

For a moment it was like they had forgotten about the previous interactions. Jinsoul mind had blanked and her irritation hadn’t burned in her body, Yves had forgotten that the girl had hated her in the first place. Their minds that had a constant mutter of thoughts had been cut off into a silent buzz. 

The proximity was uncomfortable, but Jinsoul had the weirdest urge to pull Yves closer. 

Yves raises up, continues her chewing and goes to sit on one of the yellow subway chairs. Pulling out her Walkman and cassette from her pockets, Jinsoul grabs one of the poles and watches the woman closely, how she was already being blurred out again, like she was just another stranger on the train.

The woman slips in a Prince cassette and Jinsoul’s frown forms into a smile, quick wiping it off with her grimy hand once she remembers this is her enemy. Not her friend of any sort. Jinsoul starts to make her way back over to the woman before swaying back and forth, Yves reaches out and despite being lit up by Jinsoul the entire time politely asks, “do you need some help?”

Jinsoul shakes the hand that’s on her elbow off, “unhand me lady!” Yves only raises an eyebrow, her finger on the play button waiting until Jinsoul was settled to start her music. Jinsoul tries to balance herself by holding out her arms, being drunk and in heels on a shitty subway was not the greatest idea she’s had. 

She gives up and grabs onto Yves’ still outstretched arm and swings herself into the yellow spot one seat away from the woman’s and groans with relief. Exhaustion burns through her joints and the world stops spinning for a second. Jinsoul tries to bring herself down, back to a functioning human being by taking slow labored breaths. She hears music to her right and side glances over at the source.

Yves has her head leaned back against the window, her lightly curled hair bouncing with the shake of the train. Her jaw is still moving in the circular motion. Jinsoul wants to be as relaxed as the woman, how her eyes are closed so peaceful. But she can’t relax because the woman’s satisfied smirk is making her blood pressure increase.

Jinsoul hates Yves’, she hates how calm she is. 

Leaning over she lifts the side of the headphones up, “stop ignoring me asshole, I still want an apology.” Snapping them back down, Yves doesn’t even flinch. She only opens one eye to look at Jinsoul’s scrunched up and pouty expression before closing it again.

Jinsoul crosses her arms and goes leans back into her seat, starting to drunkenly ramble, “ugh you’re just like I imagined,” _you’re everything I imagined and more._ “You’re a fucking jerk you know? I didn’t think you’d be that bad of one though, I thought I was just letting the game get to my head.” Malicious thoughts become more honest and Yves turns the volume of her music down. 

“Just maybe, maybe if the world wasn’t so unrealistic and cruel to me, maybe you would be good at video games because you loved playing them, not because you just wanted to ruin some poor girl’s day.” 

The blonde sighs, “but someone who would lose the game on purpose and call it stupid, definitely has no passion for it. I have no idea why you even play.” Yves slips her headphones off, the answer on the tip of her tongue, _because I want to find the passion for it again._

_And I started finding it again when I saw your name._

“I dreamed of meeting you, and how I would probably strangle you or something for being better than me.” Jinsoul grumbles out with a stomp of her heel, “but then I would change my mind because you actually like playing the game and not destroying the score board.” 

She looks over at Yves and is only slightly surprised to see the woman staring straight at her with her headphones hanging off her neck. “But you haven’t changed my mind.” Jinsoul points in the woman’s face, “and I refuse to lose to someone who doesn’t care. That doesn’t care about the game or the competition.” It’s not just about Q*bert now, nor the highscore, the rivalry has been carved deeper now. 

“You’re just like those dweebs in there, obsessed with power.” 

Yves’ wants to prove her wrong, wants to tell the now borderline depressed blonde that she does care. But her mouth doesn’t move and her voice doesn’t fill the silence. The woman’s nails only dig into her acid wash jeans. 

“I’m so sick of being right, for once in my life I wish it was different.” For some reason, Yves doesn’t think the blonde is talking about the game anymore. It’s her assumptions of the mysterious player.

Yves’ assumptions were all scrambled like eggs. She never expected a girl, especially a girl like this to be behind the name she’s been chasing after. 

Jinsoul leans over and narrows her eyes, “you met my expectations, in the worst way possible.” She’s hated the woman from the start, and now she just has the evidence to support her cause. Jinsoul didn’t know what she _wanted_ Yves to be like. But she does know what she expected her to be like. Just like this, like the villain she had painted her out to be from the beginning.

But the woman replies and it makes Jinsoul’s head spin, “and you’ve exceeded mine, in the best way possible.” The blonde doesn’t know what it is about the softly spoken reply. But it makes her resolve crumble. The case she’s been building against this woman becomes mistrial. She has to go back to the evidence. Maybe she’s not so much of a villain after all, maybe she’s just misunderstood by the effects of the alcohol in Jinsoul’s system.

The blonde sorts through the files of memories she’s already stored of this woman. Her sharp insults, asshole. Yves has just about ignored everything she’s said, asshole. The disrespect she has shown through and through, she may be effortless, it’s not because she’s just so cool she can flow through life without a problem, it’s because she doesn’t care about anything. Asshole. 

Yup, this woman was still the bane of her existence. The muttered words didn’t change her verdict.

Jinsoul changes the case however, Yves is not an asshole. She’s a lost cause. Jinsoul’s over it, her whole dream of this perfect rival has been shattered because Yves’ poor skills when it comes to effort. Her alluring aura doesn’t come from being so good at what she does, not because she’s reserved and professional. No it’s a sloppy kind of effortless, where she doesn’t care...or even tries to care.

A man sits between them, and Jinsoul’s never been so thankful. She’s so disappointed that she wants to cry.

The train ride is long and quiet. It’s a cool down for Jinsoul, realizing she knew what she’s wanted all along. It was Yves. But not like this. She wanted to be proven wrong once in her life.

Yves slowly gets up from her seat without even glancing in Jinsoul’s direction. The blonde wants to turn her head and do the same but she can’t help it. She’s still obsessed, she hasn’t got all her fight out.

So she follows the woman out. 

On the street they walk side by side. Jinsoul doesn’t have her bark or bite anymore since the alcohol that was fueling it has run dry. So instead she just glared at Yves, who’s bounce in her step has become less energized. 

“You’re still an asshole.”

“Right, and you’re still following me.” Yves rolls her eyes and Jinsoul focuses on how the streetlights highlights the woman’s face. 

“Because you haven’t apologized to me.”

Yves stops and it takes a second for Jinsoul to slow down. Her heels were like little turbo boosters trying to match Yves, who had sneakers on and dangerously long legs.

The woman tilts her head, “and what exactly do I have to apologize for?” 

Jinsoul opens her mouth to start going through the list built in her head but Yves beats her to it by running through her own, “because if anyone should be apologizing it should be you.”

The blonde gulps, because usually when someone is mad their voice raises. But Yves keeps the same volume, only gaining an icy undertone that has Jinsoul shivering. “You’ve been nothing but a bitch to me, harassing me and basically fucking stalking me the entire night and for what! Because I was playing the game that I’m clearly better at than you?” Yves finishes with a draw of her voice. “You know why I called Q*bert stupid?” 

Jinsoul shakes her head no and Yves steps closer, her height becoming an intimidation tool once again, “because it’s the only game bitches like you know how to play.” Her jaw goes slack, _wow yeah total asshole._ “And you should apologize for that wack ass fit. You look like stop sign even though you don’t know how to stop fucking talking.” _Okay maybe she’s more than an asshole that was just plain rude._

Yves stomps towards the street. Hailing down a cab, Jinsoul looks wearily at all the street lights. She’s bitten off more than she can chew. 

A cab rolls to the stop and Yves opens the door, “I’m sorry that I wasn’t the person you were dreaming off. I can’t do anything about that.” Jinsoul doesn’t look her way, she can’t. “That I met your expectations in the worst way possible.” The woman stands there holding the door open for Jinsoul, the polite action contrasting the fire pouring through her teeth.

“I don’t have any money.” Jinsoul tells her shyly. Embarrassed that she was being treated like this and letting it happen. 

Yves doesn’t say anything, wordlessly pulling out her wallet to give the driver a twenty. “I looked forward to meeting you. But now I wish I never met you at all.”

Jinsoul stumbles towards the cab car, giving one last long glance to Yves. 

She swallows her pride. “I’m sorry I bothered you. I won’t anymore and you don’t have to worry about seeing me ever again.” Jinsoul means it because it feels tainted now. The weird...spark between them that she felt in the subway, when Yves was inches away but felt like she was inside her head. 

She’s ruined it with her smart mouth.

Yves seems to hate hearing that. But she nods anyways, slamming the car door shut on Jinsoul. The blonde stares out the window at the woman who stands still on the pavement. 

The blonde puffs her cheeks and flips Yves off anyways, just for good measures. Just for a goodbye. She may never see this woman again, and this is Jinsoul’s final way of saying _fuck you_ in the best way possible. Jinsoul expects the finger back, but Yves makes her chest tight by only smiling and waving at her. Like she was an old friend, visiting for the holidays.

Jinsoul starts to hope this isn’t goodbye.

At least not for forever. 

“Where to sweetie?”

Jinsoul tells the cab driver her address and slowly watches Yves disappear into the street lights. 

One at a time.

Until she’s completely gone.

Until she’s nothing but a ghost again that will continue to haunt Jinsoul. 

~~~~

An hour earlier, Yoojung rushes to Doyeon’s car still parked on the side of the street. She makes her way into the passenger seat and throws her head back onto the cushioned rest. Breathing deeply and slowly, labored she calms her erratic pulse.

It’s been thrown off from the fear and embarrassment she just experienced. Looking to her right she sees her girlfriends fists tightly locked around the leather steering wheel. She drove a black 1969 camaro. White stripes painting the front with red leather seats. Yoojung’s spent a lot of time in this car, especially in the back on late summer nights, when her father thought she was sleeping over at friends but instead falling in love. 

Yoojung can remember the first time she rode in this car, and how it felt to hold hands larger and tougher than her own. 

When Doyeon had finally convinced her, after months of trying. Yoojung wishes she would have said yes sooner. 

She knows she made a mistake back there, but only excuses herself. “I didn’t want you to get hurt again, you know how you are when these things happen.” Her words come out shaky and unsure. 

Because she’s so sure of this love but not the world around them. Doyeon reaches over and threads her callused fingers into her hair, still the fingertips melt into Yoojung’s scalp. They’re impossibly soft and despite her own effort, it only takes one second for Doyeon to snap her heart rate back to health.

With one touch, nothing could hurt her.

“You were only scared.”

Doyeon tells her with a voice so strong it convinces her. 

“We’re gonna be alright.”

~~~~~

I cannot lie I’m a little proud of myself for this one Nehehe I hope everyone is still liking this story! I promise you the next and the next next chapter will be nothing but fluff or whatever u call it...also I’m throwing in a little dodaeng so hehe

Thank you people lots of love mwah! 

  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  


  
  
  



	3. In your orbit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinsoul has always been obsessed with girls. To the cute styles and pretty faces, all the way to their attitudes and ambitions when her infatuation ran deep. Especially with the girl in the arcade that was better than her at the one thing she thought she was the best at.

“Hey babe?” Yoojung calls out to Doyeon who was currently stuffing her face with pizza. Yoojung was on her lunch break at the arcade and had went to the back where the small snack concession was, where any crude and greasy food was available. Yoojung personally hated it, the pizza was too cheesy and the rest of it was just plain gross with how unhealthy it looked. The cook however was a pretty nice guy and tried his best with the usually outdated food.

Won-sik or better known for his rockstar name Ravi, on the outside looked like a delinquent with his spiked mullet and multiple piercings. But his milkshakes were so sweet they’d have Yoojung’s teeth hurting. Doyeon finishes eating one slice in three bites and Yoojung reaches over with a napkin to clean her girlfriend’s filled cheeks. Doyeon raises her brows, allowing Yoojung to continue on with what she was saying.

Yoojung sighs and takes a sip of her milkshake before asking seriously, “do you think Jinsoul is gay?” Doyeon starts to choke and Yoojung flies over the booth table to save the girl by handing her the beer next to her. With watery eyes Doyeon washes it all down before finally breathing. Yoojung doesn’t understand how her girlfriend can still have a body like that and flawless skin when she eats all the junk she does. 

The taller girl burps loudly while beating on her chest and Yoojung only swoons, Doyeon could be so dreamy sometimes. “I don’t think so? I mean she’s had like ten boyfriends this year alone.”

“She only bangs dudes so they’ll buy her clothes you know that right?” Yoojung knew Jinsoul very well and how she never talked about how cute or sweet the boy she was dating could be. But how nice her new leather pants looked on her ass. It was never about love for Jinsoul or the connection, it was all about the chemistry with what was in their pockets. “Oh and Jinsoul always has to have attention or she’ll go crazy, doesn’t matter where it comes from as long as she’s the center of the universe to someone.” 

Doyeon agrees with a snort, “true, it doesn’t take much to get a guy's attention. Girls however…” Doyeon glances at Yoojung and smirks and the shorter girl kicks her girlfriend’s shin under the table. The artist groans and reaches to grab her leg before whining out, “I’m just saying! It took me like a fucking century to get your attention.”

Yoojung flutters her eyelashes and reaches over to pinch Doyeon’s cheek, making the girl blush and giggle softly, “try a month sweetie.” 

Doyeon grabs Yoojung’s hand to keep it on her cheek, “well it felt like a century.”

They share a glance and then break apart, before anything got too homoerotic. They often made that mistake since they could forget not everyone understood how in love they were with each other. Yoojung sips on her milkshake as Doyeon sighs out, “so you think Jinsoul is gay?”

“Yup, totally.” 

“Maybe she’s just materialistic.” 

“Babe that’s evidence.” 

Yoojung lays back in the booth seat while kicking her feet up on the table, “you ever noticed how she never swoons over boys, it’s always the models in those fashion catalogues.” It was true, Jinsoul would always whine and moan how she wanted to be one of those girls on the pages because they were just  _ sooo _ pretty and perfect.

Doyeon agrees and throws out her observation, “she always extra bitchy when she has a boyfriend.”

“I know right? From the second she gets one all she does is complain about how she can’t wait to break up with him.” Yoojung raises in her seat and throws her hand up, “she’s totally gay, she’s got too many posters of Janet Jackson in her room to be fully straight.” 

Yoojung stares over at her best friend who was sulking around at the counter, Xiaojun was probably talking about boys thinking Jinsoul was interested. Jinsoul was miserable because she wasn’t remotely interested in boys.

“Yves is a girl by the way.”

“What really? Isn’t that the person Jinsoul was obsessed with?” 

Yoojung nods, “yup and look at her.” Both of them glance over at Jinsoul. Who was now leaning sadly against the counter, she was wearing a crew neck oversized sweater and jogging pants...an indicator that she was down in the dumps. Because Jung Jinsoul refused to wear something so hideous, unless she was somewhat depressed. Then looking like a homeless person was excusable.

They pulled their gaze from the flashy arcade colors where Jinsoul was kinda an eyesore in the vibrancy. She belonged back here in the shadowed booths only illuminated by the dull bar lights that suited her mood more. 

“I’ve never seen Jinsoul so…” Doyeon trails off but Yoojung knows exactly what her girlfriend was thinking. Jinsoul had only two moods, bitchy micbitcherson and the most bubbly person alive. Jinsoul was a real trip and could be real fun maybe even the most when someone hasn’t pissed her off in some way. Other than that Jinsoul didn’t really have any other sides...that she showed at least. Yoojung knew every side of Jinsoul, and that she could actually be a really sweet person. This side of her doesn’t show often however, this is only the second time she’s seen the blonde like this beside that one time her tommy jeans got ripped down the crack.

Yoojung frowns, “I know right.”

“Is this because of Yves?”

“Yup,” Yoojung replies with a pop of her lips. This whole week Jinsoul has been like this. Coming to the arcade in oversized shades and a pout so powerful it could break or melt anyone’s heart. The blonde would longingly watch Q*Bert but never go play. “She met her last week and it didn’t go well.” Yoojung remembers getting the call at 3am, first her best friend had apologized for being a jerk at the party and then told her about her finally meeting her rival. “Jinsoul always has these fantasies about people.” Yoojung bites her lip, “she said Yves was exactly how she envisioned her to be.”

Doyeon hums, “then what went wrong?”

Yoojung raises one brow giving her girlfriend the look, “you are aware of who we're talking about right?” Doyeon leaves her lips in the form of an O when Yoojung starts to explain, “Jinsoul always forgets to put herself in her fantasies...Yves may have been everything she imagined but she didn’t factor herself in the equation or how Yves would react to her. Let’s just say it’s not in the way Jinsoul wanted her to.”

“Oh.”

“Jinsoul was an asshole to her.” 

“Oh…”

“But she doesn’t regret it because apparently Yves was an asshole too.” 

“Oh?”

Yoojung nods and starts to get up, “let’s try and cheer her up.” Doyeon nods at her girlfriend and starts to follow her to the snack bar. She waves at Ravi getting his attention, Jungwoo was in the back too swatting at all the flies.

Doyeon takes a few bills out of her wallet and hands it to the guy, “extra cheesy nachos. Make sure to put more cheese than chips.” 

Ravi goes to grab the money but then narrows his eyes, “is this for Soul?”

The lovers glance at each other then back to the cook before nodding, he pushes the hand holding the money away. “I got it.” Doyeon shrugs at Yoojung before shoving the dollars back in her pocket.

Ravi makes the best nachos ever, putting extra care into them before handing them to Doyeon. “I noticed my girl has been down this week. Y’all know what’s up?”

Yoojung smiles, “just stressed about school.” 

The cook scratches his bleached hair and nods, “make sure she eats every bit of that aight.” The girls give him a thumbs up and start to walk towards the counter and away from the corner filled with off colored booths. 

“There’s something Soul is not telling me about this girl though. Usually when she doesn’t end up liking someone she just moves on, but she’s stuck on her for some reason.” Yoojung looks up at her girlfriend who is eyeing the nachos with hungry eyes, “I smell something fruity.” Doyeon smiles at her knowingly before shushing her with a finger as they get closer to Jinsoul. 

“Heyyy Soul we brought you some munchies.” Jinsoul sighs and looks at the food that’s sat in front of her before pushing it away. Doyeon and Yoojung blink out of shock. Jinsoul never turned down nachos, no matter how upset she was. She’d just start eating while still being mad about whatever had bothered her. Usually complaining with a mouth full of cheese.

The blonde rests her cheek on her hand and continues to stare at the empty spot at Q*bert, “not hungry.” 

Yoojung comes to hug her from behind, “babes what did you eat today.”

“Coffee.”

The taller girl in front of Jinsoul frowns, “that’s not a meal Jinsoul.” The blonde shrugs and looks past her to stare at the same spot she has been for hours.

Jinsoul practically lived at the arcade now since she wasn’t preoccupied with school or a boy. But the entire week she hasn’t seen Yves. Jinsoul is afraid she really ran her off and will never see the girl again. Scoffing she corrects herself, she  _ never  _ wanted to see Yves again. Even if she really wanted to apologize for her drunken behavior that Saturday night a week ago. 

Shaking her head she tells herself, Yves didn’t deserve an apology. And Jinsoul didn’t want to see her ever again. She could really care less about that girl. 

She was just upset that her life was boring again. Not like Yves would have changed that at all. She would have just been a pain in Jinsoul’s ass. “Sooo you’re not gonna eat those?” Doyeon points at the nachos and Jinsoul tilts her head giving the girl permission to eat them.

Yoojung glares at her girlfriend as she starts to chow down, Jinsoul was in no way cheered up. Yoojung squeezes her bestfriend some more, “come on Soul forget about that stupid girl. When have you ever let someone get under your skin like this?” Yoojung was right...Jinsoul never let someone become the center of the universe. It was the other way around. 

But here she was, not even close to being in Yves’ orbit. While Yves was her entire galaxy. 

Jinsoul plays it off like that girl is not the reason she doesn’t have any makeup on and smells like a bucket of fried chicken because that’s all she’s ate this week. That was her comfort food, but all it was doing was making her more depressed because she was gaining weight instead of happiness. 

“What girl?”

Yoojung rolls her eyes, “you know exactly what girl.”

Xiaojun puts his two cents in, “oh please you’re still hung up on that loser? Come on soul you’re better than that! You’ve never let a bitch get to you like this.” Jinsoul wants to defend Yves for some reason because she’s not a bitch. She’s just...not into Jinsoul like Jinsoul wanted her to be. Jinsoul expected a fight or just anything but what she got was disappointment.

Yves wasn’t even interested in her enough to argue. That’s how irrelevant Jinsoul was to her when Yves has been the spotlight of Jinsoul’s life for about a month now. 

That night Yves wanted to go home and all Jinsoul did was bother her. Yves even tried being nice to her before she eventually got tired of her attitude like any sane person would. 

Jinsoul is positive Yves probably hasn’t thought of her once since then. When she’s all Jinsoul had thought about this week. Jinsoul ruined it. But isn’t this what she wanted? To run Yves off so she’d be the top scorer of Q*bert. To finally solve the mystery and destroy it in the process. Jinsoul did tell herself she’d get rid of Yves because she was so annoying.

But here she was wishing the girl was back so she’d have something interesting in her life again. 

“Why do you guys think it’s about Yves? I just got a bad score on a test that’s all.”

Yoojung catches the lie, “first of all when have you ever got anything other than an A, second of all even if you got a bad score you wouldn’t be moping around in sweatpants. You’d be in your leather pants living it up in some club forgetting about it.” 

Jinsoul groans and bangs her head on the counter and makes all three of her friends worried. “Just shut up about it! All you’re doing is making it worse!” Jinsoul barks at them from the sleeves of her sweater. 

“And what exactly are we making worse?” Xiaojun asks with a sharpness to his voice.

Yoojung rubs on her friends back, “that she’s clearly not over this competition she’s got with Yves.” Jinsoul whines from below, she’s totally over it. Just disappointed with the result is all that she’s upset about. 

“I am over it!” 

“Then why do you keep staring at the game instead of playing it.” 

“Because she’s scared she’s not gonna see Yves’ name on the scoreboard.” Jinsoul doesn’t know why it’s painful to hear that. Like Yves never existed in the first place. And how all of this has been for nothing and Jinsoul’s left with embarrassment and regret. 

They’re all thrown into silence after Jinsoul doesn’t reply to anything they throw at her. That’s until Xiaojun spots someone coming through the entrance, “oh hello! Twelve o’ clock!” Everyone looks except Jinsoul herself because she thinks it’s probably just some eye candy for Xiaojun.

Everyone in the arcade stares at the girl strutting in with platform doc martens on along with ripped red plaid pants and a shirt so torn up it shows the most intimate parts of the girl’s upper body.

The girl’s hair is pulled up in a half ponytail. Her glasses barely hanging to her nose and a moving smirk from the gum she was casually chewing.

The three at the counter let their jaws drop as the girl shuffled off her studded leather coat while pulling a chair up to Q*bert. All eyes are on her in the arcade  _ except the only pair she wants _ , even some boys drool at the tiny waist on display and the attractive way the girl sits down on the stool. Leaving her legs spread wide instead of crossing them like she usually does.

Xiaojun even blushes, “no way! Is that Yves?!” Who else would it be? Jinsoul described the girl as a chic city girl that looked like she’d never set foot in an arcade. That she was kinda attractive...for a dweeb that is. 

Jinsoul’s heart drops to her tummy and she looks up at the speed of lightning. Only to lock eyes with the girl that’s been glued in her thoughts the entire week. “Holy shit!” Jinsoul falls backward and hides behind the counter, pressing her back against the wooden frame.

As Jinsoul pulls her knees to her chest Xiaojun starts to fawn over girl, “fuck she’s like so hot...I might be straight again.” Yoojung stares down at Jinsoul who was shaking like a leaf. Okay maybe she didn’t know all sides of Jinsoul. Because she’s never seen this side of her, nor that she even remotely knew what she was seeing.

Yves keeps her expression stone cold as she glances over at the counter where she totally just saw the girl that had followed her home last weekend. Without a second thought she turns to the screen and starts playing. 

“Jinsoul is that her?” Yoojung asks and the blonde nods slowly. Keeping her eyes to the distance. 

Doyeon stares at the girl playing, “hey I think that’s Ha Sooyoung.” 

Yoojung and Jinsoul both jerk at the mention of a name. The name starts to rotate in Jinsoul’s mind like a broken record. “Doyeon!” She yells out and catches the girl’s attention. Jinsoul can’t let Yves see her right now, she’d rather be caught dead than looking this bad in front of her nemesis. Also she was weak right now...if she were to ever confront Yves again she’d have to be her strongest and that definitely wasn’t now.

Doyeon looks over the counter at Jinsoul who’s hiding. “Um? Yeah?”

Jinsoul peaks up, “could you come over here? Please?” Jinsoul’s voice was very light and polite, highly unusual. Doyeon shrugs at her girlfriend before rounding the counter. Only to be pulled to the floor by Jinsoul. Yoojung blushes as she’s brought down too since Doyeon had grabbed her for balance. Xiaojun is too engrossed by Yves to noticed the dog pile below him.

He swoons, “wow Jinsoul I think she could give you a run for ya money with a style like that.” The boy continues to stare as Yves doesn’t notice the consultation going on behind the counter.

Jinsoul lets the two in front of her get sorted before seething out, “tell me everything you know.” 

Yoojung hides a snort, “I thought you was over it?”

“Shut up stupid I am.” Yoojung has to smile...that was the Jinsoul she knew. 

Doyeon uneasily looks around, “why do we have to be down here?”

Jinsoul furrows her brows and crosses her arms, “are you serious? I have no eyeliner on and look!” Jinsoul points at the various stains on her clothes, “chocolate chip mint from two. TWO. Nights ago. I can’t be seen like this.”

Doyeon raises a brow, “I think you look fine.” 

“And I think you’re a terrible liar. Seriously the worst.”

Yoojung can’t stop laughing but once Jinsoul glares at her she immediately stops. Doyeon clears her throat and mumbles out, “Um she went to my university and graduated like a year ago.” Jinsoul narrows her eyes, so Sooyoung must be around 23. A few years older than her. “She’s like really talented, had a lot of potential and went on to be a concept artist for some game developer.” Jinsoul takes a deep breath since the air around becomes thinner. “I think she even helps develop them herself. She was a TA for the TAD department.” 

“What the fuck is TAD?” Jinsoul spits angrily. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.” 

Doyeon swallows fearfully, “technology and applied design. She’s like a genius or whatever when it comes to computers and programming.” 

“So she's one of those tech dorks...” _ how fucking adorable.  _ “How fucking pathetic and lame.” Jinsoul scoffs then smiles to herself. She was wallowing in self-pity over a loser who got her rocks off on numbers and shit. “What was her major?”

Doyeon scratches her head, “I think it was like computer science and graphic design.” Jinsoul rolls her eyes,  _ yup a total dweeb.  _

“What else do you know? Tell me now.” Jinsoul raises up to her knees while peaking over the counter to stare at Yves. The girl was the same as the first night she met her. Nonchalantly playing the game while annoyingly chewing her gum. Jinsoul ducks back down when Yves side glances in her direction.

Yoojung looks over to her girlfriend and mouths  _ g-a-y _ as Doyeon shakes her head in disbelief. Yoojung was totally right...Jinsoul’s case of heterosexuality was not looking too well right now. She was way too obsessed with Yves. “Not much really she was kinda a loner.” Jinsoul’s heart cracks only the tiniest bit at that before sitting back down. “but the kind of person that you’d want to hang out with, she’s pretty laid back and it’s easy to relax with her.” 

Doyeon thinks a bit, “but it’s hard to not relax when someone’s so quiet all the time.” Doyeon has hung out with Sooyoung a few times during her time at the college. The girl was reserved but friendly enough to not make it weird.

“Don’t you think it’s creepy though?” Jinsoul mumbles out as she recalls the subway. When Sooyoung was close to her...it was comforting. But at the same time made Jinsoul's skin erupt with goosebumps and cause the tiny hairs on the back of her neck to stand. The total opposite of relaxing.

Doyeon shakes her head, “no...maybe she’s just shy.” 

Jinsoul blinks, “Ha Sooyoung?” Doyeon nods her head with sureness. “Ha Sooyoung is not fucking shy, she just doesn’t bother.” Doyeon scrunching her eyebrows together, “that’s why she’s all weird about not talking and shit because she could really give less of a fuck about anything.” Her memories swim back to that night, when Sooyoung didn’t care about her existence. Jinsoul pauses as Doyeon and Yoojung gives her pitiful expressions, “you said she works for a game developer?” 

“Yeah she got a lot of recognition for it to being like one of the only women to be successful in the field.” That’s all Jinsoul needs and she pops up. The two of them watch Jinsoul dart out the arcade, Xiaojun is even pulled away from gawking at Sooyoung.

Ha Sooyoung…

_ Sooyoung. _

Jinsoul runs past the girl playing the game. Not giving her a second glance. However if Jinsoul knew that Sooyoung stared at her as she ran out she would have wished she had looked. Just to see the girl’s expression. Sooyoung watches as the blonde whips out the arcade and isn’t pulled from her daze until she hears a sound she wasn’t prepared for.

Looking at the screen she curses, “ah fuck.”

Sooyoung had lost the game for the first time unintentionally.

~~~~

At the library Jiwoo has her feet up on the desk filing away at her nails. Nobody was here on a Saturday night so she could play music lightly on her radio and just relax in her comfy seat.

That’s until something smacks down on the desk making her fall backwards screaming. The few students that are lame enough to study stare over at the noise but quickly go back to their notes after a few silent seconds.

Jiwoo glares up at the blonde who keeps whispering her name like she hasn’t already gotten her attention, “Jiwoo Jiwoo Jiwoo hi I like need the biggest favor ever pleaseeee please.” The red-head bangs her head on the floor and Jinsoul considers her favor accepted. Cornering the checkout counter, Jinsoul helps her friend back to her feet. 

The red-head slaps her on the leg a few times before gasping in shock. Jinsoul puffs up, “what?”

Jiwoo looks her up and down before plainly stating, “you’re not like dressed up.”

“Oh shut up you’re like the tenth person to say that!”

The librarian apologizes and Jinsoul rolls her eyes at the sincerity before getting to her favor, “so could you help me find a certain someone and any info on them?” 

“Like a biography?”

Jinsoul shakes her head and sits on top of the counter much to Jiwoo’s displeasure. “No she’s not that famous.”

Jiwoo crosses her arms beginning to get irritated, “who is it Jinsoul?”

“Ha Sooyoung.” 

The red-heads eyes light up in recognition and she rolls her chair over to the old computer to type something. “I know her, she used to come here a lot.”

Jinsoul rolls her head back, it seems like everyone knew who Ha Sooyoung was except her. “She has some newspaper and magazine articles about her.” Jinsoul smiles and Jiwoo deflates as the blonde tugs on her hands before she stands up. Through the library Jinsoul follows the shorter girl’s lead, keeping a grip on her skirt even though she really didn’t need to. She just liked keeping Jiwoo close to her.

They walk into a room full of files, where all the city newspapers were. “Okay the issue should be in May nineteen eighty four and February nineteen eighty five. I’ll look for the magazines.” Jinsoul hums and starts to flick through the files, checking the dates as she flips across them. Finding the first newspaper she tears through it before she sees a certain someone smiling with all her teeth. With much longer, wavy hair and incredibly dorky glasses, way worse than the ones she had now.

Sooyoung even had braces then and she was poorly dressed in oversized dress clothes. The title of the article was  _ Technology Babes: female graduates at the top of a male predominated field _ . It mostly talks about how the girl had blown others out of the water in her graduating class and how she proved a lot of people wrong. Jinsoul smiles to herself secretly at the black and white photo of the younger and overly excited girl. The article really specifies just how amazing this girl is with sentences like _ genius with passion and extraordinary skill.  _

Tucking the newspaper under her arm she goes to the next one. Quickly finding in the mix. This time Sooyoung is on the front page with a pretty strong headline.  _ First Woman to be hired as Game Designer and Software Developer at Polaris Inc: New York's fastest developing Video entertainment company.  _ Jinsoul allows herself to be impressed for a few moments. Polaris was  _ the  _ company. The one that put out all the big games that everyone anticipated every year.

Sooyoung was kinda important. 

And Jinsoul had gotten pissy at her for ignoring her. No wonder Sooyoung didn’t bother with her, she probably dealt with a lot of assholes in her life and everyday at that. The last thing she would want that night is some irrelevant college student bitching at her. 

Jinsoul feels bad for just a second.

The picture they have of Sooyoung is a lot different. The girl is barely smiling holding an atari up. Behind her is the rest of the developing team with equally half-assed smiles. Jinsoul doesn’t like the way the energy seems gone in this picture compared to the one where Sooyoung had just graduated.

Jiwoo strolls up to her with a few magazines in hand and Jinsoul thanks her while taking them out of her hold. Following Jiwoo back to the desk they chat, “so you knew her?” Jinsoul narrows her eyes at the way Jiwoo nervously laughs and pulls at her red ears from embarrassment. 

“Yeah she um, she was chill or whatever. Really sweet but lived in the library.” Jiwoo stutters out, leaving out one very important piece to the puzzle. “I’d keep her company when she’d do all nighters, it gets lonely studying all alone like that.”

Jinsoul raises a brow suspiciously, “sounds like you knew her pretty well.” Jiwoo bursts out laughing uncharacteristically and waves her hand at Jinsoul like she was speaking nonsense. Little did Jinsoul know that with the sweetness, Sooyoung was a real smooth talker or just a straight up flirt. Jiwoo spent all nighters with the girl outside of the uncomfortable library chairs and instead in some very soft sheets. 

“I mean I guess? Haha we just chatted some, it wasn’t like we were friends or anything.” Jinsoul doesn’t push the girl further because there’s a peculiar glint to Jiwoo’s eyes that tells her that she’s poking at a sensitive topic. Jiwoo quickly changes it, “so how do you know Sooyoung?”

They make it to the counter and Jiwoo gives Jinsoul a checkout card, “she’s Yves.”

Jiwoo gasps, “no way! Really?!”

Jinsoul shrugs, “yup.”

The redhead chuckles, “sounds like her, only she’d be the person to end up pissing you off... anyways what are you planning to do with those?” Jiwoo points at the papers in Jinsoul’s hands and the blonde hums.

“Just seeing who I’m up against.” Jiwoo basically knew the whole situation, except for the part where Jinsoul followed Sooyoung home that one night and basically developed an infatuation with her.

Jiwoo smiles at her and wishes her luck. But as Jinsoul pauses in her step when the red head quietly lays out some words that make her question her whole approach to this rivalry. 

“Be careful Jinsoul.”

The blonde turns to look at Jiwoo who’s strangely hiding something behind her smile.

“Sooyoung knows her way around most games...she’s not the kind of player you want to get involved with when it comes to a real one.”

Jinsoul nods even though she’s confused. As she rides the bus home she wonders what Jiwoo meant when she mentioned a real one...if she was talking about an actual game or something way more than that, something that was beyond Jinsoul. The comment throws her off and she starts to see Sooyoung as more than just a rival, but someone she needed to watch out for. 

Looking out the window, the streetlights whip by her, disappearing one by one into the night.

_ Just who are you Ha Sooyoung. _

~~~~

Ha Sooyoung is a humble artist who has a great passion for gaming and programming. Jinsoul reads this over and over again. She thinks it’s a damn lie. Cutting out the fifth picture of Sooyoung she goes to hang it on her dart board before returning to her desk to read more about the  _ oh so _ conscientious software developer. 

It’s all bullshit to Jinsoul because everything that she experienced contradicts what’s written in the pages. Jiwoo might kill her for cutting out the pages just so she can take her anger out on the photos but it’s going to be so worth it. 

Grabbing her darts she stands a few feet away and takes aim before chucking the sharp object at Sooyoung’s face. Jinsoul let’s her arm go limp when she hits bullseye, right in the middle of the girl’s face in the first newspaper picture. Walking towards the board she plucks the dart from the picture and frowns when the girl’s nose is now non-existent. 

Jinsoul takes all the darts and jabs them into the board. No matter how many times she tries to destroy the image of Sooyoung in her head, another one somehow materializes not a second after.

She can’t puncture a dart into the memories of Sooyoung.

Giving up she goes to flop onto her bed face first to succumb to her obsession. Everyone had a different feeling about Sooyoung, but hers was the only one that was negative. Jinsoul starts to think that she’s the problem. 

Turning over on her back she looks around at all the posters on her wall. In the far corner there’s just a section of magazine cut outs (all girls) and her shelf of little figurines. It isn’t the first time she’s been obsessed with a girl, Jinsoul always blamed it on her insecurities. 

Like that time the girl in fifth period had the perfect body.

Or the girl in her intro speech class that always wore the cutest mini skirts.

Now the girl that was better than her at video games.

Jinsoul would get upset that she didn’t have the perfect body or best style. That was the reason she would get so stuck on a girl, because she wanted to be on top, wanted to be them. She wanted to be the girl other girls would get jealous of.

Sooyoung was just another girl that Jinsoul competed with in being the best.

Jinsoul shoves her face in her pillow and kicks her feet into the mattress aggressively, “WHY DOES THIS FUCKING SUCK SO BAD!”

The blonde was good at getting over it, but for some reason it was hard to get past something that didn’t feel like it ever started. Jinsoul raises her head and blinks. Jumping off her bed she goes to pluck the pictures off the dartboard except for the one that she anninlated. Jinsoul tapes them next to her magazine cut outs and shakes her head at how well Sooyoung fits in with the rest of the models. How she belonged. 

With that thought, Jinsoul gets an idea.

~~~~

Xiaojun is flirting with one of the plumbers, earlier one of the regular dweebs had clogged the toilet after having way too many of Ravi’s hotdogs. The boy leans over and plays with the man's chest hair that was poking out of the unbuttoned shirt. “Wow these are so...nice.” The man with some scruff smiles and winks at Xiaojun.

Yoojung was reading a magazine ignoring the whole exchange. Every now and then she’d peek over the top of the catalogue and check on the girl at Q*bert. It was odd seeing Jinsoul’s rival here before sundown and it was also strange that the blonde wasn’t here moping around like she has been all week.

The girl looked bored out of her mind, but didn’t move out her spot in front of the screen. She was in some casual clothes with a leather jacket thrown over it. “How can she make a t-shirt and jeans look couture?” Yoojung blinks out of her daze, not realizing how long she had been staring. 

Clearing her throat she looks back down to her magazine, being on the same page still from half an hour ago. “Because she could pass as a model.”

Xiaojun hums, “and she’s spending precious time where it smells like fucking onions from the group of cess pools by street figther. Like does she not have sexy woman stuff to do?”

“What is sexy woman stuff?”

“I don’t know? Having sex, partying, maybe shopping or scamming men.” Yoojung snorts at Xiaojun, “but she’s playing that weird ass game. She’s wasting her beauty. If I was even remotely that pretty I would be using my power elsewhere.”

Yoojung rolls her eyes, “and where would that be?”

The boy slumps on the counter, “not at this dump.”

“Hmm well you’re broke so you’re stuck with me in this dump.” Xiaojun groans at Yoojung and rolls to his back and leans on his elbows, “besides, she’s not wasting her beauty. She’s doing what she wants and nothing is more beautiful than a woman’s choice.”

The boy stares at her like she grew a third eye and Yoojung wobbles her head with an attitude, she covers her face when her best friend starts to speak again. “God you’re so boring where the fuck is Jinsoul, I want some drama.” Yoojung ignores him because for the first time she actually agrees with something he said but at the same time wishes he’d just shut up. 

Outside, the orange light from the arcade starts to creep in like a phantom. Sooyoung suicides the game and pops her a neck a few times from it being stiff. Checking her watch she sighs, but then a figure catches her eye.

Looking towards the entrance the sunset hides a silhouette like a shadow. Sooyoung narrows her eyes but as the shadow struts towards the darkness of the arcade her jaw slowly loosens until she completely freezes in shock. 

Xiaojun inflates with joy, “gawt dayum!” It’s Jung Jinsoul and Yoojung’s magazine slips out of her fingers when she sees her friend. It’s a complete 180 from yesterday.

Jinsoul has her hair straightened to where it could be mistaken as silk. Yoojung blushes as her friend struts towards them, her jeans looking painted on with the way they hugged her hips. Six inch heels click on the floor as Jinsoul adjusts her white tank that had been cropped. The blonde smiles and her teeth shine just like the gold hoops that dangle from her ears.

Sooyoung almost breaks her neck from how hard she’s looking, when the blonde wisps by her she snaps her head around just so she can keep staring.

Yoojung wishes she could film the whole thing.

“Hiii bitches did you miss me?” Jinsoul calls out to the two checking her out from head to toe.

Xiaojun reaches over to play with Jinsoul’s hair, “girl I can see your nip nops!” Jinsoul looks down and covers her nipples that were poking out while giggling, “god this fit is to die for bitch this is going to be the next trend watch and see.” 

Yoojung can also see Jinsoul’s nip nops and she stares closely at the gold necklace that lays against the blonde skin, “um do you have body glitter on?”

Jinsoul backs away, “what? No?” Yoojung raises a brow, she totally had body glitter on. This was Jinsoul’s hoe outfit and Yoojung has seen it countless times in her life. Usually after Jinsoul breaks up or suffers a bad day. Try a bad week...and now Yoojung is starting to question a lot of things.

Like if Jinsoul has always been this hot or if just the fact that she’s half naked.

One or two things could have happened. Either Jinsoul is finally over this slump caused by the girl who was  _ still  _ staring at her. Or that she was up to something. 

“Dude your girl is looking at you like she wants to eat you alive.” Xiaojun whines out and laughs with mischief. But he was right, Yoojung looks past where Jinsoul was leaning against the counter. Sooyoung reminded her of an animal caught in headlights mixed with someone who was about to faint.

Jinsoul raises a brow, “who?”

Yoojung points over and all three of them snap their gaze to Sooyoung who was close to drooling. Sooyoung jumps a bit when she notices three pairs of eyes on her and jerks her face back to the screen as if her eyes weren’t just glued to Jinsoul. The blonde turns back just as quickly, “oh I didn’t even know she was there.”

Okay, weird. Yoojung thinks this is weird because Jinsoul was over Sooyoung in the matter of twenty four hours. “I was wanting to go out tonight!” Yoojung is shocked, she really thought Jinsoul would be wearing those sweatpants for at least another week.

“Sorry bitch I’m closing tonight.” Xiaojun cries and pouts up, wanting nothing more than to get out of the arcade. Jinsoul begs Yoojung with her puppy dog eyes and it’s borderline irresistible. She hated when her best friend would act adorable because it was hard to say no.

But Yoojung really needs the money, “Soul I can’t, my shift doesn't end till twelve.”

Jinsoul leans her head back and groans, “god you guys are the worst!” The blonde turns over to lean back onto the counter, “I was feeling myself too...now what the fuck am I supposed to do.” Jinsoul mumbles to herself and scopes out the arcade. Looking everywhere but  _ that _ spot. The spot where Sooyoung was sitting frozen, not even moving to play the game. She has to fight the urge to walk over,  _ ignore her like she ignored you. _

_ She’s irrelevant. Time to move on. _

“Your girl has been here for like an hour. I think she was waiting for you.” Jinsoul is already losing because she didn’t even notice that she was staring right at Sooyoung until she’s pulled out of her daydreaming. She’s losing at the game she didn’t even know she was playing and she knows exactly why. Because the girl isn’t infatuated with her like she is with Sooyoung. 

Jinsoul rolls her eyes and pretends that she wasn’t just wishing Sooyoung would look her way again, “she’s not my girl and she wasn’t waiting on me, she has no life that’s why she’s here.” Yoojung closely observes Jinsoul and then realizes that the blonde is not over it.

She’s even worse.

That’s exactly why Jinsoul has body glitter on with her entire midriff exposed. Wearing no bra with a thin white piece of fabric that questionably passed as an article of clothing. Why she had her ‘ _ fuck me pumps _ ’ on and the tigthest pair of jeans she owned. She was begging for attention in any form. But especially from the girl struggling to function properly again in front of the arcade screen.

Yoojung couldn’t wait to tell Doeyon.

Sooyoung takes a deep breath and then starts to play again as if nothing had ever happened and as if there weren't a pair of black eyes staring straight into her soul. The blonde can’t stand it anymore.

_ Fuck it.  _

“Do I smell good?” Yoojung and Xioajun both stare at her funny. 

Xiaojun leans forward to take a whiff, “yeah, like cinnamon and vanilla baby.” They’re not able to ask why and can only watch as Jinsoul power walks over to the girl playing the game with expert skill. Jinsoul was sick and tired of being a second thought. So she’d make it to where Sooyoung couldn’t think of anything  _ but  _ her. It just wasn’t fair that she was the only one suffering from this...

Jinsoul looks at the game and apologizes to it telepathically for what she’s about to do.

The girl doesn’t flinch when Jinsoul slams her palm into the side of the hunk of metal, nor does she bat an eye when Jinsoul leans down to spit angrily, “sup’ loser.” Jinsoul’s blood starts to boil when she gets no reaction at all. Like...at all. The screen reflects onto Sooyoung’s glasses so Jinsoul can’t see how the girl’s eyes narrow. 

“Okay,” Jinsoul says calmly and then reaches down to mess with the buttons and she smirks when she hears the sound of death, no matter how much it pained her to do so. Sooyoung stops chewing her gum and glances down to where hands shaking with rage had replaced her own. 

Sooyoung doesn’t dare to look at Jinsoul as she weakly mumbles out, “that wasn’t very nice of you.”

“Well it also isn’t very nice to fucking ignore someone is it?” Jinsoul was back to wanting to kill this girl like she did the first night.

Sooyoung slumps her shoulders, “so you’re actually a bitch…tragic.”

“EXCUSE ME!”

Yoojung panics, “Jun she tilted her head ninety degrees to the right should we stop it?”

The boy smiles, “nah this is going to be good.” 

Sooyoung goes to play again but Jinsoul doesn’t allow her, blocking her hands from the buttons. “You have some fucking nerve talking to me like that.” 

Jinsoul swallows roughly as Sooyoung’s face hardens, “are you always such a brat? Or are you just like that around me?” Sooyoung finally looks her in the eye and Jinsoul backs away and crosses her arms at the steeled gaze. 

“Nope, you’re just insufferable and it pisses me off.” Sooyoung closes her eyes at Jinsoul’s insults and starts to pop her knuckles since she was becoming irritated.

The blonde watches the girl’s hands and how a lot of her fingers were crooked. “If you wanted to play you could have just asked nicely.” Jinsoul disregards the fact that Sooyoung’s fingers are long and probably the reason she’s so good at games, and focuses on how unaffected she sounds. Like Jinsoul’s words meant nothing.

“Ha, if you weren't such a dumbass you could remember that I’ve already tried that,” the blonde scoffs and leans onto the side of the arcade game, “and we saw how that turned out.”

Sooyoung shakes her head in disbelief, “you were being rude.”

“Awww did I hurt your wittle feelings? Should I have gotten on my hands and knees and begged you?” Jinsoul mocks her and she can see how glossy Sooyoung’s eyes are getting. Finally Jinsoul feels like she’s getting somewhere, especially when the girl pouts up at her. Jinsoul laughs in her face which makes it even worse.

Sooyoung groans and turns her head, “no you could have just been a little nicer that’s all.”

Jinsoul holds her stomach from how bad she’s laughing before wiping a tear from her eye, “my god you are so sensitive, who knew you’d be such a baby over something this stupid..” The blonde keeps laughing, hiding her face in her elbow that’s pressed against the arcade game.

“Are you done?” Sooyoung bites out, clearly getting tired of Jinsoul. She doesn’t want to fight anymore because it would go nowhere. If she kept feeding into Jinsoul’s attitude they’d go at it all night.

The blonde immediately stops laughing, “yeah are you?”

Sooyoung stands suddenly and Jinsoul forgets how tall the girl is after she towers over her. “Yeah I am.” The girl grabs her bag and starts to walk out of the arcade and Jinsoul blinks, wait this isn’t what was supposed to happen. 

Jinsoul follows after her, “hey hold on a second where are you going?”

The taller girl turns around confused, “home? I’m not gonna sit here and do this childish shit with you.”

Not really knowing how to reply, Jinsoul chooses to continue to be childish, “are you going home to cry like the bitch you are?” Sooyoung stares at her. Most of the arcade is staring at them right now, even Ravi had started handing out popcorn. Neither of them had noticed because they were in each other’s own little world where they only existed. Where the only thing that mattered was this argument.

It takes too long for Sooyoung to reply, but when she does Jinsoul wishes she never had walked up to her in the first place, “who the fuck are you?” Sooyoung takes a step forward and Jinsoul takes one back. Hating the way Sooyoung looks down on her with that cold stare, “no seriously who are you and why do you keep bothering me... You’re such a pain in the ass and it's so god damn annoying.” 

Jinsoul breaks the stare down and looks down at her feet ashamed, “it’s like you're obsessed with me and I don’t know why.” Biting the inside of her cheek she ignores the nausea in her tummy. “Listen, I really could care less about the problem you have with me so I’m gonna leave and pretend this never happened. Just...leave me alone please.” Sooyoung’s voice loses it’s edge from previously and melts into something more soft. Something that Jinsoul can’t really handle.

“Ouch.” One of the boys near by lets out and they both glare at him making him cower back. Then Sooyoung notices everyone behind staring at them waiting for the next part, and then she notices the quiver to Jinsoul’s lip, but the blonde was fighting it back.

The girl rubs her temples with one hand, “fuck…” Jinsoul doesn’t like the way Sooyoung laughs weakly, or how upset she sounds. “I’m really sorry, um whatever your name is, it wasn’t very nice of me to be like that even though you’ve been everything but nice to me. Still I shouldn’t have said any of that.” Of course Sooyoung flips the table once again. Saying something that makes Jinsoul’s head spin. How she could turn around from being the asshole she’s supposed to be into someone regretting their actions with a sweet apology.

Sooyoung frowns and turns to leave finally, planning on never returning again. “And I’m sorry for whatever I did to make you hate me but you don’t have to worry about it anymore.” 

Jinsoul can only muster up a few pathetic words, “it’s okay I guess.” Sooyoung smiles sincerely at her just like that one night that left Jinsoul’s chest hollow and begins to walk out.

The blonde watches her disappear into the sunset.  _ Not again.  _

_ I can’t let you slip out of my fingers again. _

“You can’t leave until I beat you!”

Sooyoung stops but doesn’t turn around, Jinsoul takes it as an invitation to continue, “one on one, every game in this place. Winner gets to choose what happens to the loser.” She says it with a nervous voice, hoping. Just hoping it’s enough to make Sooyoung turn back around. 

Jinsoul doesn’t know why it feels like she’s won already when she’s facing Sooyoung again. “If I lose?”

The blonde thinks about it for a second and says the first thing that comes to mind, “you won’t be allowed to step near me nor this place ever again…” Something changes behind Sooyoung’s expression, but it goes away so fast Jinsoul isn’t able to dwell on it for too long.

“Deal.” Jinsoul looks at the hand outstretched.

But before she takes it she has to know, “if I lose?”

“I’ll let you know when you do.” Jinsoul narrows her eyes and Sooyoung smirks, “please you really think you’re gonna win?” She freezes entirely when Sooyoung leans forward grabbing her elbow to pull her closer, close enough to speak directly into her ear, the hot air from Sooyoung’s breath presses against the sensitive area causing an icy chill to crawl down her spine. “You might be good.”

Jinsoul makes sure to hold her own breath, so Sooyoung can’t hear how uneven it’s gotten.

“ _ But I’m better.” _

~~~~

Hmmm I’m not so sure how I feel about this chapter. It was mostly a filler and a build up to the next chapter that will be nothing but Yvesoul hehe, so I thought it would be okay to leave you guys at this cliffhanger. I hope everyone still likes it! Thank u mwah! 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  


  
  
  


  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. Winning an impossible game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinsoul’s a bit crazy, but Sooyoung doesn’t mind all that much

“But I’m better _.” _

There’s something dangerous in the way Sooyoung whispers the words out. Jinsoul closes her eyes tightly and shakes the hand off her elbow. “Who said you can touch me freak?” She trusts that the weird heat in her tummy is completely normal, convinced it’s a natural reaction to being angry.

Except Jinsoul’s been pissed a lot in her life, not once has she had this feeling. 

Staring at Sooyoung she knows there’s a silent game they're playing. Jinsoul’s losing...badly, Sooyoung is composed and even has a glint of mischief in her eyes while she is about to explode. The blonde refused to let some loser get under her skin. 

Because clearly she didn’t affect Sooyoung at all. It was like the girl was bullet proof when Jinsoul had unloaded her entire clip on her. 

Sooyoung raises up after being pushed away from Jinsoul and quietly asks her, “which do you wanna play first?” Jinsoul glares at her before turning her cheek, “It doesn’t matter to me really, since I’m gonna win every time anyways.” 

Jinsoul grits her teeth and grumbles under her breath when Sooyoung only smiles at her. That same sincere smile that she’s thrown her before. “Yeah right...you fucking wish.”

A hand holds itself out, Jinsoul gaze traces the lines of Sooyoung’s palm and hates how smooth her voice is. “Prove me wrong then?” Not bothering to say anything Jinsoul goes to the first game she’s had in her mind since the beginning of this rivalry. The one that started it all. Strutting over to Q*bert Sooyoung quietly follows her behind. 

“Predictable.” Sooyoung sighs out.

“Do you blame me?” 

Jinsoul jerks her eyes to Sooyoung and back to the game, for some reason she wasn’t as irritated as before. Even when Sooyoung was being extra annoying by popping her gum loudly and rolling her eyes at everything Jinsoul did. Maybe it was because Jinsoul felt like she was finally in Sooyoung’s orbit. Because she was finally getting the attention that she's secretly been craving from the woman who acted like she didn’t even exist sometimes. 

That she wasn’t irrelevant anymore, and Sooyoung did have some sort of interest in her, at least enough to stay in the crowded arcade and go along with her stupid bet she came up with on a whim. 

Starting the game up by smacking a button Jinsoul let’s something honest slip out of her mouth, “you don’t how long I’ve waited to do this.” Slightly blushing she doesn’t dare to look at Sooyoung and only glances at her friends who are eating popcorn smiling cheesily. They give her some thumbs up and she gulps before turning back to the screen.

“Awe, that’s sweet.”

Jinsoul’s eye twitches, “I didn’t mean it like that weirdo. I meant beating you, so I can see your stupid face when you lose.”

Sooyoung softly laughs and Jinsoul distracts herself by popping her knuckles, “still that’s sweet. Nobody has ever wanted to play this bad with me.” Jinsoul ignores the girl that’s now leaning against the hunk of metal with her hands stuffed into her pockets.

Jinsoul forgets about the whole audience they have surrounding them. Her vision had tunneled and her sole focus was Sooyoung...and beating her of course. She doesn’t realize that Sooyoung’s vision has also clouded. All she can look at is Jinsoul and the only person who doesn't know that is the blonde herself. 

Yoojung turns to Xiaojun and leans over to whisper out loudly, “it’s like they’re in their own little world.” The boy agrees with a nod and shoves more popcorn into his mouth. For the two still bickering at Q*bert, it wouldn’t make a difference if the arcade was empty or not.

Jinsoul is smashing away at the buttons, groaning when she slips up, “god can you shut up so I can focus?” 

“But it’s so easy to piss you off.” Jinsoul rolls her eyes and keeps squirming around as she plays. The blonde is only slightly embarrassed at her gaming habits. She tries to tone down her movements and noises but Sooyoung pays her close attention, memorizing each little thing Jinsoul does. 

The blonde screams when she almost dies and Sooyoung giggles, not risking to look over Jinsoul only mumbles out, “Because you’re very good at being annoying.” The girl beside her scoffs and twists her foot languidly into the abstract carpet that hasn’t been cleaned in months. 

“Are you always this mean?”

“Do you always talk this much?”

“Hmmm you’re the one, you never shut the hell up, I wonder if my head will explode if I’m around you any longer.” Jinsoul slams her fist into the button and clenches her jaw. But this is what Sooyoung wanted, for her to lose control of her temper so she’d lose. Jinsoul needed to have the same energy as the girl beside her. Then she’d win this bet.

And never have to see her face again.

Jinsoul is building up her points rapidly, when she’s in a comfortable spot she pushes a bit, “like you don’t ignore me anyways.” 

The silence proves that Jinsoul is right, until Sooyoung tells her something that makes her fingers slip by the buttons again. “Actually I remember everything you've ever said to me.” 

Chewing on her lip, Jinsoul shakes her head in disbelief. Nobody ever cared enough to actually listen to her, especially Sooyoung, the girl who most definitely didn’t like her just how Jinsoul felt the same. Except, some of the things Sooyoung has said to her have stuck to her, playing in her mind like a broken record player. Unlike Sooyoung she didn’t know how to block it out, nor how to press on the right buttons.

“Yeah right.”

Sooyoung doesn’t say anything at first. Letting the blonde rack up points peacefully.

But then she says everything.

Jinsoul’s eyebrows slowly knot over when Sooyoung starts to repeat everything she’s said to her. Things she barely can remember from a week ago. Things she didn’t even want to say but apparently did. Sooyoung repeats the words with accuracy and Jinsoul realizes that she was listening the whole time. Carefully and close enough that Sooyoung even got her tone of voice right. 

That smooth voice gets to Jinsoul, just like before. She has to go back to her case file. Flipping through the evidence trying to find more proof. But it’s like every moment spent with Sooyoung there’s less and less pieces to the puzzle. Maybe she’s not the asshole Jinsoul thinks she is.

It’s over...cold case. Jinsoul doesn’t know what to think anymore. She’ll have to restart. Right now, Sooyoung was looking way too clean.Too good and way too dangerous for Jinsoul’s health.

Slowly looking over at Sooyoung she forgets the game, the girl smiles and it’s not the same one from before. It’s different and entirely new. 

Jinsoul loses the game.

Because Sooyoung’s smile feels like winning.

Blinking out of her daze she starts to chant, “no no no fuck!” Looking at the score she whines and goes to grip her hair. It wasn’t good enough and Sooyoung was gonna beat her in the first round because of a stupid mistake, “this isn’t fair!” 

Sooyoung laughs and gently moves her out of the way. “That’s too bad. Maybe if you weren't staring so hard.” The blonde feels her world crashing down on her as Sooyoung puts in her name for her high score. “Let’s see…” Jinsoul’s blood starts to boil as she watches Sooyoung press the letters out. 

_ U suk. _

The girl smiles at her evilly and leans over to whisper into her ear. “It’s okay, I know I’m really pretty, not your fault you couldn’t take your eyes off me.” Jinsoul clenches her fist together, hating how cocky Sooyoung is. Jinsoul felt like the biggest loser right now for falling into this jerk’s trap. 

Getting into her head was just another checkpoint for Sooyoung, every little word that she says are like the points. It isn’t fair, how Sooyoung does see her as an equal. Only something to toy with. Jinsoul’s emotions are the challenge, a win for Sooyoung is when Jinsoul loses control of them. 

Jinsoul wishes Sooyoung would see her more than just a game. 

“I wasn’t staring because you’re pretty, it's because you’re a freakazoid and totally admitted that you’re obsessed with me...like who remembers that stuff!” Jinsoul nervously rambles out while Sooyoung stretches her neck lazily. There’s a faint smirk on the girl’s lips and Jinsoul wouldn’t dare to say that it was the most attractive thing she’s ever seen...at least out loud.

Sooyoung side glances at her with dark hooded eyes, like the first night they met. It feels like sweet poison and Jinsoul swallows it down bitterly, not knowing this feeling isn’t good for her. “And you didn’t deny that I’m pretty.” Her blood runs cold at being beat in the world play once again.

Raising her head up to the ceiling she stomps her foot down, “I didn’t say that!”

The girl laughs beside her and starts to play, Jinsoul is stuck there with her fist clenched to her sides and her shoulders hunched. She can feel the heat racing to her face. Jinsoul can only sit there and watch as Sooyoung plays the game flawlessly. She doesn’t miss a step or jump. It’s jaw dropping and Jinsoul knew she was silly to think she was going to win from the start.

“Uh hey blondie could you get a chair I might be here for a while.” Jinsoul huffs out her mouth and rolls her eyes. Stomping over she grabs a chair and hauls it over to Sooyoung who hasn’t taken her eyes off the screen.

Jinsoul wishes she could look that good while playing. Sooyoung was like a model, everything she did was so smooth but robotic at the same time. Jinsoul sometimes acted like an idiot while playing. 

She’s never been so jealous.

That’s what she blames it on, jealously, the reason why her heart is beating so fast and her tummy is feeling like WW3. About to sit the chair down Jinsoul smirks when an idea pops into her head.

They never agreed to any rules.

“Hey weirdo?”

“Hmm?”

“Let’s say we can only play once. No redo’s.”

Sooyoung thinks for a moment, “sure whatever.” She’s too focused on the game to notice Jinsoul’s sinister glare,“hey you got my chair?” Sooyoung doesn’t think anything is wrong when Jinsoul evilly laughs behind her.

“Yes of course.” Jinsoul says slowly and deeply. Her eyes twitch. Sitting the chair down for Sooyoung she sweetly addresses the woman, “here you go.” Sooyoung mutters out a thanks before going to sit down.

Jinsoul pulls the chair out from under her and Sooyoung’s life flashes before her eyes. 

Sooyoung flops down dramatically, her legs flying up and everything. Jinsoul bursts out laughing at the scream Sooyoung lets out and has to hold her tummy from how funny it is. 

Xiaojun and Yoojung are laughing too, hiding behind the counter as they hold their mouths. Jinsoul wipes the tears from her eyes and stumbles over to where Sooyoung is laying still, flat on the ground.

Lending out a hand, Sooyoung goes to grab it but Jinsoul jerks it out of her grasp, “SIKE TEEHEE.” Jinsoul starts to scream again at the look on Sooyoung’s face. The girl was not amused at all. 

Slapping her knee Jinsoul continues to make fun of the girl refusing to get up. After what seems like hours of laughing Jinsoul finally stops, her stomach hurting from all the clenching. Turning around she sees Sooyoung lying still, the blonde feels slightly bad. She’s never been the one to bully before, but how could she not when Sooyoung was this much of a dork. 

Walking over she stares down at Sooyoung who has her eyes closed behind her glasses. “Hey, jokes over, you can get up now.” Sooyoung leaned up on her elbows, rocking her feet back and forth. Sooyoung finally opens her eyes and glances up at Jinsoul through her eyelashes. The blonde breathes a little harder when Sooyoung rakes her eyes up and down her body. Like she was calculating something. 

Sooyoung raises a lone hand up, “that was a good one.” Jinsoul smirks and takes her hand, helping Sooyoung to her feet. When Sooyoung is facing her again she brings her face close enough for Jinsoul to jolt back, “lemme show you something cool.” Sooyoung smiles sweetly but it doesn’t reach her cold eyes. 

Contrasting the screams of joy earlier. Jinsoul curses out in pain, “AHHH FUCK!” Xiaojun and Yoojung who are still hiding behind the counter glance at each other before raising up.

Seeing Jinsoul pinned to the game with her elbow behind her back they start to jog over frantically.

Sooyoung leans forward a bit, “are we gonna play nice now?” Jinsoul winces more when Sooyoung pushes into her further. “Say yes.” Jinsoul shakes her head no, so Sooyoung twists her arm tighter, “wanna try again?” Whining out Jinsoul gives in. She couldn’t stand Sooyoung being this close to her, almost leaning against her. The girl’s lips are near her face so Jinsoul turns her head and groans out. 

“Yes I will play nice now let me the fuck go!”

Sooyoung releases her and back ups with her hands to her side. Jinsoul shakes her arms out before lunging at the girl, unfortunately. Her two best friends were there to stop her.

Jinsoul acts like a rabid dog while Sooyoung wipes her clothes down. She watches on as Xiaojun tries to calm his friend down, “Soul baby remember when you got charged with assault! That was only a warning!” 

Yoojung nervously laughs and looks at Sooyoung, “sorry she’s usually not like this!”

Sooyoung quirks an eyebrow, “it’s cool...guess I’m just special.” Jinsoul seethes out as Sooyoung coldly glances at her before rolling her eyes, the playful demeanor the girl had earlier vanished. The blonde frowns, realizing that she probably went too far with her games. 

Yoojung turns to her, “Soul what do we say when-“

“Fuck you.”

“Noooo we say we’re sorry. She’s sorry.” Yoojung tells Sooyoung and the girl shrugs.

“Me too I guess.”

Jinsoul sighs a little bit and Sooyoung’s gaze travels down. Sooyoung’s face relaxes a bit and Jinsoul narrows her eyes at the blush on the girl’s face. The two holding Jinsoul back notice how Sooyoung's entire expression changed from the previous tense one. Her eyes widen and she looks away shyly. Xiaojun glances down and squeals, “EWW BITCH!” 

The blonde is let go finally but she’s stopped for another reason when she goes for Sooyoung. The girl clears her throat loudly and refuses to open her eyes, it reminds Jinsoul of the subway, when Sooyoung had gotten too close for comfort. Her cheeks are puffed up with frustration and she shifts her leather coat off fluidly before handing it out to Jinsoul.

Blinking Jinsoul glances back and forth from Sooyoung and the stretched out jacket before backing away slightly. Xiaojun is still saying ew behind them and Yoojung quietly mumbles out, “you should take the coat Jinsoul.”

Turning to her friend she questions her, “huh? Why?”

Yoojung raises her brows and points her gaze down below. Jinsoul checks herself.

“Oh.”

Covering up her nip nops that we’re making a very strong protest against her white tank Jinsoul turns back to Sooyoung who shakes the coat in front of her, “it’s distracting...and you look cold.”

Xiaojun covers his laugh up with his hand before joking, “she’s not cold she’s-.” 

“Shut the fuck up!” Jinsoul groans at the boy and raises a hand to scare her two friends who were trying not to die by laughter. Turning to Sooyoung she blushes deeply, “and you?! You’re a pervert too!” 

Sooyoung shakes her head, still the way her fingers twist around on her white shirt tells Jinsoul the girl may feel a bit guilty from looking down, “no they’re just very um ya know.” Jinsoul grabs the coat and tugs it on before zipping it up. Sooyoung stands awkwardly and starts to whistle out a song, rocking back and forth on her heels. 

Jinsoul huffs and checks the coat out, trying to find some sort of distraction from the strange situation that just happened. Why did Sooyoung make such a big deal about it? It wasn’t like they were both girls. Jinsoul can’t wrap her head around it...even Doyeon who was the weirdest girl ever wasn’t this awkward when she saw her ass that one time. 

“Yoojung what brand is this?” The girl from behind shuffles up and pulls the collar back. Jinsoul glances towards Sooyoung who was finally paying her attention again but as soon as they lock eyes the girl pulls away shyly. 

Jinsoul can’t help to think her expression is a  _ bit  _ adorable.

“It’s Valentino.” 

The blonde gasps before smiling brightly, “no way.”

“Yes way.” 

Stepping towards Sooyoung she crosses her arms, the smile still playing on her lips. Sooyoung was looking down at her shoes, still rocking on the heels of them while keeping her hands behind her back.

“If I win I want the coat too.”

Sooyoung slowly flickers her eyes up and into Jinsoul’s. The taller girl licks her lips first and then nods obediently. Xiaojun and Yoojung both show the shock on their faces and Jinsoul only smirks.

Jinsoul likes how easy that was.

But this shyer version of Sooyoung doesn’t last forever for Jinsouls pleasure, “it’s not like you’re actually gonna win.”

Yoojung grabs onto Jinsoul’s waist when she lunges again as Xiaojun steps in between them. “OKAYYYY so.” He jerks his head at the two of them, “I would really like it if the cops weren’t called...I hate dealing with them assholes. So I will set some ground rules.”

Jinsoul blows hot air out as Sooyoung plays with the loops of her jeans, both of them don’t like the idea of any more rules. “Absolutely no fighting but arguing is allowed.” Xiaojun tells them, especially Jinsoul. “You two have to be a little civil. The only physical contact allowed is hugs and kisses.”

The blonde gags, “as if I’d ever…”

No one notices the pain that graces across Sooyoung’s face for a split second. Nor the way Jinsoul swallows tightly with her lie, Xiaojun is still smiling as if he wasn’t dealing with two children. “Oh but you have to...right now.” Jinsoul starts to whine in protest while Sooyoung rubs the back of her head uneasily. 

The taller girl argues a bit, “don’t you think that’s a little overboard?”

“No.” Xiaojun answers seriously before Yoojung cuts in.

“Think of it as a truce.” Jinsoul rolls her eyes as she’s set free once again and pushed towards Sooyoung. Jinsoul avoids bumping into the girl by stumbling to the side. “Come on, don't be shy, hug it out and you can go back to whatever the hell y’all was doing.” Jinsoul hides her face away and scoots further back from Sooyoung. The whole arcade was watching them now. 

All the arcade goers were hidden behind games and counters, peeking over to watch the two who we’re starting to gain attention. It was a lot quieter now too and it made Jinsoul uncomfortable. The arcade was always jumping with loud cheers and disappointed curses. The sound of games being played had ceased to exist and the only consistent noise was the streets from outside. 

It pulls Jinsoul into reality, how trivial all this is.

If those doors were closed, then even footsteps could be heard. Maybe Jinsoul was being a bit dramatic about this whole thing. She was showing her feelings a lot more than she intended to. The blonde couldn’t let anyone know that she had more than just a rivalry with this girl, but a true hostility. She couldn’t let anyone know that it was more than just Sooyoung being better than her. 

But because…Jinsoul closes her eyes.  _ You’ve got to be kidding me Jung Jinsoul. _

“That’s embarrassing, I’m not hugging that thing.”

Xiaojun, who is the most dramatic of all of them even starts to get tired of Jinsoul. “It’s a girl that you’re perfectly capable of hugging. Stop being odd Jinsoul.” Yoojung gives her a sad look, like she understood the confusing storm crashing about in Jinsoul’s head.

Jinsoul wishes she understood.

Sooyoung then lets out her voice that’s mildly irritated, “just do it so we can get this over with.”

The blonde doesn’t know why that hurts. But she has a hunch of an idea. Maybe it’s because she doesn’t think Sooyoung wants to be here at all. And the only reason Jinsoul is being this much of a bitch is to hurt Sooyoung’s pride. So she’ll have to stay to protect it. 

“Jesus freaking Christ ”

Jinsoul flips over and pulls Sooyoung in by the waist. The height difference makes Jinsoul’s cheek go against Sooyoung’s sharp jaw, so she lowers her head until it’s resting on the girl’s shoulder. 

“How long?” She mumbles out to the boy.

“Ten seconds.”

Jinsoul starts counting in her head as she closes her eyes. Her arms are fully wrapped around the girl’s tiny frame and it just gives Jinsoul another reason to be jealous. She even gets a little comfortable and leans into her. Jinsoul would be lying if she said it wasn’t a nice hug.

Sooyoung awkwardly waves her hands around, not sure where to put them. Yoojung snorts at the girl’s panicked face that’s blood red from embarrassment. 

_ Gay as fuck. _

Jinsoul hits ten and pushes the girl off, thankful Sooyoung didn’t return the hug or it might be harder to hate her. Xiaojun isn’t satisfied, “nope do it again.”

Sooyoung is the one to protest this time, “what why?” Xiaojun evilly giggles as he points his finger between them. 

“Because Jinsoul did all the hugging.”

The blonde doesn’t say anything surprisingly and goes back in for the hug. Most of the crowd had dissipated now, bored that there wasn’t any fighting, only some weird hugging. This time Jinsoul makes sure her arms squeeze around Sooyoung’s waist. It was crazy how thin this girl was, since her clothes were a bit baggy Jinsoul couldn’t tell so she was a bit happy with this moment of discovery. 

Sooyoung pats her hands on Jinsoul’s shoulder shyly, not fully committing to the hug like the blonde was. “So your name is Jinsoul.”

Having her chin resting back on Sooyoung’s shoulder she barely mumbles out, “yeah.”

The taller girl swallows the lump in her throat before whispering, “that’s a pretty name.”

“Thank you.” Jinsoul hums. Forgetting about the start of this evening. Her friends were onto something. Hugging it out really worked.

“My name is-”

“Sooyoung, trust me I know.” Sooyoung blinks at being cut off and blushes that Jinsoul already knows her name. It’s been ten seconds so Jinsoul pulls away gently without pushing Sooyoung off of her. “You’re still an asshole.” 

Sooyoung doesn’t dare to say anything so she only nods. 

Xiaojun beside them claps, “YASSSS LET THE GAMES BEGIN.” 

Jinsoul slightly smirks and she notices how Sooyoung tenses up, so she sticks out her hand. No funny business this time and allows the girl to shake it. Now was where the real competition began. 

Yoojung and Xiaojun kept a close eye on them the whole time. Thankfully neither of them got out of hand...most of the time. There were a few instances that Jinsoul had to be dragged back once again. Then Xiaojun would make them hug, soon enough they became short, pat on the backs since the two were so frustrated with each other.

Sooyoung is currently playing Mario Bros. and Jinsoul can’t help to be impressed. She was losing terribly, every game since Q*bert she has been and she only won then because of a childish prank. “Ugh why are you so good.” Jinsoul itches to mess Sooyoung up and her hand starts to creep towards the buttons, never has Jinsoul been a sore loser. But she thinks this is an exception. 

The girl glances at her hand and Jinsoul pretends she wasn’t just trying to sabotage Sooyoung by tapping her fingers against the metal. “Practice makes perfect.” Jinsoul tries her hardest not to gag when Sooyoung winks at her. This whole time Sooyoung has been teasing her, always having a response to any of her pissy remarks. There’s nothing that gets on Jinsoul’s nerves more than a cocky player, and Sooyoung was the cockiest.

She could look away from the game and continue to play it flawlessly, her form was amazing and certain times Jinsoul couldn’t take her eyes off her. Sooyoung just loved to say things that would throw her off but nothing Jinsoul would say back would pierce through. 

Jinsoul couldn’t handle this attitude, she misses when Sooyoung was just a straight up asshole who ignored her. At least then she was in control.

Sooyoung finally loses and turns to Jinsoul with a playful smirk, “close your mouth or you might start drooling.” The girl’s score was thousands above hers. Sooyoung leans over to her, “I’m pretty amazing ain’t I.”

Jinsoul rolls her eyes, “the worst actually.”

A sweet laugh rolls into her ears as Sooyoung walks away, now her insults were amusing to Sooyoung. Jinsoul couldn’t win at all with this girl. They stroll up to the next game and Sooyoung leans onto it smoothly, “you ready to lose again.” 

Jinsoul seethes, “are you ready to stop being the lamest person ever.” The blonde shakes her head and starts to smash down on the buttons. She’s so pissed she can’t even see straight or play right.

Sooyoung giggles a bit, “has anyone ever told you how cute you are when you’re mad?”

Blushing furiously she groans out in a shaky voice, “shut up Sooyoung…”

“Well have they?”

A faint replay of memories invades her mind and her character takes a few bad hits, “no, they usually call me a bitch and never talk to me again.” Jinsoul’s too focused on the game and not letting her eyes water up to notice the smile on Sooyoung’s face turning into a frown. If Jinsoul saw it she would get even more angry, she hated when people pitied her. Especially if it was Sooyoung. 

Sooyoung swallows before telling the blonde sincerely, “that’s too bad, they’re really missing out on someone like you huh.” Jinsoul freezes, unable to make her hands move to the buttons. Instead she lets herself tear her gaze off of the screen and onto Sooyoung who’s smiling at her sweetly. 

Jinsoul loses with a measly score and Sooyoung let’s half her face scrunch up while mocking her, “oof not again Jinsoul, you’re gonna have to work on that staring problem.” Jinsoul wordlessly steps out of the way with her fists clenched. She officially hated Sooyoung. Now 100% convinced now that her smooth words that sounded so  _ so _ genuine were only a trick to get Jinsoul to lose. 

The blonde wishes Sooyoung actually meant it, because those words meant everything to Jinsoul. It only hurt more knowing that it was probably fake. She wishes Sooyoung actually liked her. 

“Bet you wish you didn’t pull that one game only shit.”

Jinsoul sighs pitfully, “yeah…”

Sooyoung turns back to her with confusion etched in her features, Jinsoul didn’t have an ounce of bitterness in her voice. Sooyoung’s tummy didn’t sit well with that, Jinsoul always had something to bite back with. Looking around on the screen Sooyoung starts to press the buttons, but thankfully Jinsoul isn’t paying attention. Already knowing her impending doom. Sooyoung is actually sucking it up.

But the girl wouldn’t tell anyone that it was on purpose.

Losing the game as quickly as Jinsoul does, Sooyoung curses, “damn!”

Jinsoul lightens up a bit behind her and stumbles to the screen, “no way! I beat you!” Sooyoung bites back her own smile when the prettiest one stretches across Jinsoul’s lips. Losing was worth it every once in a while.

“Yeah um I kinda suck at this one.” The blonde claps and hops around like a kid, her bad mood disappearing as fast as it manifested. She screams and spins around, suddenly Sooyoung finds herself being dragged to the next game by the curve of her elbow.

Yoojung smirks, hiding being one of the arcade games. She doesn’t think she’ll need to watch the two any longer. 

Game after game it starts to become a tie, Sooyoung ‘ _ loses _ ’ while Jinsoul barely puts herself above the girl in points. There’s only light playful fighting now since Jinsoul is having so much fun since she doesn't suck that bad. Everytime she wins, Jinsoul squeals and jumps as high as she can.

They start to gather a crowd for an entirely different reason. No one has ever seen Jung Jinsoul smile this much, and they’ve never seen the new girl play this sloppily. Sooyoung groans when she messes up the game once again, allowing Jinsoul the win.

Jinsoul still doesn’t win enough to catch up, Sooyoung had started to lose way too late. Strolling up to the last game. Street fighter where most of the dweebs play, Jinsoul bites her lip and glances near the doors. It’s already dark out, meaning hours have passed by since they first started. 

The blonde clings onto the leather coat, no matter if she won this round or not she’d have to kiss this baby goodbye. Jinsoul doesn’t think she wants to do that. And in a deep part of her she wants to lose. 

Because she also doesn’t want to see Sooyoung go.

Jinsoul will figure it out. 

“Winner takes all.”

Sooyoung is standing quietly behind her exhausted from the blonde’s energy, but delighted to see her true side. Jinsoul’s really fun to be around when she’s not putting on the fiery front that she normally does. “So all the games we’ve played before don’t matter?”

Jinsoul frowns, she knows Sooyoung probably won’t accept the challenge. But Jinsoul is exceptionally good at persuasion, “yes, but if you win. I’ll do anything you want me to.” Sooyoung raises one brow, the corner of her lips tug into a smirk.

“Anything?”

The blonde isn’t sure why Sooyoung’s voice had gotten considerably lower but she nods anyways. Sooyoung brings her fingers to her chin to rub it as if she didn’t already know the answer.

“You're on.”

Jinsoul tries to not show her excitement and only pushes away the nerds still surrounding the game. The blonde winces at the icky buttons but presses on them anyways. Sooyoung scoots beside her and leans her hand on the second set of controls. The crowd circles around them and the speaker blasts out cheesy pop music. Jinsoul smiles at her reflection in the black screen and ignores how Sooyoung is staring at her from the side.

While she’s hunched over, Sooyoung stands perfectly straight as they pick their characters. Jinsoul of course picks Ryu and Sooyoung picks Chun Li. The both of them start to pop their knuckles and Sooyoung even untucks her shirt from her jeans. Jinsoul unzips the jacket Sooyoung to give her more room to move around.

If it weren’t for the pop music, it would be so quiet if a pen dropped it could be heard. Jinsoul and Sooyoung stare at the screen fiercely until the countdown ends and the first round starts. The frantic smash of buttons could be heard all the way back into the kitchen and Ravi paused his knife sharpening to listen for a small second.

Little does he know about the frantic beating hearts in the next room over. The ones in sync. 

The boys around them hone in, cheering whenever there’s a long combo or powerful hit. Jinsoul can’t even trash talk Sooyoung since she’s so focused on winning. Her back hunches all the way over and her eyebrows scrunch everytime she misses a kick. Sooyoung starts out playing as she normally does, emotionless like a robot, effortless with every movement. 

But every prolonged second she gets more and more into the game until she’s hunched over the buttons just like Jinsoul is, groaning when she takes a bad hit. Jinsoul gets an outstanding combo and gets really close to knocking Sooyoung out. “Oh fuck off!” Sooyoung mumbles out blocking Jinsoul when she gets her in the corner. 

Sooyoung smiles at herself, she hasn’t had this much fun playing with someone since...well forever. She takes the risks and lifts on her hands to push Jinsoul off balance. The blonde screams out a string of curses before knocking her hip into Sooyoung’s, but it’s not maliciously like she’s done things before.

She does it laughing along with Sooyoung.

And for the moments they play the game, they forget they’re supposed to hate each other. Sooyoung is allowed to let loose and Jinsoul finally sees her fantasy come to life.

Sooyoung plays along with her just like she dreamed about. It’s fun, and Jinsoul can feel the energy between them. This is all that she wanted, someone who wanted to play by her side. A friend that shared the same love for the game as her. 

But both of them are too engrossed with the characters on screen to grasp onto their own persona’s. The realizations disappear in thin air, forgotten in the 8bit beats and voice of George Michael. 

The first round goes to Jinsoul.

The second goes to Sooyoung.

Everyone is chanting a slur of their names since this was the most entertainment they’ve had in months. Two of the best arcade players head to head. The third round is just as intense. Sooyoung continues to play dirty but Jinsoul isn’t skilled enough to multitask, but she is good enough to keep up with Sooyoung.

When both their health bars are low Jinsoul starts to bounce on her feet, “god Sooyoung this is all what I’ve wanted!” Jinsoul doesn’t know why it comes out of her mouth and she doesn’t dwell on it. 

But Sooyoung does. Her hands freeze and Jinsoul lands an ultra combo. Killing her and winning the game. Sooyoung raises up lazily as her hearing goes static. Jinsoul is screaming and jumping into the arms of smelly boys. Sooyoung blinks and she notices how fast her heart is beating and how sweaty her palms are. 

While the blonde celebrates with the entire arcade Sooyoung quietly slips away, grabbing her bag and heading out of the arcade without a goodbye.

Jinsoul doesn’t notice the girl silently sneaking out until it’s too late. Or almost too late. Pushing off the stranger she was squeezing to death because of her victory she spins around looking for a familiar slim body. But she’s disappeared and Jinsoul starts to panic.

No way would she let this be the last time she ever saw Sooyoung.

Her expectations were finally being met. How could this be the end to something that could be…

“Did you all see where she went?” The boys all shake their heads glancing at each other and back at Jinsoul.

Xiaojun comes up behind her clapping, “congrats bitch! You- AHH!” Jinsoul pushes him out the way with a brute force and searches the arcade frantically noticing that Sooyoung’s bag is gone. The blonde tries her best to run in heels but it’s a pitiful sight. 

Running outside she checks both ways, closing her eyes, she can remember which way Sooyoung went last time and goes left.

Jogging down the street she looks for short silky hair, the kind that flows in the air prettily. When she spots a white shirt she picks up her pace. 

It’s totally Sooyoung, she can tell by the way she walks. Like a model, chic and confident. Jinsoul starts to scream, “HEYYY YOU WAIT!!!!” Jinsoul waves her arms around like a mad woman too, she didn’t want a repeat of last time. 

Sooyoung keeps walking with a strict pace until Jinsoul chants her name, “YO SOOYOUNG! BOBBLE HEAD!!”

The girl slows down her tracks until she finally stops, Jinsoul can’t help but smile. Sooyoung was listening to her. Jinsoul catches up but freezes when Sooyoung turns. 

Time stops for the blonde again, she’s never seen anything so elegant or flawless. The way Sooyoung flips her hair around is like in the movies, her hand stuck in her pocket in a perfect pose like the girls in vogue. Jinsoul starts to understand why she’s so obsessed despite their differences.

This girl was gorgeous.

Sooyoung cooly stares at her without an expression. Anyone else would be afraid to approach a glare like that and for a second Jinsoul thinks Sooyoung may be mad at her again. But as she stumbles towards her in a daze while Sooyoung stands perfectly still she understands that Sooyoung probably wasn’t thinking of anything in particular right now.

People continue to pass by but Jinsoul can only see Sooyoung.

Jinsoul was a brave person, so she strolls right up to Sooyoung. Not fazed by the tight set lips or clenched jaw. Jinsoul let her fingers shape into an L and she places it on her forehead.

“Loser.”

Sooyoung blinks at her before turning around and Jinsoul quickly wipes the smirk that had grown right off, “wait hold on where are you going?”

“Home.”

Jinsoul follows after her trying to stop her by cutting in front of her, but Sooyoung is swift. So Jinsoul pulls out her joker card, “if you don’t stop and talk to me I’ll follow you again.” Sooyoung scoffs a bit continuing to walk. “Will you hold on!” The girl shakes her head and dodges the hand that reaches out to her. Sooyoung was a bit tired that was all...at least that’s what she tells herself. “I will break into your place too and steal all your things.”

The taller girl freezes finally and Jinsoul celebrates. “Are you crazy?”

Jinsoul shuffles in front of Sooyoung and smiles, “yes, so you need to stand there and let me talk.”

Sooyoung huffs and tilts her head before pushing her glasses up on her nose. Jinsoul wishes she could do it for Sooyoung, just so she could see how soft her face is.

The blonde goes silent, realizing she didn’t imagine their conversation this far ahead.

“Listen you won, now I’m leaving.” Sooyoung uneasily sighs out while glancing at the people walking by.

Sooyoung turns to leave and Jinsoul whines, “please just listen to me!” The girl freezes her step and stays even though it takes Jinsoul forever to say something else.

Above them a neon sign buzzed but it helps Jinsoul gather her thoughts, “Um you kinda proved me wrong back there.” Sooyoung narrows her eyes but allows Jinsoul to continue with a short nod, “you really like playing don’t you? It’s not because of the scores or whatever right.”

“Yes Jinsoul. I play because it relaxes me after all the bullshit I go through everyday.” Jinsoul flinches at Sooyoung’s cold tone. 

Scratching the back of her head she apologizes, “sorry, it probably doesn’t help with me being there.” Jinsoul admits that she’s a nuisance after learning a bit about Sooyoung. This girl wasn’t so bad after all, just extremely annoying with her way with words and confidence.

Sooyoung lets her shoulder relax after seeing the sincerity in Jinsoul’s expression, “actually you’re really fun to play with once you’re not trying to pretend that you hate me.” Sooyoung breaks through her mask and Jinsoul stumbles to protect herself. 

“I still hate you, just for different reasons.” 

The girl starts to smile and Jinsoul’s relieved that she managed to melt the icy exterior from Sooyoung again, “and I still kinda like you, for the same reasons.” Jinsoul pinches herself since she thinks she may be dreaming, she knows she can’t hide it when her breath shortens and the blush overtakes her features.

Distracting herself with the flow of people on the sidewalk she mumbles out, “you know you don’t have to keep saying that kinda stuff to throw me off. We’re not playing a game anymore.” Little does Jinsoul know that they are. It’s the same game Jiwoo warned her about. The one that Sooyoung always wins at, dangerous but so easy to get trapped in. The game Jinsoul doesn’t know what she’s getting into...or already playing. 

“You really think I was saying those things to trip you up?” Sooyoung asks softly and Jinsoul nods shyly, still refusing to look at the girl getting closer to her every second they’re standing on the quiet streets, “well maybe I was trying to do that, but not for the reasons why you think I did.”

Jinsoul huffs hating how everything Sooyoung says makes it harder to hate her, “I meant everything I said, I wasn’t trying to make you lose.”

The girl takes Jinsoul’s silence as an invitation to leave but as she brushes past the blonde she’s stopped, “hey wait you’re forgetting something.”

Sooyoung turns to face Jinsoul again and they’re a lot closer than before. The blonde takes off the jacket and hands it to her, “if you even dare to look down again I’ll toss you in front of a car.” Jinsoul groans out with a bit of embarrassment.

The girl takes her jacket and mumbles, “but you won.”

“Please, I know you were losing on purpose. I’m not stupid even though you probably think I am and I’m also not a monster to take a coat like that.” Sooyoung allows herself to be in shock, letting her mouth hang low as Jinsoul starts to back away, not liking how warm it is when she’s that close to Sooyoung. “Best two out of three?”

Sooyoung smirks, disliking how cold it got when Jinsoul backed away. “You know, if you wanna play with me some more without the competition, all you gotta do is ask.” 

Jinsoul scoffs and rolls her eyes, “Oh shut up, I just want to see your stupid face when you actually lose…don’t be annoying like that.”

Sooyoung laughs a bit, “Right, is it okay to admit that I had a lot of fun?”

The blonde pretends to think about it, letting her eyes roam around the emptying streets as the hours get later. The buzzing from neon signs get louder, and people start to walk slower. “So you’ll come back?” 

“I’ll think about it.”

“Of course you will, it’s embarrassing to lose like that in front of everyone, especially when you didn’t, I know you’ll be back to stroke that wounded ego of yours.” Jinsoul mocks her and turns to leave but Sooyoung stops her, not wanting the conversation to end. Jinsoul was proving to be charming in a weird kinda way. 

Holding her jacket up she licks her lips, “I was thinking...this looked so good on you I almost forgot this was mine.”

Jinsoul rolls her eyes at Sooyoung’s smooth voice and coy smile, “go home freak, I’m getting sick of you.” Sooyoung smiles a bit wider than before making her glasses push up on her cheeks cutely. She was starting to understand Jinsoul piece by piece.

“It was really nice meeting you Jinsoul.”

The blonde crosses her arms at the longing tone in Sooyoung’s voice and she hates how it settles in her gut, “why do you say that like there won’t be a next time.”

Sooyoung tucks her coat under her arm and gives her a soft smile, her eyes sparkling under the dull light of the street lamp, “maybe they won’t be. You did say you never wanted to see me again.” Jinsoul is about to protest, so she can tell Sooyoung it was just in the heat of things. That she didn’t mean it. That she wanted to see this girl again and again and again. Because no one has ever quite fit with her like she has. No one has ever been able to keep up with her like Sooyoung has.

But Sooyoung cuts her off before she can even begin to show herself.

“If there is though. I’ll look forward to it.”

With that Sooyoung turns and disappears into the night just like before.

The last time Jinsoul saw this happen, she was left with dull chest aches and a turning stomach.

Instead, this time, she’s left with an ever growing warmth. 

~~~~

Hiii so we’re getting there I guess, I hope everyone is still enjoying this so far and looking forward to the next! Thank you guys for reading and leaving comments hehe they make my day

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	5. Taken Seriously

Retucking her sweater for the fifth time, Jinsoul starts to throw a tantrum when it doesn’t hang around her belt right. Xiaojun closes his magazine, “bitch will you shut up it looks fine.” Jinsoul stops hopping up and down on her tiptoes like a child and turns to the boy. He smiles with the corner of his mouth while turning the magazine where the page extends. 

Jinsoul huffs and pushes the boy’s feet off the counter where he had laid them. “You don’t understand, it has to be tucked just right so it doesn’t make me look fat or too tight and it has to be perfect, like I did it first try.” Xiaojun scrunches his nose up and Jinsoul takes it the entirely wrong way.

Yoojung finishes writing a sentence in her notebook before glancing at the two whining at each other. Jinsoul turns to her and holds her arms out with the most serious pout on her face, “What do you think babe?” Yoojung tilts her head while analyzing the sweater, it was sea green and purple in various shapes. There was even some blood orange, probably the worst colors all mixed in an itchy material. 

“It’s ugly Soul.”

The blonde deflates, “really?”

Yoojung and Xiaojun nod in unison, while Jinsoul pouts up even more. “But it’s cashmere.”

“What does that even mean?” Yoojung asks and Jinsoul looks down at her like she’s grown a third eye.

The blonde shakes her head while Xiaojun explains to the clueless girl, “only the most expensive material, jeez Yoojung gets with the program.” The younger girl glares at Xiaojun since he was clearly making fun of their friend who looked like a kicked puppy at the moment. “But you wouldn’t know since you’re always wearing Doyeon’s clothes and we know she likes to be humble.”

Yoojung blushes at Xiaojun’s remark and kicks him in the shin while Jinsoul covers her mouth while laughing. The boy cusses her while rubbing the wounded spot and Jinsoul steps closer to wrap her arms around the smaller girl’s shoulders, “its’ true, but it’s fine because you look so cute in her clothes, they swallow you whole.” Yoojung tries to glare at Jinsoul but fails when she meets the blonde’s eyes.

Nobody knew how overwhelmingly cute Jinsoul could be when she wasn’t putting up her front. That’s how Yoojung became friends with the blonde in the first place. She didn’t have the best first impression of Jinsoul. Yoojung thought the girl was shallow and obnoxiously rude. And Jinsoul was that on the outside. All she cared about was how she looked, and was a bitch to anyone who didn’t give her positive attention and even more of one when they gave her no attention at all. 

Jinsoul only liked materialistic things and dated any boy that said she was beautiful. But that was all before she really started to pay attention to the girl. Yoojung had noticed how much of a loner Jinsoul was, if she didn’t have some dumbass dude stuck on her heels the only other person Yoojung had seen Jinsoul with was an equally cunty boy. Later she had learned that his name was Xiaojun.

Nobody ever liked the pair, Yoojung still can’t stand Xiaojun sometimes...but she loved Jinsoul to death (Xiaojun too in some moments). Because no one really knew what was underneath all that sticky poison that she protected herself with. Yoojung smiles up at Jinsoul and the blonde’s eyes sparkle. “It may be an ugly sweater, but you’re the only one that can pull it off.” Jinsoul squeals and squishes Yoojung’s face against her chest. Even if it’s a bit itchy, Yoojung wastes no time hugging her best friend back.

Because she really was her best friend. Yoojung had met Jinsoul her first day of college and the girl was cussing out some poor guy who had spilled coffee all over her. From that day, Yoojung had casually kept up with the blonde, since her name seemed to slip into everyone’s mouth from time to time. She was popular on campus in the way everyone knew her, but not everyone liked her. 

Yoojung was the one in between. Because one day she had seen Jinsoul rubbing on a girl’s head while she was distressed. Yoojung never saw such an expression like the one on Jinsoul’s face. It didn’t make much sense.

Later Yoojung had talked to that same girl. Apparently Jinsoul wasn’t the devil everyone thought she was. 

That’s when Yoojung had noticed that Jinsoul never deliberately bullied nor judged anyone. Jinsoul would talk to almost anyone, complimenting their style to hanging out with them once or twice. The only group she saw Jinsoul with consistently was the group that played D&D in the library, Hyunmin, the dude with the hi-top fade, Haseul and Hyelin the girl’s with matching pixie cuts and Xiaojun who seemed to be good friends with all of them as well.

But she didn’t really meet Jinsoul until that day. When she and Doyeon had a terrible fight the morning before over something stupid. Yoojung found herself crying in the bathroom when Jinsoul had walked in.

The blonde had tilted her head, knocking on the stall door, “ _what’s wrong babe_?” Yoojung found it odd that a stranger had called her babe, even weirder when it was Jung Jinsoul. 

Jinsoul sat with her inside that stall and rubbed her head while she cried, mumbling out comforting words. Yoojung felt cared for...and that’s exactly what Jinsoul did. They skipped their classes and the blonde had taken her shopping. Spending some poor soul’s money that Jinsoul had gotten her hands on. Jinsoul had bought her an entire wardrobe and Yoojung didn’t like most of the clothes, but felt nice when Jinsoul said she was cute.

Later they had gone for lunch and karaoke, Yoojung had sung her heart out with the thought of Doyeon. That night Yoojung found herself in Jinsoul’s pajamas, getting her toes painted by the blonde on the floor beneath her. The girl had then peeked up and said something that’s stuck to her all their friendship.

_Girls shouldn’t cry alone._

Jinsoul never asked her why she was so upset that day. Only made sure the mood didn’t follow into the next day. It was the most thoughtful gesture and Yoojung had never been so thankful. 

She was sweet, and if you caught it, Jinsoul could be caring. Only to the people who she thought deserved it though.

Later, what Yoojung discovered about her new best friend had broken her heart. When Jinsoul was younger she wasn’t the most fortunate and was bullied for her looks and clothes. The blonde seemed to be over it. But Yoojung noticed the small flinches whenever someone would bite back where it hurt Jinsoul. The blonde still felt like she was an outcast sometimes. 

Yoojung didn’t know the extremity of it. But Jinsoul had old pictures of herself where she wore a black eye and a busted lip as an accessory. Apparently she never took anyone’s words lightly and the people who made fun of her usually didn’t get away with her.

She only had become what she fought all her life only without the rotten core. Jinsoul was beautiful, but insecure. That’s why Jinsoul religiously kept up with trends and always made sure her face didn’t have a flaw.

Yoojung was one of the few that knew that.

Jinsoul turns to Xiaojun, Yoojung’s face still buried in her chest. “See it’s not the clothes, it's the model.” Yoojung waves her hands around not being able to breathe with the blonde’s hands pressing on her like that.

“Um Soul, she’s dying.”

The blonde looks down at the girl and releases her, Yoojung takes a few seconds to start breathing properly again. Although Jinsoul was a really good friend, she was also very clingy...which could prove to be a problem sometimes.

Yooyoung glares at Xiaojun who thinks it’s the funniest thing in the world when Jinsoul starts to pet on her again like a baby. Something saves Yoojung however, because Jinsoul gasps and dips below the counter.

Both of them whip their gaze over near Q*bert. Sure enough it was Sooyoung. 

“Ugh Jinsoul you can’t keep avoiding her like this!” 

It’s been like this for a few weeks. Instead of bombarding the girl, Jinsoul hid from her. Yoojung nor Xiaojun knew why. The blonde would blush deeply and hide away and close her eyes until Sooyoung would leave. Twisting whatever fabric she wore that day between her knuckles, trying to calm the rapid beating of her heart.

Sooyoung’s name couldn’t be kept out of Jinsoul's mouth, but now the girl wouldn’t dare to say anything, only shaking her head shyly when she’s asked about Sooyoung. Yoojung would like to say Jinsoul regrets her actions from before and she knows she’s right. But it goes a lot deeper than that.

Jinsoul’s obsession started with wanting to be better than Sooyoung. Everyone of the blonde’s obsession starts that way, but they quickly dissipate when the person disappoints her in some way or form. Sooyoung was the opposite of disappointing, she was really nice and that tugged on the blonde’s heartstrings. How after showing her worst side, Sooyoung still managed to find the good in her. 

It started with Jinsoul wanting to be Sooyoung. She was pretty, laid back and had great style (Jinsoul wouldn’t admit she was funny too). But now Jinsoul _wanted_ Sooyoung...as a friend.

She doesn’t know what it is about Sooyoung, but it’s like getting halfway through the ice cream cone and then dropping it. Moments with the older girl are so satisfying for Jinsoul to where she wants more and more, but they’re fleeting and cut too short. Like having candy jerked from her hand. Jinsoul doesn’t want to mess it up even though she knows Sooyoung can handle her attitude, (that’s what makes her so attractive), Jinsoul’s afraid one day it’ll bear too much. 

And Sooyoung will leave her in the dust like she already has twice before.

The third time being the last. Like dropping the cone as soon as it’s handed to her.

“Why are you hiding again?” Xiaojun asks her.

The blonde twiddles her fingers together, it’s a side neither of them have seen from Jinsoul. “I don’t want to bother her.”

“Bother her? Soul you was trying to kill her weeks ago.”

Groaning, Jinsoul admits, “she makes me nervous okay!” Jinsoul looks up at the two that have shocked expressions, “she’s so...she makes me feel weird. No matter how much of a bitch I am she’s still nice to me and- UGH I DON’T KNOW!” Jinsoul doesn’t know how to explain it and buries her head in her hands. 

“But I thought you hated her.”

“I do! She’s super fucking annoying like have you looked at her.” The two glance at each other then back at Jinsoul. “I-I like playing with her though.” The blonde meekly admits. 

Yoojung blinks, Jinsoul has a crush on Sooyoung. That was the only possible explanation but she couldn’t exactly tell Jinsoul that. Yoojung used to feel the same way about Doyeon, but now she couldn’t stand sleeping separate from her. 

It was clear that something was there for Sooyoung as well. “Maybe...go play with her then.” Xiaojun says it like the most obvious thing in the world, but he doesn’t understand. 

Jinsoul raises up to peek over the counter. Her insides go all mushy when she glances at Sooyoung. Her blood starts to boil, even Sooyoung’s side profile pissed Jinsoul off. Why was everything so perfect about her? Even the way she chewed gum was flawless. Jinsoul’s nail chips into the counter, what was it about Ha Sooyoung that was so mesmerizing and infuriating at the same time?

“What if she doesn’t want to?”

Yoojung shrugs, any other time she’d tell Jinsoul that Sooyoung definitely wanted to play. The older girl would come in here looking everywhere for Jinsoul and pout up when she couldn’t be found, only for the girl to be hiding somewhere. It was almost pitiful watching Sooyoung being avoided by Jinsoul, you could see the disappointment wash over the girl’s features and how sadly she’d play the game knowing Jinsoul wasn’t around.

Then there was that time Jinsoul didn’t hide and Sooyoung did everything a bit extra...it was interesting to watch how hard the girl was trying to impress Jinsoul. 

Today was very different and Yoojung doesn’t know if it’s a good time to send Jinsoul out there. Sooyoung had her fist clenched smashing down on the buttons. Her jaw was clenched tightly and she had on some shriveled work clothes on. It looked like Sooyoung had been thrown in a tornado...and the girl wasn’t very happy about it.

“Why should you care? If she doesn’t want to play, make her. Fuck her opinion this is your arcade.” Xiaojun encourages her and Jinsoul nods.

“Yeah fuck it!” Jinsoul darts off and Yoojung couldn’t be more scared. Xiaojun couldn’t read a room for his life and Jinsoul doesn’t know when and when not to take advice. All she could do was drag her hands down her face.

Jinsoul’s heart beats rapidly as she makes her way up to Sooyoung, who was slamming her hand down on the buttons while loosening her tie. Jinsoul slows down a bit, suddenly bombarded by nerves. Something was off, Sooyoung wasn’t in her chair and her face was tense like she was angry.

“Hey-”

“Fuck off.”

The blonde is taken back by the cold glare she receives. All thoughts escape her mind as her heart freezes at those dark eyes boring holes into her. Sooyoung looked like she hated her. Jinsoul lets her eyes travel down since it made her sick keeping eye contact. The girl’s hands were shaking over the buttons and Jinsoul could hear the grind of teeth.

Swallowing her pride she quietly asks, “just wanted to see if you wanted to play.”

Sooyoung is quick to shoot her down, “and let you bitch at me for every little thing I do? No thanks.” Jinsoul lets her head drop, she deserved that one. “Listen, I’m not in the mood today. Just do yourself a favor and leave me the hell alone.”

The girl’s voice shakes and she turns her gaze back to the screen, Sooyoung didn’t like the way Jinsoul flinched at her words. 

“Um bad day?”

Sooyoung scoffs at the tiny but slow voice, “closer to a nightmare.” 

“I’m sor-”

“What part of leave me the fuck alone don’t you understand?” Sooyoung’s voice is straight laced without an inch of emotion in them. It scares Jinsoul, how much this was hurting her. “You seem smart Jinsoul, so don’t act dumb.” 

Jinsoul glances up at the girl who glances at her from the side. Those eyes are sharp by the way they’re narrowed and Jinsoul backs away slightly, feeling uneasy from being so close to Sooyoung. Jinsoul was used to being treated like this, like an annoying child. But she didn’t expect it from the person that’s been doing the opposite. Jinsoul can’t be disappointed though, she always prepares her for the expected. But damn, was she really hoping she wasn’t going to have to do this with Sooyoung.

The blonde leaves her behind. 

“What happened?” Yoojung asks her.

Jinsoul blinks, “she told me to fuck off.”

“Ooh ouch.” Xiaojun says and Yoojung elbows him in the stomach for being insensitive. Yoojung felt terrible. Jinsoul looked like she saw a ghost. No one has ever had an effect on Jinsoul like this. 

“Maybe get her something from Ravi. She seems to be in a bad mood, don’t take it personally Soul.” Yoojung reassures her and Jinsoul nods, feeling a bit better. Jinsoul walks off and chews on her lip, when she says Sooyoung makes her feel weird, what she meant to say is that the girl makes her feel good. It’s an unfamiliar sensation and Jinsoul’s not for sure what it is. But it was the total opposite of what she was feeling now, which was close to heartbreak.

She wants to do the same for Sooyoung. Jinsoul only hopes the girl enjoys her presence, but that doesn’t seem likely at the moment. 

Jinsoul stands in front of her enemy/infatuation once again, milkshake in hand. Sooyoung did say she had a bad day, so maybe Jinsoul had just walked into the fire. Maybe she was the outlet, still the thought didn’t help with the tightness in her chest. Jinsoul keeps telling herself...she has nothing to do with Sooyoung’s mood.

She’s not the problem is she?

The arcade is not crowded and it’s cloudy outside, causing a dull and depressing light to follow through like a trail into and between the rows of games. Most of the sound comes from the static speakers above, playing out the chords to Pat Benatar’s single _Heartbreaker_. The various clicks and noises of games ring annoyingly, and it starts to stick to Jinsoul’s anxiousness. 

Sooyoung groans when Jinsoul continues to stand awkwardly beside her, raising up to face her. “I thought I told you-”

Before she can say anything else however, a styrofoam cup is shoved into her hand. Relief flooded through Jinsoul’s body when she watches Sooyoung’s face soften in the slightest bit. “Oh thank you.” Sooyoung mumbles out and almost snaps out of the mood she was in. “What is it?”

“A milkshake.” Jinsoul tells her and Sooyoung glances at her. Sooyoung starts to squeeze the cup in her hand at Jinsoul’s expression, making the blonde take a step back, cowering under Sooyoung’s stare. Jinsoul’s eyes are all teary and she has a pout present on her lips. Sooyoung’s eye twitches when eyebrows upturn, turning the blonde into something pitiful.

Sooyoung fights the guilt starting to swirl in her tummy. She needed to start standing up to people and letting them walk all over her. Who would be better to start with other than the girl that she has a weakness to. If anyone else was a bitch to her like Jinsoul was, Sooyoung would never bother talking to them again. 

But something about Jinsoul’s eyes tells Sooyoung that she’s not really like that.

Just like she’s really not an asshole.

Glaring down at Jinsoul she calmly states, “I told you. I don’t want to talk to anyone right now.” Taking a deep breath Sooyoung makes her voice lower. “Especially not you.” 

Jinsoul doesn’t let herself waver, she doesn’t want to let Sooyoung know her words had a weight to them. Sooyoung’s eyes darken behind her glasses and Jinsoul stares into them. She hates when people treat her like an empty object. That she’s just a shell of a girl that can handle remarks like that. With one look from Sooyoung, it takes her back to who she used to be.

Weak.

Sooyoung glances at the cup, “I’m lactose intolerant.” 

Jinsoul doesn’t have it in her to throw back a remark. Any other person Jinsoul would be telling the she hopes they shit themselves to death. But, Jinsoul couldn’t, even though she hated Sooyoung’s guts at the moment.

So she lets Sooyoung walk out the entrance, slamming the cup Jinsoul paid more than a dollar into the trash. Jinsoul related to that cup at that moment. Disregarded and forgotten. 

Looking out the entrance Jinsoul hums before starting a game up on Q*bert.

~~~~

Later Jinsoul sniffles in her bed. The only light that enables her to stare at the crumbled yet trembling photo of Sooyoung in her hand is the dull lamp on her nightstand. It needs it’s lightbulb changed, just like Jinsoul needed her heart replaced. She can’t believe she let that asshole speak to her like that earlier and Jinsoul thought she was the problem.

So much for biting her tongue and trying to change for Sooyoung.

Sooyoung got under her skin even when Jinsoul promised she’d never let it happen. “Why are you so mean?” She asks photo Sooyoung, who is smiling at her. Jinsoul whines and crushes the paper in her hand and throws it across the room. Thrashing her limbs against the mattress she tries to get Sooyoung out of her head.

Jinsoul was back at square one. After the last time she saw Sooyoung, and after their exchange on the streets. Jinsoul had a change of heart. She was going to give Sooyoung a chance. She had thrown all her case files out the window, the verdict being that Sooyoung wasn’t guilty of being an asshole. Because how could someone that sweet be guilty. 

But now she was back, digging through the dirt trying to find them damn files. 

“Just simply forget about her.” The blonde says to herself.

Jinsoul closes her eyes and the first thing that pops in her mind is Sooyoung’s smile. Raising up she screams. What the hell was this? Possession? Was this another trick of Sooyoung’s? There was nothing obsession worthy about Sooyoung.

 _But Jinsoul she’s sooo cool._ The figurative devil on her left shoulder tells her. _It’s getting weird!_ The angel on her right shoulder argues. 

On the wall to the right, someone thumps their fist against it. “ _ZIP IT FISH LIPS!_ ” Jinsoul rolls her eyes at her sister’s voice and mocks her before flopping back down on her bed. Sooyoung wasn’t normal, at least not to Jinsoul. Usually she didn’t tolerate bullshit and Sooyoung was full of it.

But being around her was addicting. 

Having Sooyoung’s attention was like a drug and Jinsoul couldn’t get enough. It’s never been like this with anyone else. If someone didn’t give her what she wanted then Jinsoul moved on in a snap of a finger. But it was like Jinsoul was stuck in quicksand and the harder she tried to fight it the more she got sucked in.

The devil on her shoulders speaks again, _she’s super sweet in secret and you had fun with her...what could go wrong?_

But the angel rebuttals, _you mean two faced? Everything could go wrong!_

_You could seriously get hurt!_

Jinsoul grabs her head groaning, “shut the hell up you two!”

The two on her shoulder disappear and she looks up at her Janet Jackson poster on the ceiling. “Janet what should I do?” The poster smiles at her. So she turns to the one on her wall, placing her hand on it. “Whitney? What do you think?” Same answer...Jinsoul looks at her stuffed animals. They all give her silence. “What about you Joan?” Joan Jett glares at her so Jinsoul apologizes and turns into her pillows.

Miss angel was right...what could go wrong. Will go wrong. The last time Jinsoul was this obsessed, it didn’t end well.

Jinsoul zones out in the rhythm of her lava lamps. The small bubbles flowing up and down, illuminating the wall behind in various purples. Jinsoul shuffles off her pajama bottoms and crawls under her pink sheets. 

Sooyoung was like ice, and Jinsoul was fire. They were bad for each other. No matter how drawn Jinsoul was to her...and how sincere Sooyoung seemed. Jinsoul would end up melting Sooyoung and her flame would dull and wither out.

Jinsoul needed to get rid of her infatuation.

For the benefit for the both of them.

~~~~

After her fifth shot of the night, Doyeon craves a cigar. Heading outside she escapes the heated crowd inside and ignores the longing stares she receives. All she had done was sat at the bar for about an hour but her skin was coated in sweat. The small club had gotten hot from the constant grind of bodies. 

Outside, the cool air nips her skin that glows from the flickering sign above. Doyeon normally didn’t find herself at these clubs. Where some came to feel safe to be themselves or find someone that would spend the night with them. Doyeon didn’t come for no particular reason. She just needed to get out.

Yoojung didn’t come because she doesn’t like these places, no matter how many times Doyeon had begged her to come. But her girlfriend didn’t mind, because Doyeon always comes home early, still smelling like Yoojung’s perfume. Doyeon was trusted, because she’s never done anything to hurt Yoojung.

Stumbling to the alleyway, Doyeon guesses she should head back soon since she was tipsy. Leaning back onto the cool brick wall she ignores the two women kissing heavily beside her. If she gave into any of the longing glances inside, that could be her. But the only thing Doyeon could think of is the soft gaze Yoojung gives her in the morning.

She wouldn’t give that up for anything.

Doyeon smiles thinking of Yoojung and her cheesy jokes. She couldn’t wait to get home. Hearing a muffled moan beside her she can’t help but peak over. The girl against the wall is blonde (the wave of her hair reminds Doyeon of Jinsoul’s) and her leg is wrapped around the other girl’s hip that had her pinned to the wall. Non-blondie is getting funky with the other girl’s neck and Doyeon raises a brow at a hand trailing up a bare thigh. 

She couldn't see the kisser’s face, but she was making blondie breathless. Doyeon can’t help but snort at the traveling hands on this girl’s body. Someone must have been horny. Doyeon listens to the smacking noises of lips and rolls her eyes.

The hand on the thigh slips underneath the blonde girl’s skirt and squeezes. So Doyeon clears her throat to make sure they know she’s there before anything gets too heated. Blondie squeaks and looks over at Doyeon who only smirks and nods in return. The girl puts her leg down and tugs at her skirt while non-blondie groans at the interruption. Hands are pushed away and a husky voice mumbles something incoherent. The clicks of heels become a distant thought.

Doyeon squints in the darkness and let’s her jaw drop in surprise when she sees it’s Sooyoung who’s now leaning her head back onto the wall. There’s lipstick marks littered across the girl’s chest and neck and her hair sticks around the edges of her face.

“Wanna cigarette?” 

Sooyoung glances at her, “sure. Thanks.” Doyeon notices how Sooyoung’s eyes are much more dangerous without those glasses on. The girl was wearing tight leather pants and a large mesh top. It barely hung off of her allowing skin covered in glitter to peek out into the moonlight. Around her throat a pretty gold chain sits. The various hoops ranging in size on her ears matched, along with the pinky and thumb rings. 

The girl leans over and lets Doyeon slip the cigarette into her mouth. She lights it for Sooyoung holding her hand out to block the wind and brings the flame close. Sooyoung takes a long drag before leaning back. “Didn’t mean to interrupt by the way...seemed like things were getting a bit tense.” Doyeon tells her and watches as Sooyoung's lips pull into a smirk.

“It’s aight, she wasn’t that good of a kisser anyways.”

Doyeon laughs along with Sooyoung. There was something smoothing about her voice. It was more relaxing than the cigar. “Didn’t know you still got around like this Sooyoung.”

The girl glances at her through her eyelashes, “thought you had a girl?”

“I do, I didn’t come here to fuck a stranger. Just wanted to step out for a bit.” Doyeon defends herself. She liked coming here, she liked the atmosphere and the conversation. 

Sooyoung flicks the cigarette away even though she wasn’t finished with it. The girl leans against the brick and kicks a leg up to rest against it. “You think I’m a bad person Doyeon? Because I fuck strangers?” There’s a challenge in that question and Doyeon isn’t for sure how to take the cold tone. But then Sooyoung laughs and takes some of the weight off her words, “ahh I just don’t get relationships is all. Too much to worry about. Too much to bother with.” 

It wasn’t like Sooyoung liked coming here, crowds made her nervous and people paid too much attention to her. Sooyoung hated that attention, but hated sleeping alone more. 

Doyeon looks down at Sooyoung through the dull lights of the buzzing street lamps. The girl’s fingers snap in a rhythm as she stares straight back into Doyeon’s eyes. Doyeon thinks Sooyoung is a coward, but she knows if she wasn’t so in love with Yoojung she’d have girls pressed against walls just as Sooyoung had.

It was worth it with Yoojung.

All that fear and what if’s.

“It’s not too much when you love someone.” Doyeon tells her and Sooyoung starts to glare. There’s a tension inside Sooyoung that’s frightening, that expression on her face could scare anyone away. But Doyeon wasn’t just anyone. Sooyoung couldn’t run her off with a weak gaze like that. It wasn’t that Sooyoung didn’t like Doyeon, the girl always called her out on things she hated to think about.

Doyeon takes a long drag of her cigar before continuing, “I don’t mind risking everything if I get to spend my life with her.”

Sooyoung breaks the lock between their eyes and stares up at the sky, “has anyone ever told you how corny you are?” Doyeon smirks.

“Plenty of times, but my girl likes it.”

There’s a small noise that comes out of Sooyoung’s throat, “ugh gross.” The girl didn’t believe in love. “To each their own I guess.”

Doyeon presses the bud of her cigar into the brick, “you’ll know what I mean when you find someone Sooyoung.” Doyeon says, and hates when Jinsoul pops into her mind. Because she knows Sooyoung would destroy a girl like her. “But I don’t know, I can see ya chasing tail old as shit.” 

The girl laughs, “maybe so.” 

Sooyoung cracks a smile and starts to walk past her, drawn to the throb of music inside. She lays a hand on the taller girl’s shoulder, “see you around Doyeon.” Doyeon nods and watches Sooyoung go, she slips off the side of the building and makes her way home.

Inside, Sooyoung pushes away the girl from before. Her features weren’t right, her touch wasn’t right. She pays for the tab and tells the girl off. On the subway she clings to the handles and stares into the distance beside her.

The memory of a pretty blonde fades into the worn down seats and rhythm of clinks.

~~~~

Reapplying her lip gloss in the mirror Jinsoul smiles at the girl beside her. The girl flinches at first since she was caught staring, but relaxes when Jinsoul winks. “Cute skirt babe.” Jinsoul compliments as she gets her things ready.

“T-thank you.” The girl shyly replies as Jinsoul walks past her.

In the hall, Jinsoul walks with confidence. Her heels click on the marble floors and she adjusts her matching blazer and skirt. Today Jinsoul had to look her best and be her best. She was a business major and one of the top in the class despite being shadowed by men. In five minutes, she was going to have to present a figurative sales pitch to most of her peers and the head of the business department. 

In no way she was nervous, because she knew she was gonna grab this presentation by the ass. 

Strutting inside, the class with only one girl besides her. Jinsoul sits down her bag on the table nearby and waves at her. Jungeun was a sweet girl, but she didn’t have the guts to stand up for herself. Jinsoul has been in trouble a lot for taking up for the girl. She hated seeing how Jungeun’s shoulders slumped when one of the boys in class told her she’d never be nothing more than a secretary. 

She had so much potential, but Jungeun was too meek to commit to it. 

Jinsoul tried her hardest to encourage her. Telling Jungeun to believe in herself and nobody else. It wasn’t enough, instead Jinsoul started to try and set an example so Jungeun would find the confidence. Turning to the man behind the desk she tells him she’s ready. 

The pitch she gives is her best yet, there isn’t any hole and she doesn’t stutter. Jinsoul’s impressed by her own persuasion. After she finishes, she takes a deep breath. A smile stretches on her face, Jinsoul’s never been so proud of herself. Clearing her throat she turns to the class and Jungeun claps for her from the back. 

No one else does, well except this one guy who starts out clapping just as hard as Jungeun but he receives glares causing him to shyly put down his hands.

Jinsoul’s smile falls as quick as it was formed and she swallows the sick tension that starts to build. Most of the boys are laughing at her, but it’s mostly Jay Park. Jinsoul’s real worst enemy. He’s been the bane of Jinsoul’s existence ever since she came to this campus. The only reason he was an ass to her was because Jinsoul turned him down.

She told him she doesn’t date anyone under six foot, especially when they look like a troll.

Park didn’t take it so well. Nor when Jinsoul made fun of his tight pants and bad haircut. Or his squeaky voice and non-existent sex appeal. Now Jinsoul had a whole crowd of _that_ type of man against her. A man-hater is what they called her. She took it as a compliment. Because really if she could, she’d get rid of every man in the world. Except Xiaojun and Hyunmin, they could stay. But anyone else…

The reason Jinsoul wanted to be so successful is so that she wouldn’t need a man to buy her clothes. That she’d have enough money to never have to hire one in her company. Jinsoul had a dream and it was narrow, but she really believed she could make it happen. 

“Something funny?”

Park keeps laughing and shakes his head, “no it’s just you look fucking ridculous.” Jinsoul raises a brow and looks down at her clothes, she thought she looked hot. “You really think anyone is ever going to take you seriously when you look like that?” He asks her with a mocking tone and glances at his buddies who are nervously laughing.

“You think anyone is ever going to take you serious when you sound like Mickey Mouse Jr.?” Jinsoul says and some of the boys stop laughing, turning to Park who is starting to force himself to laugh, only to swallow nervously when Jinsoul continues to glare at him.

Jinsoul sighs, “you’re prematurely balding. You’ll be lucky to lose your virginity by the time you're forty.” Park stops laughing and turns to her, “the only woman who will ever love you is your mother and even then she wishes she would have swallowed you.” Park starts to shake in his seat like an angry little dog and Jinsoul had the leash pulled tight, she starts to walk closer, “and the only goddamn reason you are sitting in that seat.” Jinsoul slams her hands onto the desk, making the boy flinch back in fear.

“Is because your daddy had to pay every head on this campus just for you to become an overwhelmingly disappointing student.” Jinsoul smirks, “do I have to remind you how you failed this class before and still managed to forget half your pitches…dumbass.”

Park stands and starts to ramble, “at-at least I-I don’t have to suck Dr. Shim’s dick to get a good grade.” Jinsoul’s jaw drops and Dr. Shim stands up slamming his hand on the table.

“That is enough! I’m not going to tolerate this in my class!” Everyone hangs their heads low except Jinsoul. “There’s nothing left to do today, so everyone can go.” Jinsoul stands completely still as everyone packs up to leave. “Ms. Jung, I’d like to speak to you.”

Jinsoul walks over to the professor, her good mood ruined. Dr. Shim takes a deep breath, “I know you like to embarrass Park, but you’re gonna have to keep it inside. The only way you’ll become successful is learn to be passive no matter how annoying it gets.” Jinsoul refuses to look at him, he’s always taking up for everyone but her. Or she should say the guys in the class. “I know how hard it is when everyone treats you like a laughingstock even though you're the best student. I understand your anger but you can’t let it shadow your potential..” 

The blonde scoffs, “you think this motivational bullshit is helpful?”

Staring straight into the man’s eyes she fights the urge to punch him in the face. “You don’t understand shit. You probably had it handed to you all your life when I’ve worked my fucking ass off to be here.” The man backs into his seat at Jinsoul’s tone, “and you have no idea what it feels like for your hard work to be disregarded for something that disrespectful, as if I’d ever lay my hands on you.”

He nervously laughs, “I’d hope not. I do have a wife and kids you know.” Jinsoul blinks, how could someone be so shallow. 

Something bubbles inside of Jinsoul. It isn’t a normal kind of anger. “But that didn’t stop you with Jungeun did it.” His jaw clenches and Jinsoul continues, “if she hadn’t begged me to keep quiet about it I would have told the dean, because you're a pathetic excuse of an advisor and person. So never tell me what I need to do to have success when you can barely keep yours.” The blonde whips around and storms out of the class.

Tears spring to her eyes. No matter how far she had come, it all seemed to push her right back into the same place. That’s why she felt so bad for Jungeun. The younger girl had only asked for help only for the professor to unbuckle his belt. Jungeun did the right thing by running, but suffered a bad grade for it. Jungeun wouldn’t even fight for it, that’s why Jinsoul would help her from then on and how they became good friends.

If it was Jinsoul at his desk that day, surely she would have gone to prison. 

Outside, Jungeun waits for her. They walk hand in hand out of the building. Complaining about their misfortune.

But also the gratefulness for having each other.

~~~~

It’s late and Yoojung is getting ready for bed. She’s not particularly tired, so instead she thinks she’ll be doing another activity. She smiles and her tummy spins at the thought. But before she can go rush off to her girlfriend the doorbell rings. 

“Who the fuck…” Yoojung says to herself and glances at the clock. It’s past midnight. Crawling towards the front door of her shared apartment she listens to the small and weak knocks at the wood. Putting her ear up against it she grabs the nob. She hears sniffling on the other side of the door and quickly opens it.

Yoojung isn’t entirely surprised to see Jinsoul on the other side, crying like a baby. Pulling the blonde inside she hugs her and starts to shush the now sobbing girl. Jinsoul was in ice cream stained pajamas and she even had some left on the side of her mouth. Jinsoul mumbles something about being sorry and that the ice cream wasn’t enough.

Jinsoul pulls away, “we need to cuddle now!” Yoojung can’t stop the rushing blonde and starts to panic when she gets closer to the bedroom door. Where Doyeon was waiting on her….Jinsoul opens the door and screams.

Doyeon was spread out on the bed with only her underwear on. She had a seductive look on her face until she saw it was Jinsoul. The blonde squeals and closes her eyes, “EW EW EW! WHAT THE FREAK!” Doyeon flips backwards off the bed in an attempt to cover herself while Yoojung stares idly into the distance. 

After Doyeon gets proper clothes on, Yoojung takes Jinsoul into the bathroom to clean her up and give her a fresh set of clothes. “Yoojung can I ask you something?” The younger girl nods as she wipes the chocolate off Jinsoul’s mouth. “Are you fucking Doyeon?”

Body going stiff Yoojung starts to stutter, “w-waya talking bout?”

Jinsoul raises a brow and smiles for the first time tonight, “come on...she’s fucking you. Admit it.”

“She isn’t”

“Is too.”

“No Jinsoul.”

“So you’re telling me Kim Doyeon was just in your bed in her fruit of the looms with the ‘ _I’m about to destroy some puh-nani_ ’ pose for what? To pillow fight?” Yoojung starts to blush as Jinsoul giggles like a pervert, “you were about to get your cake smashed wasn’t you?” 

“NO JINSOUL!”

Jinsoul starts to laugh even louder, “Yoojung please she had the look on her face and everything! Like bitch, she was wanting some and you were totally gonna give it to her!”

Yoojung shakes her head, throwing the rag she washing Jinsoul’s face with in the sink, “you have no idea what you’re talking about.”

The blonde grabs her wrist and makes her voice low, “but I do.” Yoojung starts to shake, “Doyeon is fucking you.”

Yoojung has no idea how Jinsoul manipulates her but the blonde was a master at persuasion. “Doyeon is fucking me.” Jinsoul hops up and down with a now silent Yoojung in her arms. The younger girl convinces herself that she’s just trying to help, anything to take the blonde’s mind off whatever made her come here sobbing in the first place.

Minutes later, Jinsoul sits on the edge of the bed. Yoojung beside her and Doyeon above with her arms crossed. The blonde lowers her head, “sorry for coming guys...but I’m really sad and needed someone to hold me.” Doyeon was a bit pissed since her plans of destroying Yoojung were interrupted. But one glance at Jinsoul’s pout and puppy dog eyes had her forgetting about the whole thing. 

Yoojung squeezes the blonde since she was so irresistibly cute and Doyeon reaches forward to rub on blonde hair. Jinsoul hums satisfied, since the two above were babying her. She just needed some positive attention and affection since her day was a nightmare. Yoojung really thought of Jinsoul as her baby, and she’d make Doyeon believe the same.

Leaning into Yoojung, Jinsoul looks up at Doyeon. “Sorry for walking in on you in your tighty whities.” Doyeon shrugs, she didn’t really mind. “You’re kinda like...really hot.” Doyeon stops patting her on the head and glances away shyly. Jinsoul’s never complimented her before and Doyeon finally thinks she’s breaking through to Yoojung’s friend. She’s always tried to impress Jinsoul for the sake of Yoojung. “But you ruin it by being odd.”

Doyeon’s face drops sadly and Jinsoul smiles at her.

Jinsoul giggles into Yoojung’s neck, “god no wonder you’re so in love with her! She’s adorkable!” 

Yoojung laughs with the blonde that’s now trying to crawl into her lap, “shut up...I know.” Doyeon’s girlfriend gives her that loving gaze but she can’t stop panicking. 

“W-wait she knows?”

“Yes.”

Jinsoul peeks out from where she was hiding her face in Yoojung’s shoulder, “wasn’t like y’all didn’t make it obvious.” Yoojung smiles sheepishly at Jinsoul's comment.

But Doyeon is glad to see Jinsoul clinging onto Yoojung. She knows Yoojung’s always been afraid of telling the blonde, scared of losing her despite their theories on Jinsoul. Doyeon looks at her seriously, “you don’t mind?”

Jinsoul is tickling Yoojung making the girl squirm on the mattress, “pfft of course not. You might look mean as hell but I know you be soft on the inside.” Doyeon smiles at that, “and plus you’re a total babe. I wouldn’t let Yoojung date anyone ugly or anyone who would treat her badly.” Jinsoul says while squishing the younger girl's cheeks. 

“But if you do hurt her. Trust. You will be dealt with. I wouldn't hesitate to murder your lanky ass.” Jinsoul says a little seriously for Doyeon’s liking and Yoojung shushes Jinsoul before they go back to play fighting.

The taller girl guesses this will be a long night, so she goes to fix some popcorn.

Half an hour later, Doyeon finds herself at Yoojung’s vanity, getting worked on like a lab rat by two squealing girls. Yoojung is doing her lip gloss while Jinsoul is picking out an outfit for her. Apparently Doyeon didn’t dress to her potential according to Jinsoul. She wouldn’t admit how offended she was when Yoojung agreed. She wasn’t even able to eat any popcorn since her jaw was locked in Yoojung’s hands.

They had sat her down and forced a makeover on her. Because apparently that’s what girl’s do at sleepovers and Jinsoul needed something to cheer her up. Doyeon doesn’t know why her being dolled up would make the blonde happy but the girl was smiling a lot more than she was when she first came.

“Soul come look!” Jinsoul pauses rummaging through the closet and wobbles over. The two girls look at each other and squeal before clapping. The blonde runs back over to get her outfit while Yoojung cradles her face, “you are so hot.” Doyeon bites her lip as Yoojung leans down for a kiss. It’s slow and lazy, the longer their lips smack together the more the two forget about the third wheel.

Jinsoul holds a dress up before groaning, “ewwww.” Yoojung pulls away quickly and looks up at Jinsoul who is smiling at them cheesily.

Doyeon groans, “I am not putting that on.”

“But you are. Yoojung tell her that she has to.”

“You have to.” The younger girl says.

“What? Babe come on?”

Doyeon argues, but not seconds later she’s putting on the dress and heels Jinsoul had found her. The last time she had worn something like this was at an art exhibit. Doyeon tells the girl’s sitting on the end of the bed that she’s ready and they both uncover their eyes. The taller girl shyly covers herself with her arms at the two eying her head to toe. It was some god awful sequins dress and Doyeon felt uncomfortable.

“Ugh switch me bodies now.” Jinsoul groans out and Doyeon raises a brow, “seriously! You’re made like a fucking super model but wanna dress like somebodies dad. We’re switching. I’m not letting your height go to waste.” The blonde argues as Yoojung covers her mouth in laughter. Doyeon lets her shoulders slump...maybe she should try dressing up more.

“And your bone structure and features, could eat a vogue cover but nooo. I’m sick of you.” Jinsoul seems a bit serious and Doyeon even feels bad. There have been countless times where she’s been scouted for modeling, but denied. She only wanted to be with Yoojung. 

“But Soul you’re really pretty-” Yoojung starts.

“Shut up.” 

Doyeon watches the two go at it, mostly violently complimenting each other. So when Doyeon interrupts she gets a death glare. “Can I take this off now?” 

Yoojung narrows her eyes, “sure. After I get some pictures.” 

After what seems like hours Doyeon’s finally washed up and in bed. Yoojung and Jinsoul are cuddled up to her right. Talking about Jinsoul’s day, “so what did the professor say?’

The blonde throws her leg over Yoojung’s waist before snuggling into the girl’s shoulder. “Just some protocol type shit. Stuff that would make anyone else shut up. Told me if I wanted to be sucessful I needed to be a pushover...fuck that. It’s literally the opposite of what I need to do. He just wanted to shut me down.” Jinsoul rants. “No one takes me seriously Yoojung. I don’t think they ever will.” 

“Hey hey of course they will. They’re just scared that they’ve never met someone like you.” Yoojung reassures her, “someone who will make a change someday and the way you’ll do that is never changing yourself Jinsoul.” 

The blonde smiles, “you’re the best Yoojung.” 

Jinsoul sleeps soundly that night in her bestfriend’s arms. She almost went to a party with Xiaojun instead, but didn’t really want to end up in some stranger's bed. Jinsoul knows the mood she was in and she’d accept any kind of validation...even the worst.

The next morning Jinsoul wakes up to the smell of breakfast and quickly crawls out of bed. Yawning she pads her feet down the hall and into the kitchen where the couple were getting plates ready. “You think she feels better?”

Yoojung hums at Doyeon’s question, “I hope so, she was pretty torn up about it.”

They’re quick to go silent when Jinsoul walks in. Breakfast is usually quiet between Doyeon and Yoojung, they're both not really morning people. But Jinsoul is...and she talks the two to death. Mostly asking about their relationship and then just straight up gossip.

Doyeon takes a mental break by doing the dishes as the other girls do aerobics in the living room. After she’s done she goes to put on some old clothes she doesn’t mind getting dirty and calls out to her girlfriend. “Hey babe! I’m gonna go to the studio!” 

Yoojung rushes to meet her at the door, “hey wait I thought you wanted me to go!” Doyeon bites her lip and gives a sheepish look to her girlfriend.

Jinsoul pops up from behind and Yoojung grabs her, “can Jinsoul go too?”

Doyeon’s head is screaming NO but both the girl’s half a foot shorter than her give her pouts that’s too hard to deny, “yeah sure.”

The older girl groans at how long it takes the other two to get ready so that she speeds in her old car down the not so busy streets. Jinsoul isn’t blabbering as much thankfully...at least until they get to the studio.

First things are pretty normal, Doyeon works in silence at her local studio owned by her peer. She wets the clay and spins it. Molding it into various widths. When she starts to shape it however, Jinsoul says something that makes her ruin the whole project. “Is that what she does to your vajayjay?” 

It’s meant to be a whisper for Yoojung but Jinsoul doesn’t know how to be that quiet. Yoojung turns bright red as Doyeon slaps down on the clay to restart. The blonde cringes at the awkwardness and goes back to keeping her mouth shut. 

After a few minutes, Yoojung leans over, “have you seen Sooyoung anymore this week?” Jinsoul’s smile falls quick. She hasn’t thought about that asshole in three days. Yoojung notices it though. How Jinsoul’s face loses color. The blonde had been secretly burying Sooyoung this week. Trying to get herself out of the rivalry. She should be satisfied with the win she got. But she’d never be satisfied.

“No I haven’t and I hope I don’t.”

“Oh come on Soul don’t-”

“Drop it Yoojung.” Jinsoul snaps. God, that blew her. Now she wanted to go home and cry. So Jinsoul plans on doing exactly that. Raising up to leave.

Yoojung grabs her wrist, “wait don’t go...I won’t say anything else.”

Doyeon watches the two closely and Jinsoul slips her hand out of Yoojung’s. “I just remembered I have something to do. It’s not you babe.”

Jinsoul starts to back away then, “thanks Yoo, for letting me stay.” Then Doyeon’s stare is met, “you too I guess.” The blonde waves then disappears.

Doyeon shapes the clay into a bowl as Yoojung stares at the exit where Jinsoul just slipped through. “Ya know…” She couldn’t help but listen to the convo, seeing Jinsoul’s lost expression at the mention of Sooyoung. Doyeon grimaces remembering her run in with the older girl at the bar.

“Sooyoung’s always liked blondes.”

~~~~

Hiii everyone sorry for this unnecessary chapter...but I felt like Jinsoul needed some background along with a bit of Yves too. I promise next chapter is something to look forward to ;) I still hope everyone is enjoying and thank you all for the nice comments :( I really do appreciate it! Keeps a girl going hehe Lots of love mwah! Have fun reading! 

Spoiler for next chapter: short shorts. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	6. Risky Games

“I think a C plus is fair based on your behavior on Tuesday Ms. Jung .” Jinsoul stares at the grade sheet, she has good marks on all sections but at the bottom of the page there’s two bold minus ten points written in red ink. “I took a letter grade off for your attitude and the remaining points were-”

“Taken off for embarrassing you, right, gotcha teach.” Jinsoul sarcastically grumbles out and rips the paper to shreds. 

The professor frowns, “no they were legitimate, you were too confident.” 

Jinsoul throws the pieces into the trash, the last bits of her resolve. “How can you be too confident when it comes to business?” She wasn’t accepting the grade. Dr. Shim had no idea what he was talking about, last month in lecture he was just saying that confidence was the key component in being successful in business. “You can suck my balls. If I don’t get the grade I deserve I’m telling Mrs. Shim that I’m pregnant with your child.” 

The man turns pale in the face, “that’s very unnecessary Jinsoul.” 

“It’s also unnecessary for you to be such a prick seriously? My grade?” Jinsoul argues and the man swallows heavily. “Man fuck you. I’ll be seeing your wifey soon and we'll be having a nice long chat.” 

Jinsoul scoffs and turns to leave, “w-wait.” The blonde smirks but doesn’t face the man again. He didn’t deserve it, “I can give you a b plus...I can’t accept no higher.” Rolling her eyes she smirks nonetheless. She wouldn’t lose her A in here now. 

It’s a bright sunny day and Jinsoul adjusts the sleeves of her blazer. She didn’t have anything else to do today and it was still early, she thinks she’ll go to the library to terrorize Jiwoo.

Down and across the street stands a disheveled Sooyoung. She had barely gotten up this morning since she stayed up late coding for a certain part in the game she was currently developing. Leading a team of whiny and pretentious brats to make a fantasy game was starting to drive Sooyoung nuts. 

She lives on coffee in the morning and herb at night when she gets most of her work done. Sooyoung constantly had a headache these days and it was starting to get to her. Her clothes were barely on right, and her hair was a bit messy. But all she had to do was to get to work on time, get the intern to get her a coffee(without milk) and work until it was time to go home. 

It was such a mundane routine that Sooyoung did not sign up for.

Even her concept art had started to suffer by the loss of sleep and motivation. And when she just started to get it again, she managed to fuck it all up. All thanks to her short temper. All she could think about was Jinsoul’s pout and how tiny the girl looked when Sooyoung poured the molten hot anger onto her. 

To stop herself from thinking about it so much, Sooyoung threw herself into the work that was making her like this in the first place. The only thing that was relieving the stress stuck to her shoulders was fucking the first chick that looks at her when she goes out. And even then it was starting to irritate her. 

Sooyoung was starting to seriously think something was wrong with her. She felt like she was going crazy. 

Yawning into her hand she tries to wake herself up by making her eyes wide. The people at the bus stop only glance at her weirdly as she becomes even more tired. She had to fight off the sleep and felt like she was gonna fall over any second. Her head throbs when she remembers Mark, the boy with bad breath and braces, has a pitch today for marketing strategies. 

Sooyoung checks her watch,  _ where is this damn bus?  _ Rolling her eyes she adjusts her glasses and clenches onto her bag harder. She regrets wearing a jacket since it was starting to get hotter. Trying to find something to pass the time on, she wakes up when she sees golden blonde hair shining in the distance.

Rubbing her eyes she squints and makes sure she’s not just imagining Jinsoul. Sooyoung’s a bit embarrassed now...was her mind so wrapped around this girl her eyes were playing tricks on her? The intruding thoughts and memories were enough, but now mirages?

“Oh wait, that is her.” Sooyoung mumbles to herself and one of the old people huff at her. 

Jinsoul was currently checking herself out in one of the display windows at an electronics shop. The blonde was spinning side to side, posing for herself and Sooyoung couldn’t help but smile at that. Jinsoul was truly something else and Sooyoung became fascinated. The blonde’s personality was animated but Sooyoung wanted to know the layers of it, like the one she had deeply dug into those few weeks ago. The one she regretted in doing so.

The shop owner comes to the window to yell at Jinsoul and the blonde starts to yell back. Sooyoung snorts when Jinsoul flips the owner off with both hands while still posing in the window. She’s now checking out her backside while the owner covers his face tiredly, it seems the two had history with the window games.

Sooyoung’s feet start to move on their own, and she doesn’t flinch when car horns blast in her face as she jay walks. She’s been waiting for this moment for a while. To apologize to Jinsoul.

And maybe restart this whole thing.

The blonde waves at the owner sarcastically as she leaves and he flips her off. Sooyoung follows after her with a distance. Jinsoul’s hair is thick, and bouncy, it has a wave to it that’s hard to recreate. It’s like she’s a princess or a barbie and Sooyoung wonders if any other girls are as obsessed with Jinsoul as she is. 

Jinsoul’s short, but her body proportions are otherworldly and Sooyoung can’t help but let her eyes gaze over the girl’s form. Her curves were perfect and she knew exactly how to dress to show them off. The blonde walks with confidence, and it’s peppy. Like she was running off on sunshine and nothing else.

While Sooyoung sluggishly follows behind, still not being able to function properly even after the cup of coffee she had this morning. 

Her hands go into the pockets of her dress pants that hang loosely around her hips. They’re becoming clammy, the longer she follows after Jinsoul. The blonde makes her nervous. Nobody makes Ha Sooyoung nervous. Especially  _ this  _ nervous. 

But this was Jinsoul she was talking about. The girl was like a living doll or could be compared to an angel, but that was just first glance. Her voice was deep and a bit hoarse, and if someone told Sooyoung that the girl was in an underground fight club she wouldn’t be surprised. The blonde was rowdy and a little reckless, but that made Sooyoung even more curious. How such a petite girl could have such a strong presence. 

Jinsoul didn’t have to try to be unique, she just was.

All that beauty layered on top wasn’t what was special about Jinsoul.

It was only natural.

And how drop dead-gorgeous she is was like the cherry on top. Sooyoung can almost feel herself swooning. Oh to be a woman like that.  _ To have a woman like that.  _ It was the challenge itself that was so appealing. Sooyoung would kill to have Jinsoul in the palm of her hands, to break the headstrong-will that she has.

Sooyoung thinks it’s a bit sinister, but she loves the game they’re playing.

Jinsoul was not an easy target, Sooyoung could tell the girl was extremely independent. But the thrill of having someone like Jinsoul needing her, getting attached... It just made her fall in love just a bit. Sooyoung smiles, like she’ll ever ‘ _ actually _ ’ fall in love. 

But for now, Sooyoung genuinely wants to apologize. Because Jinsoul didn’t deserve that side of her. She can really see herself enjoying this girl for the most part. Jinsoul was fun, and Sooyoung thinks she might be a fair player.  _ And Sooyoung really couldn’t get over that smile. _

Sooyoung secretly liked Jinsoul, she could see them being friends for a very long time...but that’s it.

The blonde in front of her slows down and Sooyoung stops entirely, one of the people walking behind her bumps into her shoulder and groans at her, “watch it jackass!”

Jinsoul stops and Sooyoung panics just the slightest.  _ Shit did she notice that I’m following her?  _ Fully alert now, since the blonde’s energy seemed to seep into her (it was crazy how contagious it was). Sooyoung darts into the alleyway, seconds before Jinsoul turns around. Sooyoung takes a few deep breaths, she doesn’t think Jinsoul saw her. God, the explaining she’d have to do.

Peeking around the corner, she doesn’t see Jinsoul anywhere. Sooyoung guesses the blonde started to walk again. Sighing in relief she turns around to rest her head on the brick wall. Sooyoung laughs at herself, maybe she wasn’t fully admitting to how much she liked Jinsoul. She was even following her like some weird stalker. Sooyoung was really slipping off the deep end, work was making her coocoo for brains. 

“Why are you following me?”

Sooyoung’s eyes break open and when she sees a blonde standing a few inches away from her she screams. Jinsoul leans back when Sooyoung busts her ear drums, slightly inclining her shoulders from the piercing screech the older girl lets out. Sooyoung lets out a huff of air and puts a hand over her chest, since her heart was beating so quickly. Jinsoul scrunches her eyebrows together, “will you shut up somebody is gonna think you’re getting murdered back here.” 

Jinsoul crosses her arms and continues to stare holes into her. Sooyoung loses every thought she had. She forgets about the game she’s supposed to be playing. Girls are supposed to be clueless around her, not the other way around. But Jinsoul seriously...has the prettiest eyes Sooyoung has ever seen.

“Hi Jinsoul.” 

“Don’t be weird, why were you following me?” The blonde asks again.

Sooyoung tries to play it cool, raising a hand to scratch the back of her head. “I wasn’t following you.”

Jinsoul doesn’t buy it, as she shouldn’t. “Oh really, then what the fuck are you doing back here? Eating breakfast?” Jinsoul asks seriously and then looks around Sooyoung, “I don’t see a bagel Sooyoung.”

The blonde continues to glance around her, “or do you just like hanging out in alleyways? What’s the truth?” Sooyoung doesn’t say anything and Jinsoul laughs in disbelief. 

But then Sooyoung comes up with an excuse, “I-I was looking for my watch, I lost it.”

Jinsoul’s face drops, and so do her eyes. Right directly onto Sooyoung’s left wrist. “Oh like the one you have on right now?” Sooyoung hides her wrist behind her back. 

“No, my other watch.” Jinsoul blinks at her dumbly. 

The blonde scoffs, “do you think I’m stupid or something?” Sooyoung shakes her head no seriously but every second Jinsoul gets more and more irritated. “You can’t be serious right now.” Sooyoung swallows the tension down her throat as Jinsoul’s temper dies down, and the look of disappointment etches into her features. Sooyoung thinks she’d rather have the previous attitude.

Sooyoung stays silent as Jinsoul embarrasses her. “So on top of being an asshole, a loser, and a freakazoid. You’re a fucking creep too.” Jinsoul grits through her teeth, “like who follows people like that!” Sooyoung sinks into the brink wall when Jinsoul makes some kinda disgruntled noise.

_ “ _ I can’t freaking stand you!” Jinsoul throws her hands up, turning to leave the alleyway.

Sooyoung should just let her go, to just leave her hanging. But she can’t. Sooyoung wants to explain herself. She grabs Jinsoul’s wrist and the blonde stops and stares down at Sooyoung’s sweaty hand tightly bound to her skin. But she doesn’t pull away, she only steps closer. “I was following you.”

Jinsoul stands there with a blank expression on her face. Sooyoung half expects the blonde to start yelling at her, but she doesn't; she waits patiently for Sooyoung to continue. “I was following you because I wanted to apologize for the other day.” 

“You mean two weeks ago?” 

“I-”

“Save it Sooyoung.” Jinsoul bitterly mutters out, while stepping closer to the woman leaned up against the brick wall. “If it makes you feel better I’ve already forgiven you, so if you want to apologize to stop feeling guilty you can. I can tell you it’s okay.” Jinsoul rambles on and raises up to fix Sooyoung’s tie, it was bothering her.

Sooyoung slightly raises her chin up so the blonde can properly fix her tie. She didn’t like how she was piercing through Jinsoul’s layers once again. “But it’s not okay.” The blonde tells her weakly. “I’m so tired of everyone being a jerk to me.” Sooyoung’s heart sinks at that, because it came straight from Jinsoul’s own. 

The blonde looks up at her with dull eyes, “am I that unbearable? That people just feel like it’s okay to treat me like this?” Sooyoung doesn’t think she’s the only one that Jinsoul’s talking about, it’s multiple people...and it makes Sooyoung feel like shit for being the same as them. She seriously messed up.

Jinsoul was a lot more fragile than she imagined. It made Sooyoung want to never hurt this girl. She never expected this vulnerability. “Of course not. I think it’s because you can handle it. You seem like a tough girl and people might take advantage of that...”  _ Even I did. _

Jinsoul smiles a little and starts to fix Sooyoung’s jacket as well. “You’re not wrong, but it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt my feelings.” Jinsoul was only a girl, she wasn’t bulletproof, she was a girl with a heart. A big one at that, but it seemed like it made her an easy target. Jinsoul finishes fixing Sooyoung tie and backs away. “I don’t know what you feel like you’re entitled to, but if it’s my respect I’m sorry.”

Sooyoung hums, but she doesn’t argue. She doesn’t want to minimize Jinsoul’s feelings anymore. Only to prove herself to the blonde that they're not true. “I want to, but I can’t.” Jinsoul tells her seriously, “because you’re just like them. Only sweeter.” Sooyoung wants to know who Jinsoul’s referring to, but she can’t find the courage to ask. “And a lot cuter.” 

Jinsoul blushes when she says it, and Sooyoung fights the smirk of her lips. “But I can’t respect someone who doesn’t even try to have an ounce for me.” Jinsoul shakes her head sadly and starts to walk off, but she has one last thing that makes Sooyoung’s head crack, “don’t ever talk to me again freak. I mean it.”

Sooyoung nods, “okay.”

Jinsoul flips her off and disappears from the alleyway and Sooyoung rubs her throbbing migraine. Winning Jinsoul over was gonna be a lot harder than she thought. 

Her tummy rumbles. 

Maybe a bagel wouldn’t be so bad right now.

~~~~

Wiping the sweat off her face, Jinsoul listens to Xiaojun groan. “Ugh the instructor is so hot right?” The blonde rolls her eyes at him and finishes packing up her bags. 

They had just finished their one hour aerobics class and Jinsoul couldn’t wait to go home and sleep. “He’s not really your type though.” Jinsoul sighs out, “I think he might like it in the ass.” 

Raising up she slings her belongings onto her back. Xiaojun slicks his hair back from the sweat, looking towards the front. “I can top, especially if they’re cute enough.” 

Jinsoul is a bit disgusted, “ew gross.” 

Xiaojun laughs and squeals like a girl, annoying the hell out of the girl. “Oh shut up bitch, I know you’re just jealous.”

“Over a twink?” 

The boy smirks and shakes his head, “no, that I’m always getting some and you’re not.” Jinsoul rolls her eyes and glances over at Mingyu, the boy she banged last week after this class. She didn’t tell Xiaojun because he would have made fun of her...especially if he knew the details. It lasted all but five minutes and it ruined her favorite workout shirt since his junk went all over it. 

Jinsoul promised herself that she would be abstinent from now on to save herself from all the disappointment. The boy looks back at her and shyly waves, Jinsoul shivers with the heebie jeebies, she doesn’t know why she makes the choices she does.

“You know I can get it anytime Jun it’s just-”

“Yes I know, you hate men and it’s gross  _ I know _ ,” Xiaojun has heard it a hundred times before, he was starting to question Jinsoul’s sexuality. He thought it was a slay that she was such a man hater, it saved him from a lot of heartbreak since Jinsoul would beat his ass if he kept going back to something toxic.

He looks back over to the instructor, who winks at him. “Soul...can you do me like an extra huge favor.”

“Hm?”

“Can you clock me in at work.” 

Groaning she shakes her head, “no! I’m not clocking you in so you can go fuck!”

Xiaojun begs her, “pleasseee I’ll get you a pair of louboutins for your b-day I’ve been saving up! If you make me late for a shift Kyungsoo might fire me! Then you have to kiss those babies goodbye.” They have a short stare down, but Jinsoul gives in...she couldn’t pass up on some shoes. 

Jinsoul huffs and Xiaojun hops around before hugging her. The blonde makes her way out, ignoring Mingyu who gives her a longing look. 

At the arcade, Jinsoul clocks in Xiaojun’s time slip and goes to the counter to rest. She better get some red-bottoms. Thankfully it’s not too crowded tonight, since it is a weekday and Jinsoul’s able to rest her eyes for the most part.

An hour goes by and when she’s just starting to feel herself lull she’s woken up by a gentle voice, “hey barbie, wake up.” Jinsoul grumbles and ignores the voice at first. She didn’t want to deal with whoever it was.

She feels a slight tug on her hair and she slaps the hand away before raising her head up, ready to give the bastard touching her a piece of her mind. But when she locks eyes with Sooyoung who is entirely too close to her, the words die in her throat.

The older girl has a faint blush on her cheeks, but she smiles. “Hi.” 

Jinsoul takes a second for her brain to start working again. Sooyoung is waiting for her to say something, but all Jinsoul can think about is how cute the hair clips in Sooyoung’s hair are. But then she remembers how much of an asshole she is and huffs, “get lost loser. I told you-”

“Yeah that you didn’t want to talk to me anymore, well I don’t want that so here we are.” Sooyoung rambles out and Jinsoul turns bright red. Why was Sooyoung looking at her like that...like she was so happy to see her.

The blonde turns her cheek, “whatever, you can stay but that doesn’t mean I want to talk to you.” Sooyoung raises up and Jinsoul’s thankful she can finally breathe again. 

Thinking that the girl was going to leave her alone, Jinsoul dies a little inside when Sooyoung leans down, tilting her head like a puppy would. “You wanna play some?”

Jinsoul’s insides twist and twirl, “no.”

“Why? Come on it’ll be fun.”

But the blonde resists, crossing her arms, “no, you were a jerk to me.” 

Sooyoung frowns and leans onto the counter, Jinsoul hates that her eyes hold so much sincerity. “I know.” Sooyoung tells her in a sweet voice.

“A big fat meany.”

“I know…”

Jinsoul pouts, feeling herself get sad again. “So why are you even here?” Why does Sooyoung keep coming back, even after all this conflict they’ve had. Even after Jinsoul has told her time after time that she doesn’t like her. Why does Sooyoung still...want this. Jinsoul doesn’t understand it. Why Sooyoung is so nice to her when she’s mean. And then the biggest jerk ever when she tried to be nice.

It’s so confusing.

“Because I wanted to apologize.” Sooyoung says honestly. Jinsoul opens her mouth to say something snarky, but Sooyoung beats her to it. “And before you say I’m only doing this to make myself feel better I’m not.” Her voice gets impossibly softer and all Jinsoul can do is look to the far left, because she knows if she looks at Sooyoung and those eyes it’s all over. “Of course, I can’t lay my head down at night sometimes because of how guilty I feel.”

Jinsoul glances at her sideways and has to tear her eyes away when she sees Sooyoung’s smile. It’s warm and it makes it difficult to be mad at the older girl. “But I also can’t stand knowing that I hurt you I’m really sorry.” Sooyoung tells her, tapping her fingers on the counter to get her attention. To make Jinsoul meet her eyes.

“How do I know you won't do it again, be mean like that?” Jinsoul asks her seriously, staring straight into Sooyoung’s eyes.

Sooyoung only tells her what first comes to mind. “I won't” There’s a pause, and a longing glance. Almost as if Sooyoung was promising her that she wouldn’t. Jinsoul wants to believe but something still tells her this was dangerous. Sooyoung clears her throat. “And I also wanted to tell you that I was wrong about you, I really did think you were just some bitch at first.”

Jinsoul grits her teeth as she looks away, “but you’re not at all are you?” Jinsoul doesn’t bother answering the question, Sooyoung should already know she isn’t. “I wanna get to know you, every bit of you.” Jinsoul shakes her head, starting to shake one of her legs from...whatever feeling this was. “Will you allow me to do that?” Sooyoung asks cautiously and Jinsoul averts her gaze everytime the older girl tries to capture it. 

The blonde finally gives up, a smile twitching on her lips but she fights it, chewing on the bottom one to not give the satisfaction to Sooyoung. “Why? Just the other day you wanted nothing to do with me.” 

Sooyoung sighs out of her nose and lets a smirk form, “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, I believe you might be just the person I need in my life...we’d make a great team.” 

“Oh get real…” Jinsoul scoffs and turns her whole body but Sooyoung follows around the counter.

“I’m serious!” Sooyoung mumbles and Jinsoul turns her cheek the other way. There was no way this was happening. There was no way Ha Sooyoung was serious right now. “I think you’re something special.” 

Jinsoul huffs, “I’ll save you some time.” The blonde chews on the side of her lip, “I’m not all that really.” Sooyoung doesn’t know where the confidence has gone but she wants it back. She doesn’t like how unsure Jinsoul is about herself.

“But what if you’re wrong, will you just let me find out on my own.” Jinsoul glares at the older girl that’s holding her hands up in a pleading gesture, Sooyoung’s even got her lip jutted out in a pout. Jinsoul rolls her eyes. This girl was truly the bane of her existence. 

The blonde grumbles, “Fine, but don’t get mad when you’re disappointed.” 

Of course, Sooyoung has something to counter with, “I don’t think that’ll be a problem.”

Shrugging her shoulder Jinsoul lets out the most extra sigh she can and rolls her eyes. Finally looking Sooyoung in the eyes, “so what if that’s not the problem and the real one is I don’t want to know you...because all you are is a-”

“Big fat meany I know.” Sooyoung cuts her off and smirks, leaning back onto the counter and all up into Jinsoul’s space. The blonde leans back from the proximity, and takes a deep breath. Her throat tightens at the sweet perfume Sooyoung’s wearing. “Let me prove it, that I’m not like those other jerks.” Jinsoul raises a brow questionally and Sooyoung can’t help but laugh at all the attitude. “You caught me in a bad moment, and I promise you won’t ever again.” 

There’s something about that smile, something so charming about her voice and how they wrap around the words to make them feel so honest. Jinsoul can’t seriously consider forgiving this girl for real...but she wants to so badly. Sooyoung has always kept her tripping in some way, whether it be ignoring her existence, or treating her like the only person in the world. 

Jinsoul wants to know this girl too. How she became this gracious and why it’s so entrancing. And she doesn’t want to disappoint Sooyoung. “Fine, you’re forgiven...you can leave now.”

Sooyoung smiles with victory and celebrates with a smug look on her face. Jinsoul wishes she could punch her right now...she thinks that’s what she wants to do with her face. But the girl stays put despite what Jinsoul said, and the blonde realizes that Sooyoung wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. 

“Oh come on, you can’t kick me out now we’re just starting over!” Sooyoung says mockingly, already teasing Jinsoul. 

“Right and I’m already sick of your face, see ya next time byeee.” Jinsoul waves her hand at Sooyoung dismissively but the older girl pushes it away from where it stuck in front of her face. 

The taller girl smirks cooly, “hmm I don’t think so, I’m not leaving until you’re smiling.”

“Are you serious right now!”

“One hundred percent.” Sooyoung quips and even lifts herself up to sit on the counter, Jinsoul groans and tries to push her off, but Sooyoung only laughs and holds tightly onto the backside. 

Hopping off her stool Jinsoul whips around the corner. She stands in front of Sooyoung, the older girl swings her legs lazily as she leans back onto her hands. Jinsoul heats up, especially in the face as Sooyoung looks down on her.

The older girl laughs lightly and pulls something out of her pocket, it’s bubble gum and she throws it in her mouth to start chewing. Jinsoul can’t believe how  _ annoyingly  _ attractive it is that Sooyoung’s unbothered by the pure rage in her eyes. Jinsoul felt like there was smoke about to start coming out of her ears and the girl tilts her head cutely as if she wasn’t the one about to cause the blonde to spontaneously combust. 

Sooyoung’s shirt was pink and it had ridden up when she sat on the counter. It made the girl’s tone prettier and Jinsoul averts her gaze when she sees the line of Sooyoung’s abs. Her jeans were tightly glued to her hips and Jinsoul hates how good Sooyoung looks. She liked it better when Sooyoung wore baggy clothes and she wasn’t able to see the perfect silhouette of the older girl’s body.

Grumbling to herself she fakes a smile and Sooyoung giggles at her. It was stupid...how cute and hot she was at the same time. Jinsoul would never admit that though. She could tell Sooyoung had a big ego and she’d never risk blowing that big head of hers even further.

“There, happy? Please leave me alone now.” Jinsoul groans out but Sooyoung shakes her head. Her hair was still cut short, but the way it was curled made it flip out at the ends. It was parted perfectly too, and kept that way by the colorful hair pins. 

“It was cute, but that isn't what I’m looking for.” Sooyoung says.

Jinsoul scoffs, “god you are so annoying.” 

The blonde glares at the older girl as she giggles again, but falters the slightest bit when she leans down. Jinsoul gulps as Sooyoung closes the distance between their faces, “You know you like it though.” Sooyoung draws out teasingly. There was something so effortlessly cool about the way she was drawn down, mocking Jinsoul with the tilt of her lips. Sooyoung raises back up, still staring at her. 

Jinsoul wants to know how Sooyoung ended up that way. Because there was no way this was the same girl in that crumbled up picture she has (now glued in her diary). That girl was too innocent. There’s something sinister about the girl smirking at her now.

Clenching her hands into fists she tries to figure out how to get Sooyoung out of here...so her heart can finally relax. Looking down at Sooyoung’s feet she notices the chuck taylors and takes a grab at them. The girl on the counter smile drops as the blonde attacks her, trying to pull her off the counter. 

Sooyoung hangs on for dear life as some of the arcade regulars come to see what the commotion is. It’s Jung Jinsoul...in incredibly tiny shorts and a cutoff tee trying to pull a lady off the counter. 

“GET YOUR ASS UP!” 

As Jinsoul gets closer to success, she’s startled by a whiny voice behind her. “SOUL YOU UNHAND HER RIGHT NOW.” 

Jinsoul freezes, her arms wrapped around one of Sooyoung’s thighs drop limp at her sides. Except she’s got one of Sooyoung’s shoes, Xiaojun looks between the two. Sooyoung seemed to be shaking in fear and Jinsoul was about to have an aneurysm. Jinsoul tries to hide the shoe behind her back but Xiaojun catches it.

“Jinsoul...drop the shoe.”

“I’m not a fucking dog you-”

“Bitch drop the goddamn shoe or I’m calling Kyungsoo.” 

Jinsoul drops the shoe, not wanting to deal with her ex. Yes, she used to date the owner of the arcade, that’s why she gotta play free. Because he still wasn’t over her and thought that letting the blonde do whatever she wants would win her back. Like she’d ever get back with him.

Xiaojun has his mad face on until he sees Sooyoung, clearly excited to see her. “Hiii Sooyoung right?” He raises his hand for a greeting and Sooyoung looks suspiciously between the boy and the hand.

She goes to shake it but Jinsoul blurts out, “dont!”

Sooyoung gives her a questionable look as Xiaojun’s eye twitches. “You don’t know where that hand has been.”

Xiaojun groans, “OH FUCK YOU JUNG!” 

Sooyoung watches the two go at it, some of the things that were said cut deep, but it seemed neither of them were affected. Clearing her throat Xiaojun does a total 180 and smiles at her again, while pushing Jinsoul’s contorted face away with his palm. “Sorry about that babe, Jinsoul can be a real pain in the ass but she talks about you all the time!”

Sooyoung raises a brow, “is that so?” 

“Yup you would even think she’s got a-”

Jinsoul slaps her hand over the boy's mouth but he keeps talking anyways, his eyes closed in pure joy since he finally had the chance to talk to the woman he’s so inspired by. After he’s done, he pulls Jinsoul’s hand away. He wouldn’t really throw Jinsoul under the bus like that. Bending down he groans...he had a bit of bottom pain. 

While he puts Sooyoung’s shoe back on he thanks his friend, “by the way Jinsoul I really appreciate you looking over the place for me, I can’t feel my legs!” Sooyoung thinks she might be having a fever dream.

The blonde gags, “ewww Jun I don’t even wanna know.”

“But you do, he was...not a twink.” Xiaojun’s eyes widened at the memory. Sooyoung silently lets the two talk, as if she had just disappeared. One second they were babying each other the next they were pulling each other’s hair out.

Xiaojun finishes his story and Jinsoul shakes her head, “why do you even put yourself in these situations.” 

The boy shrugs as he puts his arcade uniform on, “oh I don’t know, I don’t have your power so I have to settle with fucking freaks.” 

Sooyoung butts in, “her...power?” She tilts her head cutely again and both Jinsoul and Xiaojun blush. Except Jinsoul’s is pure frustration and Xiaojun gets all giddy.

“Yes oh my gosh! Jinsoul can literally get boys to fall at her feet. It’s amazing.” Jinsoul blushes like crazy as Sooyoung smirks at her, “she has this incredible expression show her Soul.” Jinsoul’s face is set in stone as Xiaojun jabs her with his elbow. “Come on...show her Jinsoul.” The blonde resists hating how Sooyoung’s eyes are glued to her. Why was she friends with Xiaojun again?

“She can snap her fingers and get a full grown man to sit down and roll over.” Xiaojun says in awe but then his face falls, “it makes me sick. She doesn’t even use it to her full potential.” The boy keeps annoying her by poking her in her side. She starts to feel funny in the tummy. “Please Soul it’s so cute.” 

Groaning and looking up at the ceiling to ask god why it’s always her, she jerks her head back down to Sooyoung, “say anything and I’ll kill you.” 

Sooyoung nods seriously, “okay.”

Jinsoul takes a deep breath and turns to the girl, Xiaojun giggles behind. Bringing her hands up to her face she shyly presses them to her checks and upturns her brow, making her lips form in a pout. Opening up her eyes she gives her best puppy dog look.

Sooyoung blinks, “oh.”

_ Fuck me… _

Jinsoul drops the expression in a split second and rolls her eyes when Xiaojun squeals and clings onto her, “isn’t she such a baby!” Sooyoung is frozen as the two start to fight again, Xiaojun tries to cling to the girl as Jinsoul bitches him out.

Sooyoung wishes she could agree, but she remembers Jinsoul’s warning. Xiaojun pulls away, “anyways I can take over now, you can go play!”

Jinsoul sighs in relief, “finally! Aight byeee I’m going home.”

“What?!” Both Xiaojun and Sooyoung say in unison, the girl hops off the counter, not quite wanting to say goodbye yet. Jinsoul shrugs her shoulders and starts to get her things together. 

Xiaojun whines, “but Soul you’ve been talking so much about how you wanted to play with Sooyoung!” Jinsoul gives him the deadliest glare ever as Sooyoung smiles knowingly. The boy wiggles his eyebrows and winks, “don’t tell me you two haven’t made up yet.”

She wishes she could kill Xiaojun as Sooyoung’s mumbles out, “we have.” 

The boy smirks at Sooyoung’s comment, “see! Go have fun you two.”

Jinsoul glances at Sooyoung and the girl is giving her a pleading look, “fucking...fine one game!”

The blonde throws down her things and scurries off as Xiaojun finally gets to shake Sooyoung’s hands, “it’s so nice to meet you I’ve so many great things about you we should totally-” The boy rambles off but Sooyoung watches as Jinsoul aggressively smashes at the buttons at Q*bert. She only smiles and nods at him, eager to get to the blonde she’s so curious about.

Strolling over Jinsoul huffs and ends the game, “there now it’s your turn.” 

Sooyoung rolls her eyes at Jinsoul losing on purpose, “did I mention if I win we have to play again?” 

Jinsoul groans as Sooyoung snickers out, starting up her own game. “That’s not fair! I wanna go home…” 

The girl expertly racks up points while chatting with Jinsoul, “come on, what happened to that god driven competitiveness you had. I thought you said you couldn’t wait to beat me.” Sooyoung rambles on as she barely tries to play, it was just that easy for her.

And Jinsoul knows that, “that was true, until I realized I probably will never beat you.” She knows just by watching Sooyoung’s fingers flow over the buttons. 

Sooyoung huffs, “you don’t know that.”

“But I do.”

Sooyoung shakes her head and Jinsoul deflates, leaning onto the side of the game. The older girl looks up at her, still playing the game without an ounce of effort. “You aren’t trying hard enough.” Sooyoung winks at her and it makes Jinsoul’s blood boil. The girl’s eyes fall back onto the screen, “but I understand, it’s easy to give up when someone is as good as I am.” 

Jinsoul grits her teeth as Sooyoung keeps talking and talking  _ and talking _ in that cool voice, “hey I don’t know, maybe you won’t be ever able to beat me. Especially with an attitude like that.” Jinsoul slides her hands across the buttons, making Sooyoung lose the game. Grabbing the taller girl’s shirt collar she pulls her body flush against her own. Sooyoung gulps at the sudden aggression and her glasses fall a bit down her nose.

“You know what I can’t stand about you the most?” Jinsoul seethes through her teeth, before pushing the girl away from her. Standing in front of the game she starts with determination and a new found confidence. “Is that you never take me seriously.” 

Sooyoung watches closely as Jinsoul plays, it’s like a totally different person. “Ever since I met you all you do is act like I’m below you. Ignoring me the first night, as if I wasn’t even a person worthy enough of your precious time, and I’m so sorry that it pissed me off. But all my life I’ve fought to get people to see me as their equal.” Sooyoung swallows hard as Jinsoul continues to play perfectly. 

The blonde was as good as she was.

“And then you don’t even consider me good enough as an opponent and half assed most of the time when we're playing. When all I did was look up to you...and I was just some annoying brat you had to deal with.” Jinsoul presses the buttons tightly, as if they were her heart in this moment. “Then finally, when I wanted to show you that I actually respected you as a person, you’re the biggest fucking asshole to me.”

Jinsoul ends the game and it’s the best score she’s ever had...and the best one Sooyoung’s ever seen on Q*bert. Sooyoung tries again, but she’s so nervous she loses quickly. Jinsoul smirks at the sunken expression on Sooyoung’s face as she tries and tries again to get near that score. 

The older girl huffs out, her heart was racing too quickly.

Jinsoul leans over to her, “I am special Sooyoung, but not in the way you think I am.” Sooyoung takes a deep breath and faces Jinsoul. The blonde really does know how to surprise her. “I’m not some hot head you can tease for your entertainment.” 

Sooyoung lets herself smile as Jinsoul boldly mumbles, “I’m just as good as you are.” 

“I can see what your friend was talking about.”

Jinsoul simply raises a brow.

“How in a snap of a finger you can have someone falling at your feet.”

They share a look of understanding and Sooyoung licks her lips, letting Jinsoul gaze at them longingly. Both of them were thinking the same thing...with different interpretations.

_ I’ve bitten off way too much than I can chew with this girl. _

But Sooyoung breaks the lock they had created with a sigh. “Okay, I guess I’ll let you leave now.” It sounds pitiful coming from the taller girl and Jinsoul can’t help but smile. Sooyoung thinks she’s in danger now. Because Jinsoul’s real smile is too good to be true. 

Jinsoul continues to smile, her eyes scrunching up into little crescents. An unfamiliar sparkle forming in them. Jinsoul’s seriously too pretty, and Sooyoung’s gone. Her jaw drops in utter disbelief that she’s losing the game that she created.

The blonde thinks the taller girl is adorkable when she’s not trying to be so cool for once. She raises her hands to push Sooyoung’s glasses back onto her nose, the girl having a blush spread across her face as Jinsoul’s fingers ghost over her cheek. 

Sooyoung lets Jinsoul move her out of the way, “I think we can play one more time.” Jinsoul smirks as she starts it up for Sooyoung.

“Wouldn’t want to hurt that big ego of yours.” 

~~~~

Somehow, Jinsoul finds herself walking Sooyoung to the train station. The walk is silent, for the most part. Their elbows brush together every second or so. Jinsoul slows down her step just for Sooyoung, since the older girl was walking so lazily. It was like she wanted to make their time together last longer. 

Jinsoul groans when it slows down even more when they get near the subway. “Will you hurry your ass up? I'm tired.”

Looking back, the older girl sways, her hands in the back pockets of her jeans. “Me too...I can’t walk that fast.” Jinsoul rolls her eyes and drags her feet behind, placing her hands on Sooyoung’s back, she starts to push the girl faster.

Sooyoung laughs loudly and starts to chant, “okay okay jeez!” 

Jinsoul giggles too, but quickly hides it when Sooyoung looks at her. They finally make it and Jinsoul glances down the stairs. Sooyoung rocks on the back of her heels, not finding the motivation to tell the blonde goodnight.

She wishes Jinsoul was drunk enough to follow her home again.

Tilting her head she mumbles out, “this was nice of you.”

Jinsoul crosses her arms and stares around the streets, “well yeah don’t get used to it.” 

Sooyoung snorts, loving how stubborn the blonde could be. “Thanks barbie.”

“I told you to stop fucking calling me that weirdo.” Jinsoul groans.

“Okay barbie.”

The blonde goes to strangle her and Sooyoung holds up her hands in defense, “okay I’m sorry!” Sooyoung giggles as Jinsoul backs up again, secretly she steps closer to the blonde. Wondering if those goosebumps were from the chill in the air. Sooyoung wants to smooth them out, but she knows Jinsoul would kill her if she laid a finger on her. “Seriously though, thank you for forgiving me and giving me another chance.”

Jinsoul takes a deep breath, signing out of her nose as she plays with the straps of her gym bag. “It’s only fair...since you’re so nice to me, well most of the time.” Jinsoul grumbles, still wanting to kick Sooyoung’s ass for being such a jerk. But right now all she could think about how nice that hug was back in the heat of it all. When neither of them could stand each other.

If it was that nice then...she wonders if it would be as amazing now. When there’s not so much hostility between them.

“Especially when I’m not the nicest to you. I know I can be a bit much to handle.” Jinsoul admits and Sooyoung smiles at her lazily.

“Not at all.”

Jinsoul rolls her eyes...and says something that has her wanting to gag. “I guess I can say it’s the one thing I like about you.” The smirk grows even wider and Jinsoul instantly regrets it. What did she say...Sooyoung really had a big head on her shoulders. But she didn’t mind blowing it up. However she would make sure it wouldn’t pop, “everything else though irks the fuck out of me.” 

Sooyoung laughs and her nose scrunches up cutely, she tries to hide it by turning her head away. 

“Especially your smile…” Jinsoul teases and begins to walk away. Sooyoung’s still hiding her toothy grin. “Bye freak.”

The older girl sticks one hand back into her pocket and waves. “Byeee Barbie. Get home safe.” 

Jinsoul frowns, “loser.”

But Sooyoung comes right back, “air head.” 

They go back and forth until Jinsoul far enough that she has to scream for Sooyoung to hear her properly. She stops though, and stares at the retreating figure.

“Bye Sooyoung.”

The older girl can barely hear it. Jinsoul says it so softly but it’s loud enough it reaches her.

“Bye Jinsoul.” 

The blonde sighs and turns, leaving Sooyoung alone at the station. Jinsoul has the biggest grin on her face, and she silently hums to herself as she walks down the street. 

Sooyoung stumbles down the stairs and into the subway station. She can’t wait to see Jinsoul again.When Jinsoul knows she’s in the clear, she starts to skip happily.

There was something incredibly dangerous about how that girl makes her feel. 

~~~~

I’m feeling pretty good about this chapter heheh. Since we know a bit about Sooyoung’s intentions...so what now? I hope everyone is still enjoying this! I’m really grateful for all your guys comments and stuff :((( lots of love…

Spoiler: more * and * 

  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  
  
  



	7. Hate that I like you

Checking the clock by the desk, Jinsoul sighs for the fifth time. Xiaojun was silently listening to music on his walkman, painting his nails black. The blonde slumps over the counter and watches the entrance intensely. 

The boy looks up from his nails and reassures her, “she’s coming Soul, she does almost every night.” 

Jinsoul doesn’t know if she should believe him, because he’s wrong about one part. Sooyoung  _ has  _ been coming every night, but the past two days she’s been gone. Jinsoul hated how bored she was without her. That’s all...she was just bored.

And maybe she missed picking on Sooyoung.

There was now some silent agreement between them that was never really established yet that they followed strictly. They met every night at the arcade and played until one of them got too tired or annoyed. Jinsoul looked forward to it, from the time she laid her head down at night and raised it back up in the morning. She couldn’t wait to come to the arcade and play with Sooyoung.

Sure the girl got on her every last nerve. But there was something about her that made the time pass by so fast. It was easy being around her, Sooyoung was still so laid back no matter how wound up Jinsoul got. It helped Jinsoul relax a bit herself.

A familiar face pops into the entrance and it may not be Sooyoung’s (poised and elegant) it was round and cute. “Awe my baby!” Jinsoul mumbles out and brightens up a bit at Yoojung’s appearance. Xiaojun looks up as well and smiles at their friend, she hadn’t been seen in a few days, since she was just getting better from a bad cold. 

The girl stumbles over and throws her bags down, clearly not happy to be back at work. Jinsoul vibrates in her seat, “ahhh finally bitch you're here!” Jinsoul reaches for Yoojung’s face and starts to kiss all over, she’s missed her bestie, and Xiaojun was too quiet sometimes and it felt like talking to a wall even though he would be on the edge of his seat listening to her.

Xiaojun puts his nail polish down as Yoojung groans and tries to pry Jinsoul off of her. “Open your purse Yoojung.”

Finally getting Jinsoul off of her she slings her old leather purse on the counter. The two rummage through her stuff, “can I borrow your mirror?” Jinsoul asks and Yoojung nods as Xiaojun spots her snacks.

“EEEH fruit gummy hehe.” Yoojung was saving them…

As Xiaojun chews on her snacks, Jinsoul puts on some lipgloss. The blonde pops them in the mirror and fixes her hair up. “You got perfume?”

Jinsoul asks her but doesn’t wait for an answer, already rummaging through to grab her smell good. The girl sprays it on her neck and rubs it in before doing the same with her wrists. Yoojung let’s her eyebrows scrunch together, “expecting someone?”

The blonde shyly looks around the arcade as Xiaojun smirks knowingly. Yoojung was missing something...something has happened while she’s been absent. Xiaojun seemed to know since he was laughing as Jinsoul smacks away at him, embarrassed by whatever it was. Jinsoul definitely had a new boyfriend. Or had her eyes on a new target. It wouldn’t be the first time a guy has come to meet her here before going out on a date. 

Yoojung allows herself to be disappointed. She really thought this whole thing with Sooyoung was gonna make Jinsoul realize that boys were not the answer. That the reason she’s never been in love was not because she hadn’t found the right boy or had horrible taste. But because she was looking in the entirely wrong direction.

Jinsoul’s always been secretly sad about never finding true love and thought that literally dating every boy that was nice to her was the successful strategy. But it always ended with Jinsoul being disappointed that she had nothing but an empty feeling in her chest even when some guys told her that they’re in love with her.

The blonde never understood why it didn’t work.

Why she was so different.

Yoojung was ninety-nine percent sure what the problem was. It wasn’t necessarily a problem... more like a solution. Jinsoul had always been more forgiving and lenient with girls no matter how mean they were towards her. She had always been more interested in them too. Yoojung can’t remember a time where Jinsoul had talked about a man longer than five minutes (give and take george michael and prince) but could talk about a particular girl for hours.

Just like Sooyoung. Yoojung had to stay on the phone with Jinsoul an entire night after the milkshake incident. So that the blonde could go on and on about Sooyoung. Yes, some things Yoojung wouldn’t repeat, but Jinsoul was genuinely affected by the older girl. Now, the last time Jinsoul had mentioned Sooyoung was when she stormed out after telling Yoojung to drop her name.

Jinsoul had moved on. 

The blonde is blabbering away while Xiaojun paints her nails. Yoojung gets comfortable, it was probably gonna be a long night since Jinsoul was leaving with a boy in theory and Xiaojun gets off in an hour.

“Fuck she’s here.” Jinsoul gasps and Yoojung raises her brow.  _ She? _ Jinsoul turns her back towards the entrance. A small smile playing on her lips but she bites it away when she whispers out, “act natural.” Yoojung looks around and her jaw drops when she sees who’s staring straight back at Jinsoul.

Except the blonde was turned around, chatting with Xiaojun who seemed to be very amused. Sooyoung adjusts her tie, loosening it as she walks towards the counter. Yoojung can’t help but stare right at her. While Sooyoung doesn’t take her eyes away from blonde hair. Jinsoul acts like she didn’t see her but Sooyoung knows better.

Before Sooyoung makes it, she pulls up a chair to  _ their  _ game and sits down her things, taking off her suit coat as well. 

Sooyoung isn’t happy, her jaw is tight and her eyes are narrowed behind her glasses. Seems like Jinsoul made the wrong choice in ignoring her. Sooyoung stalks up to the counter. Yoojung feels a little intimidated by the girl’s presence. But Jinsoul keeps blabbering as if she wasn’t being stared through. 

“Jinsoul.” The older girl says it almost demandingly. Like she was mad that Jinsoul hadn’t noticed her yet. 

The blonde stops talking and slowly turns, Jinsoul lets her tongue poke out the side of her mouth as she looks Sooyoung up and down shamelessly. The older girl had her head tilted down and her expression was a bit scary. It reminded Jinsoul of a panther. Something about that look had Jinsoul wanting to tremble. 

“Oh hey.” Jinsoul quips out and turns back around to continue talking to Xiaojun who is now on edge. 

The tension was thick and Yoojung and Xiaojun were being suffocated by it. “What are you waiting for? Let's go play.”

Jinsoul is interrupted again while rambling about random nonsense. Secretly she was loving this, how much Sooyoung wanted her attention and how angry she seemed that she was being blown off. Jinsoul wanted to rub it in her face, letting Sooyoung get a taste of her own medicine. It finally felt like they were on the same level and Jinsoul wasn’t so ashamed of having this obsession. It was relieving that it wasn’t so one sided anymore. 

Because she was convinced Sooyoung had it just as bad as her.

Being on equal grounds as Sooyoung was relieving to Jinsoul, still she liked playing games with the girl. Turning around she groans, “I’m not in the mood today and I’m busy.” After glaring at Sooyoung Jinsoul flips back around, making her blonde hair swish in front of the girl’s face. Sooyoung is unfazed by the attitude and leans onto the counter. Jinsoul goes back to talking but it’s forced and Sooyoung definitely realizes that. 

The older girl is chewing on gum and she blows a bubble and pops it. Making Jinsoul flinch and grumble under her breath. Her hands glued to the counter grip harder as she resists the urge to turn around and pop one right in Sooyoung’s nose. “I’m not asking again.” Sooyoung slowly rasps out, it’s a demand and Jinsoul hates how deep the older girl’s voice has gotten. 

Jinsoul grits her teeth before facing the girl. “Seriously? You’re gonna be a dick to me in front of my friends?” It’s like Sooyoung didn’t even know they were there until Jinsoul pointed them out. For the first time she takes her eyes off the blonde and glances at the two at her side lazily before bringing her gaze back to Jinsoul. 

“Sorry.” Sooyoung blows out cooly before standing up straight, still looking at Jinsoul from under her eyelashes. The older girl’s expression fades and that charming smile reaches the corner of her lips. Sooyoung was so dark before, but had suddenly turned into the brightest thing in the arcade where the neon lights could be blinding. 

Sooyoung sticks her hand out to Yoojung, “I apologize for being so rude, I don’t know what came over me.” Yoojung is even woo’d by Sooyoung and doesn’t hesitate taking the girl’s hand into her own. Sooyoung lazily shakes it, “I’m Ha Sooyoung, friend of Jinsoul’s.” 

Yoojung is swooning basically as Sooyoung continues to shake her hand. “Oh it’s fine you weren't rude, I’m Yoojung.” Jinsoul scoffs as her friend is put under Sooyoung’s spell. Sooyoung winks and slips her hand out of Yoojung’s turning to her other friend who’s equally hypnotized. 

“Xiaojun. Nice to see you again.” The boy lets his head tilt with a dopey smile, Jinsoul can’t believe her eyes. Her friends were totally being manipulated. 

“Oh it’s such a pleasure Sooyoung.” He mumbles out.

Jinsoul clenches her jaw.

_ Two faced bitch. _

She wants to scream out,  _ but what about me?  _ Did it not matter Sooyoung was just a jerk to her? Her friends were fake...they didn’t love her at all. They were too easily swayed by the snake that was Sooyoung to be considered loyal. Did they not see the total 180 that Sooyoung had made? Jinsoul wouldn’t let herself fall under that spell, she was too smart...too careful...

“Jinsoul are you coming?” Sooyoung asks her sweetly.

Too weak, Jinsoul corners the counter to follow after Sooyoung. 

Okay, so maybe Jinsoul was easily persuaded, but how could she not be. This was Ha Sooyoung, the smoothest talker on the planet. Jinsoul may be weak, but that doesn’t mean she wasn’t aware. She knew it was all a hoax, that irresistible charm that was so warm. Jinsoul knew underneath that was a brick of ice that could leave the nastiest frostbite. 

Still she couldn’t help but bask in the light that Sooyoung gives off. Even though Jinsoul knew the truth didn’t mean she couldn’t enjoy the lie that Sooyoung wore as a mask. 

She just had to play it safe and not forget about Sooyoung’s cold heart in favor of that warm smile. If she did, then she’d be in trouble. And it was so easy to let it slip from her mind since Sooyoung was so good at playing the role. 

Jinsoul follows behind the girl in a tight white button up and equally snug black pants. Sooyoung’s tie was now slipped off and clutched in her hand, Jinsoul really liked pulling on it when Sooyoung would wear it. Now the girl’s shirt had been unbuttoned a few times and Jinsoul let her eyes linger on the small necklace peaking out.

When Sooyoung sits in her chair, a smug smirk playing on her lips, Jinsoul let’s herself lose a bit of that temper. “I should fuck you up for being an asshole like that.”

“You’re right.” Is all Sooyoung says back.

“That’s all you seriously have to say.”

Sooyoung huffs, blowing some of her baby hairs out of her face. “What else do you want me to say? I apologized to them…” Jinsoul lets her eyes narrow, her blood pressure was rising. 

Getting near the girl Jinsoul whispers dangerously close to her ear, “but you didn’t apologize to me.” 

The older girl leans away, not quite liking how Jinsoul’s hot breath on her ear sent chills down her spine. “I’m sorry okay? I’m in a bad mood and just wanted to play and you were ignoring me.” Sooyoung whines out and pouts her lips, clicking away at the buttons. Jinsoul doesn’t say anything so Sooyoung rambles on, “what more do you want from me?”

The blonde crosses her arms and tries to stop blushing, “I should be asking you that…”

“I want you to be over here, with me, while I kick ass at this game.” Jinsoul rolls her eyes, hating how cute that sounded but doesn’t let herself fall deeper into the quicksand of Sooyoung’s charm.

“And why do you want me over here?” 

Sooyoung blinks and turns her head towards her, “Because I had a shitty day at work and being around you makes me feel better, am I guilty for that?” Jinsoul forces herself to pay attention to the screen when Sooyoung tilts her head. She’s sick for that...Sooyoung knows how attractive she is and it’s unfair to Jinsoul when she uses it against her. Jinsoul’s not for sure what to say that and Sooyoung’s not for sure if she should be so obvious, “but don’t flatter yourself, it’s not because I enjoy your presence, it’s because you're super easy to piss off it’s entertaining.” 

Jinsoul let’s her head lull back and she groans as Sooyoung laughs at her own petty joke. “This is why I was ignoring you...and will be doing that now.” Jinsoul turns to leave the girl but Sooyoung grabs her wrist making her stay put.

“Nuh-uh you’re gonna sit your pretty little ass right here.” Sooyoung teases out and Jinsoul blushes at the fact that the girl called her pretty. So much for not being affected by that charm. Jinsoul was sinking way too fast in the quicksand. “I was playing jeez, although it is pure gold seeing you get so frustrated with me.” 

Jinsoul lets herself smile just a tiny bit. “Go get a chair you’re making me nervous standing there like that.” The blonde listens like a puppet and stomps over to grab a chair, slamming it next to Sooyoung’s.

The blonde taps her fingers next to where Sooyoung’s are mechanically moving like tiny machines, “let me get three things straight.” Jinsoul starts and Sooyoung only hums at her, “first we are not friends, I don’t know why you pulled that out of your ass.” Sooyung narrows her eyes and adjusts her glasses on her nose. “Second, I don’t exist for your entertainment, I am a person, not a toy...even though you probably don’t have a lot of human interaction since you’re such a loser.” Sooyoung bites back a laugh at that one...mostly because she could make Jinsoul a toy if she wanted to. But Jinsoul was kinda right, she didn’t socialize a lot, which made her a bit robotic over the years.

“And finally I don’t like you.”

Sooyoung does laugh at that, “yet here you are…”

Jinsoul rolls her eyes, “please the only reason I like playing with you is because you don’t stare at my tits and you’re actually good.” Also that Sooyoung smelt nice, and she was pretty, and Jinsoul loves it when Sooyoung laughs because her nose scrunches up adorably. “But yet, you stared at my tits that one time and acted some fourteen year old who’s never seen them in real life and I’m better than you at every game here.” 

Sooyoung blushes, embarrassed at the call out. She doesn’t know why she got so flustered, it wasn’t like she was some virgin… but she could admit they were very nice. She misses a block on Q*bert and shakes her head at the thoughts.The last statement however, total bullshit.

“Ha yeah right, you get your ass handed to you every night and you know it.” Jinsoul lets out a curt laugh, a bland  _ ha.  _ That wasn’t true at all. It was actually the other way around, she doesn’t know what fairy tale Sooyoung was living in. 

Jinsoul leans forward on her stool, her legs spread while her hands grab onto the edge between them. “I honestly don’t know why I bother with you...you’re so full of yourself it’s annoying.”

Sooyoung glances at her sideways, “you know exactly why, don’t lie barbie, you secretly like me.” 

“You wish.” 

The older girl shakes her head, like she was in disbelief. “Okay, I know you hate me or whatever.” Sooyoung starts as Jinsoul’s lips stretch into a smirk. “But I can’t help but cherish the moments where it seems like you don’t.” Jinsoul blushes at that and leans back, not being able to handle being close to Sooyoung at the moment. 

_ I’m holding onto the hope that someday you’ll like me as much as I like you. _

“Since you’re so desperate…” Jinsoul hums out, “You wanna know what’ll make me like you?”

Sooyoung clicks her tongue,“If i just disappeared?” 

Jinsoul smirks, “not quite, I don’t think I could survive not torturing you everyday.” Sooyoung laughs lightly at that, her nose scrunching up with joy as she leans over the controls of the game. Jinsoul sighs at the gummy smile that Sooyoung has.  _ Stop it Jinsoul.  _

The blonde tilts her body forward so she can be in Sooyoung’s view, her hair falls over her shoulders and dangles elegantly above Sooyoung’s knees. The older girl bites her lip as Jinsoul wobbles in her chair. “If you wouldn’t run that damn mouth of yours all the time.” That perfect yet irritating mouth of Sooyoung’s...Jinsoul felt like she wanted to punch it, but for some reason it was a different feeling than when she wanted to punch anyone else. “Do you know how much we’d get along if you’d just shut up once in a while.”

Sooyoung smirks and Jinsoul knows some dumb ass shit is about to come out of that mouth. “In a perfect world, you’d shut the fuck up too.” Jinsoul groans as Sooyoung laughs at herself. The blonde leans forward to ghost her hands around Sooyoung’s throat, she was about to commit murder. The older girl glances down and her eyes widen.

Jinsoul whips her hands away and puts them behind her back. Sooyoung stares at her without stopping the game, “were you just about to strangle me?”

The blonde points at herself questionably, “who me?” Sooyoung blinks, unamused and Jinsoul shakes her head innocently while letting her brows scrunch cutely. “Nuh uh!” 

Raising a brow, Sooyoung tries to not dwell on the fact that Jinsoul was insane and most likely a psychopath. She scoots closer to blonde, taking off her glasses so she can stare straight into Jinsoul’s pretty eyes. “You wanna know something we can do that involves no talking?” Jinsoul swallows hard at the look Sooyoung gives her, the girl’s eyes have always been dark. But there was a different kind of darkness swirling in them at the moment. Sooyoung flickers her gaze down her face and onto her parted lips, before bringing them back up.

It was hypnotizing. Jinsoul can feel herself falling down the rabbit hole with no way up. There’s a heat that forms into the pit of her stomach that travels to her chest to burn the hottest. Was this true fear? Or something else.  _ Jinsoul was thinking it was everything but fear...because why did the burn feel so right.  _ “And w-what’s that?” She asks meekly and hates how dry her throat has gotten.

Sooyoung smiles knowingly, “you going to get me a beer.” Jinsoul blinks, the flame in her chest explodes but she’s all too familiar with this feeling. Sooyoung giggles and digs into the fronts of her pockets, pulling out a five. “Oooh baby even better, can you get me two while you're at it?” 

Jinsoul snatches the bill out of Sooyoung's hand before rolling her eyes to get up. She stomps past the counter where both Xiaojun and Yoojung question her. Jinsoul huffs, “to get that dumbass a beer.” Her friends blink, shocked by her behavior and turn to Sooyoung, who was stealing a glance at Jinsoul’s retreating form. 

Xiaojun leans back into his chair, “okaayyy since when does Jinsoul actually cater to someone for once, let alone-”

“Someone who was an asshole to her.” Yoojung finishes. They share a look, “something is up.”

“It’s getting weird Yoojung...it’s getting real weird.” Xiaojun is flabbergasted, “Jinsoul never let’s herself be bossed around. She’s always the one in command.” The boy crosses his legs and shakes his head in awe, “god what a woman, to have Jung Jinsoul wrapped around her finger.” 

Yoojung sighs and props her chin onto her hand, “I can’t believe Jinsoul still likes her after all this time.” 

“I can.” Xiaojun says while Yoojung raises her brows. “What you saw today,” The boy closes his eyes, “is nothing compared to what's been going on.” Xiaojun explains and lays his hands flat onto the counter. “I’m starting to think these little hoes are in love.”

Yoojung let’s her jaw drop, “say what?’

“What?” When Yoojung slaps Xiaojun he laughs before getting serious again, “okay damn I was playing, but I’m being for real. It’s so sweet...disgustingly sweet to watch them ugh bitch you’ve really been missing out.” The boy is in total drama mode and even waves a hand in front of his face to calm down.

Slumping in his seat he sighs dreamily, “Jinsoul may think it’s arguing...but it’s so obvious they’re flirting it makes me sick.” 

Yoojung rolls her eyes, sure she thought Jinsoul was gay and totally had a crush on Sooyoung. But she’s never really thought of the older girl like that. Sooyoung had her moments, but even then Yoojung really couldn’t see them together. She just wanted Sooyoung to be Jinsoul’s gay awakening. “I don’t know Jun, you know Jinsoul. She could sleep with a girl and still think she’s straight...and Sooyoung is too much of a mystery.”

Xiaojun blinks, “Sooyoung? Straight? Please Yoojung she’s gayer than Doyeon and that girl is so far up your ass that she hasn’t seen the sun in about 4 years.” Yoojung really does hit Xiaojun that time and that’s right at the moment Jinsoul walks by, laughing at her two friends who seemed to always be fighting.

Jinsoul takes a deep breath as she struts towards Sooyoung, who is smiling happily at her appearance. Jinsoul blames it on the bottles in her hands. The older girl wiggles in her seat before reaching out, pulsing her hand like a child waiting for candy. Jinsoul shoves it into her hand and fishes for something in her back pocket, “here I have a…”

Sooyoung cracks the beer open with her teeth, “...bottle opener.” The older girl quirks and eyebrow as she begins to chug the liquid down. The blonde smirks, “Jesus you’re like a rodent with those teeth.” Jinsoul giggled before mimicking a rat noise getting a death glare from Sooyuong. “Nyag nyag.” Jinsoul even pokes her teeth out making fun of Sooyoung’s larger ones.

The girl who has the bottle upturned to get the last drop chokes a bit while taking her eyes off the screen, “shut up my teeth are perfect you little shit...” Sooyoung finishes and hands the empty bottle to Jinsoul, somehow she was still on the same game from when she started. Jinsoul’s jaw drops at the score but she isn't given the opportunity to gawk since Sooyoung starts to hit her with the bottle.

After Jinsoul takes the object from the adult child's hands she’s being tugged closer, “here switch me so I can drink the other.” Jinsoul’s thrown into the game as Sooyoung drags her down. Freaking out just a bit, because that’s the highest score she’s ever seen she starts to frantically press the buttons while hovering over Sooyoung sideways.

“Will you please move out of the fucking way?” Jinsoul rambles out furiously. Sooyoung was just sitting there lazily as Jinsoul stretched her body over her just so she could keep her precious game alive. It’s uncomfortable with the way her body is twisted, she could get in a better position but that meant getting closer to Sooyoung...and that’s the last thing Jinsoul wanted. She couldn’t stand being only inches away from the girl without getting grossed out.

Sooyoung is biting her lip playfully, watching how the blush spread across Jinsoul’s cheeks. The view was amazing from where she was, and she was in no harm of Jinsoul’s flying fists if the blonde had caught her checking her out so shamelessly. That’s exactly what she does, she lets her head tilt as her eyes wander over the masterpiece in front of her:

Getting a better idea, she teases Jinsoul, “just sit on my lap.” Sooyoung reaches for Jinsoul’s hips but the blonde raises her fist and swipes back blindly, barely missing Sooyoung’s nose.

Jinsoul groans and continues to play, “if you touch me...so help me god.” 

Sooyoung lets out a raspy laugh loving how flustered Jinsoul was, “wow you’re so flexible barbie, how’d you learn to bend like that.” 

Jinsoul gets redder in the face, but she couldn’t pass up on a score like this.  _ Fuck it. _ She throws her leg over Sooyoung’s lap but she doesn’t sit down. She only swallows the embarrassment that she feels when Sooyoung gasps. Her back is aching in relief, however, her heart felt like it was being squeezed to death. Squatted over Sooyoung she starts to play a lot better, the older girl leans back in her seat and looks the other way.

“I ate a burrito today by the way.” Jinsoul mutters out, aware that her ass is sticking out right below the older girl’s face. She didn’t care, she just needed Sooyoung out of her space. Sooyoung breaks out into a sweat and avoids looking at what's in front of her at all costs, just a second ago she wouldn’t take her eyes away if someone paid her to.

Scooting backwards Sooyoung gets up, sliding the chair back closer to Jinsoul so the blonde could sit down. Jinsoul squeals at her victory, Sooyoung only mopes the other chair. Jinsoul is glued to the screen as Sooyoung plays around with the tip of her beer. 

It’s extremely awkward because the both of them are trying to forget the feeling of being so close to each other.

Sooyoung is quiet and Jinsoul grunts and huffs as she plays. She keeps glancing over at the girl with her head hung low. “I didn’t really eat a burrito…” Jinsoul whispers out and it causes Sooyoung to look up. Jinsoul didn’t like how it got weird. 

“I know, you don’t look like a burrito girl. More like a taco salad.”Jinsoul actually liked fajitas the most. The blonde smiles though as the tension fades.

Sooyoung smiles back at her.

Jinsoul cracks her neck before asking, “so, is the reason you’ve been ghost the past two days because of work?” Jinsoul remembers not even knowing what Sooyoung looked like. How frustrating it was that the girl was so absent and how hard it was to catch her. But now, it was like Sooyoung was becoming a part of her everyday thing. It was weirder when she wasn’t around. 

Sooyoung gets a little shy, had Jinsoul been waiting on her? The fact that she even noticed...“Don’t tell me you’ve missed me Jinsoul.” The blonde rolls her eyes, but knows Sooyung’s being serious by the use of her real name. The question doesn’t have that edge that’s usually there, it’s asked in a softer tone. The one that Jinsoul’s familiar with when Sooyoung knocks the breath out of her lungs. 

When she says those things that are unbelievably sincere.

“Don’t flatter yourself.” Jinsoul uses Sooyoung’s own words against her, “I’m here every night, how could I not notice that your annoying ass wasn’t here.” Jinsoul lets her heart flutter when Sooyoung smiles shyly, god, she needs to stop being so concerned about Sooyoung. The older girl was actually starting to think Jinsoul cares. 

Sooyoung takes a short sip of her beer, “yeah, works been ass, long days turn into long nights. Sorry I haven’t showed up.” Sooyoung really means it, because Jinsoul’s making that pouty face that she does when something upsets her. “Hope you didn’t waste too much time waiting on me.” Jinsoul rolls her eyes, because Sooyoung was right. She was wasting her time.

Jinsoul waited hours for Sooyoung yesterday and the day before and at the same time tried to tell herself it wasn’t worth it. 

And yet she thought every second spent with Sooyoung was special. 

“Ay you wanna drink?” Sooyoung holds out her beer.

Jinsoul thinks about it, but decides she should pick fun at Sooyoung. The mood had suddenly gotten too serious for them. “And catch whatever disease you have? No thanks.”

Sooyoung snorts, “come on don’t be like that.” The older girl shakes the bottle, “I’m wearing cherry chapstick, you might still taste it if you hurry up.” Jinsoul rolls her eyes and continues to ignore Sooyoung’s offer. “Hell if you want you can try it directly from the source.” Jinsoul’s eyes widen and she glances over at Sooyoung who’s puckering her lips teasingly. The blonde forces a gag...even though Sooyoung had the prettiest set of lips she’s ever seen.

“You never know...it could be the sweetest thing you’ve ever had.”

Groaning, she kicks her foot in Sooyoung’s direction when the girl laughs. Jinsoul tries to think of other things as a heat crawls up her throat. “Are you always this shameless?” Jinsoul asks tiredly. She wonders if Sooyoung was like this with her other friends. So gross, and weird with how she joked around. Jinsoul’s never met a girl who joked about that kinda stuff. 

But Sooyoung doesn’t counter her like she usually does. The older girl is silent, and she’s often quicker than that. Had Jinsoul finally beat her at the game they always play. Sooyoung always had the last word, leaving Jinsoul speechless and pissed. 

Jinsoul looks over, and she freezes when Sooyoung’s staring intently at her. It’s in no way a joke when she says it, “only when they’re as beautiful as you… then again I think that’s impossible since you are the prettiest girl I’ve ever met.” Sooyoung lazily draws out, still way too distracted by the way Jinsoul’s eyes twinkle as her words stumble from her lips.

It’s like Jinsoul’s thrown into that subway again, when Sooyoung was pressed against her. When the girl was gazing at her like she’s slipped into her mind. It’s like an emptiness consumes her and all that she is puddles into the palms of Sooyoung’s hands. That spark is there again and all Jinsoul can do is mumble out, “you think I’m beautiful?” Except this time the electricity isn’t fizzled and dull, thrumming around her skin. This time it ricochets through her like a bullet. 

“Yeah, the most.”

She’s really glad she’s not close to Sooyoung like she was on that train. Because she doesn’t know how fast her heart was beating. It would surely burst if she felt the warmth of Sooyung’s body as well. Everything stills as Jinsoul tries to pull herself out of the trap that Sooyoung’s gaze is, but she feels herself falling into whatever game Sooyoung has made for only them. The game that only one of them gets out alive.

Jinsoul believes she might be the one losing because Sooyoung seems all too familiar with the controls. 

Her world freezes over and Sooyoung knows how to navigate through the ice. But Jinsoul’s stuck, because this obsession has become a lot more confusing.

She doesn’t understand Sooyoung at all.

Even though it felt like she was looking at her soul at this very moment. Sooyoung must have thought she was beautiful from the very first time. It’s the same glossy stare that she’s seen before. She’s sunk headfirst into the quicksand.

“You lost.”

_ I know. _

Jinsoul blinks and the world as she knows it goes back to normal. Jinsoul’s always been so sure of herself, so she’s not so sure why Sooyoung makes her question everything she knows.

“I’m gonna go thanks for the beer.” Sooyoung blurts out, as puzzled as Jinsoul is at the weird staring contest they just had. She needed to get out of here before she did something stupid. Like telling Jinsoul all her secrets. 

Jinsoul stands up too, “w-wait already?” Any other time she’d slap herself for sounding this desperate, but Jinsoul hated it when the rug was pulled out from underneath her feet and that’s exactly what Sooyoung does to her everytime she leaves. Every. Single. Time. 

Sooyoung shifts her suit coat back on, combing her hair back with a single hand. Jinsoul’s eyes linger on the rings on the girl’s fingers. The older girl’s hair bounces as she looks around, “yeah unlike some people I have a life.” Her joke is monotoned but Jinsoul can’t find the energy to bite back. The real joke was how overwhelmingly disappointed she was that play time with Sooyoung was cut short today. Jinsoul even pouts up as the girl packs her bags up, brushing past her shoulder. 

“See you tomorrow?” Jinsoul asks but Sooyoung keeps walking. She’s so stupid, thinking that she could hide the fact that the one thing she looks foward to everyday is seeing that charming smile spread on Sooyoung’s lips.

The same smile she has right now, but it’s fleeting. “Maybe!” And like that Sooyoung’s gone again. Just when Jinsoul thinks she’s had enough she’s reminded that she’ll never get enough of Sooyoung.

And it’ll never be satisfying unless she keeps chasing after her.

~~~~

It’s been a whole week since she’s seen Sooyoung, actually it’s been longer than that. Jinsoul tells herself it hasn’t been that long just to keep her sanity. But it wasn’t like Sooyoung was busy or anything. Jinsoul felt her heart rip a little bit every time she saw new scores on the games under that name…

_ Yves _

It makes her weak in the tummy. Was Sooyoung avoiding her? It’s like she’s become the ghost she once was, but this time it haunts Jinsoul even more. Jinsoul can’t catch her, not even Xiaojun since he’s begged to be taken off the closing schedule. Sooyoung has to come in at the dark hours of the night just to play a few games. 

But this time her infatuation has blossomed into something entirely new. Before she met Sooyoung, Jinsoul’s thoughts were solely focused on beating her opponent and humiliating them just as they had her. That  _ Yves _ was her enemy and in no way her friend, a challenge is what she saw Sooyoung as. 

Now, all Jinsoul could think of as she lay in her bed at night was,  _ I hope she’s okay. _

_ Did I do something wrong? _

The one that really clung to her mind however. The one that tells Jinsoul she sees Sooyoung much more than just a rival.

_ I miss her. _

Jinsoul tells herself she doesn’t actually miss Sooyoung. Because she was such a pain in the ass. She just missed the attention Sooyoung gave her. Sooyoung was the type of girl that she’d have to bend over backwards to get a fleeting glance from her, but somehow, Jinsoul had managed to be in Sooyoung’s spotlight.

At least she used to.

Jinsoul wonders if Sooyoung’s gotten bored of her? Or just tired of her attitude finally. That thought leaves Jinsoul empty, because Sooyoung broke her promise. She’s just like everyone else that’s walked into Jinsoul’s life and left shortly after because they couldn’t handle her.

“Hey Soul you okay?” Jinsoul looks up from where she was watching her heels navigate the pavement, Jungeun is walking beside her, their elbows linked. The blonde smiles and nods and Jungeun matches it. Well not everyone has abandoned her.

She still has a great group of friends, Sooyoung wishes she was included.

“Yeah babe I’m just tired or whatever.” Jinsoul yawns and leans further into Jungeun’s side. They were walking home together or really just going to the bus stop, Jinsoul always escorted Jungeun there. 

The younger girl squeezes her arms, “you’ve been quiet lately.” 

Jinsoul thinks for a second, but shakes her head. She doesn’t really wanna bombard Jungeun with her girl problems. Her friend gives her a skeptical glance before looking ahead. They walk silently together before Jungeun gasps, “woah.”

The blonde happens to shift her gaze up as well, letting her jaw drop. It’s Sooyoung and she looks way different than she normally does.

Usually the older girl didn’t have a lot of makeup on, but her eyes were painted with dark colors and eyeliner. She’s not even wearing her glasses and the red lipstick she has on makes the girl’s plump lips alluring but that’s not really that draws Jinsoul’s attention.

It’s what she’s wearing, an off the shoulder leopard top connected to a tight leather skirt with a thick golden belt. Jinsoul eyes the cut slip in the skirt and the ripped lace stockings. Sooyoung’s hands are in her leather jacket, the valentino Jinsoul hasn’t completely forgotten about(it’s on her wish list) and walks by the two short blondes without a glance in their direction.

The both of them however can’t take their eyes off the older girl. Sooyoung ignores them and keeps clicking down the sidewalk. Jungeun’s the first to speak, “you should totally get her number.” Jinsoul stares longingly ahead at Sooyoung. Not even stumped by the fact that she’s being avoided.

“I’ll be right back.” Jinsoul tells Jungeun, but the younger girl knows that Jinsoul won’t be back anytime soon. The blonde was notorious for getting girl’s numbers, only if they had good fashion taste. Jinsoul always blamed it on the girl’s having style. 

Junguen smirks and starts to walk away.

Jinsoul is speechless as she follows Sooyoung because of two reasons. One, the fact that Sooyoung looks  _ so  _ damn good. Two, the fact that she acted like Jinsoul was invisible. Jinsoul really couldn’t believe none of it and wondered if her mind was playing sad little tricks. She couldn’t miss Sooyoung this much to be fantasizing about her like this could she?

The blonde starts to quicken her pace as Sooyoung starts to get farther and farther. She seriously was chasing after this girl. Jinsoul couldn’t let her go.

“HEYYY SOOYOUNG!” Jinsoul yells and gets some strange looks from the pedestrians. Her heels could only make her walk so fast.

The older girl hears the loud voice behind her and picks up her pace. The last person she wanted to see tonight was Jinsoul but of course she had to pass by her. Sooyoung tries to forget the look on Jinsoul’s face when she saw her. It was like the blonde had seen a ghost, one that she’s missed. 

Sooyoung wishes Jinsoul would just let go.

Closing her eyes, the voice gets closer. Sooyoung starts to beg God to not let Jinsoul catch up to her before this crosswalk. Sooyoung crosses at the last second, leaving Jinsoul behind. The blonde surely wouldn’t jay walk at a busy light.

Sooyoung sighs deeply as the cars start to move again. But she freezes when she hears a screech of tires and a series of honks. Sooyoung’s heart drops and she turns around as quickly as she can. Her heart starts to beat again when she sees Jinsoul in the middle of the road cursing out some taxi driver that almost ran her over. Sooyoung looks up at the sky and groans realizing she couldn’t ignore Jinsoul forever. 

“MAN FUCK YOU AND YA MOM!” Jinsoul screams at the man halfway out of his taxi car and contemplates throwing her shoe at him. She flips him off before kicking his car, making him fully raise out of the seat. Before she can walk over and sock him one, she feels a tight hand on her elbow. Suddenly she’s being pulled away, or really dragged. She still continues to yell at the man and his ugly face. 

Jinsoul doesn’t even notice she’s being pulled into the corner of the street until she’s pushed into the wall. She sinks into it further when Sooyoung towers over her, “are you trying to get yourself killed?!” Jinsoul shakes her head  _ no  _ nervously, out of breath since she’s face to face with the one she’s been thinking non-stop about the past few weeks. 

Sooyoung’s even prettier up close like this, Jinsoul feels herself swooning at how drop-dead gorgeous this girl is. But she’s brought back down from the clouds when Sooyoung grits out, “go home Jinsoul.” Sooyoung being angry grounded her and Jinsoul gets her reality check. 

The older girl had been avoiding her, and this was just a reminder that she was nothing to Sooyoung. She had forgotten the venom that Sooyoung had and been pulled into the spell that she had promised she would fall into. 

Sooyoung walks off but Jinsoul can’t help but follow her. She wouldn’t let her talk down to her like that again. Jogging up to the girl the best she can she huffs out, “so just like that? You’re gonna go back to pretending I don’t exist.” Sooyoung doesn’t say anything, doesn’t even look at her. Just keeps walking forward. “Hellooo I’M TALKING TO YOU ASSHOLE!”

The girl continues to be silent, not daring to give Jinsoul the slightest bit of attention. But Sooyung has no idea how much that eats away at Jinsoul. “You magically remember me for one second and the next it’s like you don’t see me at all.” Sooyoung rolls her eyes at that and Jinsoul’s had enough, so she grabs the girl’s arm, making her hand fall out her pocket. “Do I bother you so much you can’t treat me like a human being?”

Sooyoung finally looks at Jinsoul, the expression she holds is nothing but guilt. Sooyoung tries to tug her arm out of Jinsoul’s grip but the younger girl holds her ground. Jinsoul grits her teeth when Sooyoung whines out, “what’s your problem!?”

“You!” Jinsoul blurts out and slings Sooyoung’s arm. “You are Sooyoung! I don’t get it, you’re acting like I’ve done something terrible and I can’t figure it out to make it better!” Sooyoung stands there, the guilt consuming her as Jinsoul pouts up, clinging onto her black blazer with a funky red pattern. It wasn’t that Jinsoul did anything wrong, it was that she was doing everything right.

Sooyoung needed to pull herself away before she got too attached.

The blonde folds into herself shyly and stares down at her feet. Not being brave enough to look into Sooyoung’s eyes. She digs her heel into the pavement and twists one strand of her blonde hair around her finger. All her nervous ticks in one go, because Sooyoung affected her that much. 

“I-you didn’t do anything wrong Jinsoul, it’s me. Okay? Don’t beat yourself up over it.” Sooyoung tries to explain the best she can without letting the truth spill out.

Jinsoul raises her head up, uncrossing her arms to grab at Sooyoung’s wrist again. “Then come with me to the arcade so we can talk about it.” Jinsoul’s true side comes out the slightest and Sooyoung knows how much it was a mistake to turn back. Because Jinsoul is caring no matter how hard she tries not to be. She cares...and that’s all that Sooyoung’s ever looked for. “I might not like having you around but I hate this more.” Jinsoul admits. Forgetting she was supposed to hate this girl. “So please, let’s just go already.”

Sooyoung melts at the way Jinsoul swings her arm around, like she was begging her to come but she couldn’t. “I-I can’t Jinsoul, I have to be somewhere.” 

Jinsoul bounces on her feet and puffs up her cheeks, Sooyoung can only leave her mouth agape. “But I really wanna play! I haven’t seen you in weeks!” Sooyoung knows it’s over when Jinsoul shifts her eyes to the side shyly, “I miss you…” Sooyoung steps forward, not being able to resist the temptation of being closer. “Beating you that is.” Jinsoul retorts, not fully giving in.

But Sooyoung is smart enough to know that’s not what Jinsoul really meant. “I really can’t Jinsoul.” Xiaojun was right. This girl did have some sort of power.

“Then where are you going? I’m coming too.” Jinsoul tells her firmly.

“What? Um no, just, I promise to come tomorrow okay.”

“Nope, I want to today.” Sooyoung blinks at the blonde and groans, leading her the same way she was going earlier. Jinsoul bounces beside her even giggling as she walks, and Sooyoung can only huff out. The blonde’s mood had shifted and Sooyoung was drowning in the cheerfulness. Jinsoul was extremely giddy, what could she say? She had won Sooyoung over, how could she not be excited about that. 

It takes forever and Jinsoul’s starting to think that Sooyoung was messing with her. Her feet were starting to hurt by how fast they were going. Sooyoung had longer legs and could really work a heel. Jinsoul couldn’t keep up, but just as she’s about to ask for a break she’s pushed near one of the walls of a corner store. “Wait here.” Sooyoung tells her seriously and disappears into the restaurant next door.

Jinsoul wants to follow after her, but sticks to trusting Sooyoung. 

Sooyoung looks around for the woman she was supposed to meet. On the way here she had juggled between ditching her date, or ditching Jinsoul. She couldn’t force herself to leave Jinsoul behind, not even after seeing how beautiful the woman looked in the corner booth. Because there was a certain way Jinsoul made her feel that Sooyoung was sure no one else could replicate.

Walking up to the woman she starts, “hey, sorry-”

“You’re late.” Is all her date says, but she smiles sweetly. “God you look amazing Sooyoung.” She shyly looks away, but the heat is too dull. It’s not as warm as it was when Jinsoul told her she missed her. Sooyoung fights the urge to run back out, trying to sit herself down to just give this woman at least one more night.

But she can’t, she can’t sit down with the fact that Jinsoul’s outside waiting for her. “Listen Seola, I’m gonna have to be honest with you.” Sooyoung starts, “I don’t think we should have this date.” Seola is listening carefully to her and when Sooyoung bears the news she scoffs. Sooyoung watches with guilt as Seola leans back, “It-it isn’t working and I don’t wanna waste your time anymore.”

The woman is silent for a few seconds, “and this isn’t wasting my time?” Sooyoung sighs as the woman starts to pack up. She stands there, waiting for Seola to face her again. “So much for giving you another chance even after all the bullshit you’ve put me through.” Sooyoung lets her head hang low, “we should have stopped the first night if it was going to end up like this.” Sooyoung knows she’s right, she knew the outcome of this fling before it even started. Still she’s always liked Seola, but it wasn’t enough, not for all the risks and danger. 

“I’m sorry...you know that, we can still be friends right?” Sooyoung asks, not really caring what answer she gets. She knows even if they tried that it would fade away eventually. Seola looks at her for a short second, like she was trying to read her mind. But it was impossible, Sooyoung had built a wall so strong that not even the sharpest eyes could pierce through. Seola then leans in for a kiss, just proving that she had no idea what was going through Sooyoung’s head. Sooyoung dodges it and leans back, “not here…” She whispers and makes sure no one is looking.

This is why it would never work. Sooyoung was too afraid of having judging eyes on her. “I think it’s best if we stopped everything.” Seola steps back, cutting the tie, “cause let me be honest, you’re not that great Sooyoung. Only when I have you in bed is when I think you’re worth it.” It’s a low blow that Sooyoung deserves. She lets Seola leave without another word.

Jinsoul is picking at her nails when Sooyoung grabs her again. She drags her roughly and the blonde drags back, “wait...fucking...damn she-hulk you don’t have rag doll me!” Jinsoul groans out and Sooyoung lets her go, Jinsoul huffs and adjusts her blazer and skirt, “Jesus what happened in there you look like you wanna kill someone.”

Sooyoung blankly stares at her, the girl’s face not moving an inch. Jinsoul swallows the tension and nods her head that she’s ready to go. She silently follows Sooyoung to the subway. Jinsoul feels like something is wrong but is too afraid to ask. The girl was in a worse mood than before and doesn’t bother talking even though Jinsoul keeps blabbering about random nonsense. 

On the subway, Jinsoul sits a seat away from Sooyoung. The girl is still deadly quiet and pulls out a lighter to start flickering it on and off. Jinsoul stares at the flame before asking, “you smoke?” She can’t help but frown, she thought cigarettes were gross. 

“Used to. I only kept this habit.” Sooyoung keeps opening and closing the zippo. It calmed her just like nicotine would. 

Jinsoul blinks as Sooyoung stuffs the lighter back into her pocket, leaning her arms back onto the chairs. The blonde scoots closer to her, their legs not quite touching, but only a few inches away. “Are you mad at me?” 

Sooyoung shakes her head.

Jinsoul scoots again, now that their thighs are touching and she leans over into Sooyoung’s space, “do you hate me?” The blonde asks softly. Her words tumbling together.

_ Kind of. _

Sooyoung smiles a bit, the first kind of emotion she’s shown since the restaurant. She turns and looks Jinsoul into the eyes. The blonde was so curious about her, so Sooyoung takes one of her hands to lay it on Jinsoul’s thigh. “Be quiet barbie.” She squeezes, loving how soft the skin is under her palm.

_ I hate the way I don’t hate you. _

_ That I could never hate you.  _

“I hate when you call me that.” Jinsoul groans.

“Than what would you rather me call you, Blondie?”

“I have black hair naturally.”

“Then princess it is.” Sooyoung jokes, but Jinsoul doesn’t completely hate it. 

Jinsoul glances down at the hand on her bare thigh and mumbles, “why are you touching me freak.” 

Sooyoung digs her nails into the skin, “because I can if I want to.” Jinoul flicks her gaze back up and narrows her eyes at Sooyung’s cool stare. The train was suddenly too hot and Jinsoul’s reminded how much she likes it when Sooyoung looks at her like that.

“Well you’re hurting me.” Sooyoung quickly takes her hand away but not before rubbing around the stinging sensation she left on Jinsoul’s skin. The older girl mumbles an apology before avoiding the blonde’s glare. Jinsoul thinks Sooyoung’s side profile is even prettier, she could stare at it all day. She’s really glad Sooyoung wasn’t wearing those glasses either, just so she can see how dark those eyes were. “What were you doing in that restaurant?” 

“Meeting a friend.”

Jinsoul blushes and leans closer to Sooyoung, “you’re telling me you were going on a date?” Her heart quickens as Sooyoung jerks away at her proximity. Jinsoul was so nosey.

“What? No I said-”

“Was he handsome? Tall? Did he have lots of money? Oh Sooyoung you should have told me I wouldn’t have-”

Jinsoul shuts up when Sooyoung glares at her like she’s grown a second set of eyes. “A friend Jinsoul.”

“A special friend.” Sooyoung groans at her and tries to scoot away but Jinsoul only scoots closer to her. “Okay I’ll stop bugging you...but can I ask why?”

Sooyoung starts to panic at how close Jinsoul’s getting, the blonde was practically on top of her and it was making her sweat. She couldn’t handle all this attention from Jinsoul but at the same time it was addicting. “Why what?”

“You chose me over him.” Jinsoul leans into Sooyoung, getting way too comfortable. 

Sooyoung sighs in defeat and leans her head back onto the cool window, she was getting way too warm. “I’m starting to believe I’d choose you over anyone.” Jinsoul let’s her fist clench in her lap, hearing that shouldn't feel as good as it did. Sooyoung flips her head back up and blinks at her, “you’re impossible to ignore you know that?”

Jinsoul pouts, “is it because I’m annoying?” Sooyoung glances down at Jinsoul’s lips.  _ No it’s because you’re overwhelmingly cute when you make that expression.  _

But Sooyoung wouldn't dare outing herself like that. “That and the fact you're so easy to be around.” Jinsoul’s brows knot questionably so Sooyoung explains, “You might insult me every second, but you’re not all that mean. I take most of what you say as a compliment.” Sooyoung mumbles out, “and I feel like I could trust you with anything without you seeing me any differently, because you’ve seen me at my worst and you’re still here.” 

Jinsoul finally gives Sooyoung space and sinks into the plastic seat of the train. She gets comfortable as Sooyoung slings an arm back behind her. Jinsoul wishes Sooyoung would fully put it around her, “you know how your friend said you had that power.” Jinsoul looks up at Sooyoung and the older girl licks her lips, “yeah that.” Sooyoung hates how Jinsoul’s eyebrows even work on her. 

Sooyoung bites down on her lip and glances away, “that pout you do.” It’s so overbearing, Sooyoung thinks, this girl’s already got a hold on her.

“How could I ever ignore something like that.” 

~~~~

The arcade is packed tonight, they couldn’t even play Q*bert since there were a bunch of teens surrounding it. So instead, they found themselves at the wonky ass Dig Dug, Jinsoul thought it was a great game...but the one in this arcade definitely had some issues. Jinsoul sits while playing, whining every time she loses. She tries to get Sooyoung to play but the girl shakes her head and continues to watch everyone but her.

Sooyoung seemed bored to death and Jinsoul was starting to feel like a jackass. “You know what, I’m done. You can go home now.” Jinsoul tells her and backs away from the game.

The older girl grabs her when she tries to stand up, “what? No we literally just got here fifteen minutes ago.” Jinsoul tries to pull away but Sooyoung seeths, “Jinsoul I swear to god.” The blonde huffs and decides not to have a temper tantrum going back to play the game once more. It was so frustrating. 

“I hate this game.”

“It’s because you’re playing it wrong.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

Jinsoul groans and smashes the buttons and Sooyoung quickly places her hands over her own, “let me show you.” Jinsoul tries to not dwell on the fact that Sooyoung’s hands are bigger than her own, or that the fact they're so soft.

“I don’t need your help, you don’t even want to be here.”

Sooyoung squeezes her hands and leans behind her, “I do, so shut up and listen.” Jinsoul looks up and quickly averts her gaze when she realizes Sooyoung’s face is right there. “This is how you should do it.” Sooyoung explains and starts to teach Jinsoul the controls a lot better. Jinsoul relaxes at her touch, satisfied that Sooyoung is finally paying her attention. 

Jinsoul watches the girl’s hands hover over her own and weakly asks, “Are you sure you’re not just here because you don’t want to hurt my feelings.” Sooyoung was all and all a sweet person, being selfless enough to come all the way here just so Jinsoul wouldn’t be alone. Maybe the girl really was thoughtful and cared enough not to wound her already sensitive feelings. 

Sooyoung did want to be here, but all these people were making her nervous. And Jinsoul’s bad playing habits were just making it worse. “I’ve told you before playing with you makes me feel better.” Sooyoung tells her, “and I just broke up with someone.” Hearing the crack in Sooyoung’s voice, Jinsoul becomes concerned. 

Then she remembers, Sooyoung’s just a girl after all. And girls shouldn’t be alone when they’re sad. Jinsoul doesn’t know why she treats Sooyoung so differently, maybe it was because she wasn’t like any other girl she’s ever met. There’s something about Sooyoung that Jinsoul doesn't understand that she wants to. 

Maybe it’s because she’s a lot like her and Jinsoul’s never been able to understand herself or the things that she does.

She was confusing the hell out of herself with Sooyoung. Because one minute she just wanted to see the girl smile and the next she wanted to strangle her. 

“Babe, why didn’t you tell me…” Sooyoung’s eyes widen as Jinsoul reaches up to hold onto one of her arms. Sooyoung didn’t exactly know that Jinsoul calls every girl  _ babe _ but when she hears it within the softness of Jinsoul’s slow and drawn out voice her face gets redder than the lights on the screen.

Jinsoul is staring at her from below, Sooyoung starts to shake just a bit as the sweat from her hands gets onto the buttons. Jinsoul leans her head onto her shoulder, “I’m sorry Sooyoung...are you okay?” Now where was this coming from? Sooyoung was malfunctioning a bit, not knowing Jinsoul could be so sweet. “We can go somewhere else if you want or I could walk you home?” 

The blonde thinks she can sit aside her hatred for Sooyoung one night, she would want the same from her if she was upset. Sooyoung giggles nervously when Jinsoul wraps herself one of her arms and even presses her cheek against it. It’s so cute Sooyoung thinks she may burst. “I’m fine really, he was an ass anyways.” Jinsoul smiles at that and Sooyoung starts to play the game for her.

“Ugh, boys are so stupid.” Jinsoul gags and Sooyoung can agree, she didn’t even like them. She never has. “Don’t take this seriously when I say this but…” Jinsoul rambles out, “he’s a total loser for letting you go.” Sooyoung blushes even harder at that, Jinsoul had no idea what she was doing to her. “You deserve someone that treats you special.” Sooyoung looks down at the girl and hates how Jinsoul means it. It’s straight from the heart and Sooyoung wishes it was just empty comfort.

But Jinsoul was being honest and really trying to make her feel better.

“You need a weirdo just like you. That’ll be perfect, then I can make fun of both of you.” 

Sooyoung laughs at that, already forgetting about Seola. “Yeah?”

Jinsoul smiles up at her and squeezes Sooyoung’s arm. She still wishes she wasn’t obsessed with this girl because she could be a total jerk sometimes. However, Jinsoul doesn’t think she’s all that bad. Not as bad as she thought before all of this. Before she started to get to know Sooyoung. Still, Jinsoul will never  _ never _ be friends with Sooyoung. But she thinks they keep this rivalry just the way it is for now. 

Cause it’s the best thing that’s happened to Jinsoul in a long long time. 

“Yeah.”

_ Because you’re so special to me. _

~~~~

Hiii everyone sorry for this very long chapter...but I hope everyone enjoys it! Yvesoul is finally getting somewhere. Anyways I don’t have much to say except I really hope everyone likes this chapter and thank you all for the sweet comments! Lots of Love mwah!

Spoiler for next chapter: overall enthusiasm 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  


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	8. Gonna be the death of me

Jinsoul’s already got everything set up waiting for Sooyoung. The chair, a cold beer, and a pocket full of insults. Jinsoul spins around in the arcade chair, staring towards the entrance anticipating the arrival of Sooyoung. 

Some of the boys around stare at her, waiting as well. She and Sooyoung’s kinda gathered a fanbase. Apparently their little spurts of rivalry was entertaining, all though Jinsoul thought it was just straight up annoying. Sometimes she wanted to slam her fist straight into Sooyoung’s mouth.

Speak of the devil the girl comes walking in. Jinsoul lets her jaw gape in the slightest. It’s been a few weeks since the break-up and Sooyoung’s been more persistent when stopping by, their routine was becoming solid. Except for today, when usually Sooyoung appears in a wrinkled checkered shirt and a bunched up tie all covered by an old brown jacket. She looked better than Jinsoul would ever admit.

Today she was dressed a little more professional. Jinsoul looks down at her own attire, some baggy overalls and a striped t-shirt. Heels click up towards her and Jinsoul slowly glances up with a lump in her throat. Sooyoung doesn’t have her glasses on today, her features are sharp due to the excess makeup when she’s usually light on it. 

Her voice is as smooth as ever and Jinsoul feels her ears turning red, “hey princess.” Sooyoung smirks and Jinsoul zones in on red glossy lips. Her whole face follows her ears and soon she’s redder than Sooyoung’s fancy blazer with the shoulder pads.

“Do you always have to be so weird?” Jinsoul grumbles and turns away, too embarrassed by Sooyoung’s soft laugh.

“Come on I know you like it when I call you that.” Sooyoung teases and Jinsoul glares at her while standing up. The girl in front of her looks too good and she thinks she’s made a mistake by being here today. Sooyoung loosens the gawky belt tied around her waist that was complimenting her figure. She shuffles off the blazer to reveal a silky shirt tucked into a work skirt that hangs past Sooyoung’s knees. 

Jinsoul chews on her lip as her eyes wander to places they shouldn’t. Sooyoung’s legs were long....and the bit that showed looked so smooth and Jinsoul found herself wanting to see for herself if Sooyoung’s skin was as silky as her shirt. Her eyes focus on one area in particular. 

The blonde hums a satisfied tune to herself. She’d have to thank god later for letting tight clothes become a trend. Because Sooyoung’s ass was-

Sooyoung clears her throat and Jinsoul knows she’s been caught, but she doesn’t move her gaze. It was a nice sight and she wouldn’t deny that she was checking Sooyoung’s  _ assets _ out. Watching Sooyoung squirm under her stare Jinsoul allows her eyes to climb back up, the girl’s sleeves were now rolled so she could see the thin gold watch on her wrist. Sooyoung liked accessories, rings, and the gold chain on her neck. The tiny hoops in her ears.

Oh and Sooyoung had a natural accessory as well at the moment. Her cheeks were bright red when Jinsoul’s eyes finally met her face. Jinsoul smiles sweetly, “you look nice today.”

Sooyoung tugs at the collar of her shirt and Jinsoul realizes she isn’t the only one feeling hot in this arcade, “thanks.” Sooyoung replies shyly, turning back to the game she was already playing. Jinsoul leans onto it as Sooyoung goes to sit in her chair. Crossing her legs with the straightest posture Jinsoul’s ever seen. 

Jinsoul lets herself be a fan girl a bit, Sooyoung looked straight out of a magazine sitting there. It was like she was posing for a photoshoot and Jinsoul’s head spins at the fact that Sooyoung looks so elegant while doing something so lame. It’s probably because she could pass as a model. “I had a meeting today, couldn’t half ass anything, not even my fit.” Sooyoung explains to her but Jinsoul only thinks that the girl looks good all the time. 

The blonde reaches down for the beer and opens it before handing it to Sooyoung, “yeah? How’d it go?” The girl accepts it gratefully and gives Jinsoul a smile for thanks. The blonde likes how Sooyoung’s hair is styled today and suddenly has the urge to play with it...so she does.

Sooyoung chokes on her beer and Jinsoul snorts. Sooyoung sure did like to tease but she couldn’t handle the slightest bit of Jinsoul’s touchiness. She couldn’t dish it out like she gave it. Sooyoung glances up shyly, “g-good.” Jinsoul twirls some of Sooyoung’s hair and the girl nervously rambles out, “you look um nice too.”

Jinsoul lips form a lop-sided grin, “thanks, I know.” The older girl shudders at the confidence and tries to ignore how nice Jinsoul’s hands feel in her hair.

An hour later, the consequences of skipping lunch come to haunt Sooyoung. Her belly rumbles and she pouts up at Jinsoul who’s going to town on Dig Dug. After teaching Jinsoul how to play it the blonde has been obsessed with it, even more so than Q*bert. “Hey barbie, let’s make a bet.”

Jinsoul ignores her at first so Sooyoung pokes at her side, making the blonde squirm and throw a kick at her. Sooyoung simply dodges it as Jinsoul groans, “leave me alone I’m busy.”

“Let’s make a bet.” Sooyoung repeats but Jinsoul acts as if she doesn’t exist. So she pulls on her ear.

“Stop it you freak!” The blonde whines and pushes her away.

Sooyoung smirks as the blonde was clearly getting riled up, “you have cute ears you know.”

“Shut. Up.”

Jinsoul’s irritated as hell at Sooyoung and is about to snap if the girl doesn’t leave her alone. But Sooyoung leans down, way too close and her red lips are right next to her ear. Jinsoul’s so focused on the warm breath and the chills it gives her to notice the hand slipping over the controls of the game. “Make me.” Jinsoul sharply inhales but she blows steam seeing that Sooyoung had only tricked her into losing the game.

Raising her hands up to strangle Sooyoung she stops herself and clenches her fist, so tight it hurts especially when Sooyoung gives her that teasing smirk. “What on earth could you possibly want?” Jinsoul asks her and doesn’t miss the way Sooyoung’s eyes flicker down to her lips for a split second.

“Let’s make a bet, I’m hungry, the winner buys dinner.” 

Jinsoul glares at her for a second and then mumbles out, “as if I’d ever have dinner with you.”

“You will once it’s free.” 

“Ugh no!”

“Come on barbie jus-” Sooyoung starts out but is quickly cut off by a deeper voice.

“You ladies looking for a challenge?”

They both turn to a greasy looking boy. He smirks at the two of them and his friends nervously sway behind him. Sooyoung quickly goes to stand in front of Jinsoul, not liking how the leader of the stank pack is staring at the blonde. Sooyoung raises a brow, “what kinda challenge we talking here?”

The boy giggles and it sounds kinda like a pig with how much he snorts. Sooyoung grimaces in disgust, “me and the fair...beautiful...madam behind you, one on one,” Jinsoul has to cover her mouth from puking, or maybe laughing. Sooyoung doesn’t know for sure but she let’s her eyes narrow since this guy was a straight up creep. He was talking like he lived and breathed dungeons and dragons. “Street fighter best out of five.” 

Okay, Jinsoul was pretty good at that game, much better than Sooyoung was. Jinsoul perks up from behind Sooyoung and leans forward to rest her chin on top of the girl’s shoulder. Sooyoung tenses up at first, having Jinsoul so close to her, but relaxes a second later and leans back into the blonde. “So what’s the catch.” Jinsoul asks. Her chin rubbing against Sooyoung’s shoulder as she speaks.

The boy smiles and Sooyoung swears she can smell his breath from here...it reeks like unwashed ass cheeks. “If I win she has to go on a date with me.” Sooyoung shivers, yeah no way in fucking hell is she letting Jinsoul take this bet.

“Jinsoul let’s just-”

“And if I win?” The blonde asks innocently and Sooyoung doesn’t know whether she should be mad at the fact that Jinsoul isn’t listening to her or being reasonable or that she’s  _ so  _ cute when she flutters her eyelashes like that.

“Whatever you want my fair lady.” Sooyoung’s about to knock this guy’s glasses off...she doesn’t like how Jinsoul smiles and gives into whatever sick fantasy in his head. She doesn’t like how Jinsoul didn’t immediately refuse, she doesn’t like how jealous she’s getting.

Over some weirdo who probably jacks off every night to the bikini issue of Sports Illustrated. Sooyoung was one hundred times hotter and better than him...so why was she getting so tore up that Jinsoul was giving the slightest bit of attention to him.

Sooyoung’s eyes widen.

_ Oh no. _

Jinsoul shuffles around her, “what’s in your pocket.” The boy smirks pervertedly and Jinsoul’s quick to shut it down , “money like...how money you got.” Sooyoung calms down a little bit when she hears Jinsoul mumble  _ freak _ under her breath.

The boy pulls out his wallet and checks, “forty seven dollars.” Jinsoul smiles evilly.

“Oh your so on…”

~~~~

First round goes to freak face, second goes to Jinsoul. Sooyoung stands by chewing on her nails nervously as the blonde curses the boy up and down while playing. Jinsoul gets too worked up and forgets to play sometimes while the boy eats it right up, playing along by saying below the belt things to her. Sooyoung knows when Jinsoul gets mad, the blonde can’t really function properly.

Still she can’t get over how attractive it is when Jinsoul gets mad. Her jaw clenches and her throat tightens...her eyes go into a dangerous glare while her eyebrows know along with the puff of her cheeks. Sooyoung wouldn’t deny she pisses the blonde off on purpose.

“UGH YOU FREAKING CHEATER!” Jinsoul squeals and slams on the buttons.

The boy snorts, “or maybe you’re just slow, would make sense you know...cause you’re just a stupid blonde.” Jinsoul tenses and the boy lands a killing blow, letting the boy take the third round. It’s getting bad and Sooyoung pays close attention to the way the boy rakes his eyes over Jinsoul. Even if he did win Sooyoung would make sure he wouldn’t step a foot towards Jinsoul.

Still, she wants Jinsoul to win because she knows how happy the girl gets when she proves herself against the world. It brings nothing but a smile to her face when the blonde gets overly excited and bounces around.

Sooyoung knows Jung Jinsoul is a whole lot more than what she seems...and even then Jinsoul is everything.

So she wants her to realize that, no matter what it takes. Jinsoul is about to launch onto the boy with her fist already raised. Xiaojun, Jinsoul’s little friend has informed Sooyoung before that the girl has a hobby of fighting anything or anyone she doesn’t like. Sooyoung stops it before Jinsoul ends up breaking the freak's face into something uglier.

Pulling onto the blonde’s wrist she takes them away from the crowd of boys cheering on their creepy friend. The arcade is blasting  _ listen to your heart  _ making the whole situation more dramatic than it is and the lights were getting brighter since outside was getting darker. It smelt horrible, like soda and body odor, but Sooyoung can still smell Jinsoul’s sweet perfume over it all. 

Jinsoul’s attention is pinpointed on the boy so Sooyoung swallows down the nerves and pats on the blonde’s head, instantly tensing up at how soft her hair is. “Who’s a good girl?” Jinsoul furrows her brows but doesn’t look at her yet. Sooyoung will have to try harder, the best way to get Jinsoul’s attention is either by being annoying or fawning over her. Sooyoung had too much dignity(and anxiety) to do the latter, yet here she was. “Are you a good girl Jinsoul?” 

She can see the red creep on Jinsoul’s face and the blonde finally turns to her. The angry expression turns into something Sooyoung’s never seen before. She’s not for sure what Jinsoul is feeling right now but now that she’s got her focus she rubs more surely, even slipping her fingers into blonde silk. “Yeah you are…such a good girl.” 

Jinsoul’s eyes are a bit wide and her eyebrows are turned up. Sooyoung isn’t sure if she liked it or if it’s the worst thing ever to Jinsoul. “I’m not a fucking dog you weirdo.” Okay maybe Sooyoung didn’t know how to be affectionate to a human being but she was trying. She knows what that expression is now. Jinsoul thought she was bat shit crazy.

The pout on the girl’s lips are too much and Sooyoung groans out, “then stop barking so damn much.” Jinsoul knows what she means. That she didn’t know how to shut the hell up when playing, that she should focus solely on the game and nothing else.

Jinsoul gives her a grumpy look, but to Sooyoung it’s the cutest thing she’s ever seen. “Would you rather me start biting then?” Sooyoung’s face drops and the blonde starts to whine, “seriously Sooyoung you’re a witness, he’s been saying awful things to me what am I supposed to do?”

Sooyoung brings her hands down to cup Jinsoul’s cheeks and she’s afraid she’s overstepped boundaries when eyebrows dart down. But Jinsoul not seconds after relaxes and leans further into her touch. “He’s so mean Sooyoung.” Sooyoung thinks she might die, Jinsoul’s cheeks squish perfectly between her palms and she can’t help but squeeze just to make sure they’re really that soft.

“I know, it kills me to stand by and let him say those things but…” Sooyoung pulls her hands together making Jinsoul’s cheeks puff up and the girl pouts. Okay yeah Sooyoung may or may not die soon. “Let’s wait till after you win to kick him in the nuts okay? If we do it now it’ll just give him another reason to think he’s better than you if you’re a sore loser.” 

Jinsoul understands but still lets out a pitiful sound so Sooyoung pulls her face back up when it droops down. “Listen you’re the best player here, hell in all of this city, you’re not gonna let some dweeb step all over you are ya?” Jinsoul shakes her head seriously and Sooyoung smiles, “good so you’re gonna win this and show everyone just how amazing you are.” 

The blonde’s eyes sparkle a bit and there’s a certain fondness to them that overwhelms Sooyoung. Jinsoul pushes her hands off her face and Sooyoung is shocked when she’s pulled into a tight hug. Jinsoul’s face is shoved into her chest and the blonde curls into her. Like the idiot she is Sooyoung doesn’t even hug back. Her hands freeze mid air as Jinsoul squeezes around her waist and deeply inhales. A satisfied hum vibrates against her chest and it creates an unexplainable warmth around Sooyoung’s heart.

Jinsoul pulls back, hands gripping her sides. “I like you a lot more when you’re not trying to be so cool.” Sooyoung raises a brow and Jinsoul giggles, “is it okay if I look at you everytime I get mad?” Sooyoung nods dumbly and the blonde runs off. Already cursing at the boy again, but this time it’s under control.

The fourth round starts and Sooyoung stands idly by as Jinsoul plays. The blonde is focused now and Sooyoung couldn’t be more proud. The boy still throws things out, especially when Jinsoul lands a deadly combo with Chun Li. The blonde’s jaw clenches but quickly looks at Sooyoung who gives her a soft smile and thumbs up.

Jinsoul smirks and finishes the game quickly. The boy malfunctions and keeps mashing the buttons even though his character is K.O’d. Sooyoung holds her arms out, expecting another hug, but Jinsoul only blinks clearly amused. Sooyoung plays it off acting like she’s stretching and Jinsoul giggles and rolls her eyes. 

The fifth round ends as quickly as the fourth and Jinsoul laughs like an evil maniac as the bills are folding into her palm. The blonde turns to Sooyoung and tilts her head with a bright smile, “you know...dinner doesn’t sound so bad right now.” Sooyoung matches her smile seconds after and Jinsoul sighs, “buuuut right after I do this.” She turns and aims her foot right and slams the edge of her sneaker right into the freak face’s junk.

His money isn’t the only thing he lost.

~~~~

Sooyoung tells her they’re going somewhere fancy.

Jinsoul sticks her tongue out as she counts her bills for the fifth time. “Good job winning us that money.” Sooyoung says. Jinsoul pauses in her step, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk and ignoring the people irritated she disrupted the flow of traffic. Sooyoung stops a little ways ahead of her, one of her hands stuck into her pocket and the other slinging her red blazer over her shoulder.

“Us? As far as I know...this is my money.”Jinsoul says seriously, pulling the bills towards herself and shaking her head with an attitude. Sooyoung rolls her eyes and turns to continue walking. Jinsoul groans and chases after her. Sooyoung doesn’t pay attention to her as she lists out the things she wants to buy with her whopping forty-seven dollars. Jinsoul gets annoyed that Sooyoung is ignoring her after being so sweet at the arcade but continues to follow her despite having no idea where the girl is taking her.

Jinsoul mentions something about getting a new pair of jeans and shouts when Sooyoung changes her direction, “hey!” The girl crosses the street without even checking if Jinsoul was following her. But Jinsoul does, because she doesn’t like how lonely it is when she isn’t with Sooyoung. This girl was burning up her time nowadays, unlike any other friend Jinsoul’s ever had.

She grimaces at the thought of being friends. God, she was even thinking nicely about Sooyoung after so long of trying not to. “Are you even listening to me?” Jinsoul asks the taller girl and feels her blood boil when Sooyoung turns to her finally.

“Hmm did you say something?” Jinsoul clenches her fists and glares at the girl walking faster than her. She’s been talking this whole time and Sooyoung chooses to ignore her existence for no reason except to annoy her. 

Crossing her arms she decides to just shut up since there was no point anyways. When she’s too preoccupied staring at her shoes, Jinsoul squeaks when her elbow is pulled roughly. She grumbles and fights against Sooyoung’s hold until she realizes she’s in a restaurant. 

Or...a cheap ass buffet. 

Dim lighting(except for the buzzing _ hot food _ neon sign), a pungent smell, tired looking workers. A few lone eaters, it was an absolute shit hole. Jinsoul stares at a lone lobster crawling around on the ground before a worker stops and throws it back into the tank. Cross that, they were in another universe.

“I thought we were going somewhere fancy?”

“We are...buffets don’t get better than this one.” Sooyoung says innocently, “see they even have lobsters.” Jinsoul makes sure Sooyoung isn’t being sarcastic by giving her a questionable look, but no the girl was dead serious. “You’re paying right?” Jinsoul narrows her eyes further. She was not spending her hard earned cash at Planet Food. The smelly space themed buffet.

But Sooyoung is persistent. “We can both eat until we explode and you’ll have enough money to buy those jeans you were talking about.” See that’s one thing Jinsoul hates about Sooyoung, that she listens carefully while pretending she’s not. Sooyoung doesn’t look at her or even acknowledges her presence but somehow remembers the little things. 

“They won’t fit after this…”

“Of course they will, they’ll just be a bit tight.”

Jinsoul rolls her eyes as Sooyoung gets the attention of a waiter, they go to their seats and are given some plates. After Jinsoul stacks her plate high with noodles and tteokbokki she comes back to sit seeing that Sooyoung’s plate is full of chicken. Sooyoung smiles at her, “knew you were a noodle girl.” Jinsoul grimaces when Sooyoung takes a big bite out of the chicken, grossed out by the lack of manners. 

She glares at the girl across from her chowing down on some chicken. Jinsoul takes a bite of her noodles and moans. “Holy shit these are amazing.” Jinsoul gasps and digs her chopsticks back in. Sooyoung proudly smiles with a mouthful of chewed up meat as Jinsoul slurps the fuck out of some questionably delicious noodles and rice cakes. 

Jinsoul is halfway through her plate when she hears a giggle from across the table. Looking up she slurps down a mouthful of noodles and knots her brows. “Hmph wha is it.” Jinsoul asks the girl almost choking on her food from trying not to laugh.

Sooyoung waves her off but Jinsoul kicks her under the table making Sooyoung’s eyes pop out from pain. The girl swallows down her food and grabs her injured shin, “n-nothing it’s n…” Sooyoung starts out and begins to laugh again, “it’s just you eat so aggressively.” Sooyoung cracks up as Jinsoul’s features continue to be straight laced, she’s not amused at all. Sooyoung was such a jerk. 

“Do you know when you take a bite your eyes get really wide and-here let me just show you.” Jinsoul gives her a death glare as Sooyoung mimics her eating habits. The girl across the table takes a big bite while opening her eyes up really wide. Sooyoung can’t even finish chewing as she starts to laugh.

“Do that ever again and I’ll kill you.” 

Sooyoung giggles and of course repeats the action, making fun of her. Jinsoul can feel her tummy twirl in embarrassment and her face heats up. “Sooyoung.” Her eyes twitch as she groans out the name and the girl grabs her stomach from laughing so hard. Jinsoul hates being mocked, especially by Sooyoung. 

The girl across from her holds up her hand, blocking out her death glare. “Stop looking at me like that!” Sooyoung whines and Jinsoul breaks into a smile. Ugh, why was her voice so cute when she did that. 

“I’m gonna kill you.” Jinsoul repeats, because she really might just do it. There’s something dangerous in the way Sooyoung makes her feel so Jinsoul has to destroy it before it consumes her...or even worse. Hurts her. It’s illegal how cute Sooyoung’s smile is, how addicting it is hearing her laugh even when Jinsoul’s the butt of the joke. But she can’t help it. She really does admire this girl. Sooyoung’s one of those bad things that feels so good.

But Jinsoul’s always been one to make bad choices.

Sooyoung calms down but her cheeks are still stretched by that perfect smile, Jinsoul can’t stop glancing down at chicken grease covered lips. “There’s people watching, are you sure?” 

Jinsoul nods surely, “I don’t care, next thing you know they’ll be serving Sooyoung at the dessert bar.” 

“Oh I’m sure you’d love a piece.” Sooyoung teases as Jinsoul groans in response. The girl starts to laugh again and Jinsoul can’t help but join in. 

“God I can’t stand you.” Jinsoul tells her seriously and she can’t. Sooyoung makes her tummy and chest feel funny. It’s something Jinsoul’s never experienced in her life. She can’t stand it the way Sooyoung’s got such a hold on her. It’s always the other way around for Jinsoul. She’s the one in control but Sooyoung makes her wanna give it all away. 

Jinsoul shyly looks down at her hands in her lap, twiddling her fingers. Why was her heart racing so damn fast? This was so stupid...maybe it’s because Sooyoung was so annoying.

Below the table she feels something rub against her calf, she realizes it’s Sooyoung. Jinsoul blushes widly, getting so worked up over an innocent game as footsie was. But what she didn’t know was the much more dangerous game Sooyoung was building. She doesn’t know because she doesn’t catch the bite of Sooyoung’s lip or the soft groan that comes out of the girl’s mouth when Jinsoul’s gasps at the minor contact under the table. Jinsoul’s too focused on staring at her sweaty hands clasped together.

“Tell me something you like.”

Jinsoul looks up at the question and stares into Sooyoung’s soft black eyes. She finds herself getting lost in them.

_ You. The way you look at me. _

She clears her throat before answering, “I like fashion. It’s kinda a comfort thing for me.” Jinsoul has always liked clothes, since her first pair of boots to her most recent turtleneck. She likes that if she really wanted to, she could keep any of her clothes forever. The longer she has them the more she falls in love with them and the harder it is to part with them. Even though they may no longer fit or are too torn to be wearable she still hated to throw something out. 

There’s this one sweater she adores. It’s old and stretched, not as pretty as when she first got it several years ago. But it’s soft and she has a lot of memories with it. She remembers it was the only sweater she had for a few months and she’d get made fun of for wearing it so much. But Jinsoul loved it and she didn’t mind that it had a few tears in it’s fabric.

Sure, the new feeling when she goes shopping is a different kinda love. But she loves that sweater like no other. 

She wants to find that kinda love in a person.

Jinsoul asks Sooyoung the same thing and the girl smirks before glancing around, “I think I’m addicted to candy.” Sooyoung answers and Jinsoul agrees, she always sees either a sucker hanging from the girl's lips, or a piece of gum stuck between her teeth when she gives her that arrogant smile. Jinsoul doesn’t know how Sooyoung’s teeth are still that white and shiny after all that sugar. Maybe it’s because she’s an avid brusher and gets rid of the lingering taste every night before bed.

Sooyoung likes to eat candy without even checking the wrapper, opening it straight up to stick into her mouth. She likes the surprise of flavor and textures with every lick and bite.

She likes candy that doesn’t last too long, it’s a short-lived sweetness that leaves her warm and wanting more. Maybe a new flavor, sour, sweeter, or maybe even bitter. It’s that tiny moment of satisfaction that leaves her coming back for more. But she hates when candy doesn’t melt on her tongue quick enough, when the same taste sticks around too long, it’s boring and a bit irritating. It leaves her teeth aching and she doesn’t eat for a while, until the craving comes back full force.Then she finds a new piece that’s sweeter than ever before.

It’s the same way she likes women. Sweet but never lasting. But sometimes they become bitter and linger too long.

Sooyoung doesn’t think she’ll ever have a favorite candy.

Jinsoul watches closely as Sooyoung flags a server down asking for a check, she goes to get her winning money but the girl in front of her already slides a bill down. Jinsoul quirks a brow up and shivers when Sooyoung locks their calves together under the table. She doesn’t know why it feels like they’ve done this before. Sooyoung's touch used to make her feel uncomfortable but now it’s safe...even though her heart still beats at a dangerous pace.

“Let’s get you to your doll house barbie.” 

Jinsoul’s a bit skeptical so she tries to make Sooyoung leave her behind at the train station, but the girl is persistent. Telling her it’s too dark for a girl like her to walk alone. Jinsoul wants to tell her she’s had a fair share of busting creeps to pieces, but she also likes Sooyoung’s company. So she silently lets the girl lead her into one of the cars.

When they get on the shaky train the older girl pulls her to a seat, since Jinsoul had a hard time navigating through the rumbles at first. It reminds her of the first night they met, when even she was giving Sooyoung a piece of her mind, the girl still reached out to help her.

Jinsoul is sitting a little ways away, staring at Sooyoung’s profile. It’s attractive, the dip of her nose and the curve of her jawline. So much so that Sooyoung feels the eyes boring into her cheek. The older girl has her head leaned back and peaks an eye open. Jinsoul frowns at the snort Sooyoung lets out, soon the girl is putting up her hand, “take a picture, it'll last longer.” Sooyoung mumbles.

The blonde chooses to be silent, so of course Sooyoung keeps running her mouth. “Kinda like the first time we met huh, except you're less annoying.” Sooyoung laughs at her blank expression. “Whaaa don’t give me that look, just saying, you were like,obsessed with me.” Jinsoul swallows tightly, it was nothing but obsession, now she’s not sure what it is that draws her to Sooyoung. “The silence was very nice at first but now you’re creeping me out.” Sooyoung sighs out and stares at her with a raised brow. Jinsoul’s never been this quiet, but her thoughts are so loud she doesn’t know what to say.

So she just voices them. “I was.” Jinsoul admits something she promised she wouldn’t. “I’ve been obsessed with you from the moment I saw your score.” Sooyoung’s smirk drops and she turns her full undivided attention to her. A stark contrast(and similarity) from the first night. “I was jealous of you, at first only because that you were better than me at the game I love.” Jinsoul mumbles, twiddling her fingers together. “But after I met you I was jealous over everything about you. You’re everything I want to be.”

Sooyoung is giving her a strange look, so Jinsoul continues. “You seem so sure of yourself and you know exactly what you're worth.” 

“When my whole life I’ve been trying to prove mine...when I really don’t even know myself.” Jinsoul let’s a bit of vulnerability show. She’s never thought highly of herself. All though it seems she has a mountain high confidence. She thinks if she proves to someone she’s worth it, maybe she’ll feel that way too. “That’s why I got so angry at you in the beginning, cause you treated me the way I see myself. Not worth a second of anyone’s time because I’m so...you know.” Clutters of negative words appear in her thoughts, but all she can do is look at Sooyoung.

Jinsoul sighs and breaks the eye contact they’re having. That’s the thing about Sooyoung, she makes Jinsoul feel like she’s worth a bit of time. “It killed me that you wanted nothing to do with me, when all I had been thinking about was you you you.” Jinsoul giggles to herself and closes her eyes, “I liked the thought of becoming friends with you and playing together. But it also scared me, because what if you didn’t want that.” Jinsoul’s thankful that wasn’t the case, “You really were everything I imagined, but you hadn’t imagined me at all.” 

She looks over at Sooyoung and the girl has a locked jaw. Some emotion in her eye that Jinsoul can’t pinpoint on. She doesn’t know what Sooyoung’s hiding, or if she’s not hiding anything at all. That all her assumptions are right, but it shouldn’t matter now. Because Sooyoung’s right here, in front of her. “I was only a bitch ‘cause nothing I said affected you, it was the only way to get you to pay attention to me.” 

Jinsoul smiles and reaches over to grab Sooyoung’s wrist, squeezing it. Letting her know she’s telling the truth. “I don’t actually hate you.” She sees something similar to relief cross Sooyoung’s face, “I just like seeing that you don’t really want me too.” Sooyoung’s the type of person that everyone likes, and Jinsoul’s afraid that she’ll be the one that Sooyoung doesn’t like back. However, it’s been nothing but reassuring however, seeing how hard Sooyoung tries to get Jinsoul to like her.

“Thanks for sticking around and being nice to me Sooyoung.”

The blonde pulls away her hand, loosening her grip. But Sooyoung grabs it back and holds on tightly. “You know Jinsoul, I had no intention of ever coming back to that arcade.” Sooyoung tells her and Jinsoul relishes how soft the girl’s palm is against her wrist. “But I couldn’t stop thinking about you either.” Jinsoul blushes deeply and turns away shyly. “There’s something about you.” Jinsoul’s eyes sparkle into Sooyoung’s and they forget about the weird man laying on the floor down the car. They can only see each other. To Sooyoung, Jinsoul’s a strange foreign feeling to her. “Thank you...for being honest.”

A flavor Sooyoung’s never had before.

Something that she doesn’t mind if it sticks around for too long.

Maybe forever.

~~~~

Somehow, Sooyoung’s blazer gets stuck over her shoulders. Jinsoul has her hands in the pockets, feeling all the old candy wrappers and a lighter or two. It’s not chilly, but Sooyoung seemed to notice the goosebumps on her arms.

They walk through one of the neighborhoods on the outskirts of the city. Brick buildings and townhouses repeat every so often. Street lamps either flicker or buzz, too dull to be considered aid to light up the dark sidewalks. Jinsoul counts the cracks in pavement as she steps over them, and hears the faint splash of water from a gutter nearby.

She’s close to her home, close enough to see that her sister is bopping around in her room due to shadow against the window.

Jinsoul stops them there and slips off the blazer, the walk had been quiet. Both of them too caught up in their thoughts to make sense of them. The new found confessions have both of them trying to figure out what to do next. Jinsoul doesn’t know if she should go back to pretending to hate Sooyoung, or not pretending at all.

“Thanks, loser. I’ll see you around.” Jinsoul says softly into the night air and turns to leave Sooyoung behind. But she’s stopped when Sooyoung grabs the back of her overalls and drags her back. Sooyoung wasn’t ready to leave this night behind...not yet.

Jinsoul huffs and turns around before pushing Sooyoung off of her, irritated at the man-handling. “Can I have your number barbie?” Sooyoung’s really tall in those heels and Jinsoul has to tilt her head up to make eye contact. Sooyoung’s. The older girl’s stare is warm, and longing. Like she’s eager to see more of the blonde, she wants more. There’s not enough of this sweet flavor. 

It’s like there’s cheesy rom-com music being played by the universe right now. But Jinsoul snorts and takes the record of the turntable and smashes it against the nearest wall. “No.”

Sooyoung’s stare softens and she even pouts up. Even though it’s adorable it doesn’t change Jinsoul’s mind. Not even when Sooyoung whines, “huh?”

“No Sooyoung, you may not have my number.”

The older girl seems confused, as if she’s never been rejected before. As if that’s the stupidest thing that could ever happen...if it was even possible for her to get rejected. Ha Sooyoung never gets blown off, she’s always the one to do that. 

So Jinsoul spells it out for her, so it makes more sense. That it’s totally possible that she won’t get what she wants, “N-O...here want me to say it in italian too? No.” 

Sooyoung becomes like a little baby, ready to throw it’s tantrum. “Come on don’t be like that I want your number.”

Jinsoul crosses her arms, “and I want a tommy dress but we can’t always have the things we want.”

The older girl bounces on her feet and down turns her lips. Slumping fully over so that she’s face to face with Jinsoul. “Pleaseee.” 

“Why? So you can be weird and call me in the middle of the night to ask me if my refrigerator is running?” Sooyoung laughs at that and swings around, amused but also tore up that Jinsoul is being so stubborn. “Seriously. I’m not risking it for you to be annoying and run my phone bill up.”

Sooyoung smiles and claps her hands together, pulling them to her chest in a _ pretty please  _ pose. The older girl even tilts her head and flutters her eyelashes, “but what if I wanna see you? Or just talk.”

Jinsoul starts to back away, “you know where to find me.”

Sooyoung follows after her, “what if you’re not there?”

The blonde shrugs, “not my problem.”

“Ugh Jinsoul you’re gonna be the death of me.”

_ Not if you don’t kill me first Sooyoung. _

“Goodnight Sooyoung, see ya soon.”

“When is soon?”

Jinsoul rolls her eyes, god this girl is persistent, but she can’t deny. She loves how eager Sooyoung is to see her again. She loves how Sooyoung wants to see her again...soon at that. “Next saturday.”

Sooyoung shakes her head seriously, “not soon enough.”

Jinsoul groans, “can’t help it babe, I got a life.” Sooyoung bites her lip at the pet name and stops following after Jinsoul, thinking that she’ll finally leave her alone for the night. Sooyoung softly groans and begins walking backwards, making Jinsoul stop to watch her go.

It’s always weirdly painful watching Sooyoung leave.

“Fine.” Sooyoung growls and shakes her head. Upset that she wasn’t given more candy to chew on. Jinsoul waves sarcastically at Sooyoung and goes to spin on her heel before a series of numbers is called out to her. She freezes and listens to everyone of them, soon realizing it’s Sooyoung’s number. “Better remember that.” Sooyoung commands and Jinsoul rolls her eyes dramatically, “I know you will...see ya soon princess.”

Sooyoung does leave then, turning and walking down into the darkness.

Jinsoul turns and races to her house. As she’s ripping her sneakers off another body appears in front of her. She looks up and groans when she sees her mom's sparkling eyes. She knows exactly what she’s gonna ask, “who’s your friend sweetie?” Jinsoul blushes, that knowing tone of her mother’s kills her.

“A friend mom.”

Her mom makes a tiny noise of happiness, “hmmm a Yoojung friend or a,”  _ please don’t say that name please don’t say that name,  _ “Xiaowei kinda friend.” Jinsoul looks up with a death glare and a grimace as her mother wiggles her brows. 

“A friend mom, just a friend.” Jinsoul groans and pushes past her mother. She ignores her name being called out and skips up the stairs. 

That sweater Jinsoul was talking about? Yeah the one she couldn’t ever let go? That was  _ her  _ sweater. It leaves a sick feeling in her tummy. But she ignores that feeling and fishes for her diary.

Beside of Sooyoung’s picture in her diary...she’s not getting into the reason why a picture of Sooyoung is in there. She writes down the digits that were just relayed to her. For well...

No reason why.

~~~~

An alarm pierces through Sooyoung’s dream of red and blue. Flashing neon lights and 8bit tracks all surround the familiar flow of blonde...her eyes crack open, pissed that she couldn’t live in the fantasy forever. Sooyoung slings her arm over to slam her fist down onto the annoying clock. 7:30 every morning Monday-Saturday...she’d only have to work till Friday if she got everything done in time. 

She used to love it (she still does), creating her own little worlds through coding. Controlling movement with her own hands and made up numbers. Her favorite part was the painting, doodling, just drawing her ideas onto paper. Bringing them to life with textured lines and color. Sooyoung could do whatever she wanted in those worlds...be whoever she wanted.

When Sooyoung first started working she was given a lot of freedom and helped develop a hit game. Only for her name not to be in the credits. The big corporate guy saw her potential and how imaginative she was and made her the creative director of this new game they were doing. Oh, she was also the head in the software development.. and the coding.

Sooyoung felt like she couldn’t breathe, because she had to make sure everyone else had enough air before she could check for herself.

Sure it was still fun, but there were too many deadlines, not enough time to think outside of the box. It was this and that, to that and this. It was about the money now and Sooyoung liked being paid, but she liked being happy too.

She used to be, when she was eager to graduate and show her worth. Only for it to be poured down the drain. She lost her passion almost a year ago when all this had started.

So she tried finding it again by doing what she loved the most. What started it all. Playing games late into the night at the arcade. Instead she found Jung Jinsoul, who wasn’t exactly what she was looking for. 

But just what she needed.

Jinsoul made her feel worth it and Sooyoung knew that was a dangerous feeling to have. She shouldn’t feel that good when that girl smiles at her. 

The blonde had that cheerfulness that she wishes she had. She isn’t afraid of being exactly who she is. It makes Sooyoung feel safe, and makes her feel alive. Being around her was like having one of those energy pills but after Sooyoung would part she’d noticed that most of the stress that was weighted upon her shoulders had vanished and she’d become more relaxed than if she had a couple hits from a bong. 

Sooyoung can’t ruin this.

Jinsoul’s too good of a friend.

So she turns to the girl beside her who groans at being awakened. Sooyoung smirks and kisses her lazily on her lips before slipping out of the warmth and into her chilly bedroom. As she slips her underwear back on she snorts at something the girl mumbles underneath the sheets and heads to the bathroom.

After a quick shower she fixes her hair and starts to brush her teeth. Sooyoung stares at her own naked body through the mirror, she might need to up her diet again. She doesn’t know how she’s gotten skinnier when she eats donuts every night before bed. 

Tracing the outlines of her waist she pokes at a memory.

It’s a nasty scar that stretches across the left side of her rib cage right under her breast. It’s deep and rugged, pale and thinner than the rest of her skin around it. Sooyoung pauses brushing her teeth, digging her finger tip into the scar, suddenly aware of the screws and plate in her jaw from when it was broken. 

She looks into the mirror, and presses into the part of the weak tissue where the pain remains. Sooyoung blinks, her reflection is not what it seems.  _ A swollen black eye and bloodied nose. Her jaw is numb and swollen as well. Her fingers are bruised but shake near the deep gash in her side, the blood spilled until frantic hands placed a cold rag on top, holding it tight there before finally getting to the hospital. _

_ Sooyoung is left there alone for days in that bed, trying to heal from something that she will never recover from. _

_ She was only 17. _

The door to the bathroom opens and Sooyoung jumps from the flashback. Jennie, her part time lover, raises a brow. “Did I interrupt something?” Sooyoung sighs and shakes her head and Jennie slips into the bathroom to clean up herself. 

Tugging up her work pants, Jennie makes it back in time to help her put on her shirt and tie. Something that Sooyoung has never really learned how to do. The girl smiles lazily at her as she fixes her attire up. “There, you big baby.” 

Sooyoung mumbles out a thanks before falling back onto her bed. Jennie sits beside her and starts to rub on one of her thighs. Sooyoung knows what’s about to come and dreads it. Kim Jennie, fashion model with a secret life. Sooyoung was a big part of that secret life. And in turn Jennie knew all her secrets. “You okay Sooyoung?”

She closes her eyes, “yeah yeah I’m fine.”

Jennie was extremely observant even though she seemed disinterested 99% of the time. She was a good match for her, but a long time ago Sooyoung established that she’d never settle for a girl. Not even one as perfect as Jennie. “It was really good last night.” Sooyoung smirks knowingly and opens her eyes back up to stare at Jennie who in turn rolls her eyes.

Raising back up Sooyoung teases, “is it not really good every time?”

Jennie laughs lightly as Sooyoung starts to ghost kisses over the curve of her neck and grabs onto the girl’s collar before pushing her away. “It is...but last night was different.” Jennie says cautiously, “you were frustrated.” Sooyoung blushes at the remark and fully pulls away. She doesn’t like being rough but things have been getting to her lately, poor Jennie got those build up tensions let out on her.

“I’m not complaining, you know I like it like that.” Jennie mumbles seductively but then turns serious, “but I wanna know what’s got you all stressed out.” 

Sooyoung sighs tiredly, “it’s just work-”

“It just work I know, I know…” Jennie cuts her off, “it was just work too when you fucked my best friend.” Sooyoung glares at her. Back then when things were still fresh between them Sooyoung had ‘ _ accidentally _ ’ slept with Lisa, one of Jennie’s foreign model friends. “But I forgave you for playing me like a fool, because I knew it wasn’t  _ just work. _ ” 

That’s what Sooyoung loved about Jennie. She was a calm soul and in turn a great friend. She was the one thing Sooyoung didn’t end up ruining. Sure Jennie had bitched her out for a while about it but they established this kind of relationship. It’s easy between them, whenever they were feeling lonely they’d always return to each other.

Sooyoung knows she can trust Jennie. “I made a new friend.” 

Jennie perks up at that and fixes her hair, “yeah? Tell me about them.”

Sooyoung looks around, trying to stop the blush to appear on her face. “I met her at an arcade.” 

“Oooh does she work there or play?” Jennie asks seriously and Sooyoung finds herself forgetting that she’s supposed to be going to work.

But all she can think about is Jinsoul, “she plays, she’s really good too.” 

The girl beside her narrows her eyes, “what’s she like?”

Going silent Sooyoung lays out all her memories of Jinsoul. “She’s...” Jinsoul’s many things, hotheaded, confident, a bit superficial, ambitious, very mean...sweet, thoughtful, smart, patient with her and caring just so, “amazing. She’s amazing.” Sooyoung finishes and turns to Jennie, already knowing she’s made a mistake. 

Jennie squints her eyes, “is this a new friend or conquest?” Sooyoung’s smile drops and she pouts up making Jennie laugh loudly, “Sooyoung jeez I’m kidding!” Sooyoung continues to sulk as Jennie shakes her, “but don’t deny that you’re a womanizer and you totally have a crush on her!”

Sooyoung groans, “shut up I do not!” Jennie tilts her head questionably, “okay fine she’s attractive or whatever but she’s also a good person I don’t want to ruin whatever this is.” Sooyoung rambles out trying to save her case. At first Jinsoul was a conquest because she would be such a challenge for Sooyoung to break. But after hanging around her more Sooyoung didn’t want to lose her which happens most of the time during her little games.

She’d break girls hearts just for the hell of it. Sooyoung never really did care about them in the end when she was done, it was fun and she was never the one to get hurt. 

It was better to not commit. Sooyoung learned the hard way how dangerous that could be. So she’d pursue girls, they’d either fall in love with her or get sick of her unfaithfulness. Either way Sooyoung had to cut them off. 

“Then don’t ruin it. That's simple.” Jennie quips and starts to get back under the cover. For some reason Sooyoung didn’t like that answer, “Sooyoung just don’t woo her. You need more friends anyways.” Jennie is being dead serious. Because she can already tell how into this girl Sooyoung is. She’s never handled Sooyoung with a broken heart and she’d rather not.

“She’s different.” Sooyoung mumbles. She doesn’t want Jinsoul falling for her because she doesn’t know if she’d be able to cut her off.

Sooyoung doesn’t know if she’d fall too.

“You’re right, I’ll just keep my hands to myself.” Sooyoung says sleazily and Jennie groans. The girl reminded her a bit of Jinsoul. Well the way they started. In an argument, but Sooyoung realized that was only what got Jennie going and Sooyoung didn’t know how to resist. “Besides she’s straight and clueless, I don’t think it will ever come to that.” 

Jennie raises back up and licks her lips, “I was straight and clueless once too and you saw what happened.” Sooyoung leans in but she’s pushed away by a dainty hand. “Don’t hurt this girl Sooyoung, you’re lucky I’m still around.” She knows Jennie is right, so she’ll just resist the temptation that Jinsoul is. 

If Sooyoung did give in to her desires then she could lose Jinsoul forever, just like Seola. She’d end up breaking the blonde’s heart no matter how much she liked her. Sooyoung just couldn’t dedicate herself to someone. She couldn’t take that risk no matter what. 

She’d keep her distance from Jinsoul, it’s untelling what would happen if she got too close. She’ll be able to...Jennie’s fingers and lips was good enough to satisfy her. The evidence being the claw marks on the girls back and the bruised teeth print on her shoulder when Sooyoung bit away her screams.

“I’m off, you know where the spare key is.” Sooyoung tells Jennie and gathers her things, “I won’t be back until late.” Jennie mumbles something back, already falling back asleep. 

Sooyoung leaves her in the sheets and hopes she isn’t there when she returns.

~~~~

Sometimes Jinsoul can’t get over how cute Jiwoo can be. She stops by the library and drags the girl out since she’s getting off anyway and holds her hand as they walk to her house. Jiwoo nervously rambles on as Jinsoul squeezes her hand making her speak faster than normal. The blonde was an expert at making friends when she really wanted to.

Jinsoul was sweet to Jiwoo from the start. The girl was absolutely adorable. How could Jinsoul be the slightest bit mean to her. When they’re back in the safety of Jinsoul’s cluttered room(Jiwoo gawks at the countless figurines and posters, the books and gadgets for the hundredth time) the blonde squeezes the girl’s cheeks and throws her on her bed with the hoard of pillows and plushies.

“Wow Jinsoul forgot you were a huge geek!” Jiwoo says innocently and Jinsoul glares, the blonde turns on her tiny little RCA tv and fiddles with the antennas before changing it onto the channel. She and Jiwoo’s got a weekly routine now, they watch the new episodes of Jem and The Holograms when they come on and rave about it until late at night.

The past few weeks have been at Jiwoo’s but they thought they’d go to Jinsoul’s today. Jiwoo gets comfy back into the pillows as Jinsoul throws her some cuddly pink pajamas, the ones matching Jinsoul’s baby blue pair.

Chit-Chatting about boys and rubbing their toes together while holding hands(since that’s what girls do at sleepovers) Jinsoul squeals when she hears the theme song play on. The two jump up from the bed and start to spin in each other's arms singing along. Jiwoo’s a bit sweaty...being close to a pretty girl as Jinsoul is a bit nerve-wracking, but the blonde was like her only friend weirdly enough, so she tried to keep her homoeroticness a secret.

They sit way too close to the tv, laying on the bellies even though the carpet rubs their skin annoyingly. Jiwoo has her feet up into the air rocking them back and forth while Jinsoul cuddles into a care bear.

The episode ends way too quickly and Jinsoul rolls onto her back. “Wanna watch Sixteen Candles?” Jiwoo nods at her offer and the blonde struggles to get up, but not before grabbing Jiwoo’s butt a little too provocatively to be considered friendly. Jiwoo squeaks and rolls over to give Jinsoul a confused look. Jinsoul only giggles like a pervert “sorry it’s just so cute.”

Jiwoo blushes at the wink she’s thrown and Jinsoul skips out of the room to grab the VCR. Jiwoo sighs and starts to chant inside her head.  _ She’s just a straight girl with gay hands she’s just a straight girl with gay hands she’s just…a girl with really nice hands with long fingers and they’re soft and- _

_ OH JIWOO ONLY IN YOUR DREAMS. _

Okay, so maybe Jiwoo had the slightest crush on Jinsoul, how could she not. Jinsoul was gorgeous and sweet and smelt like heaven. She was everything nice tripled. But Jiwoo wasn’t delusional. She didn’t actually have a crush on Jinsoul, she just liked when the blonde would call her pretty and squeeze her cheeks.

Both the ones on her face and her bottom.

Closing her eyes she thinks about how much she loves Jinsoul. The blonde was kinda the whole world to her. She felt bad for having a lot of...inappropriate fantasies about her in the beginning but now she really couldn’t see Jinsoul other than a really good friend.

She blows her bangs out of her eyes when she starts to daydream about Jinsoul’s almond shaped eyes and decides to peak around her room. The redhead shuffles onto her feet and closely observes the posters on Jinsoul’s walls and ceilings. The blonde didn’t have one poster of a man except Prince, oh there’s a billy idol one too.

Jiwoo giggles at a lot of the little knick-knacks on Jinsoul’s desk before opening up a notebook. Jiwoo’s heart drops to her tummy and her face goes ghost pale.

“No fucking w-”

“Ayyyy I got the VCR babes ready to get our HEY DON’T LOOK AT THAT!” Jinsoul screams and pounces towards Jiwoo before sitting the VCR down gently. Okay, maybe Jiwoo is wrong. Because there’s no way Jinsoul is fully straight when she has an old picture of Ha Sooyoung(the one she ripped from the newspaper) taped into the notebook with a heart drawn around it several times in several shades of pink.

Jiwoo should be mad at the fact that Jinsoul dismantled some good library material. But no Jiwoo is mad at the fact Jinsoul’s even involved with that asshole. Jiwoo’s painful feeling in her tummy isn’t jealousy, she’s had that plenty of times when she  _ thought  _ she was dating Ha Sooyoung only to find out she was ‘ _ dating’  _ five different girls including her. No, Jiwoo was deathly afraid.

She didn’t want Jinsoul getting hurt.

Of course this was almost four years ago when Jiwoo was just starting out in college and a student helper at the library and Sooyoung was a second year. The girl was a lot more promiscuous when she was nineteen so she may be different now. But Jiwoo doubts it, Sooyoung actually didn’t hide the fact that she was a cold hearted jerk nowadays. 

They fight over the book for a few minutes before it tears in half. Jiwoo has the half where Sooyoung is so lovingly cherished with a rainbow of pink and glitter. Jinsoul has the half where Sooyoung’s eyes are crossed in x’s and there’s a few dart punctures in her stupid face. Jiwoo looks down, this picture was taken when Sooyoung was in her final year. When just about everyone at that school was in love with her because she was so sweet and pretty.

Sooyoung was the epitome of chic now. She was no longer that girl with the warm smile from Busan. She was cold and all aloof, fitting right into the narrow streets of Seoul. 

Holding her side up Jiwoo questions seriously, “explain please!”

Jinsoul blushes and looks around, “it’s a photo…”

“Of who?” Jiwoo furrows her brow when Jinsoul mutters under her breath, “I CAN’T HEAR YOU JINSOUL!”

“ITS A PHOTO OF HA FUCKING SOOYOUNG!”

They stare at each other for a second before Jiwoo sits the picture down. Going to flop on Jinsoul’s bed she starts to ramble out, “Jinsoul are you just friends with her?”

The blonde wobbles over to lay next to her. Jiwoo peaks at her with one eye and Jinsoul shyly mutters out, “not really, we kinda hate each other, sorta.” Jiwoo relaxes at that, “why? Is it not a good thing to be friends with her?”

Jiwoo quickly shakes her head. No, Ha Sooyoung was an amazing friend...but that was it. If she was asked for anything more the girl would turn stale on in the blink of an eye and push whoever far away. Jiwoo regrets it because she misses Sooyoung’s friendship more than anything. She remembers vividly, her telling Sooyoung she was in love with her after the girl had *beep* the lights out of her. 

Sooyoung had grimaced and turned her cheek. Clearly uncomfortable. 

_ You know you can’t fall for me. _

_ Since I’ll never fall for you. _

Jiwoo blinks the memory away since it was painful. Not only did she ruin the chance she had with Sooyoung, but she also lost her as a friend. Sooyoung had said before that the sex was only for fun and they should keep it that way. Jiwoo should have listened to her. But how could she when Sooyoung was borderline perfect. The only flaw being that she would never open up those walls of hers and trust someone for once. 

“No no it’s not that.” Jiwoo says and turns to face Jinsoul. She’s equally afraid of it happening with her. What if the universe was evil and someone as perfect as Jinsoul was a homophobe, still even if she was, Jiwoo thinks she’d like to know if her best friend would hate her. “When I tell you this promise not to tell anyone else ever I mean EVER.”

Jinsoul blinks and holds out her pinky, “of course babe lay it on me.” Jiwoo blushes at the words and locks pinkies with Jinsoul. The blonde kisses hers and Jiwoo shudders at the softness of Jinsoul’s lips. She’s praying to god this isn’t the last time Jinsoul’s looks at her in that way.

“I’m gay.”

Jiwoo’s heart stops for a second, but then beats wildly when Jinsoul’s eyes sparkle. “Okay.” That’s all Jinsoul says at first but then she raises a brow, “that’s like cool or whatever but what the hell does it gotta do with that loser Sooyoung.” Jiwoo shakes a bit...ugh she could kiss Jinsoul right now. Too she thinks Sooyoung is a loser so it might not be as serious as she initially thought.

“You don’t care?” Jiwoo asks her.

Jinsoul’s face slumps, “my two best friends are gay Jiwoo...now it’s three of course I don’t care.” Jiwoo goes all heart eyes and Jinsoul squeals, “AWE YOU’RE ADORBS but. seriously. What’s up?” 

Jiwoo takes a deep breath, “I kinda used to date Sooyoung.” Okay now that visibly affects Jinsoul and Jiwoo starts to worry again. “And I don’t know Jinsoul...”

“Whaaa iz it, you can tell me.” Jinsoul urges and Jiwoo starts to question if she should even tell her friend or not. What if she was blowing it out of proportion? Or if wooing Jinsoul wasn’t even Sooyoung’s intentions.

Jiwoo wiggles her nose, “has she told you she’s liked girls yet?

The blonde swallows hard, “she told me she had a boyfriend.” Jiwoo sighs in relief, that means Sooyoung wasn’t actively pursuing Jinsoul, yet. She was probably trying to see if Jinsoul was chill like she did moments ago, either that or wasn’t interested. But then again Jiwoo knows Sooyoung’s type, Jinsoul would be her dream girl.

Jiwoo nods and scoots closer, “well she’s like extremely closeted so don’t like bring it up or anything unless she does.” Jiwoo doesn’t know the full story, but Sooyoung’s experienced violence in the past. From her family and strangers. The girl was extremely private and careful. Jiwoo thinks that's the main reason she never commits to anyone. “I, I don’t think it will happen with you but um...but-”

Jinsoul groans and squeezes her waist, “c’mon Jiwoo stop blue balling me here spit it out!”

“She’s notorious for um, seducing straight girls.”

The redhead was once upon a time straight. Until a tan and lanky Sooyoung with braces and long silky hair came into her life. Sooyoung’s eyes were pretty and Jiwoo of course got lost in them. While losing her heart as well. 

The game Sooyoung played was simple and well known around campus back in the day. She liked to get friendly first then it would become more intimate before finally banging said girl. Then it’d either end peacefully with them becoming friends and moving past it...because Sooyoung would always tell them it didn’t mean anything. Or the poor girl would fall hopelessly in love with Sooyoung along the way only to see a side they could never imagine. 

“Oh...um.”

“Seriously Jinsoul, she’s a player, and her favorite game is breaking hearts. Pretty sure she’s the world record holder.”

Jinsoul rolls her eyes and Jiwoo’s unsure if Sooyoung’s magic would ever work on her. Jiwoo realizes that she may have nothing to worry about. “Please, even if she was gonna try that bullshit with me you think I’d actually let her? Besides I’m one hundred percent straight the thought of even being with that loser…” Jinsoul fakes a gag and Jiwoo simply raises a brow. “Ew Jiwoo. Ew.” 

Jiwoo grabs Jinsoul’s face to make sure her point gets across, “listen Jinsoul you may think there’s not a chance but Sooyoung's very charming and good at what she does, it will feel like she’s in love with you and like you’re the only girl in the world that matters.” Jinsoul’s eyes get a little glossy, “if anything weird starts to happen...don’t give in. Cut it off as soon as it begins, trust me she’s not someone you won’t want to get involved with...or lose. She’s a good friend to keep around but a terrible lover.”

The blonde’s cutely shaped eyes bore into her own, all watery and stuff. Jiwoo pulls away, “but I wouldn’t worry about it.” Surely, Jinsoul’s stubborn enough not to fall into an easy trap like that.

“Yeah…”Jinsoul mumbles out, “I hate her or whatever.”

“That’s why you have a picture of her surrounded by a heart?” 

“That was a joke. Please.” Jinsoul mutters and then pouts up at her cute friend, “Jiwoo?” The girl hums and Jinsoul’s afraid to ask, “did Sooyoung break your heart?”

Jiwoo nods firmly and Jinsoul makes a final decision about Sooyoung.

She was gonna kill her.

Because how on earth could she turn down the cutest most beautiful girl on the planet. Jiwoo was so sweet it left her teeth rotting, “ugh what a bitch.”

Jiwoo giggles like the little angel she is, “ah she’s not that bad, just...misunderstood.” Jiwoo doesn’t blame Sooyoung for what happened. It was her fault, Sooyoung had warned her from the beginning that it would be nothing more than a good feeling.

“Hey I got an idea babe c’mon,” Jinsoul quips and rolls off the bed. Whenever she’s pissed at Ha Sooyoung she likes to ruin her stupid( _ ly attractive _ ) face with some darts. Jinsoul takes one of the photo’s, actually the one she cherished and places it on the board. Jiwoo catches her drift and stands up as well.

They take turns laughing and puncturing Sooyoung’s perfect features. Jinsoul didn’t cringe seeing her favorite picture being ruined after the new found revelation of her enemy. It felt good having the upper hand finally. The wild card. Jinsoul was in no way clueless. She may be the most well adapted person on this earth. Jinsoul smirks as she lands a dart right between her rivals eyes.

Ha Sooyoung will never see what’s coming.

~~~~

What a long ass chapter! Sorry...anyways this fic has heavy dialogue doesn't it. Like shut the hell up! But I hope everyone enjoys this long mess of words that my tiny brain came up with! I think I’ll space updates out like this with longer chapters. Thank you all lots of love...mwah!

Fun fact: Jinsoul’s parents are okay with gay people 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	9. Secrets

“I’m bored.” Jinsoul groans out and leans forward to give Sooyoung an intense stare. The older girl simply side eyes her before going back to playing her game. It was a Sunday afternoon and nobody was in the arcade except them. The music wasn’t even playing so it was eerily quiet except for the occasionally 8 bit tracks from certain games. 

Jinsoul sighs and rests her cheek into the palm of her hand. She watches Sooyoung chew her gum while playing street fighter since it was finally free since most of the dweebs didn’t come on sunday. But Jinsoul felt like the real dweeb because she was in the arcade on a sunday. But Sooyoung really wanted to play apparently, and Jinsoul hates to admit it, but she loves being around the older girl no matter what they do.

However, Jinsoul thinks she may die if she doesn’t do anything soon, “Sooyoung I’m booored.” She stopped playing street fighter a few minutes ago since Sooyoung was lowkey bad at it and Jinsoul was tired of whooping her ass. But the older girl was determined to get good. 

Sooyoung smacks her gum some more and Jinsoul wants to tear it out of her mouth. She only did it to get on the blonde’s nerves. Sooyoung groans as she loses and turns to Jinsoul her eyes slightly bigger from her glasses and Jinsoul smiles at how adorable it is, but then it’s totally ruined when she’s reminded what a jackass the older girl is, “whining about it is not gonna make it better.” Sooyoung smirks, “so shut up.”

Jinsoul glares at her as her face heats up; she then launches at Sooyoung and puts the girl in a headlock. They wrestle around for a few minutes, Jinsoul cracks up at how weak and puny Sooyoung is. She was tiny in her arms and Jinsoul couldn’t help but want to actually hold her for real. And for once to not use play fighting as an excuse to touch Sooyoung. 

The older girl groans with frustration and finally breaks free from Jinsoul’s torture. Jinsoul giggles at the mess that she’s made of Sooyoung but the older girl only starts to laugh with her. Sooyoung races towards her again and their hands clash together.

Jinsoul pushes against Sooyoung and the older girl pushes back. They slip forward and backwards on the abstract carpet with grease and beer stains. Their shoes slip on the carpet as they push against each other. Jinsoul even teeters them side to side.

Their fingers are tangled together and soon the arcade is filled with breathless laughs. Jinsoul likes it better this way, how things have become less serious between them since their little heart to heart conversations. She doesn’t see Sooyoung as cold hearted anymore and she isn’t so stubborn when hiding her feelings. It’s playful and Jinsoul realizes she’s been searching for something like this for a long time. 

A friend like Sooyoung. It isn’t complicated with her and Jinsoul feels special with the older girl. It’s weird how they’ve wanted to get closer since the beginning. Except Jinsoul was too prideful to admit she admired Sooyoung and the older girl hated when anyone would bust down her walls of protection, which is exactly what Jinsoul did. 

They fit, Sooyoung seemed to understand her without the explanations and vice versa. She was just too shy to really tell Sooyoung that. She just cherished what they have now and hopes they get closer than ever before. 

Neither of them realized how much fun they had together until they were alone again. Jinsoul couldn’t stop thinking about Sooyoung without a smile stretching across her face. The older girl has turned her world upside in just the right way. 

Taeyong the boy who works evenings yells at them, “WILL YOU ALL QUIT IT BEFORE YOU BREAK SOMETHING?!” Jinsoul and Sooyoung freeze and the boy glares at him, holding his little comic book.

Jinsoul has the urge to go and rip it in front of his face. Instead she focuses on Sooyoung and settles on sticking her tongue out at the boy while she receives the middle finger back. Jinsoul drops her hands with Sooyoung’s fingers still entangled with hers. Jinsoul looks down at them intertwined. Sooyoung’s hands fit perfectly in hers, but they’re all sweaty and Jinsoul wonders why until she’s given a vague answer.

Sooyoung must have been staring down too because she suddenly jerks her hands from Jinsoul’s and shoves them in her back pockets. The blonde stares at the girl who’s now blushing and Jinsoul understands now why Sooyoung gets so shy around her.

Jinsoul knows she’s a pretty girl, and Sooyoung obviously gets nervous around her. She has these habits that Jinsoul’s picked up on. She’ll rub the back of her neck or head or she’ll shove her hands into her pockets. She does this little smile that makes her nose scrunch up and it’s the cutest thing Jinsoul’s ever witnessed. Sooyoung twiddles her fingers together and speaks a bit softer than usual when Jinsoul says something flirty. That’s when Jinsoul knows she’s done something that’s made Sooyoung’s heartbeat a little faster. 

Those moments are what Jinsoul works toward. Just so that she knows she has some sort of affect on the older girl. She likes making Sooyoung happy, because she likes her smile.

It makes sense that Sooyoung’s gay, she gets shy when Jinsoul tell her she’s pretty and blushes at the smallest amount of affection. It explains why she panics when Jinsoul flirts back or closes up at the mention of boys. But Jinsoul didn't mind one bit, if anything it made her want to get closer to Sooyoung. To have the girl trust her. She felt a bit silly for not noticing, because it was so obvious now.

She’s glad that Sooyoung only likes girls, so now Jinsoul doesn’t have to worry about some boy taking all the attention she gets from Sooyoung away.

The blonde was determined to make Sooyoung her best friend now.

Jinsoul sighs when Sooyoung refuses to meet her gaze. So she reaches forward for Sooyoung’s jeans, the belt loops to be exact and pulls on them until the girl is fumbling forward. Sooyoung’s forced to look at her when their bodies are pressed together and Jinsoul smirks at how much deeper the blush on Sooyoung’s face gets. 

Licking her lips she ignores how Sooyoung’s eyes flicker down to them for a split second, “I’m really bored.” Jinsoul knows exactly what she wants to do. The weather outside is too perfect for them to be cooped up in this old smelly arcade. 

The older girl stares right into her and Jinsoul figures that Sooyoung’s trying to read her mind, “what do you want me to do about it princess?” It’s soft and teasing. Jinsoul really likes it when Sooyoung talks to her gently. She likes it when Sooyoung calls her those stupid little names. She likes it when Sooyoung looks at her like that.

“Come home with me?” She says innocently and Sooyoung’s eyes widen. The older girl’s expression is blank before a shit eating grin takes over. Jinsoul knows something stupid is about to come out of the girl’s mouth.

Sooyoung giggles and leans back a bit, her hands are still in her back pockets and Jinsoul resists the urge to reach back and stick hers in as well. But her hands remain grasped onto Sooyoung’s belt loops so she can keep her close. “Damn Jinsoul we haven’t even had our first date yet and you’re already trying to take me home.” Jinsoul rolls her eyes and groans when Sooyoung winks.

That’s the thing about Sooyoung that Jinsoul can’t stand. That she gets adorably timid when Jinsoul tells her that her eyes are pretty. So shy that she can’t even look Jinsoul’s way and a blush highlights her features. Jinsoul just wants to squeeze Sooyoung in those moments. She’s too cute for her own good. 

But then Sooyoung will confidently flirt with her like this with no shame whatsoever. It’s crazy, the dynamic this girl has. It’s like she’s practiced being this smooth of a talker, but her weakness is when someone flirts back, which is what Jinsoul has been getting very good at recently. 

Jinsoul rolls her eyes before replying in a deeper voice, “please you don’t consider us hanging out all the times before as dates? Babe I thought you knew already?” Sooyoung’s mouth drops slightly at the teasing tone and Jinsoul whines when the older girl pushes her away in a panicked state. “I was kidding Sooyoung jeez!”

The older girl crosses her arms and huffs. Her ears are bright red and Jinsoul just wants to kiss at them. She can’t believe she’s wasted all her time before thinking that pissing Sooyoung off was the way to go, when teasing her was what really got under her skin. 

“We’re friends right? Let’s hang out.” Jinsoul mumbles out while smiling with her teeth. Sooyoung gives her a look she’s never seen before and Jinsoul’s not sure what it means. The older girl’s eyes soften but then she turns her head away trying to ignore Jinsoul.

But soon Sooyoung is laughing and Jinsoul questions it, “what are you laughing about weirdo?”

Sooyoung smiles happily and it’s infectious. Jinsoul could really get addicted to a smile like that. Sooyoung’s teeth are so shiny and her lips are perfect while they stretch across them. Jinsoul wonders how soft they are and how such an angelic sound escapes from them, “since when are we friends?” Sooyoung dares to ask with, trying to cover the hesitation with confidence but Jinsoul sees right through it. 

The blonde sighs, “well...we hang out a lot aaand I really like hanging out with you. I can only hope you do too.” 

Sooyoung’s smile drops in the slightest into something warmer. Her eyes sparkle, something Jinsoul’s never seen them do before. Sooyoung seems relieved and a bit flustered at that answer, her cheeks are pink barely noticeable from her tan skin. “Of course I do.” Sooyoung says it so breathlessly and it makes Jinsoul’s heartbeat race. 

“Then maybe we should stop pretending that we can’t stand each other.” Jinsoul tells her with all honesty. “Because the truth is...when I’m not around you all I can think about is how badly I want to see you again.” Jinsoul is pushing Sooyoung back and forth from the grip she has on her belt loops but her eyes stare at the golden necklace hanging from Sooyoung’s neck.

When she looks up, she almost wishes she didn’t because all the air is knocked out of her lungs. Sooyoung’s eyes are a bit narrowed and she looks a bit dopey with the way her head is tilted. Jinsoul’s never had anyone to look at her in the way Sooyoung does. She wants Sooyoung to look at her that way forever. “Then why won’t you call me? I know you remember my number.” Sooyoung’s voice is a bit lower than normal and it’s got a husk to it that sends goosebumps to Jinsoul’s skin.

The blonde hates how something that simple makes her feel so significant. She lets her eyes flicker between Sooyoung’s pools of black before answering, “because I’m broke.” Jinsoul giggles and Sooyoung’s gaze softens even more, “and I know I’d talk to you too much and I’d either get banned from the phone or you’d stop picking up.” 

Sooyoung snorts and shakes her head, “I’d never get tired of you and if you’re worried about money I’d give you whatever you need, anything. Just so I could talk to you.” That’s what Jinsoul lo...likes about Sooyoung, is how sweet she can be at times but she can’t handle it. Jinsoul can handle Sooyoung when she’s mad...it’s a bit scary with the way the girl’s jaw clenches. She can handle her when she’s hitting on her without shame. Jinsoul’s heart doesn’t even stop when Sooyoung gets shy and that’s the cutest thing she’s ever witnessed.

No it’s when Sooyoung says those things that feel so real. 

That’s when Jinsoul doesn’t have any control.

“Maybe I’ll call...if you hang out with me today.” Sooyoung rolls her eyes as Jinsoul laughs at her reaction. 

Jinsoul doesn’t know why Sooyoung has a problem with it when she was just saying she’d give anything just to talk to her. That’s why Jinsoul wants to get closer to her, so Sooyoung trusts her enough to tell her why she’s hesitant. Why she’s yet to tell her about herself. Hell, Sooyoung still hasn’t even told Jinsoul where she works, but the blonde already knows that...just not officially. 

The older girl leans away from her but Jinsoul’s still tugging on her belt loops. Sooyoung bites her lip, “you really wanna go back to yours?” Sooyoung peeks down and Jinsoul’s already got her eyebrow thing going. Sooyoung glances away warily and Jinsoul knows she already won.

Jinsoul tilts her head for emphasis, trying to persuade Sooyoung to spend the day with her. “Pleaasseee Sooyoung I don’t wanna sit on my ass all day plus it’ll be fun!” She huffs knowing it’s the ultimate way of making Sooyoung give in. Jinsoul uses her power often now. Sooyoung can’t simply resist when she pouts her lips and puffs her cheeks up.

The older girl sighs and glares at her sideways. But as soon as Jinsoul flutters her eyelashes Sooyoung groans out.

“Fine!”

Jinsoul knows she’s got Sooyoung wrapped around her finger now.

All thanks to Jiwoo’s little secret.

~~~~

Pulling Sooyoung up to her house she stops them for a second before pointing in the girl’s face. “Don’t say anything let me do all the talking.” Sooyoung nods seriously. “And ignore anything my mom and dad says, they’re weird.” Sooyoung's eyes widen and she looks like she’s about to pass out.

Jinsoul didn’t even realize they were holding hands until Sooyoung tries to pull her hand out of her grip. The blonde only reaches in more to intertwine their fingers to make it tighter. “Your parents?” Jinsoul raises a brow at how shakey Sooyoung’s voice is. “Um...uh are, nevermind.” Sooyoung had something on the tip of her tongue so Jinsoul squeezes her hand, “it’s nothing.” The older girl reassures her.

The blonde has never seen Sooyoung this scared before. It wasn’t normal, when Sooyoung’s tense face was usually from her being bashful. Jinsoul wants to ask but she also doesn’t want to push too far, which seemed like the last thing Sooyoung wanted at the moment.

Sooyoung’s walls were definitely up by the way her eyes steeled. All Jinsoul can do is drag her inside hoping that seeing her family isn’t all that bad will relax her. She yells for a greeting as she starts to take her shoes off.

She grabs Sooyoung’s hand again, planning on just speeding through the house but as she passes by the kitchen with Sooyoung being dragged behind her she’s stopped by her mom’s voice. “Soul I was...Oh!” Her mom gasps and Sooyoung bumps into her from behind making the older girl huff. “Hi sweetie.” Jinsoul hates how her mom instantly starts cheesing when she zones in on Sooyoung. “Who’s this?”

Jinsoul’s dad snorts and takes a sip of his tea, “honey I thought she didn’t like-” The man is cut off by a slap to the back of his head. Jinsoul telepathically thanks her mother for the interruption because she knows exactly what her dad was going to ask. 

They both look at her expectly and Jinsoul wishes it wasn’t  _ the look _ . The one that’s silently asking if this was a friend that she got manicures with or a friend where Jinsoul isn’t allowed to close and lock her door with. Because...well Jinsoul’s got her own secrets and her parents are always questioning the girls she brings home. 

“Mama, Daddy this is my  _ friend _ Sooyoung,” she emphasizes the word friend and the two of them wave eagerly at Sooyoung giving the girl billion-watt smiles. “Sooyoung these are my lovely parents.” 

The older girl goes against Jinsoul’s previous command, “Hi.” Sooyoung seems confused at their enthusiasm but waves at them anyways. Jinsoul rolls her eyes before standing behind Sooyoung to push her up the stairs.

With a wavering voice she tells her parents she loves them and reminds them again that they’re gonna do girl stuff. Just girl stuff. 

Pulling Sooyoung upstairs she grabs the doorknob and doesn’t think for a second as she pushes the older girl into her room.

But then she remembers.

_ NO MY SOOYOUNG SHRINE! _

Jinsoul huffs and yanks Sooyoung back out before slamming the door in her face. Sooyoung’s eyes sway side to side, since the second she stepped foot into this house things have been weird. Jinsoul opens the door back up to peak her head out, “um. It's like messy or whatever. So just sit tight.” Jinsoul’s face is blank but then she gives a nervous smile before disappearing back into the room.

The blonde swipes the imaginary sweat off her brow and glances around at her room. Her vision is tunneled as it focuses on all the evidence in the room. First, all the pictures of Sooyoung taped to her wall of models. Sooyoung fit right in...so it pained Jinsoul tearing them off. She stares at them and has a revelation.

She was a bit  _ too _ obsessed with Sooyoung.

Jinsoul felt almost like a stalker but no she was just determined to know everything about this girl. Okay yeah it sounds bad but Jinsoul doesn’t follow her around at least. That one time she ruined Sooyoung’s date does not count. Or the time she followed her home. Or when... _ okay maybe I need to tone it down a little.  _ Jinsoul thinks as she takes the Sooyoung photo down from the dart board. 

The blonde just really liked Sooyoung, although she would die before she’d ever tell Sooyoung or anyone in that matter the extent of it. 

The extent of it being that now her diary had been nothing but Sooyoung. Yes, she thinks about her a lot and what other way to get it out of her system rather than writing all her feelings in the special little book. She carefully places the cherished and most precious pictures into the diary and closes it gently before hiding it thoroughly.

At first, the pages were just scribbles of anger and promises of revenge she’d have on _Yves_. Then Jinsoul had a little mystery solving stage, where she wrote down all the little hints she had of _Yves_ and tried to fit them into a big puzzle _._ The pages turned angry again when she met Sooyoung. There was a whole page with just the sentence ‘I _hate you_ ’ with a picture of Sooyoung in the middle with her eyes crossed out.

Slowly but surely though, the pages have toned down. Instead of hatred it was more of just irritation. A lot of it was  _ why doesn’t she pay me any attention. Does she hate me? Am I not good enough…what does she like? _

Jinsoul’s been through a rollercoaster of emotions with Sooyoung. But the last few pages have been little notes, on the things she’s done or said to make Sooyoung laugh or smile. Just so she can read over them in the morning and remember to do them again. She remembers the last thing she wrote about Sooyoung. 

_ She’s weird but I like her. _

And just above that was the first photo she found of Sooyoung, she had taken the time to color hearts in different shades of pink around it. Jinsoul remembered doing it, she was laying on her belly in her bed. Her feet swinging up in the air as she hummed to a love song on her radio as she repeated the shape around Sooyoung’s stupidly adorable face.

Sticking the diary in a place Sooyoung would never find it she goes to open her door to let the girl back in. Jinsoul freezes when her little sister and Sooyoung are having a staredown. Chaewon was brushing her teeth and Sooyoung had her hands behind her back twiddling her fingers. 

Her sister turns to her, “who’s this weirdo?”

Jinsoul swallows, “Sooyoung and she’s not a weirdo.” Sooyoung frowns, Jinsoul calls her one every five seconds so she’s not sure why she’s being defended right now.

Chaewon smiles, “gross...is she you know.” Her little sister makes her wrist limb and Jinsoul narrows her eyes. 

“None of your business brat.” 

“Oh and does she know you're a loser? Or are you tricking her.” 

“Shut up!”

Sooyoung watches the two go back and forth, it was like the same person. But Jinsoul’s sister was a lot quicker with coming up with insults. She was a tiny mastermind and very sarcastic. Sooyoung could barely keep up. She doesn’t know how someone could look that innocent but be that shady.

Chaewon blinks, “well don’t be loud,” the smaller girl looks them both up and down and Jinsoul’s face turns bright red. “Doing whatever it is that...nerds do.” 

Jinsoul rolls her eyes tired of her sister's mouth and pulls Sooyoung in for a final time. Shutting the door and locking it she bangs her forehead against the wood for a few seconds. “I’m gonna kill her…” Jinsoul promises to herself. Chaewon better sleep with one eye open. Turning around she realizes she probably should have kept banging her head until she was unconscious.

Because Sooyoung’s lips are twisted in an amused smile as she looks around at Jinsoul’s room. Sooyoung picks up her Jem figurine and giggles at it.

_ Oh fuck me… _

“You are like the biggest dork ever.” Chaewon and now Sooyoung were making fun of her hobbies. Yes Jinsoul had a lot of geek shit in her room but she didn’t deserve all of this backlash, she just wanted to fangirl in peace. Her walls we covered with pop stars, not counting her model wall which she cherished. The rest of her wall was covered by video game posters and movies that she was made fun of for liking.

She had a lot of collectibles, from stuff like Power Rangers, Care Bears, and Urusei Yatsura. But her real prize was all the robot action figures she had, from voltron and the super dimension fortress macross, all the way to her robotech that she had to put together herself. 

Jinsoul was a collector, she liked getting anything from any media she liked. Right now her obsession was Jem and Rainbow bright. Sooyoung takes her time looking at all the stuff she has, she whines when Sooyoung picks up her most prized possession. Her fizzgig plushie, “dark crystal huh.” Sooyoung mumbles out, her voice airy and her smile wide. 

Looking down at her feet she shyly whispers out, “it’s like my favorite movie.” Another one of Jinsoul’s favorites was the neverending story and her falkor plushie was right beside her fizzgig. 

Sooyoung puts it down and shakes her head, amazed at it all. Jinsoul watches as the older girl brushes her hands across her shelf full of comics and manga. Jinsoul didn’t like novels though, they were too much and had no pictures. Sooyoung stops at her desk and looks down at her custom pair of dice for D&D and her character sheets. “You even play dungeons.” 

Jinsoul pouts up, “I know it’s lame and I’d like if you’d stop-”

“It’s amazing.” Sooyoung looks up at her and her eyes are sparkling with admiration and wonder. Jinsoul quickly shuts her mouth as Sooyoung continues to stare at her softly, she almost seems shocked. “You’re ama…” Sooyoung stops herself and Jinsoul wishes she’d finish, the blonde doesn’t think she’s ever felt this warm.

Sooyoung’s gaze eats her alive and Jinsoul stands there awkwardly, she’d never bring the older girl here again. “You have no idea how cute you really are.” Sooyoung says and as soon Jinsoul looks up the older girl glances away. “You just don’t seem like you’d be into all this…”

“Yeah yeah, I don’t look like a loser but surprise.” Jinsoul groans and goes to flop onto her bed.

Sooyoung laughs and continues to check everything out, Jinsoul knows that Sooyoung’s into this stuff as well by the way she carefully handles everything and doesn’t even touch some of it. “It’s seriously cute I just can’t wrap my head around it.” Sooyoung repeats herself, still gushing over it all. “I mean a lot of this other stuff makes sense,” Sooyoung points to her Janet Jackson poster. “But you’re the last person I’d imagine being into Dark Crystal and having all these assembled Robotechs.” Sooyoung rambles out to the blonde kicking her feet off the side of her bed, “it was even weird seeing you in an arcade.”

“And why is that?” 

Sooyoung’s shoulders slump, “because you’re like an angel and you smell nice.” Jinsoul blushes and turns her cheek. She twists the sheets into the palm of her hands. It was a mistake in bringing Sooyoung here, she wasn’t even flirting now. Sooyoung was just saying what was on her mind. “I don’t know, arcades aren't cool, the last place I’d expect to meet a girl like you.” 

Jinsoul snorts, “and where’d you expect to meet a girl like me?” She’s curious, Sooyoung seemed to have assumptions about her even after all this time. The older girl spins around her room in awe, discovering new things at every glance. 

She watches as Sooyoung’s lip juts out in a pout as she picks up a mini keytar model. “Maybe the mall? At the movies...anywhere really.” Sooyoung rambles as she carefully sits the model down. “If I think about it, the arcade isn’t what makes it weird.” 

“Then what does?” Jinsoul knots her brows together and leans further off the bed.

Sooyoung hums, “that you even talked to me in the first place.” Jinsoul doesn’t understand what the older girl means, nor does she get an answer. Surely the girl didn’t think she wasn’t cool enough for Jinsoul? Because if anything, Jinsoul was the one that couldn’t believe she got Ha Sooyoung to be her friend. The swagger that Sooyoung had came naturally, and she was alluring without even trying. Everything she did was effortless, Sooyoung was the kind of person who didn’t have time for others unless they were special. 

The older girl was straight out of the magazine. People would kill to be like Sooyoung, they would even kill to be _ with  _ her.

~

What Jinsoul fails to realize is that Sooyoung feels the same way. If it was any different, the only time she would cross Jinsoul’s path would be by accident. While the arcade was coincidence, it turned into something more. Because Jinsoul had found interest in her. Sooyoung just doesn’t know why. 

No, if it was either other way, Sooyoung would have never met Jinsoul. She’d see her in the distance with a group of people that were nothing like her. Jinsoul would never notice her and Sooyoung would only stare a few seconds before moving on. The only thing she would remember is how pretty the blonde’s smile is. 

They’d become ghosts, and not realize they were haunting each other. 

But no, somehow, Sooyoung had managed to capture Jinsoul in the flesh.

Jinsoul reminded Sooyoung of those girl’s that never spared a glance in her direction. Never acknowledge her existence or even knew she was there to begin with. Sooyoung didn’t care that much, even though she found those girls perfect. She now realizes that they are nowhere near perfect, not with the discovery of Jinsoul. 

The blonde is nothing near to being perfect either, but she is to Sooyoung.

~

Jinsoul watches as Sooyoung sways around, deep in thought so she breaks the spell of silence. “What? Can’t get it in your head that I could begin to like a loser like you?” Sooyoung glares at her, a mix of embarrassment and agreement. Trying to figure out how the blonde read her mind. Jinsoul smiles before liking her teeth, “the truth is, I don’t why the hell I like you either, but I do.” Well, Jinsoul can think of a few things...why she likes Sooyoung so much.

“Sorry, half of my brain isn’t for boys and the other for money and clothes. That has to be what you’re thinking.” Jinsoul often gets that misconception of herself. Most people see her and think it’s empty up there. She’s a bit disappointed that Sooyoung would even think that about her. “I do like them, but I like a lot of other things too.” 

_ Including you. _

Sooyoung snorts, “I don’t think you like boys that much actually.” Jinsoul blushes, is it that obvious? “Judging by the lack of pictures of them in this room, it’s mostly...women.” Sooyoung explains as Jinsoul’s eyes widen and she looks down at her feet nervously. “What’s really bugging me is I have no idea how you even afforded most of this stuff.” Her face goes blood red well...Jinsoul had to like boys. Or she wouldn’t be able to buy shit. Jinsoul is kinda ashamed of how much she sleeps around just so she gets to go shopping. 

“I am into boys, they’re just dumb but they buy me anything I want if I’m sweet to them.” Jinsoul lies and Sooyoung slowly starts to make her way over to her. Jinsoul picks at her nails before glances up at Sooyoung through her eyelashes. The older girl's eyes are narrowed and she has a playful smirk on her lips. She steps even closer and Jinsoul holds her breath when she can smell Sooyoung’s perfume. The blonde looks straight ahead but quickly glances to the left when her gaze falls onto the girl’s bare waist. 

Why does Sooyoung love wearing tight clothes that are too small for her. Except they weren’t, they fit her perfectly. Jinsoul could see the faint line of tone muscles, the poke of angled hips, and Sooyoung’s belly button. Which was really cute, Jinsoul wanted to poke it. Jinsoul screams internally and figures that losing herself in Sooyoung’s eyes was a better option besides getting warm under the thought of touching the smooth skin of her tummy. She glances up and manages to get even warmer.

She can tell Sooyoung doesn’t necessarily agree with her statement, she has other ideas of what Jinsoul is into. And Jinsoul can’t figure it out, she wishes she could read Sooyoung’s mind as the older girl lets her words flow in one ear and out the other. 

“Is that how you got all this stuff? A boy bought it all for you.” Jinsoul raises a brow at Sooyoung’s question, it has a slight edge to it. Jinsoul bites her lip and nods, still looking up at Sooyoung. She flutters her eyelashes when the older scoffs on accident, obviously showing her disinterest on the subject. “Did you like him a lot?” Jinsoul thinks for a moment, she thinks the happiest day she’s ever had was when she broke up with him. So she shakes her head no. 

“Not really, he was mean. But the sex was okay and he had a lot of money.” Sooyoung barely smiles but her nose scrunches up. Clearly grossed out and Jinsoul doesn’t blame her. Jinsoul didn’t really like doing it, most of the time the thought gave her the heebie jeebies. But she did like the attention and knowing at least someone wanted her. Jinsoul liked being wanted. Sooyoung then groans and turns her head, Jinsoul doesn’t miss the way the older girl’s jaw clenches. So Jinsoul tries to ease it, “I don’t think I’ve ever really liked someone like that.”

Sooyoung flops beside her, “me either. Men irk me.” The older girl sighs out and Jinsoul scoots closer, she likes being close to Sooyoung. “I just don’t like sleeping alone.” Jinsoul wonders why, it’s such a specific reason...even though she knew Sooyoung was lying about liking men. The older girl then turns to her and Jinsoul gasps at close Sooyoung. “Since neither of us really like guys that much let’s make a deal.”

Jinsoul raises her brow, “a deal?”

“Yeah, so we don’t have to waste our time on them.” Sooyoung smirks then, it’s sideways and Jinsoul can’t help but let her eyes fall down to those plump lips. Jinsoul laughs, feeling like she was going a bit crazy. Sooyoung was really dreamy when she was this close. Jinsoul could count her eyelashes and the light that shined through her window hit Sooyoung’s eyes just right. They were dark shade of brown. “If you’re sweet to me, I’ll buy you anything you want.” 

Jinsoul’s heart pumps painfully, why was Sooyoung so cute suddenly? She likes how the older girl’s whole face moves with her smile. Her nose, her cheeks rise adorably and her eyes crinkle in the corners. Jinsoul starts to imagine how Sooyoung looks in the morning, fresh faced. “And in turn…” Sooyoung begins and Jinsoul becomes very aware of what the girl had said before. She said she hates sleeping alone. Her eyes must be the size of plates.

_ Oh god oh fuck what the hell do I say?  _ Was Jiwoo right? Was Sooyoung about to ask if they could fuck? Jinsoul was about to scream no until Sooyoung finished, “you’ll call me so I won’t feel so lonely.” Her heart stops, relief floods Jinsoul’s body and she slumps against Sooyoung. The older girl seems to get a little stirred up at the contact and panics a bit when Jinsoul hugs her tightly. 

Jinsoul didn’t want to think about Sooyoung playing her. She pushed her convo with Jiwoo deep down, where she had completely ignored most of what was said.

She’s in a bit of denial.

So all she does now is thank god that she doesn’t have to deal with that. 

Jinsoul pulls back slightly and stares into Sooyoung’s wide eyes. “You’ll buy me anything I want?” 

Sooyoung nods, “of course. Anything for you princess.” 

The blonde squeals before attacking Sooyoung’s face with her lips. The older girl groans but Jinsoul doesn’t care. She felt her world crashing down on her just moments ago, the thought of losing Sooyoung as a friend was terrible. And well, the thought of Sooyoung being the bestest of friends made her the happiest girl alive. She couldn’t help but want to plant her lips all over Sooyoung’s stupidly attractive face.

Her smooches make noises as they make contact with Sooyoung’s face and the older girl’s features squish up every time her lips press to the soft skin. Her hands were cradling Sooyoung’s head and the girl’s fingers were wrapped around her wrist trying to push her off...but Sooyoung wasn’t trying that hard. She could really push her off if she wanted.

When she finally pulls away she just knows her eyes are sparkling with delight. Sooyoung is blushing, a goofy smile fighting against her lips as she lets out a breathy sigh. The girl looked like she was on dope and Jinsoul felt the same. 

Sooyoung laughs and it’s still winded from where Jinsoul managed to knock the air out of her lungs, “I guess that’s a yes?” Jinsoul stays silent, her answer in her smile. Sooyoung takes it as an answer but all Jinsoul can think about is how a certain shade of lipstick would look amazing on the older girl.

“Can I give you a makeover?”

~~~~

Sooyoung had gone through her records, the older girl had bragged on her large selection before choosing a Tina Turner album before putting it on the turntable. They went through her collection while Jinsoul had slowly worked on Sooyoung’s face. Right now she was blending blue and gold on Sooyoung’s eyelids as the girl gently grasped the back of her thighs.

At first Jinsoul didn’t mind the grip Sooyoung had on her, but it was proving to be distracting, Sooyoung’s soft palms on the back of her bare thighs. Jinsoul almost regretted wearing short shorts. She was standing between the older girl’s legs as Sooyoung sat on the little bench to her vanity. 

One of her hands was barely cupping Sooyoung’s jawline, as the other finished up the eyeshadow and gold shimmer. Sooyoung’s head was tilted up, relaxed and Jinsoul was afraid she was falling asleep. But when she mutters that she was done Sooyoung’s eyes flutter open and Jinsoul pays close attention to how large the older girl’s pupils are.

Jinsoul smiles, “looking good Ha.” Sooyoung mirrors her by giving her an equally lazy smile. Jinsoul then starts to work on putting blush and eyeliner on as Sooyoung hums at the soft fingers brushing against her. Jinsoul pushes Sooyoung’s hair behind her ear before leaning a bit closer making her legs press into Sooyoung’s chest.

“Can I ask you a question?” Sooyoung mumbles out, clearly sleepy from how gentle Jinsoul’s being with her.

The blonde hums, “don’t make it stupid.”

Jinsoul hears a stifle laugh before Sooyoung’s smooth voice reaches her ears again, “why are you such a nerd.” The blonde freezes and lets her face drop. Leaning back she puts one hand on her hip while the other flops to her side. Sooyoung still has her eyes closed, fighting back a laugh. 

As soon as Sooyoung opens one of her eyes and meets Jinsoul’s deadpan stare her laugh finally breaks loose. Jinsoul rolls her eyes before shoving Sooyoung’s shoulder. “I’m not a nerd.” Jinsoul seeths out of her teeth.

“Sure you’re not, just like you’re not a sore loser either.” Sooyoung giggles, a teasing smile breaking out on her face. “Don’t worry Barbie, your little secret is safe with me.” 

Jinsoul glares at her,  _ so is yours Ha Sooyoung.  _

The blonde knows a lot more about Sooyoung than the older girl realizes, she’d better watch her tongue. Shaking her head she grabs Sooyoung’s face a bit rougher this time, going back to painting her face. She usually doesn’t talk about it, but since Sooyoung asked, she doesn’t really mind. “Back when I was younger, not a lot of people were nice to me.”

Sooyoung’s smile slowly drops into a frown so Jinsoul continues, “I had friends, a good bit of them actually, but not everyone liked me. So I stuck to myself a lot and ended up getting into this shit, because it made me forget about my life. It was a distraction at first but kinda became my comfort.” Jinsoul was poor back then, she didn’t have nice clothes or pretty hair. She talked too funny and slow. And she was easy to pick on because she’d get so angry.

Boys would call her four-eyes and ugly to her face, but then after school would follow her home asking if they could talk on the phone. Jinsoul of course took advantage of that, any attention was good enough. Boys never hurt her, because she couldn’t bring herself to like them enough to care. Girls did hurt though, in the best way possible. Jinsoul remembers how good it felt when a girl would tell her she’s pretty or that she’s funny, she’d have dreams about them. A lot of dreams. But that was the extent of it, no girl really never wanted anything to do with her, she was too weird. 

However, Jinsoul’s heart was broken once. When a girl she trusted stabbed her in the back. She vowed to never get that close to someone ever again. She found peace within an arcade when that happened. Like she’s always found peace in watching shows or skimming through magazines.

But here she was, because with one look from Sooyoung, it took her back when she was seventeen. When all she could think about is how much she wanted to taste cherry chapstick. How much softer girl’s lips looked compared to boys. She found it again...in the arcade where she had vowed to never feel this way again.

Jinsoul sighs as she applies the base color of pink to Sooyoung’s lips. They were perfect and Jinsoul resisted the urge to rub her thumb across the bottom one. “When moved to the city once my mom got a really good job here. That’s when I found out about video games.” Jinsoul smiles at the memory of when she first played, “it was weird at first, but the more I played the deeper I got into it. Nothing has ever managed to make me feel better like playing has.” 

She finished the lipstick and then grabs some gloss, “I forgot about everything that was bothering me, it was like I was in-”

“Another world.” Sooyoung finishes her sentence for her and Jinsoul finally notices how the older girl’s grip has tightened on her thighs and how her eyes have glossed over in awe.

“Yeah.” Jinsoul sighs out and turns to start on Sooyoung’s hair, she already had her irons heating up. “Takes the edge off ya know.” The blonde tries to swallow the tension down her throat but it’s hard when Sooyoung’s looking at her through the mirror like that.

Sooyoung takes a deep breath, “yeah, I know what you mean.” The older girl fakes a smile before admitting, “I’ve never really made friends at all.” Jinsoul starts to tease Sooyoung’s hair as she listens closely. “Like I said, I don’t like being lonely, and playing made me forget about it.” 

Jinsoul heart breaks just a bit, “for real no friends?” Sooyoung shakes her head and Jinsoul wonders who’s lying, Jiwoo or Sooyoung. “No sleep overs?” Another shake of her head so Jinsoul drops the iron, “girls nights? Double dates? Anything?” Sooyoung pouts up and Jinsoul’s unsure what to think.

“I end up ruining it.” Sooyoung meekly confesses and Jinsoul believes that both Jiwoo and Sooyoung are telling the truth. “Everytime I get close enough to someone I like I manage to fuck it up.” Sooyoung is twiddling her thumbs again, nervous, “I don’t want to ruin it with you.” It’s nothing but honesty that sticks to Sooyoung’s voice and Jinsoul reminds herself that she never had anything to worry about in the first place. 

Jinsoul’s stomach does twists, “then I won’t let you.” She leans down to wrap her arms around Sooyoung’s chest from behind, staring straight at the girl in the mirror as she places her head against hers. Jinsoul’s not sure if Sooyoung’s warning her herself, but she’ll be sure to protect herself for the benefit of the both of them.

Because Sooyoung’s too good to lose. 

Jinsoul’s never had a connection like this to anyone else. She thinks there’s a reason why they crossed each other’s paths. “I’m really glad we’re friends now, so I won’t let you ruin it...even though you are annoying as hell.” 

“Hey!” Sooyoung pouts up at her as Jinsoul leans back to finish up the girl’s hair. She was going for a feathered look, already having the outfit in mind for Sooyoung. She loves make-overs, she likes seeing how pretty she can get a girl.

A smile lingers on her face, Jinsoul’s not for sure why but she feels lucky to even be like this with Sooyoung. The older girl seemed to be the type of person to not be playful, but if anything she was just as much as Jinsoul was. She’s grateful for having the chance to meet Sooyoung, even more so to get this close to her. Jinsoul can only hope that she feels the same.

Jinsoul’s never met someone like Sooyoung, where the pull was there from the start. That Jinsoul just had to hold on even though it was rocky in the beginning. There was something about Sooyoung, that felt so right. Like Jinsoul’s been looking for her the entirety of her life. She knew since she first locked eyes with Sooyoung, none of it made sense, but it felt  _ right _ .

“Kay, I’m done.” Jinsoul sighs and backs away, “get nakey I got just the fit for you.” Jinsoul stands there smiling as Sooyoung stands up, after checking herself out in the mirror. Sooyoung smiles, confidence radiating from her.

But when Sooyoung raises a brow at her, Jinsoul gets a little disappointed. “Turn around blondie.” Sooyoung twirls her finger, trying to act all cool but it was clear that she was getting nervous.

“Why? We’re just girls.” Sooyoung’s blush deepens and she shakes her head. Jinsoul rolls her eyes and huffs while turning around.

Jinsoul can feel the eyes at the back of her head, so she tries to relax, but she can’t knowing that Sooyoung is staring straight at her. “And I’m the pervert. Yeah right.”

The blonde laughs, “you’re hot, can’t help that I wanted a little sneak peak.” Jinsoul shouldn’t be so honest sometimes(for the sake of keeping her secrets), but she really wishes she could see the look on Sooyoung’s face right now. She just knows the older girl probably looks like a deer stuck in headlights.

Jinsoul hums to the tune of All night long, by the Mary Jane Girls. Sooyoung had put that record on a while ago. She hears the shuffle of clothes and takes a deep breath, Sooyoung’s casual style is interesting. Today she was wearing a striped ringer tee and flare jeans that hugged her hips and waist. Jinsoul prefers high waisted jeans, but Sooyoung really liked to show off her sculpted body. Her curve was still nice while being that thin.

Taking a glance at her mirror, Jinsoul’s eyes pop out of her sockets.

Closing them quickly as she can she giggles and covers her face even further. Sooyoung had already taken her jeans off, leaving her in just her shirt. But Jinsoul had caught the split second of Sooyoung pulling that shirt up. Jinsoul noticed three things at once. That Sooyoung was watching her intensely from behind, that she had a deep and nasty scar stretched across her ribcage. And that she wasn’t wearing a bra, and Jinsoul understood why Sooyoung didn’t need one after she took a peak. They were cute.

Jinsoul reaches out with one hand and searches for her closet. What she was more curious about was that terrible scar. What could have done that? The skin didn’t look like it had healed properly, it was pink and white compared to Sooyoung’s normal glow. But it also seemed pretty old. 

She grabs her closet door and opens it along with her eyes, searching for the outfit she wanted Sooyoung to put on. It was a dark golden, plaid blazer and skirt set. With a blue turtleneck and tights to go with it. “Behind you.” The hairs on the back of Jinsoul’s neck stand as Sooyoung whispers a bit too close to her ear.

Jinsoul didn’t like getting spooked like that and elbowed Sooyoung without turning around. She hit the side without the scar and she snorts hearing the groan behind her, “don’t come up on me like that freak, you scared the fuck outta me.” Jinsoul complains while reaching the clothes back behind her which Sooyoung takes.

The older girl behind her makes a happy noise and Jinsoul knows she’s got a good eye. She waits for Sooyoung to finish and instantly turns around once she gets permission. 

Jinsoul squeals and claps as Sooyoung’s appearance, she looks so good. Running towards her vanity she grabs a pair of large gold earrings to complete the look. She then grabs her camera and glasses, throwing a pair of pumps at Sooyoung before dragging her outside. 

She shows Sooyoung off to her parents first (after Chaewon had refused to open her door to look), they blink at the total 180 of the girl they first saw. As Jinsoul drags Sooyoung out the door, Jinsoul’s dad turns to his wife, “well, I guess she really is just a girlfriend.”

Her mom sighs, “I know, they looked good together too.”

They then sigh sadly together.

Sooyoung struggles to keep up with Jinsoul in ill fitted pumps, the blonde drags her down the pavement a bit too excited. Sooyoung didn’t know she was gonna be in a whole ass photoshoot. Jinsoul takes her to a little strip of cherry blossom trees, it’s an old wall, the stones have cracked and perished due to weather, but have some life to them from the moss growing around the edge. 

Jinsoul pushes her up against the wall, cherry blossom petals litter the ground and wall behind her. Sooyoung is standing there awkwardly as Jinsoul pulls the camera up, backing away into the street.

Sooyoung stands hunched, her fist floating by her sides, “I didn’t know you wore glasses.”

Jinsoul groans, “shut up and smile.”

Sooyoung listens. Smiling awkwardly and scared, Jinsoul snaps the first shot. Testing it out. She brings it down and glares at Sooyoung who was unsure what to do. “Can you know...be you.” Jinsoul asks her and Sooyoung glances around, before posing. It takes a few tries at first, Jinsoul pretends to be taking pictures before Sooyoung starts to relax. That’s when she really starts pressing the snapshot.

Jinsoul groans when Sooyoung poses just how she wants her to. The older girl leans back onto the wall, putting one hand in her pocket, pushing the blazer behind her elbow while the other arm hangs naturally. Her legs cross in front of each other and Sooyoung tilts at an angle. Just as if it couldn’t get better, the wind blows and so do the cherry blossoms. Sooyoung’s…

“Perfect.” Jinsoul presses down as much as she can, but then Sooyoung ruins it by walking towards her. 

“Enough you’ve taken like fifty now.” Sooyoung groans and tries to take the camera out of her hands. Just when it was starting to get good, Sooyoung had to get shy. 

Jinsoul raises the camera up and away from Sooyoung’s grasp, “fifty isn’t enough!” But Jinsoul forgets how tall Sooyoung is, and she’s in heels while Jinsoul only threw her sneakers on. The camera is snatched from her and she whines as Sooyoung keeps it away from her. Jinsoul glares at her and crosses her arms, Sooyoung can’t help but laugh at the pitiful pout, “have I ever told you how annoying you can be?”

Sooyoung smirks, “plenty of times...but have I ever told you how pretty you are?” Jinsoul blushes and turns away, “one picture, and you can take however many you want of me.” Sooyoung suggests and Jinsoul’s eyes light up along with her smile. The blonde skips over to the wall, and so does Sooyoung’s heart.

Jinsoul was only wearing an old t-shirt and a pair of tiny athletic shorts, showing off the smoothness of her legs and the thickness of the muscle below them. Sooyoung swallows harshly as she brings the lense up to her eye. 

The blonde wasn’t dressed in much, but Sooyoung couldn’t deny how beautiful Jinsoul really was even in the most simplest of things. 

Sooyoung has a lot of secrets, but her biggest one yet is the one held in this tiny frame. With golden blonde hair, waved down her shoulders. Dark brown eyes, almost black, that haunt her in the night since she can’t stop thinking about how much she loves the shape of them and how pretty they are with gold shimmered around them.

A real life angel, Sooyoung thinks. As Jinsoul smiles for the camera and not her. No, for her to get Jinsoul to smile like that. Brighter than the sunlight, where every feature of hers shines, Sooyoung has to pull out her smoothest voice and all her charm. But she doesn’t mind that it takes all the effort, because it’s worth every second. Seeing Jinsoul smile like that.

She takes a deep breath,  _ perfect _ .  _ Just how perfect can Jung Jinsoul get. _ Sooyoung clicks down, freezing the moment in time, and hopefully the secret as well. Trapping the impulsive thought that travels through her body like venom in the lens. As a memory on film. So it doesn’t continue to weigh her down as she gets closer to Jinsoul.

Jinsoul skips back over to her and Sooyoung doesn’t pay attention to anything but the melody of the blonde’s voice and the flutter of her eyelashes. In a trance, she hopes this is where she can leave behind the intrusive urges. Because she doesn’t want to ruin this. What she’s beginning to have with Jinsoul. She doesn’t want to lose someone like this due to selfish feelings.

So she’ll keep it a secret.

Just like Jinsoul keeps hers.

~~~~

Could not figure out what the hell to do for this chapter, so i made it a filler! Everyone...just take it. Please. I thought this could be the cute transition chapter from frenemies to actually friends before things start to get weird and homoerotic. 

Spoiler for next chapter: ;) 

  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  



	10. The Mansion Part 1

Flipping through numerous records Jinsoul tries to find something that catches her eye. Chewing on her gum loudly, she scratches the back of her head when she comes up with nothing and moves onto the next rack of album covers. Today was hot, just an indication that summer was getting closer. 

She was sweating like crazy despite the record shop having decent air conditioning (doors open and box fans to push the hot air out). Her pink, oversized shirt had no sleeves and her legs were bare thanks to her white shorts. But still she felt like she had a full suit on with how sticky her skin was from the heat.

On the speakers above, Fleetwood mac plays, matching the shop owner who looked like he was stuck in the 70’s. Jinsoul bounces and rolls on her heels as she carefully scans through the rows of music. Softly singing along to the lyrics, she glances behind her to see her friend doing the same. 

It was a small shop, it was colorful with tiny wind chimes at the door, dingling every time the wind blew. Jinsoul scuffs against the carpet with red and orange triangles as a pattern as she makes her way over to Jiwoo. Leaning against the girl, Jinsoul lets her hand sneakily drift to the girl's butt, letting it comfortably sit there as she watches Jiwoo browse through the albums.

Jiwoo seems to not mind, they’ve gotten pretty close over the past month or so and the girl has gotten comfortable with Jinsoul’s groping. “You find anything?” Jiwoo mumbles and Jinsoul blinks out of the daze she was in. Glancing up from Jiwoo’s nimble hands on the plastic coverings, she meets the girl’s gaze and slows her chewing down. 

“Nope.” She pops her lips. Jiwoo then pulls a record out of thin air and slips it in between their faces. Jinsoul didn’t even realize their faces were that close until the record brushed across her nose. Pulling it out of Jiwoo’s hands, she’s amused to see the girl already smiling at her when she comes back into view after the face on the record was replaced with her own.

Taking her hand off Jiwoo’s butt, she grabs the record with both hands and turns to lean back onto the counter. Crossing one leg over the other she reads the details. “Never heard of her.” Jinsoul mumbles out, but the girl on the cover was gorgeous.

“I think you’ll like it, she’s got a nice tone.” Jiwoo explains as Jinsoul hums at her words. She usually liked pop music or funk. Tilting her head she flips it back over, Sade, Promise. Pushing herself off the counter with her hip she wobbles over to the turntable, where she could test out albums. 

Putting the record on she grabs the headphones to slip on. The first song plays and…

Jinsoul listens carefully, only one listen and she knew she’d become addicted to this singer's voice. It reminded her of someone else's, smooth and sultry. Taking the headphones off and slipping the record back into it’s home she holds it under her arm and returns to Jiwoo.

Jiwoo’s holding an album cover that Jinsoul’s all too familiar with, “oh Jiwoo you gotta get that.” 

The girl looks at her and then back, it’s Whitney Houston’s self titled. “Yeah?” 

Jinsoul nods and takes it out of her hands, “for sure, here I’ll buy it for you.” Jiwoo goes to protest but Jinsoul’s already walking towards the counter. The older man has a cigarette hanging out his mouth as he reads a book. He doesn’t even bother looking at Jinsoul as he rings her up, he does it so smoothly that Jinsoul knows he’s been doing this for years.

Kinda reminds her of someone else, and how good they are...damn. Why does Jinsoul keep thinking about her? Jinsoul has no idea why she’s relating everything back to Sooyoung, no matter how much the stretch is. Shaking her head she turns to see Jiwoo with a few more albums of her own. Waiting on the girl to pay Jinsoul spins around in the shop, dancing to the pop song now playing on the speakers.

Jiwoo turns around and wraps her hand around the blonde’s elbow and they walk out together, Jinsoul brushes her fingers across the wind chimes, hearing them dingle one more time. Making their way down the streets, Jinsoul winks at multiple boys, making the girl beside her gag and push her away. They laugh and play together as they head to Jiwoo’s. 

Jinsoul’s relieved to make it to Jiwoo’s, the sun was blistering today and the girl’s apartment was chilling. Groaning she goes to flop on the girl’s bed. Jiwoo’s place was small and cluttered. Her room was full of books, shelf after shelf of hardbacks and papers. In the corner was an old creaky table with a fizzy box TV on top of it. Around it were stacks of vcr tapes, opened and closed, cords all strung around them since Jiwoo was such a film freak.

Turning on the ceiling fan and a strobe ball, soon they both relax into the cool room, thank god Jiwoo had saved up for some air conditioning.

They listened to Whitney as Jinsoul laid upside down on the edge of Jiwoo’s bed and the girl laid below her on the floor. Jinsoul’s mind was racing with a million thoughts, but only one came to light. “You ever been in love?”

Jiwoo snorts, “why you asking something like that for?” Jinsoul shrugs even though Jiwoo can’t see her, the girl’s eyes are closed. It’s a prolonged silence until the girl answers, “yeah, I think I’ve been in love plenty of times.” 

Jinsoul starts to make fun of Jiwoo, laughing as she does so, “ewwww gross.” Flipping off the bed backwards, she goes to read the backs of the books on the shelves, she needs to stop thinking so hard, preoccupying her mind with other things. All she can think about is their last serious conversation.

“Come on Soul, you’ve never been in love?” Jinsoul shifts her lips side to side, brushing the tip of her finger across the spines of novels. No, Jinsoul doesn’t think she’s ever been in love. But she wants to be. God, does she want to be. 

Turning around, Jinsoul goes to sit on Jiwoo’s window seal. There was a long pillow sat there, perfect for lounging around with a perfect view of the city, only covered by a white, lacy curtain. “No not really.” Jiwoo glares at her from the floor and Jinsoul smirks, “what I’m being serious! No one’s ever given me the butterflies ya know...all that lovey dovey shit.” 

The girl rolls her eyes as Jinsoul laughs, “so you’re telling me out of all the boys you’ve dated you’ve not loved one.” Jinsoul hums, she can’t really bring herself to say she has. Sure, she had feelings for some. It was a fleeting feeling, good, but not needed. They’re disposable just like everything else in the world. Jinsoul’s loved before, but not to where she couldn’t move on or live without them. 

She only dated them to use them for what’s in their pockets and for just a bit of attention. Not because she actually enjoyed their company or anything like that. So could she really call it love?

No, she couldn’t...she got too annoyed easily. It was too easy to cut them off in the end when it got serious. It was too easy pretending to be a bitch so that they’d leave her alone. That couldn’t be love. Not what Jinsoul dreams about or what she sees in the movies. She saw herself as a hopeless romantic, but how could she be when she’s never been close to the feeling. 

Love had to exist right?

“Then what’s it like? Falling in love.” She asks carefully. Jinsoul has been in love before, but not with a person. She has that sweater that she loves, she wonders how intense it would be if she found the equivalent with a person.

Jiwoo raises up onto her elbow, “I don’t know, it’s different every time.” The girl looks down on the floor, searching for the right words. “It isn’t perfect, but it feels right.” Jinsoul is smiling, but it drops when she hears those words. “Being with that person, the first time you meet them, you think _ oh _ where have you been my whole life!” Jiwoo rambles on, talking from her own experiences. 

“Yeah?” She’s had that feeling...like she’s been searching for the right person and they just appear out of nowhere. She hates how the first person that pops in her mind is Sooyoung. Jinsoul clenches her jaw, as if she’d ever love that loser. As if Sooyoung would ever love someone like her…

The thing about Sooyoung is, well Jinsoul can’t pretend around her. No matter how much she wants to. Because it didn’t work. Sooyoung seemed to like every side of her, even the worst. 

Jinsoul leans her head back onto the window, the sun has made it warm, just like her chest has become from the touch of Jiwoo’s words. “Falling in love is weird, I think it’s between the want and need you feel from a person, or really when those two feelings become one. When those feelings become one, that when you want someone, you end up needing them as well just as bad.” Jiwoo explains as clearly as the spring day outside of the walls of this room. Jinsoul understands, that one feeling is easy to handle, when you want someone, but needing someone is when it becomes dangerous.

Taking a deep breath she admits one of her biggest secrets, “I think I almost fell in love once.” Jiwoo looks at her surprised, “but before I really needed them, I let them go.” 

They share a look and Jiwoo smiles, “maybe that’s a good thing. Wanting someone is the fun part, but when you need them, that’s when love hurts.” 

Jinsoul rolls her eyes, “and that’s why it’s for losers.” They laugh together and Jinsoul hops up to go lift Jiwoo to her feet, they dance to the song scratching on the turntables. As Jinsoul holds Jiwoo in her arms, she pulls the girl close, “Jiwoo promise me something.” The girl narrows her eyes, studying Jinsoul’s carefully.

“Never let me fall in love.”

_ Don’t let me make the same mistake you made. _

~~~~

Sooyoung isn't sure how she got into this position, well she knows how...first she called Seola, talked a few minutes and with some suggestive words in a lowered and hushed voice, the woman was huffing out that she’d be coming over. 

She doesn’t know  _ why _ she called Seola, that’s the real question. Why she thought it was a good idea to tell the woman she missed her and how she wishes she was there to hold her. Which right now was exactly what Seola was doing. Except the woman’s touch was a lot rougher than it used to be or at least of what Sooyoung remembers. It was a little painful and definitely possessive. 

Seola was trying to bruise her on purpose with bites and clinging hands, in hopes of erasing any other woman’s touch that might have been on Sooyoung’s body since the last time they did this. Seola wants Sooyoung in a way she can’t have her. Sooyoung’s made it clear plenty of times, she’ll never want to be someones, for someone to think they own a part of her. 

Be it her loyalty or trust, Sooyoung hates when a lover of hers gets controlling or jealous. She hates when they say ‘ _ you're mine _ .’

Because Sooyoung is nobody’s.

Feelings get too complicated with labels and claiming another’s heart. That’s when it gets annoying for Sooyoung, when she ends up hurting someone even though she warned them of the exact thing they get their heart-broken over. Because Sooyoung doesn’t like hurting anyone, she just can’t do it. She can’t trust anyone these days. Sooyoung blames her issues on commitment, her fear of change and getting her own heart broken. Of how dangerous it is to be with someone.

But she doesn’t have to try hard, she never gets attached. It’s easy for her to cut someone off after they’ve started to catch something more than just an attraction. It’s such a burden when she has to deal with someone's heart.

Kissing Seola now reminds her how she does care for this woman. But she doesn’t love her, she’ll never be able to. Seola gave Sooyoung her heart without asking and now the younger woman is dealing with the consequences. Seola thinks she owns Sooyoung, that’s her biggest mistake yet. 

However, Sooyoung does hate being alone. But this a new type of loneliness, one that a quick fuck with someone she’s comfortable with won’t fix. No, because Sooyoung only thinks of one person while Seola sneaks her hands beneath the waistband of her shorts. How this person has created a whole new feeling of loneliness in Sooyoung’s already hollowed out chest. It's the worst, because it frustrates Sooyoung. 

That she’s the one getting attached. 

That she can’t fix it herself, that she has to rely on that  _ girl _ to make it better.

Because she hasn’t called...despite their promise or deal or whatever they called it. Sooyoung feels extra lonely because it’s all she’s been waiting for and it hasn’t happened. 

And Seola’s touch that used to be fire is now lukewarm so she pushes her off, “stop Seola.” She breaks their lips apart to breathe out, at first the woman on top doesn’t listen but when she realizes Sooyoung is grumbling beneath her and she’s not as wet as she usually is, Seola rolls off with a pant or two.

“Sorry, used to when you said stop it just meant you were gonna cum.” Sooyoung slightly blushes at her ex’s words. But Seola is beginning to understand this isn’t a reconnection, but more of a closure between them. Sooyoung’s become bored, as she always does. With how the new has worn off and now all that lingers is Seola’s feelings to be more than just  _ this _ .

But a new fire has started in Sooyoung’s chest, hotter than it ever has been. “Can we just talk?” Sooyoung doesn’t want her to leave, because then she’ll be left with these thoughts. How she’s bitter that Jinsoul hasn’t called her once, or that she’s worried that the blonde really didn’t remember her number. Hell, she’s still mad she doesn’t have Jinsoul’s.

It’s like she’s the one being played and Sooyoung can’t stand it. She can’t stand that she’s not the one in control, that she’s being beaten at her own game. 

Sooyoung blames her obsession with the blonde on those facts alone...except deep down she knows it’s much more than that.

“Since when do you ever want to just talk Sooyoung.” Seola’s right, it’s always been about sex. But not tonight. She needs someone to stop her from needing Jinsoul. Sooyoung vowed to not get into Jinsoul, but the girl was like a quicksand. Once she got stuck and struggled, the deeper she sunk in. 

She promises to herself that she’ll destroy this attraction. The only reason she has it is because Jinsoul’s like no other girl she’s had before, when then it was easy, but the blonde is hard to play with and beautiful and has a sweetness to her…

Sooyoung groans and covers her face, it’s addicting, Jinsoul is so addicting, like a new candy and Sooyoung’s got quite the sweet tooth. All she wants is more and more of Jinsoul, getting through the sour exterior until she’s hit the honeyed core. Sooyoung convinces herself it’s because it’s new, that'll wear off soon. Sooyoung convinces herself that if she falls into old habits, Jinsoul would be just like the rest of them, and her feelings would never bloom. At least she won’t have to hurt Jinsoul. 

And that’s the other thing that’s different. For the first time, Sooyoung’s worried about ruining it. Because she doesn’t want to lose Jinsoul when in the past she didn’t care if she ended up making someone hate her. She won’t play Jinsoul because the blonde has been nothing but good to her.

_ She doesn’t want to hurt Jinsoul. _

Then again, it’s been hard. When Jinsoul’s that perfect. She haunts Sooyoung, constantly on her mind. It’s proven a challenge to get rid of this infatuation she has with the blonde. Just as it would be a challenge to get Jinsoul to fall for her. It’s a double edged sword and for the first time, Sooyoung’s not being selfish and letting herself be the one that gets stuck with the blade.

“If we’re not gonna fuck and get back together than what I am still doing here.” Sooyoung snorts and the clouded thoughts of blonde and perfect brown eyes fade with the irritation that Seola is in fact, still a bitch. 

Sooyoung turns to her side as Seola pulls her discarded shirt back on, “when were we ever together? I’m pretty sure I said no to all the times you asked me to be your girlfriend.” 

Seola’s shoulder’s slump but then they shake with laughter, “you’re right. I’m the idiot thinking that there’s still a chance.” There’s a sadness to the tone and Sooyoung realizes she’s fully broken this woman. “I just missed you and part of me was hoping it’d be different. That you’d be different.”

Sooyoung sighs when Seola turns back to her, glossy eyes stare into hers. Swallowing the lump down her throat she asks, “do you hate me?”

It doesn’t take a second for the woman to reply, “no, not at all. I wouldn’t have fallen for you if you weren’t the way you are.” Sooyoung feels a bit of a tug at her heart. Sure, being confessed to her makes her a bit high, but the annoying swirl in her tummy is stronger. “It’s not your fault, you didn’t ask me to love you. In fact you begged me not to, it’s my mistake for not listening.” 

She did, she remembers exactly when she told Seola to not fall for her. They had slept together a few times, but one time too many. Because along the line, Sooyoung knew by the way the woman gazed at her, she thought they were making love...when it was only sex for Sooyoung. After, when Seola tried to hold her, Sooyoung had pushed her off and voiced that it had gone too far.

“I’m sorry.” Sooyoung apologizes, it’s not entirely empty, she does feel for Seola for sticking around this long.

The woman smiles, “it’s okay..” Sooyoung turns away from her, pushing down her shirt that had ridden up from Seola’s rough hands. “I don’t regret it, I feel like in some way I got to know you more than anyone else has ever.” Sooyoung rolls her eyes, if that’s what Seola wants to believe then so be it. The woman was probably saying that for her own benefit, so that she doesn’t think loving Sooyoung was in vain. 

“Right, and what do you know about me?” Huffing out she ignores the heavy hand that snakes back around her waist, pushing up to scratch at her scar. 

For some reason, that scares Sooyoung. Seola’s seen her scar, deep and nasty as it is. She’s asked plenty of times even though she’s only got a steely stare in return. Sooyoung doesn’t speak of it, and hates when lovers point it out. That’s when Sooyoung grew tired of Seola, as soon as she asked about it. Funny thing was, she asked the first time she saw it and their relationship was doomed from the beginning. 

“That you’re protecting something deep down inside, you don’t want anyone to love you in fear of them knowing. So that’s why you act like you’re a bad person...why you pushed me away from the beginning. You pretend that you like breaking hearts to save your own.” Sooyoung listens to the words carefully and licks her lips at the truth trapped in them. “I couldn’t help but fall though, you’re bad at pretending Sooyoung. But I know I’m not the one you’ll be real with.” 

Seola pulls away then, the dip of the mattress bounces up and Sooyoung sinks into her covers as she watches her ex-lover go. “You don’t want me to love you, so I’ll listen.” Sooyoung wants to shove her out the door. She doesn’t like that smirk on Seola’s face, the woman probably thinks Sooyoung’s afraid of falling for her.

No, it isn’t her who she’s afraid of. Seola was the one who Sooyoung used for a distraction. Locking the door as she leaves, Sooyoung drags herself back to her room and flops down on the bed.

Looking at her phone she sighs.

Seola’s not the one she’s afraid of. She hasn’t been afraid since...

And now, Jinsoul’s the one who Sooyoung fears.

~~~~

What Jinsoul can’t understand is why the hell is she so nervous. Pulling her mirror out of her hand bag one last time she checks her makeup and lip gloss. After adjusting her abnormally large red earrings she turns to Xiaojun, “is my perfume too much?” 

The boy who’s applying body glitter to his chest glares at her, “hmm let me think...NO!” Jinsoul cringes when he screams at her, clearly aggravated. “It’s fine, just like it was five minutes ago when you asked, and when you asked-”

“Okay I get it!” Jinsoul groans out and rolls her eyes. “Asshole,” she says as an afterthought. She just wanted to be perfect tonight. No particular reason, maybe because it was the first time they were all going out together in a long time. Doyeon, Yoojung, and Xiaojun. Apparently, Kai had started banging some rich housewife and her husband was out of the country this weekend. And of course to impress the boy, she had allowed him to throw a party.

Kai had invited all of them. They were allowed to have a plus one since Kai had invited at least a hundred people. He was pretty popular, even more so than his brother Minho. Which was a part of why Jinsoul was nervous about tonight. She didn’t want to deal with her ex who was bound to say something to her. Kai warned her that Minho had been thinking of asking her to get back together. 

Yoojung mumbles, “When is she supposed to be here?” Jinsoul’s reminded of the real reason she’s nervous. The real reason she put on her best outfit and her expensive perfume. Why she styled her hair for hours with the excessive use of aquanet and made her skin glow with body glitter. The reason she shaved from head to toe and didn’t eat the entire day. 

She doesn’t know why she did all this…Jinsoul had on a tiny black dress on with thigh slits cut deep. It was a thin material and she had wrapped it to her body with a red belt around the waist. To keep herself from freezing to death she wore sheer tights and long black gloves. The only thing covering her decently was the large red leather jacket over her shoulders.

It’s entirely too extra, but any less she would have been self-conscious. Jinsoul is aggravated because for once in her life she wasn’t dressing solely for herself.

“Was supposed to be here like twenty mintutes ago.” Doyeon says casually. 

Jinsoul feels bad for making her friends wait on her plus one when they were ready to go. “You guys can go on, I’ll wait for her.” See the thing is, Sooyoung wasn’t the first person Jinsoul asked to go to the party with her. Her first choice was Hyun-min, Haseul and Hye-lin. Or who she called Triple H, but of course she knew what the answer was. They hated parties. Apparently Jiwoo does too...and so does Jungeun.

So she was left with her last choice (or really who she wanted to ask from the start but got too shy), Sooyoung who loved parties. Jinsoul was a little too relieved when Sooyoung said yes, and realized that she didn’t ask Sooyoung in the beginning was because she was too afraid of rejection.

Jinsoul still couldn’t even bring herself to call Sooyoung despite their deal. Because the thought of hearing Sooyoung’s voice over the phone made her stomach turn. Since when did she get so shy?

Xiaojun tilts his head, “you sure Soul? We don’t mind waiting.” The boy didn’t like going to places without Jinsoul. They always had fun together and kept each other out of shit. Jinsoul shakes her head. 

“No I promise, I invited her, not you guys.” The three of them linger, not wanting to leave Jinsoul alone in case Sooyoung doesn’t show up. They’d hate to leave what will make the party fun behind. “Go! I’ll be fine...I’ll catch up with you all later.”

Reluctantly the three start to head to the party. Leaving Jinsoul by herself on the corner of the street. It was almost dark, maybe another ten minutes the sun would be set. She glances around and hates how nauseous she’s become, but underneath the turmoil Jinsoul can’t help but be excited. 

It’s worse when the distraction of her friends leaves. She’s left alone with her heavy thoughts and doubts. What if Sooyoung’s a no show? Jinsoul thinks if she was stood up she’d rather just go home and cry herself to sleep.

Jinsoul groans at herself. Yeah fucking right. Like she’d let the absence of Sooyoung ruin her night. She’ll give the older girl ten more minutes, and then she’ll race to catch up to her friends to have a good night with them. Because she could always rely on them to not disappoint her.

But then nine minutes pass…

Jinsoul can’t believe how much it bothers her. Usually she doesn’t care about shit like this but Sooyoung has torn right through her. Maybe it was because Jinsoul put in all this effort for her. Or that she trusted that she’d come. 

About to turn and forget about the empty feeling in her chest she hears a faint voice, “JINSOUL!” It’s in the distance, like a scream. Looking around she groans when she sees Sooyoung racing towards her. Jinsoul doesn’t know whether to be relieved or aggravated. Sooyoung is here, she was sprinting to get here.

Jinsoul crosses her arms and doesn’t allow the older girl to see to pure amusement and joy that she feels to see Sooyoung out of breath and right in front of her. Sooyoung looks good, as always. So good and Jinsoul begins to think that it was worth the wait. Jinsoul grinds her teeth as Sooyoung slows to a stop in front of her, bending down to rest her hands on her knees and to catch her breath. 

Sooyoung is sucking air and reaches up to hold onto her but Jinsoul steps back, still bitter. The older girl’s hand waves in front of her trying to find something to grab onto. “You’re late freak.” Sooyoung laughs at the insult, still trying to find leverage. 

“I know, I got caught up at work and tried to get ready as fast as I could.” Jinsoul should take the girl’s excuse into consideration. She did run here...Sooyoung raises up to hold her shoulder and Jinsoul pushes the hand off with a grimace.

Sooyoung seems to be offended that Jinsoul won’t let her touch her, “will you stop? Your hand is all sweaty and gross.” Sooyoung keeps trying to lay her hand on her shoulder so Jinsoul grabs one of the grubby fingers and holds it at a distance.

Jinsoul finally makes eye contact with Sooyoung and all the air escapes from her longs. She knows she saw Sooyoung just a few days ago, but Jinsoul missed those soft black eyes. The ones staring straight through her right now. “Don’t tell me you’re mad at me princess.” 

“I told you to stop calling me that.” Jinsoul snaps, continuing to hold Sooyoung’s finger as if it was something dead and toxic. Jinsoul pushes it away from her and turns to start walking, pretending not to care if Sooyoung follows her or not. But she does...she cares a lot. So much she almost stops to turn when she doesn’t hear footsteps behind her.

But then she does, as Sooyoung jogs to catch up to her. The force of a body bumps into her back as Sooyoung throws an arm around her shoulders and pulls her into her side. Jinsoul doesn’t like that her heart drops at how perfectly she fits into Sooyoung’s side and how right it feels when Sooyoung wraps her arm around her. So she pushes her away with a harsh shove, “ew get off me!”

Jinsoul shudders in disgust, even though it was the best feeling she’s had all day having Sooyoung pressed against her. Jinsoul tries to pretend her head isn’t in the clouds thinking about how this night is going to go. She’s gonna spend it all with Sooyoung. She couldn’t be more excited...or nervous.

Sooyoung wobbles away, laughing at how stubborn the blonde is. The older girl steps back next to her, Jinsoul notices she’s put her hands in the back pockets of her jeans. While her steps are short and powerful, Sooyoung’s strides are long and lazy as if she doesn’t have to try to keep up with her. 

Jinsoul’s heels click loudly on the pavement as Sooyoung’s sneakers scuff in comparison. “Aren’t you happy to see me?” Sooyoung asks in a teasing voice.

“No.” Jinsoul huffs. 

Sooyoung smiles anyways, “you’re a liiiar~” The older girl sings out before tossing her arm back around the blonde’s shoulder. Jinsoul allows it this time but doesn’t lean into her side. She crosses her arms as Sooyoung awkwardly drapes over her. The taller girl brings her face closer, near Jinsoul’s ear that slowly flushes with color as a hot breath runs over it, “you have no idea how happy I am to see you.” 

Jinsoul fights the smile that breaks onto her face with a hard bite to her bottom lip. She hopes Sooyoung doesn’t catch it. But by the way the older girl is staring down at her lips when Jinsoul side glances her, she knows Sooyoung doesn’t believe her tough act. 

But Jinsoul is persistent, rolling her eyes at the knowing smirk that grows on Sooyoung’s face. Turning her face away from Sooyoung's, she uncrosses her arms to grab one of Sooyoung’s fingers again, carefully lifting it with the hand to slide it off her shoulder. Once the heat of Sooyoung’s touch is off of her, Jinsoul can concentrate again on not falling for the girl’s irresistible charm , “if you don’t stop touching me....” Jinsoul warns. 

Sooyoung only takes it as a challenge, “oh so you’re gonna be like that huh? What happened to us not pretending anymore?” 

“I only pretended to hate you...never over the fact that you annoy the fuck outta me.” Jinsoul says with an innocence to her voice. “Baby this isn’t me being fake, you’re naturally obnoxious and in turn it naturally irks me.” Sooyoung clenches her jaw, but in a way that Jinsoul knows it’s because she can’t stand the way she calls her baby. So sweet with an underlying poison. 

Jinsoul does think Sooyoung’s stupid. Stupidly cute. Especially the way she pouts up after Jinsoul’s warning. But she isn’t faking it. It’s extremely annoying how easily the girl gets under her skin.

But she could never hate Sooyoung. Not with a face like that. And that’s the reason she calls her baby when the rest of her friends receive babe...because Sooyoung’s a bit too adorable and it tugs at Jinsoul’s heart strings. Jinsoul won’t be an idiot though. She won’t turn into some sap, melting at Sooyoung’s sweetness. No, she’s got a lot more dignity than that. She’d rather be caught dead than swooning over Sooyoung, or acting the way it corresponds to what she feels inside.

Jinsoul knows she’s won when Sooyoung finally shuts up. Only walking beside her with a mopey expression. Jinsoul walks a bit looser, less tense than before once she starts to relax in Sooyoung’s presence. But then she starts to miss the warmth of Sooyoung’s body against hers. “I waited forever for you. I didn’t think you were coming.” She admits, not wanting the silence between them anymore.

Sooyoung glances at her and steps a little closer to dodge the other people on the sidewalk. “Yeah? How long.”

“Forever...I just told you.” Sooyoung glares at her so Jinsoul clears her throat. “Like forty minutes or whatever.” 

The girl takes one more step closer to her, and not to dodge sidewalk traffic this time. The blonde lets herself smile, “what can I do to make it up?” 

Jinsoul pretends to think, squinting one eye closed as she leans her head back. “Hmm you can start by apologizing.” 

Sooyoung giggles, “and after that?” Jinsoul glares at her, of course Sooyoung wouldn’t apologize just to get on her nerves. 

“You could at least tell me that I look nice.” Really she’s a bit disappointed that Sooyoung hasn’t said anything. She had expectations for when the older girl first saw her. That her jaw would drop and her eyes would crawl over her. That Sooyoung’s face would turn pink and her words would stutter out. But no, Sooyoung hasn’t even made an attempt at telling her how good she looks.

But of course, Sooyoung knows exactly how to fix it. “Are you sure? It’ll take all night long for me to finish telling you how good you look.” Jinsoul stops in the middle of the pavement. As Sooyoung faces her, the world doesn’t stop around them even though it feels like it. People continue to pass by them, but the bubble around them freezes as Sooyoung mumbles out, “there’s not enough words to describe how beautiful you are.” 

There’s something with the way that Sooyoung draws her in with that smooth voice. That makes Jinsoul want to get as close as possible to her and forget that there’s an entire world around them, it didn’t matter to Jinsoul, since Sooyoung was becoming the center of hers.

“Maybe you can tell me a few.” Jinsoul’s eager to hear just a bit of what’s going through Sooyoung’s mind. Her heart is in her throat. She’s been told she’s beautiful all her life, but none of those times compares to how Sooyoung looks at her. The older girl’s stare is more convincing than when she’s ever being told. 

Sooyoung gazes into her eyes, “perfect.” Jinsoul sucks in a breath as Sooyoung’s gaze travels down torturously slow. Jinsoul thinks she’s being eaten alive by that glint in Sooyoung’s eyes as they flicker back up and to her own. “So perfect it might get me in trouble.” Her tummy twists at the words, but with an iron will she begins to walk again. Leaving Sooyoung behind for the older girl to bite her lip and softly groan.

Jinsoul smirks when the older girl quickly catches back up to her. The blonde struts and flicks her hair back in Sooyoung’s face in a glamorous way, “please I don’t need you to drool over me. I already know I look amazing.” Jinsoul turns slightly to wink at Sooyoung, who only sighs in return trying to swipe a stray piece of blonde hair from her face.

“Then why’d you ask me?”

“Because I wanted to see how easy it would be to make you admit that you’re obsessed with me.” Jinsoul mocks, “if you ask me...it was a piece of cake.” Sooyoung frowns at her, clearly not happy in being tricked into looking like she was a love-struck fool. 

Sooyoung argues, “or maybe you secretly love it when I tell you how pretty you are.” Sooyoung sneaks an arm around her waist, almost posessively. “That you care about what I think of you.”

“Ugh as if.” Jinsoul twists out of Sooyoung’s hold and whines, “I don’t need you to tell me I’m perfect Sooyoung, I already know I am. Like I’d ever care about what you think of me.” She lies just a little bit. Sure she cares about what Sooyoung thinks of her...but if Sooyoung didn’t like her it wouldn’t be a big deal. Or if she didn’t think she was pretty or perfect. No big deal at all.

She’d just cry about it. Just a little bit.

“Oh I know that...I never said my opinion mattered. But are you sure it doesn’t have a little bit to do with the fact that you love it when I admire you?” Sooyoung asks her to try to save herself from being made a mockery by Jinsoul.

The blonde only laughs lightly and Sooyoung gets stuck on her smile. It’s so bright and it warms Sooyoung’s chest to an impossible temperature. Jinsoul shakes her head ‘ _ no _ ’ while cheesing at Sooyoung, “nuh uh.” 

Jinsoul’s messing with her and she hates how Sooyoung starts to sulk, but it’s too good of a victory to give in. The blonde knows Sooyoung doesn’t really think she’s that vain. She’s told plenty of times how insecure she is.

Sooyoung soon smiles again, that soft one that pulls at her lips. “You know blondie, I don’t get you sometimes.” Jinsoul is walking in front of her, but when a strand of her hair is pulled she winces and matches Sooyoung’s pace to draw back her fist. But Sooyoung steps away from her before she’s hit, “one second you’re begging for my attention and-”

“I do not beg!”

The older girl ignores her, continuing to talk after she’s interrupted, “and the next you act like it’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you.” 

Jinsoul rolls her eyes and pushes at Sooyoung’s shoulder, “because you’re weird.” She huffs as Sooyoung’s brow raises, clearly not buying it. “If you were normal it wouldn’t be a problem.” Yeah, it’s because Jinsoul knows Sooyoung’s secret that she gets so hot under the girl’s stare. The reason her heart flutters at her words. If Sooyoung was ‘ _ normal _ ’ Jinsoul wouldn’t have all these weird scenarios running through her head.

_ Damn you Jiwoo. _

But something tells Jinsoul that even if Jiwoo didn’t spill the beans, she’d still feel this way around Sooyoung. It seemed this connection they had was inevitable. 

It’s just...having Sooyoung’s attention is addicting in all the ways it shouldn’t be. And if Sooyoung was normal, Jinsoul wouldn’t be able to have an ounce of hope for the fantasies that live in her head. She wishes Sooyoung was normal.

So she could crush the lingering thoughts with a hammer of disappointment.

But no. Sooyoung is, well, Sooyoung. And there’s just the slightest chance that- Jinsoul stops herself from getting too far ahead. She doesn’t actually hope that Sooyoung likes her like that. 

Sooyoung sighs softly, “I have a feeling that you wouldn’t like me as much if I was just normal.” Jinsoul’s not for sure what Sooyoung means, but she isn’t given time to think about it as the older girl darts into an alleyway.

“Wait, where are you going! The party is this way!” Jinsoul screams as Sooyoung disappears into the darkness.

The older girl’s voice calls back, “short cut!”

Jinsoul weighs her options, she could just go on without Sooyoung. Or she could follow the girl. But she wouldn’t hear the end of it if she got lost on the way or worse, Sooyoung appeared without her. Bouncing on her heels in a little temper tantrum, Jinsoul groans up towards the dark clouds of the night. 

After she’s done huffing and puffing, she jogs the best as she can in her heels to catch up to Sooyoung who was secretly waiting on her at the end of the alleyway.

This girl was gonna kill Jinsoul. The cause of death?

Heart attack.

~~~~

Yoojung was holding two drinks in her hand as she watched her girlfriend take shot after shot after shot. She was playing a drinking game with some guy she didn’t know the name of, but the longer she stood there, the more she got bored.

Doyeon finishes as the guy hurls over to throw up all over the beautiful tile flooring. Yoojung felt a little bad about being here, this house was gorgeous and abstract. The living room was even prettier than the wood and marble kitchen. Her girlfriend struggles to make it over to where she’s sitting on the kitchen counter but when she does, Yoojung realizes just how drunk Doyeon is.

“Baby I won.” Yoojung leans away from Doyeon’s lips and shakes her head tightly. Her girlfriend seems a bit confused at first but then remembers where they are and quickly backs away from where she had shuffled in between Yoojung’s legs. 

Doyeon pouts up at first, leaning onto the counter with her elbows but after Yoojung hands her drink and whispers in her ear to wait until they get home, a smile shortly replaces the pout. 

Yoojung sighs deeply, she wishes she could be more open with Doyeon. But after taking a quick glance around the kitchen, catching some bad stares, she knows it would only continue to be a dream. 

The double doors to the kitchen burst open and Yoojung can’t help but squeal when she sees her best friend forcing her way inside. Linked onto her elbow, is none other than Sooyoung. While Jinsoul seems a bit pissed about the crowd, Sooyoung looks like a deer stuck in headlights. It wouldn’t surprise Yoojung if the older girl only came to this party for Jinsoul. 

The blonde searches the kitchen and when their eyes meet, Jinsoul drags Sooyoung over by the elbow. Hopping off the counter and shoving the drinks into Doyeon’s hands, she jumps into Jinsoul’s arms. They bounce in a circle while screaming as Doyeon and Sooyoung acknowledge each other awkwardly.

“Drink?” Doyeon asks Sooyoung and holds a cup up. Sooyoung is about to decline, but thinks she’ll need something to calm her nerves. She didn’t do good in crowds. Settling beside Doyeon she chugs the drink given to her in one go, but almost chokes on it when the intoxicated girl mumbles, “thought you didn’t do relationships.” 

Sooyoung feels heat rise to her cheeks, Doyeon was obviously referring to Jinsoul, “it isn’t like that.” She mutters out a little too panicky. 

The two in front of them are oblivious to the conversation they’re having. Jinsoul and Yoojung talk a mile a minute, as the blonde catches up on what’s already happened at the party. “Then what’s it like Sooyoung? It isn’t like you to be friendly.” 

Sooyoung rolls her eyes, “what...is it that hard to wrap your mind around it.”

“Yeah, you don’t like having friends unless you’re fucking them.” Sooyoung glares at Doyeon who only smirks, “ah I’m just fucking with you, loosen up.” Doyeon snickers while knocking her elbow into Sooyoung’s shoulder as the shorter girl grumbles and sits her cup to the side.

Jinsoul tries to keep up with Yoojung, it’s clear the girl is tipsy and her lover is just as bad. She wishes she knew what those two were talking about. Because Sooyoung was blushing a dark red and staring holes through her. Jinsoul shivered under the deep gaze. “Oh fuck I almost forgot, Minho is here. He’s already been looking for you.” 

The blonde groans as a lump catches in her throat. Great, just what she needed. Jinsoul would try her best to avoid him tonight. All she needed to do was keep to her friends and not drink that much.

Turning her head, she meets Sooyoung’s stare. It’s dark, and Jinsoul doesn’t like how it makes her stomach turn. So she quickly faces Yoojung again. “Is she being an asshole? I can get Doyeon to set her straight.” Jinsoul blinks and tries to not laugh. Yeah right, like Doyeon’s teddy bear persona could scare Sooyoung. Which permitting, they both had mean looks, but were soft and mushy on the inside.

“No she’s fine. Just...I don’t know, she makes me nervous.” Yoojung raises a brow, “I mean look at her Yoojung, she’s overwhelmingly pretty.” Jinsoul breaks out into a whine when Yoojung’s eyes widen and she realizes what she just admitted. First of all, Jinsoul never gets nervous. Second of all, she just said that Sooyoung (her mortal enemy) is so pretty, the blond can’t stand it. 

Yoojung is about to say something stupid, so before she does Jinsoul forces her hand over her mouth, “don’t, please pretend I wasn’t a total loser just then and help me get drinks.” Jinsoul stares at the numerous bottles and first makes what she wants, then wings it when making Sooyoung’s.

It isn’t until she’s walking back she gets a full glimpse at Sooyoung’s appearance. The girl is wearing matching jeans and jacket with sherpa lining. Underneath the jacket is where Jinsoul stares harder, since most of Sooyoung’s tummy is exposed. Her silk shirt was knotted between her breasts and the multiple necklaces that Sooyoung’s wearing hangs low. 

Jinsoul hums satisfied as she continues to check the girl out. Sooyoung’s talking to Doyeon when both Yoojung and Jinsoul return. The blonde shoves the drink into Sooyoung’s hand and the girl pauses in her conversation to stare at her. Sooyoung’s eyes travel to the cup, “you made me a drink?” 

Downing her own Jinsoul only gives her a thumbs up, of course Sooyoung hands it back to her. “Sorry, I don’t really drink, I’ve already had enough.” Jinsoul glares at her as the drink she made with special care and love is dangling in front of her face.

“C’mon don’t be a pussy.” Jinsoul fights the laugh that’s rumbling in her chest when Sooyoung narrows her eyes dangerously. 

Yoojung and Doyeon watch as the two beside them go from giving each other heart eyes to going at each other’s throats. It’s a bit entertaining, how Jinsoul gets easily pissed at Sooyoung and how the older girl knows exactly what to say to get the blonde riled up. 

But then Jinsoul rolls her eyes and flips her teased hair, “you know what, forget it. Ugh you’re so boring Sooyoung I’m gonna go find someone who wants to have fun!” Jinsoul flips her off as she struts away and Sooyoung only frowns before turning to the two who were plastered.

Jinsoul walked through the crowd, everyone was dancing in the living room. It made Jinsoul kinda sad because this house was gorgeous. The carpet was all kinds of messed up, and the mini bar in the middle had been drowned in beer in liquor as people danced on the counters and into the lower leveled center. 

Near where she walked in at, was a series of full length mirrors with elegant drapes and outside a fountain poured in front of the house. There was some sort of spiral staircase but the column between was an aquarium. Whoever owned this place was gonna be mad to see it destroyed. The angled couch with blue cushions had been torn apart and flipped over. 

Jinsoul shakes her head and makes her way to the center of where everyone’s dancing. Quickly losing herself to music she forgets she’s supposed to be looking out for someone. She’s dancing with some girl when she feels rough calloused hands grab onto her hips. Jinsoul tenses up and turns around, groaning when she sees that smile. 

“Hey baby.” 

“Minho get the fuck off me!”

Jinsoul pushes against his chest but he pulls her closer while laughing, clearly drunk off his ass. Minho’s not a bad guy so Jinsoul gives in and dances with him. He tries to pull them front to front but Jinsoul keeps him at bay and rocks side to side with him. She can’t help but snort when he tries to wiggle his hips sexily. 

Maybe she missed him a little bit. 

He was funny, but not as attractive as he used to be. He leans forward, “I miss you.” Jinsoul grimaces and almost breaks her back with how far she jerks away. Okay, she didn’t really miss him after all. Because she gags at the smell that comes from his breath.

She pushes at his shoulders and glares up at him, “you smell like rotten cheese and you’re lactose intolerant explain to me how that even happens.” He pouts up at her and Jinsoul feels icky, “you know what, no. Get off me for real.” Jinsoul was starting to get angry. She wanted to have fun, and the groping hands on her ass was not fun. The hands were too big and rough. 

“Baby please don’t be mean to me!” Minho starts to whine and Jinsoul looks at him like he’s grown a toe on his forehead. 

Smacking at his shoulder she lowers her voice, “if you aren't off me in five seconds I’m kicking you in the nuts.” He stares at her all sad but there’s no intention of letting her go. Jinsoul prepares her knee but Minho suddenly turns since someone taps his shoulder. Someone else grabs Jinsoul by the waist and drags her away, the hands a lot softer...more delicate. The way Jinsoul likes it. Minho turns back around to see his hands empty, and the pretty blonde nowhere to be found.

Jinsoul looks up at Sooyoung who was carefully observing her, “you okay?” Jinsoul takes a deep breath, their faces were so close since the crowd was pushing them together. Her breath smelled like mint and Jinsoul didn’t mind being so close, really...she wanted to be closer. Close enough to taste the mint.

She nods her head and backs away, “yeah just dance I wanna forget that happened.” 

But Sooyoung steps back into the space that Jinsoul created and stares down into her eyes longingly, “okay, I’ll make you forget about him.” Jinsoul has to force herself to move after Sooyoung says that. There was something about the tone Sooyoung used that froze her on the spot. 

Thankfully the more they dance the more they drift apart. Sooyoung keeps her word and soon, Jinsoul forgets about Minho entirely. By the time a few songs have passed she’s laughing and smiling at every move Sooyoung does. The older girl is surprisingly great at dancing. She’s fluid and the way she rocks her hips has Jinsoul staring. The blonde doesn’t think she’s had this much fun in forever.

Leaning forward she raises her voice over the music, “you’re decent for someone who sits on her ass all day!” Sooyoung opens her mouth, offended and flips her off before turning around. Jinsoul doesn’t take the view of Sooyoung’s backside for granted. Those jeans fit Sooyoung just right and Jinsoul had to fight the urge to not reach out and touch with an iron will.

Since Sooyoung was ignoring her now Jinsoul sways to the beat. There was a weird theme to all the songs being played.  _ Don’t wanna fall in love _ ... _ Don’t let me be the one _ ... _ tell it to my heart _ ? Whoever was in charge of the music was clearly bitter at a lover. What was even weirder was Jinsoul felt a bit affected by the song’s lyrics when she usually wasn’t. 

Sooyoung was still facing away from her, currently dancing with some random girl. Jinsoul tries to not let it bother her, dancing with some guys next to her. Sooyoung glances behind her shoulder and since Jinsoul was staring hole’s through the girl’s head they lock eyes. Jinsoul blows steam when Sooyoung winks and turns away from her.

She hates being ignored. And she’s a way better dancer than the girl Sooyoung’s with. Jinsoul was the one she came with, so this is just rude. Not being able to stand it anymore she pushes a guy off her and grabs Sooyoung by the elbow to spin her back around to face her. Jinsoul pulls her closer by cupping the back of Sooyoung’s neck and grumbles out, “pay attention to me.” What she meant to say was ‘ _ dance with me’ _ ...but Jinsoul got a little too carried away.

Sooyoung’s eyes darken and they drag down her face to her lips. The blonde ignores it and continues to dance. 

_ On target _ by the Jones girls start to play and Jinsoul pulls Sooyoung into a rhythm with her. They rock back and forth. Sooyoung shimmies her shoulders in contrast to her own and their feet never fumbled over each other. They're good partners when it comes to dancing but anything else they seemed to clash. Sooyoung pulls back and grabs her hand to twirl her. Jinsoul spins on her heel and squeaks when Sooyoung tugs her back so they’re pressed front to front. 

Jinsoul clings onto Sooyoung’s shoulders for balance and she gasps when a hand squeezes at her waist. She can’t stop staring into Sooyoung’s eyes. The blonde wants to stay like this forever. 

Sooyoung has that teasing smirk and Jinsoul already knows the fun is over, “was someone getting jealous?”

Jinsoul groans and pulls Sooyoung down by the collar of her jacket to whisper harshly into her ear, “fuck off.” Pushing Sooyoung back she starts to force herself through the crowd. She doesn’t catch the way Sooyoung’s face turns red.

The blonde doesn’t like how Sooyoung makes her hot in more ways than one. She can’t stand being close to her much longer so she needs to find somewhere to cool down. Jinsoul can’t breathe when Sooyoung’s around.

And she’s starting to realize why.

For a while, ever since Jiwoo had told her. Jinsoul has been trying to bury these contrasting thoughts. Sooyoung doesn’t want her like that, she wouldn’t play her like that. It’s obvious. They’ll only ever be friends. Jinsoul doesn’t know why she can’t get her mind to wrap around that idea.

She can’t wrap her mind around how Sooyoung’s right.

She was jealous.

Because she wants Sooyoung all to herself.

~~~~

So...to be continued for next chapter teehee. Anyways what I was trying to show in the first two scenes is that yvesoul are the same kinda lovers. Bad with commitment don’t really feel for nobody. But have different takes on love. Sooyoung has experienced it but clearly doesn’t like it while Jinsoul has never felt like that but really wants to fall in love! 

Well I hope everyone enjoys and as always thanks for reading! 

Spoiler: no kissing

  
  
  


  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  



	11. Update

I know some of you may be waiting for an update. Instead I think you should take the time for what it takes to read a chapter of my work to read through the links I’ve provided below. Please consider signing petitions, donating, and sharing in any way you can. I also hope all of you are staying safe. I’m sure most of you have seen the injustice that black americans and black people around the world have faced. Don’t let your silence be a weapon. Let your voice be support to the lives lost, for the ones fighting for justice, for the ones fighting against this inequality and institutionalized racism. All lives cannot and will not matter, until black lives do. 

A helpful link: <https://t.co/KchZ8FhvLW>

A thread of petitions to sign: <https://twitter.com/esmeatgrlpwr/status/1267771312107331584?s=21>

Donation thread: <https://twitter.com/rosiegguks/status/1266302612250324993?s=21>

Donation thread for black trans people who have lost their lives or in need of help: <https://twitter.com/imanishante/status/1267453848853065728?s=21>

Donate to black lgbtq communities: <https://twitter.com/pl6in/status/1268521861698269185?s=21>

Thread for Breonna Taylor, who still hasn’t received justice: <https://twitter.com/auroraxhsj/status/1268287444048281610?s=21>

Also please sign and consider donating to these funds as well. ICE is a domestic terrorist group that puts the lives of immigrants in danger and at risk, it’s inhumane, so please do not hesitate to help. <https://twitter.com/yoonminfocus/status/1268311499551862785?s=21>


	12. The mansion part 2

Escaping the crowd she’s met with a sorry excuse of a barricade that’s supposed to prevent anyone from going further. Jinsoul struggles over the furniture and starts to walk down the long hall. She wants to be alone, Sooyoung has her way too hot right now in more ways than one.

The thing is, Jinsoul’s been secretly struggling since Jiwoo’s told her all about Sooyoung. The part about Sooyoung playing with girl’s hearts isn’t the problem, nor does it scare her that she especially likes to do it to straight girls (as if Jinsoul would ever be dumb enough to let Sooyoung to toy with her). Jinsoul was confident that Sooyoung didn’t have those intentions with her. Sure, Sooyoung flirted with her and teased her as if she had a crush on Jinsoul. But the blonde knew that could be her just being friendly, it was Sooyoung’s personality. 

Jinsoul hopes that it isn’t Sooyoung’s intentions, to seduce her and eventually break her heart. Because then why was she even friends with the older girl? It would hurt, knowing their friendship, this connection they have was all a hoax. Something for Sooyoung to fake only to get into her pants, to use her. 

So Jinsoul convinces herself that Sooyoung actually likes her...for who she is. Not just because she wants underneath all her clothes. Not because she’s a challenge. Because Jinsoul knows she’s hard to break, and there’s a small, silent fear inside her that tells her that’s exactly why Sooyoung’s stuck around this long. Is that she’s finally found someone that wasn’t easy…

But there’s things that push that fear deep inside, like the fact Sooyoung gets shy around her when Jinsoul decides to be nice for once. If the girl wanted her like that, like Jiwoo warns about, then she’d feed into that right? Instead of pulling away from Jinsoul and telling her to stop it… Sooyoung’s way more comfortable when Jinsoul is being stubborn. 

And then there’s the fact that Sooyoung hasn’t even mentioned liking girls. If anything, she reminds Jinsoul daily that she  _ ‘likes _ ’ men, as if she’s afraid of the blonde knowing the truth.  _ Hypothetically _ speaking, if Jinsoul was gay, she’d make it know as soon as possible to a girl she was trying to pursue. Because one, she’d want it in their mind that she may be interested in them, two, she’d want to know if the girl she likes is down for that or if she’s homophobic. 

So that just proves that Sooyoung’s not actively pursuing her. Still, that doesn’t mean that Jinsoul hasn’t tested Sooyoung in some cases. Jinsoul feels a tad bit guilty for how flirty and touchy she’s gotten with Sooyoung, she knows it’s unfair to the older girl. Because even if she doesn’t see Jinsoul that way or never ever wants her like that, Jinsoul’s painfully aware that Sooyoung’s somewhat attracted to her.

She can see it in the older girl’s eyes sometimes, hear it in the tone of her voice when it drops a couple octaves and becomes raspy. Jinsoul would be lying if she said she didn’t enjoy it. That Sooyoung thinks she’s pretty, because the older girl seems like she could have anyone she wanted. Models, rich girls, singers or actresses. So for Jinsoul, which really the blonde thought of herself as a celebrity, it was an ego boost for Sooyoung to be wrapped up in her at times.

None of that means Sooyoung wants her more than a friend though. Jinsoul understands that. Her relationship with Jiwoo’s the same, Jinsoul likes teasing the girl until she’s a mess, just because of the fact she can, unlike other girls.

Jinsoul gets caught up though. She forgets that she’s not supposed to know Sooyoung’s secret. She forgets she’s trying to not fall into Sooyoung’s game. Jinsoul forgets that she doesn’t want Sooyoung to like her.

Because deep down, it wouldn’t be that bad. If Sooyoung did have a crush on her. 

It would make things messy though, because Jinsoul doesn’t like girls and she didn’t want to hurt Sooyoung. So she knows when too much is too much, like just then when she was dancing with Sooyoung and demanded attention, her jealousy pouring out of her.

Sooyoung’s special to her is all, and she wishes the girl was honest with her. That Sooyoung would trust her and stop pretending. Then she could be special to Sooyoung as well. Jinsoul’s not sure Sooyoung has had many friends like her. Jinsoul will push all these contrasting thoughts out of her head and focus on one thing, making Sooyoung feel safe around her. 

And the thought of someone else being close to Sooyoung like that eats her alive.

Jinsoul shuffles down the empty hallway with a grumble.  _ Stop being so impatient.  _ Sooyoung will trust her in time, they understand each other and she knows Sooyoung’s never met someone like her. Jinsoul will not let Sooyoung’s secret affect the way she acts towards her, not until the older girl tells her herself.

That’s why she needed to be away from Sooyoung for a bit, because her mask was slipping and it was embarrassing. Jinsoul’s pretty sure she has it bad for Sooyoung, she has since the beginning, it’s just now she isn’t trying so hard to hide it.

Trying every door in the hall she gets frustrated when most of them are locked shut. Her heels click on the tile flooring, soon another step echos Jinsoul’s own. 

Stopping she feels fear rush through her when the other step is a little too late to be her own. Turning around she shivers when there’s no one in the narrow hall other than her. It’s getting creepy and Jinsoul continues down the never ending path, only to whine when it starts to get darker.

There’s house plants on either side of the hall and a colorful pattern down the wall to double French doors. If they are locked Jinsoul’s doomed with a dead end and the still stalking footsteps behind her.

She speeds up to the door, eventually jogging the best she can in the heels she’s wearing. Finally she makes it and grabs the handles. Jinsoul gasps when hands clasp over her own. But she knows those hands, she knows how they feel, the way they fit perfectly against her own . Jinsoul rolls them off and shivers at the chills running down her spine, not at the fact she was scared, but by the way hot breath presses against the back of her head, “ugh you’re such a creep!” 

Spinning around in the arms trapping her against the door she glares at Sooyoung who already had a smirk growing on her lips. “I wasn’t done dancing.” Jinsoul pushes on the older girl’s elbows, trying to escape from the proximity, but Sooyoung’s grip on the door is tight and there’s no way Jinsoul can get away from her. 

Jinsoul turns her head away from Sooyoung’s stare, “Okay? And? What does that gotta do with me?” Sooyoung was trying to read her, but Jinsoul wouldn’t allow it. No matter how easy it would be to just look into Sooyoung’s eyes and get lost in them. She keeps her gaze down to the floor and wants to scream when she feels the heat rush to her cheeks. Jinsoul is 100% that the smirk on Sooyoung’s face has grown to a full smile by now. 

She doesn’t know whether she’d rather punch it off...or something the total opposite of that. Either way Jinsoul wanted that smile off Sooyoung’s face because it was making her blush deeper. 

Jinsoul never gets flustered but that seems to be Sooyoung’s talent, pushing at her buttons until they pop under pressure. 

“I was dancing with you.” Sooyoung says lowly, enough where Jinsoul barely hears it under the noisy thump of her heart. Jinsoul was aware of how close Sooyoung was getting and how much warmer the space between them was getting. Her hands in the creases of Sooyoung’s elbows grasp tighter as the older girl leans closer to her. Jinsoul backs up into the door trying to become one with it. 

Nervously laughing she thinks,  _ No you were dancing with that girl _ , but Jinsoul swallows the jealous impulse. Grasping onto the last shred of confidence she has, she looks up into Sooyoung’s eyes and realizes not even if she had a chest full of it she wouldn’t be able to handle how intense the stare has become. 

_ She’s so close _ Jinsoul can count the eyelashes and see the light reflect off those eyes. Fumbling her hands around, she starts to search for the air that’s not there. Her lungs feel like they’re collapsing when she finally finds the hands that were trapping her, “maybe I was done dancing.” Jinsoul mumbles and wants to cringe at how hoarse her voice is.

But she doesn’t have time to dwell on it when she pushes the hands down and the double french doors open. Jinsoul stumbles inside to a much more humid space but quickly recovers by spinning on her heel and walking away from Sooyoung who still stands at the entrance. 

The older girl seemed disappointed at the loss of warmth by the way her shoulders slumped, but not a second later was following Jinsoul into the area.

Jinsoul pressed a hand against her chest, her heart was screaming at her. She stares down at it like it would listen,  _ slow the fuck down please,  _ somehow her heartrate does stop beating fast after that. But maybe it’s because she holds her breath when she hears the footsteps behind her again. 

Sooyoung is right behind her, hands in her back pockets, giggling like she knew Jinsoul’s dilemma. That she knew her charm was breaking Jinsoul. “I think you’re lying.” Sooyoung says with full confidence and Jinsoul can’t deny it. Yeah, she wanted to dance all night long with Sooyoung. But she could have likely ended up ripping someone’s head off from jealousy. 

“Whatever, stop following me.” Jinsoul wipes at her neck, it was sticky here and she realized why. It was an indoor pool, a very large one at that. “Woah…” Jinsoul forgets about Sooyoung finally for just a second. There was even a fountain in the biggest area but the pool branched out into tinier spots, it served as a lazy river as well.

Jinsoul walks across one of the wooden bridges that stretched across the bubbling water. It must have cost millions to build this house. Looking up she gasps, there was a huge window in place of the roof and Jinsoul could see the night sky.

But she’s reminded of who’s seeing this sight with her, “I’m not following you.” Jinsoul rolls her eyes and faces Sooyoung who’s walking right up to her now. The older girl’s strut was alluring and Jinsoul couldn’t help but let her eyes fall to her hips, entranced by the way they sway in those jeans. Jinsoul wouldn’t mind...actually wishes she could see the way the rest of Sooyoung’s body moves underneath that oversized jean jacket.

“Oh yeah? Then what are you doing?” Jinsoul sighs longingly before taking her eyes off the girl’s shape, as pleasing as it was to watch her. 

Sooyoung hums, “I’m simply going in the same direction as you.” Jinsoul’s mouth opens with an argument but all she can do is watch as Sooyoung wisps past her, like she was floating instead of walking. As Jinsoul stands there, Sooyoung turns to walk backwards, her eyebrow raising in amusement, “see not following you.” 

Jinsoul rolls her eyes as she’s the one that begins to follow Sooyoung. The older girl smiles and Jinsoul’s blessed with the short-lived perfection of it before Sooyoung turns her back to her again. The blonde keeps a close eye on Sooyoung, noticing how she’s starting to sweat from the humidity. 

A drop of perspiration travels down the side of the older girl’s face and Jinsoul licks her lips at the sight. Her throat is dry despite the air being sticky around them. Not even swallowing helps to get the lump down. Sooyoung glances at her sideways and Jinsoul doesn’t mind getting caught staring. 

“It’s hot in here.” Sooyoung clears her throat making the blonde hum in response. Jinsoul was sure it wasn’t only the room that was making Sooyoung feel warmer than usual. They keep a steady pace around the pool, looking at all the marble sculptures surrounding it. Jinsoul brushes her fingers across one of them, feeling the marble underneath her palms. 

It’s smooth to the touch and she looks up at the sculpture's face. It’s features are pretty, but not as beautiful as the ones that Sooyoung has. Jinsoul sucks in a deep breath when cool knuckles drag across her cheek, brushing her hair back behind her ear. She glances to her side and up at Sooyoung who was in a trance. The older girl blushes when she blinks back into reality, “sorry, your hair was in your face and I um...” Jinsoul can’t help but let a smile grow when Sooyoung mutters out meekly before audibly gulping. 

Before Jinsoul can tease Sooyoung about ogling her, the girl quickly turns to leave her standing there. The blonde is sure she was swooning over the way Sooyoung had gently touched her, but she shakes the thought and continues to follow the girl. It must have been the high temperature and smell of chlorine getting to her...had Sooyoung always been this dreamy? Jinsoul felt like she was getting drunk by just staring at this girl. 

The walk, the smile. Everything had Jinsoul almost tripping with how memorized she was. Tilting her head a small smile forms as she watches the girl in front of her point at various things around the pool, mumbling about how expensive they must have been. Sooyoung’s stupidly cute, and Jinsoul wants to do something about it.

Like the impulse to push the girl into the pool but then the same urge to drag her out and perform CPR just so she can feel Sooyoung’s plump and probably soft lips against her own…

“Wait what?” Jinsoul asks herself but Sooyoung’s silky voice answers instead, the same voice that sometimes creeps in her mind even during class when she tries to pay close attention, but these days it and her heart are always revolving around Sooyoung. 

“I said imagine living here. It’d be lonely wouldn’t it.” Sooyoung repeats, even though Jinsoul didn’t hear it. She was too busy daydreaming about how pretty Sooyoung’s lips are. Jinsoul shakes herself, why was she even dreaming about that. Sooyoung was a girl... _ a very attractive girl  _ Jinsoul’s tiny head voice replies. But even then it was just Sooyoung, who she used to not be able to stand. Who she used to hate. 

Now she couldn’t imagine how her days would play out without her. There was a pull to her that she just couldn’t ignore. Sooyoung was in no way perfect…

But with her it felt right.

Jinsoul doesn’t realize she’s staring until Sooyoung waves a hand in front of her face, “hellooo earth to blondie! Is there just static up there?” Jinsoul blinks and the girl in front of her smiles softly, “welcome back.”

The blonde grumbles, “oh shut up.” Sooyoung hums and studies her for another second or two before slinging an arm around her shoulders. Jinsoul accepts the embrace this time and wraps her arms around Sooyoung’s waist, leaning her side into the older girl and resting the back of her head against her shoulder.

They make the half-hug work while walking around the pool, which was decorated with soft pastel lightings and fan palms. Jinsoul could fall asleep right now, wrapped up in Sooyoung was relaxing along with the warm air around them. Sooyoung’s hold was comforting and Jinsoul has never felt like this with someone.

But she’s reminded of why she should be scared of that feeling when Sooyoung whispers in her hair. 

“Let’s go someplace quiet.” Jinsoul doesn’t even answer, only letting Sooyoung lead them elsewhere, Jinsoul would follow Sooyoung anywhere without even realizing it. Like she had no choice but to be pulled with this girl like they were a pair of magnets. Whoever said opposites attract deserved the nobel prize. 

Ignoring the group that had also found the pool, all passing a joint around, Jinsoul stumbles with Sooyoung and back to the hallway. 

Maybe she was afraid of being alone with Sooyoung.

But she couldn’t help but think it had been the only thing she'd wanted all night long.

~~~~

Xiaojun rushes through the crowd, finally finding Yoojung and Doyeon chilling by some of the stairs. “Have you seen Soul?” He was sweating, he had been preoccupied the last hour or so but had come out of the bathroom to make eye contact with someone that wasn’t supposed to be here. As soon as he saw the evil he had panicked and frantically looked for his best friend. 

The two on the stairs shake their head, “no why? She’s been with Sooyoung I think.” Yoojung answers.

Running a hand through his hair he groans, “fuck…”

Kai appears out of nowhere and places his hand on the small of his back, “what’s wrong?” Xiaojun can only glare at him before shoving him away.

“Why the fuck is Jinhyeong here?” Kai’s eyes widen at first but then he starts to look around for him. Xiaojun was boiling, if there was one person that wasn’t supposed to be here it was him. “Seriously Kai? Why would you invite him?”

“I didn’t invite him, okay I don’t know why he’s here.” Kai argues out before sighing, “come on let’s go find him so I can kick his ass out.”

Yoojung stands up along with Doyeon, “wait who’s Jinhyeong?”

Xiaojun glares at Kai before answering, “some asshole you don’t need to worry about.” Not wanting to waste any time he leaves Yoojung with more burning questions. Xiaojun needed him out of here before he found Jinsoul. The boy had made his best friend's life a nightmare for about a year. When Jinsoul was still vulnerable from a heartbreak...from a certain someone, she had met Jinhyeong only for him to be the spawn of satan.

Jinsoul had taken the mistreatment at first not knowing any better and needing some sort of attention even if it was bad. But as Xiaojun had built her back up to realize what a scumbag her boyfriend was, the blonde had kicked him to the curb. It wasn’t easy getting rid of him, but after a while, with Jinsoul’s not so kind words the boy had left her alone. 

He was manipulative, conniving and Xiaojun believes it’s the reason Jinsoul doesn’t allow herself to be who she really is. When it comes to love that is. His best friend hasn’t changed a bit since they met when they were little. But Jinsoul’s a lot more cautious when it comes to dating now...because she’s only interested in boys. When she used to not care to say she had a crush on a girl or anyone for that matter.

Nobody knows except him and Kai only knows how bad of a guy Jinhyeong is. But Xiaojun was the only one aware of Jinsoul’s buried secret. And if Jinsoul was with Sooyoung...and she saw Jinhyeong or if the boy found her. Xiaojun doesn’t want that to happen. 

Jinsoul has been really happy these days, happier than usual and Xiaojun can only assume it’s because of Sooyoung. Xiaojun wanted to protect their relationship whatever it may be. 

Whatever it may become.

~

Jinhyeong finishes taking a leak and is washing up when he hears two hushed voices behind the shower curtain, “did you see the girl Jinsoul was with? Soooo hot. She must be from the city.” 

“I know right? I wanna be friends with someone that cool...of course she’s Jinsoul’s friend, I mean she’s super nice! One time she bought me a meal and I didn’t even ask!” Jinhyeong listens closely to the conversation. 

“Ugh Jinsoul is perfect, I wish I could be her.”

Pulling back the shower curtain, the two girls sharing a cigarette screech. Jinhyeong dodges the bottle thrown at him and smirks at the scared girls when the glass shatters behind him, “Jung Jinsoul is here?” They look at each other and then back to him.

“Yeah what about it?” He leaves at that, not before snatching the cigarette outta the girl’s hand though. They scream in protest as he takes a long drag. His doc martens scuff the tile floor as he scoots out.

Finishing the cigarette in a couple drags, he tosses it carelessly. “So you’re here too Jinsoulie.” He smirks, “I wonder who this friend of yours is.” 

~~~~

Jinsoul doesn’t realize how clingy she’s being until Sooyoung warns her about it, “why can’t you keep your hands to yourself?” The blonde bites her lip and slowly drags her hands where they were crawling down Sooyoung’s waist and onto her thighs, Jinsoul was just addicted to the way Sooyoung shivered underneath her touch. 

“What? You don’t like it?” Jinsoul says in an innocent voice only receiving a weak glare in return. Pouting up at Sooyoung, the blonde giggles with her victory when the older girl sighs and blushes,  _ it works every time _ . Jinsoul takes her prize, by placing her hands right back on Sooyoung’s hips as they walk through the endless halls of the mansion.

Sooyoung stops in front of a painting suddenly and Jinsoul’s forced to break her stare where it was lingering on the taller girl’s profile. The blonde bumps into Sooyoung’s back and she wraps her arms fully around the tiny body in front of her, resting her chin on Sooyoung’s shoulder as they study the art in front of them. It's of a woman and she looks like royalty. Jinsoul’s not for sure who she is but mindlessly sighs out, “wow she’s beautiful.” Jinsoul’s too entranced by the portrait to realize that Sooyoung hasn’t even looked at it yet. 

The older girl was staring directly at her, the gaze she was holding was soft, “yeah she is.” Sooyoung says more to herself and averts her eyes when Jinsoul glances back at her. But the blonde catches it, the fact that Sooyoung wasn’t referring to the portrait. Jinsoul doesn’t verbally thank her for the compliment, but she does rub her cheek into Sooyoung's shoulder out of appreciation. 

Sooyoung stiffens at the affection, clearly not used to having Jinsoul this close to her. The blonde pouts up when Sooyoung stumbles off leaving her arms empty. Jinsoul chases after her and pushes on her shoulder before walking past her, “you’re such a loser.” 

“Me what’d I do?” Jinsoul bites her lip before turning around, Sooyoung is fighting a smile as she matches Jinsoul’s pace. The blonde slowly walks backwards, her palm sliding across the walls as she keeps her eyes on Sooyoung who sways side to side not trying so hard to keep up with her.

Tilting her head Jinsoul can’t help but let out a bubbly laugh, “it’s cute don’t worry.” 

Sooyoung grumbles and rolls her eyes to the side, “Didn’t know losers could be cute.” 

“They can, you’re like the cutest dork I know.” Jinsoul covers her mouth when Sooyoung flips her off. The older girl was trying to act like she was mad, but if the glint in her eyes were honest, then Jinsoul was safe to assume that she was loving it.

“Do you know a lot of cute dorks?”

Jinsoul plants her heels into the hallway’s carpet. Sooyoung doesn’t stop her stride until their faces are inches apart. “No, only one. I guess you’re the exception.” 

Sooyoung's gaze flickers between her own before she quietly mumbles out, “oh yeah? I thought I was the worst...not a cute dork.”

The blonde smirks and takes the last step in between them, eyeing Sooyoung up and down. She can even see the older girl’s throat tighten when she swallows and Jinsoul has to take a deep breath to calm her rapid heartbeat, “you’re still the worst...but in a good way.”

Jinsoul smirks and flips around again, making sure her hair smacks Sooyoung in the face. The older girl isn’t amused whatsoever. Jinsoul squeaks when the back of her jacket collar is pulled and the next thing she knows is that she’s pushed against the hallway wall. Sooyoung presses her into it harder with a hand clenched to the collar of her jacket and Jinsoul feels a wave of heat roll through her, “how am I the worst in a good way?”

“I dunno, it’s a secret.” Jinsoul shrugs as Sooyoung tightens her grip and pulls their faces closer. Jinsoul doesn’t let Sooyoung overpower her, she may be taller and her eyes are cold as ice, but Jinsoul’s will was like concrete. She knows exactly what Sooyoung’s looking for, it’s those little slips of confessions that Jinsoul makes, when she lets herself be vulnerable around the older girl and she doesn’t try to hide the way that Sooyoung makes her feel. Jinsoul knows it’s a total ego boost for her. Because for the longest time Jinsoul pretended that she couldn’t stand Sooyoung. 

Sooyoung gives her a skeptical look, “I think you meant to say I’m the best.” 

Smiling, Jinsoul tilts her head while shaking it, “nuh uh.” The blonde could tell Sooyoung was getting frustrated with her. Jinsoul let’s her tongue poke out of the side of her mouth and it’s enough of a distraction for Sooyoung that she’s able to escape from where she was being pinned to the wall. 

Skipping down the hallways she ignores Sooyoung’s whines of protest and starts trying various doors again. Most of them are locked, but finally she finds one that the handle pops loose. Before Sooyoung can reach her, Jinsoul slips inside and closes the door on her. The blonde can’t help but let out an evil laugh when Sooyoung bangs on the door.

Jinsoul waits for the begging to start but it never does. It’s silent and the blonde presses her ear against the door, waiting for some kind of response. Soon enough Jinsoul starts to get impatient, swinging the door open. She's not entirely amused to see Sooyoung still standing there waiting for her to give in.

Sooyoung pushes inside before pinching her cheek, “awe I knew you’d start missing me.” Jinsoul smacks the hand away, hating how much she liked what Sooyoung was doing. “Some room you walked into huh.” Jinsoul is too focused on rubbing the tingling feeling out of her cheek to notice what was around her. 

Turning around Jinsoul gawks at the surrounding area, “ew it’s like someone had a wet dream about king arthur.” The room looked straight outta a porno, there was animal print and dark hues of red coating the room along with various furniture...not really for sitting and as soon as Sooyoung hit a light switch the lights dimmed and out came a shiny disco ball from the ceiling. Jinsoul snorts as the older girl nervously laughs as she struggles to turn it off. 

The other part of the room was pretty much medieval nerdgasm. Jinsoul doesn’t understand what kinda freak wanted full suited armored knights and various iron weapons mounted on the wall when they were trying to get it on. “This is like something you’d see in a playboy magazine.” Sooyoung mumbles while brushing her hand across one of the red satin couches. 

“How would you know?” Jinsoul snorts while peeking over the minibar. 

Sooyoung is quick to reply but she stutters it out, clearly embarrassed, “just-uh ya know a guess.”

Jinsoul turns to her and smiles as Sooyoung grips at one of the fur pelts thrown over a bench. “Sure, sure...your secret is safe with me pervert.” 

“There’s no secret Jinsoul.” Sooyoung groans out, the blush deepening on her cheeks.

But the blonde doesn’t let her off the hook that easily, “it’s okay you know, that you like looking at that stuff. I’d be curious too.” Jinsoul covers her smile with her palm but she knows it reaches her eyes with how they squint by the lift of her cheeks, daring to look over at Sooyoung her lips stretch wider underneath her palm. The girl was trying to kill her with that glare. “Okay! You’re not a complete perv I get it.” 

Sooyoung rolls her eyes and rummages around cabinets that were filled with expensive materials. Pulling out a purple silk sheet she calls out to Jinsoul. “How many times do you think the dude who owns this place cheated on his wife here?”

Jinsoul scoffs, checking out the heart shaped hot-tub in the off section of the room. “Please, I don’t even wanna know...or what kinda woman who would want to come into here willingly.” 

Sooyoung’s staring closely at one of the many figures when she replies, “what? You don’t think getting boned with a bunch of knights in shining armor around wouldn’t be excitement?” Jinsoul groans as the older girl breaks out into a teasing laugh and Jinsoul whips around to strut over to her. The blonde creeps up behind Sooyoung as the girl pulls down a long sword from the wall, “this is wicked.”

Jinsoul stares as Sooyoung waves the sword around with ease, she has to admit it’s kinda hot even though it’s the lamest thing she’s ever seen Sooyoung do. The older girl was definitely enjoying herself, “I’d rather be gagged with a spoon than to be in here with some old man.” 

Sooyoung rests the sword on her shoulder, “really? I thought it’d be up to your standards. You seem like a girl that likes class.” Jinsoul crosses her arms unamused as Sooyoung winks at her, her smile barely showing her teeth. Jinsoul likes seeing the smile that Sooyoung uses all her teeth, it’s rare...but it brings her warmth like nothing else can.

“My punani has more dignity than that Sooyoung.” Jinsoul says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Sooyoung simply raises a brow and Jinsoul reaches forward to take the sword out of her grip. “And this isn't class, this is straight up weird. Red flag after red flag.” 

Sooyoung pulls away, not letting Jinsoul take the sword from her. The blonde lets her jaw drop as Sooyoung sways the sword around her head, pressing it to each of her shoulder blades, there’s a satisfied smirk on the older girl’s plump lips until she meets Jinsoul’s unamused stare, “what?”

“Did you just knight me?” Jinsoul asks, trying not to laugh as Sooyoung blushes at being caught acting like the biggest nerd the blonde’s seen.

Sooyoung rolls her eyes and shoves the sword towards her, “no…” Jinsoul raises a brow, “maybe.” Now holding the heavy sword, Jinsoul tilts her head, “...yes.” The blonde smiles with victory as Sooyoung warns her to not say anything about it. Since the older girl did it without thinking. Jinsoul would let her off the hook this once. “Hopefully you don’t count that as a red flag for me.”

Jinsoul giggles, “I’ll let it slide.”  _ Because it was cute. _

Sooyoung drags her finger up the blade as Jinsoul follows it, she blinks when she realizes she’s zoning in at the blade when Sooyoung has gone to sit on one of the chairs. The older girl sinks into it, her legs spread and her arms thrown over the sides. Jinsoul tries to not be obvious as she stares,  _ has she always been this hot?  _ “Then what are your standards, for a guy to be worthy enough for you?”

Jinsoul snorts, “you make it sound like I’m some catch.” 

“I wouldn’t disagree with that.” Sooyoung mumbles slowly and Jinsoul tries to hide her blush. 

Flipping the sword around her grip she starts to list out the things she looks for in the boys she dates, “rich, mildly attractive. Doesn’t speak a lot. Easy to please.” The blonde stops Sooyoung’s mouth from opening by pointing the sword at her chest, “and before you say I’m shallow...I am but don’t expect me to feel ashamed about it.”

Sooyoung swallows at the sharp point near her chest and drags her eyes up Jinsoul’s body. Dropping the sword Jinsoul opens up to the girl, “I don’t date because I wanna fall in love. Boys are gross and all they want is sex. If I play nice enough they’ll do anything I say. But that’s only until I get bored.” Licking her lips, Jinsoul reaches up to dock the sword again, “men are pigs but they’re a nice accessory.” 

“I get that...it’s why I only date-” Sooyoung cuts herself off and Jinsoul wouldn't know why if she wasn’t told already, Sooyoung almost slipped up. Looking behind her shoulder she sees Sooyoung twiddling with her fingers. Turning around she catches Sooyoung’s attention again, causing the girl to finish with a lie, “it’s why I date rarely.” 

“Why do you? I bet guys are fighting over you all the time aren't they.” Jinsoul doesn’t know what came over her to ask that but she quickly backtracks and digs herself in a bigger hole, “I mean if I looked like you I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. ” Jinsoul just gives up then, hating the smirk that starts to play on Sooyoung’s plump lips.

The blonde huffs and goes to flop on the bed as Sooyoung teases her, “what are you saying barbie...?” Flipping Sooyoung off she squeaks when she sinks into the bed. “You really think I’m that sexy?” 

“Stop putting words in my mouth, you know I didn’t say that.” Jinsoul warns as Sooyoung lifts herself from the chair, stalking over towards her. 

The closer Sooyoung gets, the more Jinsoul scoots back onto the bed, clinging to the silk there. “But you totally did.” Jinsoul’s blood is starting to boil, she hates when Sooyoung mocks her like this. Because the older girl is right, Jinsoul did think she was attractive and she couldn’t do anything but deny it. Even though it was the truth. 

“I hate you.” Jinsoul mumbles under her breath. Sooyoung’s smile only grows brighter. The older girl was leaning over on the bed now, hovering near Jinsoul. The blonde doesn’t like this at all. Because seeing the brown in Sooyoung’s eyes shouldn’t make her chest feel this light. Seeing Sooyoung’s tongue poke out to wet her lips shouldn’t make Jinsoul mirror the action herself. Seeing Sooyooung’s brows knit in concentration shouldn’t make her want to reach up and massage the tension out of them.

Her words don’t support what she feels at all. But she really does hate Sooyoung, because the girl makes her weak. And for the first time, Jinsoul thinks that weakness has never felt so good. 

Sooyoung gaze may be soft, but Jinsoul knows there’s nothing but arrogance swirling around in her head. She knows so when Sooyoung replies in that smooth voice, one more silky than the sheets bundled beneath her fists. “I know princess. I know.” The older girl finally backs away, leaving Jinsoul room to breath before she says something else that gets on the blonde’s nerves, “I’ll keep your dirty little secret, trust me.”

Jinsoul lets her eyes roll dramatically, Sooyoung was talking nonsense, “and what secret would that be? That I think you’re hot...so what.”

Sooyoung turns to her before leaning against the minibar, “nope, that you gotta crush on me.” The expression that Jinsoul makes must have been telling enough. Because Sooyoung bursts out laughing as Jinsoul’s ears turn bright red along with the rest of her features. Jinsoul curses herself, how she could just let Sooyoung get under her skin like that. So much for being smart enough to not fall underneath Sooyoung’s spell.

The older girl wipes a tear from her eye and Jinsoul’s too embarrassed to enjoy the melody of Sooyoung’s laugh, “ah it makes so much sense now! The pure hatred you had for me but still following me around like some lost puppy.” Sooyoung is still giggling while rubbing her chin like some scholar making a discovery. She discovered just how bad Jinsoul had it for her. “And the poor baby gets so mad when I ignore her.”

Jinsoul turns even redder when Sooyoung calls her baby, because she’s not trying to be sweet, it’s mean. “Will you shut up already?” The blonde is on the verge of shaking. She doesn’t like being called out like this. She doesn’t like not being in control. But Sooyoung was the master of this game and it would be a miracle to get ahead of her, so Jinsoul would protect herself. By faking it until she makes it, “I don’t have a crush on you idiot.”

Sooyoung ignores it though and struts back over towards her, Jinsoul’s current view of the floor isn’t the best, but when a hand cups her chin to tilt it up, she manages to find the worst view in the room. Sooyoung’s ego must be the size of a planet right now, with the way her eyes are narrowed. Her bottom lip being chewed on by porcelain teeth. Jinsoul wants to knock them all out, “you know, when you like someone barbie, you’re supposed to be nice to them not try and make them your mortal enemy and annoy the fuck outta them...you’re lucky I stuck around.” Sooyoung was making fun of her.

Pushing the hand away from her chin she stares up at Sooyoung with watery eyes. As soon as the older girl noticed the glossiness reflecting from Jinsoul her smirk dropped with concern. Jinsoul sniffles, “Okay fine, I do have a crush on you Sooyoung.” It’s Sooyoung’s turn to blush now, because she never knew Jinsoul would just admit that...only to find out that the blonde meant she had another kinda crush on her. “I really really wanted to be friends with you, because I’ve never met anyone who gets me like you do.” 

Wiping her nose she hiccups, a bad habit she has when she cries. “But you were such a jerk to me, like you’re being right now. You weren't interested in me and it hurt my feelings. I had to give you a reason to keep coming back, and fighting with you was better than just sitting around for you to never show up again.” Jinsoul pouts up for real, she’s an angry crier so she tries to think of cute things to make her stop. Kittens, care bears, Sooyoung’s smile. No she was mad at Sooyoung right now so that just made her face scrunch up more. “I am lucky that you’re still here, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t change your mind and forget about me anyways..” 

Sooyoung may get bored of her eventually, and the dark part of Jinsoul’s mind reminds her of the fact that the only reason the older girl’s still around these days is because she thinks she has some sort of chance with her. And if Sooyoung doesn’t get what she wants, she’ll just end up leaving Jinsoul behind. 

Biting back the tears she glances up at Sooyoung, who was on the verge of laughing. Jinsoul let’s out a pitiful noise as Sooyoung does laugh for a moment, but the girl puts her hand on her head to pat it gently, “you are so dramatic Jung Jinsoul.” The way her name is said is gentle enough to make her stop pouting, but Sooyoung was still laughing.

“Oh bite me Sooyoung I’m being serious!” 

Sooyoung rolls her eyes but not in a mocking way as she keeps patting on the blonde’s head, despite Jinsoul pushing it away every five seconds. “Me too! You really are such an airhead sometimes.” The blonde blows steam out of her ears before Sooyoung gives an explanation, “you for real didn’t think I liked you?” 

Jinsoul lets her eyes shift from side to side, “well if you did it wasn’t really obvious.” 

The mattress sinks beside her and Jinsoul forces herself to look in the opposite direction, “I did it’s just...well barbie you gave a lot of mixed signals. Still do.” Sooyoung admits shyly, “I thought you wanted to be left alone and I don’t do well with making friends anyways. So, I did what I do best, I tried to avoid you.” 

Jinsoul finally meets Sooyoung’s gaze, and suddenly it wasn’t like they were at some lame ass party sitting inside some weird ass room. It was just them, like it was always just them. When Jinsoul’s with Sooyoung sometimes it feels like nobody else exists. It has since the beginning. When she first looked into Sooyoung’s eyes and they shared something the blonde wasn’t sure how to explain to anyone but herself or maybe Sooyoung. Because they were the only ones that could understand it.

The chemistry they had.

“I’m glad you kept chasing after me barbie, because I think I’ve been waiting for someone like you my whole life.” Sooyoung says without breaking the staring contest they were having.

Jinsoul swallows for a moment, something pulls her closer to Sooyoung. “Someone like me?”

The blonde watches as Sooyoung slowly nods before tilting her head, “I don’t know, it’s taken me years to trust some people, but for some reason. I feel like I could tell you anything and the only thing you’d do is call me a weirdo.” Jinsoul blinks then and then she starts to laugh out of nowhere. Sooyoung smiles as Jinsoul holds her stomach that’s in pain, but the blonde slowly comes back to reality wiping the happier tears along with the previous frustrated ones.

“Out of all the lame shit you’ve ever said, all that, “Jinsoul waves her hand exaggerating it, “might have been the worst that’s come out of your mouth.” 

Sooyoung doesn’t take offense to it however, “It made you smile though. What’s so lame about that?”

_ Everything.  _

_ I’m the loser for letting you make me feel this good. _

Jinsoul wants to give into Sooyoung, just like everyone else does. Falling under her spell is easy, but Jinsoul knows how hard it would be to break free from it. The reason why it’s so easy...the underlying sweetness Sooyoung has. That makes it seem so honest. At first glance, this girl should be cold and heartless. And she was, but she was also stupid and annoying and freakisly adorable. Jinsoul was beginning to be attached, no matter how many times she’d tried to convince herself that she wasn’t. 

The blonde doesn’t understand how Sooyoung’s presence used to irritate her, but now she found it endearing. Moments like these, are what got her so strung up on Sooyoung. When Sooyoung saw right through her without any effort. It killed Jinsoul, because she thought this feeling would go away when she became friends with Sooyoung. That the only reason she felt like this is because she wasn’t getting what she wanted.

Sooyoung tried to understand her, had the patience for her like nobody else has. Her friends never saw the side that Sooyoung did, not until a long time after they met. But Jinsoul’s attitude...was initially Sooyoung’s first impression. And yet the girl was here, still being cautious since Jinsoul was so sensitive. It was thoughtful, that Sooyoung cared enough to try and not hurt her feelings, when Jinsoul had been awful to her.

She didn’t understand it. None of it.

Jinsoul didn’t understand why she liked Sooyoung so much. And she can’t wrap her head around the fact that Sooyoung might like her just as much.

All she knew is that she was going to cling onto this. As long as Sooyoung allowed her to. Because for some reason, Jinsoul didn’t think this would last forever. Eventually, Sooyoung’s patience will run thin and Jinsoul won’t have the energy to fight for attention anymore. 

But for now, she would just sink into the quicksand of Sooyoung’s charm and manage to enjoy it for what it’s worth.

“A lot of things about you are lame.” Jinsoul finally answered the question. Sooyoung rolls her eyes and pushes her away before Jinsoul pushes her right back, “how’d you get so good?” 

“At what?” 

Jinsoul licks her lips and leans forward into Sooyoung’s space, “you always know what to say.” 

The older girl’s lips quirk, taking a deep breath she answers, “practice makes perfect, I’ve told you that before barbie.” Jinsoul narrows her eyes skeptically.  _ And just how many girls have you practiced on Sooyoung.  _

Jinsoul doesn’t let that thought eat at her, they’re just girls after all. And she wasn’t a girl for Sooyoung to practice on. Instead, she thinks they could have a little fun. “Wanna get drunk?” Jinsoul was getting a little scared, she wanted to just do mindless things with Sooyoung. They were heading in a direction Jinsoul promised she wouldn’t go towards.

Sooyoung meets her smile.

And Jinsoul realizes it’s the same smile from the beginning.

Only sweeter.

~~~~

Yoojung is watching some guy named Mark hang upside down while chugging on a beer keg. She has no idea what kinda party this is...but it was strange. The guy wiggles his little legs and the taller goofy guy flips him back over, there’s beer and some sort of other stain on Mark’s shirt and Yoojung doesn’t wanna know what it is. The taller guy, who’s name was Lucas, dabs Mark up, “dude that was righteous!”

“You already know homiefry.”

Yoojung turns to her girlfriend who was eating a sandwich, “why do they talk like that?” Doyeon shrugs, taking another bite of the sandwich, “where did you even get that?” Doyeon shrugs again and Yoojung shakes her head, maybe it was time to go home.

But she really needed to find Jinsoul and Xiaojun to see if they were okay before she did. Jinsoul disappeared with Sooyoung a long time ago, doing god knows what. Xiaojun has been in and out, the last thirty minutes he’s been frantically searching for the blonde.

Speaking of the devil, Jinsoul pops up right in front of her, way drunker than she remembered. “BABE I MISSED YOU.” The air is knocked outta her lungs as Jinsoul collides into her. Yoojung holds her best-friend up as she acknowledges Sooyoung awkwardly shimmying behind them. Doyeon gives Sooyoung a warning glare and the girl shakes her head fearfully. 

Yoojung eyes them curiously, she’d have to ask Doyeon about that little exchange later. Pulling back she grabs Jinsoul’s face, it was warm and Yoojung couldn’t help but squish her cheeks up. “How many did you have?”

Jinsoul blinks, her eyes glossed over. “I forgot how to count.”

Yoojung glares at Sooyoung, who only looked a bit tipsy compared to how knocked Jinsoul was, “hey I tried to stop her but...it’s kinda hard to say no.” Yoojung understands Sooyoung, Jinsoul is very stubborn. And also really cute when she says please. She’s sure Sooyoung probably got the puppy eyes when she told Jinsoul she’s had enough. Yoojung glances at Jinsoul who was giggling happily.

_ Who could resist a face like this? _

Peaking at Sooyoung and seeing the softness in her eyes, Yoojung realizes that her friend had an effect on the coldest of people. Jinsoul pulls away from her and then clings onto Sooyoung and Yoojung has to fight back the laugh as the older girl blushes deeply as Jinsoul whines for attention. Sooyoung looked like she was about to pass out, but the smile growing on her face was telling enough.

Sooyoung absolutely loved every second of it. 

Jinsoul’s a force to be reckoned with when drunk and after the blonde is done with Sooyoung she heads straight for the drinks. Yoojung barely has time to contain her before she’s shoving some poor soul who was pouring themselves a drink, “MOVE YOU LARDASS!”

Yoojung takes the bottle outta Jinsoul’s hand as the blonde brings it up to her mouth. If there was one side of Jinsoul she didn’t like it was this one. Staring into her friends eyes she tries to telepathically tell her to stop acting up, she’s causing a scene. But apparently that’s what Jinsoul wants, “I feel like making somebody mad tonight.” 

“No Jinsoul, you should feel like drinking some water.” Yoojung scurries around for a glass and fills it up with a tap. She likes Jinsoul drunk, the blonde is really fun most of the time. Only wanting to dance and laugh. But there’s times that Jinsoul gets like this, self-destructive. It’s usually when she’s thinking too hard about something or upset. 

Like the party when Jinsoul almost outed her and Doyeon. Jinsoul tries to cause drama to distract herself. It’s a bad habit, but Yoojung was determined to break it. If Jinsoul picked out someone from this party...the night wouldn’t end prettily.

“Where’s Minho?” Jinsoul asks quietly and Yoojung sides eyes her.

Shaking her head she hands the glass of water to her friend, “you’re better than that Jinsoul, whatevers bothering you, fucking Minho won’t fix it. You don’t even like him.” Yoojung explains, this is what she means by self-destructive. If Jinsoul was sober, the thought of being with a guy would make her gag. This was unfortunately how most of Jinsoul’s relationships started. 

“I know...but he likes me and that’s enough.” Yoojung catches the sadness in Jinsoul’s voice.

Thinking for a few seconds, she tries to bring up something that makes Jinsoul happy, “but you’re hanging out with Sooyoung right? That’s nice right? Plus she likes you, well not like Minho does.”

Jinsoul sits the glass of water down and turns to Yoojung, she knows how gone Jinsoul is. But still what comes out of her mouth shocks her more than anything she’s ever heard, “yeah…it’s really nice but Sooyoung won’t fuck me. She doesn’t like me like that.” Yoojung stares into glossy black eyes, trying to make sense about what Jinsoul just said. 

_ Wait...does she want Sooyoung to? _

Before Yoojung can open her mouth Jinsoul’s back to the alcohol, chugging it down. It seems like the blonde was pretty aware of what she just said. And she was trying to drink enough to the point where she won’t remember it. But it isn’t her hand that stops the bottle. It’s a scarred hand, with brassy rings littering it.

The blonde is about to yell at the guy but her mouth clamps shut and she shuffles almost behind Yoojung. She’s never seen her friend this scared in her life, Jinsoul never curls up like this. Jinsoul was always strong. The guy with a rugged haircut smirks, “I think that’s enough Jinsoulie.” 

Jinsoul, seemingly sober now mumbles out with a straight face, “go away Jinhyeong.” Oh it’s the guy Xiaojun was talking about earlier. Their friend appears seconds later, like he was trying to prevent this from happening.

Xiaojun tries to grab him but the guy shoves him off, three more guys appear in the same kinda style as him. “Fuck off fairy boy I’m tryna speak to my girl.”

Jinsoul latches onto Yoojung’s arm and starts backing away, the party-goers in the kitchen either stay to watch the drama or filter out to keep having fun. “I’m not your girl and don't speak to him like that.”

Jinhyeong smiles and it runs a chill down Yoojung’s spine, she can’t imagine how Jinsoul feels. “Of course you are, you’ll always be.” He reaches for Jinsoul but so does someone else. Yoojung doesn’t lose her grip on Jinsoul, she strengthens it and looks to her side. Where Sooyoung was standing in front of Jinsoul. Yoojung swallows, she doesn’t know whose stare is more bone chilling. Sooyoung’s or Jinhyeong’s. 

While the scumbag’s is borderline creepy, Sooyoung’s is unwavering, steeled. “She doesn’t wanna talk to you...obviously.” Sooyoung says almost boredly, probably in an effort to kill the tension down.

Jinhyeong’s eyes narrow, “who are you? One of Jinsoulie’s friends?” Sooyoung does say anything back and pushes him away when he reaches for Jinsoul again. “Hey Jinsoul if are these girls bothering you all you gotta do is tell me.” He says mockingly as he keeps trying to reach for her.

Xiaojun had recovered by then, but as he lunged to protect the three girls cornered the two other guys with Jinhyeong reached out to grab him. Jinsoul moves in Yoojung’s grip, but she tightens it and so does Sooyoung. 

“You’ve always liked your friends a little different haven’t you baby?” Jinhyeong asks while eyeing the two beside her, “a little different like this,” Jinhyeong smiles and then spreads two of his fingers and sticks his tongue between them. Both Yoojung and Sooyoung look at Jinsoul and back at each before Jinhyeong starts to speak again, “you’d fuck anybody if they bought you a pair of shoes.” 

Jinhyeong then leans in real close, and Jinsoul’s beginning to be a lot harder to restrain. “Wouldn’t you whore?” Jinsoul pushes forward but her wrist is caught where she was planning on slapping Jinhyeong, the boy then grabs her by the jaw forcefully and that’s when everyone unfreezes.

Sooyoung’s fist comes flying towards his face, but another one makes contact first. Somehow Xiaojun had squirmed his way out the other guys hold Minho was waiting for the opportunity as well to throw in a punch without missing. In moments the whole party was a brawl. 

There were bottles being thrown everywhere, screaming. Yoojung ducks as a fist flies towards her and starts to hunker over. As she’s nearing the dining table a guy is thrown on top of it and he breaks through the middle. 

She’s not sure where Sooyoung and Jinsoul went but she quickly finds her girlfriend cheering on someone elbow dropping a person on the ground. Smacking the back of Doyeon’s head she screams, “what the hell are you doing? Let’s get out of here!” 

Doyeon rubs at the wounded spot and she has to be dragged outta the party since she still wants to watch. Yoojung pulls them outside of the house and she turns to watch in awe as people are thrown out windows and everything. Kai was gonna be in a lot of trouble. 

“That was fun…” Doyeon mumbles out sadly and Yoojung rolls her eyes. The last thing she needed was her girlfriend to get hurt. Searching for blonde hair she’s not entirely successful. 

Really Jinsoul’s still inside, watching all the madness go down. She was trying to find the satisfaction of Jinhyeong getting beat up but there was none. Not even if she was the one doing it, seeing him swell up with injuries wouldn’t make her feel better. Not after the way Yoojung looked at her. It was sympathetic and in good intention, but Jinsoul didn’t need anyone to feel sorry for her. 

Xiaojun had also given her an apologetic smile, but she couldn't stand it. She knows exactly why he feels bad. Jinsoul is strong, she doesn’t need people thinking she’s weak. Jinhyeong doesn’t bother her, he’s just annoyingly evil. There’s no point to this brawl, it wouldn’t have started if everyone didn’t swoop out to protect her.

And that’s why she feels embarrassed over it all. She had to grit her teeth when Sooyoung’s stare was full of concern, how her arm had draped in front of her protectively. Sure Jinsoul appreciated it, but it wasn’t needed. She could take care of herself.

When Jinhyeong grabbed her jaw, that left her an opportunity to break his wrist. But of course, everyone wanted to be a knight in shining armor for her. She saw three fists fly out at once, her bestfriends, Minho’s...and Sooyoung’s. Xiaojun’s protection was comforting, Minho’s was annoying and somehow, Sooyoung’s made her a bit ashamed.

Jinsoul dodges someone being thrown towards her without the effort. She was casually leaning back onto the counter, taking small sips of someone’s drink that had been left behind. Through the bustle of bodies, almost two pop out simultaneously. Jinsoul’s met with two charming smiles and has to scoff when the two of them glare at each other. 

It’s Minho and Sooyoung. She has to admit, she never really liked Minho. He’s too needy and boring. That’s why she broke up with him about a month into dating him. But Sooyoung’s appearance is annoying her as well. Like the two were competing over her. Jinsoul’s not some prize for chivalry. 

But here they are, waiting patiently for her to choose one of them. As if she really wanted to be with anyone after Jinhyeong said all that to her. Minho looks confident, his shoulders laid back military style. Sooyoung was shyer, almost begging Jinsoul to say something. She was also holding her side, like she was in pain.

The blonde doesn’t choose, she pushes in between them after rolling her eyes. The both of them deflate. As Jinsoul pushes through the brawl and shoving a body that comes flying towards her, she manages to escape. She’s human, and she knows the two’s intentions are good.

All Jinsoul feels like is some sort of game.

And she doesn’t want to play.

~~~~~~

Sorry for this horrible chapter, I promise to make the next one better! I hope everyone enjoys it! 

Lots of love! 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  



	13. After party

On her way outside, Jinsoul spots Yoojung and Doyeon waiting for her near the entrance. Cars and bikes are speeding out of the pristine driveway, the noise makes it hard for Jinsoul to focus, especially on the voice calling out behind her. Her elbow is grabbed and Jinsoul doesn’t even look who it is before pulling herself out of the grasp. 

It was probably Minho, who she never wanted to see again and not Sooyoung, who she was wanting to walk her home. Jinsoul was done with guys, she’d rather get a job then to ever touch one again. Or speak to in that matter.

From a distance, Jinsoul can see Yoojung raise her eyebrows dramatically. That’s when she turns around. Jinsoul can feel the tension leave her body when she realizes it’s Sooyoung, whose expression is hurt, but the concern overlays it. Jinsoul’s eyes soften in the slightest. But she continues on, hopefully with Sooyoung following behind, the blonde noticed the older girl was still clutching her side.

Yoojung smirks and crosses her arms, Jinsoul ignores it, since her friend was telling her to play nice. “Hey Soul, you okay?” Yoojung’s smirk turns into a smile and the blonde only gives a shrug. Sooyoung steps beside her and acknowledges the two in front of her with a short nod. 

“Some party huh.” Sooyoung mumbles out before letting out a nervous laugh. She tries to put her arm over Jinsoul but the blonde steps out of her reach. Doyeon and Yoojung snort at the awkward exchange before turning serious when Sooyoung looks at them for help. Yoojung slowly slides her thumb across her throat, trying to warn Sooyoung to not bother Jinsoul at the moment, since she was clearly pissed off.

Doyeon speaks out through the awkwardness, “um I think there’s a train running soon, we should probably get there before it leaves.” Yoojung nods and pats on Doyeon’s back, she then goes to grab Jinsoul’s hand and squeezes. The blonde is looking off into the distance, eerily silent for someone who spends a lot of their time talking, but she does squeeze Yoojung’s hand back.

Sooyoung joins Doyeon in the front since it was the first time ever she didn’t really know how to handle the blonde. Sure, when Jinsoul was sweet and affectionate, it was dangerous to Sooyoung’s health. And when she was in her normal mood she loved to tease the blonde to make her even more pissed. But this...Jinsoul was hard to read, actually she couldn’t read her at all. Sooyoung was nothing but worried, trying to figure out what to do. 

Sooyoung has never cared about someone like this, but Jinsoul isn’t just somebody. 

Yoojung starts to walk too, but Jinsoul squeezes her hand tighter, pulling her back into her spot. The blonde’s face is steeled, but her eyes are glossy. “I wanna see if Xiaojun is okay.” Yoojung frowns, feeling bad for forgetting him in the first place. It just shows how good of a friend Jinsoul is. She’s always been even though she doesn’t seem like it.

The blonde has always looked out for them, but somehow, Yoojung doesn’t feel like she doesn’t look out for Jinsoul enough herself. It feels like hours before their tiny friend is being dragged out by Mark. Xiaojun has his arm around the other guy’s shoulders and his face has a bit of bruising. 

Jinsoul lets go of Yoojung’s hand to walk towards the two. The three of them watch as Jinsoul cups Xiaojun’s face, wiping any sweat away. Sooyoung turns away, not wanting to ease drop. But she can’t help that her heart skips at how caring Jinsoul can be. The blonde may seem rude and self-centered. But she cared more about the people around her than herself.

Mark speaks up as Xiaojun retells the brawl dramatically as Jinsoul quietly listens, “I better get this guy to the hospital, he might have a concussion.” 

The blonde sighs, “okay, thanks Marky.” Jinsoul pouts up at Xiaojun and he gives her a weird look, he starts to scream when Jinsoul kisses him on the forehead.

“Ewww bitch stop it! You’re acting like I was at war!” Xiaojun whines as Jinsoul breaks a smile for the first time since the fight.

Patting on Xiaojun’s head she rolls her eyes, “I know you like boys but you don’t gotta be like that…call me when you get home.” Xiaojun narrows her eyes at her, trying to get her to go away but Jinsoul knows he loves her. Or he wouldn’t have punched her ex for her. Flicking his forehead she makes her way back over to the three awkwardly standing around. 

She knows Yoojung and Xiaojun don’t always get along, but she can see the concern in her other best friend's eyes. “He okay?”

Jinsoul shrugs, “yup, you know him, he’ll probably end partying again before the night is over.” Yoojung then takes her hand again and they begin to walk to the train station. Jinsoul doesn’t say anything after that. Only swinging her and Yoojung’s hands between each other. 

Doyeon and Sooyoung walk in front of them, talking seriously about God who knows what. Yoojung keeps her eyes on them but Jinsoul is too out of it now to pay attention, instead her gaze is somewhere out in the streets. It causes her to miss the way Sooyoung keeps glancing back at her, with a tinge of pink on her cheeks.

The blush gets deeper every time Yoojung catches her, wondering why this girl was looking at her best friend like _that._ Sooyoung even whines a bit when Doyeon elbows her side to tease her. Sooyoung obviously likes Jinsoul in some sort of way, but Yoojung suddenly remembers what Jinsoul said at the party. How she seemed disappointed when she said that she didn’t think Sooyoung thought of her in that way.

More evidence that her best friend...is probably, most definitely gay. Or at least a little. The relationship she has with Sooyoung is like an elementary crush. Jinsoul pretends to hate her when she clearly likes her...a bit too much. Why she was mean to Sooyoung when the older girl wanted nothing to do with her. All the flirting coded as insults. It’s starting to make a lot of sense.

Yoojung’s never seen Jinsoul have a crush, the blonde rarely talks about boys. If she does, it’s usually what they did for her, or how annoying and smelly they are. Jinsoul was always bored talking about them, but with Sooyoung. Jinsoul would talk for hours, enough that Yoojung was the one that got bored. It’d always start out by Jinsoul complaining about Sooyoung, how she said this and that, getting on Jinsoul’s nerves. But then it’d spiral into admiration. 

_Why does she have to be so sweet? It’s gross._

Jinsoul would always repeat that over the phone, if Yoojung were to guess, when Jinsoul talks about Sooyoung she probably looks like one of those lovesick girl’s in the movies. Feet hanging in the air, phone cord twirled around her finger, the fight to keep the grin off her face. Yoojung can just hear the smile in her best friend’s voice when she says _‘Oh that Sooyoung’_ all dreamily. 

The blonde had it bad, but she kept it well hidden. 

But Yoojung could see right through her, Jinsoul had a crush. It was so obvious it was kinda funny. Yoojung guesses this is Jinsoul’s first, because the way the blonde acted, she was trying to deny it herself. 

Pulling Jinsoul’s hand to get her attention, Jinsoul’s gaze spins and lands on hers first, but quickly shoots to Sooyoung. Who was looking straight at her over her shoulder. Being caught by Jinsoul herself, Sooyoung’s entire face turns red with shock and she turns her head so quickly Yoojung wouldn’t doubt it hurt a bit.

Looking back at her best friend she can see the sparkle in her eye. 

Jinsoul clearly adored Sooyoung.

Maybe not in the way she adored Doyeon, but if this little cat and mouse game between them continued. The push and pull they had each other in. Yoojung was betting that it wouldn't take long for Jinsoul to fall in love. However, Sooyoung was a lot harder to read. Yoojung didn’t know her as well as Jinsoul, but by how adorably awkward Sooyoung gets around her. When any other time she comes off as aloof and too cool to care about anything. Yoojung would say that Sooyoung’s feelings are not too different from Jinsoul’s. 

~

The train back home is quiet, Yoojung leans into Doyeon as Sooyoung stands and holds onto the metro handles. Jinsoul is across from them resting her head back onto the window. Every now and then she’d huff after taking a peak at Sooyoung, who was now borderline sulking because of Jinsoul’s standoffish mood.

Doyeon glances around the train-car, realizing it’s empty besides the sleeping guy near the corner. Yoojung doesn’t have time to argue when her face is grabbed and her still tispy girlfriend tries to get fresh with her.

Sooyoung’s face is priceless, she looks at them with shock and turns to see Jinsoul’s reaction. But the blonde is picking at her nails casually, Sooyoung tries to warn them as if Jinsoul was someone they had to worry about.

Yoojung didn’t know Sooyoung was that clueless, she seemed smarter. 

“Okay both of you can stop now, it sounds like a wet balloon being sucked through a vacuum.” Jinsoul groans out while glaring at them. Sooyoung’s mouth opens and closes, her gaze bumping between them. “What are you looking at freak?” Jinsoul gestures at Doyeon who was not pleased with her kisses being interrupted.

Yoojung can’t help but snort, the animosity between the two was friendly. But damn...sometimes Yoojung really thought they were gonna fight. “Jinsoul be nice to Doyeon, she's sensitive.” Her girlfriend takes offense but Yoojung shushes her with a single finger. 

“Well tell your girlfriend to stop being weird.” The blonde sighs while crossing her legs. Her chest was puffed out and she kept her gaze low. In full Jinsoul defense mode, not even an army could penetrate the steel wall the blonde had put around herself.

Doyeon grabs a piece of trash and wads it up before tossing it at Jinsoul’s head, making the blonde even more infuriated. “Be mean to Sooyoung, she likes it.” Sooyoung, who was playing the pacifist clams up. She looks sheepishly at Jinsoul, but the girl only had eyes for Doyeon. Yoojung was pretty sure Jinsoul was trying to telepathically rip her girlfriend’s face off. 

But when the blonde is unsuccessful and thinking way too hard about Sooyoung now. She stands up to go to the end of the train-car and away from the two idiots making fun of her and the one idiot who was giving her _those_ eyes. Jinsoul grumbles, she turns her face away from them. She wasn’t giving into Sooyoung...no matter how cute she looked at the moment.

_Shut up, do you hear yourself?_

“Boooo come on, we was just playing!” Yoojung shouts at her but Jinsoul only flips her off without turning back around, staring deep into her reflection she resists the urge to check and see if Sooyoung was still pouting up at her.

Jinsoul leans her head against the cool glass, trying to freeze her rapid thoughts. Why was her resolve already melting, she wanted none of them to see her vulnerable. But all she needed was someone to hold her. The only person she could think of is Sooyoung. Blinking at her reflection she wants to cry, it was so embarrassing. _Get a grip Jinsoul…_

The rest of the train ride Jinsoul listens to their conversation from afar, with them occasionally calling out to her to come back to them. Jinsoul was stubborn however, she knew Yoojung was waiting for her to break. 

On the platform, Yoojung and Doyeon linger around, “you gonna be okay Soul?” Jinsoul shrugs at Yoojung’s question and the girl doesn’t make a move to leave.

So then Sooyoung speaks up, “I’ll walk her home.” Jinsoul rolls her eyes as the two lovebirds find safety in that and finally depart. Sooyoung shifts on her feet awkwardly and Jinsoul scoffs before walking in the direction of her neighborhood. 

The streets are eerily quiet, so the sound of Sooyoung’s footsteps behind her are comforting. Still knowing the girl is behind her puts the blonde on edge, so Jinsoul focuses on the roll of fog making its way through the city. How it takes away from the sharp light of the street lamps and shadows the occasional car driving by. 

Her heels click against the dampened pavement and she shivers every time there’s a breeze. She can hear Sooyoung mumble something behind her that turns into a borderline whine when she doesn’t react to it. Jinsoul only keeps her eyes on the blearing neon shop signs, using them as guidelines for a way home.

Passing by a 24-hour noodle shop, that’s sign was dangling loosely since it had a few broken hinges, she’s grabbed for what seems like the hundredth time tonight. Jinsoul doesn’t turn, she only drowns Sooyoung’s words out with the faint buzzing from above. 

But then Sooyoung’s voice cracks, “are you mad at me?” 

Jinsoul hates the sound of it so she forces herself to face Sooyoung who looked like she’d be kicked over and over again. 

_It’s my fault she looks this tired._

“No, I’m not mad.” Jinsoul says casually. She wasn’t exactly mad at Sooyoung, she was mad at herself. For bringing her to that stupid party and putting her in that situation. But she also didn’t like the way Sooyoung was treating her so fragile, when in the past, Sooyoung could care less about her feelings.

Sooyoung face twitches, “then why are you acting like this?”

“Like what?” Jinsoul pretends to be clueless and she can tell by the way Sooyoung’s jaw tightens she doesn't appreciate it. 

“Like you don’t want me around you.” 

Jinsoul takes a deep breath, “doesn’t feel too good does it.” She knows she shouldn’t be so defensive right now. And throwing up the way Sooyoung used to treat her was petty. But Jinsoul felt a little jaded, when Sooyoung was like this towards her for almost a month it was okay. Now, it was like the world was ending when it was Sooyoung on her side.

Sooyoung throws back her head and lets out a short laugh but Jinsoul knows she found the remark anything else but funny. “I thought we were over this.” 

“We are…” Jinsoul whispers and tries to say something else but the words don’t come. Because all she can see is Sooyoung still clutching her side. The older girl isn’t trying to be obvious, but the way she’s hugging the jean jacket around her body Jinsoul can’t help but focus solely on that.

Sooyoung was hurting and all she was doing was being a brat.

Jinsoul’s coping was arguing, that’s the way she avoided most other feelings. Was replacing them with anger. Like all the feelings she had with Sooyoung in the start, the neglect, the longing, how Sooyoung made her heart flutter. She pushed them away with a drive of vengeance and rivalry. 

“No no no don’t cry.” Jinsoul didn’t even realize her face was scrunching up along with her lip beginning to quiver. Before she knows it, the arms that Sooyoung was using to hug herself come to wrap around her. 

Jinsoul pushes her away, “stop it you idiot I’ll actually cry if you do that!”

Sooyoung holds her hands up and away from her as Jinsoul takes deep breaths trying to calm herself down. The blonde was shaking and Sooyoung simply raised a brow. “It’s okay to cry you know.” 

“I’m not some pussy.” Jinsoul groans, “...all my friends got hurt, you got hurt because of that stupid asshole.” She rushes out and Sooyoung takes a breath of relief. Starting to understand why Jinsoul was so upset. “I could handle it, but everyone rushed to help me because they didn’t think I could. So now everyone got hurt because they thought I’m some poor weak girl th-.”

“We didn’t protect you because we thought you weren’t strong enough.” Sooyoung interrupts her and when Jinsoul locks eyes with soft ones, the older girl continues, “we did it because we care about you. At least I do, and I think your friends do too.” 

Jinsoul feels the lump in her throat, “you care about me?”

“A lot...I care about you so much Jinsoul.” Sooyoung doesn’t expect the water works, but Jinsoul instantly bursts into tears. She doesn’t even have time to react when Jinsoul clings onto her for dear life. Wailing like a baby. Sooyoung malfunctions at first, never prepared for the warmth that envelops her when Jinsoul is this close. She pats on the blonde’s head, while the other hovers around Jinsoul’s heaving back. “Trust me, I know you were perfectly capable of turning that guy into a pulp, you’re the strongest girl I’ve met.” 

Jinsoul pulls back and Sooyoung gives her that same soft smile, that she’s known from the beginning, “but how could you expect me to just stand by and let you get hurt more than you should.” 

The blonde sniffles, “but I’m the one that’s supposed to take care of you guys, after all that shit he said...I should have been protecting all of you.” 

“Well, I’d be a pretty shitty friend if that wasn’t mutual, I’m sure everyone else feels the same.” Sooyoung replies and Jinsoul laughs for the first time since they left. 

Jinsoul leans into Sooyoung, feeling more tired than before, “you are a good friend no matter what you do,” the blonde pulls back, all her elaborate makeup has either run down her face, or smudged. “But you give terrible hugs.”

She thinks back when Xiaojun made them hug for the first time, Sooyoung still gave the same...awkward and cringy, embraces. It made Jinsoul want to curl up in a ball. The older girl rubs the back of her head sheepishly, “hehe sorry.” Jinsoul kinda wants to die from the second hand embarrassment, however, she appreciates how sincere the girl in front of her is. “You wanna know what’ll make you feel better?” 

The blonde raises a skeptical brow and Sooyoung smiles, “noodles!” Jinsoul’s cheeks warm at how cutely Sooyoung said the word but she hides it by glancing at the shop they were standing in front of, it was almost completely empty except for the young woman half-way asleep on the counter. Before she can give an answer however Sooyoung’s pulling her in.

The warmth is what hits Jinsoul first, then it’s the smell. It’s nothing but comforting and she finds herself glad that Sooyoung made the decision for them. Sitting down in a corner table, the only spot with a bit of privacy, Jinsoul preoccupies herself by staring out the window. It’s slightly fogged, since the outside air is cool and damp compared to the shops.

The smell from earlier gets stronger and soon, Jinsoul hears the clink of a tray being sat down in front of her. She doesn’t make a move to stop staring out into the night. Where some couples were heading home together, and loners were wandering the streets trying to find something to do. 

But Sooyoung doesn’t seem to mind her emotional absence, the girl across from her silently eats as she gives room to Jinsoul to wind down. However, after Sooyoung’s finished her bowl and Jinsoul’s barely touched hers, the older girl breaks the almost impenetrable silence. “As much as I don’t like it when you open that mouth of yours...I think I hate it more when you don’t talk at all.” Sooyoung says with a slight tease to her voice, “tell me what’s on your mind.”

Jinsoul rests her elbows onto the small table they were sharing. Still in a trance almost, she was sure Sooyoung could hear the cogs turning in her head. Jinsoul twirls a lone strand of blonde hair around her finger, “what’s it like needing someone?” 

Finally bringing her stare back into reality, she notices that Sooyoung was also staring out into the streets, maybe to try and find what Jinsoul was so fixed on. Sooyoung’s expression is puzzled at first, as the glow of light reflects from the window onto her feature. But then it relaxes, “it’s good, when they’re there...but scary the moment they're not.” Jinsoul’s fingers twitch to reach out to Sooyoung, “I try not to let myself be that vulnerable.” 

“So you understand?” Jinsoul blurts out without really explaining. Sooyoung meets her gaze, slipping in a mint while urging Jinsoul to continue by narrowing her eyes. “I don’t want to come off as weak Sooyoung, because if I’m not strong enough to take care of myself in a world like this, how can I put that burden on someone else.” 

Jinsoul looks down at her bowl of noodles, probably lukewarm by now. “I’m tired of people treating me like this, but I can’t count on anyone to always be there for me when something goes wrong. My family, my friends...you.” The blonde’s never needed anyone, not now, not ever. Jinsoul’s spent too many years building the thick skin and will she has now, when used too she was broken down quite easily. She needs everyone else to know that too. That she can live comfortably alone.

However, Sooyoung seems to know how to break through to her without trying. And that’s what scares Jinsoul the most. She wants Sooyoung to be there when she feels this bad. “So how can I make the people who wanna hurt me stop if I’m not the one doing it, if I’m just hiding behind somebody else. If I have to depend on other people, will people ever see me more than just some…”

“Don’t.” Sooyoung warns her, as if she knows what Jinsoul’s about to call herself. The blonde has been called many things in the past. But the worst is when people question her capability to take care of herself...for doing things on her own. People have accused her of fucking her way to the top of her class, they laugh at her credibility. Most of all, people see her as nothing but a smart mouth with no brain to match it. See her as nothing but trouble. 

Like it wasn’t just her and her alone that’s got her where she’s at. As if there’s always been someone else there helping her climb up, but she’s done it all by herself. Created this image of herself so people like Jinhyeong won’t mess with her. Still, somehow these things still happen to her. 

How can anyone prove that she’s capable but herself. What Jinhyeong said at that party, is probably what everyone thought about her. She didn’t have the chance to tell the truth, the reason he resents her. Is because he was the one that depended on her, and Jinsoul never needed him at all.

But everyone felt sorry for her, because it seemed like she was the one hurting. 

“For once, I just want to be respected.” Jinsoul mumbles out sadly. She’s thankful that Sooyoung took the time to really see her. The blonde has some sort of respect for the girl. Sooyoung was everything that she imagined, but then so much more. 

“I’ve never met someone as headstrong as you.” Sooyoung replies in an honest voice, she leans over the table so that their conversation is only between them even though no one was around. But Sooyoung wanted to make Jinsoul feel like it was really just them in the entire world. “I understand you know, about not being taken seriously. I’ve worked hard for a long time to get where I am, and it feels like you’re the only person who can make that change. It takes patience, and a lot of confidence even when it seems like it’s hopeless to consider trying.” 

Sooyoung gives her a comforting smile and Jinsoul sees the reminisce of hurt in the black eyes she’s come to adore, “But it’s nice to have support. It almost broke me...not having anyone.” Scratching the wood beneath her finger tips, Jinsoul can’t help but grit her teeth. Knowing that Sooyoung has probably gone through worse than her. She instantly realizes the point Sooyoung’s trying to make, “It feels like you have to do it alone, but you don’t Jinsoul. It isn't a weakness to lean on someone other than yourself.” 

“I’m sorry Sooyoung.” Jinsoul says a bit guilty, the way she was thinking was selfish and a bit prideful. Sure, she relied on her friends to make her happy, but to never take care of her. 

Sooyoung is the one that reaches out, her hand feels heavy in Jinsoul’s own. The blonde can’t help but think how perfectly they fit together. “I know you’ll do great things in your life no matter what other people think of you. Jinsoul, you’re amazing and you shouldn’t let anyone make you feel any different than that.” Jinsoul’s eyes swell up again with tears, Sooyoung wasn’t just good with words, it was that she actually meant them “...just gotta work on that attitude.”

Jinsoul’s face drops, Sooyoung may be the most considerate person she knows, but she really knew how to dumb down a serious conversation. “Hey...watch it asshole.” Sooyoung’s previous smile widens into something mischievous, but Jinsoul’s next words makes it drop in an instant, “I know you like it.” 

Sooyoung pulls her hand back and huffs as she crosses her arms. Jinsoul giggles at the older girl as she grumbles out, “eat your food barbie, I didn’t pay for you to let it go to waste.” Jinsoul happily starts to chow down right after she gives her thanks to Sooyoung.

But she’s isn’t just grateful for the food. 

~~~~

Jinsoul is content with walking forever if it was with Sooyoung. Resting her head against the older girl’s shoulder, she cradles Sooyoung’s arm in between her own. The only sound is the shuffle of their feet and the occasional happy sigh that Jinsoul lets out. She has her eyes closed, so she’s not really sure if Sooyoung’s going the right way, but it doesn’t matter. 

Any place Sooyoung takes them would be fine, because Jinsoul would be happy just being with her. But she was getting pretty sleepy and keeping her eyes closed was starting to become a problem. Cracking them open she sees the familiar cherry blossoms that were in late bloom, she’s close to home. 

She doesn’t want the night to end just yet though. 

“Did you get hurt earlier?” Jinsoul whispers through the comfortable silence, suddenly remembering how Sooyoung’s clenched her side throughout the night. Sooyoung awkwardly shifts her eyes away, ever since they left the noodle shop the girl’s been acting weird.

But really, Jinsoul was starting to realize just how weird Sooyoung was, she hid a lot of it under that mask of hers. Sooyoung was starting to prove herself just as shy as she was smooth. It’s what Jinsoul found most admiring about her. “What are you talking about?” Sooyoung stutters out and Jinsoul pulls away from where she was hugging the older girl’s arm to her chest.

“Really? So you’re just,” Jinsoul pretends to hold her side in pain and sucks in her breath before slapping both her hands to her thighs, “for nothing?” Sooyoung lifts her brow incredulously and Jinsoul drives her fist into the girl’s side. Sooyoung whines out in pain, Jinsoul had barely punched her so she knows her friend is already hurt. 

“See.” Jinsoul crosses her arms, knowing she proved her point. 

“You punched me dumbass of course it hurt.” 

Jinsoul rolls her eyes as Sooyoung’s eyes tear up and she holds her wounded body, “boo hoo poor baby.” Jinsoul rolls her fists against her cheek, mocking Sooyoung. The older girl flips her off, the first time she’s seen Sooyoung act remotely childish. “Are you gonna tell me the truth or not?” Sooyoung doesn’t bother answering as she stares to her left. So Jinsoul goes to jab her again.

But Sooyoung stops her and glares at her, “fine I got hurt so what..”

Jinsoul smiles with victory, but it doesn’t help with the guilty feeling in her stomach. “How?”

Sooyoung pushes her assaulting fist away, “you saw how people were acting, someone bumped into me and I hit the corner of the counter, it’s fine though.” The blonde takes a step closer to Sooyoung and grabs at her jacket to open it up and look but she’s pushed away as soon as she tries, “what are you doing?”

Jinsoul blinked at the sudden defense, Sooyoung was wary of her. “Checking if you’re okay?” Jinsoul says as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world but when she reaches out again, Sooyoung keeps her at bay. Jinsoul grumbles impatiently, “what is your deal jesus it’s not like I’m stripping you naked.” 

Looking up into the soft black eyes she realizes why Sooyoung is being so guarded. Her eyes are pleading for something, Sooyoung doesn’t want her to see the scar. She’s not just peeking behind Sooyoung’s jacket and it’s a lot more than just stripping her naked. It must be a sensitive memory for Sooyoung to feel this vulnerable. 

Jinsoul rolls her hands around to hold Sooyoung’s, “you can trust me you know?” Sooyoung chews her lip and allows Jinsoul the freedom to do whatever. Peeling away her jacket is like breaking down the barrier, and Jinsoul stares at the left side of Sooyoung’s ribcage. What she saw in the mirror before was nothing compared to the nasty mark she saw now.

It was clear Sooyoung lost a bit of her flesh and skin with whatever injury it was. The white and ragged mark stretches long but not very wide. It starts underneath her breast and crawls almost to her back. Sooyoung didn’t want her to see it, so Jinsoul doesn’t. Instead she focuses on the already blue bruise underneath it. 

She brushes her fingertips over the bruise, avoiding the scar at all costs. “It must have hurt.” Jinsoul mumbles while caressing the warm skin, liking the way Sooyoung’s muscles tense under her touch. Her body was just as gorgeous as her face. 

“It did,” Sooyoung answers and Jinsoul looks up. The challenging stare the girl is giving her is easy to understand. Sooyoung was speaking for both the bruise and scar, but the longing gaze she was giving was also saying _aren't you gonna ask about it?_

Jinsoul wouldn’t, because she can tell Sooyoung doesn’t want her to. The girl was trusting her enough to even see it, so Jinsoul wouldn’t jeopardize that. Sooyoung is definitely relieved when Jinsoul doesn’t even dare to, “you want me to kiss it better?” A deep brush crawls on the older girl’s features and she covers herself up while forcing Jinsoul’s hand away. Sooyoung grumbles something under her breath, clearly embarrassed as the blonde laughs at how well her teasing worked. 

Sooyoung goes to lean up against the wall, pouting up at how much of an effect Jinsoul had on her. The blonde only skips around, pleading in an innocent voice, “oh Sooyoungie don’t get mad I was just playing!” Jinsoul doesn’t even understand why Sooyoung got so rigid at that, maybe it was because she knew Jinsoul was just teasing her.

Not that she would actually kiss it better. 

Crawling right up to Sooyoung she slips her hand underneath her jacket again at first the older girl squirms and tries to resist but Jinsoul only whispers, “I’m not gonna look, I promise, let me just make it feel better.” Sooyoung grasps onto her elbow as Jinsoul rubs at the tender spot, goosebumps rise. And the warmth of her hand does take the soreness out of Sooyoung’s ribs. 

Sooyoung’s stare is unreadable but deep. And Jinsoul can’t help but let herself fall into it. Behind them, the trees sway with the midnight breeze. It’s cold, but the closeness of Sooyoung’s body keeps the shivers at bay. Jinsoul likes the way Sooyoung’s features glow eternal under the moonlight. How pale petals that were behind schedule flicker and sway behind her. It makes Jinsoul question if this is even real.

If this girl was real.

Because it didn’t seem possible for someone to be this beautiful. 

Sooyoung is as pretty in the dark as she is in the daylight. Somehow, the light reflects on her features differently. While the sun radiates Sooyoung in confidence. The moon casts a shadow that leaves Sooyoung exposed. Jinsoul appreciates both, because it may be another side of Sooyoung she hasn’t seen. But it’s still Sooyoung.

“Thanks…” Sooyoung tells her and breaks the stare they were sharing to shift her eyes to the side. Slowly, Jinsoul pulls her hand away since the grip on her elbow squeezes tighter. She could tell Sooyoung was starting to get uncomfortable.

Stumbling beside Sooyoung, Jinsoul takes one last look at the girl and begins to walk the rest of the way to her house. Sooyoung starts to follow after her and this time they don’t walk side by side, Jinsoul leads the front while the older girl shadows her. Jinsoul calls out, loud enough for her to hear, “you don’t really trust me do you?” 

Sooyoung was still too guarded, “I don’t trust anyone, but I feel like I can with you.” 

“Then try it.” Jinsoul dares her, she knows something is on Sooyoung’s mind and she has a good idea what it is. Probably has to do with her other friends sucking face...as gross as it is, Jinsoul doesn’t care. The shock on Sooyoung’s face when she saw that Jinsoul could care less was telling enough. 

Although Jinsoul felt bad that Sooyoung was afraid to tell her obviously, she was pissed that the girl thought she was that stupid. Anyone with eyes could look at Doyeon and Yoojung could tell, and a blind person could tell with Xiaojun. Maybe Sooyoung thought she was one of those girls that accepted guys, but were weirded out by the thought of another girl liking them. 

“Did you, or um, how long have you known?” See? Jinsoul wanted to pat herself on the back for being so smart. Sooyoung was dying to know. 

However, Jinsoul wants to pull it out of Sooyoung. She wants the girl to feel safe around her, like she doesn’t have to be afraid and beat around the bush. “Known what?”

“You know..” Sooyoung draws out nervously. 

“Spit it out already.” 

Jinsoul turns to Sooyoung afraid and whatever string of confidence the older girl leaves at the meet of their eyes. But through the nervousness, Sooyoung stutters out, “about Yoojung and Doyeon.” 

“What about them?” Jinsoul crosses her arms while the nerves fade into irritation in Sooyoung’s features. The blonde giggles and punches at Sooyoung’s arm for being so impatient, “you mean the big elephant in the room? That they’re fucking?” A blush takes the color of Sooyoung’s face since she wasn’t prepared for how blunt Jinsoul could be. Something twists in Jinsoul’s stomach when she watches Sooyoung take a deep breath through her nose, “I’ve known in my gut for a while.”

Sooyoung shoves her hands in the pocket, trying to seem casual but Jinsoul could tell how tense the girl was. “And you don’t care?” Jinsoul darts her eyes to the ground where Sooyoung is scuffing her shoes against the pavement. 

“Nope, why should I?” Jinsoul says cautiously, before raising her eyes to give Sooyoung a questionable look.

“It’s just...not everyone is accepting of that, uh lifestyle.”

“Are you saying you’re not?”

Sooyoung jerks her hands out of her pockets at a lightning speed, shaking them frantically, “Oh no I am!” Jinsoul smirks as she gets closer and closer to cracking Sooyoung’s defense. The girl was a bit too quick to tell her that, “I’m very, yeah, accepting.” 

Jinsoul flicks her hand out to check her nails, “Good, I don’t know if I could still be friends with you if you weren’t.” Sooyoung shoulders slump in relief but as Jinsoul turns to leave, pretending that the conversation is over, the girl tenses back up. Jinsoul is grabbed and pulled back. 

Sooyoung is definitely wary of telling her, unsure of how to. Jinsoul watches the girl’s throat bob up and down. “I have something to tell you.” Jinsoul tries to come off indifferent, as if she doesn’t already know. 

“All ears babe.”

Sooyoung blushes at the pet name, but she takes a deep breath. Preparing herself almost, “I’ve kinda been lying to you.” Sooyoung raised her hands up to fold underneath her chin. Jinsoul found it adorable, how this once stone cold girl was shaking in front of her just as much as the trees behind them. When Jinsoul first met her, Sooyoung didn’t seem afraid of anything.

 _My god_ , Jinsoul thinks, _can she just tell me already?_ “I know.” Sooyoung was talking in circles. Yoojung and Xiao Jun came out to her in seconds. But it felt like hours with Sooyoung and Jinsoul was about to say it herself. 

Sooyoung blinks, “You know?”

“It’s kinda obvious.” 

“It is?” The older girl’s voice pitches higher with each word.

Jinsoul nods, playing dumb. “Yeah, you definitely cheat while playing at the arcade.” 

The fear on Sooyoung’s face melts and it’s replaced with irritation, “No Jinsoul-” 

The blonde also deadpans, “I’m joking, idiot.” If Sooyoung was this unsure about telling her, then it wasn’t the right time. But then again, Jinsoul was dying to hear Sooyoung say it, “You don’t like boys do you?” 

Sooyoung looks like she’s been shot with the way she leans back onto the wall with a thump. Jinsoul scrunches her nose up. And she was the dramatic one? Sooyoung's gone limp, from either shock or relief. Jinsoul watches closely as Sooyoung tilts her face up towards the sky, “There’s no hiding from you, is there.” 

When the girl looks back down it’s like a different person, Sooyoung must have reestablished her defense after the deep breath she took. Jinsoul matches the calm smile on the girl’s face. Sooyoung may be an expert at pretending, but Jinsoul is getting better at reading the once mysterious girl, “ I’ve told you before I’m smarter than the average blonde.”

Sooyoung tilts her head, her eyes are a bit darker than before. “I lied about having a boyfriend. I was actually meeting a woman I had been sleeping with that one time we ran into each other.” Jinsoul forces herself to swallow after her throat goes dry. Just the thought of Sooyoung with another girl...was interesting to say the least. Joining Sooyoung on the wall, she ignores the almost predatory stare she’s receiving.

Jinsoul presses her tongue across her teeth, taking a quick breath, “Sooo that’s it? That’s the big secret.” Turning her gaze towards Sooyoung she almost regrets it, Jinsoul out of habit bites down on her lip since that’s where Sooyoung’s eyes are fixed. 

Although she was caught, Sooyoung makes no move to stop staring at them. Jinsoul’s whole mouth goes dry. She’s thirsty but she’s not sure what for. “You don’t mind?” Jinsoul crosses her arms, they’ve already got over that hump. But a part of her knows that’s not what Sooyoung’s asking.

What Sooyoung’s really asking is, _you don’t mind if I end up liking you more than just a friend right?_

There’s clearly something between them. Jinsoul will never acknowledge it. _Out loud that is._ Because she doesn’t need to. The tension between them is nothing but the still lingering rivalry. Nothing more, the reason Sooyoung wanted Jinsoul to have a problem with it, is so that she wouldn’t feel bad for being so attracted to the blonde. It would ruin any chance of hope of them becoming more.

It would help them both get over the annoying tingling that erupts when they lock eyes. Or the unexplainable warmth whenever they end up touching. But that's the thing, Jinsoul has no problem with it. If anything, she wanted this more than anything. “I don’t mind with Yoojung and that freakazoid. So why should it be different with you?”

Sooyoung finally pulls away, “I dunno.” Jinsoul blinks, not even noticing how close their faces had gotten during the moment. “But if it does make you uncomfortable I’d understand if you didn’t want to-”

“I wouldn’t finish that sentence if i was you.” Jinsoul snaps, she doesn’t know why Sooyoung is still being so persistent.

She finishes anyway. “If you didn’t want to be my friend anymore.” Sooyoung says it all in one breath, fiddling with her fingers. 

Jinsoul is slightly pissed off, “Bye.” She walks off, leaving Sooyoung behind to sulk. It isn’t seconds later before she turns right back around to grab the girl’s hand in her own and starts to drag her down the street. Glaring at Sooyoung she puts an edge to her voice, “I told you I don’t care, so stop acting like that.” Her house comes into view, “it’s like you’re wanting me to be a bad person.”

“It’s not that it’s...it’s just in the past telling people isn’t that easy.” Sooyoung’s hand is shaking, so Jinsoul squeezes it reassuringly. 

Leaning in close Jinsoul grabs the side of Sooyoung’s face and pulls it towards her lips. Pressing them against the girl’s cheek, she savors the burst of emotion in her chest. It’s just a simple cheek kiss, but the way Sooyoung’s face lights up with the stretch of her smile makes it more significant than any other kiss Jinsoul’s ever had. “Well you don’t have to worry with me.” Jinsoul’s lips still ghost over the impossible softness of Sooyoung’s cheek, but she pulls away when the urge to kiss her again comes to mind. “Thanks for telling me.” Jinsoul says and then in a quieter voice mumbles, “and trusting me.” 

If Jinsoul gave into her urges, she’d be kissing Sooyoung all over. Coming into the front of her house, Jinsoul prepares herself for the inevitable goodbye. Jinsoul didn’t want to, because Sooyoung wasn’t even trying to hide the pure joy on her face now. 

Sooyoung is rubbing at her cheek, where Jinsoul kissed with a dorkish grin playing on her lips, “Can I tell you another secret?” The blonde was internally screaming, if Sooyoung’s charm was difficult to handle. Her genuine happiness was impossible. 

Jinsoul tries to drown the dangerous feelings, “...I already know you’re a total freak you don’t have to tell me.”

Sooyoung’s smile only grows, if anything, the insult made her more giddy, “I think you’re perfect.” 

The blonde wants to be appalled, but she was flattered. Anyone else could say that to her and she’d want to run them over with a truck with how cheesy that statement was. But with the way Sooyoung was staring into her eyes...Jinsoul actually believed her. The blonde didn’t doubt that Sooyoung thought she was perfect. “Okay, that’s no secret.” She says disgusted and as if it’s not the most obvious thing in the world.

Sooyoung’s smile drops in a second. “Shut up I’m being serious.” Jinsoul brows raise but then Sooyoung grabs both her hands and pulls her close. “Whenever I’m around you...I.” Jinsoul reels her head back, afraid for what is about to come out of Sooyoung’s mouth and how it’s going to make her feel.

_Please don’t confess_

_Please don’t confess_

_Please don’t c...please tell me you like me as much as I like you._

Jinsoul eyes gloss over at the last thought, “It feels right Jinsoul and I wanna know how good it can get with you. It’s no secret, how much I appreciate you.” Jinsoul’s heart thumps in her chest. She wonders if Sooyoung can hear it over the multiple crickets chirping in the night. Probably, because the sound had her going deaf. 

_It feels right_ , Jinsoul looks down at their joined hands and back up at Sooyoung. She’d hate to see her face right now. Jinsoul felt like doing something really dumb right now, but she decided not too when the cold breeze of the wind reminds her how warm she is just from Sooyoung’s gaze. 

It’s that stupid shit Sooyoung does. When she says those impossibly endearing things in tense moments. Jinsoul was never prepared, she’d never be prepared for how it makes her feel when Sooyoung is honest with her. Sooyoung’s been this way from the beginning, always knocking her off her feet when she thinks her heels are cemented to the ground. “You make it really hard to hate you when you say things like that.” 

Jinsoul chews at her lips, Sooyoung’s not supposed to be this nice. She’s supposed to be cold hearted, selfish, arrogant. Jinsoul’s supposed to hate her. Their first meeting was supposed to be their last. It wasn’t her plan to become friends with the person that was destined to be her enemy. _You weren't supposed to like me after I was a bitch to you. No one ever likes me after that. You weren't supposed to actually care about me when I asked you to._

_But here we are._

_With you looking at me like you love me._

“And I hate you Sooyoung.” Jinsoul whispers. More to herself than Sooyoung. She can’t fight what she wants, what she’s beginning to need. Reaching around Sooyoung’s waist she buries herself into an embrace she doesn’t want to ever end. Sooyoung hugs back properly this time and Jinsoul doesn't think she’s ever fit this perfect into someone’s arms, “I hate you.” She whispers into the crook of Sooyoung’s throat, imprinting the words there for the girl to remember. 

Somehow, Sooyoung presses them together tighter than before.

Jinsoul’s spent a lot of her life not getting what she wanted, and now that she got something so easily. She doesn’t know how to handle it. She realizes she’s never wanted to be Sooyoung’s rival, no matter how much the girl annoyed her. Jinsoul just wanted Sooyoung to care about her. And it was overwhelming that she did. 

Sooyoung gave her hints that she’s cared all along, by returning again and again after their clashes. But tonight was just a slap in the face for how clueless Jinsoul was. 

It isn’t until Jinsoul’s inside her home with the door locked when she allows herself to breathe. The blonde drinks the air in like gulps and clutches at her chest, bundling the fabric of her dress between her clenched fingers. Leaning her head back onto the door she let’s the biggest smile form on her lips. 

Rushing up the stairs she hopes to get one last look of Sooyoung, it took strength to even leave the older girl standing on the street as Jinsoul retired into her home. She waved as Sooyoung waved back, that same lazy look on the girl’s face as always.

Turning on her bedroom light she rushes to her window. Peaking through the blinds she squints to try and find the silhouette of her friend. But sadly there was none. Jinsoul frowns with disappointment. She’ll just replay the night over and over again in her head until she falls asleep, so she’ll remember it forever. Beginning to undress she sighs out dreamily, “What am I going to do with you Ha Sooyoung…” 

Down the street, Sooyoung watches the shadow of Jinsoul’s figure reflect against the window. The yellow light shines bright in the darkness, and Sooyoung’s heart lodges in her throat as she watches Jinsoul brush out her hair. “ What are you doing to me Jinsoul?” Sooyoung says with fear in her voice and forces herself to turn when Jinsoul’s reflection starts to pull off layers of clothes. 

Sooyoung knows when she gets home, she’ll have to forget this night ever happened.

~~~~

Jinsoul’s eyes are definitely Sooyoung’s favorite thing to draw. Well, maybe they’re just her favorite thing entirely. She knows she should probably be working on the game she’s supposed to have developed by the end of the summer. But currently she was too engrossed in perfecting her memory of a certain blonde. 

Although Sooyoung is doing everything she can to get Jinsoul out of her head, the blonde has successfully rooted herself into the forefront of Sooyoung’s priorities. Sooyoung’s sketch book is filled with pages and pages of Jinsoul’s portrait. It’s the only thing she can do without going crazy with the thought of Jinsoul. 

Sooyoung finishes the pair of eyes that belong to the blonde, outlining them to make them more cat-like. Sooyoung stares at her work, wishing they were the real thing. Many times, she’s caught herself almost swooning when she’d meet Jinsoul’s gaze. Her eyes were more than just pretty. If time allowed it, she would stare into them forever.

Everything about Jinsoul was seriously pretty, but it was hard to say that about the blonde. Because pretty wasn’t enough. Nothing was enough to describe Jinsoul to her credit. Sooyoung used to think no one could ever peek to perfection. But if there was one person who could.

It would be Jinsoul.

Yeah, Jinsoul’s eyes are her favorite. Sooyoung concluded within a minute, it was the way they sparkled when Jinsoul was listening to her, how they’d shake when she was pouting, how they’d scrunch up when the blonde would smile at something silly she’s said. Everything about those eyes...Sooyoung wants to frame them, but wouldn’t that be weird? Well she already had a sketchbook filled with Jinsoul, so why not take it a step further? Sooyoung will have to stop by the hardware store later to- “Hey boss?” 

Sooyoung narrows her eyes, “what Haechan?” She hates being interrupted mid-thought, especially about Jinsoul. But maybe Sooyoung needed to stop day-dreaming about something impossible and start focusing on the reality.

Haechan raises his brow and leans over her desk to see what she was drawing, Sooyoung possessively flops over the sketches, not wanting to share Jinsoul’s beauty with anyone else. Holding her body over the desk and hiding any cracks in her defense with her arms the boy groans with curiosity, “hey lemme see!”

“No, go do your work.” 

“But I’m bored and you never told us what to do today.”

Sooyoung’s about to chew his ass out for being lazy, but she realizes she didn’t give an order. She came straight in and got her charcoals and continued to obsess over Jinsoul. The blonde had been in her dreams, from the second she woke up and now here. “Oh...sorry, um let’s just do some clean up today. Don’t some of the move controls need to be polished? Let’s add some animation maybe..” Haechan hums and leaves with a knowing smirk on his face.

Scoffing Sooyoung looks down at her table, an off day was okay. They’ve been working hard for a long time. “Now where was I…” Sooyoung mumbles off, and then when she thinks she’s ready to do something productive her face turns red when she remembers Jinsoul’s smile. Giggling, Sooyoung clears her throat as soon as it begins. Maybe she was a bit weird.

But Jinsoul was just so…

Leaning back into her chair Sooyoung props her feet onto her desk, making sure her drawings are out of the way of course. She wouldn’t want to mess those up. Closing her eyes she allows herself to drown in her day-dreams. A smile starts to grow when she doesn’t fight it anymore.

Jinsoul was unlike any girl she’s ever met. She was an _it_ girl, personality, looks, everything. A girl that shouldn’t even bother with someone like her. The kinda girl anyone could fall in love with. But Jinsoul thought she was the cool one...Sooyoung wanted to scream. How could someone as amazing as Jinsoul look up to her. 

The blonde may have...some sort of attitude. But Sooyoung guesses it’s from years of not being seen as a real person and just a girl with a pretty smile. However, Jinsoul wasn’t judging and she knew how to respect someone as long as she was taken seriously back. Sooyoung hates herself for making that mistake at the beginning.

Jinsoul should have never kept chasing after her, but Sooyoung was more than grateful. Someone like Jinsoul should be surrounded by the best of the best and well, Sooyoung didn’t feel close to being good enough for the blonde to admire her this much. It was overwhelming, dangerous maybe. But Sooyoung was addicted. 

She could not mess this up, she was lucky enough that Jinsoul even noticed her. Jinsoul was a girl that people would fight for her attention, to have other girls either jealous or wanting to be her. But Sooyoung somehow managed to get Jinsoul wrapped around her finger.

They had something that Sooyoung was sure she’d never find again. 

Sooyoung’s broken out of her spell when there’s a shuffle of shoes into her office, “Haechan, I told you to work.”

She’s only met with silence, but as soon as Sooyoung hears that voice she darts up from her chair. “Is that how you talk to your employees?” Sooyoung gasps, she wasn’t ever prepared to hear it again.

Clenching her fists and standing up straight, she instantly feels a pull in her tummy. She hates how that smirk still has an effect on her.

“Yubin.”

~~~~

Soooo I Hope everyone likes this chapter! Kinda pointless...but I dew like writing teehee

Anyways next chapter will be filler kinda and we will have a big reveal but not really however I am excited for the upcoming chapters! 

Thank you all so much for reading and commenting I appreciate it so so much! Lots of love muah!

  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  



	14. Can’t deny that I’m starting to love you

“Did you miss me?” Sooyoung rolls her eyes as she unlocks the door to her apartment. She loved Yubin, but never like that. She had respect for the older woman, she was the professor that helped Sooyoung get to where she was. The only one that seemed to care back then. That was until they started sleeping together, and Yubin had turned her back on her when Sooyoung didn’t want to anymore.

Sooyoung’s always had admirers, she knows she’s pretty and charming. Most are surprised when she’s actually a sweet person, it’s what gets them to fall for her. But Sooyoung also hated when people were selfish. Yubin loved her, but only because Sooyoung made her feel good. She didn’t actually love the person that Sooyoung was.

That was the difference between Jinsoul and most. The blonde actually liked Sooyoung for who she was and took the time to understand her after she could have easily kept her first impression of her. Jinsoul never had selfish intentions with her, it was only genuine curiosity. She wanted to know Sooyoung, because she saw that they were similar, yet complete opposites.

Jinsoul actually respected her, when most didn’t take the time to.

Walking into her kitchen, Yubin grabs her waist and pulls her close. Sooyoung takes a deep breath when the older woman starts to play with her tie, “Sooo-”

“I’m not sleeping with you.” Sooyoung pushes her off, adjusting her glasses that had slipped down when Yubin had tugged her. Yubin only smiles, as if she thought Sooyoung would give in with a little encouragement. But to the older woman’s surprise Sooyoung dodges the hand that goes to palm her ass. 

“Right, sorry.” Yubin gives up at the moment, “I taught you well apparently. Things are looking good at Polaris for you.”

Sooyoung rolls her eyes and opens her fridge up to get two beers out, “please, I taught myself. The only thing you taught me to do was how to fake an orgasm.” Okay, maybe Sooyoung was still salty that her long-time advisor ghosted her after she cut things off. 

Handing Yubin a beer Sooyoung isn’t shocked to see a knowing smirk on her old professor's face, “I can tell your faking something right now, I’m the only one that’s ever been able to love you right.” Sooyoung feels a sick pull in her throat,  _ no, you never did. You’re just like everyone else, trying to tame me like some animal. _

_ But Jinsoul doesn’t.  _

_ She’d love me right. _

Sooyoung hates that thought, because no matter how much she wants Jinsoul. She can’t. Sooyoung won’t allow herself. The blonde is too special to her. Jinsoul deserves more than to just become another one of Sooyoung’s conquests. To become a ghost just like everyone else does after Sooyoung breaks their heart.

Jinsoul looks up to her in a way she looks up to Yubin and she won’t make the same mistake her professor did.

“Think what you want.” Sooyoung says with an edge to her voice. She doesn’t want to use Jinsoul. Not after the blonde had been so thoughtful and caring. Not after she’s finally getting to see this side to her that she didn’t think was possible. It was no wonder why so many people were infatuated with Jinsoul. And it was no wonder the blonde had to be a bitch to push them away or to get someone to actually listen to her. 

Even when Jinsoul was at her worst, Sooyoung couldn’t help but feel drawn to her.

Because damn...was Jinsoul cute when she was mad. “Then why’d you bring me back here?” Sooyoung is broken out of her thoughts, her memories of messing around with Jinsoul. It was always fun with Jinsoul, like they were meant to be together. 

“I dunno, thought we could be adults and catch up.” Sooyoung boredly draws out. Maybe she shouldn’t have invited Yubin back. Right now she should be at the arcade poking fun at how bad Jinsoul was at Dig Dug. 

She felt at peace with the blonde, like she was free to be herself. Like she didn’t have to hide behind that cool exterior she’s spent so long building. Jinsoul was the warmth Sooyoung never experienced but Ha always wanted. “I know something we could catch up on.” Yubin laughs as Sooyoung rolls her eyes, is this the way she came off to other girls? She didn’t think she was this greasy when trying to pick up a one night stand.

Sooyoung prepares herself as Yubin begins to strut back over to her, but thankfully, a loud ringing interrupts the both of them. Sooyoung stares at the landline and when she turns back, she’s face to face with Yubin, “don’t answer it baby.”

With a smile, Sooyoung grabs the phone and holds it up, “hello?”

~~~~

_ Five minutes earlier _

“Oh my god Jinsoul it’s just Sooyoung...pick up the phone and dial the number.” Xiaojun groans from her bed, he’s reading a magazine while Jinsoul paces a trench into her bedroom floor. He’s right...it’s just Sooyoung. Who’s really cool and probably doing cool things with some other cool person that’s not Jinsoul.

Who’s a loser. 

_ What?  _ “I am not a loser, she is.” Jinsoul groans out, Xiaojun gives her a funny look before going back to his magazine. Jinsoul wants to pull every blonde strand of hair out of her head. Since when did she get so nervous with Sooyoung. The party and now a stupid phone call. Just what kind of spell had this girl put over her.

Jinsoul was starting to steam, she really fell straight into Sooyoung’s trap just like everyone else did, god that girl is seriously charming. However, Jinsoul didn’t think her heart being captured was so bad. Stockholm syndrome she guesses, or maybe she wanted to fall into the trap all along. 

Still, Jinsoul felt foolish. She was supposed to be getting over this obsession, not making it worse. She’s gotten what she’s wanted. Sooyoung appreciates her like she wants her to. And Jinsoul’s come to truly care about the girl. So why wasn’t this...going away. Why did she want even more?

“Fuck it I’m calling.” Jinsoul grumples and picks up her pink phone, smashing the faded buttons.

Xiaojun snorts, “And the crowd goes wild...wowwww she’s actually doing it.” 

Not paying attention to her best friend, the line rings.  _ What if she wasn’t even home _ , Jinsoul’s about to hang up but then the prettiest voice flows through her ears, burning the nerves in her tummy even hotter. “Hello?” 

~~~~

Sooyoung listens to the static, until a shy whisper cracks through the silence. “Ew...you sound even more annoying over the phone.” Yubin watches as Sooyoung’s pupils dilate to full size, the older woman can’t help but feel jealous. Her student never looked at her that way.

Now, someone over the phone was making Sooyoung’s eyes sparkle intensely. 

Her heart skips twice, three times. “Jinsoul?” Sooyoung holds the phone with both hands, the stupidest smile forming on her face. Leaning her shoulder on the wall she fights the giddy feeling surging through her body. Jinsoul called her, the blonde remembered her number. She wanted to talk.

Yubin raises a brow and Sooyoung shoos her off, hating what’s to come after she hangs up this phone. “Awe babe you remembered my name. Good job, you get an A plus for not being as stupid as you look.” Sooyoung snorts, used to her blood would boil when Jinsoul would mock her. But it was just a form of Jinsoul’s enormous amount of affection. And the blonde had many forms of it.

Some forms that Sooyoung couldn’t handle. Like when Jinsoul had kissed her cheek while clinging onto her, or told her sweet nothings in that dreamy yet deep voice, or listened to her like she’s the only person in the world. “Did you just call to insult me or do you actually have something important to tell me?” 

Sooyoung’s cheeks heat up when she hears Jinsoul laugh over the line, “as much as I would enjoy that, it’s not the reason I called.” 

“Oh yeah? Let me guess, you wanted to hear my beautiful voice?” Sooyoung teases, waiting to receive a groan over the static but it never comes.

Instead, there’s an even sweeter laugh than before. “Actually yeah, I was thinking of you.” She can tell Jinsoul’s smiling by the way she sounds breathless, Sooyoung’s mouth goes dry and her mind goes blank. She didn’t expect Jinsoul to say something like that. Something capable of making her knees lock up so that she has to lean onto the wall for support.

Yubin gives her a look from across the table, Sooyoung glares at her before turning around. “I’m flattered, princess...I’m glad you’re not trying to hide how much you like me now.” Twirling her finger on the cord of the phone she does hear a faint scoff over the speaker. Sooyoung can’t help but bite her lip.

“Oh whatever, I’m hanging up.” Jinsoul mumbles out.

Sooyoung is quick to protest, “NO!” 

It’s silent and she forces herself to turn to check if Yubin was eavesdropping. She was, and the older woman looked amused about something. “You were saying something about how much I like you?” Embarrassed Sooyoung takes a moment to calm down, trying not to pay attention to the mocking tone of Jinsoul’s voice.

“I’ve been waiting for your call for weeks, of course I don’t want you to go.” Sooyoung says honestly and hears a soft sigh.

Jinsoul hums, “gross. That was...cute, anyways.” Sooyoung continues to chew at her lip, “I did call for another reason than to just annoy you. I’ll be busy most of next week and well, I wanted to tell you so you won’t miss me that much or wait for me at the arcade.” 

Of course, Sooyoung lets a pout form on her face, wishing Jinsoul could see it so she’ll go back on her word. But unfortunately, Jinsoul was telling the truth. “Really? How come?”

“Business conference with some other students, we’re trying to get an internship.” Sooyoung listens carefully, that’s right. Jinsoul was a business major meaning that her future will be busy, maybe even too busy for Sooyoung. She doesn't want to admit how afraid she is that their friendship may be temporary. “I may have a surprise for you though.”

Sooyoung’s frown flips at that, “yeah? What is it?” It’s strange how happy Jinsoul can make her at the simplest things. Sooyoung hasn’t been happy for a long time, but meeting Jinsoul...she thinks she’ll be just fine. 

“Wouldn’t make it a surprise if I told you.” Sooyoung agrees with a sad sigh and it turns downright depressing when Jinsoul mumbles out, “I better go, Xiaojun is calling for me.”

She doesn’t want Jinsoul to go… “when am I going to see you again?”

Jinsoul is silent for a few seconds but then says something that makes Sooyoung’s head spin, “when you miss me enough.” The line goes dead, and so does Sooyoung’s excitement. 

~~~~

Letting out a breath she was holding the entire time, Jinsoul makes sure the phone is hung up. Was she just flirting with Sooyoung? Turning to Xiaojun, she’s met with a knowing smirk. Yup, she was definitely just flirting with Sooyoung and the most surprising part is she wasn’t ashamed. She wanted to keep doing it. Jinsoul would kill to see the look on Sooyoung’s face. 

She wouldn’t doubt Sooyoung was smiling shyly. A deep blush on her face, it makes her own ears turn red. “What?” She cringes at how high her voice is. 

Xiaojun kicks his feet in the air, “biiiitch are we gonna talk about the elephant in the room.”

Jinsoul swallows and makes her way over to bounce on top of the mattress with him. She gasps and plays it off, “oh my god you’re gay?” 

Xiaojun glares at her before smiling, “no...you are.” 

Clenching her jaw, Jinsoul turns her cheek. She wasn’t gay, she just had a great and profound admiration for women, especially Sooyoung. That doesn’t mean that she wants to kiss any girl she finds pretty or that she’s ever fantasized about being with a girl. How much more softer their hands are...or how plump and smooth their lips are. 

Most of all, it did not mean she liked Sooyoung.

Jinsoul flirted with all her friends, just because her tummy clenched when she flirted with Sooyoung and not with anyone else didn’t mean anything.

“Xiaojun we’ve been over this.” She whispers.

“Yeah we have, everytime you’d kiss Xiaowei in the closet we’d have this conversation.” Jinsoul’s nostrils flared up, they’d pinky promised to never speak that name again. Jinsoul used to kiss this one girl...a lot but it was just for fun. Kissing boys was way better. Jinsoul turns on her side, back towards Xiaojun who whined at her avoidance, “Soul come on, you know you can talk to me about these things!” 

Maybe talking it out will get all the confusion out of her head. But she can’t face Xiaojun or he’ll get something wrong in his head, “you’ve met Sooyoung. She’s practically a goddess. It’s hard not to have some sort of crush on her.”

Xiaojun rests his head on his hand, staring at the blonde’s profile, “yeah, but there’s a difference, you can have friend crushes and then the type where you fall in love with them.” Something sticky and poisonous lodges in Jinsoul’s throat at the word  _ love.  _ “I don’t think you’re in love or will actually fall for her, but you definitely like Sooyoung a little more than you should don’t you?” 

Jinsoul sighs, her best friend is right. “Xiaojun she’s so dreamy.” Turning around, her eyes gloss over with fearful tears. “From the moment I saw that highscore on that arcade game I was obsessed. I made up my mind that I had to know her, that she was supposed to be close to me.” 

Xiaojun nods seriously, listening to her without butting in. “I had my fantasy and it was overwhelming when she was everything I imagined. The way she talked the way she walked. Even the way she looked at me was so...UGH.” Jinsoul groans and kicks her feet off the mattress, reaching over she clutches one of her pillows to her chest. “She was a mystery I wanted to solve. God it was like she stole my heart right outta my chest.” Jinsoul whines while squeezing the pillow wishing it was Sooyoung. 

Her friend sighs, “but you didn’t factor in if she’d like you back.” Jinsoul looks up at him, yeah, she didn’t fit that in with the scenarios she’d fantasize about. She just thought the ghost of the arcade would somehow go with everything conjured in her head. “And that’s why you wanted to hate her, because she wanted nothing to do with you, because she might have hated you.”

Jinsoul flips onto her back, “She didn’t, now that I think of it. I approached her the wrong way. Sooyoung’s...reserved. Kinda withdrawn from the world around her, but I tried to force her to be in mine. And it hurt when she ignored me.” Jinsoul pouts up, “but she wasn’t ignoring me. She’s not talkative, really she listened to everything I said.” Closing her eyes, she drapes her elbow across them. “I tried to convince myself that she wasn’t really what I wanted after all. But I couldn’t get it out of my head, how much I needed to be around her.” 

Xiaojun pats her tummy, “is it different now? That things are going your way?” 

Jinsoul snorts, “no, it’s worse.” Sooyoung was supposed to continue to be that chic, yet cold girl she met that night. The girl with just the right amount of sympathy to not be completely heartless. But Sooyoung was a lot more than that, a lot more than what Jinsoul had assumed of her. Of course, the blonde was right about a lot of things when it came to Sooyoung. But her answer to the mystery of who Sooyoung wasn’t complete one, she didn’t get full credit from figuring out that Sooyoung’s actually just a sweetheart.

Sooyoung didn’t just have one wall, she had multiple. Jinsoul doesn’t think she’s even close to breaking one down. 

But she knows one thing, “she’s so fucking cute.” Turning to Xiaojun he smiles, “that’s what makes it worse, I wish she really was just a jerk. Then I’d have a reason to hate her...instead she’s…” A thousand words come to Jinsoul’s head. Sooyoung’s definitely a heart-throb. And Jinsoul’s at a dangerous risk of having cardiac arrest.

“What do I do Xiaojun, just wait until it goes away?” She asks seriously. Jinsoul doesn’t know if this is an actual crush. Or if it’s that new feeling when she meets someone that doesn’t irritate her for once. 

Xiaojun hums, “or maybe I don’t know, go with your heart and see where things go?” 

Jinsoul side eyes him, “um no thanks, she’s not really my type you know.” Xiaojun raises a brow, questionably and Jinsoul’s resolve crumbles, “oh get real, so what I think she’s one of the sexiest girls I’ve seen doesn't mean I wanna swap spit with her. Ugh, as if.” Sooyoung was...attractive in a sense. Very attractive. But Jinsoul shivers at the thought of sharing a little more than just skinship with the girl.

“Yeah sure, so you don’t want to get it on with the one and only yves?” Jinsoul smacks Xiaojun in the chest as he giggles, “I’m just saying something’s telling me that Sooyoung knows how to knot a cherry stem with her tongue.” 

Jinsoul rolls her eyes and pretends to not think about...certain things. “Come on, you gotta crush on her too and you don’t see her that way.”

Xiaojun rubs on his chest, “well yeah cause I wanna be her, you wanna be  _ on _ her.” Jinsoul slams her fists onto the mattress before rising up to stomp across her room. Xiaojun only laughs, knowing he’s starting to get into his best friend's head. The blonde only starts to throw various objects at him before he starts to apologize. But really, he has nothing to be sorry for.

He was only speaking the truth.

~~~~

Sooyoung’s sketches of Jinsoul doesn’t come out entirely right. It’s been almost four days since she’s laid eyes on the blonde, almost four days since she heard that voice. What makes matters worse is that Yubin is here. Her excuse was that she wanted to have lunch with Sooyoung, but was not pleased when Sooyoung had said she doesn’t take lunch breaks.

Pressing her finger onto the page she closes her eyes and tries to remember the soft features of Jinsoul’s face. Just how gorgeous she really is. Sooyoung feels herself slip into a comfortable drift as she remembers the day Jinsoul had pulled her out for some mock photoshoot. How can one girl’s smile feel like everything to Sooyoung. 

Jinsoul was easy to fall in love with.

A little too easy, but how could Sooyoung resist? When everything about the blonde was like a dream come true.

She’s knocked out of reminiscing over holding Jinsoul’s hand when Yubin clears her throat. Sooyoung glares at her, how could this woman be so important to her at one point but now a pain in the ass. A 180 of what Jinsoul was to her. 

“You know if you’re hungry I’m sure one of the guys won’t mind going to lunch with you.” Sooyoung dead pans. Hoping Yubin gets the hint and leaves. 

But the older woman waves her off, “no I’ll wait for you. Since you’re doing something so important.” Yubin smiles as Sooyoung sheepishly glances down at her drawings. She told the woman it was concept art…

About to just shove the woman out, instead someone pushes into her office. About to yell at Haechan for barging in on her she’s shoots out of her seat a different way. Yubin raises a brow as Sooyoung stiffins straight up, knocking her chair over in the process. 

It’s Jinsoul, “SURPRISE! I KNOW WHERE YOU WORK!” If this was anyone else Sooyoung would be creeped out, but this was Jinsoul, so of course her heart was pounding with excitement.

Sooyoung stammers, wanting to die from embarrassment, “J-Jinsoul uh,um-”

“Heyyyyy babe!” Jinsoul rushes in, completely ignoring Yubin who is throwing daggers at her. Sooyoung has her hands glued to her sides until Jinsoul is throwing herself into her arms.She knows she’s gonna get an integration when Yubin stares right at her as the biggest and dumbest grin appears on her face when she realizes that it’s Jinsoul is hugging her.

Sooyoung doesn’t pay mind to Yubin’s cold expression; instead, she hugs Jinsoul back with just as much enthusiasm. Jinsoul squeals at the reciprocated affection and starts to bounce on her toes, pressing her cheek to Sooyoung’s chest. She can’t help but hold the blonde’s head there, hoping she never pulls away.

She also hopes that Jinsoul can’t hear the drum beat of her heart. But she doesn’t have much luck on her side. Jinsoul’s ear is pressed right against it. They hug a bit longer than intended. Maybe it’s because Jinsoul wasn’t too keen on letting go, and Sooyoung wasn’t letting her make the decision by pulling her closer every time the blonde moved the slightest inch. 

Jinsoul does force them apart after a while, much to Sooyoung’s disappointment. Before Sooyoung can say something, the blonde raises up a brown paper bag. Jinsoul giggles before pushing it into Sooyoung’s hands. “I missed you so I brought you lunch or whatever.” Sooyoung stares at the bag in her hands with a bit of awe, “and don’t say a word or so help me god.” Jinsoul’s mood flips but then bounces right back. 

Sooyoung’s mouth opens and closes, but she can only look into Jinsoul’s dark brown eyes. They had a twinkle in them, one she’s come to adore. She’s beginning to adore this girl. Jinsoul’s smile is shining and her eyes widen, “what is it?” The blonde starts to become concerned but Sooyoung can’t break out of the trance she’s in.

She doesn’t know what’s harder to face. Just how much she’s missed Jinsoul in such a short amount of time, or that she doesn’t want to go this long without seeing her again. The blonde pouts up and Sooyoung wants to kiss it away, but is painfully reminded that they’re not alone in the office.

Yubin clears her throat and Jinsoul rips her stare from her. Sooyoung slumps over, like Jinsoul’s gaze was the only thing keeping her alive. Thankfully, as Jinsoul notices Yubin in the corner, Sooyoung’s blessed with the view of the blonde’s perfect jawline. Hey eyes trail over it slowly, until she’s soaking in Jinsoul’s full profile.

Sooyoung knows she must look like an idiot, about to pass out from simply staring at this girl. She watches the flutter of Jinsoul’s eyelashes, “oh hi sorry did I interrupt something!” 

Jinsoul’s never been so professional before. The blonde’s voice smooths out, contrasting the normal deep and slow mumble she speaks with. Yubin only gives her a fake yet polite smile, “not at all we were just going to lunch.”

Sooyoung’s mouth waters when Jinsoul’s jaw tightens up and her brows turn downward. She has no idea why, but the only thing she can focus on is how attractive it is. “My bad, if I had known I could have gotten you something too, I’m Jinsoul!” The blonde walks over to shake hands and Sooyoung is still stuck on how cute Jinsoul’s cheeks looked. 

“Yubin, and it’s fine. Sooyoung wasn’t really wanting to go anyways.” Jinsoul’s smile becomes forced and becomes jaded as well. Sooyoung watches the exchange nervously. The blonde looks a lot softer than usual, her hair isn’t teased, instead it was laying in faint waves that Sooyoung wished she could run her hands through. The tri-color hair clips just added to the effect. 

But with Yubin here, she doesn’t think Jinsoul will be staying long. The thought sets Sooyoung in a bad mood. Jinsoul looked too cute for her own good, and Sooyoung wouldn’t be able to appreciate it or tell her. 

Jinsoul slides over to her to give her one last side hug, Sooyoung doesn’t even have the motivation to return it. “I guess I’ll be going then, since you guys are busy.” There’s a slight sadness to Jinsoul’s voice and Sooyoung feels her heart crack.

The blonde smiles at her and pats her hip before pulling away. Sooyoung grabs her hand, “thank you Jinsoul. You didn’t really have to.”  _ Don’t go, is what she really wants to say.  _ Jinsoul winks at her and raises up to kiss her on the cheek, Yubin’s scoff could be heard from miles away and Sooyoung’s blush heats the whole room up.

Jinsoul’s kiss redirects though, straight to her ear. “She doesn’t like me does she?” Sooyoung shivers as Jinsoul’s lips graze across the lobe, does the blonde even know what she’s doing to her? 

Sooyoung’s relieved of embarrassing herself as Jinsoul shuffles back onto her heels. But humiliation comes in a different form. Jinsoul’s eyes shift right down to her desk, where all the drawings were. “Hey that looks like-”

Throwing herself onto her desk she groans at Jinsoul, “don’t look at it.”

Jinsoul blinks out of fear, “okayyy weirdo jeez.” The blonde scratches at her head, “well this is awkward as hell so I’m out! Byeeee. Nice meeting you um...yeah. Bye!” Jinsoul leaves with a skip to her step, blowing a kiss towards her as she walks through the door. 

The silence that comes after is a bit hard for Sooyoung to handle. She stares down at the lunch Jinsoul brought her, trying to wrap her head around that this was the same girl that wanted to kill her some time ago, “so that’s your little girlfriend?” Sooyoung glances up at Yubin who had a straight face. “Jinsoul the girl from the phone right?” 

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Sooyoung warns. But the long sigh that comes out of her mouth seconds later doesn’t help her case. Yubin rolls her eyes and stands. 

“Sooyoung I know you’ve liked the...hmm how can I say this without coming off rude.” Yubin trails off as she walks over to her desk, Sooyoung pulls her seat back up from where she knocked it over. Sitting in it she doesn’t have the chance to protect the bag Jinsoul gave her from being snatched up, “ She’s cute, pretty in-fact. Hard to say anything bad to a girl that adorable.” 

While Yubin digs through the lunch she pulls out a small note, Sooyoung doesn’t notice because she’s so focused on not getting angry. She keeps her cool to hide the emotion boiling in her chest. “But you can’t be serious can you?” Yubin asks before crumbling the note in her hand and shoving it in her jacket pocket. 

Sooyoung rolls her eyes finally looking up at Yubin, “Whatever you’re thinking, you’re wrong. Jinsoul is different.” Most girl’s were unique but that wasn’t what Yubin was pointing towards. Sooyoung knew the woman would try and convince her that Jinsoul would drop her as soon as she found out about...her interest in other women. But Jinsoul didn’t, she accepted her with open arms. 

“Different? Different how.” Yubin raises her brow while tossing the bag back to Sooyoung. She’d keep the note in her pocket. That had the blonde’s name in cursive with xoxo at the end, followed along with a phone number. Sooyoung didn’t need that. “She’s just like every other little wanna be pop-star. It’s a bit boring at this point. The style, the hair, that perfect smile.” 

Sooyoung grumbles, allowing Yubin to continue with her little lecture on why Jinsoul was bad for her, “What? You know I’m right. You’ve always been into those girls that are so popular they have their own little following. But really there’s nothing interesting about them. Except that they hang out at the mall every fucking weekend.” Yubin struts behind her, “Their heads are empty, the only room they have up there is from the countless admirers and what’s new out of the catalogs. What do you call that...hm an airhead!” 

Yubin hugs her behind her, sliding her hands across her shoulders seductively. Sooyoung pushes her off with a shrug, hunching over when Yubin’s breath ghosts the back of her neck, “She’s not an airhead. She’s nothing like that.” Jinsoul’s smart, with books and the streets. Sooyoung wasn’t as aware as her when she was Jinsoul’s age, and that was only a few years ago.

“Why do you defend her so much, it’s like you’re already in love with her.” Something lodges in Sooyoung’s throat at the accusation. Yeah, she said Jinsoul was easy to fall in love with, but that doesn’t mean she actually is. That would be a bad decision, even worse would be the blonde falling for her. 

Sooyoung stares down at her trembling hands, “I’m not in love with her. She’s just a good friend, unlike some people.” Her tone isn’t convincing even to herself. Yubin isn’t affected by the slight jab either. 

The older woman plays with Sooyoung’s hair, that was starting to grow out, “then what’s so special about this girl that’s got you so consumed? Wait...let me guess.” Yubin tugs on a strand of dark brown hair, making Sooyoung’s cheeks tinge with anger, “She doesn’t ignore you like every other girl you’ve ever had a thing for has.” 

Sooyoung’s pulled back into her days in college and even earlier than that, the many times she was stuck on girl’s who wouldn’t even look her way. That didn’t or wouldn’t ever know she existed. The girls that Yubin taught her how to avoid.  _ Girls like Jinsoul. _ “Trust me Sooyoung, the only reason she's probably catering to you is because no one else is fawning over her. She feeds off the attention, doesn’t matter where she gets it from.” 

She’s just as bad, it’s not like she does the same thing with girls who do end up falling for her. Sooyoung feeds off being needed, until it gets too much.“She’s no different from any of those other girls. Soon she’ll have a boyfriend and forget all about little ol’ you.” 

Yubin is wrong about Jinsoul just like she once was. “And you’ll be left heart broken.”

“That won’t happen.”

“And how can you be so sure?”

Sooyoung swallows, “Because she cares about me.”

Yubing laughs out loud, like it was the stupidest thing she’s ever heard, “Oh my god this is pitiful. Here I thought I taught you better than that...you remember the last time you thought a girl cared about you?” The older woman reaches down to touch the left side of her waist, dragging her touch up, it felt like poison. Yubin touches the scar and Sooyoung has to bite the insides of her cheeks to not break, “And who was there for you when this happened. Nobody Sooyoung.” 

The older woman finally pulls away, allowing Sooyoung to breathe properly. Sooyoung watches with disdain as Yubin trails around the room, “So don’t get wrapped up into some flooze just because you like the way she looks at you.” Yubin stares at her from across the desk with a sympathetic gaze, but Sooyoung knows the woman is trying to be manipulative. 

“Or you’ll end up losing your own game to somebody that doesn’t even know how to play it.” Sooyoung stares up at her with regret. Yubin played her the same way a long time ago. She was the girl that was fooled and now she was doing the same thing to her lovers.

Sooyoung thought it was the only way...but maybe with Jinsoul. Maybe it could be different. “Trust me, I don’t plan on pursuing her. So you can stop being jealous.” Who was she kidding, Sooyoung will never have the guts to confess to Jinsoul. 

Yubin scoffs, “me? Jealous? Please why would I be jealous of that.” The woman crosses her arms and fakes a concerned tone, “I’m just looking out for you Sooyoung.” Rolling her eyes, Yubin leans back over the desk and brings her voice down to a whisper, “does she even know you’re ya know?” 

Sooyoung narrows her eyes at the limp wrist Yubin throws at her. Not daring to answer, Yubin clicks her tongue, “like I said, you remember last time you trusted someone, what makes you so sure that she’s different.” Sooyoung stares down at her lap, faint memories fade into sharper images.

But then she remembers what Jinsoul said.

_ You can trust me. _

And Sooyoung does, even though it scares her more than anything. 

“I’m positive I don’t have to worry about it.” Sooyoung determines, more to herself than to Yubin.”So you shouldn’t either.”

The woman raises her brow with a question, “oh is that right?” Sooyoung doesn’t react as Yubin rolls her eyes and starts to pack her things. Sooyoung doesn’t know whether to be relieved or irritated. 

As Yubin walks out of her office she grabs the door frame to look back at her once more. A knowing smirk playing on her lips. “Just don’t be surprised when she ends up hating you.” Sooyoung heart sinks at the words. She doesn't know what would be worst. Jinsoul breaking her heart.

Or if she breaks Jinsoul’s.

~~~~

Holding up the polaroid camera, Jinsoul tries to hide her scowl. The blonde had been third wheeling ever since she got here. Doyeon and Yoojung were posing in front of some heaping tower of fireworks and Jinsoul was the one forced to take pictures of the disgustingly adorable couple.

It was hard walking around a festival where there was just love blossoming all around her. She lost count of how many pairs of dates she had seen. Girls wrapped around some guy’s arm. Boys chasing after groups of girls. She remembers getting sick while watching two love birds feed each other greasy food while she was waiting for some cotton candy.

Instead of feeling lonely, Jinsoul lost herself in the noise. All the rickety rides with millions of flashing lights to make them seem more fun, the screams from the watermelon eating contest, firecrackers popping around all their feet. The summer flower festival, except really, there was only one little vendor that had flowers. It was some old woman with a poor selection of hibiscus. 

No the real festival was in the show of fireworks, artery clogging food and rides that made said food come back up. Jinsoul kept zoning out at the lights and noises, all spinning around and around her head. It was numbing in a way, and helped distract her from feeling jaded. 

Like right now, as she watched the ferris wheel go around and around. Doyeon and Yoojung were on it. But Jinsoul didn’t want to be the loser who rode it by herself. She was jealous simply put it, of all the gushy sweetness that love is. The blonde has never gone to the summer flower festival without a boyfriend. This year she just didn’t feel like dealing with some guy that would hardly fill the emptiness. 

It’d never ever be enough, or close to the real thing.

Where was her fairytale romance? 

Jinsoul had dressed her best, she got a new perm, putting it halfway up with some beaded hair ties that matched the earrings and necklace she had on. She used her prettiest shade of eyeshadow and lined her lips and wore a white lacy corset top with high waisted leather pants that fit perfectly to her form. It definitely made a few jaws loose. Some part of her was hoping she’d run into a certain little tech nerd (she’d been looking for Sooyoung all night actually, as much as she wouldn’t admit it), and another part was telling her to find the first person who looks at her and spend the night with them just so she’d stop thinking about  _ her.  _ Jinsoul couldn’t believe herself, she never got dolled up for anyone. However, the way that Sooyoung complimented her last time stuck to her like glue.

Every Time she’d catch some guys gaze from across the mudded ground of the festival. The empty feeling got worse and the cotton candy she was munching on became bitter. Jinsoul hates that she knows what she wants now. And she can’t even substitute anything for it. She'd rather keep third wheeling, but it was making her miserable every time her friends shared a loving look.

She kept imagining it was her and... “FUCK THIS!” Jinsoul was never the jealous one, especially something over this lame! The blonde raises up from her spot on the bench. Jinsoul was tired of third wheeling, she was ditching this stupid festival and heading to the arcade. No she couldn’t do that either...cause that would just remind her of all the times they were there together. 

Sooyoung’s starting to ruin her in the best way possible. 

If this was months ago, before she met Sooyoung she could easily go to the arcade without hesitating or become some guy's arm piece to empty his pockets for fair games and lemonade. It wasn’t that simple anymore. All she freaking thinks about is Ha Sooyoung. She only wants to be with her, nobody else is acceptable anymore. Jinsoul’s heart won’t allow it.

Jinsoul stomps up to the ride operator, receiving mixed stares in the process. Some from her outfit, Jinsoul knows she looked really really good, but that wasn’t the point. She always looked good. And others stare from her rude attitude as she waves obnoxiously at the scrawny guy. “Hellooo Mr. toothpick!” 

He tosses his cigarette somewhere before stumbling up towards her. His monolid eyes trail up and down her body, “what’s up babe?” 

Resisting the urge to throat punch him, Jinsoul flutters her eyelashes. “Could you do me a huge favor?”

His smirk is sinister, “sure, depends on what you’ll do in return.” 

Jinsoul’s fake smile drops, “actually I changed my mind...pervert.” She turns to a mother and her kid, “hi miss.” The woman nods in a greeting but looks scared to death, “my friends are on this ride, two girl’s one is tall like, jolly green giant tall, and the other is tiny and cute. Can you give them this camera and tell them that Jinsoul is going home.” 

The fear in the woman’s eyes fades and she takes the camera. Jinsoul flips around and starts to strut through the little alleyways of rides and set ups for fair games. She plans on going home, right after she gets one of those footlong corn dogs. She needed to really prepare for the next D&D session...

Getting dizzy from all the lights and heat, Jinsoul leans back onto the cool metal of one of the many fun houses scattered around the festival. She closes her eyes and takes a few deep breaths but then her focus is broken by a muffled voice. “Gum?”

About to cuss out whoever was bugging her during her obvious breakdown she opens her eyes to meet a very familiar hand. Jinsoul blinks at the gold banded rings wrapped around a lithe pinky and thumb. Jinsoul’s eyes slowly trail up the arm that the piece of dangling gum belonged to.

As soon as she sees that cocky grin…her heart drops.

_ Oh brother _

~~~~

Sorry for the filler chapter! Don’t you guys just love these anyways I promise to make up for it in the next chapter ;) like REALLY make up for it. No longer will this be bad of a slow burn :( idk if that’s a good thing or bad thing let’s turn it up tho

Thank you all for all the nice comments and stuff I am very grateful! It makes my heart tingle a little...lots of love stay safe! Hope you all enjoy this mess as always MUAH <3

  
  



	15. The best candy you’ve ever had

Escaping from her five sisters hadn’t been easy but Sooyoung managed to slip into one of the many hiding places the festival offered. She leaned back onto some big metal sheet, crossing one leg over the other and tossed a piece of gum in her mouth to cool her nerves.

She replaced one bad habit with another. Nicotine for mint. After relaxing for a few minutes, Sooyoung figures she should return to her sisters. They dragged her here straight after work, no time to change or make herself look decent.

Not like she was trying to impress anyone anyways. Well, there was Jinsoul. Who Sooyoung tried extra hard to be cool for, but she doubts she’ll run into the blonde tonight even though she’s positive she’s here. Jinsoul wouldn’t even notice her, she’s probably with her friends or worse...a date.

_ She’ll get a boyfriend and forget all about you. _

Yubin’s words ring through her ears like sirens. Sooyoung should take the warning literally and start pulling away from Jinsoul, but she’s afraid her attachment to the blonde has become too strong to put the distance between them. She can be the girl’s friend even after the inevitable comes and the blonde gets a lover who’s not her. Sooyoung has to prepare for that, she has to prepare to be okay that Jinsoul will never be hers.

Even though it’s all she wants.

But her need for Jinsoul to be around overpowers that want so Sooyoung will have to swallow her desires. 

This week has been...difficult, with not seeing Jinsoul for a long period of time. The blonde lives rent free in her head now. Most thoughts are good, Sooyoung just mulls over how perfect and amazing Jinsoul is and those eyes she has. Other times, Sooyoung thinks about the bad things. About what Yubin said but Sooyoung reassured herself that none of it was true. Because she knows Jinsoul and she’s a lot more than what people assume.

Still, it didn’t help with the already established fear inside that Jinsoul may get tired of her. It would be her karma for breaking it off with all the girls that’s ever loved her. The one time she falls, she’s the one tossed to the side. Sooyoung hates that she’s starting to lose her own game.

She wonders if Jinsoul misses her as much as she missed the blonde.

“Jesus.” Sooyoung raises her head up from where she was staring at her old sneakers. Her heart drops to her tummy at who joins her in the little alley between festival games. She straightens up and holds her breath as her favorite girl walks closer and closer to her.

Of course Jinsoul would be here at the perfect moment. It’s like the universe was playing in her favor and Sooyoung couldn’t be more thankful. She can’t describe the happiness that flows through her body now even though the blonde looked downright pissed at whatever. 

Sooyoung’s learned to love all the attitudes Jinsoul throws at her. In a way, the blonde just gets more adorable the angrier she gets. 

_ Just look at that face.  _

Jinsoul doesn’t even seem real, Sooyoung thinks she may have manifested the blonde right before her eyes. She has been obsessively daydreaming about Jinsoul so she wouldn’t be surprised if this was some sort of mirage. Sooyoung has spent so much time wishing she was here, her poor tortured mind starting hallucinating that she was.

But as soon as the blonde’s perfume hits her nose she knows it’s real. Her jaw is locked tight and her eyebrows are knit down, like she’s in deep thought. Sooyoung doesn’t breathe as she passes, hoping to not be seen yet. She really doesn’t know how Jinsoul notices her stare. Sooyoung’s all eyes for her.

_ She really is beautiful,  _ Sooyoung thinks. The blonde’s hair is different, like it was done at the salon. Sooyoung can smell the aqua net as well when Jinsoul leans back onto the metal. For a moment, Sooyoung thinks Jinsoul knows she’s there. Just doesn’t want to acknowledge her yet. But when Jinsoul starts to mumble angrily to herself she knows the blonde thinks she’s alone.

Sooyoung takes a moment to let her eyes travel down the blonde’s figure. She can’t look for too long however or it feels like her heart is going to burst. Leather pants that stick to her hips and a corset top like the pop stars wear.  _ Does she have any idea of what she’s doing to me?  _ Taking a steady breath, Sooyoung digs into the pocket of her work slacks and pulls out the packet of gum. With a shaky hand she reaches out a piece to the blonde still huffing and puffing, “gum?”

Jinsoul freezes and her eyes open where they were closed. Suddenly the tie around Sooyoung’s neck is suffocating and her glasses feel like they’re gonna fog up from how hot her face gets. The blonde’s eyes slowly trail up her arm and when she meets them with her own Sooyoung forces a smile although she feels like throwing up from nerves.

Never has she had this hard of a time talking to a girl before. Jinsoul makes her feel like a teenager again. Usually Sooyoung found it easy weaving her way into a girl’s heart with shameless flirting, but with Jinsoul, she was afraid of trying. The sharpness in Jinsoul’s black eyes dulls and lithe fingers come to wrap around her wrist. Sooyoung’s mouth opens along with Jinsoul’s as the blonde brings the piece of gum up to her lips.

Jinsoul leans back and releases her wrist, the grin on her face isn’t arrogant like Sooyoung’s usually is. No, Jinsoul looks relieved. “Freaky shit, I was just thinking about you.” The blonde mumbles in that drawn out voice. Sooyoung listens to every syllable as if it was her lifeline. 

Sooyoung blushes, finding some sort of confidence and reassurance at Jinsoul’s confession. “You know what’s even weirder?” The blonde is picking at her nails but her eyes reach Sooyoung’s own again. They’re beaming with curiosity and something deeper that Sooyoung doesn’t want to figure out, “I was thinking about you too.” 

Jinsoul's obnoxious chewing slows down and her lips turn into a devilish smile. Sooyoung stuffs her hands in her pockets as Jinsoul draws her head back into a light laugh. Sooyoung wishes she could listen to it forever. She’d replace all her best traits just to be funnier for Jinsoul, to hear that laugh constantly. 

“Yeah? What were you thinking about?” Jinsoul asks while leaning closer to her, Sooyoung shrugs as their shoulder’s touch.

Sooyoung keeps her gaze locked with Jinsoul’s, “how bad you’d be at these rigged games.” She expects Jinsoul to scoff, but there’s only a giggle.

Jinsoul leans over until their shoulders are pressed together, “aww you’re so funny, I just was wanting to see you. A lot actually.” Sooyoung doesn’t know where all this is coming from but she can’t handle it. Her whole face is red by now. She becomes even tinier by scrunching up as much as she can, but then Jinsoul pokes her side gently, “don’t get shy on me now Sooyoung it’s a little too late for that.” 

Sooyoung is staring down at her sneakers as she digs the toe of them into the ground. It is a little too late for all that, but Jinsoul doesn’t know that all this time they’ve spent together. Sooyoung’s become weak, she has feelings and she doesn’t know how to control them. It’s been a long time since her heart has pounded like this.

She used to be so confident around Jinsoul. Was able to tease her just like any other girl she has before, but now Sooyoung was the girl with butterflies in her tummy. Sooyoung was full of herself most of the time, chalk full of cockiness. Jinsoul made her feel like amatur. Sooyoung was being outplayed at the game she’s mastered.

Sooyoung should have been the one making Jinsoul weak in the knees, not the other way around. Jinsoul pokes her again, “where’s that big ego of yours?”

Biting down on her lip Sooyoung glances at Jinsoul out of the corner of her eye, “I don’t need it when I’m around you.” Jinsoul makes her feel special enough that Sooyoung doesn’t need to remind herself that she is.

She can see the smile on Jinsoul’s face get wider, “I like you so much more when you’re being sweet.” Jinsoul tells her in a softer voice before.

“Aren't I always?” Sooyoung teases, finally getting the courage to look up. Jinsoul’s eyes lost their sharp edge and as attractive Sooyoung found it, she loved it when her eyes would puff up with excitement. 

Jinsoul knudges her in the shoulder, beginning to hang onto her. “Yes it’s...” The blonde groans, “but you can be such an ass too sometimes.” Jinsoul’s hand creeps around her waist and Sooyoung doesn't realize how close they are getting. Her hands are still in her pockets but they’re twitching to touch Jinsoul. Even though she wants to get closer, Jinsoul must be here with someone, maybe even a date. “Still, I wanna hang out with you.”

Sooyoung thinks about it, “you didn’t come with anyone?” 

“Well dumb and dumber.” Jinsoul answers but Sooyoung doesn’t understand, “Yoojung and her boo thing.” Sooyoung’s lips form an ‘o’ as Jinsoul keeps rambling, “and I didn’t want to be the third wheel anymore so I just kinda started walking around…” Jinsoul trails off so Sooyoung nods her head trying to get her to continue.

Jinsoul then perks up and starts to cling to her arm, “and then I found you!” 

Sooyoung wants to say yes, wants to go whenever Jinsoul takes her. But a thought nags her, “I don’t know...my sisters-”

“Oh Sooyoung please!” Jinsoul whines and Sooyoung’s brain fizzles out. How could she say no? 

Jinsoul really makes her an idiot sometimes, “you really wanna hang out with me that bad?” Sooyoung cringes at herself, she doesn’t know why she’s still questioning it. Jinsoul’s asking her so nicely and all she can do is make an ass outta of herself. 

The blonde is clearly getting annoyed with her as well, “remember you told me you’d get me anything I want if I called you and well I did so...right now I want you.” Sooyoung is surprised she doesn’t melt right then and there. Jinsoul’s pout is overwhelmingly effective and with the added innocent tone of her voice, she’s downright irresistible. Sooyoung doesn’t answer fast enough and Jinsoul pulls away, “unless you really don’t want to? I think I seen Minho earlier I-”

“NO.” Sooyoung screams out and grabs Jinsoul by the wrists, even though she’s extremely embarrassed by her outburst she grumbles out, “Of course I want to hang out with you.” Jinsoul’s expression is shocked at first but then a shit-eating grin forms on her face.  _ Little bitch... _ Sooyoung thinks as Jinsoul twirls around happily before throwing her arms around her shoulders.

Jinsoul knew exactly what she was doing when she mentioned his name. Sooyoung hates that she was so obvious, falling right into the blonde’s trap. She wouldn’t doubt if Jinsoul knew just how bad she had it for her. Jinsoul bounces in her arms and squeals and all Sooyoung can do is sigh exhaustedly. Jinsoul was a handful but she couldn’t get enough of the blonde.

She doesn’t think she’ll ever be satisfied with this feeling.

Just when Sooyoung thinks she has her heart back in control, Jinsoul presses her lips to the shell of her ear, “I know you can’t stand it when I talk about boys.” Sooyoung wants to claw her nails into Jinsoul’s hips, but she knows the reaction would be too telling. Instead she forces any emotion off her face as the blonde leans back. 

Jinsoul tries to read her but is unsuccessful. Sooyoung’s proud of herself, until Jinsoul begins to push at her buttons again. “Oh don’t be so cold you know it’s true.” Jinsoul drawls out and smiles brightly, “and I got all dolled up hoping I’d see you too, don’t you think I look pretty?” Sooyoung thought Jinsoul was impossible to be around when she was sweet, now she wasn’t sure how she was gonna survive with the blonde shamelessly flirting with her. 

Surely Jinsoul didn’t try for her, but the thought made Sooyoung drown in pride. Chewing on the inside of her cheek she coolly replies, “you always look good princess.” Tilting her head she allows her gaze to fall down the younger girl’s form slowly, drinking her in without caring how Jinsoul reacts. Sooyoung wouldn’t admit it, but Jinsoul looked more than just good. 

As Sooyoung checks her out, she can hear the blonde mumbles, “ew why do you always have to be gross about it.” Sooyoung shoots her eyes back up and into the dark gaze Jinsoul was giving her, it was clear that the blonde found the compliment everything but gross.

“You just...whatever.” Sooyoung gives up as the blonde giggles. It was obvious Jinsoul was teasing her. “I don’t even know why you ask me, you know I think you’re beautiful.” That seems to shut Jinsoul up as the mischievous smile drops and a blush spreads across her cheeks. 

“Shut up.” Jinsoul whispers as Sooyoung finally gets the upper hand. The blonde then grabs her hand and starts to drag her out of the alley way they were cooped up in. Sooyoung is allowed to slip back on her mask in public, she rolls the gum in her mouth around her teeth. Trying to distract herself from the girl by her side.

In the festival full of colors, Jinsoul looked way more beautiful than she did in the dark. All her features shine and Sooyoung gets stuck in the glow of them. 

The glare of reds and blues reflect off her glasses, and also the sparkle of Jinsoul’s smile whenever she turns back to her. Sooyoung doesn’t match it however, her lips stay slightly crooked. She can’t show Jinsoul how much that smile affects her. Sooyoung can’t let this girl know that she adores her. 

She used to work hard for that smile, pulling out the best of her charm and smooth talk. Sooyoung thought it was a rarity at first and a scowl was the blonde’s default and now she’d be met with pearly whites and crescent moon eyes with a single glance. Jinsoul used to just get angry at her presence but now the blonde seemed to be happy when she was around.

Sooyoung doesn’t know how to feel about that. But she does think it’s a good thing. She does miss teasing Jinsoul however. The blonde had a smart mouth and Sooyoung loved hearing it run and it was easy getting it started. 

Jinsoul is holding onto her arm and practically drags her through the mudded paths. The clumsy mixture of their paces cause them to walk closer together and Sooyoung hates that she starts to glance around to see if anyone notices them. Them looking like a couple should bring joy to Sooyoung’s heart, instead she only was getting scared.

Thankfully, Jinsoul’s one hell of a distraction. “You said something about your sisters?”

Sooyoung blinks out of the panic that was starting to form. She reminded herself this wasn’t a date, despite her feelings. She and Jinsoul were just friends, this was normal for friends to do right? Sooyoung’s not so sure...she’s never really had friends before.

“Yeah, they bugged me until I came, wouldn’t even let me go home first.” Sooyoung sighs heavily. It was hard to fight five stubborn girls, especially since they’re just like her.

Jinsoul blows a bubble with her gum before glancing down, “yeah I can tell.” Sooyoung narrows her eyes at the blonde as she blows another bubble before popping it.

Sooyoung looks down at her outfit.  _ God I look so fucking lame.  _ She freezes mid step and scans Jinsoul, who literally stepped out of a vogue photo shoot and then back at herself. She could pass for pc computing magazine. Pushing the blonde away she frantically untucks her button up from her work slacks and tears off her tie, shoving it into the back pocket of her pants. 

Knocking a few buttons loose from her shirt, she takes off her glasses as well, folding them into the front pocket where she kept a few pens. Jinsoul is definitely amused by the smirk on her lips and Sooyoung buffs out, “better? Do I look cool enough for you now?” Jinsoul raises a brow when she slaps her hands back down to her thighs almost aggravated.

It wasn’t that she was mad at Jinsoul, but her appearance to the blonde meant more than what she’d admit. 

Jinsoul steps forward to take her glasses back out of her pocket, gently putting them back over her eyes. “I think you look cuter with them on.” Sooyoung blushes and Jinsoul pushes some of the hair she knocked loose during her frantic transformation behind her ear. “And for the record you’ll never be cool enough for me but I’m humbled to hang out with a total loser.” Sooyoung’s blush turns to embarrassment as the blonde cackles. 

Sooyoung rolls her eyes and starts to walk but it isn’t soon after as Jinsoul’s skipping forward towards her, “awe did I hurt the poor baby’s feelings.” Shoving her hands into her pockets she ignores Jinsoul’s teases, the blonde wraps herself around her arm again and Sooyoung tries to not give in, “stop being so sensitive I was just playing.” 

“Were you though?” Sooyoung knows Jinsoul was but just wanted to make sure. Jinsoul’s said it herself before, one of the main reasons she was obsessed was because she thought Sooyoung was the coolest person ever. It’s just hard to believe for Sooyoung.

Jinsoul puts a bounce in her step and Sooyoung finds herself being dragged to a quicker walking pace. “Duh babe. You can pull off grandpa glasses and the color brown while still being the hottest girl alive.” 

Sooyoung raises a brow at that, “no shit?” Jinsoul side eyes her when she snorts at the compliment.

The blonde rolls her eyes and continues to pull them for the crowd, “have you ever looked in the mirror?” 

Jinsoul’s voice was getting lighter and lighter by the second and Sooyoung couldn’t help but pull her bottom lip between her teeth. “I have...what do you think I see when I do?” She hears a soft groan to her left but Sooyoung doesn’t dare to look, she only chews on her lip harder.

“Some dickhead,” Jinsoul replies and Sooyoung bites back a laugh, “with a cute face and gorgeous eyes.” She doesn’t expect the next half of the answer and she almost breaks her neck turning to Jinsoul. The blonde isn’t looking at her though, only in the distance. Sooyoung should be concerned by the scowl on Jinsoul’s lips and the knot between her brows, but she doesn’t think she’ll have to worry after seeing a faint blush dusting across puffy cheeks. 

Sooyoung smiles and nudges the blonde in the side, “sure you’re not talking about yourself?” Jinsoul rolls her eyes and shakes her head. But by the twitch of her top lip, Sooyoung knew Jinsoul liked it. 

Taking control of their paired walk, Sooyoung begins to lead them to some of the festival games. There was something oddly comforting about being with Jinsoul.

And tonight, Sooyoung planned to take advantage of that.

~~~~

Jinsoul rests a hand on her hip, poking it out as Sooyoung fails over and over again at a baseball toss. The older girl groans as she throws the ball aggressively, any other time Jinsoul would have found it attractive, but now she was just getting annoyed. 

It was cute, seeing Sooyoung try so hard for her. But Jinsoul just wanted to move on, the guy running the game was creepy and kept throwing her winks. Reaching forward she tugs on Sooyoung’s elbow, “Come on babe I’m tired of this one, lets go to the darts.” Sooyoung glares at her coldly and Jinsoul challenges the gaze, but seeing that Sooyoung isn’t going to give up anytime soon, the blonde just groans and backs away.

Sooyoung pulls out her wallet and throws another dollar at the guy, “you said you wanted a pound puppy, I’m getting you a pound puppy.” Jinsoul watches with tired eyes as Sooyoung cracks her neck and rolls her shoulders. Like she was actually playing some sport. Never has Jinsoul seen Sooyoung this frustrated at a game before, she usually didn’t even have to try to win. Leave it to the rigged toss game to finally break the girl’s relentless concentration.

“I did, but now I’m bored.” Jinsoul sighs out and crosses her arms. Sooyoung only mocks her by re-mouthing the words she said. She knows Sooyoung isn’t pissed at her, but it was pretty funny seeing the once cool headed player get so fired up over a stupid game. Sooyoung could usually win something without even blinking. Jinsoul smiles to herself as Sooyoung chews her gum in an arrogant manner. It was obvious that the older girl was trying to impress her.

But the only thing amusing was how bad Sooyoung was. “Shut your pretty ass up and watch.” Sooyoung picks up the baseballs and starts to throw them as hard as she can. Jinsoul watches as she misses every time. When she throws the last one, it hits the shelf, but none of the bottles move. “OH COME ON THAT’S A LOAD OF BULLSHIT!” 

Jinsoul’s brows raised high, if she thought it was hot when Sooyoung would play games like a pro, where she wouldn’t even have to look at a screen. Her losing her temper certainly got Jinsoul feeling a little breathless. Although she could watch this for a good half hour, Sooyoung was getting angier by the second. “Sooyoung just face it, you suck.” Jinsoul tells her in an innocent voice.

The older girl’s jaw clenches and she turns to look at her for the first time since they started. That gaze was like ice piercing through Jinsoul’s heart, “oh like you’re any better.”

Jinsoul rolls her eyes in an exaggerated manner before strutting over to Sooyoung, pouting her lip up she tilts her head to the side, “don’t get mad at me over a stupid game, I’m not the one with a terrible elbow.” Sooyoung seethes a cold fire, her face is expressionless but Jinsoul smiles knowing that Sooyoung probably wants to kill her right now.

“Fine why don’t you try it.” Sooyoung says calmly, her voice a bit raspy from all the yelling and groaning. It sends chills through Jinsoul’s spine and all the way down her toes. 

Sooyoung never really was competitive, but right now Jinsoul could see the determination in those black eyes. She loved it. Jinsoul has wanted to see Sooyoung riled up from the beginning. “Sure, don’t have to ask me twice to kick your ass.” Sooyoung's face steels even more as she literally throws a dollar at the game master. Jinsoul sniffs as she’s handed some balls.

As she’s preparing, looking at the pins with a bit of calculation, Sooyoung leans up onto the counter, checking her out as she does so. The dude behind the counter checks her out too, and she has to hide her smile when Sooyoung throws him a death glare, clearly jealous. Sooyoung knocks over some stray balls onto the floor making the guy grumble as he goes to pick them up. 

Jinsoul exaggerates the build up, shaking her whole body in front of Sooyoung before she reels her arms back. Pausing for a few seconds she slides her eyes to the older girl and winks, “watch and learn loser.”

Throwing the ball with speeds she manages to hit the stack of bottles square center. Sooyoung gasps with surprise, but then groans when none of the pins move. Jinsoul promised she wasn’t going to get mad over a stupid game just to prove a point. However, “WHAT THE FUCK?!” Jinsoul wanted to be the cool one this time around, whenever she and Sooyoung are at the arcade, the older girl acts all high and mighty with how good she is.

It’s so effortless, and in turn pokes fun at how worked up Jinsoul gets at the smallest inconvenience or when she loses. 

The creepy guy laughs, “better luck next time barbie girl.” 

Jinsoul starts to crawl over the counter, about to sock the guy right in the nose, but Sooyoung manages to pull her back. Jinsoul fists are clenched and she’s pretty sure steam is coming out of her ears, but Sooyoung’s smoothing voice calms her down, “you still got four balls left.”

The blonde nods and goes back to the spot, no more dramatics. She was winning a fucking pound puppy. This time, she doesn’t try to put on a show for Sooyoung, no matter how good she wanted to look for the girl. Jerking her elbow back she throws another one. It hits, but nothing moves. 

Jinsoul kicks the game stand, cursing every word she knows in the book. People start to look and Sooyoung covers her mouth while laughing. 

“Awe too bad, I really thought you were gonna win this time.” The guy replies again. Jinsoul knows it’s his job to rile them up, but she really. really. wanted to wipe that stupid smile off his face. The next ball hits as well, so does the next. But no pins fall, and all that does is Jinsoul’s resolve. “Damn...girls can’t do anything right but look pretty.”

Jinsoul’s eye twitches and Sooyoung stands up, she doesn’t look happy at all. Jinsoul won’t let Sooyoung fight this fight for her however, not this time. Jinsoul reaches for the last ball, staring at it closely. Sooyoung is glaring at the guy fiercely and Jinsoul comes up with a plan.

Reeling her elbow back one last time, she changes the course of her aim, throwing the ball straight at the guys nuts.

His eyes pop out of his sockets as Jinsoul rocket fires the ball to the money shot. Sooyoung’s jaw drops as Jinsoul starts to celebrate. Leaning over the counter, she dips her hand back into his little pouch and grabs a wad of the money he practically stole. “How’s that for a throw pencil dick?” Sooyoung grabs her a pound puppy as well, dragging her away from the scene as she throws both her middle fingers up at the guy on the verge of throwing up.

Sooyoung giggles at her flipping him off, clearly happy they sort of won the stupid game. Jinsoul’s too occupied by cussing out everyone who looks at her for causing such a scene to notice the warmth around her waist. She’s so angry, she can’t appreciate how Sooyoung’s holding her. 

“What are you freaks staring at?” Jinsoul yells at a group of teenagers who were staring at her funny. Sooyoung waves them off when they start to whisper to each other in fear. Jinsoul huffs and rips Sooyoung’s hand off her, “get off me weirdo, who told you to touch me?” 

Sooyoung huffs at her, “you need to like...chillax.” Jinsoul turns to glare at the older girl who was holding her plushie to her side. Sooyoung looks amused at her outburst and it just fires Jinsoul up more, “you got a major temper problem you know that right?” 

Jinsoul smacks the hand that tries to pinch her cheek away, Sooyoung's smile just gets wider as the blonde puffs up. Like a mad puppy. “Oh bite me Sooyoung.” Jinsoul crosses her arms and scowls. 

The older girl smirks and Jinsoul’s blood boils at how arrogant it is. Sooyoung then throws an arm around her tense shoulders, pulling them away from the scene before that guy comes back to try and take back his earnings. “I’m being honest princess.” Jinsoul rolls her eyes but leans into Sooyoung’s side anyway. Her hold was comforting and surprisingly calming Jinsoul down despite Sooyoung annoying the fuck out of her moments ago. “I like it when you’re bad.” Sooyoung tells her with a slight edge to her voice.

Jinsoul fakes a gag and pulls away from Sooyoung to toss her a look, “what?” Sooyoung asks her innocently and Jinsoul scoffs before fully stepping away from the girl.

The blonde keeps glancing back at Sooyoung, “Stop looking at me like that.” 

“But you’re so cute when you’re mad.” Sooyoung coos while pinching one of her puffed up cheeks, Jinsoul whines at the slight pain and pulls her face away from Sooyoung’s soft touch. “Look at them cheeks, how can I resist that pout of yours.”

“Shut. the. fuck. up.” 

Jinsoul muffles a scream when she has to keep smacking Sooyoung’s wandering hands away. It wasn’t that she didn’t want Sooyoung touching her, she was just afraid of it being obvious that she liked it. “So help me, Jinsoul if you push my hand away one more time.” Sooyoung warns and Jinsoul can’t help but bite her lip. 

“Or what? You gonna put me in time out?” She tilts her head at the taller girl before popping a bubble with her gum. 

Sooyoung simply stares at her for a few moments, narrowed eyes, straight face. Until the words come out dangerously suggestive, “something like that.” Jinsoul’s so distracted by the way her tummy twists she isn’t able to escape Sooyoung’s pull this time. The hand on her hip feels natural, but the heart palpitations are anything but normal. “See, not so bad is it?”

_ Of course it’s not bad you idiot...I like you. _

Jinsoul can’t think of any place she’d rather be than to be wrapped up with Sooyoung. She was endearing even when she was being gross, because Jinsoul liked it. If anyone else said the stuff that Sooyoung says to her, Jinsoul probably would destroy them via telekinesis or hidden lasers. However, the only thing she wanted to get rid of now was the stupid smile that was growing on her face.

Sooyoung of course notices it and teases her, but Jinsoul ignores her in an effort to not dig herself deeper into the pit of feelings she has for the taller girl. The blonde appreciates when Sooyoung doesn’t poke fun at her anymore, instead rubbing her bare arm to get rid of the chills. She was starting to regret her outfit choice, but Sooyoung’s reaction was priceless. 

Something catches Jinsoul’s eye, “wait can you get me that?” Sooyoung hums and stares in the direction where Jinsoul points. 

“The bbq on a stick?” Jinsoul nods where she was leaning her head back on Sooyoung’s shoulder, “of course, anything for the queen bee.”

Jinsoul rolls her eyes and backhands Sooyoung’s chest as the girl giggles. As Sooyoung walks up to the stand a cute girl pops up, Jinsoul raises a brow as the girl blushes when Sooyoung smiles at her. Jinsoul totally understands, Sooyoung had the dreamiest smile on the planet. Still…

_ Don’t get jealous _

_ Don’t get jealous _

The girl laughs at one of Sooyoung’s dumb jokes.

_ Ok. _

Jinsoul watches with narrowed eyes as the girl nervously takes Sooyoung’s order. Sooyoung pays with another smile and the girl looks like she’s about to pass out. Jinsoul tilts her head as the taller girl struts back over to her. Jinsoul’s view sways, mesmerized with Sooyoung’s hips but then she remembers the obvious flirting she just witnessed. 

There’s a cheeky grin on Sooyoung’s face as well but when she meets Jinsoul’s hardened gaze it drops in a second, “what? Did I get the wrong thing?” Jinsoul smiles with a bit of poison and shakes her head no.

Sooyoung awkwardly waits for the food since Jinsoul won’t let her come close anymore. It’s not that Sooyoung knew what she did, Jinsoul was being overdramatic. Sooyoung probably didn’t even know the girl was hitting on her. And again, it wasn’t like they were on a date or together like that.

They’re friends, so Jinsoul shouldn’t want to rip that girl’s head off for simply thinking Sooyoung’s cute.

Still.

The girl pops back out with hot food, Sooyoung thanks her with a sweet voice and turns quickly to hand Jinsoul her share. The girl locks eyes with her and Jinsoul tries to come off friendly, but the girl’s face turns pale. So much for hiding her jealousy. 

Chewing on her food, Jinsoul waits until they’re out of earshot to mumble, “that girl had the hots for you.” She rolls her eyes when she hears Sooyoung choking on her chicken.

Sooyoung pounds her chest a few times before squeaking out, “what girl?”

“Really? How many girls have you talked to tonight?” Jinsoul groans out impatiently.

The taller girl takes a few moments to think, “well my sisters and you, that’s it I think oh…” Realization dawns on Sooyoung and she turns to face Jinsoul. The blonde knots her brows at the action and looks Sooyoung up and down who was working up the courage to say something.

But before she can, Jinsoul makes sure to ramble out, “you should get her number.”

Sooyoung’s mouth opens and closes a few times, “wait what?”

Jinsoul huffs, “I said-”

“No, I heard you it’s just...why?” 

The blonde blinks, “because she obviously was feeling you and I don’t know she seemed like she would be your type.”

Sooyoung pouts up a bit, confused where this was coming from. Maybe it was just Jinsoul being supportive, or was using reverse psychology, at least she thinks she was. “And how would she be my type?”

“Come on Sooyoung she was adorable, she was a nervous wreck just talking to you. I feel like you would be into those shy, quiet kinda girls. Totally gave off some bookworm vibes, isn’t that your flavor?” Jinsoul explains herself, referring back to Jiwoo as well. Sooyoung had some sort of relationship with Jiwoo, and well Jiwoo was a different kind of nerd. One that actually stuffed her nose into books and not the media.

Sooyoung’s expression is blank, impossible to read even for someone as smart as Jinsoul. The blonde waits for an answer and it feels like torture for how long it takes Sooyoung to even react to her words. 

But when she does, Jinsoul’s not sure how she keeps herself up right with the way her knees buckle, “my type is the opposite of that.” Sooyoung’s staring at her so fiercely, Jinsoul forgets how to breathe, or speak in that manner.

Sooyoung’s gaze is soft and fond, making it hard for Jinsoul to focus, “yeah?” Jinsoul hates how her voice cracks, “what, like you’re into goth girls or something?” 

“No Jinsoul.”

“Punks?”

“You know what kinda girl I like.” Sooyoung says seriously.

But Jinsoul isn’t so sure herself, “you like the goody two shoes. Those preppie girls with the real fancy blazers.” 

Sooyoung snorts, “I like girls with a brain for sure, you got that part right.”Jinsoul gulps audibly when Sooyoung takes a step forward, “but also the ones who don’t need to be told they’re pretty because they already know.”  _ Confident. _ Jinsoul leans back as Sooyoung towers over her, “princesses, who can save themselves instead of having someone else do it.”  _ Independent.  _

Jinsoul swoons when Sooyoung glances down at her lips, “I like a girl with an attitude. A bad one.” 

_ Me.  _

“Eat up, I wanna ride that spinny thing.” Sooyoung tells her before walking off. Jinsoul’s stuck to the ground however. Jinsoul’s staring at her food, unsure how to move on from a bold statement. She’s forced to, when Sooyoung starts to call out her name. 

Jinsoul quickly stuffs the food in her mouth before racing over to Sooyoung who was waiting for her. They walked quietly to the spinning strawberries, they didn’t look like the safest ride clearly on their last limb. Sooyoung pushes her inside one of them when she’s spent too long zoning off, the blonde couldn’t focus on anything.

The ride starts and Sooyoung glances at her warily over and over again she slowly spins the wheel around. Jinsoul wants to forget about it, but she can’t. She grabs the wheel, blurting out what was sirening off in her mind, “It’s me isn’t it, I’m your type.” The strawberry stops spinning and so does Jinsoul’s head.

Sooyoung’s features are highlighted and shadowed as they’re rotated around in the ride. Jinsoul tries to catch any kind of reaction but she can barely see Sooyoung’s eyes underneath the glare of her glasses, she can’t picture that smirk of hers. Sooyoung stays quiet, leaning back into the hunk of metal poorly painted like a fruit, “Come on do you find me attractive?” Jinsoul says desperately, trying to play it off as teasing.

“You really want me to say it out loud?”

_ Duh, don’t you see me freaking out over here? _

“Yes.” Jinsoul knows, she has for a while. Sooyoung being attracted to her doesn’t mean anything, right? The statement shouldn’t give her so much hope...but why does it? And hope for what? For them to be something more, to maybe not feel so alone with this painful crush she has on Sooyoung. That she isn’t the only one struggling with fluttering feelings.

Sooyoung grabs the wheel, “isn’t it obvious Jinsoul? I think anyone would be drooling over you if you gave them the time.” Jinsoul doesn’t like that answer, it isn’t obvious to her. Sooyoung’s so transparent sometimes she just wants to scream. “I consider myself lucky, getting to be around you this much.”

That’s better, Jinsoul guesses. She grabs the opposite end of the wheel and stops the ride once again, starting to spin it the other way, hoping to throw Sooyoung off balance, “so does that mean you would date me?”

Sooyoung replies a little too quickly and Jinsoul doesn’t know if it’s a bad or good thing, “Please, finding you attractive and wanting to date are two different things.” Jinsoul frowns at that, because she understands entirely, she thinks Sooyoung is very fine...but that doesn’t mean she’d ever want to be on that level with her. “You’re very annoying blondie, I'd rather poke my eyes out with a stick.”

Jinsoul’s heart cracks a little bit, “Harsh. You don’t have to be a dick about it.” She grumbles out while turning the wheel a lot faster. She shouldn’t be hurt by that statement because she wouldn’t date Sooyoung in any circumstance. But in reality, it wouldn’t take much for her to consider dating Sooyoung, she would never admit that however.

Sooyoung grips the wheel, bringing it to an abrupt stop, “Why do you care? It’s not like you would either.” Jinsoul stares into Sooyoung’s eyes that are finally visible, she can’t read the look the older girl’s giving her. “You like guys Jinsoul, last time I checked, I’m the total opposite of what you want.”

_ No you’re exactly what I want. _

_ Maybe even more. _

The longer Jinsoul takes to reply the more questioning Sooyoung’s gaze becomes, at the final seconds of the ride, the gaze becomes hopeful and Jinsoul knows she’s making a mistake. “I get it Sooyoung.” She shouldn’t play around with Sooyoung like that, leading her on to think that maybe something between them is possible.

Jinsoul knows there is a chance though. A big one, especially the way her heart is racing and not because of the adrenaline from the ride. But by the way Sooyoung’s staring at her. 

She isn’t sure if she should let Sooyoung know.

Just how much of a chance there is.

~~~~

“Pleaseeee Sooyoung, just one more!” Jinsoul whines and cries, clinging onto Sooyoung while she eats sour patch kids. Sooyoung blushes and turns away when Jinsoul flutters her eyelashes and claps her hands together, “pleasseeeee for me, ride one more with me!” The blonde then pounces on Sooyoung, hugging her while still begging her with a sweet voice. The hug is one sided, since Sooyoung is too busy eating while Jinsoul leans all her weight onto her. 

Everytime Sooyoung tries to push her away, Jinsoul just latches back onto her. “I’ll just watch okay?” Sooyoung tells her in a shaky tone, not being able to cope with the full effect of Jinsoul’s pouting. The blonde had a very mysterious way of making her heart melt. Sooyoung just couldn’t handle the way Jinsoul’s brows up turned along with her eyes glossing over.

And those lips…

Sooyoung wasn’t sure if she could stop herself from leaning in if Jinsoul kept it up. It was seriously dangerous, and downright irresistible. Jinsoul was a force to be reckoned with and Sooyoung, despite experience and expertise, couldn’t come close to figuring out how she was gonna survive how impossibly adorable Jinsoul is at even given moment.

Even when she’s got murder on the mind and Sooyoung’s the first target, Jinsoul still would win a noble prize for having the cutest expressions. “But you sat out on the last one...I don’t wanna be all alone.” 

Sooyoung feels herself getting sick thinking about the ride, she had one too many corn dogs and sugar. She’d rather disappoint the blonde than chucking up the whole evening on her. “I’ll be right here. Here I promise to go on the Ferris wheel with you if you don’t make me ride this.”

Jinsoul thinks for a moment and then a smile reaches ear to ear on the blonde’s face, “okay!” Sooyoung sighs with relief as Jinsoul skips up to the ride, now she had another problem. She was deathly afraid of heights...at least she won’t throw up.

Sooyoung chews on her candies, she manages to get a whole pocket full without paying. Jinsoul is quite the distraction, while Sooyoung stealthily grabbed things without the clerks knowing. She and the blonde made a pretty good team.

And deep down, Sooyoung allowed herself to cherish how good they looked together as a couple. Not only that...but it felt incredibly right, like there was no other person she should be with tonight besides Jinsoul

Jinsoul contrasted her chill manners, and while Sooyoung prided herself on being one the calmest people alive, certainly she needed a little fire in her life. And Jinsoul was quite the spark. The blonde managed to light a flame to her heart, and maybe Sooyoung managed to relax Jinsoul in return. Used to, Jinsoul seemed so tense but now the blonde smiled often and brightly at that.

Sooyoung can’t help but smile as the blonde screams on the ride, she keeps pulling funny faces at her when she passes by. Sooyoung waves every time, even starting to scream with her. Jinsoul may be the biggest diva Sooyoung knows, a killer personality, but she’s never met someone as goofy and kind as Jinsoul either.

Jinsoul’s crazy, but Sooyoung is crazy about her.

Leaning up onto the railing Sooyoung rolls her eyes at the gawky pop music on repeat, Jinsoul loves that stuff. She chews her last sour patch kid and heads over to the garbage.

“That blonde chick is totally bangin’, when she gets off I’m gonna ask her to go to the ferris wheel with me.” Sooyoung’s eyes narrow at the conversation she overhears, turning her head slightly and she notices a group of three guys. They looked on the privileged side, all wearing sport coats varying in color. The one talking had feathered hair, it bounced as he laughed with his friends. 

Sooyoung stares holes through the back of the guy's head as she makes her way over. Crossing her arms, she waits for Jinsoul. The blonde is radiating with happiness when they lock eyes, but Sooyoung is keeping a tab on the guy starting to call out to Jinsoul.

“Hey you!” Jinsoul is smiling but when she turns to look at who’s yelling at her it slowly fades. Sooyoung hums with satisfaction, she shouldn’t be this possessive over someone who’s just her friend, but she didn’t feel like sharing Jinsoul’s attention with anyone tonight. “I was hoping we could- AH!”

Sooyoung trips him, no one even notices how sneaky she did it. His friends were laughing but they cut short once they realized their friend ate dirt. Jinsoul gasps and Sooyoung almost regrets her actions when the blonde glances down with concern. 

Wait, did she actually care about this guy falling down?

Sooyoung resists the urge to start biting her nails out of nerves, the whole scenario playing out of her head. Jinsoul helps the guy up, seeing that he’s cute, after cleaning all the muck off him first, riding the ferris wheel, exchanging numbers...dates...kissing...falling in love. 

And where was she in the whole mix? 

Stuck on the sidelines, crying about how Jinsoul’s forgotten all about her. No more arcade, no more games, no more teasing or flirting. No more cheek kisses or warm hugs. Sooyoung regrets tripping this guy...now he was going to steal her girl from her.

_ Wait, my girl? _

“Watch where you’re falling dipshit! You almost got freaking mud on my pumps, one do you have any idea what material these are? Satin, two do you have any idea how hard it is to clean satin?” Jinsoul is in full rage mode and Sooyoung couldn’t be more in love.

_ Wait, in love? What is going on with me!? _

The guy raises his head to mumble out an apology but Jinsoul cuts him off, “oh blah blah shut up! Ugh gross!” Sooyoung reaches her hand out for the blonde and Jinsoul takes it, the guy’s face is squished back into the mud when the blonde steps onto his head and over his body. Sooyoung snorts at the side and escorts Jinsoul away from the area.

“Ma’dam.” Sooyoung says with a smile but it’s wiped off when Jinsoul shoots her a glare.

“Don’t you start, freak.” Sulking, Sooyoung doesn’t peep another word as Jinsoul interlocks their elbows together. Jinsoul reminded her of a sour patch kid, sweet once she got past all the eye-watering stuff, but sometimes it would still linger to her lips, proving to be a surprise whenever she had forgotten it was a sour snack in the first place.

She’s had a lot of candy in the past, but Jinsoul was her favorite. Looking up at the ferris wheel, Sooyoung gulps in fear but she feels a slight tug on her arm. Jinsoul’s dragging her to the line and she can’t get out of it this time, she made a promise. Glancing at the blonde however, all those conflicted feelings disappear and one remains. 

It’s safe.

And Sooyoung knows it’s all she needs.

~~~~

_ She’s so cool.  _ Jinsoul eyes flutter as she gawks at Sooyoung. The taller girl had a sucker in her mouth, it hung from her lips and Jinsoul couldn’t help but almost drool everytime Sooyoung rolled it around her tongue. She internally screams when Sooyoung pushes her hair back with a single hand, since her other was preoccupied holding Jinsoul’s stuff. 

Sooyoung must have heard her tiny noises she was making because the older girl glances at her from the side. Jinsoul goes light-headed, and holds on tighter to the girl’s arm for support so she doesn't pass out.

Jinsoul sighs out dreamily, Sooyoung acted like she was too cool for anything, especially this silly ride they were about to go one. Used too, Sooyoung’s withdrawn attitude annoyed her, but now she just found it hot.

Secretly she always has, but now that it wasn’t reflected onto her, Jinsoul could appreciate it for what it is. “You girls need help getting up?”

Jinsoul’s brought out of her daze, “nah I got it.” The ride operator smiles, a different one than earlier, he seemed pretty friendly even though he smelled like straight cigarettes. Jinsoul’s then lifted up onto the metal stage turning her insides into goo. Even though Sooyoung was nothing but a noodle with a little bit of curve she sure was strong.

Pulling Sooyoung up herself, she lets the older girl go first. Jinsoul snorts when Sooyoung shakily approaches the seats...but her gaze falls down. Sooyoung’s butt looked really cute in those pants, maybe if she just-

“HEY!” Jinsoul jumps when Sooyoung squeaks out, the girl turns around, flushed face and wide angry eyes. The blonde holds her hands up in defense, she couldn’t help herself, but Jinsoul knows she should probably work on self control when it comes to groping other girls. They were just so cute though, especially Sooyoung. She was the cutest ever. 

Giggling mischievously she fakes an apology, she was sorry for nothing in reality, “my bad, those pants really compliment the shape of your-”

“Don’t, just…just get in Jung.” Jinsoul softly groans at the rasp of Sooyoung’s voice that was usually smooth. Knowing that she had an effect on the older girl made her fingers twitch to touch some more.

Squeezing beside of Sooyoung she presses right up against the older girl’s side. It was warm and comfortable, until Sooyoung pushed her away and into the corner of the seat. Jinsoul pouts up seriously this time with no ulterior motive but Sooyoung just crosses her arms and shoots her a warning glare.

Jinsoul pokes at the older girl's side, irritating her some more. She thinks Sooyoung’s about to throw her off the ride, but when it jerks into movement Jinsoul is pleasantly surprised when the older girl clings to her. Long gone is the cold expression that Sooyoung was holding and now the girl looked close to fainting.

Sooyoung’s shaking and Jinsoul can’t help but snort, “what is wrong with you?”

Jinsoul stares closely at Sooyoung who’s lip was almost quivering, she notices a tiny mole right on her cheek. It makes the older girl even cuter, if that was possible, Jinsoul wonders if Sooyoung has anymore. “N-nothing.” Sooyoung whispers out but then squeaks when the ride shifts and creaks.

It sure was old and a bit sketchy. However, Jinsoul was never more grateful for an inanimate object in her life, except for Q*bert of course, but then again the game brought her closer to Sooyoung, just like this ride. Jinsoul could stare all she wanted. So close she could count some of Sooyoung’s long eyelashes and see yesterday's eyeliner that she didn’t entirely get off. 

“You’re shaking.” 

Sooyoung curls into her further the higher they go up, Jinsoul just now realizes how small this girl was. She watches as Sooyoung takes her glasses off before sticking them into her shirt pocket. The older girl gives her a wary look, but Jinsoul can’t think of anything other than how Sooyoung should be on the cover of a magazine. 

She doesn’t know why all those girl’s fawn over mediocre boys when a girl like this exists. Sooyoung was a bit baby faced, but at the same time had an elegance to her that had Jinsoul breathless by just gazing at her. “I-I’m scared of heights.” Jinsoul blinks out of her daze and doesn’t stop herself from bursting out laughing. 

Sooyoung squeezes her arm but Jinsoul keeps laughing, “god you’re such a dork why didn’t you tell me?” She wheezes out between giggles. Sooyoung narrows her eyes and whines when she can’t fully get mad at Jinsoul since the ride begins to shake again.

Once it smooths out though she grumbles, “because all you’ve talked about was riding this and I wanted you to have fun...I wasn’t gonna let you miss you out because I-AAAH FUCK!” Sooyoung screams when Jinsoul deliberately moves the seat. 

Jinsoul has to hold her stomach from laughing so hard but once she hears a little sniffle she forces herself to stop. Turning to Sooyoung her heart breaks a tiny bit, still, it’s the funniest thing she’s ever seen. Leaning forward she presses her forehead against Sooyoung’s temple, “you’re really cute you know that right?” 

Sooyoung’s skin is warm against her own and Jinsoul doesn’t know how she’s going to sleep tonight knowing there’s something more comforting than her blankets. Jinsoul sucks in a quiet breath when Sooyoung turns to her, they’re inches apart. If she leans forward her nose would touch Sooyoung’s, if she tilts her head, she’d be able to wipe that frown off Sooyoung’s lips.

_ Uh no no no… _

_ That’s not what I’m thinking of. _

Despite how much Jinsoul likes being that close to Sooyoung and being able to see the light in her eyes, she pulls away as quickly as she can. Shifting their bodies a bit, she intertwines her fingers with Sooyoung’s. Jinsoul squeezes and feels the cool gold of Sooyoung’s rings against her skin, “just look at me and it won’t be scary.”

Jinsoul doesn’t actually think Sooyoung will listen, but she does. Now she’s the one being observed with detail. Sooyoung’s eyes roam all over her features, it isn’t predatory like it has been before, but now full of admiration.

“And I’m the cute one.” Jinsoul whips her head around, meeting Sooyoung’s gaze. Her black eyes are blown and Jinsoul wonders if hers are doing the same. She’s read in all those magazines when she was a teenager...that if she looked at the person she loved her eyes would get all big and shiny.

Sooyoung’s were like tiny dark moons. 

Shining just as bright as the festival. 

The ride stops and Jinsoul realizes they’re in the perfect spot. The main top, where she wanted to go the whole night. Tearing her eyes away from Sooyoung's, she's faced with what she’s dreamed about all night. 

Jinsoul can see the entire festival from here. All the flashing lights become little stars and the noise fades into the background. It’s way cooler up here and Jinsoul shivers at the goosebumps rising on her skin. She snuggles into the girl beside her hoping she can find that same warmth from earlier. 

It’s breathtaking, Jinsoul wishes she could keep this image in her head forever, she hopes this memory will never lose its vibrancy in her lifetime. She closes her eyes as another breeze comes through and can’t help but pull her lips into a smile from where she was biting them. Opening them back up she glances down at all the tiny little people probably watching them, but Jinsoul feels like it’s only her and Sooyoung.

“Oh Sooyoung it’s amazing isn’t it.” Jinsoul sighs out and keeps losing herself into the night. She watches all the other rides that look so small now, their colors blurring into the haze of the fog that was beginning to settle. All the tents look like pinwheels and candy, the distance noise isn’t as annoying anymore.

Sooyoung’s quiet, so Jinsoul turns to her. She’s looking only at her and Jinsoul wouldn’t doubt if she has been the whole time. “Stop it, look at the view!” Jinsoul laughs and gently pushes Sooyoung’s face away, tilting it to what she was wanting her to see. But the girl’s eyes spring right back to her. “Sooyoung!” Jinsoul’s laugh gets lighter as she cups Sooyoung’s face to turn it away from her, holding it in place.

But Sooyoung grabs her wrists and turns back to her, a cheeky grin starting to grow. “I am looking at the view...it’s gorgeous.” Jinsoul groans and tilts her head up to the sky, there’s a trillion stars above and Sooyoung can see them as well through the reflection in her eyes.

Jinsoul closes them though and takes a deep breath, “can you not! You are so....” Her voice sounds so weird, pitched and shaky. She doesn’t know what Sooyoung’s doing to her, it’s like some kinda spell. One that Jinsoul can’t break free from. But really she doesn’t want to, she wants to stay this clueless forever if it feels this good.

When she glances back down, the grin is gone and Sooyoung is more serious than ever, “Jinsoul, you’re so beautiful.” This must be some sick dream, Jinsoul thinks. But there’s nothing fake about the way Sooyoung’s staring at her right now. The longing in her eyes is the realest thing Jinsoul’s ever experienced.

Sooyoung’s gaze flickers down to her lips and Jinsoul makes the mistake by biting them. Because the girl in front of her squeezes her wrists, like she was trying to control herself. Jinsoul’s never wanted someone to lose control so badly.

Even when she doesn’t know what will happen if Sooyoung does.

But she knows what she wants to happen, “If you were a guy I would totally kiss you right now.” Jinsoul’s haze is broken when realizes what she just said,  _ stupid stupid stupid what the fuck is wrong with you?!  _

Sooyoung’s gasp is just an indicator for how stupid the slip was, “What?”

Jinsoul draws back into the corner of the seat and the ride shakes into moving again, “Nothing forget I said that.” Jinsoul crosses her arms and doesn’t dare to look back at Sooyoung. Her face was bright red and her heart was in her throat.

“No what do you mean?” Sooyoung asks with a louder voice this time, Jinsoul rolls her eyes. God why couldn’t she just forget about it? It wasn’t like it meant anything. She was just joking around but Sooyoung had to take it seriously of course. Jinsoul wishes she could get annoyed, but all she felt was guilt.

Because deep down, she knows if Sooyoung didn’t feel anything for her she’d be able to drop it. Just pass it up as one of those things that straight girls say. Jinsoul knows better though, Sooyoung can’t ignore what she just said because it’s what she wants.

Jinsoul feels really bad, because she can’t give that to Sooyoung.

“Jinsoul.”

“Jesus Sooyoung I said it meant nothing.” Jinsoul glares at the girl while shaking her head. She didn’t mean to snap at Sooyoung like that but what else could she do to get the girl to drop it. Jinsoul reassures it’s for Sooyoung’s own good, it doesn’t seem like the girl would act this desperate over something like this.

Sooyoung seems like she would have more control over her feelings, but Jinsoul just doesn’t know how strong they are.

Something falls over Sooyoung’s features, it’s pain and a bit of regret. Jinsoul’s heart is in her throat, why the fuck did she say that? Now she has Sooyoung hoping for something that won’t ever ever,  _ ever  _ happen.

The ride stops with an awkward silence and Jinsoul struggles to get off. When Sooyoung tries to help she shoves her hands away. The ride operator tries as well but Jinsoul seethes, “ugh get the fuck off me!” Jinsoul steps down, wobbling and pushing through the line. She has to be alone right now or she’s going to explode.

She doesn’t know who she’s more mad at, Sooyoung or herself. Probably herself, because why would she let herself fall this deep. From the beginning she promised herself she wouldn’t get tangled into Sooyoung’s web of games. Now here she was dead front and center. Thinking that Sooyoung is the most amazing girl in the world.

And she is…

_ Get a hold of yourself Jinsoul! _

Jinsoul clenches her fist and stomps through the festival, Sooyoung’s manipulative and her charm is poison, not genuine and sweet. Right? She can make herself believe that...so why doesn’t she. Jinsoul knows that’s a lie. Sooyoung’s the most thoughtful person she’s met and she’s only upset because Jinsoul’s being so stubborn.

No that’s not it, she’s probably mad that Jinsoul basically rejected her. Maybe...or maybe it’s because Sooyoung’s tired of Jinsoul teasing her.  _ Ugh I don’t freaking know! STOP TALKING BRAIN!  _

Think of Jiwoo’s story, how Sooyoung broke her heart. Jinsoul tells herself.  _ You’re doing the right thing for not feeding into her. Not letting her play you like a fool.  _ Jinsoul should be proud of herself, so why did it feel so wrong. Jinsoul knew that Sooyoung didn’t really have those intentions in the beginning but she doesn’t blame the older girl for developing feelings for her, the blonde knows how irresistibly hot she is. Sooyoung’s just another one that got caught up in her magical ability to make people fall for her.

In a sense, she was playing Sooyoung.

Jinsoul apparently wasn’t quick enough, because someone catches her by the elbow. Turning around she’s met with Sooyoung, scared and vulnerable. She doesn't think she’s seen Sooyoung without a mask on before. Not even when she saw her scar, there was still some sort of defense there.

“Why are you being like this? I’m just asking a question.”

Shaking the hand off Jinsoul huffs, “And I answered it!”

Sooyoung’s face scrunches up with impatience, “You call that an answer?” 

Jinsoul can’t give Sooyoung more of an explanation, she’ll have to deal. Just like she is right now. Sooyoung has to get over it, “Leave me alone Sooyoung I already told you!” 

“No you didn’t!”

“Yes I did!”

Sooyoung breaks in front of her and Jinsoul’s never regretted arguing with her until now. From what people have told her, Sooyoung’s always been a cool person, not in the asshole kinda way, but just calm and easy to be around. But the girl in front of her right now was everything but that. “You are so goddamn confusing. From the start you have spun my head around and around and I...I-I don’t fucking get you!” 

Jinsoul swallows, this must be the part where Sooyoung calls her a bitch and leaves her in the dust like everyone else does. When she can’t give them what they want anymore, when they get tired of trying with her. It’s always the same, she always ruins it. She knows she’s always been the problem, a bit too much to deal with, but Sooyoung was nice enough to stick around. 

Too bad she thought Sooyoung would be different, would be the one that could handle her. Even when she created a mass of pressure that wouldn’t go anywhere but between them, pushing them apart. 

Sooyoung has both her hands through her hair, on the verge of pulling it. She looks fed up and Jinsoul doesn’t blame her. “One second you’re saying you want to kiss me and the next you act like you wish I didn’t exist.” Jinsoul turns the other cheek ashamed. Maybe it would be better if Sooyoung just forgot about her this time. Maybe it was becoming too much.

“I didn’t say that, I said If you were a guy I would kiss you.” Jinsoul mumbles out without thinking and she hears the gasp that Sooyoung lets out. Chewing on her lip she dares to look up, Sooyoung’s glaring at her mouth wide open. Jinsoul has to steel herself when the older girl towers over her.

She swallows hard enough to make a sound when Sooyoung looks down at her with a stare as cold as ice, enough to freeze her heart and shatter it in the process.

Her voice is just as frigid, “What fucking difference does it make Jinsoul.” When she averts her gaze Sooyoung follows, leaning down to keep their eyes locked together. There’s pleading and hurt mixed in with the endless pool of black. Still, Sooyoung’s eyes are still soft as ever. “What difference does it make if I’m a guy or not?” 

Jinsoul thought Sooyoung would be a lot smoother with girls she liked. But she was almost begging Jinsoul to say something, to confirm what was between each other was more than just a friendship created from a misunderstanding. That it’s always been there, but the both of them were just too stubborn to admit it.

That this power play between them was more than just a rivalry, more than just an attraction.

But a need neither of them knew they had.

“You’re just confused about what I said.” Jinsoul tells her without the confidence, she doesn’t plan on convincing Sooyoung. Just needs her to know that there won’t be a confession any time soon.

Sooyoung looks away, jaw clenched. The older girl wipes her nose and pulls out another sucker from her pocket before shoving it in her mouth. Jinsoul watches her roll the candy around in her mouth, how she lets it dangle from her lips before sucking it back in. Sooyoung’s got a bad habit of keeping a sweet tooth, she wonders if she has a bad habit of chasing women she can’t have.

~

Jinsoul was right, Sooyoung usually was...a lot more smoother with women, never has she gotten this worked up over one. She always took getting turned down well, never had a problem with it. Sometimes, she’d make a friend or just move on with a smile. But with Jinsoul it was different, Sooyoung was driven insane with how much she wanted her.

She doesn’t know why, but Jinsoul’s beginning to be a necessity.

No one’s ever made her feel like this and Sooyoung’s starting to lose control of the game she’s created, the one she made to prevent herself from always falling for a girl and getting her heartbroke. 

All because Jinsoul makes her wanna play a new one. A game where they’re both winners, but Jinsoul isn’t quite ready to play co-op. 

This girl was bad for her, but she wanted more. She wanted so much more of this. Sooyoung’s never found someone that gets her like Jinsoul does, never met someone who puts life in her hollowed out chest. It feels so right. Sooyoung feels like herself for the first time in years, the passion that she lost a long time ago is sparked back to life by this...girl who she can’t stop thinking about. Only she can’t tell Jinsoul that, because that’ll only scare her.

~

Jinsoul watches as Sooyoung runs another hand through her hair, the other being stuffed into her pocket, “No clearly you’re the one that’s confused because day one I’ve been confident about the way I feel for you, however I don’t think you really know what you want.” Sooyoung glances at her and Jinsoul feels the soul leave her body.

The blonde screams out, borderline whining, “What does that even mean Sooyoung!” Jinsoul knows exactly what it means and she should have known Sooyoung would have figured her out. Jinsoul tenses up as she shoots daggers at Sooyoung but the older girl is starting to slip on that mask again. 

“It means you've been giving me mixed signals this entire time. That you’re obsessed with me but then you try twist it around to make it seem like I’m the one with a stupid fucking crush!” Jinsoul can’t help but let out a god awful noise at that. Maybe she was right about Sooyoung from the beginning.

She was an egotistical jerk who didn’t care about her feelings whatsoever. 

Jinsoul muffles a scream and doesn’t pay any mind to the people passing by, unclenching her fist she presses her palms against Sooyoung’s chest before shoving, “God you are such a fucking asshole why would I ever like you!?” Sooyoung’s stupid and arrogant and full of herself. She thinks that everyone is in love with her, Jinsoul was not one of them. “I don’t know Sooyoung. I don’t know why I said that. So stop asking me. Stop making it weird! Stop fucking assuming things!” 

Sooyoung rolls her eyes, “Fine you know what you’re right I won’t make this weird, sorry for saying the truth.” 

Jinsoul blows steam as Sooyoung knocks shoulders with her, “fuck off.” The blonde was shaking with how angry she was, god she could rip Sooyoung’s head off. How dare she talk to her like that? 

“Obviously doing that dumbass!” She hears Sooyoung’s annoying voice behind her.

Jinsoul whips around, starting to trail after Sooyoung. The older girl was so hard to keep up with but eventually noticed that Jinsoul was still chasing after her, “Why are you following me!?” Sooyoung questions her with a warning tone but Jinsoul doesn’t pay any mind. 

“You’re not going to apologize?” Sooyoung rolls her eyes and starts to walk faster, some guy approaches Jinsoul but the blonde shoves him the opposite way. Sooyoung snorts as the guy trips and falls on his ass, but Jinsoul’s all eyes for the ass in front of her.

Once Sooyoung figures out Jinsoul’s not gonna stop following her, she turns around, “You can’t be serious right now.” 

The blonde stops one foot away from Sooyoung, it feels like an electrical current is pulsing through her body and Sooyoung’s the outlet, “I am!” 

“Maybe I will apologize once you stop being such a bitch.” Jinsoul doesn’t expect it to hurt that much...but it does. Used to it didn’t, when Sooyoung would yell at her and say harsh things. But it feels like her heart is shattering into a thousand pieces. 

The fuse that was burning sizzles out and now Jinsoul doesn’t feel like exploding on Sooyoung anymore. She just wants a hug...but the person she wants it from is being mean to her. She tries to continue her death glare but it’s no use. Jinsoul’s so sad. The once clashing energies between them dull out and all that settles in an uncomfortable feeling. It’s not entirely awkward but it’s tense.

Sooyoung’s expression starts to fall as well, coming to terms with what was just said. Jinsoul sighs sadly and looks at the ground. “I can’t believe you just said that.” She mumbles out, embarrassed by how broken her voice sounds.

“Better start being a believer then.” Sooyoung says right back, not wanting to let go of the argument just yet. She’s still bitter from what Jinsoul said earlier. Wants the blonde to feel this torture just as much as she does.

“Ugh I can’t fucking stand you sometimes.” Jinsoul heats back up just a little and goes to push Sooyoung again since she hates the way she’s looking at her. Jinsoul doesn’t want Sooyoung to care anymore, but all that she can see in her eyes is concern. Even though her words contrast that. Sooyoung cares about her so much and it’s obvious. That’s why they’re fighting in the first place.

Sooyoung grabs the blonde’s wrists on the way, holding them tightly in her hands. Not tight enough to hurt her but where she can’t get away if she wanted. Jinsoul’s tugged closer to Sooyoung and she gets an uneasy feeling in her stomach, she hates fighting with her. Hates when it’s real, and she’s the one to blame.  _ Her stupid fucking feelings, so much for following her heart.  _ “Ohhh you can’t stand me but you’re still following me around like a lost puppy.”

Jinsoul whimpers and pouts up for real this time. Her lip quivers and her eyes water. Sooyoung rolls her eyes when she sniffles multiple times, “Don’t start that shit it’s not gonna work.” Jinsoul looks up at her with tears in her eyes, making tiny noises she watches as Sooyoung breaks in a different way. If Jinsoul’s sure of anything. Sooyoung hates when she cries. As tears pour out of her eyes Sooyoung groans and goes to wipe them, “stop it you’re gonna mess up your makeup.”

Jinsoul doesn’t care about her makeup, “You’re a big fat meanie Sooyoung.” She weakly bounces her fists off Soooyoung’s chest, letting her know just how hurt she was. The older girl’s features soften at the tone of her voice. Sooyoung’s eyes gloss up too but she looks away before Jinsoul can fully notice.

“You know I didn’t mean it like that.” 

“Do I really know though?” Jinsoul asks, Sooyoung was serious, she always is. Sooyoung shakes her head and lets go of her wrists, Jinsoul cries a bit harder. This isn’t what she wanted. Not for Sooyoung to let her go. 

“Whatever I’m not doing this.”

Sooyoung turns away from her and Jinsoul can only watch. The older girl slips into a tent, one that Jinsoul’s avoided all night for a reason. But now she’s stuck with a choice.

It’s a mirror maze, and Jinsoul doesn’t know what she’s more afraid of. Sooyoung or her reflection. Stomping on the ground she allows herself to have a short-lived temper tantrum. Sooyoung’s the worst, but Jinsoul still wants to be around her.

After sucking up her tears and threatening anyone who stared at her, Jinsoul prepares to follow Sooyoung inside. She could just wait until she came out...but there was an exit. Maybe Sooyoung is really bad at mazes, no she’s a genius. Jinsoul doesn’t want to go in, however if she wants to see Sooyoung again she’ll have to.

Slowly approaching the tent she takes a deep breath and ignores the creepy man standing at the entrance. He pulls back a curtain for Jinsoul and the blonde steps inside. It’s just like all those horror movies she watches. Like Killer klowns from outer space or the fun house. 

Jinsoul begins to shake as she makes her way through the mirror, keeping her hand on the right side as she checks every corner for a face different from hers. Jinsoul doesn’t keep her eyes up however, not liking how watery her makeups become. Taking a second to relax, she fixes it in one of the many mirrors. Mad that Sooyoung made her cry...mad that she let Sooyoung make her cry.

She was better than this, shouldn’t be crying over a girl who was being mean to her. Jinsoul rolls her eyes and continues through, the deeper she gets though the quieter it gets. It’s extremely creepy, with how the lights start to dim and flicker. When she turns a corner Jinsoul goes stiff when she hears footsteps. The air is too cold for comfort, “Sooyoung?! Come on this shit freaks me out!”

There’s no answer but the footsteps continue. Jinsoul starts to panic, apologizing for everything she’s ever done to anyone in her head. Like when she stole Chaewon’s pudding all those times, and when she accidentally burnt a part of her elementary school down but blamed it on her friend Yujin. “Stop playing around!” Or all these times she’s lied to Sooyoung, pretending that she was straight when she was in fact, the polar opposite. 

Jinsoul was gay, she has always known she was. Sure guys did the trick, but she still would think about girls all the time, thoughts mostly innocent but not always. She fantasizes about them in class and dreams about them when she sleeps. 

Sooyoung’s just one of those girls that Jinsoul thought she could push to the hidden part of her mind, get over in a matter of time, cover it up by being a serial dater. Jinsoul doesn’t care that she’s gay it’s just...complicated. Complicated in a way where on top of growing up poor, being a little different than everyone else is sure to get her some trouble. Jinsoul wouldn’t admit she had a hard time in the past, but it certainly wasn’t easy.

It’s got her tougher skin and somehow, she’s grateful for that. 

Sooyoung’s making it hard for her to keep pretending however, because that girl wants her just as bad and Jinsoul can’t resist that temptation. 

“I’m sorry for everything, can we just forget it!” Jinsoul yells one more time. She wishes she could just forget that she’s attracted to Sooyoung. Wishes she could forget that Sooyoung’s attracted to her. So it could be normal, but when has normal ever felt right to Jinsoul?

It’s Sooyoung who feels right. 

Jinsoul stops and looks at herself in the mirror,  _ why can’t you let it go like every other time you’ve had to. Why her, of all people, that you’ve gotten attached to.  _ “Gah what the fuck am I doing?!” Jinsoul moves forward but bumps her head on the mirror. Wanting to punch it she stops herself, she’s already got shit luck. 

Feeling around, she realizes it’s a dead end. 

She’s at a standstill with herself. Does she turn around and go back to being the girl she’s always been? Or does she stay, and peel off the layer of lies. “I was asking myself the same thing.” Jinsoul flushes pale, that wasn’t her voice, but the one she was searching for.

Looking up, her face is no longer the only one reflecting in the mirror. Sooyoung is right behind her and her head is tilted down, it’s almost predatory the way the girl’s staring at her. But Jinsoul wouldn’t mind being eaten alive. The cold air around is replaced with warmth and Jinsoul turns around in the trap of Sooyoung’s arms.

She can’t breathe with the taller girl pressed against her, Jinsoul shifts her gaze to the side where Sooyoung’s hands are flat against the glass. The blonde couldn’t get away if she tried, not like she wants to ever escape the hold Sooyoung’s got on her. One hand raises from the glass and gently grasps her chin, pulling her eyes back to Sooyoung’s. 

Sooyoung’s sucker from earlier hangs from her mouth. Jinsoul’s vision blurs as her eyes go hazy from staring at Sooyoung’s lips, the natural dark tint to them, the shine from the candy. Jinsoul licks her own involuntarily. Hoping she’d find the flavor there that she knows that’s on Sooyoung’s, “what am I doing Jinsoul? I can’t think straight when I’m around you.” 

_ Funny you say that. _

Jinsoul tears her gaze away from plump lips to hooded eyes boring into her own now.

_ Because I can’t either. _

She shrugs for an answer and Sooyoung lets out a shaky breath, “you drive me crazy but I don’t want it to stop.” Jinsoul lets her tongue roll over her teeth, her heart wasn’t even beating anymore. Nothing seemed real at the moment, but Jinsoul could feel everything. The tension, the heat, everything. 

“Are you just gonna stare at me or are you going to apologize?” Jinsoul watches as Sooyoung eyes flicker between her own. 

The fingers, now lowering to her jaw, twitch. The touch feels like molten lava, and at the same time, softer than silk. “Make me.” The grip becomes tighter and Jinsoul can’t believe how much she likes it. She reaches up with one of the hands that were pressed against Sooyoung’s tummy to grab the stick to the sucker.

Pulling it from the girl’s lips she sticks out her tongue and places the candy in her own mouth with a satisfied noise. She can feel Sooyoung tremble against her. The older girl watches with impossibly dark eyes as the blonde rolls the candy around her lips. 

Sooyoung groans, “don’t tease me Jung Jinsoul.” Her voice is so raspy Jinsoul can only smile. She doesn’t want to play around anymore. She wants the real thing. 

“Or what Ha Sooyoung.” 

Sooyoung clenches her hand around the top of her throat and bottom of her jaw in a vice like grip. Jinsoul tilts her chin up and pulls the sucker out of her mouth with a pop. Sooyoung’s staring at her lips with deadly intent. Her eyes barely open and full of desire. Jinsoul smirks, knowing she’s winning whatever game they’re playing.

She’ll always be the winner.

Sooyoung doesn’t even try to hide it, “if you close your eyes you can pretend I’m a guy.” The suggestion is full of fear, so Jinsoul pulls Sooyoung closer by the waistband of her pants. 

Tilting her head to the side she starts to lean in, “I don’t wanna pretend anymore Sooyoung.” She hears a tiny gasp and she knows she’s hit the right spot in Sooyoung’s heart.

_ My god _

She’s not sure who dives in first, all she knows is that if heaven was place on earth, it wouldn’t be a place at all. It would be a girl...it would be Ha Sooyoung.

It’s like an alarm rings off in her mind.

_ Yeah this is it...this is the one. _

The sucker falls from her fingertips and cracks on the floor. Her now free hand shoots up to tangle in Sooyoung’s hair to tug her closer, making their lips press together even tighter. They’re soft and plump. Sooyoung's hair feels like silk through her fingers and her lips are like candy. It’s so perfect. Everything about this girl is so perfect.

Her heart is pounded out of her chest and her legs are shaking. Sooyoung kissing her, Ha Sooyoung was kissing her and Jinsoul was on cloud fucking nine. Jinsoul insides melt to goo and if this keeps up they'll have to scrape her off the floor.

Jinsoul whines loudly when Sooyoung finally moves her lips against her own, beginning to deepen it and god it feels so good she might pass out. She just wants to fall into Sooyoung and never come back to real life, she’d live in this dream of a kiss forever if the universe allowed it. She's about to part her own lips...to see if-

Sooyoung pulls away just as fast as she leaned in. Jinsoul flutters her eyelashes back up to stare at the taller girl gasping for air like she was drowning.

Her cheeks are a deep red and her lips are smudged with Jinsoul’s lipgloss. She’d think it was cute, but all Jinsoul was thinking about was why they weren’t still kissing. Why was Sooyoung looking at her like she was a ghost? 

She’s afraid. 

Jinsoul doesn’t have her head on straight because damn was Sooyoung a good kisser...so she isn’t able to stop her from running out of the mirror maze.

The blonde is stuck there paralyzed by the best yet shortest kiss of her life. She waits for her brain to solidify to actually produce a coherent thought.

“Oh...FUCK ME!” Jinsoul screams at the top of her lungs and kicks the glass. Why did Sooyoung run away from her? That was like the most amazing thing that’s ever happened?! Jinsoul slowly looks around trying to figure out what to do. She sees the broken sucker on the floor and remembers the sticky sweet taste of the kiss. 

_ What a waste. _

Jinsoul licks her lips, they still tingle from the heat of Sooyoung’s. There’s no remaining flavor there and Jinsoul couldn’t be more disappointed, she wants more. She couldn’t just let Sooyoung walk away from her like that.

Making her way out of the mirror maze is way easier than before. She’s found a new fear, it was losing Sooyoung. The festival is bright when she comes back out. A lot of people are gathering in open areas and Jinsoul knows what’s about to start.

The fireworks.

While Jinsoul already experienced her fireworks for the night, she’s still feeling them deep in her chest. She has to find Sooyoung before they begin or she’ll have the whole festival to push through. 

Her feet guide her mindlessly and she doesn’t realize where she’s going until she’s back in the same little alley where she first met Sooyoung tonight. 

The taller girl is facing away from her, fidgeting around on the heels of her feet. Jinsoul takes a step forward and Sooyoung whips around faster than lightning. Jinsoul frowns when Sooyoung won’t meet her gaze, “I’m sorry, you were right it was weird by trying to make something out of what you said.” 

Jinsoul was about to reach out to her but stopped herself, maybe for once she should listen to Sooyoung. “Because I wanted it to mean something and now I’ve...I've ruined it.” Sooyoung kicks the dirt beneath them, “if you hate me I understand. I mean of course you hate me, I freaking kissed you for crying out loud because I was selfish.” Sooyoung’s clearly panicking, her words come out chopped and breathless. A 180 to the girl just moments ago. The one that Jinsoul was drooling over.

How could Jinsoul ever hate her. She couldn’t believe Sooyoung would even think that. “I really want to be your friend Jinsoul and I hope we still can be and I feel so fucking stupid for fucking it up just because I-“

The older girl chokes up, “I’m such an idiot.” 

Sooyoung cuts herself off and Jinsoul takes a step forward, just one more she can find that sweetness she was already craving again. She knows she can find it on Sooyoung’s lips. “You have no idea what you’re doing to me.” Sooyoung meets her stare.

“I’m sorry Jinsoul.” 

Jinsoul takes the final step and she cups Sooyoung’s face with her palms. The older girl sighs in relief and leans into her. The fireworks start, the festival is prided on having one of the longest shows in the year. Jinsoul doesn’t care to watch them, only the girl in front of her.

Leaning up she whispers into the lips that she’s been searching for her whole life, “you are an idiot.” Sooyoung’s eyes widen in disbelief so Jinsoul makes sure she knows, “so shut up.” Once she starts to kiss Sooyoung again.

She doesn’t stop until the last firework explodes. 

~~~~

AHHHHH FINALLY. Well I hope the first kiss is up to everyone’s expectations, sorry if it wasn’t :( and YES Yves left the pound puppy on the Ferris wheel 

Anyways I had to update early because I work all day tomorrow! Next chapter next Friday...so I hope this one was good for you guys! Even though this chapter is borderline cringy to me

Thank you guys for reading and comment lots of love muah :D 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	16. I’m onto you

“I can’t believe she went home...that bitch.” Doyeon glances down at her girlfriend who was angrily chewing on some food. Yoojung was mad that Jinsoul went home while she was fairly happy that the blonde decided to ditch them. Doyeon saw it as an opportunity for them to be together uninterrupted, Jinsoul was fun and all. But demanded all of Yoojung’s attention which left Doyeon following the two around like a babysitter.

She wanted to turn this into a date, however, Yoojung was in too bad of a mood. “I mean, we did look for her for hours.” Doyeon sighs out, yeah, hours. Jinsoul went home and it was obvious. It wasn’t like it was hard to find Jinsoul, from looks and sounds. The blonde was a sight for eyes, gorgeous and vibrant. But also had the loud attention grabbing attitude to match it. 

Doyeon wraps her arm around Yoojung’s waist, “I know, I just wish she told us instead of giving my freaking camera to a stranger. They could have stolen it Doyeon! And don’t even get me started on…” Doyeon stares at her rambling girlfriend, talking a mile a minute. She tried her best to keep up but it proved to be difficult since she was so tired. 

Yoojung lets out an exasperated sigh and slumps into her arms. Doyeon snorts while wrapping her girlfriend up in a loving embrace. Making sure no one is paying attention, she places a kiss on top of Yoojung’s head, “I’m sorry baby.” Yoojung hums for a response so Doyeon makes a suggestion, “you want me to buy you another cheesecake dipped in chocolate.” Yoojung perks up at that and Doyeon can’t help but smile at how adorable her lover is.

“You’d buy me another?”

Doyeon really can’t hold a smile back around Yoojung, “of course, I’d do anything for you, especially if it’ll make you feel better.” 

Yoojung bounces up and down and Doyeon watches with a brow raised. She’s pulled up on her feet as her girlfriend squeals, “I’m so in love with you!” Yoojung wraps her arms around her waist and rests her chin on Doyeon’s chest. Her girlfriend was wearing high waisted denim shorts with a colorful striped shirt. Doyeon’s bomber jacket had been stolen from her when Yoojung got too cold, but she didn’t mind. It made Yoojung look even tinier than she was. 

_God she’s so pretty._ Doyeon rubs on her girlfriend’s head as she stares down at her. “I’ll let you do whatever you want to me tonight.” The tone of Yoojung’s voice is completely innocent but Doyeon doesn’t question the meaning.

Without another word she pulls out her wallet and hands it to Yoojung. Stretching her arm over Yoojung’s shoulder’s Doyeon leans down to whisper in her ear, “I love you too.” Yoojung giggles while leaning into her, starting to lead them back to the place that sells chocolate dipped sweets. Doyeon smiles at her girlfriend who starts to joke around, she’s happy to see Yoojung in a better mood than before.

She’d do anything for her girl to be happy. 

Doyeon isn’t paying attention to anyone else as they wall, only Yoojung. But after a while of walking her girlfriend freezes, “you gotta be kidding!” Doyeon glances around before noticing a pair that makes her roll her eyes just like Yoojung did. 

So much for the good mood, because Yoojung’s storming up towards Jinsoul and Sooyoung who were smiling and laughing together. Jinsoul looks embarrassed when Yoojung starts to chew her ass out while Sooyoung glances away just as ashamed, “seriously Jung! You ditched us to hang out with your girlfriend?”

Jinsoul and Sooyoung glance at each other before darting their gazes away, blushes both reaching their cheeks. _Weird._ Doyeon thinks, Sooyoung usually was shy around Jinsoul, but the blonde was also being bashful? Doyeon knew something was up.

“She’s not my girlfriend!” 

Narrowing her eyes at Sooyoung, Doyeon starts to realize just how much she cares about Jinsoul, even though she’d never admit that. She doesn’t like the idea of Sooyoung becoming interested in the blonde. Her old acquaintance, which she wouldn’t lie about, was one of the best people she knew, was also known for getting around. Or for short being a terrible lover. 

Sooyoung pretended to have feelings to worm her way into girl’s hearts. And while she could give them the night of their life, it usually just stayed a single night. It left a lot of girls heart broken and even a few enraged. 

Knowing that Sooyoung would be the best they’ve ever had, would leave them bitter and ashamed of letting themselves be played. Sooyoung was a one time lover. But often became the one for many girls. 

Doyeon couldn’t imagine what it would feel like. If Yoojung would have ghosted her after their first night together as a couple. Doyeon was so in love she wouldn’t know how she would survive. And after knowing Jinsoul for a few years, she knows if anything happens between the two things will go either one way or another.

Jinsoul will either destroy Sooyoung for playing her.

Or she’ll move on as if it was just another fling. 

However, Jinsoul didn’t seem the type of girl to fall for stuff like that. Doyeon knew the girl was strong and defensive. Sooyoung wouldn’t easily trap her. Or at least Doyeon hopes so.

“Go ahead and say goodbye because you’re coming with us.” Yoojung scolds Jinsoul like a child while glaring at Sooyoung herself. Doyeon can’t help but snort as Sooyoung cowers at the tiny threat that her girlfriend is. She would admit however, Doyeon’s never seen Sooyoung this off of her game. Usually she was smooth and confident around cute girls, but she seemed to be complete mush around Jinsoul. 

Jinsoul pouts, “what? Why can’t Sooyoung come with us?” 

Yoojung shakes her head, not letting the expression on Jinsoul’s face affect her in any way. Doyeon is impressed, usually that frown was impossible to ignore from the blonde. “She’s not invited, sorry.” 

Sooyoung looks absolutely defeated and Jinsoul rubs her arm for comfort. “Well you heard the boss...I guess I’ll see you soon?” Jinsoul says with a hopeful tone to her voice. Sooyoung tilts her head with a longing look in her eyes as she nods. Doyeon watches the whole exchange, observing how much the two didn’t want to part ways. “Call me?” 

“I don’t have your number.” Sooyoung frowns and Jinsoul backs her head away confused.

“Oh really? I thought I put it in your lunch…” 

“Hurry up Jinsoul.” The two look at Yoojung who is tapping at her wrist as if there’s a watch there.

Sooyoung looks at Doyeon with a pleading expression and she just shrugs. She’s not gonna go against her own girlfriend, Sooyoung’s on her own with this one. Jinsoul whips back around quickly, placing her hands on Sooyoung’s hips. Doyeon notices how touchy the blonde’s become, “can you remember it?”

Jinsoul’s girl toy nods dumbly, “wouldn’t forget it for nothing.” As the blonde slowly recites some numbers she begins to hug Sooyoung, but Yoojung doesn’t let it last long before she’s pulling Jinsoul away. The blonde whines out the last few numbers and it looks extremely dramatic as Yoojung drags Jinsoul away from Sooyoung who has an empty glint in her eye.

Doyeon stays behind and waits till the two now bickering girls are out of earshot. Doyeon smiles at her girlfriend, arguing with Jinsoul about god knows what before turning to Sooyoung. “I know it’s your thing to feed off girls who need you.” Sooyoung’s empty glare turns into something dark as they lock eyes, but Doyeon steels herself. “But I swear if you hurt her, you’ll be the one needing help.” 

With that, Doyeon walks off. Joining the two who were walking towards their original destination. Jinsoul keeps looking back at Sooyoung as they get further and further apart. The older girl behind them stands completely still before finally turning around to disappear into the crowd. Doyeon swears she sees tears swell up in Jinsoul’s eyes.

Maybe it’s too late, maybe Sooyoung’s already got her clutch on Jinsoul’s heart. Doyeon can’t protect her like she wants to. Sooyoung’s addicted to girls like she is candy, but just like the sugary treat...the addiction melts eventually. Until Sooyoung finds a new favorite flavor. Doyeon will make sure Jinsoul doesn’t melt away like the rest of them.

Yoojung eats her cheesecake happily while blabbering as if Jinsoul isn’t sulking around. Doyeon listens to her girlfriend eagerly, laughing at all her jokes and rubbing her lower back when she smiles. However, she can’t completely ignore how Jinsoul slowly chews on her food, like she was sad. It’s cute, but Yoojung notices how pitiful it is. 

The blonde takes small bites and fights off the urge to cry. Yoojung looks up at her, worried and scared. “Doyeon, it’s weird right?”

Taking a deep breath she agrees, “yeah.” Looking back over to Jinsoul who was the epitome of a kicked puppy. Wide shiny eyes and everything, she sighs.

“Very weird.” 

~~~~

Sooyoung spots her sisters from afar. They’re all leaned up against the old brown van Sooyoung drove them here with. She counts them really quick, making sure there’s none missing. There’s the youngest, Yeojin. Her sworn enemy, Hyejoo. The twins, Yerim and Hyunjin and finally Heejin who was more of an adult than she was. Yup, they’re all there...Sooyoung hopes they haven’t been waiting long.

The twins are messing with Yeojin as Sooyoung strolls up to them. “Where the hell have you been?” Sooyoung is pulled back to her sister Hyejoo, who has a cigarette hanging out of her mouth.

Sooyoung jerks it out from between her lips, ignoring the aggressive protest she’s given, “I told you to quit that shit.” She grumbles while throwing the cigarette on the ground and putting it out with her sneaker.

Heejin is laughing for some reason, “she was with that girl remember? The one we saw at the bbq stand.” Sooyoung blushes at the mention of Jinsoul and the three who were goofing around start to make kissing noises at her. 

Sooyoung flips her sisters off while snapping at them to get in the van. They were teenagers, while Hyejoo and Heejin were only a bit younger than her. Heejin was around Jinsoul’s age but Sooyoung still saw her as the same baby sister that she always was. Hyejoo is glaring at her, “yeah, was she worth it? You know, ditching your sisters that you only see once in a blue moon for?” 

Heejin knudges Hyejoo in the side for the comment. But it doesn’t help with Sooyoung’s guilt. Hyejoo was right. Sooyoung never saw them anymore. The nineteen year old rolls her eyes and slides the van door open to chaos. She throws a few lazy punches before making her way in. Once it shuts there’s an awkward silence, until Heejin speaks through the tension, “she misses you Sooyoung. We all do, but don’t feel bad for meeting up with a girl.” 

Sooyoung bites her lip at the uneasy feeling in her stomach. She missed her sisters too. Heejin just reminds her of why she doesn’t get to see them anymore, “you didn’t get to be a teenager like we did. You’re allowed to have fun, don’t worry about us...we have all the time in the world to be together.” It’s the same thing every time. Sooyoung fucks up, Heejin allows her to excuse it for having a bad childhood.

But she didn’t. Sooyoung had a great childhood, if she just ignored her parents. The memories with her sisters were cherished in her heart. They were her everything. “Come on kid, I’ll drive you home.” Sooyoung was kicked out when she was sixteen years old. She lived from house to house until she was eighteen. Then she was able to get a scholarship, her career, her ambitions became everything.

Hyejoo took it the hardest. Sooyoung used to pride herself on being the best sister. But now she was just the worst. Heejin saw her the most, Hyejoo tried, but Sooyoung was busy...or lied that she was. That’s why her sister is so bitter after all this time, it’s why Heejin secretly is.

Sooyoung jumps into the driver seat and puts it in gear. Checking the rearview mirror, she gasses the van onto the road. It isn’t fifteen minutes later until almost all of them are asleep. She knows Yeojin and Yerim rode rides all night while Hyunjin probably played the punch machine a thousand times. Heejin probably got exhausted just watching them.

Glancing back, she sees Hyejoo looking out the window. Shifting one hand on the wheel she reaches back. She waits, but after some hesitation, Hyejoo takes her hand. “I’m sorry...I-” Sooyoung has no excuse. Hyejoo squeezes her hand, telling her she doesn’t have to explain.

“It’s okay, you can’t help that you're a horndog.”

Sooyoung grumbles as she hears that annoying and squeaking laugh behind her. Hyejoo leans forward so they can talk more quietly, in an effort to not wake the rest of the girls up. “Do you like her?” 

Taking a deep breath, Sooyoung answers honestly, “yeah a lot, more than I’ve ever liked anyone.”

“Well that’s not much actually, considering you’ve never liked anyone you’ve dated.”

“Hyejoo.”

“You know I’m right.” Sooyoung rolls her eyes before focusing back onto the road. Her sister was telling the god's honest truth. Sooyoung’s never really had feelings for anyone, that’s what makes Jinsoul so overwhelming. Because Sooyoung’s feelings for her are...hard to control. Strong and running so deep that Sooyoung was starting to get scared.

Once some feelings dig themselves so deep, they’re bound to leave a scar when they’re ripped out. Hopefully, Sooyoung can push them away before that happens. Or maybe she won’t have to.

Maybe Jinsoul won’t hurt her.

But even with that possibility. Sooyoung knows she’ll be the one to fuck up and end up hurting Jinsoul. Doyeon seems to know it too. With the fair warning she gave Sooyoung. She doesn’t want to hurt Jinsoul but she can’t give that girl what she wants and Sooyoung knows it will be painful when the blonde realizes that.

Sooyoung wants to though. She wants to give Jinsoul everything. She wants to give Jinsoul the entire world. But insecurities and past trauma have too strong of a clutch on her. Sooyoung will have to deal with her trust and commitment issues before she’ll ever fall for Jinsoul, or she’ll end up dooming whatever is blossoming between them. 

She needs time.

Sooyoung can’t let Jinsoul fall for her.

Not yet at least.

Doyeon probably thinks she’s playing Jinsoul, but she ended that game a long time ago. But if it gets to that point, Sooyoung may have to pretend she was. Just for Jinsoul to let her go. Sooyoung doesn’t think she could tell Jinsoul the truth, why they’d never be able to be together. She knows it would break the girl’s heart worse than if Jinsoul thinks she was just being played. Sooyoung hates that thought however, letting Jinsoul think she was being manipulated and lied to for her selfish needs.

But Sooyoung didn’t see any other way if that moment came.

And she knows it will. Jinsoul’s far too hard to resist. Sooyoung’s already way too deep. The blonde was perfect, everything about her. Sooyoung was addicted to Jinsoul like she was a drug. When she remembers the kiss they shared, her grip on the steering wheel gets tighter. It was more than just a kiss though. Jinsoul latched onto her, she didn’t let go, Sooyoung didn’t want her to.

Jinsoul was sweeter than any candy she’s ever had. Sooyoung doesn’t have to search for her favorite flavor anymore. Jinsoul had her losing every breath, had her heart flying higher than the fireworks. That girl was something else.

“What’s she like?” 

Sooyoung smirks, “well you seen her right?” She knows Hyejoo’s rolling her eyes but Sooyoung can’t help it. Jinsoul was an absolute angel, drop dead gorgeous through and through. Sooyoung just couldn’t get over that face or figure. That killer jawline or perfectly shaped curves. But Hyejoo wants to know the blonde personally, not how beautiful she is. 

A thousand words come to mind for Sooyoung. She can’t really think of one that does Jinsoul justice, “she’s a lot like you kinda, moody.” Hyejoo pinches her hand but Sooyoung only laughs, “but she has a heart of gold. She’s really kind, showed me she cares without ever telling me.” Sooyoung smiles just thinking of her, Jinsoul’s got her enamoured miles away, “the most ambitious person I’ve met it’s admirable.” Jinsoul was so confident in her abilities and self she didn’t need other people to believe in her. Sooyoung didn’t know anyone who she respected more.

“A bit clingy, but I don’t mind. I love giving her attention...because Hyejoo you should see that smile my god, the things I’d do to see it everyday.” Sooyoung messes around a bit, trying to gross her sister out and she’s successful when she hears a faint gagging noise in the back. 

“Easy there tiger, think you might explode.” Sooyoung snorts at her younger sister's comment, “when did you get so corny? Like seriously Sooyoung you sound like a total loser right now.”

“Hey, watch it.” Sooyoung grumbles playfully, but her sister is right. She was a total loser. But she couldn’t be happier being one. “I think you’d like her.” 

_I know I already do._

_Maybe I even love her._

“Yeah?” Hyejoo asks, probably hoping that she will meet Jinsoul.

Sooyoung sighs, she hopes so too, “yeah.”

The rest of the ride back is quiet. Sooyoung gets her sisters home safely and hugs them goodbye outside of their childhood home. Sooyoung looks up at it with a bittersweet feeling, “you wanna come inside? Mom’s been asking about you.” Sooyoung’s heart jumps a little bit at that. She really missed her mom. 

But she shakes her head. “No it’s okay.” She hates how broken her voice sounds. Sooyoung knows she can’t go in there now. Not until she’s ready. Heejin frowns at her and starts to walk away. All her sisters do and Hyejoo is the last one in, watching Sooyoung turn and walk down the street. Leaving the family van behind. 

Sooyoung will be just fine.

As long as she keeps thinking of Jinsoul’s brown eyes.

~~~~

After applying some press-on nails, Jinsoul begins to paint them purple. Yoojung’s was laying in front of her old box tv, watching MTV. Jinsoul keeps glancing at the girl with her feet hanging up in the air, humming along to the fuzzy music blaring through the speakers. 

Jinsoul rolls her eyes, “turn that crap off, I wanna watch something else.” 

Yoojung shoves more popcorn into her mouth, “what got something against tears for fear?” Jinsoul checks out her nails, blowing on them slightly to dry them. 

Shrugging her shoulders she answers, “you know I don’t like that new wave stuff.” Glancing back at the tv, she watches Yoojung change the channel a few times before landing on some cartoon. Jinsoul smiles, now that's some entertainment. 

“Or you just don’t like listening to dudes.” Yoojung mumbles out before turning towards her. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Yoojung shrugs while lifting herself up from the carpet before skipping over to Jinsoul. The blonde groans when her best friend flops on top of it, holding out her own hands so Jinsoul will do her nails. “I mean look around Jinsoul, all you like is girls… besides Prince and George Michael and you know they’re more in touch with their feminine side.” 

Taking one of Yoojung’s hands in her own, she starts to file down the girl's nails. Not like she has to do much anyways, Yoojung had short ones. Jinsoul takes a long sweep of her room. Like a typical girl’s room for the most part. Pink walls and a fluffy white bed filled with stuffed animals and pillows. Lace curtains, all her collectables, a closet full of cute clothes. A vanity cluttered with makeup and accessories. Her messy nightstand where her radio sits with all it’s cassettes. 

However, usually a girl had her posters. Which Jinsoul did...but her choice was a bit different than other girls. While any other girl would have a token pop-star, like Janet Jackson or Bonnie Tyler, Jinsoul had _all_ of them. Girls had nothing but boys on their walls, but Jinsoul thought that was an eyesore. Her magazine cutouts were of women from Vogue, not the so-called heartthrobs from ‘Teen. 

Jinsoul just ignores it. Like she always has, when people question her she just shrugs and moves on. Not like Yoojung would judge her anyways, but Jinsoul rather keep it a secret to everyone she knows. It’s just easier that way. 

“God, Doyeon has been so romantic lately.” Yoojung’s been blabbering about Doyeon a lot recently. Jinsoul guesses it’s because the cat is finally out of the bag and the girl feels a lot more comfortable around her. She certainly doesn’t mind, because secretly all the talk Yoojung does, Jinsoul just replaces those stories with her and Sooyoung.

_Oh Sooyoung…_

“Hey! Are you even listening to me?” Jinsoul blinks out of her daze, shifting her eyes up, she smiles sheepishly at Yoojung who was glaring at her. Dumbly nodding the girl quickly goes back to her story, “as I was saying, she’s usually fucking around with all that clay and stuff, finally she’s in an art slump so she’s been wanting to hang out more! I mean...it’s bad she’s in a slump or whatever but that’s more me time right! Yesterday we went to _blah-blah -blahblah_.” 

Jinsoul starts to fade out of the conversation again. She tries to focus but all she can make out of the movement of Yoojung’s lips are dial tone noises. The blonde was usually the one that talked someone’s ear off, but years of hiding a relationship has to be hard. Yoojung’s must have a lot bottled in.

The blonde finishes up Yoojung’s nails allowing the freedom for the girl to wave her hands around in an exaggerated manner as she talks. Leaning back onto her pillows she just nods along to all of Yoojung’s stories. Doyeon was holed up in that smelly studio most of the time. Making various pottery and such, Jinsoul’s glad that Yoojung is being treated right.

Jinsoul wonders if Sooyoung would treat her like that. Grinding her teeth together, she forces herself to stop, _don’t think about her, just because we kissed doesn’t mean we’re gonna start dating. Sooyoung doesn’t want that._ But boy is that a dream to think of...dating Sooyoung. Jinsoul can just imagine it. She bets Sooyoung’s one of those girls that like museums and long walks at night. Talking and staying close to each other.

She wonders if Sooyoung has special places to go to, Jinsoul wonders if the girl would ever take her to them. Shaking her head of the day dream she reminds herself. Sooyoung doesn’t do dating, just like Jiwoo said. She’s a player. Jinsoul would have her fun of course, but she wouldn’t fall entirely under Sooyoung’s spell. No matter how easy it would be. 

Besides, Jinsoul doesn’t think Sooyoung’s trying to play her. If anything the older girl is trying to resist her. Jinsoul lets her ego inflate...she knows she’s irresistible. But she should probably help Sooyoung out some to avoid an awkward future between them, or worst, not one at all. Jinsoul promises no more teasing or flirting. No more clinging onto Sooyoung and begging for attention no matter how good it feels to be wrapped up into the girl.

No more pouting when she doesn’t get what she wants. Jinsoul has to learn how to listen to the word _no_ if she wants Sooyoung to stick around her. There’s boundaries she knows that, both of them want to cross them, Jinsoul knows how stupid it would be though if they did. It’d just end up with one of them getting hurt. Jinsoul doesn’t want that for either of them.

Jinsoul’s got it out of her system now, the pent up frustration. The powerful pull that Sooyoung’s got on her. The thick tension that had started to settle in her stomach. It’s gone now, maybe. And it will be for Sooyoung too. 

Still, Jinsoul can’t help but think about it.

She gets unexplainably hot and achy when she remembers how Sooyoung tastes. Her thick yet soft lips, the tiny noises she made whenever Jinsoul couldn’t help but bite down to make sure they’re real. How Sooyoung had a death grip onto her waist and everytime she deepened the kiss the girl’s blunt nails would dig in tighter. 

When Jinsoul pulled back from that kiss she saw the desire in the dark pool of Sooyoung’s eyes. She didn’t think twice before leaning back in. Jinsoul was devoted to the feeling she gets when she’s with Sooyoung. She doesn’t know how long she held onto Sooyoung like she was her lifeline. It was long enough for her lips to go numb from the bruising kisses and biting. Enough for her entire body to feel exhausted from trembling every time Sooyoung sucked her bottom lip in between her own.

It was most definitely the best kiss of her life, and there wasn’t even tongue! Jinsoul hates when guys think that shoving their entire tongue down her throat is what makes a kiss good, because it’s not. It’s the way that Sooyoung was gentle and yet at the same time controlled their kiss with dominance was what made the kiss amazing. It was rough and consuming. Jinsoul knows they were still worked up from the fight, but she couldn’t help but wonder if they had kissed right before that. 

Would it have been different?

The kiss had been desperate and full of hunger. Which didn’t seem like Sooyoung at all. Jinsoul often thought about how Sooyoung would kiss her. She dreamed it would be more romantic, slow and sensual like her personality. Not like she was complaining about the first one...it was just making her realize she wanted more. She wants everything with Sooyoung.

She did when they finally broke apart, needing to breathe after mixing their own for the longest time. It was how Sooyoung held her after, close and safe. Jinsoul liked being enveloped in Sooyoung’s arms more than she liked kissing her. The older girl had pulled her head to rest on her chest, Jinsoul could hear the rampant heart beat along with the rhythm of heavy breaths. Jinsoul wishes she could remember exactly how it felt when Sooyoung started to stroke the back of her head with her fingertips, gently massaging the built up tension there.

Jinsoul knew then, she needed Sooyoung more than she wanted her.

That’s why she was not going to feed into this desire anymore. She needs Sooyoung’s hold more than anything. More than the kissing or arguing. Or the longing look in her eyes.

“Soooo enough about little ol’ me what about you?” 

Jinsoul was stuck in her own world before Yoojung pulled her out of it, “what about me?”

“Yeah Soul, any new boy toys? It’s summer you usually have one by now.” Yoojung says casually and Jinsoul’s head goes blank. She hasn’t thought about boys at all lately, let alone anything else for that matter. It was all about clothes really, and looking good for a certain someone. Oh, and she’s been pretty focused on all her tv shows...maybe she was starting to lose her grip on reality. 

Shrugging she grabs her rubix cube off the nightstand, “I dunno, I’ve been busy.” It’s too quiet, so Jinsoul looks up to see Yoojung staring at her questionably. “What? Stop staring at me like I’m a freak.” 

“Come ooon, it’s been months since Minho I’m sure you got your eye on someone.” Yoojung pokes at her side and Jinsoul only groans in response, yeah she does have her eye one someone doesn’t mean she can have them. “Or are you turning into a full blown dweeb I mean you have been playing dungeons a lot more.” Jinsoul glares at Yoojung who was hiding her life. Her whole desk was covered in strategies and character sheets. Jinsoul even has custom dice now. 

“Shut up Yoojung.”

Her friend hugs up to her then and carefully takes the rubix cube out of her grip, where she was mindlessly rotating it. “Seriously, you’ve been in your head a lot lately.” Yoojung’s tone is caring and worried. Jinsoul wonders how long she’s been watched. Turning to meet her friend’s gaze she smiles, “you’d tell me if something was up...right Jinsoul?” 

Nodding her head she’s not sure if Yoojung believes her. But the girl pretends to anyway. Jinsoul feels a bit bad, but suddenly remembers something that’ll get Yoojung off her ass, “well there was this one guy, he gave me his number the other day.”

Yoojung perks up at that, “really? Is he cute?”

Jinsoul giggles, he was, but he wasn’t as cute as Sooyoung. No one would ever be better than Sooyoung and it’s about time for Jinsoul to accept it. “Yeah, should I call him?”

Yoojung goes total girl mode and squeals and all Jinsoul can do is fake it with her. Besides, it’s not like she’s faked it her whole life.

What’s a little while longer gonna hurt?  
~~~~

If there was a nuclear bomb dropped, Jinsoul probably wouldn’t notice it. Her eyes are focused on the game in front of her, and any noise she hears is canceled out by the blaring music in her ears. She’s standing in front of Dig-Dug, some kids were messing around with Q*bert and Jinsoul didn’t feel like scaring them off today.

Adjusting her headphones she glances near the door, Xiaojun and Yoojung should be here soon. Then she could start to actually play the game how she wanted to. Glaring at Taeyong, who snapped at her every time she made ever so much as a peep, she waits until he’s looking at her to flip him off.

The boy rolls his eyes and holds his finger up to her as well before going back to his magazine. Taeyong was too uptight, or really too far up Kyungsoo’s ass. He actually did his job while her friends would just ignore almost anything that happened in the arcade. Including people who would ask them questions, neither Yoojung or Xiaojun knew anything about video games. Not a lot of newcomers were happy when they were working. 

Jinsoul continues to play, getting lost in the mechanics of it. These are the moments that she’s grateful for, where she didn’t think about anything other than the game. “Hiii I just wanted to tell you miss that our nachos are- HOLY FUCK!” 

Xiaojun screams when she turns around, the boy was clutching his chest and breathing dramatically. It isn’t a second later before Yoojung rolls up behind him, an oversized purse in one hand and a coffee in the other. “Shut up, don’t act like you didn’t know that was Soul.” Jinsoul slides her headphones off and down to her neck. 

“When have you ever seen Jinsoul wear a Van cort sweater? My shock is valid, she usually has taste.” Jinsoul takes offense to that, her dad's sweater is very comfortable. And while comfort over fashion was a no-no rule for her (because looking good was more important than feeling good)...today was an exception. “I mean she looks very cute, in a dork kinda way, but cute.” 

Jinsoul looks down at her outfit and back up to Xiaojun, “do I really look that lame?” 

“No Jinsoul.”

“Yes love.” 

Xiaojun and Yoojung answer at the same time, the girl elbows the boy in the ribs, “why do you always have to be so rude?” 

“I’m not being rude! I said she looked cute!” Xiaojun exclaims in a defensive manner. When Jinsoul and Yoojung both give him skeptical looks he rolls his eyes, “whatever punani lovers I’m gonna go make fun of Taeyong’s leather boots.” With that Jinsoul’s saved from the urge to punch her friend in the face, especially for the last comment. Now, Yoojung was looking at her funny. Since for all she knew, there was only one girl here that was gay…

Xiaojun knows a little more than he should, “you look fine Soul, but it is weird seeing you dress so...normal.” Jinsoul raises a brow at that and takes the coffee that Yoojung hands her. The younger girl never drank caffeine; she was deadly afraid it would give her wrinkles too early in her life. Chugging it in one go, she turns to throw the empty cup at Taeyong before paying attention to Yoojung.

Jinsoul guesses she’s a bit out of her element. Her clothes were always either revealing or entirely too colorful. Now, she was wearing something pretty dull and that covered her entire body.

Along with the sweater she wore her baggiest jeans and some old converse. She even had her glasses on today because the headache she had was proving to be too much. Jinsoul thinks it’s the lack of sleep, or maybe it’s the growing Sooyoung tumor in her brain that pounds every time she thinks of the girl.

“Thanks I guess.” Jinsoul mumbles out and instantly Yoojung picks up on her sunken mood.

The girl eyes her up and down, “okay what’s up?” If the clothes weren't a giveaway, maybe it would be the dark circles under her eyes that she didn’t bother covering up would be a clue.

“It’s nothing, just things are starting to pick up in class.”Jinsoul wasn’t particularly upset about anything. She was just very tired and needed a break from reality. Yoojung frowns at her and gives her a quick hug and kiss on the head before heading over to the counter. Jinsoul lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. 

The games were definitely helping but she could only think of one person. Sooyoung. It’s not like she’s done nothing wrong. Actually Jinsoul would consider Sooyoung to be perfect, no the problem is Jinsoul hasn’t seen her for a while...a long time and it’s starting to irk her in a way it shouldn’t. Jinsoul was a little scared at first, thinking Sooyoung was avoiding her. But that wasn’t the case at all. Some time last week, she was watching the news when she saw a familiar face and charming smile.

She got a call later that night, after fangirling about how good Sooyoung looked during her interview about upcoming projects. It was that same voice she daydreams about all the time now. Sooyoung had apologized for being busy, then apologized some more about how she was gonna stay busy. Meaning no time for Jinsoul...still, she got that call every night and wasn’t about to think about the ass beating she was gonna get when her mom saw the phone bill. 

The lack of sleep wasn’t because Jinsoul couldn’t close her eyes to rest. No she was peacefully exhausted every night, but Sooyoung kept her up because well, Jinsoul just couldn’t hang up on her. 

Jinsoul has no idea what she’s gonna do, she doesn’t understand her feelings for Sooyoung. One second Jinsoul wants her so bad she can’t stand it, the next she’s scared to death of her. Her conversation with Jiwoo used to not bother her, but now all it did was replay in her mind. Jinsoul really likes Sooyoung.

Really _really_ likes her. 

She has no idea what Sooyoung wants though. Will Jinsoul be like the rest of the girls to her? Or even more...maybe not anything at all. Jinsoul doesn’t like to think about it. She knows what she has to do. Jinsoul can’t let Sooyoung decide when to break her heart, now or later. So Jinsoul will make the choice for her, she'll end whatever is starting between them as soon as possible.

If Sooyoung even saw it as anything in the first place.

Sooyoung might kiss a lot of girls like that casually and Jinsoul doesn’t like how she gets jealous at the thought. That’s something she’ll have to get over. She wants Sooyoung to stay, they’re a good match, just not romantically. Jinsoul will have to learn how to endure when Sooyoung gets a lover or two, a lover that’s not her. 

Jinsoul’s too into the game to notice who walks through the door, umbrella in hand for the cold rain outside. Xiaojun waves excitedly, Sooyoung waves back, the biggest smile on her face. Yoojung greets her as well and when Sooyoung looks at her expectedly she rolls her eyes and points towards the Dig dug game. 

Sooyoung’s smile somehow becomes wider when she sees the blonde, who is completely unaware. The older girl was in more formal clothes today, a cream colored blazer that was a bit too big. The shoulder pads made her body almost triangular. A knee length skirt that was tight around her waist and a silk shirt tucked into it. The silk shirt was cut deep, all the way down to between her breasts. She was wearing all white, which contrasted her tan skin. 

Jinsoul is grumbling about the game when Sooyoung sneaks up behind. The blonde was listening to the Whitney Houston cassette, Sooyoung could hear it blasting from her headphones. 

“Ugh this game is so freaking stupid,” Jinsoul groans and suddenly she feels her headphones slipping down. Grabbing them with one hand and continuing to play with the other she tries to shift them back up. They won’t budge though, so Jinsoul reaches down further, meeting a soft hand on the way.

The blonde gasps and turns around quickly. Her heart thumping out of her chest from the jumpscare. Her heart catches in her throat once she sees who it is, “hey princess, did you miss me?” Jinsoul wants to smile but then she suddenly remembers what she looks like. _Oh my god I don’t even have mascara on!_ Jinsoul blushes and turns her back to Sooyoung. “Hey! I thought you’d be happy to see me!”

Jinsoul covers her mouth...she was. God, she was so happy to see Sooyoung. And the older girl looked so good today. Her makeup was light, but showcased her features perfectly. Sooyoung was delicate, yet jaw dropping at the same time. She got a few seconds worth of looking into Sooyoung’s eyes that were brighter than usual. Jinsoul noticed how they scrunched up even more when they locked gazes. 

She feels Sooyoung’s hands grip around her waist, “turn around Jinsoul.” The blonde shakes her head and can hear Sooyoung giggle behind her, “don’t be shy, you certainly weren't last night on the phone.” Jinsoul grumbles at the teasing voice and turns around.

Pointing in Sooyoung’s face, Jinsoul’s blood boils more when she sees that arrogant smirk, “yeah cause you said I had a lisp when I clearly don’t!” Jinsoul realizes it was a trap to get her to turn around and now Sooyoung’s staring at her weird. “Jesus don’t make it obvious...I know I don’t look great right now.” 

Sooyoung visibly swallows; she can even hear the gulp noise. Jinsoul knots her brows together, frustrated that the older girl was dumbfounded. She wasn’t that ugly without makeup on for crying out loud! Jinsoul knows she was still pretty, just not as pretty as when she was dolled up. What she didn’t know was that she was dead wrong, to everyone else, she was just as gorgeous. Sooyoung’s looked at her like that before but Jinsoul can’t figure out when she has...maybe it was right before they kissed. 

“What?! God Sooyoung you’re so weird!” Jinsoul snaps at her, making Sooyoung blink in shock. The older girl’s mouth closes from where it was hanging open. 

Pushing out of Sooyoung’s grip, Jinsoul whines when the older girl just pulls them right back together. The front of their bodies flushed against each other. A certain heat blooms in Jinsoul’s chest, the same one from when she kissed Sooyoung once she locks eyes again. Sooyoung’s pupils are blown and Jinsoul doesn’t know why, “will you shut up, can’t I admire you in peace?” 

Jinsoul opens her mouth to say something but nothing comes out. She grabs onto the top of Sooyoung’s arms that were covered in the thick fabric of the blazer. Jinsoul knows her hands are sweating from the smouldering look she’s receiving right now. Sooyoung’s grip is still on her waist and Jinsoul can’t help but to lean back from the girl in an effort to resist the urge to do the opposite of that. 

“You’re so fucking pretty I can’t stand it.” Sooyoung grits out, like she was almost pissed that Jinsoul was attractive. The blonde relaxes in the possessive hold Sooyoung’s got on her, now mesmerized by the staring contest they were having. 

Jinsoul doesn’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed when Sooyoung snaps out of whatever daze she was in. The previous charm fades away, in place of a genuine kindness, “uh um sorry.” Sooyoung stumbles out and giggles nervously while letting Jinsoul settle back into her own space. 

The older girl rubs the back of her head when Jinsoul replies, “it’s okay, we all have our moments.” Sooyoung glares at her for that but then suddenly remembers something. Jinsoul watches as the older girl opens up her blazer. Jinsoul can’t help but stare at the skin exposed, she especially lingers onto Sooyoung’s collarbones, which were prominently sticking out underneath the multiple pearl necklaces. 

“I got you something!” Sooyoung digs for a few moments and then pulls something out, “tadaa!”

Jinsoul glances down after melting at the smile Sooyoung gives her, “a pen?” Sooyoung’s eyes widen and she groans seeing a ballpoint pen stuck between her fingers. Jinsoul snorts when the girl grumples something to herself before tossing the pen behind her head, not caring who it hit. It ends up smacking Taeyong in the head on his way out.

Sooyoung goes back to the inside pocket of her blazer, then something crumbled is in front of Jinsoul’s face, “a rose.” Jinsoul’s about to pass out....Sooyoung got her a rose. She subtly reaches behind her to lean onto the game machine. If not, she’d be hitting the floor.

It’s just a simple stupid little flower but oh my god Jinsoul feels like she’s in a movie. Her diary is going to be mad tonight...because Jinsoul is going to be scribbling random nonsense onto the pages furiously. “It’s...dammit it’s all smashed up.” Sooyoung says defeated and her once proud shoulders slump. 

Jinsoul is falling in love with her.

At first, it was the aura Sooyoung had. The one that said, _you can’t touch me but you can look_ , the one that pissed Jinsoul off but at the same time dragged her along a path towards obsession. Sooyoung was just so mysterious and cool. She was everything a girl wanted to be, and at the same time, wanted to be with. 

Sooyoung was dreamy, in a sense where she was unattainable but everything Jinsoul could ever ask for. She was standoffish, like she didn’t want anyone to know her, and a bit conceited, as if she thought she was too good for anyone who tried. That was only an act though, the icy withdrawn attitude Sooyoung had. Jinsoul may have had a crush on the chic city girl that Sooyoung was at first glance, but she was falling for the secret dork in front of her. That was sweet enough to tell her she was pretty when she felt like shit, and cared enough to bring her a flower when she didn’t even ask for it.

That liked her for who she was, not for who she was trying to be. 

The older girl is about to shove it back into her pocket when Jinsoul stops her, “no, wait...I love it.” Jinsoul takes the crumbled rose in her hands, “thank you.” She stares at it for a moment and remembers all the beautiful bouquets she’s been given before. None of them compared to this lousy rose though. 

“I know it isn’t much of anything, and well I stopped and got this too.” The older girl reaches down to her bag, Jinsoul’s eyes almost pop out. It was an expensive bottle of perfume, one that Jinsoul could only dream of buying or having a boyfriend who could afford it. But here it was right in front of her face. 

Sooyoung also holds up a tinier replica of the pound puppy they had lost back when they had their disagreement. Jinsoul doesn’t know how to react. She’s frozen, “oh my god.” Sooyoung only hums in response as Jinsoul glances between her hands. Looking up the older girl has her lips turned cutely, just watching her. Sooyoung blushes and quickly straightens them in a line. So much for getting it out of her system, Jinsoul wanted to kiss her just as bad as she did at the festival.

“The rose came free with the perfume and I thought i’d try and surprise you but-”

“Babe, can you hold it?” Jinsoul interrupts Sooyoung’s nervous rambling. 

Sooyoung nods but she’s a bit confused, she takes the stuff she got for Jinsoul out of her hands anyways. “Yeah sure why?” The words die in her throat when Jinsoul reaches up to grab onto her shoulders, standing on her tippie toes. The blonde would grumble because she was so short compared to Sooyoung, especially when she had heels on. But right now she couldn’t pay much attention to anything else other than pressing a kiss onto Sooyoung’s soft cheek.

Jinsoul probably shouldn’t have lingered as long as she did, or put it too close to the corner of Sooyoung’s lips. She doesn’t look at Sooyoung’s reaction, or dwell on the tiny gasp that escaped between the lips that hers were so close to. Wrapping her arms tightly around Sooyoung’s shoulders, Jinsoul leans into the warmth. 

The older girl awkwardly holds her bag and the stuff she got Jinsoul out to the sides. Desperately wanting to hug Jinsoul back but not being able to, Sooyoung only rests her chin down on the blonde’s shoulder. “You gotta stop being so sweet Sooyoung.” Jinsoul whispers out, “or you’re gonna regret it.”

Sooyoung giggles, “and why would I regret that?”

Jinsoul squeezes a little harder than before, she’s so scared. But that only makes the temptation sound sweeter. “I’ll get more annoying.” _If you thought it was bad before, just wait until I’m in love with you._ Jinsoul means it as a joke but she’s being serious. 

_You won’t be able to shake me off just like any other girl._

Sooyoung pulls away and Jinsoul’s forced to look at her now, she’s embarrassed at how deep her blush is. How hard her heart is thumping. _If you break me, I’ll be sure to take a piece of you with me._ Sooyoung’s smile feels like poison now, “what if I don’t mind that?” Jinsoul rolls her eyes, “what if I like it when you’re all over me barbie?” Jinsoul huffs out hot air, the poison is running all through her veins now. 

She’s becoming addicted to it.

Surely she’ll become immune before it kills her. Won’t she? 

Her hold is on the back of Sooyoung’s neck now and the resemblance is too much. Jinsoul relives the kiss and her tummy twists and turns. Glancing away she puffs up at the teasing laugh that comes out of Sooyoung’s mouth. Jinsoul’s hands drift down to keep Sooyoung at bay because she was subconsciously leaning forward. 

Sooyoung closes in on her, “Can I have another?” The older girl points at her cheek with a cute smile growing on her face.

Groaning, Jinsoul pushes her away with a disgusted expression, “Ugh, as if, I kinda feel sick giving you one in the first place.” Sooyoung rolls her eyes while subtly locking her arms around Jinsoul’s waist and the blonde tries to squirm her way out.

“Please, I loved it.” Any other time Jinsoul would think Sooyoung was making fun of her, but the tone of the girl’s voice sounded a bit desperate. Like she was trying to play it off as only a joke when really, she actually wanted it more than anything.

Jinsoul reminds herself she can’t play into that any longer, “I’d rather jump off a roof…” She had her eyes closed from trying to resist Sooyoung but when she opens them she regrets it even more. Sooyoung’s pouting up at her, trembling lip and everything. Jinsoul clenches her hands onto Sooyoung’s blazer and pulls away, what she sees makes her even more irked “WHAT ARE YOU FREAKS LOOKING AT!” 

The entirety of the dweeb league was staring at them, practically drooling. Jinsoul feels steam blow out of her ears and Sooyoung drags her away before she starts to physically harm them. They all had dispersed like the little rats they are, thankfully Jinsoul didn’t have to use her claws. “You’re so grumpy today.” Sooyoung sighs and Jinsoul swears she’s gonna pop a blood vessel.

She’s so frustrated right now and she doesn’t know why. Ever since she thought about the kiss she just feels so...hot and on edge. Jinsoul wants to punch something, well at least she thinks she does.

Xiaojun and Yoojung watch from a distance, the boy is the first to speak up, “I give it a week tops before they’re fucking.” 

Yoojung snorts, “pleaseeee them panties will be dropping sooner than that.” Jinsoul’s chewing Sooyoung’s ass out about something, but there’s nothing but affection in the taller girl’s eyes. Yoojung knows that look, Sooyoung’s got it bad for her best friend. Jinsoul could be ripping her a new one and Sooyoung would just be heart eyes in return, “if they’re not already.”

“Oohh you think so?” Xiaojun says and Yoojung only throws him a knowing look. Jinsoul’s now bouncing her fists off Sooyoung’s chest playfully as the older girl tugs on the blonde’s sweater, pulling her closer. They’re all over each other. 

Yoojung sighs, “yup, can’t you tell? I mean have you ever seen Jinsoul this crazy over someone. Two weeks and she’s gonna be like ‘hey babes...I gotta a little secret’ and we both know what’s it gonna be.” Yoojung had a weird feeling about it though. Sooyoung was really sweet to Jinsoul, treating her friend like she should be. They were basically perfect for each other. But there was something off. Nothing that Yoojung hasn’t noticed, however, everytime she brings the two up to Doyeon her girlfriend gets upset.

What was she missing here?

“You dirty bitch, what’s the wager.”

“Dinner and an additional ten bucks.” 

Xiaojun holds his hand out, “you're so on.” 

Jinsoul can’t get the words out, not here in front of everyone. She glances over at Yoojung who was shaking hands with Xiaojun for some reason. “I’m just saying, you really suck at Dig Dug, I’m trying to give you some advice.”

“Can we talk?” Jinsoul blurts out suddenly. 

Sooyoung is playing the game but once she hears the shake of Jinsoul’s voice, she turns, “We’re talking right now.” 

Staring a hole through Sooyoung’s face she waits for the older girl to give up the joke, but she doesn’t. Jinsoul stomps on the ugly abstract carpet with her fist clenched, “ugh Sooyoung you know what I mean!” Jinsoul knows she can be a brat sometimes, but she has a hunch that Sooyoung likes it. She sees the way Sooyoung has to compose herself after her whining and crying.

Sooyoung smirks and rolls her eyes playfully, “Sure princess, what’s on your mind?” Jinsoul gulps as the older girl stands back up where she was hunkered over the buttons of dig dug. If they were there any longer she could hear Sooyoung’s stupidly attractive voice asking for that stupid chair to sit it. Jinsoul doesn’t know if she’d go get it like she usually does...she likes looking at Sooyoung at this angle.

Sooyoung’s too tall in those heels and she looks so hot when she wears her more professional outfits. Jinsoul tried to not look earlier, but as soon as Sooyoung bent over the game she couldn’t help but wish that blazer was a little smaller so she could see, “uh hello? If you’re just messing with me…”

“I’m not. It’s...can we do it outside?” Sooyoung raises a brow suggestively and Jinsoul can feel the heat swell in her, “not like that pervert! I meant the talk!” Sooyoung throws her head back in a laugh and Jinsoul swears she sees that smile sparkle. 

Sooyoung licks her lips and jerks her head towards the door, “come on let's go.” Jinsoul takes a deep breath in relief as Sooyoung starts to gather her things. It isn’t a moment later until Sooyoung’s offering her an elbow to grab onto. Jinsoul does after shoving her bag onto her shoulder. 

Wrapping both hands around Sooyoung’s arm she hides her face when the older girl asks, “so this is _the_ talk now?” Sooyoung sounds almost worried, but the confidence laced into the tone makes it hard to tell. Jinsoul only nods and avoids looking Sooyoung in the eye.

This is it, this is what’s been bothering her lately. She’ll finally be able to clear it all up. This could either go bad or good...either way, she won’t have to worry about it anymore. Sooyoung flips the umbrella above them, Jinsoul can hear the drops above them hit the fabric. Sooyoung leads them to the alleyway closest to the arcade. 

Jinsoul has to shuffle close to Sooyoung’s front if she doesn’t get wet. Even though she really appreciates Sooyoung’s hold on her waist she gently shoves it off to focus. She doesn’t miss the way Sooyoung frowns, nor the way her face pales. “Is this about the little moment we had?”

Crossing her arms, she puts some distance between them, thankfully the umbrella is big enough. “Yes.” When she says that one little word, it’s like miles are put between them. Jinsoul wants to start racing her way back to Sooyoung in an instant. 

Sooyoung’s racing too, “How are you feeling about it?” Glancing up at Sooyoung, above the frame of her glasses she starts to feel bad about the expression on the older girl’s face. Sooyoung looks sick, afraid of what she’s gonna say. But the thing is, Jinsoul feels amazing right now.

That kiss was the best of her life. She couldn’t feel any better about it. But she knows what would come with more kisses like that. If they continued to get closer and closer. Sooyoung would eventually put the wedge between them.

So Jinsoul tells the truth, or what she’s trying to make the truth, “I think we got it out of our systems.” That’s what she intentionally thought. That if she kissed Sooyoung long enough, this fuzzy feeling inside would just go away. No that feeling became more intense, almost like a flutter now. Jinsoul likes it way more...she only wants it to become stronger. 

“Oh?” Sooyoung says surprised and she doesn’t mind when the older girl steps closer to her. 

Jinsoul chews on her lip for a second, “I mean isn’t it weird? The um-.” 

“Chemistry we have?” Jinsoul looks back up when she’s interrupted. It’s undeniable, this connection. It’s been there since Jinsoul first locked eyes with Sooyoung on that subway. It was a dull spark, turning into a full burning flame. Sooyoung was like her gasoline, fueling her to burn hotter...faster. Bigger than what she could control. 

Nodding she agrees, “Yeah, that.” She’s been thinking about it ever since. How it’s always been there, but Jinsoul is a master at pretending it’s not. However, Sooyoung’s just as good at pulling the truth from her. 

“You don’t like it?” Sooyoung asks.

Jinsoul melts at the tiny voice Sooyoung uses, so she quickly reaches forward to grab onto the older girl’s hips to reassure her, “No! Babe of course it’s not that...it’s just wow Sooyoung I can’t stop thinking about it, I can’t stop thinking about _you._ ” Sooyoung’s pretty stone-faced at the moment, but the biggest smile starts to stretch on her face after Jinsoul’s little outburst. “Um pretend I didn’t say that.” Jinsoul grumbles out. 

“I can pretend, but I won’t forget.” The blonde wants to slap herself, she can’t just ask Sooyoung to pretend with her. So she has to take whatever this is between them, and not allow it to exist anymore. So they don’t have to fake it anymore. 

Jinsoul takes a deep breath before she admits what’s on her mind. “I don’t regret it. What we did...it wasn’t a mistake to me. B-but I don’t think it would be a good idea to do it again.” She’s never rambled like this before. Jinsoul sounds like a freaking loser but god she gets so twisted up when she thinks about that kiss, she couldn’t even get it straight talking about it. 

“I agree.”

Jinsoul had her eyes closed for a _fuck you_ , or anything in that negative form. Not Sooyoung actually going along with her. “You do?” Her eyes are now wide open, staring into Sooyoung’s filled with nothing but honesty. 

“Yeah, I really like having you as a friend Jinsoul and I get pretty dodgy when things get...complicated, and they definitely would if we continued to um, do what we did the other night.” Jinsoul gets a little dumbstruck at how truthful Sooyoung is being with her. The older girl was actually warning her. Sooyoung actually cared about her enough to not want to play her like she has countless other girls. 

It hurts still, the fact that Sooyoung doesn’t like her enough to break her habit of playing hearts. But at least she likes her enough to not even try. Jinsoul can respect that. A lot, she thinks she can trust Sooyoung now. The older girl takes a deep breath before breaking their gaze, she stares out onto the street, a faint blush rising on her cheeks. “Even though what we did was really nice and I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to keep doing it.” 

Jinsoul can feel herself going weak, she’s too focused on how Sooyoung bit her lip after saying that. She remembers biting it herself. She wants to scream, _I want to keep kissing you too._

_I want to keep kissing you forever maybe._

“I’d rather not lose you. I like you too much. I think it would best if we didn’t act on our urges.” Sooyoung finishes with a long sigh, it sounds so disappointed but controlled. Jinsoul knows exactly how Sooyoung feels. It’s frustrating they can’t do this. There’s too much conflict, Jinsoul’s too stubborn and Sooyoung’s not grounded enough. No matter how heavy Jinsoul of an anchor could become, she could never settle a ship like Sooyoung. 

It breaks her heart just a little bit. “Right, urges.” Jinsoul’s urge to love Sooyoung, it’s her biggest enemy right now. Because Sooyoung doesn’t want to be loved, she doesn’t want to belong to anyone. No matter how comfortable Jinsoul will try to make her, there will still be that part of Sooyoung that doesn’t want to be confined to one place. Sooyoung doesn’t want to settle or open up. Jinsoul has to respect that, so she’ll sacrifice her feelings early on. 

Sooyoung smirks after the tense moment, “I know I’m hard to resist, but I’ll keep my hands to myself too.” Jinsoul lets herself relax too, after all, they have all the time in the world now. Maybe someday, Sooyoung will be tired enough to fall into her. For now though. Jinsoul will settle for this. 

“Jerk, you’re not that tempting.” Jinsoul shoves one of Sooyoung’s shoulders but the older girl only uses it as an opportunity to drag her closer. Jinsoul giggles at Sooyoung’s breath on her ear, she tries to turn away but Sooyoung’s lips only follow her. 

Sooyoung blows hot air onto the curve of her jawline, “Are you sure about that?” She isn’t, Jinsoul’s not so sure how long she 

“Stop it…” Jinsoul squirms in the hold Sooyoung has on her, because she likes it so much. It takes her on edge and she finally realizes why she’s so frustrated. Sooyoung’s bad and Jinsoul wants to see how bad she can be. She’s always liked it when someone doesn’t treat her so delicately. Sooyoung knows her too well, she knows when to be gentle and when to test her sanity. 

Jinsoul’s about to go back on her word...maybe one more time. Just for good measures. She can smear that lip gloss that Sooyoung has on. “Sorry I know I shouldn’t tease you, might jump my bones again.” Sooyoung leans away, Jinsoul isn’t relieved at all. She’s worked up and it’s all this girl’s fault.

“Sooyoung!” Jinsoul screams as Sooyoung laughs it off. It shouldn’t be this easy, but for some reason Jinsoul glad it was. She didn’t have to get hurt and neither did Sooyoung this way. She thinks this is what they both wanted...right?

Jinsoul waits with a grimace on her face, Sooyoung is wiping the tears from her face. Her cheeks are slightly red. The older girl’s eyes flutter. “So, friends?” 

It takes a moment for Jinsoul to answer, “friends, totally just friends.” Sooyoung raises a brow but doesn’t question it. Jinsoul’s left to stare. 

She’s left to stare at what she has to let go. The smile, the soft gaze in Sooyoung’s eyes that’s starting to form. The undeniable feeling that she shouldn’t give up on this. But she does, because now they’re just friends. She’s just friends with the girl of her dreams 

Jinsoul sighs and she hears the rain pour harder onto the umbrella. It should have cleared up by now.

Just like the storm in her heart.

~~~~

hmmmm I have a hate love relationship with this chapter! But I hope everyone enjoys it! I really appreciate you guys you all seemed to like last chapter...I wonder why 

As always, lots of love <3

I might not have the next chapter ready by next week, I’m starting to work a lot more! But I’ll try my best!

Spoiler: does yvesoul go back on their word of being just friends? 

  
  
  



	17. Rules

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: blood imagery?

_ “Since we’re gonna be friends now we should set up some rules.” _

_ “Rules?” _

_ “Yeah, to make it easier on you.”  _

It’s been a few weeks since the newly established friendship. Jinsoul doesn’t know where Sooyoung got that this was going to be hard on her. She was really good at being friends with people...well Jinsoul’s never wanted to sleep a ‘ _ friend _ ’ of hers this badly before, but that wasn’t the point. Sooyoung was underestimating her.

Sure, Jinsoul was painfully aware of the chemistry they had, but it wasn’t like she was gonna tear Sooyoung to shreds like a rabid dog. She had class and dignity. Of course she’d respected the boundaries they had agreed upon.

However, it was very strong chemistry they had. Like the kind where she’d put two substances together and it creates an explosion. The kind that a teacher would advise her not to try or she’d seriously get hurt. Jinsoul was like a blow torch and Sooyoung was a very flammable substance, it was bound to get messy and dangerous. 

But Jinsoul couldn’t help it, she really wanted to see what color the flame would change to if she were to react with Sooyoung. Maybe in moderation it wouldn’t explode. She wouldn’t burn Sooyoung up and in turn, her fire wouldn’t become uncontrollable. It was a risk Jinsoul was willing to take, she was itching to experiment with Sooyoung. 

However, Sooyoung’s put the warning label on herself. Multiple times, but Jinsoul’s never been the one to listen to rules. She doesn’t care if Sooyoung could hurt her. The blonde doesn’t believe in the playing it safe strategy because where was the fun in that? How would she ever learn anything without making mistakes.

She didn’t want Sooyoung to be a mistake though. Jinsoul wants to believe that Sooyoung would be a good choice. 

Hopefully the final choice.

For now though, Jinsoul will play by the rules until she gets bored enough. 

Rule Number One: No more teasing.

_ “I think it’s the reason why...we slipped up in the first place, I don’t like being teased. I don’t think you like it that much either.” _

Sooyoung was right, Jinsoul was so pent up from all the teasing it was frustrating. Of course, it was hard not to toy with Sooyoung but Jinsoul has been good. She’s had to bite her lip to resist saying something tempting to the older girl. It’s taken a lot of strength and willpower to keep her thoughts to herself since she’s always been outspoken. 

However, just because the teasing had stopped didn’t mean the tension had gone away. Jinsoul still hears Sooyoung sigh when she flips her hair around, she still notices the older girl’s stare when she wears something revealing. Sooyoung  _ still  _ clenches her jaw whenever Jinsoul touches her. It’s there, but it’s not as obvious as before. To Jinsoul, the subtle flirting is just as bad. It makes her want to break the rules even more.

It’s very appealing, giving in that is, and she knows it’s just as hard for Sooyoung. Since, well Jinsoul knows she’s really hot, she’s a total babe. The blonde does feel slightly bad for Sooyoung and even impressed that she’s kept her hands to herself this long. Sooyoung’s got some serious control and Jinsoul’s never wanted to see someone to lose it so badly.

And if there’s anything that Jinsoul’s good at, it’s breaking someone. Whether it be their spirit or resolve. Both in which Sooyoung’s got a lot of. It’s a test for both of them. For Jinsoul, it’s her skill of seducing just about anyone she wants. Jinsoul knew how to get anyone at her feet begging for just a piece of her attention, drooling all over her and shattering their dreams when she rejected them. Jinsoul was the biggest flirt and she wasn’t ashamed of it. Sometimes, all she had to do was pout her lips and flutter her eyelashes and she’d have a brand new rack of shoes. With a flash of her teeth she’d have them wrapped around her finger. She loved rejecting guys after they’ve fallen for her. It gives her a rush of power and reminds her just how perfect she really is. 

With Sooyoung however, the game of playing hard to get was a challenge. Especially since they made an agreement to not tease each other. Sooyoung had a lot of patience and didn’t have trouble resisting any of Jinsoul’s hidden advances. It was hard to mess around with someone so charming and sweet too, everytime Jinsoul tried to say something cute, Sooyoung would just come back with something that knocked her off her feet. Sooyoung made her swoon just by looking at her and Jinsoul realizes that it was so easy to toy with people previously because she didn’t actually have feelings for them.

She has feelings for Sooyoung, so it makes her weak. Jinsoul hates it because she wants Sooyoung to be the one falling for her. Be the one begging at her feet because she can’t live without her. Crying and whining because she wants her so bad. But Jinsoul is in the same boat. She wants Sooyoung so badly she cries into her pillow at night until her eyes burn. So if she’d wanted to see where Sooyoung’s feelings stood, Jinsoul would have to reveal her own.

And she kinda wasn’t ready to do that. Not yet at least. Maybe. 

Rule Number Two: Can’t get jealous

_ “Since we’re only friends, you’re not allowed to get jealous.” _

_ “How are you gonna say that when you’re the one who gets mad when I talk about boys.” _

_ “I do not.” _

_ “Whatever, practice what you preach asshole.”  _

This rule wasn’t a problem to Jinsoul, which was what pissed her off. Sooyoung was the one that clearly got jealous whenever she mentioned boys, even told Jinsoul she shouldn’t talk to them anymore since they were friends now. It was hypocritical but Jinsoul would follow the rule anyway, she’d just make sure to wipe the grimace off Sooyoung’s face whenever she mentioned talking to a guy by reminding her of the rule she made herself.

As long as Sooyoung did anything she wanted, she didn’t have to talk to boys anymore. However, Jinsoul still did just to spite Sooyoung for making such a stupid rule. It was the most effective thing to get Sooyoung’s true feelings out too. Sooyoung’s strategy was being impassive to Jinsoul’s efforts to break her, but jealousy was Sooyoung’s weakness, and hiding it was not her strong suit. Jinsoul could read a poker face miles away, although Sooyoung had a good one.

Being this perfect has caused Jinsoul problems. But whenever someone gets jealous she’s always been thankful since it allowed her to get out of a relationship she never wanted in the first place. It seems like every guy thought they could have her. Everybody wanted her. It was the main reason she started being such a bitch. Is so that they would leave her alone. She’d get unwanted advances all the time and saying no politely just wasn’t enough. So getting mean was the only way to get it through some guys heads that she wasn’t owned by anyone. 

That was the thing with Sooyoung however, because Jinsoul wanted her to want her. Not get away from her. She liked when Sooyoung got possessive. Jinsoul was respected and even though Sooyoung treated her like a prize sometimes, Jinsoul knew she wasn’t seen as an object. 

Jinsoul likes it when Sooyoung is jealous, but she’ll raise hell if she’s punished for the same thing. The blonde isn’t the jealous type, she knows her worth. She isn’t insecure about anything or anyone. Sooyoung can flirt with any girl she wants. Jinsoul knows that Sooyoung will never find anyone like her, she can climb to the tallest tree or go around the world and back. Jinsoul is  _ that  _ girl, she isn’t cocky, don't get her wrong, the blonde is just confident. No one will ever compare to her and Sooyoung can think all she wants.

Jinsoul will never get jealous. 

Rule Number three: Don’t catch feelings, if you have them, get rid of them.

“ _ I know that the kiss probably didn’t mean anything, but if it did. I’m sorry.” _

_ “I won’t forget it, that’s all I’ll say.”  _

_ “Me neither, I don’t want to forget about it.”  _

This rule bothered Jinsoul the most. Because she did have feelings for Sooyoung, and in no way did she want to get rid of them. She embraced them, it’s the first time she’s felt for someone like this. Felt like this at all. Jinsoul has gone through her whole life wondering what it’s like to be in love and now that she’s having a glimpse into what it’s like she doesn’t want to let go.

Even though it’s scary, even though it could break her. She doesn’t want to let go, it’s too good of a feeling. Jinsoul wants to show Sooyoung to the world and tell them how amazing this girl is. That she is the one that is giving Jinsoul’s first experience of love. 

Sooyoung doesn’t want that. She doesn’t want to let anyone know that she’s loved. Jinsoul doesn’t understand it, why wouldn’t anyone want someone to have feelings for them? She absolutely loved it when strangers and such adored her. It was like Sooyoung was afraid of it. Jinsoul didn’t want Sooyoung to be scared of her, so she kept her feelings in check. 

Jinsoul was so happy to find a connection to someone, but disappointed that Sooyoung didn’t want to meet her in the middle. She was willing to go all the way though. Sooyoung was worth it to Jinsoul. As long as the older girl allows her into her heart when she gets close enough, it should be okay. That was the only thing that was holding the blonde back, was if Sooyoung kept her out even if she went all in. 

So that’s why Jinsoul wants Sooyoung to be the first one to give into this silly game they’re playing with each other. If Sooyoung is the one who breaks first, the one who falls eventually, the one who can’t stand it anymore. Jinsoul can blame her if she gets heartbroken. The blonde knew if she was given the chance, she would never ever let Sooyoung go. She would keep her close until otherwise.

If Sooyoung was the one that made the first move, Jinsoul wouldn’t be the one at fault for her own heartbreak. Because deep down, Jinsoul knows if they started something, there was a chance of Sooyoung playing her like the lovefool she was. Jinsoul was too enamored to fight against it though.

Sooyoung’s her first love after all.

She wasn’t just going to give up that easy. Jinsoul wants to give it her all so she has no regrets if it doesn’t work out like the movies, if it doesn’t have the happy ending she dreams about. Then she’ll live with it. Sooyoung is her fantasy, but not all of them last forever. Jinsoul keeps reminding herself that. If she loves Sooyoung, she can’t get mad if the girl doesn’t love her back.

At this point she doesn’t care if she’s hurt. 

As long as she gets to be the one that almost had Sooyoung. The girl will just become the one that got away, the one that Sooyoung will never forget. And she’s fine with that. She’s perfectly fine with Sooyoung being her first love. Because she knows in that way, Sooyoung will always remember the love that Jinsoul tried to give her if it doesn’t work. 

That’s why Jinsoul made the bet.

_ “What if one of us breaks?” _

_ “Breaks?” _

_ “One of the rules, what if we break the rules then what.” _

_ “I guess that’s that, we can’t help it.” _

_ “Then let's make a deal, if one of us breaks, the first one to do so has to do what the other says.”  _

_ Sooyoung looked deep into her eyes, there’s something there. It’s a longing Jinsoul’s never felt before and she knows this is more than just a deal. This is a promise. _

_ “Okay, if you break first, you can’t be upset if I can’t give you what you want. If I can’t give you everything.” _

_ “That’s fine.” _

_ Jinsoul takes the deepest breath she can take. _

_ “I’m prepared for that.”  _

Jinsoul can’t be mad over something she’s been warned about over and over again. It’s like eating a dozen donuts everyday and getting pissed whenever they go straight to her tummy and thighs. Sooyoung told her, seriously. That she’s not a good lover. Emotionally that is, Sooyoung was sure to tell her that she was great in bed but Jinsoul wasn’t too impressed by that.

She could see it on Sooyoung’s face that she was trying to downplay just how serious it was. And already, Jinsoul knew that she had some sort of hold on Sooyoung’s heart. The older girl’s poker face wasn’t enough to hide the pure distraught on her features. Sooyoung didn’t want to hurt her, but didn’t know if she’d be able to avoid it. 

Jinsoul’s already a step ahead. Sooyoung has issues, she wants to solve them. She has the puzzle of Sooyoung’s heart started and she needs to find the middle piece. It’s only a matter of luck if Sooyoung gives her it. If not, all she can say is that she tried. And she can’t blame Sooyoung for warning her.

That’s why she can’t break first.

~~~~

With frustration comes desperation.

Jinsoul is standing outside of metal gates, picking at her nails, “ _ y-you want to come in? _ ” The blonde rolls her eyes, didn’t she just say that? What was it about guys and not listening? Sooyoung listens to her...

No, Sooyoung couldn’t be on her mind right now. “Yes Kai, I want to come in. Are you dumb or deaf?” Jinsoul yells into the speaker. She hasn’t been touched in months by anyone. Jinsoul has her needs, she likes to be wanted. Still she hasn’t lowered her standards this much in a long time.

“ _ Um sure, I’ll open the gates _ .” The sound of his voice fizzles into static and Jinsoul blows a piece of her hair out of her face. Only a few minutes and she’s already annoyed. The fancy gates open and Jinsoul struts into them, the mansion in front of her is a bit too flashy for her taste, she likes the little home she lives in. Jinsoul rolls her eyes,  _ stupid rich asshole. _

Her heels click onto the pavement and she adjusts her skirt a few times before reaching the door. She’s about to ring the bell but the door is already swinging open. Kai, who had his hair blown out, stands awkwardly in front of her. 

Jinsoul’s game plan was this. Get fucked by somebody she trusts with her body while imagining it was Sooyoung. Boom satisfaction. She won’t be the one to break the rules by being too on edge.

However there was one problem. Jinsoul grimaces as she checks out Kai’s half naked body. She wants the opposite body of his. Slim, petite, a lil more of what she likes, soft. He’s marbled with muscle. He doesn't have tits and a nice ass or the hips to go with it, no curves or long smooth legs like a model. He’s not Sooyoung, no matter how hard Jinsoul tries to materialize the girl she’s craving in front of her.

His eyes aren't as beautiful as Sooyoung’s, his lips aren't thick enough, his nose isn’t as cute as Sooyoung’s that Jinsoul wants to kiss everytime the older girl smiles. “Hey,”  _ His voice doesn’t have the same rasp. _

“Hi,” Jinsoul will make it work though, for now. 

Kai steps to the side with a cute smile. Jinsoul rolls her eyes when the boy giggles, “finally changed your mind about round two blondie?”

“Don’t call me that.” 

“Oooh feisty today huh.” 

He shuts the door behind them and instantly grabs onto her hips, Jinsoul pushes him off, “ugh you’re such a pig!” Kai looks utterly offended and Jinsoul can’t help but laugh in his face, “you don’t want to offer me anything to drink or something?” 

Kai crosses his arms over his bare chest, “I thought you were here to fuck me?” 

“I am, but a girl can expect a little hospitality right?” Jinsoul sighs out while taking off her coat. Kai blinks at her before strodding off. The boy was a little too immature for her taste. But was easy to mess around with since he wasn’t the one that wanted to be tied down. Simply put it, he was perfect for the situation she was in.

Following him into the kitchen he pulls out a few bottles, “wine coolers? Anything else will make you sloppy.” 

Jinsoul sneers, “Fuck you.” 

“A little impatient, yeah?” Kai grins mischievously, Jinsoul wasn’t no light weight. 

After a few drinks she’s loosened up, “first of all, you’re the only one that won’t be weird about this.” Jinsoul points in the boy's face, “second of all, the only reason I slept with you in the first place was so that I could get closer to your brother. Not because I wanted you in particular.” 

Kai narrows his eyes, “what’s so special about him anyways.” Jinsoul smiles at that, Kai was very jealous after she got with Minho weeks after they banged. Not because he had feelings or anything, no it was because he hated Minho with a passion. 

“Daddy gives him more money doesn’t he? ‘Cause you wanna be in a boy band when he’s going to law school. He’s the model son while you’re the disappointment.” Jinsoul mocks him while downing the rest of her drink. Kai rolls his eyes and takes the bottle from her to throw away. Minho was for the money, if she picked Kai she wouldn’t have her beloved Triple Goose coat. “Of course I went with the one with deeper pockets, I gotta get my shopping done in some way, don’t I?

As he’s putting their bottles up he scoffs, “you didn’t have to be so mean about it.” 

Jinsoul licks her lips, “you know I don’t put up with bullshit Kai.” Standing up she struts over to him, making sure to put more sway to her hips, “that’s exactly why I broke up with your brother.” Jinsoul wraps her hands around the back of his neck, “and it’s why you need to shut up and take me upstairs.” 

Kai kisses her and Jinsoul finds that gagging is hard to resist. What was it with him and tasting so bad? Sooyoung tasted sweet and minty. Jinsoul’s mouth watered when she thought about it. His lips were too rough. It wasn’t nearly as gentle as Sooyoung. 

The thing about having sex with guys that Jinsoul hates is that she’s never in control. Yeah, she can say faster or harder. But ultimately as long as they’re going at it, the guy will finish no matter what...Jinsoul however is often left feeling quite bored and a little gross. The only time she feels in power is when she doesn’t let them finish, pushing them off right before they reach the peak. Somehow that was the best part.

It’s never satisfying and while Jinsoul’s had good lovers. There was always something missing, something that doesn’t feel complete when she actually finishes. It’s disappointing. 

But sometimes she has to swallow that pride just to get by, if not, she’d be incredibly lonely. Jinsoul can’t live without the attention. Can’t live without being wanted. She’s led upstairs and into Kai’s messy but large bedroom. The blonde sits on the edge of the bed and points at the boy's body. 

Jinsoul starts to feel a little sick in her stomach, “strip pretty boy.” Kai smiles at her and starts to take off his pants. As soon as she sees his junk she screams bloody murder, “YUCK PUT IT AWAY!” Kai tries to jerk his underwear back up but trips on his jeans. Jinsoul screeches even louder when the naked boy falls on top of her, “EW GET OFF ME!” 

Kai is shoved off forcibly and he’s ass up on the floor now while Jinsoul covers her eyes. She guesses the glimpse of his junk reminded her that this wasn’t Sooyoung for the final time. Jinsoul couldn’t go through with it, to Sooyoung, it wouldn’t be fair to do this.

Jinsoul peaks between her fingers that were covering her face, Kai was struggling to put his pants back on. Huffing and puffing as he does so, “a simple no would have enough...now I’m just embarrassed.” 

The blonde can’t help but giggle, “I’m sorry Kai.” The boy rolls over onto his butt after he gets his pants back over on his hips. He blows a piece of his hair out of his face, Jinsoul thinks it’s adorable how red he is. “You do have a cute ass though.” 

Kai rolls his eyes, “shut up Jung.” They stare at each other for a moment, then burst out into laughter. Jinsoul’s known Kai for a long time, longer than Minho. So she knows the boy doesn’t have any bad feelings towards her. After the laughter dies down she begins to twiddle her thumbs.

“I can’t do this, I, um.” For the first time, Jinsoul stutters in front of Kai. His smirk morphs into a frown, clearly concerned.

Jinsoul’s thankful when he reaches up to grab her knee. Kai was a jerk, but he was one of the good ones. “Hey, I understand. I’m actually glad you changed your mind.” 

Wait, what did that mean? “Are you saying I’m bad in bed?” Jinsoul was very aware of just how good she was. She wasn’t going to let some guy say she wasn’t. Plenty of times she’s been told she was the best they’ve ever had.

“No...that’s the problem. I’m kinda fucking Xiaojun right now and it would make things weird, but hey how could I pass up on some good pussy.” Jinsoul’s face slowly contorts to anger and Kai is the one to scream like a girl when she slaps him in the back of the head. Apparently Kai wasn’t as good as she thought. He was still that same player, Xiaojun was still that idiot.

Pulling on his hair she seethes, “you jerk! Why would you even agree to have sex with me when you know how he feels about you!” Kai is borderline whining as she scolds him.

Letting go she stands up to put her hands on her hips, waiting for the explanation, “I just told you I wouldn’t pass up-”

“Don’t finish that sentence if you wanna live.” 

Kai rubs at the back of his head, not daring to look up at Jinsoul, “I was joking, jeez get a sense of humor.”

Jinsoul rolls her eyes and flops back down onto his bed, “I have one, you’re just not as funny as you think you are.” Kai deflates, knowing he was wrong. That’s what he likes about Jinsoul, that she was so honest and real sometimes. The other thing about Jinsoul, was that she wore her emotions proudly, she was easy to read. Kai could tell something was bothering her. It’s why she’s here, Jinsoul never has sex sober unless she’s upset. 

“Hey Soul?” The blonde is staring at the wall and she hums, Kai takes it as an invitation to ask, “what’s really going on?” 

Jinsoul snorts, was she really that obvious? “Kai, could you maybe not be an asshole for like five minutes and hear me out?”

The boy bounces up to his feet and plops down beside her. Jinsoul doesn’t even shove him away when he throws an arm over her shoulder, “tell me what’s on your mind. You know I don’t like it when my girl is upset.” 

Jinsoul picks at the hem of her skirt. She didn’t realize how strong her feelings for Sooyoung were until now. “I like someone. I like them so much I can’t stand it.” 

It’s silent for a few seconds, and then Kai starts to rant, “say what? Jung Jinsoul likes someone? Pinch me I must be dreaming!” Jinsoul rolls her eyes and pinches at his waist. He was just trying to make her feel better by acting goofy. “The so-called maneater actually caught feelings for someone, this is breaking news for everyone you know?”

“Kai.”

“I mean everyone thought you was some heartless gold digger, you know how rejoiced they’ll be when they find out you’re falling for some lame schmuck?” Jinsoul grimaces at the terms, it’s only a few of the names she’s been called. People couldn’t stand her perfection, so they tried to make her out to be a horrible person. But Kai’s got it all wrong, he doesn’t understand why Jinsoul never loved anyone before, doesn’t know why she used guys until she broke their heart. She was a femme fatale turned…idiot, she was absolute idiot for Sooyoung.

“Kai…”

“Who’s the lucky guy who stole my little Soul’s heart?” Jinsoul hates the word steal. Sooyoung isn’t stealing anything, Jinsoul’s giving it to her willingly unafraid of the consequences or chances of betrayal. She wants Sooyoung to have her heart.

Jinsoul takes a deep breath, Kai is smiling at her clearly excited, she hopes the energy is the same after she admits the twist, “it’s not a guy.”

Kai’s smile drops, only because he’s confused. Until it clicks, “oh shit.” Jinsoul cringes into herself when Kai takes his arm off his shoulder, “a girl?” Jinsoul closes her eyes and nods. “I fucking knew it!” 

Opening her eyes she glares a hole through Kai’s head who was celebrating, “wait, hey! What do you mean you knew it!”

Kai stops his little hip dance to laugh in her face, “oh come on Jinsoul you hate dudes with a passion, you even screamed when you saw my weiner! It makes total sense that you’re into chicks!” Jinsoul scoffs, she couldn’t believe it was that obvious. “Hey, I don’t mind at all, if anything that just makes you one hundred times hotter.” 

Jinsoul narrows his eyes and Kai realizes his mistakes, “so you do wanna die huh?”

The boy falls down to his knees and bows, “I’m sorry I meant to say that it’s really beautiful that you’re in love with a girl.” Jinsoul blushes, her in love? Please she wasn’t that deep...yet. Her heart flutters at the mention of Sooyoung. God, maybe she did have it that bad. Kai raises back up, “in all seriousness, I’m happy for you Jinsoul. You gotta have a lot of guts to admit something like that.” 

“Thanks weirdo,” Jinsoul smiles, she was happy too, finally finding someone that makes her feel this way.

Kai leans back onto his elbows on the floor, “do I know her? Is she pretty? Oh man, does she treat you right because if she-” Jinsoul listens to the bombardment of questions before silencing him. 

“I want to be with her, for a very long time.” Jinsoul answers. It should cover all the questions he asked. Jinsoul’s never been a consistent lover, but with Sooyoung she wants to try. “But she...well, it’s complicated.”

“Oh...what kinda complicated.” Jinsoul thinks for a moment. Sooyoung’s still a mystery to her. “Hey, Soul, whatever it is you don’t have to tell me.” Jinsoul glances up from where she was staring into her hands, “but when have you ever given up on something?” 

Kai raises up on his feet and holds out his hand for Jinsoul to take, “why is it different now? Don’t you always get what you want?” Taking his hand she’s lifted up. Jinsoul didn’t realize she needed a hug until Kai was giving her one, “if she’s the one you want, you need to try your hardest to show her that.

Jinsoul sighs and hugs Kai back. She didn’t know that was what she needed to hear that. “I think I’m starting to fall for her.”

“Then make her catch you when you do.” Jinsoul bites her lip to avoid the tears building behind her eyes. That’s exactly what makes this so complicated. She doesn’t know if Sooyoung will be there when she does.

Jinsoul doesn’t know if Sooyoung wants her to fall at all.

But Kai is right about one thing.

Sooyoung will be hers.

~~~~

Sooyoung glances at the girl in her bed. She’s already sleeping, her blonde hair splayed out overcross the pillow. Sooyoung can’t stand to look at her long enough. It isn’t the right shade of yellow, that girl’s hair. It isn't silky nor golden. 

It’s not Jinsoul.

Wrapping a robe over her naked body she steps out onto the balcony of her apartment. Sooyoung’s met with the night’s cold air and she stumbles over to an old flower pot. Shuffling through the dead plant she pulls out her cigarettes.

Not all habits die hard she guesses, shoving one between her lips she lights the tip and inhales. Sooyoung just can’t quit. No matter how hard she tries…

She just can’t erase the scars. 

~~~~

The streets were a bit muggy from the rain earlier. Meaning Jinsoul was spending her time dodging potholes and puddles. She was following Sooyoung again, they had fought at the arcade just an hour ago and well, Jinsoul wasn’t ready to say goodbye yet. 

It wasn’t a serious fight, Jinsoul was just being a sore loser and Sooyoung was a bit grouchy from work. The older girl had packed her bags and left without a word. Jinsoul hated when Sooyoung would try to ghost her, ignoring her no matter how many times she called out her name.

“Stupid freaking asshole.” Jinsoul mutters under her breath as she trails after Sooyoung. She can’t keep a close eye on the back of the girl’s head  _ and  _ keep her leather boots clean. Jinsoul was so pissed, and at the same time couldn’t help it. “Thinks she can just dump me whenever.”

Sooyoung’s pretending she doesn’t exist right now and it absolutely kills her. She was drawn to Sooyoung like a moth to a flame. Jinsoul’s too afraid to get close right now though, the heat might consume her.

Stopping at a puddle she watches it ripple, Sooyoung was storming through them while she carefully stepped over them. The red glow mesmerizes Jinsoul, she waits for color that was disrupted by Sooyoung’s steps to form back into the lettering it previously was. The water calms and Jinsoul reads the sign above backwards since it was mirrored from the reflection. 

_ Do not enter. _

Glancing up she’s surprised Sooyoung hasn’t left her in the dust. The older girl is standing there with her bag thrown over her shoulder. One hand in the pocket of her worn out jeans, the other flicking a metal lighter on and off. It’s a warning it’s self. She shouldn’t force her way into Sooyoung’s heart. 

She should wait until Sooyoung gives her the green light.

The sign that was reflected in the rain puddle is right above Sooyoung’s head. The red glow emphasizes the intensity of the older girl’s stare, it’s fierce and chilling at the same time. Jinsoul’s never been so attracted to something that could potentially hurt her. 

Around them, the city continues to spur to life. Voices from every direction going wherever to party the rest of the night. Sirens whip around here and there, racing to scenes of misfortune. The soft buzz of the few signs around them. 

All Jinsoul can focus on is the rhythm between Sooyoung’s fingers. How she keeps flicking that lighter on and off. It’s a force of habit of Sooyoung’s when she gets nervous. Jinsoul wonders what she’s done to make Sooyoung uneasy.

Jinsoul walks around the puddle that was still reflecting the sign. Sooyoung waits for her at the alleyway filled with darkness. “Are you gonna keep following me?” 

Sooyoung’s voice is on edge so Jinsoul shrugs, “yup, if you keep ignoring me I will.”

“You’re a borderline stalker you know?” Stepping right up to Sooyoung she stares right up into the eyes that were trying to kill her. 

Jinsoul bites her lip, “I don’t care.” Rolling her head away she tries to distract herself by watching a group of teenagers walking the streets, “I didn’t say you could leave the arcade yet.”

“Oh so I have to have your permission.” Sooyoung mocks.

“Yes, in fact you do.” Jinsoul doesn’t care where Sooyoung goes, she’ll be right behind her. It’s been like that from the beginning. She can’t leave Sooyoung alone. Jinsoul’s never satisfied and it just makes it worse when Sooyoung doesn’t give her the attention that she wants. Like right now, when she wishes Sooyoung would have stayed at the arcade and argued with her instead of walking away. Sooyoung makes her blood boil in the best possible way and Jinsoul simply can’t get enough.

Whether they’re fighting or kissing each other until they run out of breath. Jinsoul wants to be around Sooyoung. 

Sooyoung is so mean however.. Jinsoul knows she’s in a bad mood when the older girl doesn’t even get angry. When all she feels is that icy tension oozing from the older girl’s aura, it’s scary yet alluring. Sooyoung doesn’t want to entertain her right now but Jinsoul’s not up for going home without a show. 

Jinsoul doesn’t expect Sooyoung to be the one that breaks the ice, “Jinsoul, it’s getting harder.” It isn’t like they’ve been in this boat before. Their contrasting ego’s clash, Sooyoung goes mute, she leaves Jinsoul still ranting behind. Jinsoul follows her home until Sooyoung either tells her off or walks into her building without saying goodnight.

“What is?”  _ Ignoring me?  _ Jinsoul knows that Sooyoung could really push her away if she wanted to, but the older girl doesn’t.

Sooyoung licks her lips and Jinsoul doesn’t hide the way she glances at them, “trying not to kiss you.” The blonde’s next breath doesn’t help the tightness in her chest. Looking up into Sooyoung’s eyes she knows her pupils must be as blown as the older girl’s. “So make it easy for me.” Jinsoul reaches to touch Sooyoung, but trembling hands stop her. Jinsoul wants to tell her it’s okay to give in. To promise Sooyoung that she isn’t afraid of this. “And stop doing things that make me want to.” Sooyoung’s jaw clenches as she murmurs out the words.

Jinsoul can feel the heat radiating off of Sooyoung’s body.  _ Almost...I’m almost there.  _ Jinsoul’s gotta hand it to herself. If she can do this to a cold-hearted player, then she can do just about anything. 

The blonde raises up on her tip-toes and presses a kiss to Sooyoung’s warm cheek. The older girl leans into it and Jinsoul almost forgets she’s supposed to be playing hard to get, “goodnight Sooyoung.” 

She doesn’t even acknowledge what Sooyoung said to her, knowing it will kill the girl even more. Sooyoung’s the type that hates when things aren’t handed to her. Jinsoul wants her to work for this.

Like she needs it.

Jinsoul leaves Sooyoung behind in the cold night. Slack jawed and wide eyed, craving more than just one tiny kiss. Jinsoul wasn’t the one being played anymore.

It was Sooyoung.

~~~~

Sooyoung’s on edge. 

There’s something about Jung Jinsoul that drives her absolutely crazy. That girl is going to kill her one way or another. Jinsoul pushes her buttons and can’t help but love every second of it. The blonde knows what she’s doing to her. 

Jinsoul’s not clueless and that’s what’s so dangerous about her. 

It isn’t easy resisting something she craves so bad. Jinsoul’s showing her just what she’s missing out on, what she could have if she simply gave in. The blonde is making one hell of a case and the temptation is almost impossible to ignore now, Sooyoung can’t stand it. 

If Sooyoung isn’t careful.

She’ll tip over the edge.

Looking at the girl above her, she squints, the drunk goggles aren't good enough tonight. This girl looks nothing like Jinsoul, not like anyone could compare to that girl anyways...but Sooyoung had to try right? “Can I call you Jinsoul? Is that okay?”

The girl above her who was stripping her shirt off raises a brow, “huh?”

Yeah she’s not Jinsoul. Nobody is Jinsoul to Sooyoung. “I’m gonna call you Jinsoul.” 

Sooyoung closes her eyes then and pretends that life isn’t so complicated. Jinsoul asks her to be her lover and she says yes. But it isn’t that simple. There’s that part where Jinsoul could turn around and stab her in the back when Sooyoung was her weakest. When she was so in love with the blonde she wouldn’t think twice before forgiving Jinsoul for ripping her heart out.

Oh Sooyoung’s so scared. 

She’s scared of this feeling Jinsoul gives her, it’s the best she’s ever had. The girl above her kisses around her breasts and Sooyoung sighs, running her fingers through dark hair. “You can call me whatever you like baby, if it helps you finish.” Sooyoung squeezes her eyes shut tighter, this girl’s voice was nothing like Jinsoul’s. The girl kisses lower and lower. Sooyoung can’t help but whine at the sensation of lips against her.

Sooyoung loses herself in the fantasy. 

~~~~

Jinsoul is swinging her feet in the air, writing in her diary. On the tv, reruns of Jem and the holograms are playing and Jinsoul hums along to the music. Jinsoul’s incredibly bored, she’s all prepared for her next D&D match. She’s painted her nails to perfection. She’s done her facial. She’s got her hair in rollers and well...there isn’t much left to do.

So for now, she’s just writing in her diary.

_ Ha Sooyoung is so stupid...stupidly cute. _

Jinsoul giggles at herself as she doodles Sooyoung’s face into the pages. Flipping her diary shut she raises up in her bed and stretches, squeaking whenever her back and muscles pop. Jinsoul’s content, she’s always been, but right now it’s different. Maybe it’s because she’s so love sick. Jungeun did say there was a new glow to her...while Jinsoul was usually gorgeous she was extra stunning lately. 

Shifting off her bed she flips around her room, she could always have a little solo dance session. Or she could practice her makeup. There was just literally nothing to do, “ugh I’m so freaking bored!” Jinsoul groans out into the ambience of noise. 

The blonde waits for something to happen, but it doesn’t. Nothing happens like it magically does in the movies. She’s still bored without shit to do. 

Flopping down to the floor she shifts through tv channels. She stops on a particular one, Jinsoul crawls up to the screen and holds both sides with trembling hands. Even though her tv was old...and there were shifts of static through it every second, what was on the screen was nothing but perfection.

It was her favorite rising pop-star, Yukika. Jinsoul pouts up, the television was so fuzzy. Bopping the top of it a few times it doesn’t help at all with the quality. “How can she be this perfect?” Pressing her face almost to the screen she watches the girl’s music video intently. It’s over way too soon and Jinsoul wishes she could just slip through the screen and be right there in front of Yukika.

The song fades out and another voice stutters into the speakers, “ _ if you want to hear more of Soul Lady tune in live! To 107.5 Block-Creative _ !” Scrambling to her radio she quickly turns to the appropriate station, she squeals when she hears it’s her favorite song playing.

Laying down on her floor she closes her eyes, letting her mind play various scenarios of her and Sooyoung. The music playing just made the fantasizing more dreamy. Jinsoul doesn’t know how long it’s been, but she’s interrupted by the phone ringing. 

Not bothering to open her eyes she stretches from where she was laying to grab the land-line of her night stand. Her phone was pink and littered with stickers. Putting the phone up to her ear she twirls the cord around her finger. “Hiiii Jinsoul speaking,” the blonde sing-songs out, not really knowing who was calling her but she wouldn’t doubt if it was Jiwoo or Yoojung.

“ _ Hey princess _ .”

Jinsoul’s eyes snap open at the velvety voice. Jumping up to stand she squeaks out, “Sooyoung!?” 

“ _ That’s my name, don't wear it out _ .”

The blonde actually laughs at that, Jinsoul can’t believe how much of a loser she’s become because of this girl. “God that was so lame.” 

She squeezes the phone hearing Sooyoung’s giggles, “ _ yeah yeah, if it was so lame then why’d you laugh _ ?”

Rolling her eyes Jinsoul has to bite the smile off her lips, “because I felt bad, you must have used all your brain power for that one.” Sooyoung softly groans at the reply and Jinsoul wishes she could record the noise.

“ _ Oh whatever...if you’re gonna be like that I guess you don’t wanna go out tomorrow night.”  _

Jinsoul freezes. Go out? As in like a date? Sooyoung wants to take her out on a date? “Wait really you wanna take me out?”

“ _ Just you and me.”  _

So it is a date...kind of. Jinsoul knows neither of them will acknowledge it as one but a girl can dream right? She wonders if Sooyoung dreams about this stuff as well. “Ha Sooyoung...are you trying to get fresh with me?” Jinsoul teases, ignoring the rules that Sooyoung made. She just wants to make sure if Sooyoung’s being serious about this or not. If she’s reading too much into this because of her feelings.

Sooyoung basically rambles out, “ _ what? No no, um I mean if you-no it’s I just want to do something nice for you that’s all. I…”  _

“Aww babe! That’s so sweet of you, I’d love to go out!” Jinsoul coos into the speaker, cutting off Sooyoung’s embarrassing stumble of words. She hears a breathless sigh over the line. She wonders if Sooyoung’s heart is pumping as hard as hers is. 

Sooyoung’s tone is not as confident as before, but endearing nonetheless, “ _ really? I mean of course, that’s great!”  _ Sooyoung clears her throat to deepen it, her voice so high-pitched, “ _ Great yeah perfect.”  _ Jinsoul smiles at the awkwardness. 

“Did you think I’d say no?”

_ “Maybe, but I was hoping you wouldn’t. I don’t know if I could bounce back from a heartbreak like that.”  _

Jinsoul clenches at the fabric of her night gown. God, Sooyoung could be such a sweet-talker sometimes she couldn’t handle it. “I’ll make sure to wear something real pretty for you.” Jinsoul realizes they’re full on flirting now but she doesn’t care. She wants Sooyoung to know how much she likes her. Wants her to know that she tries just for her.

_ “That shouldn’t be too hard, you’re always pretty.”  _

“Shut up…” The connection of their laughs fill the speakers. Jinsoul cheeks are fully red now, her shaky hand twisting strands of her hair between her fingers.

“ _ I’ll see you tomorrow then?”  _ Sooyoung asks.

“Can’t wait...you better not be late.” 

“ _ Or what? _ ”

“Just don’t be, okay?” Jinsoul groans out, although she’s got a shit-eating grin on her face.

“ _ I’m twisting ya blondie, I wouldn't be late for anything.” _

Jinsoul sighs at that, glad she wouldn’t have to use her claws on Sooyoung. They share their good nights and Sooyoung’s the first to hang up. As soon as she does Jinsoul holds the phone to her chest and starts to run in place. 

Bounce all the way around her room she squeals out like a schoolgirl, “NO FREAKING WAY!!!”

Ha Sooyoung just totally asked her out.

Jinsoul had butterflies galore in her tummy. She spins around and gets all tangled up in her phone cord but doesn’t care. All she can think about is how bad her crush is on Sooyoung. She finally feels like a normal girl. 

“Oh my gosh I have to pick something cute out!” Jinsoul trips on her way to her closet, before rummaging through it in a panicked state.

She’s never been so excited.

~~~~

Sooyoung’s first kiss was with a boy. She doesn’t know why she’s thinking about it right now. She’d rather be gagged with a spoon than to ever kiss but a girl ever again.

It was at that moment she realized she wasn’t exactly normal. 

Wasn’t like it was a bad kiss, just not what she wanted. When she closed her eyes she imagined this girl in her class.

Sooyoung remembers leaning forward...already scrunching her nose up. She was 14, pressured to get her first kiss in since all her friends had. All they talked about boys and Sooyoung was annoyed most of the time. She just didn’t understand why, until she kissed him. Sooyoung knew then why she felt uneasy when her friends talked about boys. Because all she thought about was girls. 

This time though, the memory is different. 

Much different.

When Sooyoung presses her lips to his, they’re plump, warm. Her features relax and she leans into the kiss. She realizes it’s not a memory, she never leaned in, she pulled away quickly and ran away.

Now she’s throwing her arms around his shoulders and holding him close. The hair she tangles her hands in is soft, almost silky. The body she’s wrapped around is smaller than she remembers to be.

She’s dreaming.

The kiss is freakishly similar to one she’s had before. Sooyoung tilts her head and smiles into it. Nothing but happiness forces its way into her veins. She lets it, Sooyoung willingly leaves her chest wide open for anyone to take the heart that once belonged to her. 

Pulling away, her heart catches in her throat. “ _ Sooyoung, it’s so cute _ .” 

Sooyoung wants to pass out. Since when was Jung Jinsoul her first kiss? In the sun, the blonde’s eyes are like dark honey. Her touch is warmer than the air around them. Sooyoung doesn’t know what this feeling is, why she wants to cling to Jinsoul like she was her only chance at life. 

She just knows she never wants it to stop.

“ _ What’s cute? _ ”

Jinsoul laughs and it’s Sooyoung’s favorite melody. She starts to laugh too because Jinsoul makes her feel like an idiot. Makes her forget about all the bad things in the world because the blonde is so perfect. 

She’s what heaven must be like. “ _ How much you love me, it’s cute _ .” Without her, it’s like hell. Without Jinsoul, it’s nothing but pure torture. Sooyoung only wants it to be them, their own little place where no one else could come, where they only had to speak in whispers. After all, Sooyoung only wanted Jinsoul. Only needed her and that look she always gave, just for her. Those eyes that glowed just for her.

Sooyoung feels something wet on her tummy, she can’t take her eyes off Jinsoul though. She doesn’t want to miss a second of her. Jinsoul’s just too beautiful to look away from.

The blonde’s features are bright, her smile is shining. They quickly darken in concern, “ _ Sooyoung _ ?” She’s forced to look down, when she does her scar is reopened...or no, it’s a fresh cut. Deeper than it had ever been. Jinsoul tries to stop the blood spilling out but she can’t, Sooyoung pushes her away before she can even try.

Sooyoung wakes up gasping for air. Immediately touching her scar and relieved to find it’s sealed. Sinking back into her pillow she sighs, this bed is just too big for her.

She wants someone to hold her.

Actually not just someone, she knows exactly whose arms she wishes she was in right now. A certain blonde with the ability to make her smile in an instant. The girl who was adorable even when she was being a literal demon. Jung Jinsoul, who Sooyoung was absolutely smitten for.

The dream she had was just what she was afraid of. Sooyoung was so scared of falling for her because she can’t control it. The last time she let feelings out of her grasp and the responsibility of someone else she ended up with a wound she couldn’t scrub away.

Jinsoul was different though.

She felt safe.

~~~~

You guys I’m so afraid of ruining this story! So please hang on with me okay... no one throw tomatoes at me.

Weekly updates are back, I’m almost done writing this story! Depending on how I want to end it…

Lots of love~ Hope you all enjoy reading!

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	18. Give you my heart to break

Pacing in her room, Jinsoul is starting to become impatient. She can’t really keep a smile off her face, giggling menacingly while tapping her fingers together. Jinsoul’s got her outfit picked out, steamed five times in totals to make sure every wrinkle is gone. Her makeup is lined up in perfect order, her jewelry laid out as well. Jinsoul made sure to clean her heels a few times just to make sure everything was in tip top shape.

Being this extra isn’t unusual for her, Jinsoul’s always been a perfectionist, this is the first time however she wanted nothing lacking for someone else. She’s always dressed her best for herself, never to impress anyone. Sooyoung was an exception though. Jinsoul wanted that girl’s jaw to drop on the floor and drag whenever she saw her. 

Jinsoul’s always loved people worshipping her, Sooyoung was a tough case, it was like breaking tooth and nail to that girl to even glance her way. But things are changing...Jinsoul thinks Sooyoung’s beginning to fall into her orbit. This time, when usually she ignores the person crushing on her, she won’t turn away from Sooyoung.

She can’t wait for the moment when Sooyoung gives in.

Laying in her bed, she snuggles into her pillow. The one she’s been screaming into the last hour because she was so excited. 

“Oh Sooyoung…”

Jinsoul quickly falls to sleep, dreaming only of a particular girl.

~~~~

It’s a beautiful day for Jung Jinsoul, as she struts down the street, all eyes are on her. She waves at most people that are staring at her, but there’s so many she can’t acknowledge all her admirers. Some give her strange looks, wondering why she’s smiling so big, others are in awe from her beauty. Jinsoul flips her hair and picks up her step, heels clicking down on the pavement in a rhythm.

Standing in front of the arcade, Jinsoul digs through her purse and pulls out a mirror and her lipgloss, reapplying it; she pops her lips a few times and fixes a strand of her hair. Jinsoul pats herself down a few times, getting any crinkles out of her clothes or a stray hair. Taking a whiff of herself, she smells like the perfume Sooyoung got her, she hopes it’s the girl’s favorite. That’s why she bought it right?

Stepping into the smelly area she hates that her red bottoms have to touch the grimey carpet of the arcade. She isn’t sure if that’s a yellow triangle she sees, or a perfectly shaped nacho cheese stain. Just about everyone stares at her, all heads turn in her direction. All the regulars are drooling over her.

Of course, the person she wants attention from is ignoring her. It’s funny, the girl who everyone wants, wants the one person who doesn’t want her. Jinsoul guesses that’s a part of her obsession with Sooyoung, she’s never met someone so uninterested in her. Or at least she thought so, Sooyoung just knew how to hide it.

Rolling up to Sooyoung she clears her throat, some people are peeking behind arcade games just to keep stealing glances at her. The whole arcade is focused on her, and Jinsoul doesn’t blame them, she looks amazing right now.

Sooyoung doesn’t notice her presence, or is choosing to ignore it. Either way, it irritates Jinsoul to no end. “Hi loser,” Sooyoung doesn’t even blink, too focused on the game in front of her. She’s popping that gum again and Jinsoul resists the urge to shove it down her throat so she’ll choke on it. 

Jinsoul watches her chew on it, sitting in that damn stool, one hand presses the buttons, the other holding her chin that was propped up. Sooyoung seems bored out of her mind and Jinsoul had a solution, only if she freaking looked at her. Jinsoul shuffles a little closer, so that she’s practically breathing down Sooyoung’s neck.

“Hey barbie,” Sooyoung nonchalantly replies, blowing a bubble and popping it again. Jinsoul couldn’t believe Sooyoung hadn’t even looked at her yet. Was the game that more important?

“Can you like...stop playing.” Jinsoul tries her best to not sound angry, but she’s seething through her teeth. Sooyoung smirks and Jinsoul knows the girl is doing it on purpose now. Of course the game wasn’t better than her, Sooyoung just loved to push her buttons. 

“Nah, just let me finish this game real quick.” Jinsoul crosses her arms, wishes she had some kind of supernatural power to make that chair Sooyoung was sitting in to disappear so she’d bust her ass falling down. 

Jinsoul rolls her eyes while waiting and turns around to see a group of boys looking at her. Smiling she winks at them, making them jump from shock and quickly turn back to their games. Their ears are red, at least she had an effect on someone in here. Glancing at the work counter she sees that Taeyong is working, they mutually flip each other off, Jinsoul even gives him a double finger. 

Sooyoung finally finishes and turns to her, the girl’s eyes widen in the slightest and she shoots up from her chair, knocking it over in the process. It’s very embarrassing, Jinsoul snorts, “very cool of you Sooyoung.”

Sooyoung’s blood red in the face, ears red and rosy cheeks, “shut up.” 

“Like what you see?” Jinsoul teases, Sooyoung glances away, it was obvious that she  _ really  _ liked what she saw. Sooyoung only took about three seconds before she freaked out and sprouted up like a tree. 

Jinsoul pokes her tummy and the girl whines. She got what she wanted, it wasn’t anything like the drooling, but Sooyoung did act like she was going to pass out. Jinsoul found it adorable. “Yeah, you look...um nice.”

Rolling her eyes she’ll take the compliment gratefully, she knows she looked more than just nice. But Sooyoung was having some medical problems right now, high blood pressure, system shock, maybe stroke. All that. 

Jinsoul was wearing a matching pink two piece. The skirt was a bit short, pencil thin and framed her hips and thighs perfectly. The top piece was her favorite however, the front twisted into a bow shape leaving most of her waist exposed while the sleeves were puffy with angular shoulders. With it she wore matching white heels and a white headband, her hair was stick straight. She was saving it for a special occasion, but she considered this very special.

Sooyoung deserved to see her at her best. 

Playing with the pearls on her neck it seems Sooyoung wore her best as well. A tan skirt with the matching baggy blazer, only a tank top for the undershirt, Jinsoul knows one thing as she smiles mischievoulsy, she was very much liking what she seen.

Sooyoung notices where she’s staring and covers her breast up by crossing her arms. Jinsoul pouts up, “hey I was looking at those you know.” Sooyoung apparently had a vendetta against bra’s since she never wore one, and with that thin tank top...Jinsoul got to witness something very pleasing to her.

“Pervert.” 

“So?” Jinsoul raises a brow. Sooyoung’s glaring at her but there’s also a blush on her cheeks. “I’m pretty sure they were happy to see me anyway.” Jinsoul comments and Sooyoung’s makes an offended expression. The blonde giggles, it was pretty hot today, so Sooyoung couldn’t blame her headlights on the weather. 

“You little…”

Sooyoung tries to push her but Jinsoul smack her hand away with her bag, “no touching, I’m very expensive right now.”

Jinsoul backs away as Sooyoung follows after her, a smirk slowly growing on the girl’s face, “oh really?” 

“Yes, this is Lacroix you peasant,” the blonde replies while hitting Sooyoung’s grubby hands away from her again. “Stop trying to catch a feel.” Sooyoung was just playing on a very nasty surface. And well, Sooyoung was just gross in general...personality wise, physically Sooyoung always smelled fresh, like some sort of fruit. 

“Who?” 

Jinsoul scoffs, it was unbelievable how square Sooyoung was, “a very important designer.” 

Sooyoung rolls her eyes but then her smirk grows into a full, devilish smile. “I won’t touch the clothes, just you baby.” Jinsoul screams in horror as the older girl steps closer to her, the arcade had stopped paying attention to them, it was just a regular occurrence now. Whenever Sooyoung and Jinsoul were together nothing or anyone else existed. 

“God you’re like an animal!” Jinsoul holds her bag out straight, keeping Sooyoung at bay. Though she tried to pretend she was disgusted by the suggestion, she couldn’t bite her lip hard enough to keep the smile off her face.

Sooyoung backs away, “fine you win.” Jinsoul puffs her chest up in victory but then squeals when Sooyoung swoops her up in her arms anyway. Jinsoul grumbles and leans her face away as Sooyoung coos, “see, your clothes are just fine.” 

Blushing, Jinsoul doesn’t dare to look at Sooyoung, “let go of me.” Sooyoung’s holding her gently, pulling her closer every time she wiggles back. She curses Sooyoung for wearing heels too, for once she wanted to be the taller one. She can’t stand the way Sooyoung looks down on her. 

“Why would I do that?” Sooyoung asks in a softer voice, and the grip she has on the older girl’s upper arms become tighter, “it feels too nice with you close.”

Sooyoung’s an asshole, Jinsoul thinks. How can she make such rules then say things like that. It was like she was wanting Jinsoul to croak over and die. “Get real.” The blonde mumbles as Sooyoung teases her with a smile. 

Jinsoul tosses the side eye to Sooyoung who was getting closer and closer to her, “god you look beautiful.” Sooyoung’s a breath away so Jinsoul moves her hands away from the girl’s upper arms to press against her shoulder. Sooyoung’s eyes are hooded almost as if she’s in a trance. 

“Yeah whatever, I know.” Jinsoul sighs while trying to keep her hands steady, she resists the urge to drag them lower, so that she could feel the smoothness of Sooyoung’s skin. Instead she fixes the girl’s blazer, her breath stutters when she accidentally brushes her fingers across Sooyoung’s collarbones. Sooyoung’s wearing all gold, she counts four necklaces one long enough to stretch between the girl’s breasts. 

Jinsoul likes being the reason Sooyoung gets caught in a daze. “I don’t think you do.” Sooyoung whispers out, seriously. Jinsoul knows she’s perfect, but not in the way Sooyoung sees it. It’s the older girl’s own special definition of it, Jinsoul wonders if Sooyoung sees her as an angel, or maybe as a devil in disguise.

It could be both, Jinsoul doesn’t like to stick to one title.

“Come on, let’s get out of here.” 

Sooyoung tells her while dragging her by the elbow. Jinsoul bounces on her feet as she’s pulled away, purse in one hand swinging alone with her. Sooyoung glares at anyone who dares to look at the blonde. Jinsoul only waves at them apologetically, it wasn't their fault that she was their fantasy come true. Still, Jinsoul can’t help but melt at Sooyoung’s possessiveness. 

She’s dreams of the day Sooyoung will call her  _ my girl.  _

~~~~

“Where are we going?”

“Somewhere.” 

“And where is that?” 

Sooyoung rolls her eyes and laughs, “You know you should try this one thing, it’s like super popular right now. All the cool kids are doing it.” Glancing at Jinsoul she cuts her laughing off when she sees that the blonde is not amused in the slightest bit. Sooyoung has her suit jacket in one hand, the other is clinging onto Jinsoul’s upper arm as she guides her through the streets.

Jinsoul huffs, “What? What could it possibly be?” Sooyoung loves being around Jinsoul, other people would probably have a heart attack after being exposed to such a bad attitude for a certain amount of time. But Sooyoung feels like she’d die without the bite to Jinsoul’s tone. 

“Shutting up for once in your life.” Sooyoung stares at the blonde for a reaction, it takes a few seconds but Jinsoul’s cute face puffs up into anger. It doesn’t make her look menacing like she means it to be, Sooyoung only thinks it’s incredibly adorable. 

Jinsoul is like a puppy to her, all bark and no bite. She knows the blonde really isn’t as nasty as some of her insults. Jinsoul was secretly selfless, and cared about Sooyoung more than she put out. Of course, Sooyoung realized this after a while and she wishes Jinsoul was as vain as she looked.

Then maybe she could give into her desires, and end up breaking Jinsoul’s heart in the end. Now, Sooyoung couldn’t even begin thinking about hurting this girl.

The blonde groans, “Fuck you.”

“Awe you wish.” Sooyoung winks and gets her satisfaction with how the blonde’s skin starts to boil under her palm. 

Jinsoul jerks away from her, “You’re so stupid.” Sooyoung gets lost in Jinsoul’s profile, how perfect it is, the white headband she was wearing makes her ears stick out more than usual. Sooyoung doesn’t even think as she reaches to pinch one of them, rubbing her thumb across the shell of it.

The blonde whines and slaps away from her, but the look on her face tells Sooyoung she didn’t entirely hate it. Sooyoung’s heart pumps out of her chest, she wonders what happened to protecting it like she used to.

If Jinsoul really wanted to, she could take it whenever. Sooyoung would let her without hesitation. 

Jinsoul shyly glances at her and then forces it down to the ground. Sooyoung blushes,  _ what an angel this girl is.  _ Sooyoung accidentally runs into someone while staring at Jinsoul. The guy curses her and keeps on walking, Sooyoung waves him off with a grimace and turns back to Jinsoul.

Now this was just unfair. Really, either Sooyoung was extremely lucky or unfortunate. Having a girl like  _ this _ look at her like  _ that _ . It had to be a blessing or a curse. Jinsoul is standing there innocently, switching back and forth on each heel. Her arms are folded in the front and her chin is tucked downward.

Jinsoul flutters her eyelashes, “you really need to watch where you’re going.”

“Oh? I would have, but I was kinda distracted.” 

The blonde walks away from her. Sooyoung follows, like the girl in love that she is. She’d never admit. How Jinsoul makes her flutter every time she calls out her name. Or how she swoons whenever she feels the blonde’s grip on her waist. Or how at every waking moment she wishes Jinsoul would hold her at night.

Sooyoung only watches Jinsoul for a while. She likes how confidently Jinsoul walks even though she has no idea where to go. Blonde hair sways and bounces, Jinsoul kinda sparkles in the sunlight. Like a diamond. 

Not being able to handle how long Jinsoul’s legs look in that skirt, seeming soft to the touch she races forward. “Hold my hand?” 

The blonde glances at her hand and then up into her eyes. Sooyoung starts to sweat a little under that gaze,  _ so pretty, how is she this pretty.  _ Jinsoul rolls those eyes and grabs her hand, lacing their fingers together.

People will think they’re just friends right?

Sooyoung couldn’t stand to check...if they were getting strange looks.

She just keeps her focus on Jinsoul’s eyes, long lashes and the shades of makeup she used today. A light pink around the middle and dark red in the corners. It makes her eyes look darker.

It’s easy to fall into them, too easy.

~~~

Right now, they’re passing over the water way, the bridge a bit arched so Sooyoung tugs her by the hand. At the top of it Sooyoung pokes fun at her, “what? Don’t tell me you’re that bad out of shape.” Jinsoul huffs and walks in front of the girl. Sooyoung was smirking while chewing her gum and just for an extra effort into pissing Jinsoul off, she blows a bubble and pops it right in the blonde’s face.

“Pop that gum one more time.”

“Or what?”

Narrowing her stare she scans the area, Jinsoul notices the railing, “I might….I might push you off this bridge.” It’s a weak threat but it’s good enough. The water below is all spillway and a bit of sewers, Sooyoung would rather not fall the three feet way into some shitty water. 

But Sooyoung of course calls her bluff, “Ohhh, but you won’t.” Sooyoung must have an obsession with her ears because she reaches up and rubs at them as they turn red from embarrassment. The sun is starting to set, the light slowly turns orange as it retracts from the streets, sparkling off the windows of buildings and sighs.

Jinsoul wonders where they’re going, and if Sooyoung’s making her walk all this way for nothing. “Whatever, do you have any more at least.” 

“Nope, just this piece.” Sooyoung mumbles and sticks the piece out and between her teeth.

Jinsoul gets the best idea, seeing that gum dangle between Sooyoung’s teeth. Quickly grabbing the girl’s jaw with a few fingers she grumbles when Sooyoung tries to pull away, “stand still or I really will push you off this bridge.” Sooyoung takes her threat more seriously this time. Jinsoul squishes the girl’s cheeks with her grip, _ oh how cute _ . Leaning onto her tippy toes she takes the gum out of Sooyoung’s mouth with her own teeth.

Hearing Sooyoung's breath hitch makes her skin tingle. 

She wishes she would have leaned in more...just so she’d feel Sooyoung’s lips against her own. But that would be breaking the rules, and she isn’t ready to face the consequences. Yet.

As she pulls away, Jinsoul snorts at Sooyoung’s face. The girl’s eyes are closed and everything. A rosy tint on the cheeks that Jinsoul was grabbing. Sooyoung flutters her eyes open and frantically looks around, but Jinsoul had checked that no one had seen her before leaning up. “That isn’t fair Jinsoul!”

Jinsoul smiles and starts to walk away. Sooyoung’s voice was three pitches higher, “what isn’t?” Jinsoul replies and flips her hair at Sooyoung. 

The girl in front of her looked like she was about to burst, “you know...ugh forget it.” Sooyoung tries to walk past her, but Jinsoul grabs her wrist.

“Sooyoung it’s adorable.”

Jinsoul’s being dared right now. Those eyes are daring her to do something, say anything. Sooyoung wants her to be the one to make the first move. Oh, Jinsoul’s too stubborn to do that, why should she just hand herself to Sooyoung. Isn’t that what every other girl has done? Sooyoung should be the one begging. She will be soon enough.

Jinsoul knows she’s too hard to resist.

“How bad you wanna kiss me right now.”

Sooyoung drags her away. 

~~~~

It’s always a competition between them, Jinsoul realizes. Sooyoung seems like she wants to lose though, at this little game they’re playing. Jinoul thinks the girl wants to be pushed towards the edge, wants to see just how much she can take. Jinsoul knows Sooyoung wants her, she knows she doesn’t want to commit to it. Commit to the feeling, commit to her. Commit to anything in her life.

Jinsoul will consume her eventually.

Sooyoung will want that.

~~~~

The city is so pretty at night. Jinsoul  _ ooo’s _ and  _ ahh’s _ at the skyscrapers lining the streets, she doesn’t come up this way often, too afraid and intimidated by everything. There’s too many lights and people. “This way.” Despite Sooyoung’s voice being so soft it she hears it through the constant mutter of the night life.

Jinsoul is dragged by her fingers and she sticks close to Sooyoung. Using her warmth as a way to not get lost in the cool streets of the city. There’s a lot of traffic, people and vehicles alike. They pass by a bunch of guys, leather coats and slick hair. Bikes as colorful as the signs shading them.

Sooyoung keeps her close, muttering random nonsense in her ear. It’s the first time Jinsoul doesn’t mind the bullshit. Because it’s the only thing that makes her feel comfortable. 

Jinsoul can nuzzle her face into the crook of Sooyoung’s neck. She lets the girl guide her wherever, she trusts Sooyoung. Jinsoul has always trusted Sooyoung even though everyone is telling her to run. 

She doesn’t want to run. When she can feel Sooyoung smile, her cheek pressing up tighter against her forehead. Sooyoung smiles a lot around her when she didn’t at first. Jinsoul thinks it’s progress. And at the same time, trouble. 

Jinsoul could get used to a smile like Sooyoung’s...so used to it she’ll want to have it be hers forever. She wants Sooyoung to smile for her, as long as they’re together. 

“I like it when you’re clingy.” Sooyoung says.

“As if.”

“I do. I like it a lot Jinsoul.” Sooyoung’s doesn’t have a lot of people close to her. A very small group. If they were previously, either Sooyoung pushed them away, making them hate her. Or they never liked her to begin with. Sooyoung didn’t realize just how many times she’s been heartbroken in her past, Jinsoul hasn’t done it once. Every piece of Sooyoung’s heart that’s crumbled, Jinsoul’s seemed to place stitches between the cracks. “I hate being alone.” Jinsoul pulls back just a bit, so that they’re face to face. Sooyoung’s eyes hold a lot more than they usually do. “But with you I think I’ll be just fine.”

“Yeah?” 

Sooyoung grabs her elbow to drag her down an alleyway. Jinsoul is about to complain about being manhandled but her jaw drops instead. It’s not just an alleyway, it’s a tiny street filled with neon signs and lights stringed across the two buildings. Jinsoul cranes her neck back as she looks at the network of power lines and laundry up above.

There’s an entire neighborhood in this small stretch of concrete. And when she brings her vision back down it’s just as pretty. There’s tiny bars and cafes every few yards, only screen doors for the entrances. It casts an orange light, from the dull ones of the miniature restaurants and bright ones from above. 

Jinsoul apparently is walking too slowly, because Sooyoung does grab her hand. Gasping at lithe fingers intertwined with her own, Jinsoul stares ahead at the most beautiful sight. Sooyoung is looking back at her while guiding her through the tight space of the backstreet. Time slows down just a little bit for her. 

Just so she can burn the image of the soft glow of Sooyoung’s skin into memory.

Jinsoul is dragged forward and Sooyoung whips her head back around. Her hair bounces with her step and Jinsoul can’t help but find it adorable. She squeezes Sooyoung’s hand in her own and follows her. After all, this time she isn’t chasing Sooyoung, the girl wants her to come along. Jinsoul likes the development. 

She likes that Sooyoung wants her around.

“Where are we going!” Jinsoul raises her voice since the world around them was a bit loud. Causing their voices to be muffled.

Sooyoung turns to her again and Jinsoul gets caught in that smile. The simple gesture of lips spreading across teeth shouldn’t be this heart stopping. But to Jinsoul it is. Her heart is dragging on the ground behind her.

“Somewhere you’ll like!” 

~~~~

“No freaking way!” Jinsoul squeals and takes both of Sooyoung’s hands in here, squeezing onto them for dear life.

The older girl just giggles, “yes way.”

It’s that new mall everyone’s talking about. Literally every store she could think of, a movie theater and oh my god there was even an arcade.

Jinsoul’s so eager to go in she starts to drag Sooyoung. The older girl is quick to stop her though, “I know you’re super excited an all and I promise to get you a few things but we’re kinda on a budget here.” Jinsoul freezes and looks up at the huge glowing sign, then down at the constant flow of people walking in and out of the entrance and finally turns to Sooyoung.

She looked nervous and a bit ashamed. 

Jinsoul shakes her head, god having a girl like this wrapped around her was a statement enough. She didn’t need bags full of designer to be happy. Sooyoung’s got her coat on again, so Jinsoul pulls her by the collar, down to where they’re eye level with each other.

“I’m not that shallow!” Jinsoul huffs and pulls the girl closer. “It’s you, you’re the one who makes me feel this way. I’m excited to spend time with you, not shopping.”

Sooyoung swallows a bit obviously, clearly affected by the words. Jinsoul knows she wasn’t expecting such an answer, “yeah?”

_ Sooyoung’s not used to being cared about like this.  _

Nodding she crosses her arms, “If you asked I’d hang out at a dump with you, that's how much you mean to me...because I’d rather die than to be seen hanging out at a dump. It doesn’t matter where we go, as long as I’m with you.” Jinsoul says while scanning her eyes down Sooyoung’s body. Yeah, it’s never been about the money with Sooyoung, Jinsoul wasn’t like one of those snot-nosed freaks that used to bully her for being poor, she hated people like that. She just liked pretty things, and they usually cost a bit of dough. Sooyoung was pretty too… it started out with wanting the attention from such a cold girl, but now, it’s so much more for Jinsoul. 

Sooyoung shyly laughs and looks away while brushing some of her hair behind her ear. Jinsoul wishes she was the one doing it. Just so she could touch Sooyoung even more.

“Am I clear?” 

The older girl bites her lip, “yes ma’am.”

Jinsoul can’t help but smile, dragging Sooyoung in by the hands.

The mall is gorgeous inside, the interior design is colorful and abstract and the first thing they see is a fountain. 

Oh and it’s crowded. Very, seriously crowded. Jinsoul figures out that Sooyoung doesn’t like crowds, judging by the way the girl clings to her arm with both hands. “Sheesh I guess this was everyone’s idea.”

Jinsoul snorts, “I mean it is Friday night. Maybe we can find a cute girl here for you and maybe me-“ The blonde was staring all over the place as she spoke but as soon as she locked her gaze with Sooyoung’s she shut up. That icy glare always makes her tremble. 

Sooyoung lowly mumbles, “yeah you can forget about boys.” So much for not being jealous, Jinsoul thinks. Sooyoung hated any idea of her being with a boy. Not like she really had to worry about that, Jinsoul only had heart eyes for one person, one girl. And that girl was right here beside her. 

“Who said I was thinking about boys.” Jinsoul teases. Sooyoung’s eyebrows raise in complete shock, “oh come on you can’t possibly think I’m fully straight after making out with you for god knows how long.” Jinsoul recalls the kiss for the 100th time, how Sooyoung would make a tiny noise everytime she deepened it. God she understood why guys were all over pretty girls now, they were addicting. 

The older girl squeezes her arm, tugging her closer with a sigh. “Straight girls kiss other girls all the time, that’s totally a phenomenon.” Sooyoung seriously thinks she’s straight. Wow, Jinsoul’s kind of offended at that. 

Instead she says to be brutally honest, “I think about a lot more than just kissing you.” Sooyoung doesn’t dare to look at her. The older girl’s eyes widen and her ears go red. Jinsoul is pretty sure she can see the panic set in. “What, you haven’t thought about it? Us having sex-“

“Don’t.” Sooyoung warns, her voice trembling a bit.

“Well I do, I think about it all the time. I even touch m-“

“Jinsoul for the love of god.”

The blonde giggles, she was so good at this. She was a shameless flirt after all. Sooyoung thought she was the pro at hitting on girls, well Jinsoul was the champion. “I’m joking jeez! Loosen up a bit Sooyoung you’re getting too worked up over something silly.” It is endearing however, how flustered Sooyoung is getting over some the words. Of course Jinsoul’s never touched herself while thinking of Sooyoung, yes she thought about doing it. A lot. But really she was just teasing the girl. “I’m just saying.”

“I thought we were trying to be friends.” Sooyoung sighs, still refusing to look at her.

Jinsoul licks at her lips, “a girl can dream can’t she?” 

The grip that Sooyoung has on her arm becomes tighter, “yeah she can.” Jinsoul glances at Sooyoung who said the words so low she could barely hear them. She wonders if they were even meant for her at all. 

Trying to cool herself down, Jinsoul stares at all the mall-goers. A lot of which are couples. Used to, Jinsoul didn’t know who she was jealous of more. The guy or the girl, now she definitely knew it was the guy. Who wouldn’t want a cute girl with them while shopping, it sounded like a complete dream to Jinsoul. She wanted to be surrounded by girls all the time.

Some guys are such knob-heads, Jinsoul knows what girls really want. She loved treating them like queens, Jinsoul couldn’t help herself sometimes. The blonde loved making girls smile and making them feel good. Her reputation with guys were bad, but well, the ladies loved her. She was herself around them, while the dudes she dated saw another side.

There was just something about the way they reacted to her words that made Jinsoul melt inside. Sooyoung was extra cute. Sometimes Jinsoul thought she was gonna die when she saw Sooyoung’s timid smile. 

Yeah, Jinsoul couldn’t help herself. “So what do you like more? Giving it or her giving it to you.” Jinsoul bites her lip after asking, Sooyoung’s whole body turns to stone. It goes rigid against hers so Jinsoul brings her other hand to lay it across one of Sooyoung’s. 

For someone who is a master at seduction, Sooyoung surely can’t take it when Jinsoul does it. “I’m not answering that.” Jinsoul snorts at how quickly Sooyoung speaks, so she tilts her head down, trying to get a good look at Sooyoung’s face.

The blonde uses her signature pout, putting extra emphasize on her brows.” Pleaseee tell me I wanna know oh Sooyoung I’m so curious.” Sooyoung spares one glance at her and whips her head away.

“No. Drop it.”

Jinsoul pouts for real this time as she leans back up. “Okay brat.”

They walk silently together. Jinsoul notices all the heads turning at them. But no wonder, Jinsoul was flamboyant and doll-like, Sooyoung was chic and classy. Both of their styles were the population's current obsession, except on different ends of the spectrum. Jinsoul was out of a pop magazine, everything about her screamed diva and it was a girl's dream to grow up to be like her. Sooyoung was out of a fashion catalogue, she had elegance that not a lot of women could pull off without looking corny or a wanna-be.

Either of them could be mistaken as a celebrity. Jinsoul of course a star that everyone was in love with, Sooyoung more like the avant-garde model that everyone wanted to look like.

Of course, neither of them really paid attention to their admirers. Sooyoung’s too focused on not sweating, Jinsoul’s thinking about how hard the older girl’s grip is getting.

Sooyoung finally gets the courage, “I-I like both but-receiving is um I like being the one who ya know.” Jinsoul almost trips on the escalator that they’re getting on. Sooyoung retreats to the other side once she says it, leaving a small amount of space between them. 

Jinsoul licks her lips once and snorts, “You’re a pillow princess.” 

“Shut up, am not.” Sooyoung finally looks at her after avoiding her gaze the entire time. She’s glaring at Jinsoul, and totally lying. Jinsoul gets the biggest grin on her face.

Jinsoul breaks the distance between them, “Yeah no it makes total sense. Because when-,” cutting herself off she walks two fingers up Sooyoung’s tummy. They’re close enough that Jinsoul can feel the heat of Sooyoung’s body, but far enough that it doesn’t seem weird to the others riding the escalator. “When I think about us…I.” 

Slowly, her eyes drag from where her fingers were softly pressing into Sooyoung’s stomach, up towards her chest, Sooyoung shudders from a broken breath. Laying her palm against Sooyoung, she flicks her gaze up and at dark eyes. They must mirror her own, Jinsoul knows exactly what Sooyoung’s thinking about.

Jinsoul only grins, because when she pictures it. She isn’t the one underneath Sooyoung. She likes to think that Sooyoung wants to be taken care of...and that’s all Jinsoul wants to do. The way Jinsoul imagines it, she’s completely in control and Sooyoung loves every second of it.

“I want to-.”

“SOOYOUNG!!!” Jinsoul’s very glad for the distraction, she was getting a bit too carried away. She couldn’t help it though, Sooyoung’s stare was desperate, and she was chewing on her lips like she couldn’t stand it anymore. Jinsoul probably was coming off the same way. 

But there are the rules, they promised to be friends. Except, the thoughts Jinsoul was just having was everything but friendly. 

“Oh Jesus.” Sooyoung sighs and Jinsoul composes herself quickly, god this was getting to be too much for her. She was starting to want Sooyoung...no, she needed her more, so much that it was becoming impossible to ignore.

Looking down the escalator she sees a cute girl waving at them, “o-m-g she’s so adorable who is that.” The girl was tiny and had silky hair like Sooyoung’s, but it was a lot longer. Sooyoung’s was shoulder length now compared to when they first met.

“I-it’s my sister.” Jinsoul gasps.

The girl below is hopping excitedly so Jinsoul waves back at her. They wait for her at the top. The girl bounces off the escalator, honing a few shopping bags already. She skips up to them, smiling so wide Jinsoul’s heart aches. It’s a bit awkward, since Jinsoul can’t stop staring, she has a cheek mole, just like Sooyoung’s. Jinsoul literally wants to squeal. 

Reaching her hand out she smiles brightly, “Hi, I’m Jinsoul, Sooyoung’s uh.” Jinsoul freezes,  _ girlfriend? Wannabe Lover? Secret admirer...ooh maybe mistress? Enemy. Yes, enemy No wait.  _ “I’m Sooyoung’s friend.” Yeah, that’s a safe answer. 

The girl shakes her hand, mirroring her flashy smile, “Heejin, her beloved sister.” They shake hands for a long period, just staring at each other.

“Sooo.” Heejin glances between Jinsoul and Sooyoung, the blonde notices how deep the girl’s voice is compared to Sooyoung’s.

Sooyoung is pinching the bridge of her nose, “Yes, it’s her.” Jinsoul feels the blush reaching her cheeks, wait what?

“I freaking knew it, Sooyoung literally talks about you all the time!” Heejin bounces around and Jinsoul’s mouth hangs open. Sooyoung talks about her? What kind of talk? Like...good things or oh god does she gossip about her?

Jinsoul is having an internal crisis as the two argue, “I do not!”

“Do too!”

“No Heejin!”

Heejin rolls her eyes at Sooyoung, “Yes, you do.” The girl grumbles and then turns to Jinsoul, “But no wonder you are literally drop dead gorgeous.” 

Jinsoul shakes herself out of her little moment and holds a hand to chest, clearly touched. “Me? Babe Look at you! You’re just so-.” Sooyoung glances between the two who were complimenting each other like crazy oh now they’re screaming and hugging each other while spinning in a circle. Everyone is staring and Sooyoung only hides her face as the two in front of her completely fan-girl over each other.

Great, Sooyoung thinks.

_ Just great. _

~~~~

Jinsoul hasn’t paid attention to her in approximately, Sooyoung checks her gold watch, seventeen minutes. She stares ahead and scowls, Jinsoul is currently squeezing her younger sister's cheeks.

This was just supposed to be them. Of course Sooyoung loved Heejin with all her heart, but she was seriously taking away all the affection she wanted pointed towards her. Sooyoung wanted to be the one Jinsoul was babying, not her sister. 

And Heejin  _ had _ to come at that moment. When Jinsoul was looking at her like she wanted to eat her alive. Sooyoung would have let her too, if Heejin didn’t ruin the moment that is.

Sooyoung’s still hot, god she thinks about Jinsoul all the time and the things she would do to that girl. 

She couldn’t explain how hard it was to not react when Jinsoul confessed. That she thinks about it too, that she...

_ You have no idea what you’re doing to me Jung Jinsoul.  _

_ I’m going crazy because of you. _

But, for now, she follows behind the two talking about everything and nothing at the same time.

Later, she’ll address the fact that she is  _ not  _ a pillow princess...at least not all the time. Sooyoung blushes, Jinsoul sees right through her sometimes.

Sooyoung pays close attention to the two, well only Jinsoul. She would like to push her sister in the trash.

The blonde’s figure is to die for, Sooyoung gets stuck checking her out. Jinsoul knew exactly what she was doing putting that skirt on, Sooyoung can’t get over the shape of her hips. Trailing her eyes up Jinsoul she likes that she can see the dip of the girl’s back. Even further up, wait, Jinsoul was twisted in a weird way.

Sooyoung peeks up and sees that Jinsoul is staring right at her. The blonde winks and Sooyoung watches her tongue run across her teeth teasingly.

Pretending she wasn’t just caught, Sooyoung crosses her arms and stares down at the floor, she was embarrassed by how badly she wanted to look at Jinsoul all the time.

“Hey loser,” Sooyoung looks up, Jinsoul and Heejin are giggling while covering their mouths. “See I told you she reacts when I call her that, because she knows she’s lame.” Sooyoung rolls her eyes and sneers and suddenly a soft hand is tugging hers out, “babe I was kidding!” 

Sooyoung shouldn’t like the way Jinsoul calls her babe, but she does. In fact, she wants Jinsoul to call her that forever. “Sure sure, make fun of me for my sisters entertainment.”

Jinsoul gives her a tired look, “oh shut up and stop sulking back here. I’m starting to miss you.” So much for staying mad at Jinsoul, because as soon as Sooyoung hears those words she’s got the stupidest smile on her face. 

Sooyoung’s still not in the conversation, but at least Jinsoul’s holding onto her waist now. They walk around for a while, checking out shops without ever going in. Sooyoung can tell Jinsoul is dying to go blow some money, but something is holding her back. 

Instead, Heejin was the first to break, for food of course. “Dude they have mochi that’s wicked.” 

Jinsoul digs out of her pocket book, Sooyoung’s brows raise to the roof as the blonde hands her baby sister some money. “Here it’s on me.”

Heejin looks at Jinsoul like she is some sort of angel and Sooyoung completely understands that feeling. Jinsoul’s too sweet for her own good. 

Sooyoung watches her sister skip off and she takes the opportunity to whisper into Jinsoul’s ear, “why wasn’t you this nice to me at first.” Sooyoung even dares to press her lips there before Jinsoul’s pushing her away. For such a flirt earlier, Jinsoul clearly couldn’t handle it with Sooyoung. 

“Because you were rude. Still are.”

Rolling her eyes at that Sooyoung argues, “oh because I didn’t worship you and the ground you walked on when we met?”

Jinsoul glares at her and Sooyoung really really wants to kiss her right now. She loves that grumpy face Jinsoul makes whenever she teases her, “yes.”

Sooyoung laughs at the blonde’s reply, “I’m sorry, it doesn’t count now that I do?”

“No, you don't respect me like you should. You are still on my bad list.” 

Jinsoul is tapping her heel against the tile floor, huffing and puffing. Sooyoung knows better than to ruffle up Jinsoul’s hair like she wants to, so she simply tugs on the ends of it. “What do I gotta do to get on the good list?” 

The blonde smirks, and pretends to think for a few moments. Rubbing her thumb and index finger on her chin, “hmm let’s see. You admit that you’re obsessed and couldn’t live without me?” 

Sooyoung thinks it’s funny that Jinsoul says that.

Because she’s totally right, “okay.” Sooyoung was obsessed, and her life would be pretty lonesome and sad without Jinsoul in it. Now that she’s got a taste of how great it is with her.

“You admit it?”

“Yup, it’s pretty obvious isn’t it?” Sooyoung tilts her head, Jinsoul seemed a bit surprised she was winning so easily. But losing has never felt so good to Sooyoung. “You’re ruining my life.” Sooyoung murmurs and then brushes some of Jinsoul’s hair back behind her ear, “and I love every single second of it.”

Jinsoul shares a look with her, eyes sparkling and everything.

Sooyoung realizes then that she wants to change for this girl. That she wants to give another shot at love...she’s just not ready yet. There’s something still scary about Jinsoul. There's a weird feeling that Sooyoung’s got.

That maybe the blonde is playing her too.

At any second, Jinsoul could change her mind about them and leave her with an empty chest.

Just like she has done to other girls in the past. She feels like Jinsoul knows everything about her but Sooyoung doesn’t have a single clue about her. “I’m back! I got chocolate I know...basic.”

Jinsoul’s eyelashes flutter and the blonde turns to her sister, taking a deep breath she cheerfully replies, “nah chocolate is like delish’ or whatever, you guys find a seat imma get some too.” 

Sooyoung’s watches Jinsoul scramble away and Heejin becomes skeptical, “Sooooo is that your girlfriend.”

“No.”

“Soon to be girlfriend?”

“No.”

Heejin follows her to sit at some bench, Sooyoung swats at all the fake plants. Why were there so many fan palms? “What?! Are you stupid or something?” Sooyoung ignores Heejin’s shock. 

Sooyoung may be stupid, because an amazing girl like Jinsoul is in the palm of her hands essentially. The girl everyone wanted, wants to be Sooyoung’s. Yes she is stupid, for not going after all she’s ever needed, what she finds in Jinsoul. 

However, Sooyoung isn’t selfish.

Jinsoul is genuine, but Sooyoung has a lot of baggage. Jinsoul’s never had her heart broken before and well, Sooyoung doesn’t want to be the first one to do that. She doesn’t want to hurt a girl like that, that’s never been betrayed.

Sooyoung doesn’t want to be the one that steals the light from Jinsoul, who was brighter than any star in the sky.

She can’t put that burden on Jinsoul. The girl’s first love needs to be completely available and Sooyoung was...she’s not at all. She’d end up ruining Jinsoul’s first shot at love.

Jinsoul deserves better than her, that’s what Sooyoung keeps telling herself. That she deserves someone not afraid to be with her and treats her like the princess she is.

“We’re friends Heejin, and will only ever be friends.”

“Yeah you’re fucking stupid.” Heejin is simple minded, Sooyoung’s an overthinker. Instead of looking at the probable dream that it would be if she were to love Jinsoul, she thinks of literally everything that could go wrong.

“She’s straight.” Sooyoung lies, it was an excuse. Jinsoul could not be straight after...

Heejin pops another mochi in her mouth, “And you’re stupid.”

“Stop saying that!”

“What?”

“That I’m stupid!”

Sooyoung grumbles when her sister starts to laugh at her, “Oh so you’re admitting it too!” Sooyoung rolls her eyes, ready to pop Heejin in the mouth like she used to but of course her sister's guardian angel appears.

“Admitting what?”

Heejin picks up another mochi, “That she’s stupid.”

Jinsoul snorts and Sooyoung slumps that not only her sister is calling her stupid, but now her secret crush was. “Oops I forgot chopsticks.” The blonde waddles the best she can in her heels back to the vendor. 

Sooyoung watches as a group of girls come up to Jinsoul, they had been staring at the blonde for a while and finally got the courage to come up to her. Sooyoung sighs as the girl’s fawn over Jinsoul and the blonde smiles and compliments them back. Jinsoul spins for them, showing off her outfit and shoes, one of the girls looks like they’re gonna faint when the blonde reaches forward to play with their hair. 

“How can someone be that pretty, nice and funny? It’s impossible, she’s perfect.” Heejin says with a mouthful of mochi. 

Sooyoung deadpans out, “she’s not funny.”

“Um hello she’s hilarious,” great, now on top of the other forty-five thousand admirers Jinsoul’s got, now there are forty-five thousand and one. Sooyoung has some serious competition and she has no idea how she’s winning. What does Jinsoul even see in her? A girl like her should be with someone equally perfect, Sooyoung doesn't feel like she’s even halfway there.

She should be thankful though. Actually, Sooyoung feels like the luckiest girl alive to have the attention of Jung Jinsoul.

“If I was you, I would hold onto her and never let go, she’d be good for you Sooyoung.” 

Sooyoung agreed, but she just can’t say it out loud. As far as she knows, the sun rises and sets out of Jinsoul’s ass. Her whole life was starting to revolve around this girl. All Sooyoung could do was gravitate closer and closer to her. Sooyoung is beginning to get into dangerous territory, where she just couldn’t say no to Jinsoul anymore. That she’d do anything for her.

“You think I’d be good for her?” She asks Heejin.

Sooyoung then turns to Heejin and waits. “Honestly, I think you’d be the only one good for her.” She blinks, not understanding what her sister means. Looking back at Jinsoul who was blushing at the girls gushing over her she tries to make sense of it all.

A lot of people seem to like Jinsoul for her looks, but Sooyoung, well she’s always appreciated the person the blonde is. Underneath the designer, Jinsoul’s still one of a kind. Maybe that’s what it is, Jinsoul wants to be loved in a certain way. And Sooyoung is the only one that can. She can remember how passionate the blonde wanted to be taken seriously, Sooyoung was the first person Jinsoul was interested in to do that.

Jinsoul likes looking as if she’s a doll, but she doesn’t like being treated like one.

Sooyoung understands that. 

The blonde returns and squeezes herself right between Sooyoung and Heejin. Sooyoung eyes the cup of sweets in Jinsoul’s hand, “Wait where’s mine?”

“This is yours.” Jinsoul says like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

“Where’s yours then?”

Jinsoul flutters her eyelashes, “I didn’t want a whole one so I was hoping you’d share.” Jinsoul then takes a piece and holds it up for Sooyoung. The older girl blushes madly...Jinsoul was trying to feed her which was entirely too intimate to do in front of everyone.

“What if I don’t wanna share?”

Sooyoung instantly regrets it when Jinsoul slowly lowers the cup. The blonde looks like she’s been shot, it breaks Sooyoung’s heart. “I can share mine!” Heejin holds hers up while smiling at Jinsoul, when the blonde turns to her she glares at Sooyoung.

Picking around at the mochi, Sooyoung ignores the two feeding each other next to her. This shit was gross. And she was starting to feel like a third wheel. Hearing them giggle Sooyoung has had enough. “Here Jinsoul you can have it.” She shoves the cup into Jinsoul and the blonde looks down at it and back at her.

“It’s barely eaten.” Jinsoul inquires, “Was it not good?” Sooyoung shakes her head no and crosses her arms. It’s awkward for a few seconds but then Jinsoul scoots closer to her and holds up another piece, “Baby do you want some?”

Sooyoung gulps, like the idiot she is. When Jinsoul says it like that...how could Sooyoung say no. Opening her mouth she allows Jinsoul to feed her. Jinsoul is smiling at her so sweetly and Sooyoung hums at the flavor, there was no way what she had minutes ago was the same thing that Jinsoul put in her mouth.

It was like the blonde did something to it to make it 100x better and Sooyoung eats every bite while slowly wrapping her arm around Jinsoul’s waist as people begin to stare at them. Covering her mouth while chewing Sooyoung shyly ducks her face down, “Jinsoul, people are watching.”

Glancing up, she finds that Jinsoul is only looking at her, not even bothering to check. “Let them.” Jinsoul says softly and holds up another bite. The blonde must be sensing her discomfort, so Jinsoul moves to where her back is facing the crowd, hiding Sooyoung away from them. 

Sooyoung doesn’t know how to tell Jinsoul that her small gestures meant a lot more than they should. 

When they finish they both turn to see that Heejin is gone, Sooyoung will have to call her later. But for now it was only them. “Awe she could have said bye!” Jinsoul sounds genuinely disappointed but then like a light switch turns to Sooyoung with the biggest smile.

Sooyoung doesn’t have a chance to protest as she’s dragged to the closest shop.

~~~~

Sooyoung doesn’t spend a dime, “How do you have this much money?” She asks as Jinsoul is pulling out yet another bill.

The blonde simply smiles, spending men’s money on herself was great...spending men’s money on Sooyoung however, was amazing. “I still have some left from my ummm little fling from Minho.” Sooyoung raises her brow and Jinsoul waves her off, “my fingers, they’re very talented.” Jinsoul watches as Sooyoung’s face drops in horror and she just realizes how that sounded. Bringing both her hands up she shakes them nervously at Sooyoung, “it’s not how it sounds! I stole it from him! I was meaning my fingers were talented in a pickpockety kinda way!”

Now the cashier was looking at her in horror, Jinsoul groans and stares up at the ceiling of the store, “I didn’t shoplift Jesus Christ will you people give me a break!” 

She has her eyes closed, irritated of course, because Jinsoul was just joking. Sure she checked Minho’s wallet when he wasn’t looking, it wasn't like he actually noticed it was gone. Soon enough she hears Sooyoung’s giggle, “what else are you fingers good at?” 

Jinsoul opens one eye to glare at Sooyoung before closing it and blowing steam. “What’s it to you?”

“Just curious.”

The blonde then looks down at her fingers, her perfectly manicured nails. Jinsoul then smirks, “you’re smart Sooyoung, figure it out.” The older girl doesn’t find it funny, so Jinsoul’s expression drops, “I was kidding, god tough crowd tonight huh.” Jinsoul smiles at the cashier as they hand her the bag full of clothes. They only give her a nervous laugh back, was Jinsoul that intimidating? 

As she struts out of the store she holds out her hands, “you really think these are good for anything but spending money?” Sooyoung scoffs and rolls her eyes. Jinsoul only continued to show off her nails, sure she was materialistic, it was just a part of her. It makes her extra-extraordinary Jinsoul tells herself. Of course she wasn’t only materialistic, she enjoyed the small things too

Sooyoung points it out, “I don’t know, holding your hand is nice, and you're freakishly good at video games, you probably even know how gigabytes work.” Jinsoul will admit one thing, that made her heart melt. Sure, Jinsoul doesn’t look like she has ever played a video game in her life, and no one would ever guess that her room was totally geek-a-fied. 

Jinsoul would never ever ever admit that deep down inside that she was just like the rest of those greasy losers. But she is, except she was sexy and gorgeous, with an outstanding sense of style. Oh and she really loves it when Sooyoung talks like a dork, it’s cute. However,  _ a giga-what? What the fuck is that?  _ Jinsoul has no idea what she’s talking about. 

The blonde only smiles and pokes at Sooyoung’s waist who was blushing, “awe babe that was so lame but very sweet!” Jinsoul coos. Prompting Sooyoung’s blush to get deep, “hey let's go in here!” 

A makeup department looked more like Jinsoul’s natural habitat. The blonde hated cliches though, she knew she was the best at video games and could kick everyone’s ass at trivia night. Her and Sooyoung split while looking at the shelves and counters stock full of the newest makeup. 

Jinsoul is glancing at the eyeshadows, she’s never seen so many shades. Picking out some purples and pinks she skips over to Sooyoung who was looking at lipglosses. Sooyoung picks out a light pink color and shows it to her. 

“What do you think?” Sooyoung asks her and Jinsoul nods towards the mirror for Sooyoung to try it on. “But then we’ll have to buy it.” 

Jinsoul nudges her, “come on, I know it’ll look good.”

Sooyong gives a shy look and opens it up. Jinsoul backs away behind the counter to watch the girl apply it, a bit mesmerized by the site of her lips. Tearing her gaze away she tries to distract herself but then sees a group of guys pointing and checking Sooyoung out. Jinsoul can feel her blood boil as they talk about her. 

They’re making vulgar gestures with their hands and Jinsoul whips back around, Sooyoung had taken her coat off again, leaving her only in her skirt and tank-top. Jinsoul knows exactly where the guys are staring. 

It’s where she wants to stare, but she isn’t a pig. Jinsoul drapes Sooyoung’s coat back over the girl’s shoulders and hugs her from behind. Sooyoung squeaks at the contact and awkwardly holds her hands over Jinsoul’s. “Um Soul?” The blonde squeezes Sooyoung hard and glares at the guys, hoping they’ll go away.

Eventually they get the hint and stumble off, leaving Jinsoul to press her cheek between Sooyoung’s shoulder blades. “What’s all this about?” Sooyoung nervously rambles, and tries to turn in her arms but Jinsoul only whines and keeps holding her. 

“Some icky boys were looking at you and I didn’t like it.” Jinsoul takes a deep breath and pouts, “they were staring at these,” taking her hands that were resting on Sooyoung’s waist she slowly drags them up to the bottom of the older girl’s breasts. “And that.” Her hands quickly go to pat Sooyoung’s butt and Jinsoul doesn’t get the full satisfaction of squeezing it.

Sooyoung does spin around that time and smacks Jinsoul’s hands away, “you are such a-”

Jinsoul giggles, “a pervert I know but do you blame me?” She says while letting her eyes linger in...particular places. Sooyoung sighs and properly puts her coat on, Jinsoul could tell she liked the compliment. Her body was very telling. 

Sooyoung goes back to applying her lip gloss, while Jinsoul waits and keeps her hands to herself. “Well, what do you think?” 

The older girl smiles for her, fake of course, but the heart attack Jinsoul is having is nothing but real. Jinsoul must look like an idiot, “like it was made for you!” Jinsoul stands perfectly still as Sooyoung giggles and picks five more colors out.

Jinsoul had no problem handing the cash over. 

The blonde tries to go to several more shops but Sooyoung whines and pulls her away from every single one. Claiming that she was shopped-out, Jinsoul was a bit appalled, how could anyone ever get tired of shopping, Jinsoul could do it forever.

As they’re making their way out Jinsoul glares at every guy that gawks at Sooyoung and her long legs, but waves at every girl with a smile on her face. Sooyoung glares at anyone who even  _ dares  _ to look at Jinsoul.

The jealousy rule had already been broken, probably destroyed. Neither of them would call each other out on it however. Sooyoung knew it would be hypocritical, and Jinsoul likes the thought of being Sooyoung’s. 

They pass by the arcade and Jinsoul begs Sooyoung to go in, just as the crossing the entrance the older girl spots a group of people she never wanted to see again, “not tonight princess, maybe next time.” Jinsoul gives her that signature pout and it takes everything within Sooyoung to say no, “I gotta get you home.”

Jinsoul sadly slumps, so Sooyoung throws an arm over her shoulder, “I promise we will go next time, if you want we’ll go a hundred times.” A small smile appears on Jinsoul’s face and it calms Sooyoung in the slightest but she doesn’t miss the way the group of guys in the arcade stare at her. 

She smirks at them and walks Jinsoul out of the mall.

The city is now only moonlite, and with the sun gone, a lot more people wake up. It’s much louder now, music is bouncing from every direction, in front of convenient shops or the corner of the block. Sirens blur in the distance as well. Even with the light gone, the city continues to be bright except with a change of color. 

As they’re walking, elbows locked, Jinsoul spots the venue she’s been at a few times. She’s seen some big artists, and local but slowly her eyes widen at the banner being showcased by a spot light.

Jinsoul drags Sooyoung towards the purple sign,  _ Block-Creative, _ which also was the center for the radio station with the same name. It was a huge building, with a wide bottom and a small tower above. Jinsoul gasps as she gets closer to the sign, “Sooyoung, oh Sooyoung we have to go!” Jinsoul starts to swing Sooyoung’s arms around as she bounces.

Sooyoung looks at her like she’s crazy but Jinsoul only starts to run in place, “please please please this is like a dream come true!”

“Who is that?”

Jinsoul freezes, “eh?” 

She starts to question if she actually likes Sooyoung or if her brain has gone rotten, “do you actually live under a rock?” Sooyoung frowns at that, Jinsoul releases an exasperated breath, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “It’s Yukika! She’s coming here! You know? Soul Lady?”

It doesn’t click for Sooyoung and Jinsoul seriously starts to reevaluate everything she has ever felt for Sooyoung. Of course, the older girl oozed swagger and seemed pretty caught up on the trends, but all and all, Sooyoung was just a dork that didn’t have a clue about anything socially adept. 

“Sooyoung, you’re basically committing social suicide here, how do you not know.” 

“Is she like a singer or something?”

Jinsoul deflates, my god how is she falling in love with a total loser?  _ Wait what?  _ Jinsoul flares her nostrils, did her brain seriously just think that? “I mean we can go, I’m sure I’ll like her. You want me to check the date?” Sooyoung’s words go in one ear and out the other because Jinsoul thinks about how she’s committing her  _ own  _ social suicide. Her? Falling for Sooyoung? Quite possibly the biggest (but sexiest) dweeb known to earth? 

Her falling for Sooyoung? The one person that she swore was her enemy not too long ago but now couldn’t stop thinking about being her lover?

“Come on, it’s getting late and I haven’t done my facial,” Jinsoul blurts out and grabs Sooyoung hand who was still mumbling about the concert. Jinsoul had a bigger problem to solve other than how she was going to afford the ticket, she spent her last dime on buying lipstick for Sooyoung, the girl who her brain just told her she was falling in love with.

They walk in complete silence. Jinsoul rolls over the sentence in her head over and over again. Is she falling in love with Sooyoung? What even was love? Could she be the one? Jinsoul doesn’t even notice Sooyoung pulling her in an alleyway until the brightness of the streets slowly fades away until they’re completely in the dark.

Sooyoung is shooing away some stray cats that meow at her before skittering away. The older girl giggles at them and Jinsoul’s heart flutters. 

Jinsoul is standing there, silent as she’s ever been, because the first time in ever. She isn’t sure of herself. When in her entire life she’s never questioned herself this much. Because when she first saw Sooyoung, she hated her, wanted to make her disappear because she was just like her. Better at the things Jinsoul thought she was the only thing good at.

Now Jinsoul realizes that’s the last thing she wants to do. Because secretly, she was a nerd just like Sooyoung was. And maybe the girl can’t give her the lavish life Jinsoul’s always dreamed about, but the blonde really doesn’t think she’ll ever meet someone that she can be herself around, geek out and fangirl with, and indulge in all her little obsessions without hiding them. Jinsoul can give herself the lavish life, but Sooyoung will be the one she can share it with. 

Jinsoul won’t find someone who fits her perfectly like Sooyoung does. She won’t find no one that she has this much fun with like she does with Sooyoung.. They’re made for each other, Jinsoul thinks. They belong together. 

Oh my god.

She is falling in love with this total loser.

The sweetest, cutest, most bestest loser out there. The loser that literally listens to every word she says and always knows what to say right back. The loser that tries to impress her with practiced charm. That pisses her off but then makes her laugh. Teases her but then makes her swoon. Fills her with a tummy with butterflies, only to make her feel empty when she’s not around. Takes her seriously, appreciates that she is her own person, doesn’t judge her in any way. 

The loser that once told her that she cares about her.

Jinsoul guesses she’s a loser too.

“So how’d I do.” Sooyoung asks shyly as she takes both of Jinsoul’s hands.

“It was amazing, you’re amazing.” 

“Jinsoul.” Sooyoung says her name so carefully, like it was meant to roll off her tongue. The blonde only hums, allowing the older girl to continue, “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Jinsoul smiles and her eyes instantly drop to Sooyoung’s lips, sometimes she can still feel hers tingling from the kiss at the festival. 

“If it’s a kiss then yeah, it’s all I ever think about these days.” Jinsoul bites her lip, “you know...kissing you.” She thinks about it, misses it, craves it. Jinsoul wants it. She wants to kiss Sooyoung again and again, so she doesn’t have to memorize how it feels to do so. She wants it to be second nature. “But wouldn’t that be against the rules?” The rules Sooyoung made, the ones Jinsoul agreed to.

God she hates rules.

“If we lean in at the same time it won’t count, if we both break the rules.” And she loves how smart Sooyoung is. She loves her little dork brain, thinking of the best ideas. Jinsoul hopes this kiss is the one, since the last almost killed her. Hopefully this is the one that will finally put her to rest and she won't be wallowing in anguish just thinking about how good it feels to move her lips against Sooyoung’s. Because Jinsoul doesn’t know if she can wait for the next one after this like she did after the one at the festival.

“Just one?” Jinsoul whispers while already leaning in.

Sooyoung’s eyes are dark as a new moon, slowly closing them as she ducks her head down to reach Jinsoul. The blonde keeps her open, just to see the bliss in Sooyoung’s expression, “Yeah, one, so I can sleep tonight.” Jinsoul likes the thought of Sooyoung not being able to sleep because of her. Because the thought of her keeps her up at night. Jinsoul really likes it.

The kiss they share this time is impossible compared to the one they shared at the festival. It’s a short press of their lips together, steady, and so slow it goes against time itself. It’s more than just a kiss really, it’s like they’re sharing a breath. Jinsoul, Sooyoung both wonder how they’re going to breathe without each other when they part.

Sooyoung kisses her bottom lip once and pulls away. It’s not even a fraction of the time they kissed at the festival. But it has Jinsoul just as lightheaded, even spinning harder as it did before. Sooyoung tilts her head and kisses her one last time and rests their foreheads together. Jinsoul has both of her hands on Sooyoung’s tiny waist, while the older girl has her elbows resting on her shoulders. 

Jinsoul opens her eyes and suddenly she knows why Sooyoung’s trembling against her. The girl’s eyes are still closed, but Jinsoul would be lying if she said she didn’t see the conflict etched in Sooyoung’s features. Jinsoul’s shaking because their lips slotted so perfectly together, she can’t convince herself it’s the same reason Sooyoung is. Jinsoul is shaking because she’s never done something so intimate with someone. Just a short kiss, a ghost of a breath, is more intimate than anything Jinsoul has ever done.

She’s starting to think this is Sooyoung’s first time too. 

Except she knows it isn’t. Because then, Sooyoung wouldn’t be this scared of such a sweet kiss that had their lips burning for more. Jinsoul’s starting to get scared too, so she blurts out, “Sooyoung, I don’t wanna just be your friend.” Sooyoung makes a small noise, and Jinsoul’s being pulled to her chest. Jinsoul presses her face against Sooyoung’s skin, and clings onto the heartbeat. The rapid heartbeat pounding against her ear.

“You’ve got to,” It’s such a lie, Jinsoul feels so vulnerable even though it isn’t her heart beating like crazy out in the open. Jinsoul listens to it as it gets louder and louder. 

Jinsoul tries to pull away so she can look into Sooyoung’s eyes but the girl doesn’t let her. “Why? I really like you! I...want this and I know you do too. I know you do Sooyoung!” One of Sooyoung’s drapes across her back, squeezing there, the other is tangled up in her hair and Jinsoul can’t bring herself to care about it being messed up. The feeling of Sooyoung’s blunt nails scraping across is the only thing keeping her from spiraling. 

“I know I’m the one you want.” Jinsoul huffs into Sooyoung’s chest where the rhythm of a heartbeat was still mocking her. Sooyoung shushes her and Jinsoul understands exactly why she’s being held here, Sooyoung couldn’t look her in the eye and deny this feeling. She couldn’t lie straight to Jinsoul’s face that the blonde isn't everything she wants. So she lies like this, and hopes that the drumming in her chest isn’t too obvious.

Sooyoung sighs above her, “It’s not that simple.”

“Then tell me how to make it simple.” Jinsoul says. Determination is the only thing keeping her voice steady. 

“You can’t.” Sooyoung chokes out, “I’m telling you Jinsoul you can’t.” It goes silent then as Jinsoul’s fantasy of a perfect love crumbles. It was all sunshine and rainbows, but Jinsoul realizes, while it’s nothing but a dream for her, Sooyoung is still burdened by a nightmare that she has no idea about. 

Jinsoul won’t give up, but she has to for now. Until she turns that nightmare of Sooyoung’s into a dream like hers. 

“So this is it. I couldn’t live with myself if I hurt a girl like you.” Sooyoung whispers into her hair. 

Jinsoul grumbles, “A girl like me?”

Sooyoung starts to rock them back and forth, “Yeah, a girl that deserves the whole world, deserves a lot more than just me.” Jinsoul crushes her eyebrows together, what a load of bullshit. It’s only an excuse. 

“You’re all I want Sooyoung, I don’t want the world.” Jinsoul does deserve the whole world, but it isn’t possible for one person to give her that. But she does deserve what she wants, and that girl is standing right here, telling her she can’t have it.

“I-I’m not much of anything.”

Jinsoul is able to push herself away from Sooyoung and the older girl avoids her steely gaze. “You’re everything.” Jinsoul doesn’t know what kind of darkness is clouding Sooyoung’s mind, if it’s doubt, fear, abandonment, hell Jinsoul just doesn’t know. But Sooyoung is not giving her much of an option, how is she supposed to know without being told. How is she supposed to fix this without being told what’s wrong. “Give me a chance.”

“To what? For me to just break your heart?” Sooyoung pleads.

Looking away, Jinsoul admits, “You’re doing that now.” 

Sooyoung reaches out to her and holds her hand, she’s more in pieces than Jinsoul is. “Trust me now...so that you won’t stop trusting me later.” Jinsoul doesn’t like the sound of it, because it makes her believe that she’ll never have a chance with Sooyoung. Jinsoul bites her lip and tears start to swell in her eyes.

“Look at me,” Jinsoul does and she can’t stand how Sooyoung is staring at her, “I want to...but I can’t.” 

“You can’t or you won’t?” 

“I can’t.” 

Jinsoul is crying now, her lip trembling and everything. She knows Sooyoung doesn’t want to hurt her, but not even giving her a chance hurts more. What if Jinsoul was the one that changed Sooyoung’s mind about all this? Jinsoul wasn’t scared, she didn’t fear the future with Sooyoung. She’d accept anything that happens. “You’re such an asshole.” Because no matter what did happen, if it did become Jinsoul’s dream, or if Sooyoung did the same to her as she did to Jiwoo and all those other girls. Jinsoul simply wouldn’t let go of her. She’d figure it out, how to be with Sooyoung, as her lover or not.

She wants to try.

God, she wants to try.

Sooyoung isn’t going to let her.

Because Jinsoul knows now that Sooyoung really cares about her. Or she’d play her like the rest of the girls and take advantage of Jinsoul’s confession. All and all, Jinsoul’s already changing Sooyoung.

“I know baby, I know.” Sooyoung pulls her into another hug and starts talking into her ear, Jinsoul can feel her lips and just reminds her of the kiss. The kiss that sealed her heart into Sooyoung’s hands. “I’ll get you whatever you want, clothes, diamonds, all the shoes you could ever imagine.” Jinsoul cries like a baby, “A shiny convertible with pink leather seats.” 

That’s what Jinsoul wanted in the past. That’s all people thought she ever wanted. No, she wanted to be in love, like in the movie and books. She wanted to be the one getting Sooyoung that stuff. The one holding her hand and making her happier and happier everyday. 

“But I can’t have you or the dates like tonight or the kisses or the…” Jinsoul whimpers out and she hears Sooyoung sigh sadly. Jinsoul doesn’t want any of it, if it’s not Sooyoung. 

“Don’t say it like that.” 

Jinsoul jerks away dramatically from Sooyoung’s arm and bounces on the ground, “You can’t butter it up in any way, it’s just the cold hard truth!” Jinsoul’s being rejected, she’s the girl that nobody says no to. Jinsoul has the signature pout and everything to stop people from saying no to and now she’s met her match. Of course, her once sworn enemy would be the girl who turns the tables on her. “I can’t believe you're dumping me...I’ve never been dumped in my life.”

She used to be the girl to get everything she wants. 

Now she feels like she has nothing.

“Jinsoul.” Sooyoung begs, and holds out her hands again, the same ones that Jinsoul dreamed of holding all the time. It isn’t the same. Because those hands belonged to the girl who dumped her. 

“Don’t, I-I’m leaving this, this…” Jinsoul picks up her shopping bags, stumbling backwards from the alleyway, “UGH THIS SUCKS!” 

Jinsoul is completely humiliated and heartbroken, she can’t look at Sooyoung with hurting inside. So she starts to run, the fastest she can in her expensive heels. People stare at her as she rushes down the street, sobbing and swinging her bags all over the place.

She runs all the way home.

Sooyoung stands in the alleyway.

~~~~

I reread this and was very impressed with myself! This never happens...this may or may not be my favorite chapter yet but I really liked it! I hope you guys like it too :D 

Anyways...sorry for the end. Lots of love Mwah

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	19. Chapter 18.5 Sooyoung

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Graphic Violence

Ha Sooyoung, 17.

“You’re a genius you know?” Sooyoung is playing with a lighter, her math teacher is scratching her head over the test scores she’s gotten for midterms. “No like, seriously I think this is the best I’ve seen.” Almost perfect for all subjects, except reading. Sooyoung got a little bored with the stories she was supposed to decipher, oh and she got one point off of her science score because she drew a picture of a bunny, apparently the test makers don’t like doodles. 

“I am?” Sooyoung knows she is. She’s got multiple universities breathing down her neck, throwing her scholarship after scholarship. 

She rolls the lighter back on, not caring that the switch burns her thumb. The skin there is numb now. Sooyoung’s always been tolerant of pain. She can’t tell how many times she’s melted herself playing with fire.

Sooyoung’s always liked heat.

Everything else felt cold. “Yeah, bet you didn’t even study either.”

She smirks and looks up from the flickering flame, “I did, first five pages at least.” Her teacher rolls her eyes and flips the files down. The woman rises to her feet and struts around the desk. Sooyoung pulls her feet down from where they were propped up. The lighter is still on, Sooyoung can even smell the fuel. 

“Why don’t you take life seriously.” 

Sooyoung blinks, after all she’s told this woman. She really has the courage to ask such a thing. “Maybe I will, when it takes me seriously.” She lets go of the lighter switch, it’s glowing red from how long it’s been on. Sooyoung doesn’t notice it's burning her skin through the layers. 

The woman stares down at her, it should make her uncomfortable. It doesn’t. Sooyoung should adjust her skirt from where it had ridden up. She doesn’t. She wants the woman to see. And she does, Sooyoung breath shortens as her teacher’s eyes crawl up her exposed thighs. 

Sooyoung rolls her head back when a calloused thumb presses on her bottom lip. This is the part she wishes there were girls her age interested in her. But she doesn’t know better than to crave this. The touch of another woman.

“Such beautiful lips, I love this color on you.” Sooyoung wears pink lipgloss everyday. A lot of boys are after her but she only turns her head away. She spends her days alone despite people surrounding her. She eats alone, despite being at a crowded table. She sleeps alone, despite the warm bodies next to her almost every night.

Kissing the woman’s thumb she smirks, “they taste as good as they look.” Sooyoung feels a deep sense of pride when she watches the eyes locked with hers darken. 

Unfortunately, her teacher hasn’t always been strong enough to resist her charms. But does have the will enough to pull away from the trap, “You should get to lunch Miss Ha.” Sooyoung chews on the inside of her cheek when the teacher pulls away. The older woman was blushing, Sooyoung rolled her eyes at the immaturity.

She can’t stand it. How no one has ever cared about her, only cared about how she makes them feel. They pretend, get excited when she tells them her so-called sob-story. They think they know her, think they’re special just because she told them things that she’s told ten other people. Sooyoung lets them think whatever they want except that she’s theirs and theirs only. She’ll never be owned, she’d just be pushed to the side when they get tired of her. Get broken and never fixed.

That’s why she can’t be anyones to keep. 

She may be promiscuous, Sooyoung loves being needed. So much that it hurts if she’s not around. That’s when she leaves, when they actually need her. Not when they just want her. 

Walking through the hallway, she waves almost to everyone. People liked her for the most part. Some guys thought she was a prude because she never put out, some girls hated her because of jealousy. But she was nice, and volunteered to do things for anyone. Had amazing grades and a lot of friends, or well...people who knew her name. 

Sitting at a lunch table it fills with random kids. Sooyoung eats her apple and listens to her music on her walkman. Sooyoung doesn’t care about any of these people, doesn’t even bat an eyelash when they speak.

But she does care about someone.

Right on cue she walks in. Sooyoung’s heart stops. The girl she thinks she loves. One of the most popular girls in school beside her. Smiles like heaven, speaks like an angel. Sooyoung would do anything for her.

She wishes, god she wishes. 

Sooyoung’s lips upturn the closer the girl gets. Her hair feathered, her clothes tight yet traditional. Pulling her headphones down she winks at the girl. It was her rule not to get involved with anyone her age. Rumors already ruined her life once. Her parents kicked her out a year ago when they found out it wasn’t boys leaving hickies on her chest. 

But this girl was the exception.

She would never do her wrong. This girl loved her. Sooyoung loved her back. The girl sits beside her. Sooyoung’s on her left, her boyfriend is on her right. But it’s Sooyoung’s back she rubs on. It’s Sooyoung’s cheek she kisses. They’re just really good friends everyone thinks.

Sooyoung moans her name every other day, when the girl’s mother works the nightshift. Her boyfriend comes on the other days. When Sooyoung’s sleeping with someone else just to fill the void. That she can’t call this girl hers...when she gets light headed when she’s called  _ mine.  _

_ You’re mine you know. _

That’s what the girl always said. Sooyoung took her heart out and gave it to the girl without hesitation. Sooyoung’s never been the one for commitment, intimacy. But she wanted it all with this girl. They promised, as soon as they graduated they would be together. Forever, Sooyoung wouldn’t have to sleep alone anymore. She would only be hers, she would need no one else. 

People always thought they were entitled to her, just because she allowed them to love her for one or two nights. No, it was this girl that she was supposed to be with. The one that deserved her. Her loyalty, her devotion, her love. This was the girl allowed to claim her. 

Sooyoung loved belonging to her.

“Hey Sooyoung, there’s a party this weekend, heard someone's bringing a bong.” She shrugs her shoulders. She didn’t do parties.

But then, lips press against her ear, “Baby you should come, I’ll be there.”

She listens.

It’s all she can do.

~~~~

“Fuck, just sit her down there, we gotta get outta here before the cops come.” Sooyoung can’t breathe.

Why can’t she breathe.

She’s laid onto the sidewalk, her face pressed against the concrete. Everything’s numb as she rolls over, everything except...She wants to scream but nothing comes out. Her hands are soaked with her own blood. No matter how hard she presses down on the wound it won’t stop pouring out. 

Sooyoung might die here. She sobs into the ground. She might die. 

When she coughs there’s blood, it’s everywhere. It hurts, a lot. Too much. She wants to get up and run but she’s too weak from the blood loss. No one is here to save her and her vision starts to blur. Sooyoung wishes she could see her mother one last time. Wishes she could see her sisters one last time.

Oh, this isn’t heartbreak. 

It’s death, to put it one way, but she’s still breathing. Her chest is now empty, her heart was ripped from her. The one she thought she gave. “Holy shit! Are you alright?” Sooyoung’s ears are ringing but she groans out, her world goes black.

The last thing she sees are those eyes.

~~~~

Sooyoung’s not dead. However, she doesn’t know if she’d rather be alive. She’s numb to just about everything, some random guy saved her. She almost bled out but thankfully he found her last second and rushed her to the hospital. Now she’s here, all alone in too big of a bed. 

“Miss Ha, can we ask what happened?”

Sooyoung glares at the investigators. She wishes she would be left alone, to wallow in this bed. For the first time, Sooyoung loves that she’s not sharing it with anyone else. Sooyoung doesn’t think she’ll ever share a bed with anyone else.

She already had troubles with trust, intimacy, anything to do with her being vulnerable. Well now it would be impossible for Sooyoung to ever feel again. She will never ever open up to anyone again. Allow them to think she can belong to them. She will never be anyone’s. 

“Nothing happened.”

The pair of detectives share a look then look back at her. Oh god she hates how sympathetic they are. Look at her like she’s some fragile girl. Yeah, she’s seventeen. But she’s been through a lot, this is just a paper cut in the long formed gash. That gash started a long time ago and Sooyoung forgets about it.

She didn’t remember until a nurse came to her room and asked if there was anyone else she could call when her parents said they couldn’t make it. Told the hospital to take their number off the emergency contact list for Ha Sooyoung. That’s the real wound. 

“Miss Ha, your injury is a knife wound, a deep and violent one at that. If someone-”

“No one did anything. Nothing happened, leave me alone.” 

The detectives leave, they’ll probably find out anyways. Sooyoung never wants to see that face again, no, not the guy who stabbed her with a switchblade. The girl who he thought he was protecting. That face...Sooyoung never wants to see again.

When Sooyoung loved she gave it her all.

It almost cost her a life, she lost everything. All that she had because of love.

Her face is battered, her bones are broken, in her ribs, there’s flesh ripped and slashed. All because she was kissing a girl she wasn’t supposed to be kissing.

Sooyoung’s stupid for not letting the rules apply to this girl. The girl who betrayed her, cried when they were caught and blamed Sooyoung for practically jumping on her. The girl she trusted pointed the finger, even though she was the one who drawed the first kiss.

She even smiled as Sooyoung sat there and bled.

“Stupid fucking bitch.”

Don’t fall for no one.

Don’t belong to anyone.

Don’t show vulnerability.

Don’t trust.

No matter how safe it feels to be in their arms.

Because at that moment, Sooyoung thought she was in love. The next second the door was slung open, both their tops off, an angry boyfriend was flipping the blade out. Sooyoung turned to see that the girl she thought loved her wrapped in his arms, crying. 

Yeah, Sooyoung was never loved. Never cared about. That girl only liked the feeling of Sooyoung’s touch. Now she was saying she hated it. Of course, it almost gets Sooyoung killed.

She almost died because she thought she was loved.

Never again.

No one will ever love her again.

~~~~

“Hey, weirdo can I ask you a question?”

Sooyoung is focused on the game in front of her, but the blonde beside her is edging closer and closer to her. She can’t help but smile, Jinsoul smelt nice. “No.” If there’s anything Sooyoung loves, it’s teasing Jung Jinsoul. The girl is absolutely adorable when mad.

She can feel Jinsoul glaring at her, Sooyoung bites her lip to keep from laughing. “You ever been in love?” Sooyoung doesn’t have to fight the smile anymore, it drops completely. Jinsoul must see the tension, the blonde fingertips ghost across her arm. 

That’s the thing about Jinsoul. 

She cares about the little things, and ignores what everyone else pays attention to. “No I haven’t.” Sooyoung thought she was.

“You think you could?” Now that’s a question Sooyoung asks herself often. Could she let go of the past and trust again? But there was that part of her that reminded her that it could happen again. What happened six years ago.

Sooyoung quits the game and gives Jinsoul all her attention, that’s what the blonde wants after all. Jinsoul is staring at her, curiosity. No concern, no sympathy. Jinsoul just wants to know her, but how much...Sooyoung doesn’t know if she’ll ever be able to fully open back up. “Maybe.” She then pulls her lips up sideways, “if they showed me how.” Jinsoul isn’t affected by the flirting. It was Sooyoung’s defense mechanism. 

Flirting allowed her to hide behind her real emotions.

Jinsoul’s eyes flicker between her own, Sooyoung leans into the hold the blonde has on her. Jinsoul’s touchy, affectionate. Sooyoung can’t help but crave it. Jinsoul’s unlike anyone she’s been around. Most women are possessive, rough with her. But Jinsoul is gentle, treats her like she’s something precious and dear to her heart.

Sooyoung didn’t realize that’s how she wanted to be treated this whole time.

All her life she’s been treated as if she’s worthless. Passed aside when she isn’t needed, claimed when it’s convenient for them. Jinsoul looks at her like she’s something special. And well, that’s exactly how she feels when Jinsoul smiles at her.

Jinsoul’s squeezing her waist, Sooyoung gets dizzy at how good it feels. Her eyes trail over the blonde’s features, delicate, soft and damn near perfect. “You think someone would be willing to show me Jinsoul? How to fall in love?”

“I don’t see why not.” Sooyoung’s heart clenches, begging to be let out. She wonders if Jinsoul would treat her love the same way she holds her. If those hands are as soft when the burden and weight of trust is pushed onto them. The pressure of responsibility is heavy. Jinsoul has proved time and time again though, that she’s stronger than she looks. “I know someone who would be willing to.”

Sooyoung even dares to ask, “oh? Who?”

Jinsoul smiles at her and Sooyoung is already falling in love. The answer is in clear sight. Jinsoul doesn’t need to show her. But the blonde is going lengths to prove that she can. 

“Me.” Sooyoung wishes, god she wishes.

Jinsoul hugs her tight, rocking them side to side. Sooyoung sighs at what she hears next. She’s already forgotten the eyes who betrayed her. The eyes that made her give up on love. But she’d never forget Jinsoul’s, who’s eyes were nothing but safety. Who was showing her that love didn’t have to be painful. Those beautiful…yet dark eyes.

“I could show you how to fall for someone.”

~~~~

  
  
  
  
  



	20. Don’t fear me

Her feet are blistered by the time she gets home, Jinsoul’s makeup is completely busted, just like her heart. Huffing as she takes one step at a time she slowly opens the door to her home. Jinsoul clicks her way in and kicks off her heels, something she’s never done before because she would die if she got a scuff on them.

Right now, she doesn’t care about much.

Her father must notice something was wrong. Usually when Jinsoul comes home she’s already screaming greetings while carefully taking off her shoes. This time she’s dead silent, one shoe against the wall and other near the entrance to the kitchen.

Jinsoul tosses her bags down and waits. First her father comes, eyeing the expensive heel on the floor, then her mother, who had rollers in her hair and a nightgown on.

She breaks down again. 

Her mother comes running towards her, scooping her up in her arms. Her father who had a cigarette hanging out of his mouth quickly runs to go put it out. Both her parents dote her, rubbing her head and shushing her. Squeezing her into a hug much like a Jinsoul sandwich. “Sweetie what happened?” 

Jinsoul doesn’t know what really happened, one second she felt like she was falling a thousand miles per second, the next she crash landed on the ground. 

Simply put it, she was dumped.

“I-I told Sooyoung I liked her and she dumped me!” She can hear her father whisper ‘ _ who’s Sooyoung’  _ and her mother telling him to shut up. 

Her father plays along anyways, even though he has no clue who broke his daughter’s heart, “oh she isn’t weird like you?” Jinsoul pulls away from their embrace and her mother smacks him upside the head. “It’s an honest question!” He argues. 

Jinsoul usually liked her dad's jokes, but right now, they aren’t appreciated. “She is daddy, but she isn’t weird for me.” Jinsoul then chokes on a cry and both her parents start to comfort her again.

Her mother hums, “come here, there there.” This is the first time Jinsoul’s seriously upset over someone. No one has ever dumped her before, Jinsoul has always gotten what she wanted. The whole world basically spoils her rotten.

“She’s an idiot for letting you go, you’re an angel Jinsoul,” her father explains, “don’t let anyone make you feel any less than perfect.” Her dad was right but still, Jinsoul felt like a crumb in the sheets. Completely worthless. Jinsoul knows she’s perfect she has been her whole life, but is she really all that if Sooyoung didn’t want her? 

A total and complete loser doesn’t want her, the most perfect girl alive. 

This is what Jinsoul gets for being generous, if she confessed to any other dork like Sooyoung, they’d already be pulling a ring out. Begging her to never leave them yata-yata, they’ll never do her wrong blah blah, but of course, the meanest people alive were nerds. Jinsoul is living proof of that, she’s mean and she doesn’t mind a good mecha show. Sooyoung was a whole nother different breed however, that girl was ice cold and Jinsoul’s is experiencing hypothermia from being exposed too long.

Sooyoung should have thanked her. She is lucky that she’s the first person Jung Jinsoul has ever felt anything for. Jinsoul can’t be mad at her though. Because even though Sooyoung let her free fall and plummet to the ground. Jinsoul knows that girl did nothing wrong. Sooyoung wasn’t a loser at all. Jinsoul admires how amazing Sooyoung is…

Of course she got dumped.

Even though Jinsoul was the girl that everyone wanted, she knew Sooyoung wasn’t obligated to like her. 

If anyone was a loser here...it was Jinsoul. Sooyoung doesn’t deserve a whiny brat that cries when she doesn’t get what she wants. She deserves a nice girl who respects her decision. A girl who treats her right no matter what. Jinsoul should have been that girl, but her feelings were too foriegn, she didn’t know how to translate them. 

“You’re father is right, she’s crazy for rejecting my baby girl.” Jinsoul smiles at her mother’s words, she had the best parents in the world. But they were a bit wrong. Sooyoung wasn’t crazy or stupid, she was just a girl with feelings too. Jinsoul was selfish to think that Sooyoung’s feelings belonged to her.

Still, Sooyoung didn’t have to embarrass her like that.

Crawling up to her room she stands in the middle of it, in the complete darkness. Jinsoul silently cries then. But then the door to her room opens and the light flickers on, “heard you got dumped.” It’s her sister. Chaewon shifts towards her, in care bear pajamas, the sixteen year old still looked like a child and mean like one too. “It’s because you're ugly.” Usually, Jinsoul would fight Chaewon over that. She would fight her over anything, right now she just accepts the words because they may be true.

“Why are you out of your cave?” Jinsoul asks.

Chaewon yawns and slips behind her, “because you can’t unzip that skirt by yourself.” Jinsoul snorts as Chaewon pulls down the zipper and pats her on the back a few times. Very out of character.

“Thanks troll.” 

Her sister yawns again, her black hair in about three different directions. “Trolls live underbridges, I live in a cave.”

Jinsoul rolls her eyes, “fine...then goblin.” Chaewon snarls her nose up at that but then laughs, causing Jinsoul to join her. 

The phone rings and they both stare at the pink landline. Jinsoul only knows one person that would be calling her this late at night. Jiwoo sleeps at eight. Yoojung was probably getting her cheeks smashed by the jolly green giant, Xiaojun never called and well…

Jinsoul picks up the phone, “ _ Hello? Jinsoul-” _

“Open the window.” Jinsoul deadpans and like clockwork her sister opens the latch and swings the glass panels out, Jinsoul jerks the landline out of the wall and tosses her pretty pink phone out the window.

It’s silent for a few seconds and then Chaewon speaks up, “wanna play pictionary?” 

Jinsoul nods and goes to slip in her own care bear pajamas.

They match Chaewon’s.

~~~~

It’s about two in the morning and Jinsoul is laying down in her sister's bed. Even though Chaewon claimed to hate her, Jinsoul very much doubted that since the girl was snuggled up to her side right now.

She can’t sleep.

Looking up at all the glow in the dark stars on her sister’s ceiling she shifts up to go outside and see the real ones. Picking up her pink phone she doesn’t bother picking the speaker up, letting it dangle from the cord as she drags it back inside.

Once she’s in her room she plugs it back in and dials the number. It only rings twice. “ _ Hello?” _ Of course Sooyoung would still be up. Jinsoul remembers the girl saying she doesn’t like to sleep alone. Jinsoul wonders how many nights she doesn’t spend them alone, sleeping with someone else. Jinsoul wishes she was there.

“Hi.”

“ _ Not mad at me anymore?” _

“Never mad, just embarrassed.” Jinsoul admits, “very very embarrassed.” She hears Sooyoung slightly laugh over the phone, it’s every bit awkward.

“ _ I’m sorry.”  _ Sooyoung whispers through the cracked line.

Jinsoul sighs and slumps down to the floor, curling into a ball while both hands hold her phone. “For what?” 

There’s a long pause as Sooyoung tries to think of the right words. 

“ _ For friendzoning you, kinda, or whatever you can call what happened.” _ That is a good word for it, but Jinsoul knows better than that. Sooyoung didn’t want to be her friend, but she was afraid of it becoming more.

Jinsoul twists some of her carpet between her legs. Outside, crickets chirp a sad song. Jinsoul wonders if Sooyoung hears the same melody, “I know I’m like, totally out of your league and you’re never gonna find a girl like me again but-” Jinsoul realizes she’s rambling. 

“It’s okay that you don’t like me Sooyoung.” 

_ She doesn't have to like me. _

“ _ I…” _ Sooyoung goes to argue, but then goes mute. 

“Just because I’m perfect doesn’t mean I’m perfect for you.” Jinsoul mumbles out and thumps her head onto the back of her wall, her room was bathed in moonlight. She was sitting by the still open window, her curtains whipping from the late night breeze. “So please don’t apologize…I’m the one that should be apologizing, for acting like that. I...Sooyoung I’m sorry.” 

Jinsoul means it with everything in her.

She doesn’t want Sooyoung to feel guilty but she feels like that’s exactly what she’s doing. No matter how good she was, it didn't mean Sooyoung had to take her into consideration. It wouldn’t be fair to Sooyoung, to feel like she has to reciprocate her feelings just because Jinsoul wants her to. Jinsoul’s too spoiled and she needs to know what isn’t hers.

Sooyoung won’t be hers, she has to accept that.

Jinsoul grinds her teeth, “you didn’t do anything wrong. So please don’t think that.” 

“ _ Thank you for understanding.”  _ Sooyoung says.

Jinsoul grips her phone tighter, “is there a certain reason why?” Jinsoul has to ask because in the back of her mind there still lingers insecurity. If maybe she wasn’t perfect and she was just making a fool out of herself. 

But Sooyoung is always honest, it’s the reason Jinsoul likes her so much, “ _ I’m really bad at this kinda thing Jinsoul, I don’t know how…”  _ Sooyoung trails off. “ _ It’s not easy to explain.” _

Racking her brain for answers Jinsoul asks, “did something happen to you in the past?” Sooyoung goes silent then, too silent for too long and Jinsoul knows she’s right. “Are you afraid I’m going to do the same thing?” 

“ _ Smarter than the average blonde.” _

“I told you, I naturally have black hair.” 

“ _ Don’t believe it, you are very dramatic. I like it though. Makes my day sometimes.” _

“Sooyoung.”

Jinsoul wonders what it is, what could scare Sooyoung this bad. Jinsoul feels awful for even voicing her feelings in the first place. If she was having this hard of a time, she can’t even imagine what Sooyoung is going through. 

“ _ It’s hard, being intimate. With anyone really, I don’t like when things get complicated.” _ Jinsoul listens to every word carefully, thinking about how Sooyoung said it wasn’t simple enough. She realizes her mistakes. 

“ _ It’s terrifying.”  _

Jinsoul whispers out, “Sooyoung, I don’t want you to like me if it scares you. I don’t want you to be afraid of me. Don’t let me hurt you without me knowing.” 

The line buzzes for seconds and then a shallow voice seeps in, “ _ You mean so much to me, you know that right?”  _

Her heart aches at the words, “I do.” Jinsoul wipes the tears away, “Goodnight Sooyoung.” She hangs up the phone and buries her face into her hands, the phone doesn’t ring again. Jinsoul promises to herself, she will make Sooyoung feel safe. She’ll keep her feelings in check, it would make her a bad friend if she didn’t. Tonight she knows she scared Sooyoung to death.

She won’t let it happen again.

~~~~

Sooyoung looks at her phone disappointed that the line is dead. Jinsoul was too good for her. The blonde was more worried about her and she wasn’t even the one that got rejected.  _ I don’t want you to like me if it scares you. _

Jinsoul’s the only friend she’s ever had, one that cares about her. Sooyoung can’t let herself mess that up. She’ll listen to Jinsoul.

Because Sooyoung’s never been so scared. 

~~~~

The door to her room opens, “heyyyy heard someone was a little sad!” Jinsoul looks up from where she was in a blanket burrito in her bed and then slumps back down. Yoojung’s smile drops and she looks up at Doyeon who shrugs. “I got you a surprise!” 

Yoojung comes closer and opens a box of donuts, all Jinsoul’s favorite flavors. The blonde glares at Doyeon while answering Yoojung, “no thanks, I’m on a diet.”

“What? Why the fuck are you on a diet?”

Jinsoul blushes and thinks back to what her sister said...what if Sooyoung didn’t like her because she wasn’t her type. It was a possibility. “I want- please don’t touch that- to be skinny.” Jinsoul explains while also snapping at Doyeon who was trying to pick up one of her figurines. Yoojung’s girlfriend grumbles something while shoving her hands into her pockets. 

“Soul, you already are skinny.” Yoojung pouts and sits on the bed while still holding the donuts. “I guess I’ll just eat them myself.” Jinsoul stares hard as Yoojung picks up a donut and starts to eat it, the blonde’s eyes wide and her tummy rumbles, “mmm so good.” Yoojung teases as Jinsoul’s gaze follows the donut.

Jinsoul whines and Yoojung pauses from where she was about to take a big bite. Closing her mouth she melts at Jinsoul’s pleading eyes and reaches forward to feed her. Doyeon scoffs as Yoojung gushes over Jinsoul, they might as well be the ones dating. 

Doyeon then spots a mini knife and goes to pick it up, “Yoojung mmfh that’s...tell your mutt to keep her grubby paws off all my shit!”

Steam blows out of Doyeon’s ears as the blonde speaks with her mouth full. “Baby, stop touching Jinsoul’s stuff please.” 

Doyeon slumps over and listens obediently, “yes baby.” Yoojung can see the visible tension between the two and gets the best idea.

“Here can you hold these?” Yoojung asks Doyeon and hands her the donuts. Her girlfriend stares down at the box and Yoojung rolls over to Jinsoul’s side and cuddles up to her.

Doyeon looks down at the both of them and sighs, “you can’t be serious.”

Jinsoul smirks, “sorry my hands are stuck, I’d like the strawberry filled one please.” Doyeon can’t believe she’s about to do this, sitting down on the edge of the bed and glaring at her girlfriend she skeptically lifts a donut up and gently feeds Jinsoul, the blonde moans and smiles at her while chewing, “thank you Doyeon!”

Doyeon blushes and turns away.

“Sooo, why are you sad?” Yoojung asks while petting Jinsoul’s head.

The blonde chews for a few moments and confesses, “Sooyoung dumped me.”

“What?!” Doyeon and Yoojung both exclaim at the same time.

Jinsoul rolls her eyes and opens up for another bite, which Doyeon reluctantly keeps from giving her. “Ugh she dumped me! I told her I wanted to be more than friends and well, the rest is history.” 

Doyeon is zoning off while Yoojung stutters, “you’re g-gay?” 

Jinsoul stares at her best friend for a few seconds, “yes. I thought it was obvious. Just look at my room.” Yoojung does, it’s full of women, she even sees a few nude posters. 

“I mean, yeah, but I never thought you would just admit it like that.” Yoojung explains while pressing her cheek into Jinsoul’s chest. 

Jinsoul whines for another donut but Doyeon has found whatever is outside the window more interesting. “Why wouldn’t I? There’s nothing wrong with being gay, besides, Sooyoung’s super dreamy. God I could just...” Yoojung hums in agreement and suddenly Doyeon is glaring at her, so Yoojung shrugs as if she isn’t agreeing with Jinsoul that Sooyoung’s attractive.

Yoojung thinks for a few seconds and admits, “Honestly, her loss, it’s not like you to be the one to confess first. You’re a catch Soul.” Jinsoul agrees with a simple nod, she handed herself to Sooyoung on a silver platter, gold flakes sprinkled all over her. And Sooyoung flipped her right over, making her spill her heart out all over the place and not into the girl’s hands, where she wanted her heart to be placed.

God, Jinsoul feels so stupid. She forgot all about the case of Ha Sooyoung. That she is secretly an asshole. Jinsoul of course burned that case alive since she was kinda blinded by love. Jinsoul remembers promising herself that she’d never fall for Sooyoung’s charm, but she did fall. 

Then crashed.

Jinsoul really doesn’t have the self-control she thinks she has. She used to be such an expert on Sooyoung-olgy, of course with obsession comes foolishness. Jinsoul forgot how Sooyoung was not the girl she should have feelings for. Jinsoul from the past would be beating Jinsoul from the present’s ass. Yelling on the lines of something like.

_ OH you dumbass you weren’t supposed to like her this much! Actually you weren’t supposed to like her at all! She’s your enemy not your lover! You fell straight into her trap!  _

Sooyoung was too cute to be evil though and Jinsoul knows that girl wouldn’t hurt a fly. She was just...complicated, which is what Sooyoung is apparently afraid of. 

“Maybe it was for the better.” Jinsoul and Yoojung both glare at Doyeon, “what? I’m being serious Jinsoul, you dodged a bullet Sooyoung’s not-”

“Oh whatever Doyeon, how many people are going to tell me Sooyoung’s a heartbreaker. I fucking get it okay? I know all about her little games and all the girls she likes to play.” Yoojung glances back and forth between the two, clearly out of the loop. “I’m not stupid, I know what I’m getting myself into, but who’s to say I won’t be the one she falls for? Who’s to say if any of that is true at all? What if she’s just misunderstood!”

Doyeon stares at Jinsoul, a mix of admiration and shock. The girl slowly lifts a donut and leans it towards the blonde’s mouth, “but you still wanna risk getting hurt?” 

Jinsoul nods, “yes. I think I’d regret it more if I didn’t try, you don’t think there’s a chance of her having feelings for me?”

The blonde takes a bite of the donut and Doyeon explains, “I mean, yeah, it is kind of weird that she rejected you. You’re like her exact type.” 

“Oh? What’s her type?”

Doyeon mutters, “girl’s whose favorite color is pink.”

Jinsoul huffs, “too bad mine is blue.”

Yoojung and Doyeon glance at each other, the younger girl is simply surprised at the fact this is the longest conversation Jinsoul and her girlfriend has had. “I think she cares about you, or she would have hurt you already.” 

Jinsoul gazes up at Doyeon, finding the taller girl in a new light. “Yeah, me too. I’m not too worried about getting hurt anyways. I’m tough.” 

“Heartbreak sucks Jinsoul, I know Jinhyeong was bad, but you didn’t like him like that.” Yoojung joins the convo and Jinsoul thinks back on her ex, how mentally and emotionally abusive he was. Jinsoul doesn’t like how everyone is underestimating her. Sooyoung, now her friends. Did they think she was this fragile? Sooyoung breaking her heart wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, she’s dealt with worse.

How could she not try?

Jinsoul sits up suddenly, prompting the other two girl’s in her bed to focus on her. “When I was fourteen I dated a girl.” Jinsoul glances between them, “her name was Duan XiaoWei, we had sleepovers all the time and kissed a lot, until her parents caught us. Then they moved away.” 

Yoojung sniffles sadly, Jinsoul rolls her eyes at the sap, “we tried to keep in touch, and my parents helped me but her parents weren’t too happy about love letters being sent to their daughter…” Jinsoul remembers how Xiaowei cried when they last spoke. It wasn’t their fault, and it was kinda Jinsoul’s first heartbreak that was followed by many.

“The school I went to found out, I was writing a letter in class and a boy read it out loud. I was already bullied for being weird. I didn’t have nice clothes and my shoes were worn out. My dad could only afford to get me a new pair every christmas, he cried a lot back then. Before my mom got this job in the city.” Yoojung is sniffling louder now and Jinsoul glares at her, it wasn’t a sob story, just the truth. Proof that she’s stronger than they think she is. “Apparently being gay is a lot worst than being poor. I was both.” 

Doyeon is lying next to her too, both of them stare up at her with love. Jinsoul knows if she didn’t go through what she has, she would have never met them. “So I started dating boys, any of them that asked. Because once there was rumors, boys wanted to see if they could convert the gay girl. I’d go to their house, steal their parent’s money and buy myself nice clothes.” Doyeon smirks while Yoojung’s brows raise. “People started to think I was cool even though I had always been. Then eventually everyone forgot that my favorite thing to do was to kiss girls.” 

Jinsoul remembers slowly, with time, more and more people paid attention to her. With more attention, came more rumors. “Back then, the only people that were nice to me were girls. Not every girl was nice to me though, a lot of them said nasty things about me. Like the boys did.” 

“I was too much and not enough at the same time.” She wasn’t nice enough for some, and then too nice for others. They called her a slut and a tease, a wanna-be and then a square. That she was fake, and then too honest. One second she was the prettiest and the other she was ugly.

Jinsoul didn’t know what they wanted from her, who they wanted her to be. So she tried being everything for them. 

“I tried my hardest to get them to like me. I wanted to be every girl’s best friend but they always made fun of me no matter what I did.” 

Xiaowei told her something once that she never forgot.  _ Girls shouldn’t cry alone.  _ And while Jinsoul tried her best to befriend every girl so they’d never be alone, some hated her. Jinsoul didn’t understand back then, why they were so mean to her. She always tried her best...and eventually it just was too much. It hurt way too much. 

_ Why did they hate her? _

That’s when Jinsoul realized that no one ever had to like her, that she only had to be the person she wanted to be. Jinsoul really liked herself and couldn’t understand why every other girl didn’t, but it didn’t matter. They didn’t have to like her after all, she loved the person she was, she always has. She grew thick skin and soon after she simply couldn’t be bothered anymore.

She didn’t try so hard anymore. She was happier that way. Jinsoul was happy being the girl who she wanted to be, not the girl who everyone else wanted her to be.

Jinsoul started doing whatever she wanted. Dressed the way she wanted, said what she wanted and when they’d glare in her direction. Whispering all those nasty things. Jinsoul would smile. She’d smile her brightest and tell them they looked amazing. 

They’d blush.

That’s what Jinsoul wanted. All she wanted. 

Jinsoul’s experienced a lot of heartbreak, but only because she allowed it. Because she always took the rejection hard, it always broke her heart when a girl didn’t like her back. But seeing the look on a girl's face when she told them sweet little things wasn’t heartbreak.

Still, it hurt when they’d call her bad things behind her back anyway, but Jinsoul knew better than to fuel that fire. Instead she continued to be sweet as she could be. Why would she let it bother her when she thought of herself as amazing and perfect. She already knew her worth. 

So Jinsoul knows what it’s like to have her heart broken by many girls, and she doesn’t care if Sooyoung hurts her even worse. Just as long as Jinsoul gets to love her the way she’s always wanted to love a girl.

“Girls can be cruel, I can handle it.” Jinsoul simply says. Yoojung and Doyeon are both sniffling now. They didn’t know how much she’s been through, so they thought she was weak. “Sooyoung isn’t cruel. I’d be willing to give her my heart even if she made the mistake of breaking it later.” Because Sooyoung allows her to be herself without making her feel bad about it. Sooyoung likes her...just her. Even her flaws. 

Jinsoul hasn’t had to change for her.

“Damn Jinsoul...that was like, touching.” Jinsoul glares at Yoojung and begins to laugh. She knows Yoojung didn’t know a single thing about her past because she refuses to talk about it. Jinsoul hated being judged and she has been her whole life, when she has never judged a single person. 

But with all that heartbreak, Jinsoul will never allow herself to think she’s any less than perfect. 

If Sooyoung hurts her, Jinsoul won’t let it damage her worth.

~~~~

“OH FUCK YOU!” Xiaojun and Yoojung watch closely as Jinsoul kicks one of the arcade games multiple times. 

Xiaojun pulls out a megaphone, “Jung Jinsoul, please stop damaging property of the arcade.” Yoojung holds her ear as the static voice of Xiaojun’s echoes through the arcade. Jinsoul only flips them off while shoving lemon heads into her mouth. The rest of the arcade goers glare at Xiaojun for interrupting their peace once again.

The blonde was in a mood, Jinsoul was not usually this pissy. “Did she get another bad grade or something?” Xiaojun mumbles while holding the megaphone with a limp wrist. Jinsoul was cussing every second and screaming at the arcade game that wasn’t even aware that it was being abused by an angry blonde. 

Yoojung hums and steals one of Xiaojun’s M&M’s, “yeah she’s kinda losing it huh.” 

They both blink at Jinsoul who was now pointing her finger in some guy’s face. “Why do you always fucking stink? You’re always in here making the place smell like rotten ass and straight up shit, it’s gross, please consider taking a day off from being a total fucking loser and go bath in bleach.” The guy slowly raises his arm and sniffs his pit, Jinsoul struggles to not tear her hair out. 

“She’s right, that guy does always smell super icky.” Xiaojun shoves Yoojung’s hand away from his candy bag. 

Yoojung brow raises as Jinsoul continues to berate the guy for his filth, “Sooyoung friendzoned her, that’s why she’s bothering the dumpster. Needs an outlet you know?”

“Oh poor- wait what?” 

“Yuuuppp.” Yoojung raises her brow and slowly creeps her way towards the bag of candy again, only for Xiaojun to snatch it from her. “Jinsoul confessed and well-” Yoojung gives a thumbs down and blows a raspberry with her lips. 

Xiaojun pouts and eats the rest of the M&M’s much to Yoojung’s disappointment. “Harsh, that had to knock her confidence down a few pegs.” 

“Ha, yeah right more like crash landed it. All she’s been doing is crying and whining about Sooyoung, my phone bill is gonna be wicked.” Yoojung complains. It’s been a week but Jinsoul was slowly morphing back into herself. 

“Jinsoul’s never been rejected.” 

Yoojung agrees with a tilt of her head, “I’m a little worried.” Jinsoul wasn’t showing it, but she wasn’t herself. Sure she was still dressing like a goddess and those extra aerobic sessions were doing her body wonders, but the blonde was on edge. There was an emptiness in her eyes that Yoojung didn’t like one bit.

Jinsoul was always so...lively. She still had her attitude but it was more sour than anything. 

The blonde is back to playing her game, rolling her neck side to side from how tense it was from the lack of sleep. Jinsoul loses, staring down at her hands she realizes they’re shaking. God she needed to get a hold of herself. 

Her heart sinks when another hand appears, she knows exactly who it is because she thinks about these hands alot. Jinsoul knows the rings on those fingers and she wants to disappear. Not even bothering to look up she darts away.

“UGH JUNG JINSOUL!” She hears Sooyoung’s frustrated voice behind her. Xiaojun and Yoojung watch with wide eyes and slack jaws as Sooyoung chases Jinsoul around the arcade. They’re on opposite ends, if Jinsoul goes one way Sooyoung goes the other. 

Jinsoul starts to cry and bounces on her heels, frustrated that she’s being chased around, “you are so weird!” Sooyoung takes the opportunity to get closer but the blonde only runs out of the arcade as fast as she can on her heels. On the street people give them curious looks, mixed with fear and concern. “Get away from me freak!”

Sooyoung grabs her by the waist and pulls her down the block. Jinsoul only continues to cry, giving up on escaping from Sooyoung. Besides...Jinsoul missed her a lot and it was nice being held like this. Jinsoul is guided to yet another alley way and she doesn’t like the bitter taste in her mouth of the memory of the last time she was in one.

She’s pressed against the brick wall, Sooyoung’s hands under her arms locking her in place, “hey princess, look at me.” Jinsoul refuses. Even though she promised Sooyoung did nothing wrong, Jinsoul was still incredibly embarrassed. “Soul…please look at me.”

“Go away Sooyoung.”

“No.” 

Jinsoul closes her eyes and starts chanting,  _ she’s not real she’s not real she’s not real. _

Lips press against her ear and warmth blooms in Jinsoul’s chest, “please.” Opening her eyes she stares into Sooyoung’s and there’s nothing fake about how this girl is looking at her. Everything about it is  _ so  _ real. Jinsoul’s never had anyone look at her this way. But of course, Sooyoung ruins the moment where she’s about to forget about being dumped, “you are being so dramatic. Really? You had to throw a temper tantrum you big baby!” 

“Me?! I’m not the one that was dragged out here by a basket case and thrown onto a wall that’s very icky and nasty! It’s literally ruining my coat and-” Sooyoung presses her palm against Jinsoul's mouth. 

Sooyoung closes her eyes and then leans her head back, inhaling deeply as if the air around them was fresh, “ah do you hear that? Listen...it’s so peaceful.” Jinsoul screams into the palm muting her and Sooyoung only smiles, “you’re so much cuter when you’re not using those pretty lips of yours.”

Jinsoul grabs her wrist and pulls her hand away, “god you are such a jerk. A real piece of work Ha Sooyoung.” The girl only stares at her though, with a beaming smile and flushed cheeks. “I wanted to ignore you for at least another week. You know for dumping me? It was very humiliating and heartbreaking.”

Sooyoung doesn’t really reply to anything that Jinsoul says, “I didn’t dump you because I couldn’t imagine dating you. I said no because I care about you, do you have any idea how lucky I’d be if I got to call you mine? You’re a real piece of work too.” Ducking her head down, Jinsoul tries to tell butterflies now partying in her stomach to shut up.

They only flutter more when Sooyoung whispers, “you’re driving me crazy Jung Jinsoul.”

“None of that makes sense idiot.”

“Then make it make sense.” Sooyoung says and pulls away, Jinsoul’s source of warmth is gone and she shivers. 

Jinsoul tries to telepathically wipe the smirk of the older girl’s face but doesn’t work, so she gives in, “fine. You’re forgiven, you can go home now.”

“Oh no I have a surprise for you. Next week we’re going to that Yukika concert.” Sooyoung explains seriously and Jinsoul can’t help but roll her eyes. The girl was digging for something in her pants pockets. 

“I’m not going.”

“Yes. You were almost crying, you wanted to go so bad.”

Jinsoul crosses her arms as Sooyoung curses when she can’t find whatever in her front pockets and then tries to pull something out of her back pocket, “Yeah right before you…”  _ Made me look like a freaking idiot _ , but Sooyoung isn’t paying attention, “Whatever I’m not going with a jerk that’ll probably ruin my time.”

Sooyoung apparently finds what she was looking for and smiles widely at Jinsoul, “Would a jerk already have the tickets, front row with a vip pass to meet Ms.Yukika herself.” Jinsoul’s eyes shine as Sooyoung whips them out of mid air, holding them in the sunlight.

Jinsoul barely contains her squeal, “You didn’t.” 

The blonde goes to grab them but Sooyoung keeps them just out of reach, “Nah-ah-ah, say thank you Sooyoung.” 

“Fuck you.”

Sooyung stretches away from her, “Almost got it, one word off.”

“I hate you.”

“Still close, but not right.”

“Kiss my ass.”

“You’d like that wouldn’t you?”

Jinsoul rests back onto her heels, and huffs, “Thank you Sooyoung...a lot.” Sooyoung smiles at her, thick lips spreading across shiny teeth. Jinsoul slumps forward into the girl, causing her to  _ oof _ from the impact. 

The blonde leans like dead weight, but Sooyoung holds her tightly, almost desperate. Sooyoung missed this, Jinsoul missed it too. “You’re welcome Soul.” Sooyoung breathes into her hair, “god I was so scared I messed up for the last time, I can’t imagine losing you.”

Jinsoul snorts, “oh shut up...you’re not getting rid of me for a very long time.”

“I’m serious Jinsoul, I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Something in Sooyoung’s voice changes, it’s soft, vulnerable and Jinsoul can’t help but to hold her tighter.

They settle comfortably into each other and Jinsoul can smell a faint perfume on Sooyoung. It isn’t hers...and she doesn’t ever remember Sooyoung using this fragrance. 

Jinsoul remembers she can't be jealous, even though her heart is dangling on a thin rope, she’s not allowed to get jealous. Sooyoung’s not hers.

~

But what she doesn’t know is that Sooyoung has spent the last hour fucking the girl at the ticket booth, just because she couldn’t afford them. Sooyoung is eaten alive with guilt, but she reminds herself this is the exact reason why she can’t be with Jinsoul. The blonde doesn’t deserve it. She needs someone who will love her without making it complicated.

“I got some cash, you want me to take you to the music shop? Heard they got a new shipment this morning.” Jinsoul nods against her chest and Sooyoung bites her lip hard, trying to resist the urge to kiss the blonde on the top of her head.

She can’t keep leading her on.

She’ll destroy Jinsoul.

~~~~

They take the train downtown first. Jinsoul also begged to go to that arcade in the mall. It was free for the most part. So Sooyoung agreed. They sit inches apart, their pinkies almost touching. Across them an older man is bobbing his head to a busted up boom box. Jinsoul recognizes the song, it was one of her favorites a year ago.

“You know this?” 

Jinsoul nods at Sooyoung and notices how her brow raises, rolling her eyes she tells the girl what the song is, “I feel for you, Chaka Khan, you should get the album at the shop. It was one of the good ones from 84’. Just like Purple Rain and Private dancer and ooh! New Edi...” Jinsoul realizes she’s rambling and Sooyoung’s staring at her funny. 

Sooyoung doesn’t say whatever she’s thinking however, only stretches and sneakily scoots closer to her while slowly placing her arm over Jinsoul’s shoulders. Jinsoul accepts it, doesn’t shake the hold Sooyoung’s got on her. “Why’d you stop talking?” 

Thinking of an answer she only teases, “you said it was peaceful when I didn’t speak.”

“Baby I was just-” Sooyoung cuts herself off, after coming to terms with what she just called Jinsoul. “I was just kidding barbie.” Jinsoul scoffs, she hates being called a barbie doll. She’s not made out of plastic and she’s not cheap. They’re boring too. 

Jinsoul doesn’t like being compared to a toy, she doesn’t like to be played with and then tossed to the side when the next best thing comes around.

Sometimes, she felt that’s what Sooyoung was going to do. Now that Jinsoul was no longer playing hard to get, her feelings out in plain view. Sooyoung would get bored and move on.

It would probably devastate Jinsoul. 

She can handle being rejected, but abandoned…

“What are you thinking so hard about?” 

Jinsoul bites her lip and chooses to be honest, “are you getting tired of me?” Looking up at Sooyoung her heart pumps.

_ I feel for you.  _

Sooyoung sighs, “I can’t get enough of you.” 

_ I think I love you. _

Jinsoul blushes under the dull lighting of the train, under Sooyoung’s even darker gaze. “So no, I’m not getting tired of you, whatever is making you think that, stop.” She’s almost agitated as she answers and Jinsoul shrinks into the seat. Sooyoung only pulls her closer. 

The blonde feels so tiny, “are you sleeping with anyone right now?” Jinsoul scrunches her eyes close at the question. Why on earth did she ask that? Not only is it an invasion on Sooyoung’s privacy, but if the answer was yes she would be-

“Yes, well not anyone, I don’t do repeats.”

Jealous. Jinsoul is jealous. 

Not so much that she’s mad at Sooyoung, she just wishes...that she was the one Sooyoung was with. And that there were repeats. 

But then Sooyoung surprises her, “actually I just slept with a girl, so I could get the tickets.” Jinsoul raises her brows and looks at Sooyoung dead in the eyes, she’s impressed. Jinsoul nods her head and hums. “I um, I pretended she was you...aaand now it’s awkward okay bye.” 

Jinsoul’s blush turns vicious as it takes over her entire face. Sooyoung scoots away from her and starts whistling to the song and Jinsoul appreciates the space and turns away. The information Sooyoung provided her was very interesting, so interesting Jinsoul will be visiting it later on tonight. Preferably when she is alone and the lights are off and it’s late, late into the night. 

What Sooyoung doesn’t tell Jinsoul, is that she doesn’t even remember the girl’s name, because she called her Jinsoul. She said Jinsoul’s name over and over again. 

“Thanks, for doing that. So that I could meet Yukika” Jinsoul answers, it must have been embarrassing. Sooyoung did it for her. 

Sooyoung’s eyes are wide, it’s almost morbid. 

“Yeah no problem.”

At the music shop Jinsoul buys only singles, all love songs. Including You give good love by Whitney Houston and tells Sooyoung that the song reminds her of them. 

Sooyoung doesn’t tease her for it.

~~~~

“And here we are!” Sooyoung holds out her arms as Jinsoul peeks into the arcade from behind her. “It’s huge isn’t it?” 

Jinsoul rests her chin on Sooyoung’s shoulder, “very, I don’t think I’ve seen this big of a concentration of losers.” 

Sooyoung’s hands fall limp to her side as the blonde skips past her. Glancing around she sees a group of guys already staring at Jinsoul, and then back at her. Sooyoung narrows her eyes and shoves her hands into pockets. Jinsoul was right, there were a bunch of losers here. Thankfully, a certain group of guys weren’t present. The same ones she saw in here the last time she and Jinsoul came to the mall. They were ex-classmates of hers and she’d rather not talk to them.

When she turns, Jinsoul’s disappeared. Smiling at first, Sooyoung guesses the blonde was engrossed in some game she found. As Sooyoung looks around, however, she doesn’t spot Jinsoul until it’s too late. Jinsoul is talking to some guy, flipping her hair and smiling at whatever he says.

Yeah, no.

Sooyoung strolls up to them, “hey I saw a game I wanted to play come on.” Jinsoul ignores her. 

Thunder and lightning cracks above Sooyoung’s head. Figuratively of course, but Sooyoung feels cold as if rain was pouring down on her. So she grabs Jinsoul’s wrist and pulls away, leaving the guy to sulk like a kicked puppy.

“Hey he was cute!”

Sooyoung grits through her teeth, “am I not cuter?” Jinsoul narrows her eyes at first, then smiles menacingly. 

“You’re jealous.” The blonde mocks her.

“Am not.”

“Are too. You’re so jealous you can’t stand it right now.” Jinsoul teases while poking Sooyoung’s scrunched up nose. And Sooyoung knows it isn’t fair, she just talked about sleeping with other girls and she’s about to have an aneurysm because Jinsoul’s simply giving the time of day to someone who's not her. “He asked for my number, politely, so I’m gonna go give that to him right now.”

Jinsoul goes to strut off but Sooyoung clings to the fabric of her shirt, “don’t.” She tries to make it sound like a warning, but it comes off as desperate plea, so Sooyoung goes along with that. It’s exactly what she feels like, “please.” 

“Nuh uh you don’t get to do this Sooyoung you made your choice, you said you didn’t want me like that, remember?” 

“I do.” Sooyoung nods, regrettably so.

The blonde’s expression drops, it’s completely unreadable. “So let me get this straight, you can dump me. Fuck other girls. And now dictate who I talk to?” Sooyoung looks away, ashamed, “how is this any fair?”

“It isn’t. It’s not at all fair.” 

Jinsoul does smile then, and it isn’t mocking, it’s gentle. “I thought you didn’t like me Sooyoung?” It’s a genuine question that Sooyoung doesn’t want to answer. Because the only answer is yes, yes she does like Jinsoul. So much that she can’t stand it. “Don’t get my hopes up…Sooyoung.”

The blonde is right, so Sooyoung lets go of her shirt. Jinsoul stays for three seconds then walks off, back to the pretty boy with a fake smile. Sooyoung stands there, empty. She is such a hypocrite.

Jinsoul returns after a while and grabs her hand, pulling her to a less crowded part of the arcade. Sooyoung eyes the slip of paper in Jinsoul’s hand, wants to burn it. Stomp on it, chew it up and spit it to the opposite side of the world.

But she doesn’t.

Glancing up she avoids Jinsoul’s sparkling eyes, those adorable, perfect eyes. Instead she only counts the colorful pins in Jinsoul’s hair. “Admit it, you only want me for yourself, you hate the thought of someone else having me.” She doesn’t have to imagine Jinsoul’s cheeks rising with that irresistible smile because she’s staring right at them and Sooyoung wants to squeeze them so bad.

Sooyoung’s losing, once again.

She’s always losing herself with Jinsoul.

The blonde is too endearing, too pretty, too goddamn everything. 

“Okay.”

It isn’t the answer Jinsoul’s looking for, “okay what? You have to be more specific.” Sooyoung clenches her jaw and she watches the way Jinsoul bites her lips. Sooyoung remembers exactly what they taste like. 

Her favorite flavor is Jinsoul.

She’s all out of candy right now. All out of candy to suppress the addiction she has to Jinsoul’s lips. 

“I’m jealous.” 

Those lips she craves so bad curls into a beautiful smile. Pink with gloss. “I know, “ Jinsoul simply says, and Sooyoung’s happy the blonde doesn’t make it complicated. “This isn’t his number, I didn’t give him mine either.” Jinsoul shows her the paper, it only has a smiley face on it, the tongue sticking out. “You might think you’re good at this game we’re playing,” Jinsoul then balls a fist into the fabric of her shirt and tugs her closer, Sooyoung’s never felt this out of control of her own heart.

“But trust me...I’m better”

Sooyoung’s face slowly turns red, she was tricked. “It is nice hearing you finally admit it. Kinda cute.” Jinsoul trails off, “he was Xiaojun’s ex, asking me how he was doing and everything, not even into girls can you believe that!”

Yeah, Sooyoung’s done for.

So she walks away from Jinsoul, before that head blows up with too much confidence. Jinsoul must know by now Sooyoung’s fighting this attraction with everything in her. And she’s about to give up. Sooyoung isn’t sure what’s got the bigger risk. Giving into her desires, or ignoring them.

Ignoring them was pure torture.

Sooyoung chooses duck hunt. Jinsoul stands behind her. “Ugh I hate this game. Guys always use it to get fresh with girls.” Sooyoung lifts the gun up and starts to play. She’s an expert, her accuracy and precision is something she’s always been able to brag about...until now. 

Jinsoul’s hands slide across her hips, inching around her waist. Clawing at the fabric of her shirt, “oh I totally understand why though, I don’t blame them.” Jinsoul presses her front against her back and Sooyoung starts to miss. “Here, do you want me to show you?” The blonde practically purrs into her ear. 

Goosebumps rise on every inch of Sooyoung’s skin.

Sooyoung freezes and allows Jinsoul to take over, the blonde embracing her from behind as she covers her hands with her own. Sooyoung swallows, hard, “am I making you uncomfortable?” Sooyoung can’t create any words so she shakes her head. Jinsoul’s so close. Too close.

Jinsoul is right, guys do use this game to get closer to a girl. And no wonder, Sooyoung feels like she’s going to melt into Jinsoul right now. Sooyoung likes the way they fit together. Likes the way Jinsoul touches her. It’s suffocating, but she loves being out of breath. “Babe?”

“Hmm?”

“You okay? You’re not looking at the game…” Sooyoung opens her eyes and blushes. 

“Yup.” 

Sooyoung’s perfectly fine.

~~~~

“Honestly, I like our little arcade better, yeah it’s probably germ-topia but it’s got it’s little charm ya know? And I don’t know, I hate Taeyong but that guy managing that place was such a bitch I mean he totally…” Sooyoung smiles as Jinsoul keeps blabbering, god, she could listen to the blonde talk all day.

Jinsoul’s got her pinky locked with hers, Sooyoung hates how she feels the simple gesture more intensely than she was banging that random girl earlier. 

What she feels for Jinsoul is intense, and comforting at the same time. 

The streets are quiet, it’s just between the hours when some go to sleep, and others wake up. Sooyoung focuses solely on the slur of Jinsoul’s words. Focuses on how hard her heart is beats whenever the blonde smiles.

Jinsoul swings their pinkies between the two of them, her records bouncing in a bag in the other. Talking animatedly about some show now. She mentions how she looks forward to it every week. Sooyoung can relate, she looks forward to seeing Jinsoul everyday. 

The blonde is her now her schedule now, without her, Sooyoung thinks her entire world would spin out of control. Sooyoung realizes that she needs Jinsoul in her life more than anything.

And for the first time, that thought doesn’t completely scare her.

After a while Jinsoul goes silent, only a faint blush on her cheeks. Sooyoung likes this, she likes it so much she wants to do this everyday. She wants to feel this way forever. This bubbling tension with Jinsoul, everything about it Sooyung wants to feel over again and again.

Something is bothering her though, “hey...um I’m sorry about earlier, it wasn’t right of me to get jealous.” Jinsoul stares at her for a few seconds, “like you said it isn’t fair. It’s just a part of me doesn't want to lose you. I guess I feel like after I said we could only be friends I thought you’d stop talking to me.”

Jinsoul pulls them to a stop, “Sooyoung…” The blonde reaches up, breaking their pinkies apart. Cupping one side of her face gently, “I don’t hang out with you just because I have a crush, I...this feeling is new to me. You’re still my friend. You were before all this...No matter what, I wouldn’t do that.” 

Sooyoung feels her chest bloom with something she hasn’t known for a very long time.

Trust.

“Yeah?”

Jinsoul smiles, “yeah, of course, I promise babe.”

Sooyoung is tugged along by her hand. Slowly, surely. Willingly.

She can be Jinsoul’s.

~~~~

In the bonus chapter, the conversation they had in the end took place before the events in chapter 18! Forgot to add that

Awe so I read over most of this story for the first time and wow! I was surprised at how much I liked it...this is the first yvesoul fic I haven’t had problems with teehee anyways I hope you all enjoy this chapter as much as I did, as always lots of love <3

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  



	21. Too many memories but you’re the good one

Jung Jinsoul has a master plan. 

It has steps, details and back up ideas, in case the first one goes wrong. What is this plan? Simple, it’s her strategy to make Ha Sooyoung fall in love with her. Jinsoul already knows two things, Sooyoung obviously wants her. Sooyoung hates commitment or anything really to do with feelings.

Jinsoul can handle this. 

There are two paths she can take, Angel Jinsoul on her right shoulder has a perfect plan.  _ Just be kind and patient with her, be yourself, she already likes you this much, with time she’ll grow to love you. _

Jinsoul likes that plan. She doesn’t want to scare Sooyoung, she wants the girl to feel the way she does because she feels amazing whenever they’re together. However this is the first time Jinsoul’s ever felt this way. Sure, she’s had crushes on girls before but nothing like this. 

Her other path was simple, the devil version of herself on her left shoulder came up with it.  _ Simple, just be sexy.  _ Jinsoul’s figurative guidances fight it out, arguing about morals or whatever. Jinsoul just daydreams about how pretty Sooyoung is. 

Jinsoul smiles, she’s always loved making girls happy.

But now, she just wants to make one the happiest.

~~~~

“Do you wanna do it?”

“No.”

“You wanna smoke this joint?”

“No.”

“Wanna have sex-”

“No...I don’t want to have sex Jennie.” Sooyoung glares at the girl across from her, kneeling on her bed. Jennie shrugs her shoulders and flops down onto the mattress.

The girl is silent for a few minutes and then asks, “why am I here again? You don’t call unless you want to fuck so...I’m just a little confused.” 

Sooyoung pinches the bridge of her nose, “I thought we could just kick it, as friends.” She doesn’t know why she called Jennie. Sooyoung just...needed someone to talk to that wasn’t Jinsoul. Because she wanted to talk about Jinsoul. And well...talking to Jinsoul about Jinsoul would be awkward and Sooyoung doesn’t want to creep the girl out with how obsessed she is.

Although she’s sure Jinsoul would love it.

“Oh, well you’ve said that before but then we ended up fucking anyways.” Jennie explains. 

“Um, Jennie actually...I think we should stop hooking up.” She’s been thinking about this for a while now. The only reason she’s been sleeping with people recently is to get Jinsoul out of her head, but Sooyoung ends up fantasizing about the girl anyways, it’s like she’s been sleeping with the ghost of Jinsoul this past month. Sooyoung thinks of the only person she wants to be with, no one else can fit inside her heart anymore. She wants no one else if it isn’t her. It’s just... _Jinsoul_ _Jinsoul Jinsoul._

The girl on her bed raises up, genuine curiosity on her face, “awe, is it getting boring...last time it was like you weren't even there.” It’s been a while since they’ve been together. But Sooyoung knows exactly why she hadn’t called Jennie for this...she had dyed her hair blonde and well Sooyoung’s mind had drifted during it of course to the same place it always goes. She felt guilty about it. 

“It’s not you, I don’t think I could do it with anyone now.” Sooyoung admits, the thought of going behind Jinsoul’s back makes her nauseous. She wants to be loyal. She wants to show Jinsoul that it’s only her. That it will only be her.

Jennie looks at her for a second and smiles, “you’re saying you don’t wanna be a hoe anymore!” The girl hugs her from behind while squealing with happiness and Sooyoung fights the urge to kick her out, “Sooyoung that’s wonderful news! Wait...why?”

“Why what?”

“Why aren't you gonna hoe around anymore?” Sooyoung narrows her eyes, like it’s the dumbest question in existence, but Jennie doesn’t know that she’s basically falling in love with Jung Jinsoul. “Do you have an std? Like the clap or something?”

Sooyoung hops up from the bed, “I don’t have a-” She realizes she’s screaming, “jesus I don’t have the clap are you serious.” Jennie is serious, she nods her head very seriously. Sooyoung sighs and sits on the bed again and looks timidly into Jennie’s eyes, “promise you won’t make fun of me.” Jennie’s always teasing her for saying she’ll like anyone ever again.

Sex has always made sense to Sooyoung, at least that’s what she thought. That it didn’t have to have any meaning behind it. Just an activity to make two people feel good...most of the time. Recently Sooyoung’s had a lot of regrets and she’s starting to realize why.

Jennie has told her time and time again, that when she finds the right person. That she won’t want to do it with anyone else. It won’t feel good or right with anyone but that person, that sex will only make sense with them. It’s become true.

Jinsoul’s the only one that makes sense.

And Sooyoung has only kissed this girl. 

“I...like someone. And I, um we’re not even together or anything, we’re friends but god it feels wrong Jennie. I want to be loyal to her, I want her to know that she isn’t just anyone to me, she’s everything. There’s feelings there and maybe...something will happen I don’t know but if it does I need her to understand that it’s only her that I want, so I’m starting now.” Sooyoung rambles out nervously while twisting her sleep shirt up in her fists. Jennie is about the only person Sooyoung trusts with these things. For a few minutes Jennie doesn’t say anything so Sooyoung looks up and sees the biggest shit eating grin on the girl’s face.

Jennie starts to poke her side, “uhuh, what was that you say all the time,” Jennie creates a deeper voice, mocking Sooyoung’s, “ _ oh Jennie, you know me I’m incapable of feeling for anyone _ .” Sooyoung rolls her eyes and pushes her off. “Hey, it’s okay, it’s actually more normal to feel guilty about these things than to not.”

Sooyoung remembers all the girls she two-timed. It's not that she wanted to hurt them it’s just she didn’t want what they wanted. Sooyoung didn’t want a relationship she was always up-front about that, at least she thinks she was. It’s always just been only a physical thing and girls get hurt when they realize that it’s like that with her. It happened with Jiwoo, and Sooyoung made that mistake. She never wanted to hurt that girl but...she didn’t want her more than a casual thing.

But with Jinsoul it’s different, the physical attraction is there...but it’s so much more. 

She never wants to lose her.

“But is this one? Is she you know…” Jennie swings her hand around.

Sooyoung pouts, “is she what?”

“Ya know, inconsiderate. Is she gonna have a problem with all your...problems.” Jennie words it nicely. Sooyoung had issues, she had baggage, she had every damn thing in the book that could ruin a relationship. And yet, Jinsoul still wanted her. Jinsoul knows and she still wants her. When girls in her past run from any inconvenience and cry about how she’s the bad guy.

The blonde promised her it was okay that she only wanted to be friends. But it was a lie, one of the biggest lies Sooyoung’s told. She wants Jinsoul. She wants to give that girl everything. She wants Jinsoul to love her.

But will she? After she learns truly how damaged and broken Sooyoung is?

Everyone else who has tried to fix her has failed, Sooyoung doesn’t want that. She wants...she doesn’t want to be fixed. She wants to be brand new. 

“No, no of course not. She’s the sweetest girl I’ve ever met, well she does have an attitude, but it’s cute. Makes her downright irresistible, you have no idea how hard it is to say no to that girl” Jennie smiles as Sooyoung blushes, “she’s so...understanding and patient.” Sooyoung smiles, “she makes everything okay.” 

“Girl, do you L word her?” Sooyoung slowly shakes her head  _ no _ , “do you kinda L word her? Or getting there?” Sooyoung slowly shakes her head  _ yes _ . “Aw...holy shit.” Jennie takes in count of the situation...it’s more serious than she realized. 

Sooyoung looks down at her sheets, smoothing them out, “when I’m with her, it’s so easy and fun, everything is less scary when we’re together, I forget how cruel the world can be because she’s so perfect and kind. I like her, but it’s not only about the way she makes me feel, it isn’t because she makes me happier, more than I’ve ever been in a long...long damn time.” Sooyoung swallows, the constriction in her throat making it hard to. “I don’t have to hide when I’m with her, because she likes me for who I am. She likes even the bad parts of me.” 

Jennie scoots closer to her and lays a single hand on her back, rubbing whenever her shoulder shudders. Sooyoung’s never been one for emotions, she never likes being vulnerable, hates putting her heart out on the line. But with Jinsoul she allows herself to be. Because in the past, women have taken Sooyoung’s weaknesses and used them against her, to hurt her more. 

They use them to make her think she needs them. That she needs them to make everything okay. Jinsoul doesn’t do that, the girl praises her for being strong, Jinsoul sees weakness as strength in her. She sees that Sooyoung only needs herself and doesn’t make a problem out of it. 

“I’m scared. But she doesn’t try to make me hide it. She protects me, from everything, even herself.” Sooyoung remembers their phone conversation, how Jinsoul sacrificed her own feelings for her. “I’m afraid I’ll make the same mistakes and she’ll leave me behind. I don’t want to hurt her. And...of course I don’t want her to hurt me, god my heart is trying to convince me that she won’t but my mind keeps taking me back, to all those years ago and-”

Jennie hugs her and Sooyoung realizes she’s crying. She accepts the affection, Sooyoung has had sex with Jennie over the years, but never have they hugged or kissed, only between moments when one of them craves the intimacy neither of them have had. “It’s okay. You’re okay.” Sooyoung realizes she presses her knuckles into her scar and Jennie gently places her hand over her own and pushes it away.

Jinsoul would never do that to her.

There’s too much good in that girl’s heart. 

“What’s her name?” Jennie asks, pulling back.

“Jinsoul.” The name belongs on her tongue.

Jennie raises a brow, recognizing it, “Oh that girl you met at the arcade?”

“Yeah...her.” Sooyoung says sheepishly, “the only other time I’ve ever felt this way was when I first played a video game. It’s like I got sucked into this sweet fantasy that was mine and mine only. I forgot about everything. She’s just...that, I.” Sooyoung blushes as Jennie starts to smile.

“Dayumm, you are in love.”

“Oh shut up.”

Jennie covers her grin, “you just went total dork mode on me.” Sooyoung rolls her eyes and the girl next to her shakes her, “come on you gotta ask her out, she sounds amazing.”

“I can’t, it’s...I friendzoned her.” Jennie’s smirk drops and she raises a brow. Sooyoung feels like she’s already messing up with Jinsoul, telling the blonde she doesn’t want her and the next minute getting extremely jealous over a phone number. She’s giving Jinsoul mixed signals. She needed to decide whether she’d take the chance or not.

Jinsoul’s been so good to her. 

Sooyoung doesn’t want to lose this, she doesn’t want to hurt Jinsoul anymore after this one time. 

“Yeah you’re the biggest dumbass on the planet, remind me again how you got two degrees.” Sooyoung glares at Jennie and rolls her eyes. “Sooyoung, this is the first time I’ve ever seen you with actual feelings, besides the love you’ve got for...those big boxes with buttons you can click on-”

“Computers.”

“Yeah, yeah those, but I can tell you genuinely care about this girl. And it’s obvious she cares about you too, why not take the leap.” Jennie asks with a serious voice. The girl pats her hand, “love is like the lottery, you can’t win if you don’t give it a chance. Who knows Sooyoung, this girl might be the jackpot.” 

_ So roll the dice.  _

She already feels like she hit the jackpot meeting Jinsoul. The only thing now is keeping her winning and Sooyoung is trying her best. Jinsoul’s a lot to handle and Sooyoung wishes she knew how to do this. God she wishes it was easy so she could give her heart to Jinsoul without worrying about it.

“I miss her.” She admits, honestly. She wishes Jinsoul was here, just so they could talk. So she could hold Jinsoul’s hand. Look her in the eyes...anything.

Jennie smiles, “call her, I wanna hear her voice too.”

Sooyoung scoots away from Jennie and picks up her phone, dialing Jinsoul’s number. It rings a couple times and Jinsoul picks up, “ _ shhhh shut up! Hi Jinsoul speaking!”  _

She can hear someone giggling in the background, a girl’s voice. “Hey Soul, it’s me.”

“ _ Sooyoung hey! What’s- Yoojung stop! What’s up babe?”  _ Sooyoung can feel Jennie snooping behind her so she turns away from the girl, holding one hand on the phone as the other hides half of her face.

“Nothing I just, what are you doing tomorrow?” Sooyoung hurriedly asks and feels her heart racing, the butterflies in her tummy throwing a party.

She can hear Jinsoul cutely hum over the line, she can just imagine the girl sitting in cute pajamas in her room. Twirling her fingers around the cord of the phone. Sooyoung wishes she was there. She wishes she was with Jinsoul. “ _ Hmm why? Do you wanna come see me?”  _

The tone of Jinsoul’s voice is playful, teasing almost. Sooyoung likes it, “yeah I want…”  _ Take the chance.  _ “I miss you.” Sooyoung wants to start telling Jinsoul how she feels, she’ll start with the little thing.

Jennie coos behind her and Jinsoul goes mute. The blonde speaks up after one lengthy pause,  _ “you can come through...I’ll be home around four, you remember the address right, we can go do something.”  _

“Yeah. Of course, that sounds great.” 

Sooyoung keeps it simple. She starts to feel warm in other places than her chest. She can hear Jinsoul sigh over the line. “ _ What are you doing right now?”  _

Glancing over towards the girl now rummaging through her special drawer she answers, “with a friend.”

“ _ Oh,” _ Jinsoul says sadly.

Sooyoung is quick to defend it, not wanting Jinsoul to think of it the wrong way. Sooyoung wants Jinsoul, only Jinsoul. “It’s not like that, actually we were just talking about you.”

“ _ Oh?”  _ The sound is much happier this time.

“Yeah wanna say hi?”

Jennie is already rushing over, “Hi my names Jennie.”

“ _ Hi Jennie!”  _ Jennie pulls the phone away and covers the speaker, and mouths ‘ _ she sounds adorable’ _ . Sooyoung nods in agreement, she could talk to Jinsoul for forever. 

“Sooo, Sooyoung’s like totally in l-” Sooyoung snatches the phone from her in a second. God she homes Jinsoul didn’t understand where that was going.

Shoving Jennie’s face away she quickly diverts, “sorry she’s um, weird.”

“ _ What was she gonna say?” _

Sooyoung swallows, “probably something weird.”

She can hear Jinsoul laugh lightly over the line, “ _ oh yeah? Well, Yoojung is starting to miss me so I better go, I...I’ll see you tomorrow?” _

Sooyoung nods and realizes Jinsoul can’t see her. “Yeah! Tomorrow, definitely.”

_ “Bye Sooyoung.”  _ Jinsoul’s voice is...something. 

Jennie watches with amusement as Sooyoung tries to not act like an idiot putting her phone back down. Turning, Jennie is already lighting up a joint, “wanna get geeked and watch the goonies?” There’s no sense of asking, Jennie is already blowing an O.

Sooyoung rolls her eyes. Thankful she wasn’t gonna tease her for that awkward phone call. Later, after Jennie is asleep, Sooyoung calls Jinsoul again. 

There’s something different about the way Jinsoul says her name this time around. 

~~~~

Well, Sooyoung is nervous. She doesn’t really understand why she’s so nervous, but she is. Sooyoung is really really, “Hi.” Jinsoul is standing in front of her, smiling. Sooyoung forgot she even rang the doorbell since she was so stuck on what she was gonna say to the blonde. 

All she comes up with is this, “Hi.”

Sooyoung wishes she could slap herself in the forehead. “Are you ready?” Sooyoung nods, their plans were simple, friendly, completely ordinary for two individuals to do. Aerobics, Jinsoul had suggested they go together, Sooyoung agreed not really thinking about it, she had some dance experience and the idea of impressing Jinsoul was just too hard to pass up on. She remembers when they danced at that party, and how the blonde’s eyes had roamed over her.

There was only one problem though. Dancing is normal, aerobics is a bit different. There’s more sweat, more skin, more tension. More...everything and now Sooyoung couldn’t stop thinking about it. 

Sooyoung liked Jinsoul.

A lot.

And the blonde liked her, but wasn’t keeping it a secret like she was. Which, honestly, Sooyoung doesn’t think she’s being discreet about her attraction nor feelings towards Jinsoul either. Sooyoung walks alongside the blonde, it’s silent but not to the point that it’s awkward. Both of their strides are slow, trying to drag out their time together as long as possible. They keep glancing at each other, Jinsoul pokes at her side playfully and Sooyoung gently swats the hand away.

It’s so easy being with Jinsoul, yet intense at the same time. The blonde never makes her feel out of place or uncomfortable. But just by looking at her Sooyoung feels like she’s going to explode. Sooyoung eyes the mini pink skirt, the lighter pink sweater with just two buttons latched in the middle. 

There’s a lot of skin showing and Sooyoung is on the verge of passing out. Jinsoul looks nice in pink, very nice. So nice she just wants to run her hands all over- “So, are we trying the friends thing again?” 

“Huh?” Sooyoung jerks her head away, but she knows Jinsoul caught her staring at her waist that was exposed. 

Jinsoul smirks and walks a little slower, making her hips jut more with each step. The blonde’s walk is smooth and Sooyoung gets stuck on the confident sway of her body. “We’re gonna forget about my embarrassing attempt at confessing right? Go back to square one about being  _ just _ friends?”

Sooyoung narrows her eyes and pretends the blush on her cheeks is from the heat of the sun. If anything was embarrassing about Jinsoul’s confession, it was the part where Sooyoung said no. A girl straight out of her dreams and Sooyoung decides to keep her there instead of embracing the reality that Jinsoul could be hers.

Jinsoul still feels like a dream.

Maybe that’s why Sooyoung is scared, she knows dreams don’t last forever.

“Yeah, friends, is the deal still on? If one of us breaks?” Sooyoung asks seriously. Technically Jinsoul did break the rules, but so she did. Jinsoul may have been honest about her feelings unlike Sooyoung. But she’s never been jealous, Sooyoung on the other hand...well, she doesn’t like to talk about it.

Jinsoul sighs, “don’t you think we’ve already fucked that up? I said I liked you, but you have an aneurysm every time I give anyone other than you attention.” Sooyoung frowns and crosses her arms, prompting Jinsoul to playfully shove her, “babe I’m joking, maybe we can just, revamp it or something.” 

Sooyoung steps closer towards Jinsoul and can’t help it anymore, she reaches out to play with the hem of the girl’s pink sweater. “Got any ideas?” 

“What if the deal is...more of a physical kinda break. Like if one of us initiates kissing….or more.” Sooyoung hangs onto the words.  _ Or more. _

Looking at Jinsoul’s profile her heart flutters along with the blonde’s eyelashes, “a bit more? Like, if one of us tries to have sex?” Jinsoul blushes and bites her lip, nodding and Sooyoung has to turn away before she has a heart attack. “But wouldn't we both need to agree on that kinda thing before um, doing it, don’t you think?”

“No, no it would be like this.” Jinsoul then grabs both of her shoulders and turns her so that they’re facing each other. Both of them are frozen in the moment, and Sooyoung just stares. She traces the shape of Jinsoul’s eyes, the color of them, how they make her chest bloom with warmth and she finds herself falling in love with them all over again. “Sooyoung, I want you to fu- err, have sex with me.” Jinsoul’s expression is completely serious, void of any emotion. Her eyes narrowed her lips straight. Sooyoung doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

Sooyoung knows the look on her face has to be embarrassing. The words drop from her ears straight to her tummy, twisting into knots of heat. Jinsoul wasn’t even trying to be seductive but Jesus Sooyoung thought this would be easier. To fight the malfunction in her brain she tries to take the seriousness away, “then why didn’t you say so? We can go back to mine and get it on until the morning.”

Jinsoul’s frustration is apparent as her eyebrows knit together, “ugh you freaking...it was an example! I wasn’t actually asking!” Sooyoung can’t help but smile, it was so easy to wind Jinsoul up, she wonders if the girl was like this in other situations.

“I don’t know...sounded like you really wanted it. You sure you weren't asking for real?” Sooyoung’s joking of course, but if Jinsoul said yes she’s not sure how she’d manage to resist the temptation. After the blonde’s face goes red Sooyoung laughs and rubs on the girl’s back, “alright alright relax! I’m just messing with you…so what if really did ask me that and meant it?” 

Jinsoul rolls her eyes and turns to walk again, leaving Sooyoung to trail behind her, “Then I would be the loser. And I’d have to do whatever you say.”

_ Oh Jinsoul...why did you have to say it like that. _

“I want to add something to the bet, if you’re the one that gives in.” Sooyoung explains and shrugs Jinsoul’s hands off her shoulders, they were hot to the touch.

“Okay…”

Jinsoul tilts her head and waits patiently. “If you do so happen to break, If things don’t work out, I want us to still be friends, no matter what. I think losing you would be like the worst thing that could happen to me.” Sooyoung tells her shyly, and she hopes the blonde agrees to it and keeps her promise. 

Sooyoung chews on her lip as Jinsoul thinks, and then the blonde gives her the softest look imaginable. “Okay, I accept your terms.”

Although she’s relieved Sooyoung has to ask, “And yours? If I break?”

Jinsoul shrugs, “They’re a secret.” 

“How is that fair?”

“It is, besides, this won't be hard, I mean we’re trying to be friends and well, kissing and other things is not very friendly. It is, but ya know what I mean. I have faith that we won’t be doing the nasty or whatever.” Jinsoul rambles out while waving around her perfectly manicured hands. 

Sooyoung’s eyes follow them intently, “Yeah this is like, last resort, if one of us can’t stand it anymore.”

They stare at each other for a few seconds before Jinsoul squeaks out, “Shouldn’t be hard at all!” Sooyoung nods awkwardly and they continue to walk to the gym. She knows she’s lying, being with Jinsoul right now is hard. Sooyoung doesn’t want to be the one that breaks though. That would be all her pride and she doesn’t know if she could keep her promise to Jinsoul.

“Hey, do you want to by the way?” Sooyoung does smack her forehead with her palm this time as Jinsoul raises one skeptical brow.  _ Why on earth would I ask that... _

“Do what?”

Sooyoung mumbles something under her breath before reluctantly telling the truth, “do it with me. Have...sex.” Her voice notches a pitch higher with each word. God she isn’t a teenager anymore but just thinking about it makes her tummy erupt with butterflies. 

Jinsoul looks completely moridfied, “I will be remaining silent on the matter.”

The blonde is staring down at the ground now and Sooyoung, although lost all the dignity she has left, still needs an answer. “No, you have to answer, yes or no. At the mall-”

“What I said at the mall doesn’t matter now, we’re trying to be friends remember?” Jinsoul seethes through her teeth and Sooyoung purses her lips, cowering. The blonde had very explicitly told her about...the thoughts she was having. Sooyoung just couldn’t help but to want to hear more of those thoughts. She was completely shameless. 

“But-”

“Shut up! Just shut up...please.”

“You said when you thought of us, you was thinking about us having sex right?” Sooyoung digs in and Jinsoul’s ears shade red.

Jinsoul glares at her, “no, I was thinking about how I was going to murder you and get away with it. I would rather shove a cactus up there than to ever let your grimey little fingers catch a feel.”

Sooyoung scoffs, as if that was the truth. If her memory was correct, Jinsoul even confessed that she...did things with those thoughts in mind even if it was a joke. “Harsh, that was so uncalled for.” Sooyoung pouts up and crosses her arms, “I’d let you do whatever you wanted, you know. If we weren't friends.” 

Jinsoul gapes at her and Sooyoung simply walks away.

~~~~

Walking into the gym, they take the elevator up to the dance studios. Jinsoul stands on one end while Sooyoung stands on the other. They’re glaring at each other. “What are you looking at freak?”

Sooyoung rolls her eyes, “I don’t know, haven't figured it out yet.” 

Jinsoul makes some kind of obnoxious noise and goes straight for Sooyoung’s throat. The elevator dings and the doors open. Sooyoung is standing there ready to grab Jinsoul, while the blonde’s hands are wrapped around her neck. 

It’s Kim Jiwoo.

“Jiwoo?” Sooyoung and Jinsoul say in unison. Jiwoo beams, but only at Jinsoul. Causing Sooyoung to look at Jinsoul like she was a total stranger. Since...when did Jinsoul know Jiwoo and vice versa.

The red-head skips inside. Her hair curled and bouncy and the smile, perfect as ever. Sooyoung feels cornered, when in reality both girls are completely ignoring her. Jinsoul and Jiwoo talk miles a minute and Sooyoung knows they have to be close friends. Jinsoul would talk to any cute girl, but Jiwoo...she was a bit shy. It reminded Sooyoung of a mouse. It took her damn near a month for Jiwoo to open up to her and even then, Jiwoo seemed to like Jinsoul more than she ever liked Sooyoung.

They all exit off the fourth floor. Jinsoul finally turns to her again, as if she just remembered she existed. “I’m gonna see what rooms are open, I’ll be right back.” Jinsoul says with a smile and Sooyoung feels her cheeks redden, especially under Jiwoo’s glare.

Sooyoung doesn’t take her eyes off Jinsoul. “Hey Jiwooming.” The girl doesn’t say anything, “oh so you’re not gonna talk to me?”

Jiwoo scoffs, “wow, you’re still full of yourself Huh.” The usually bubbly girl’s tone is icy, just showing her dislike for Sooyoung. The difference from the way she spoke to Jinsoul is obvious. Jiwoo was nice to anyone and forgave easily, Sooyoung however, had a special place in hell according to the red-head. Sooyoung has never apologized though and that might be the reason. “Since when have you two been friends?”

Sooyoung notices the curiosity in Jiwoo’s voice, “who? Blondie?”

“Her name is Jinsoul.”

Pouting, she focuses on how Jinsoul laughs at the joke the front desk person makes. “What, don’t tell me your jealous?” 

“Of her? No, of you, yes. You probably don’t even realize how lucky you are. How many people would die to be you to get a chance with Jinsoul.” Sooyoung’s well aware. But she doesn’t really want Jiwoo to know that. She’s sure the girl she played like a fool would love to hear that she’s finally caught feelings for someone. “She’s a sweetheart Sooyoung, she may not seem like it at times, but she’s got a good heart. You don’t find people like her anymore.” 

Sooyoung clenches her jaw, “she cares about me and has done more for me than you ever thought about doing, and we’re not even in a relationship. You know like the one you said we were in.” Jiwoo spits out and Sooyoung remembers how she hurt this girl, then ghosted her. Didn’t give her an explanation or anything.

“I never said we were in a...whatever, does she know about us?”

Jinsoul giggles, as if the audacity of Sooyoung asking that was hilarious. “No, she doesn’t know about us. Or the two or three, however many girls you were sleeping with behind my back. She doesn’t know that when I found out about it, you told me to never talk to you again.”

Sooyoung was young, still is. It was more than two years ago, maybe it was three now. She was confused, lost. Jiwoo’s smile scared her. Jiwoo was too gentle, too caring, and affectionate. Jiwoo loved her and Sooyoung hated it. “Jiwoo.” She regrets it. She regrets hurting this girl. Sooyoung wishes she could fix it. 

“Don’t hurt her, like you hurt me.” Jiwoo’s voice is softer now and Sooyoung knows she doesn’t deserve it. That Jiwoo still cares about her after all this time.

“If I apologized now, would you accept it.” Sooyoung finally looks at Jiwoo and the girl is staring straight back. It’s then she knows that Jinsoul isn’t the only one with a good heart. Because the girl is fighting the urge to say yes, even though Sooyoung knows she doesn’t deserve the forgiveness. “I won’t hurt her.” She says it sincerely. 

When she told Jiwoo the same thing, she couldn’t stand to look into the girl’s eyes. Avoided them everytime she told a lie. Jiwoo was too innocent back then. She had never been heartbroken. But this time, she’s staring right into the deep brown. Like she’s never done before.

Jiwoo opens her mouth but then frowns, “oh my god, you have feelings for her.” Sooyoung’s brows meet in the middle in a knot and she knows how obvious it is. Jiwoo only smiles. “Good.”

“I hope she breaks your heart instead.”

The red-head walks away. Leaving Sooyoung to drown in guilt. Jiwoo doesn’t know though. She doesn’t know anything about her. Sooyoung should have treated her better.

“Hey, where’d Jiwoo go?”

Sooyoung smiles at Jinsoul, she won’t make the same mistakes twice. “Yoga.”

Jinsoul pouts, “ew boring, come on there’s an old studio at the end of the hall... I think that girl was flirting with me.” Sooyoung smiles harder, faker. She will not get jealous...but she does make sure to turn and glare at the front desk worker before they head to the changing room.

It’s empty and eerily quiet. The blonde instantly starts changing and Sooyoung turns away, ripping out her clothes while clearing her throat awkwardly. After she’s changed shirts Sooyoung goes to pull down her skirt and she hears Jinsoul giggle behind her, ”oh wow, cute hmmm.” Sooyoung first looks back at Jinsoul who was checking her out without a second thought. Jinsoul really was a pervert...

Sooyoung glances down and forgets that she was wearing the most embarrassing pair of panties known to mankind. Throwing her skirt back she hits Jinsoul in the face with it, almost knocking the blonde over the bench.

She finishes by the time Jinsoul recovers from the attack, pulling on some black leg warmers up her shins. Jinsoul is looking at her strangely, “what?” 

The blonde shrugs, she was only wearing a measly cut off tee and tight dolphin shorts. Something Sooyoung wouldn’t expect Jinsoul to wear since she was so extravagant. She imagined the blonde would be in a neon orange leotard. “You literally look like you stepped out of flash dance.”

Sooyoung takes in her own attire, “I’ve never watched that.” She was wearing a black tank top that ended right above her belly button, and a pair of matching underwear. She notices how the blonde’s gaze lingers on her thighs, up to her hips and then blinks herself out of whatever daze she was in. 

Jinsoul gapes, “you’ve never watched FlashDance?” Sooyoung shakes her head no while putting her sneakers on. The blonde raises on brow and sighs, “I gotta get you more socially aware, I can’t be hanging out with a complete square.” Sooyoung rolls her eyes and stands up. The blonde’s eyes reluctantly travel back down again, and it almost looks like she’s having an internal battle with the way her cheeks glow as her jaw tenses.

Sooyoung makes sure to give her a show, stretching out a bit while Jinsoul tilts her head at the view. “Oh I’m a square huh?” She asks and struts over to pluck her skirt out of Jinsoul’s hands. Jinsoul sighs a bit too satisfied, and glances up finally. Taking her eyes off Sooyoung’s tiny waist.

The blonde smiles up at her, “yup, I’m sacrificing my status for you.”

Sooyoung shoves her skirt in her bag and lifts it to her shoulder, “your status, what like you’re the queen bee or something?” 

Jinsoul flutters her eyelashes and picks up her own bag, “of course I am, think of me hanging out with you as a charity act. I’m doing this out of the kindness of my heart, not a lot of people would volunteer to be friends with a dweeb.” Stopping in her tracks she stands right in front of Jinsoul.

“You know, it takes a loser to know one baby.” Sooyoung teases and Jinsoul huffs, “besides, if anyone is doing a charity act it’s me.” Jinsoul goes to protest but Sooyoung holds a finger to the blonde’s lips, making her eyes go cross as she stares at it, “shh I know, I’m super cool and you’re sorry. Apology accepted.”

Jinsoul rolls her eyes and slaps her hand away, “yeah okay I admit it, you are cool, but not because of the reasons you think you are.” Sooyoung lets her smirk drop at the blonde’s suddenly soft tone, “you’re really nice to be around Sooyoung. You’re a good person.” 

Sooyoung doesn’t like how honest it sounds, so she tries to make light of it, “not because I’m sexy and intimidating?” Jinsoul glares at her. Sooyoung actually doesn’t understand why people think she’s so cool. Sure, she was a bit unapproachable...that’s just because she gets nervous. And she didn’t bother with much, ever since she was kicked out of her childhood home she kinda made a distance between herself and reality. A lot of people mistook it for her being some sort of punk.

“No weirdo, those are reasons, but not the only reasons.” Jinsoul rolls her eyes and skips off, leaving Sooyoung to think about her words. No one has ever really cared much about Sooyoung except for the way she makes them feel. 

Sooyoung races towards Jinsoul, “hey you’re cool too.” The blonde doesn’t say anything. “I mean, you’re a lot different than anyone I’ve met.” Jinsoul glances at her curiously and Sooyoung tries to explain herself, “you’re unapologetic about being who you are and at the same time you never judge anyone else.” Scratching her cheek she blurts something stuck in the back of her mind.

“I love that about you.”

Jinsoul blushes and quickly looks down at the floor. “Thanks.” Sooyoung smiles, not knowing that Jinsoul has wanted to be told that her whole life. 

The blonde finds their room, a bit dusty, a mirror broken, but it was the only room up for anyone who wanted to exercise without paying for an instructor. Sooyoung sits her bag down and stretches again without the intention of making Jinsoul drool.

Little does she know, Jinsoul does anyways. The girl almost topples over trying to check her out. “You look like you’ve done this before.” Jinsoul says with a bit of awe. Sooyoung raises a leg and brings it to her chest. She finds Jinsoul’s eyes through the mirror and smiles.

“Yeah, I have. I wouldn’t have agreed to do it if I hadn’t.” 

Jinsoul’s gaze drops, “oh, I thought you just wanted to be around me.” Dropping the stretch, Sooyoung walks over to Jinsoul who was trying to do the same thing she was. Helping Jinsoul lift her leg properly, her palm slides underneath the blonde’s thigh and Sooyoung resists the urge to squeeze, to test how soft she is.

She tries it, she can’t help it. Jinsoul’s soft. Too soft. 

“I do, but this is a bit embarrassing to do if you haven’t done it before.” Sooyoung whispers out a direction for Jinsoul to point her toes. “I would just come to watch, you’re very nice to look at you know?” Jinsoul rolls her eyes at that and Sooyoung backs away, the blonde holds her pose on her own, “but I think I could teach you a few things.”

Jinsoul drops her leg and stands straight again, “Is that right?” The blonde crosses her arms and raises a brow and Sooyoung pokes at her side, it’s a bit adorable. 

As Jinsoul pushes her hand away Sooyoung sighs, “I did ballet, went to classes and everything until my parents kicked me out when I was fifteen.” The smile Jinsoul was wearing drops fast. Sooyoung doesn’t know why she opened that old wound, she doesn’t know why she doesn’t close it back up. “Well, they didn’t kick me out, sent me to one of those conversion therapy, not very fun, they acted like it was some summer camp. I ran away after that and haven’t spoken to them since.”

It’s a bad memory, that camp. Sooyoung remembers being force fed that she was someone that didn’t deserve anything until she changed. She remembers how after it, for a few months, she didn’t feel human. That all her feelings were evil. That she was evil. Still, she’s gone through worse. “Sooyoung that’s…” Jinsoul starts but doesn’t finish. Sooyoung laughs, she has no idea why she told Jinsoul that.

Maybe because she feels safe in this dull, dusty room. Because she can look in the mirror and not hate the reflection. Jinsoul’s right there, looking at her like she’s everything. 

She’s always wanted someone to tell her that what she feels isn’t a bad thing. However, after losing her family, being taught to hate herself, and even stabbed for being who she was. Sooyoung finds it hard to believe that everything isn’t her fault just because of who she chooses to love. Finds it hard to convince herself that this isn’t wrong, what she feels when she’s with Jinsoul.

Sooyoung tries. 

It works in moments like these, when it’s just them and no one else.

It feels so right being with Jinsoul

Glancing at Jinsoul she mumbles, “don’t look at me like that.” 

“Like what.”

Sooyoung brings her eyes back to the mirror, to herself.  _ Like I’m pitiful. Like you care.  _

_ Like you’re falling in love with me. _

Sooyoung doesn’t answer, “put the music on I’m ready.” Jinsoul’s lip is jutted out, her eyes sunken. But she listens, although it’s clear she wants to comfort Sooyoung right now. Sooyoung’s glad she decides against it. She doesn’t want to fall into Jinsoul’s arms. Jinsoul keeps glances at her, all empathetic and concerned.

They do a normal routine, Sooyoung tells herself Jinsoul has forgotten about her opening up. However, the blonde still stares at her through the mirror as they start to sweat more and more. Sooyoung hasn’t done aerobics in a long time, but she does remember how it was never this hot, or suffocating.

She doesn’t remember sweating this much, or being this out of breath.

She doesn’t remember her heart beating this fast.

And she realizes it’s not the repetitive motions to the beat of the pop song, but Jinsoul’s stare. Intense. Like she’s been put under a microscope to be studied. A tougher motion begins and Jinsoul finally pulls her gaze away. Sooyoung closes her eyes when she hears the blonde grunt from exhaustion. 

After six songs, Sooyoung reties her shoe laces as she listens to the rhythmic, hard breathing from the girl beside her. Sooyoung has refused to look at Jinsoul. It’s entirely too distracting. It makes it harder to keep her mind from wandering places it shouldn’t. The sounds Jinsoul’s makes, the way the sweat rolls off her body. 

Sooyoung can’t stand it anymore and glances to her side. Jinsoul’s pulling off her shirt, leaving her in a sports bra. Sooyoung exhales, looks away. She hates how her mouth dries and that her mind tells her Jinsoul’s the last water source that exists. Sooyoung does look again, at the curve of Jinsoul’s waist, how perfectly it dips. The faint line of abs and how her hips stretch the band of her shorts.

Jinsoul’s beautiful, in the worst way.

Because it just reminds Sooyoung that she could have her if she just said yes. But she doesn’t want to touch what’s not meant to be touched by her.

Jinsoul feels like a private exhibit that only one special person can see.

Sooyoung doesn’t think she’s that special.

When they start again, Sooyoung eye’s keep falling towards Jinsoul’s reflection. The blonde doesn’t notice at first, too tired from the recessive exercise. Eventually, Jinsoul meets her gaze, and works harder.

Jinsoul smirks at her.

Sooyoung realizes that she might be too cynical of herself. That she is special and she deserves to look at Jinsoul all she wants. Because Jinsoul likes her and that’s all that matters. No one can tell her this feeling is wrong, when this girl, who's’ basically an angel, tells her it’s okay to want her.

So she does.

She doesn’t take her eyes off Jinsoul.

~~~~

Jinsoul sits on the floor, chugging water as Sooyoung dances to DeBarge, prime time, like she’s a robot. She tries to make fun of the girl, but she’s actually excellent at dancing. “God you are so lame!”

Sooyoung freezes and turns robotically, waving one of her arms at an angle, “what was that? I’m super cool and you’re into me? Thanks I know!” Jinsoul drinks the rest of the water and throws the bottle at Sooyoung’s feet, making the girl jump dramatically. “Hey these are million dollar toes you know!” 

Sitting back onto the mirror, Jinsoul starts to laugh, the music is blaring against the walls. After the song goes off, Sooyoung clutches at her sides and stumbles over to plop down next to her, reaching for a bottle in Jinsoul’s bag. 

Jinsoul watches her drink the entire bottle in one go, “Sooyoung,” The girl finishes with a groan and looks at her before tossing the bottle next to Jinsoul’s previous one. “Do you miss dancing?” Sooyoung shrugs at first and leans her head back onto one of the mirrors. Jinsoul wonders when was the last time Sooyoung danced with someone. 

“I, kinda, it’s a thing of the past really.” Sooyoung says, no emotion in her voice. “It was fun, sure but it’s what my parents wanted me to do with my life, not what I really wanted. When I dance it reminds me of them.” 

Jinsoul frowns, “I’m sorry. I should have-”

“You didn’t know Jinsoul.” Sooyoung cuts her off and smiles softly, reassuring her she’s done nothing wrong. Jinsoul can’t help but feel for Sooyoung.

Standing up Jinsoul makes her way over to the radio, switching through stations until she hits a certain one. It’s a slower song, Jinsoul doesn’t remember what it’s called but it is by Diana Ross. Jinsoul pulls Sooyoung to her feet and puts one hand on the girl’s waist while the other holds her wrist. The girl looks at her panicked almost, like this is something that she hasn’t done before. 

It’s awkward but Jinsoul loves the way Sooyoung fits against her. “Come on, relax. So whenever you dance you’ll think of this instead. I wanna give you a new memory.” Jinsoul smiles through the words and Sooyoung just stares at her. 

Even though Sooyoung was a great dancer, she’s terrible at this. Jinsoul doesn’t say anything as the girl keeps stepping on her toes and stumbles around clumsily. “Sorry, I, um no one has ever danced with me.” Jinsoul bites her lip and grabs both of Sooyoung’s wrists and lifts them over her shoulders, she makes it to where it’s a lot simpler motion, she remembers how Sooyoung hates complicated.

Jinsoul shakes her head, now their feet are shifting side to side. “That’s a shame really, you’re a good dancer.” Sooyoung makes a pitiful face and Jinsoul just wants to kiss the expression away but she can’t. “You are so pretty Sooyoung.” 

Sooyoung blushes, “stop, you’re just-”

“Saying the truth.”

Jinsoul blinks as Sooyoung leans into her, laying her forehead on her shoulder. Her hands barely hang to her back. Sooyoung was an extremely awkward hug giver, but Jinsoul hugs back anyways, pausing on the movement of her feet. “I feel like no one has ever seen me the way you see me.” The older girl mumbles into Jinsoul’s collar bone. Sooyoung starts to seriously doubt that all those girls that said they were in love with her were telling the truth. Because the look Jinsoul is giving her makes her feel more than they ever did. Or maybe it’s just her, maybe it means so much more because she knows Jinsoul likes her more than anyone else has.

“Are you trying to be cute or something?” 

Jinsoul’s joking but Sooyoung’s shoulders start to bounce, like she was crying. Sure enough, Jinsoul can feel tears leak through her shirt. “People have been really bad to me in the past Jinsoul, and I get scared sometimes. I get scared that it’s going to happen again.” Jinsoul has no idea where this is coming from, but she hates the fact that Sooyoung is crying. So she properly holds her, like a girl should be held when she’s crying. “Please don’t get mad at me if I get scared.”

Smoothing her palms over the girl’s back Jinsoul tries to tell Sooyoung she won’t, she’ll never be angry with her.

“If I get scared please don’t go away.” 

Jinsoul shushes her, “What kind of friend would be if I did that, we all have our fears Sooyoung, mines a broken nail and yours…” Sooyoung pulls away, tear soaked cheeks. Jinsoul wipes them all away. “I’ll make sure to make it better, when you get scared.” 

“I can’t be the girl you want.” Sooyoung tells her.

She has no idea, Jinsoul thinks. 

“You already are silly.” Sooyoung’s lip quivers and she looks down, “it’s okay, you can cry.” Sooyoung is borderline embarrassed, but a sob does hiccup through her lips. “I’ll be here, everytime okay.” Jinsoul means it, pushing Sooyoung’s hair behind her ear and gently rubbing her knuckles across her cheek.

“I won’t ever let you cry alone again.”

~~~~

At Jinsoul house, Sooyoung won’t let go. “Sooyoung, I gotta go.” They’re holding hands, their arms are stretched out since Jinsoul was trying to go one way but Sooyoung was clinging to her hand.

Sooyoung’s fingers slip and now, the only thing keeping them together is the pinkies that are locked. “Promise you’ll call?” Jinsoul looks down at their still, barely connected hands and nods. How could Sooyoung expect her to be just her friend when she acted this cute. 

“Of course.”

Sooyoung lets go finally, “Bye Jinsoul.”

Jinsoul stares at her for a few moments, and now she’s the one that doesn’t want to turn away. “Bye Sooyoung.”

Five more minutes, they don’t move. Just staring at each other.

Sooyoung’s the first to walk away and Jinsoul watches her, slowly as she disappears into the night. 

~~~~

Sooyoung’s in an amazing mood really, today’s the day she and Jinsoul’s going to that concert. Sooyoung was excited for only one reason, while the blonde was probably freaking out, she was only happy she was going to get to spend time with Jinsoul.

She’s trying to finish up work so she can go ahead and see Jinsoul already.

Someone knocks on her door.

Sooyoung slips her headphones down and frowns. It’s her boss, Lee Soo-Man, “Hi Mr. Lee, how can I help?”

He smiles, it’s a gentle smile but Sooyoung knows something is bad about to come out of his mouth. “The game is coming along excellent except…” Sooyoung holds her breath, “the progress is a bit slow. How about you stay in for tonight? The next couple days actually and you can go back to your normal schedule.”

“Actually I-“

“It’s not really up for discussion Sooyoung, I gave you this job for a reason. Don’t disappoint me.” He smiles then and turns to leave. 

Sooyoung snaps her headphones in her hands. 

~~~~

As always I hope you all enjoy this! Tell me if you liked it or not hehe Lots of love muah!

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  


  
  



	22. Yukika

It’s seven-thirty and Sooyoung’s still not here.

“Jinsoul, if you don’t go soon you’ll miss the show.” She looks up at her mom who is holding up a pair of red pumps. Jinsoul reluctantly takes them and bites the inside of her cheeks to keep herself from crying. Her make-up is already done, she can’t ruin it. Putting on her heels she stands up to check herself out in the mirror one last time.

She has on a full bodysuit, with a deep v cut, and leopard print that’s just the right amount tight. A matching red belt and a dark red, studded leather jacket. She messes with her hair a bit more, Jinsoul teased it so much it’s curled inches above her head. Turning to her mom again she pouts, “I look perfect right ?” 

Her mom nods with a sad smile and reaches over to kill the top of her head. “You look amazing sweetie, are you sure you don’t wanna get someone else to go?” Jinsoul shakes her head, there was no point. Sooyoung had the other ticket and it looks like she wasn’t going to show up.

Jinsoul leaves without another word. 

~~~~

“It took you long enough where the fuck were you.” Jennie smirks at her and hands Sooyoung a paper bag. 

The girl is furiously typing away on a computer, while simultaneously writing down notes. “Hard day?” Sooyoung gives her a look and Jennie nods her head in understandment. 

Sooyoung then starts to strip right in front of her, “you have no idea and now I’m gonna be late to meet Jinsoul, what time is it?”

Jennie checks her watch, “a lil after eight.”

The girl freezes while jerking her shirt off, “what?”

“A lil after eight o’ clock.”

Sooyoung rubs a hand down her face and curse, “oh...fuck! I’m not gonna make it, that stupid asshole.” The girl frantically rips the rest of her clothes off, leaving her in a pair of white underwear that Jennie snorts at. She glances around, there’s only one other person left in the office and he’s asleep. “What the fuck?”

Jennie turns back to Sooyoung to see the girl holding up the dress she brought her, “what? I couldn’t get into your place so I just bought something of mine, trust me, you need to broaden your horizons anyway.” Sooyoung looks at the silver cherita mini dress and then back at Jennie with a scary expression, “it’ll look good I promise, I even brought your heels and some bling.” Jennie says while holding the items in question up.

Sooyoung rolls her eyes and puts the dress on, it’s a bit short on her but she doesn't have time for other options. Jennie hands Sooyoung the heels, then the jewelry an as the girl puts earrings in, Jennie scoots forward to touch up on her makeup. Sooyoung tries to keep her face still as Jennie applies some blush and lipstick. 

When they’re finished, all in the span of, Jennie checks her clock. Six minutes. Sooyoung is already packing up to leave, “thanks, I owe you one. Coffee next week?”

Jennie smiles, even though she hates coffee. But it’s nice to see Sooyoung excited once in her life. It’s nice to see her happy. “Sure, go have fun with your girlfriend.”

Sooyoung blushes, “she’s not my...god whatever bye.” 

Jennie watches her jog out and waits until the office is quiet again. Jennie sits in Sooyoung’s chair and pretends she’s the boss for once.

Outside, Sooyoung doesn’t struggle to catch a cab with the way she looks. Jumping in as soon as one stops she doesn’t wait for small talk, “Block-Creative Venue, make it quick too. I’m in a hurry and I’ll pay double.”

The man looks at her through the rearview mirror, “you know how hard it is to drive fast at this time of the night? Traffic is crazy.” Sooyoung glares at him, “okay, okay, I’ll try my best.” Sooyoung nods as a thanks and tries to sort herself out so she doesn’t look so much like a mess. “Late for your date?”

Sooyoung thinks of Jinsoul, how the girl must have pouted this whole time. Shit, she should have called. “Yeah.”

“Well you’re looking good, I’m sure he won’t be mad when he sees you in that dress.” Sooyoung ignores the man, and he takes the hint to shut up and drive.

However, Sooyoung hopes he’s right. She hopes Jinsoul won’t be too mad at her.

Besides, she did look amazing in Jennie’s dress.

~~~~

Jinsoul thinks this must be a heartbreak. She’s been so excited all week and Sooyoung just doesn’t show up, no call, no nothing. She stands in line sadly, trying not to cry from the utter disappointment and emptiness inside her chest.

_ That idiot _ . All she can think about is Sooyoung and if she’s okay. What if she was hurt or something? Jinsoul couldn’t stop worrying. She knew she would have more fun with Sooyoung, but Jinsoul was gonna have enough fun for the both of them.

Sooyoung wouldn’t have stood her up like this, she knows it.

Giving the ticket person her pass she’s let inside. Jinsoul slowly weaves herself through the crowd and to the spot she’s designated, only to stare at the empty spot beside her. Jinsoul clutches at her leather coat and pulls it tighter around herself. She glances around her, Jinsoul gets jealous at all the excited friends and happy couples. All sorts of people laughing and smiling. 

But she’s stuck here pouting.

Jinsoul pushes Sooyoung to the back of her mind.

~~~~

“Please just let me in for fucks sake!” 

“Sorry, doors closed about ten minutes ago.”

Sooyoung stares down at the ground and back up, squaring up to the man he doesn’t flinch at her threat so she gives up. Or at least, that’s what she lets him think. Her heels click on the pavement as she tries to find a fire escape. On her way there she spots a couple, the guy is trying to give this girl some flowers when Sooyoung plucks them out of his hand.

Starting to jog she apologizes, “sorry! They’re for my girlfriend!” Sooyoung lets it slip and she stares down at the flowers,  _ girlfriend?...oh brother.  _ Her heart races at the thought. God she wants Jinsoul. She wants every part of her. 

Finding the fire escape, Sooyoung uses her spy skills...pushing a trash can over and flipping it upside down to climb up. It’s not the easiest thing she’s done, but she’s done her fair share of running away from certain people. Balancing on the trash can is hard in heels, but she easily reaches the latter and pulls herself up.

Climbing up the steep stairs she luckily finds an open window.

It was like the universe was on her side, while the world was trying to make her fail.

Shifting inside, she sneaks around the corner. She was in an office part of the venue. There’s a bunch of phones ringing and Sooyoung can see all the tired workers moping around. 

Sooyoung’s so preoccupied with sneaking around she almost runs into someone. Standing straight up she tries to act natural, “Hi...um, Hi.” The worker looks at her funny.

“Hi, I don’t know you...what’s your name?”

Great, of course she runs into the curious one, “My name? Oh it’s…” Sooyoung looks around the office and sees a poster for a musical duo. Seulgi and Irene. “Seulgi, my name is Seulgi.” Sooyoung wants to slap herself in the forehead.

He nods his head in acknowledgement like he was rating the name. However, his eyes narrow, “wait a minute.” His gaze follows Sooyoung’s to the posters and Sooyoung does put a palm to her forehead this time. “You’re not Seulgi, I bet you’re one of those stupid reporters that snuck in to get the scoop!”

After shoving the flowers she got for Jinsoul in his face, Sooyoung starts to run again.

“GUARDS! GET HER!”

~~~~

Yukika is amazing and Jinsoul’s never heard of a Sooyoung before. “YUKIKIA I LOVE YOU!!!” Jinsoul screams with tears running down her face, jumping up and down waving her hands like she was crazy for this girl.

Well she was, and so was everyone else around her.

The singer's smile brightens the entire arena and as she jumps around on stage the crowd cheers and chants her name. The music is so much better with a live band and Yukika’s voice is heart melting. Jinsoul’s going to be a puddle by the end of this.

Jinsoul doesn’t notice the girl climbing down a stage ladder. Doesn’t notice how there are three security guards climbing down after her.

Yukika is at the edge of the stage, touching hands and Jinsoul is about to...she can’t help but look at the idiot being chased around on stage, ruining her moment with her the number 1 star in her heart.

Until she realizes it’s  _ her  _ idiot.

Sooyoung.

Suddenly, Jinsoul doesn’t remember Yukika. Too enamored by the site of Sooyoung flailing about dodging guards five times her size. Jinsoul’s hand is grabbed by Yukika and the girl turns her attention to the back of the stage where the blonde’s gaze is pointed. There’s a girl being chased by three pairs of meaty hands in a beautiful dress and the band slow down on the rhythm of the song.

The crowd is cheering and laughing but Jinsoul starts to smile, her heart pounding out of her chest. “T-that’s my friend! THAT’S MY BEST FRIEND!” Jinsoul bounces and screams at Yukika, squeezing one of the singer’s hands between her own. “SOOYOUNG!!! SOOYOUNG!!!” 

Sooyoung turns to her and smiles widely, waving like the biggest dork and one of the security grabs her. Jinsoul cries out, almost crushing Yukika’s hand. But the singer turns to her and smiles, “that’s your friend?” Jinsoul nods frantically and Yukika licks her lips, “don’t worry babe I’ll save her.” Then she winks.

Yukika winks at Jinsoul. 

Jinsoul faints.

Sooyoung is clawing her nails into some older man’s face when a velvet voice echoes through the stadium, “hey hey, that’s not how we treat a girl now is it?” The security guard scoffs, “let her into the crowd let’s have a fun night tonight okay?” 

Reluctantly, with the pop-star staring at him and the crowd booing, he lets Sooyoung down. The crowd goes wild as Sooyoung is let free and she bows to Yukika who smiles at her. Sooyoung sashays to the edge of the stage and sees everyone cheering for her. But not her biggest fan.

“Hey over here!” There’s a guy holding Jinsoul and Sooyoung hops off the stage and immediately takes the blonde in her arms. She’s passed out cold. She isn’t heavy though and Sooyoung easily keeps her upright, pulling her away from the crowd and to the corner of the stage she waits for Jinsoul to come back. 

Sooyoung feels her heart still. She wipes some of Jinsoul’s sweaty baby hairs away and fixes her make-up smudges. Sooyoung doesn’t shy away from staring at Jinsoul now. Admiring all that Jinsoul is to her and the rest of this world. It even seemed Yukika, a pop-star took a liking to her by the way she kept glancing in their direction. 

Jinsoul only wants to be hers though.

Sooyoung thinks she loves Jinsoul, just a little bit. She has the smallest amount of love for Jinsoul, but still, it feels like so much, almost too much. How is she gonna survive if she falls for this girl? How is she gonna make it when her heart can’t even take this. 

This kinda love that sneaked right up onto Sooyoung without her even knowing. This girl didn’t need to knock down her walls. She walked straight past them.

Jinsoul’s eyes flutter open and it’s all Sooyoung’s ever wanted. For someone to look at her like that. Jinsoul pretends to pass out again and Sooyoung laughs, “hey! Jung Jinsoul I know you’re awake now!” Sooyoung tugs her closer to her chest. She looked beautiful tonight, Sooyoung couldn’t believe this girl had fallen into her hands. 

The blonde smacks her arm, “but you were looking at me like I was an angel!” Sooyoung shakes her head even though what she said was true. This girl was an angel to her. Jinsoul bounces up and Sooyoung throws her arms around the blonde’s shoulders, squeezing her so tight she shouldn’t be able to breathe. Sooyoung wants to keep Jinsoul forever and forever, she doesn’t want to let go.

Jinsoul’s arms fit snug around her waist as Sooyoung apologizes, “I’m so sorry, I got caught up at work and I didn’t think-“

“Shhh shut up, you’re gonna ruin the moment.” Sooyoung smiles and buries her face in Jinsoul’s shoulder, taking in the smell of the blonde’s perfume. It’s the one that Sooyoung got her, the one that was expensive but fit her so well. 

Staring at each other, they both giggle at the same time and bounce around. “God you look amazing.” Sooyoung whispers into blonde hair and Jinsoul pulls back, there’s a sparkle in her eye.

“Me!? Look at you!” She blushes at Jinsoul’s words and does a twirl for the blonde, as soon as they’re facing again, Sooyoung latches back onto Jinsoul’s shoulders. She doesn’t want to be apart from her no longer, “I missed you! I thought you ditched me!” Jinsoul says sadly while squeezing at Sooyoung’s waist.

“I wouldn’t miss this for anything.”

She stares into Jinsoul’s eyes, it’s there and she can feel it. She’s scared but she can take it. 

God, she wants it.

Sooyoung has to have it. 

“I really want to kiss you right now.” Jinsoul’s eyes are dark when she says it. The blonde is so pretty it hurts. Sooyoung’s chest is so tight right now she feels like it’s gonna cave into itself and the only one that can save her is Jinsoul. 

Sooyoung brings her thumb up to Jinsoul’s cheek and gently rubs across it, “I want you to kiss me,” Sooyoung replies in a hushed tone. Jinsoul’s gaze flickers between her own. Then the biggest smile stretches across Jinsoul’s face and Sooyoung finally experiences what it’s like to be out of control. 

She doesn’t want to control this feeling.

She can’t stop her heart from racing.

Jinsoul’s eyes drop down to her lips and Sooyoung can’t help but to bite them. The blonde leans forward and plants her lips on her forehead instead. Jinsoul’s lips are so soft, warm, Sooyoung doesn’t think she’ll ever find anything else to make her feel this way. 

The blonde gives her every kind of kiss except the one on her lips.

Somehow, it’s still the best kisses she’s ever had.

Jinsoul repeatedly kisses her cheek now and Sooyoung grows addicted to the blonde’s lips, “ _ you...are...so. _ ..” Between every word Sooyoung gets to experience pure heaven. She scrunches her face up happily and digs her blunt nails into Jinsoul’s sides. Every press of Jinsoul’s lips, Sooyoung leans into them. 

Their noses press together and Sooyoung isn’t even scared that there’s a crowd around them. It’s only her and Jinsoul, she feels like as long as this girl is beside her, she doesn’t have to worry about a single thing. 

Jinsoul pulls her back up to the front, only smiling at her. Sooyoung tries to memorize just how special Jinsoul’s smile is in this moment. She never wants to forget that she made Jinsoul smile like that. 

Sooyoung doesn’t pay attention to the show.

She traces the curve of Jinsoul’s jawline over and over again. 

Until it’s the only thing she knows.

~~~~

Jinsoul is basically vibrating in her hands, she’s one of four that gets to go backstage with Yukika. Sooyoung worked hard (or really played hard) to get Jinsoul this kinda packaged deal. “I’m meeting Yukika...fuck oh my god Sooyoung you have no idea-”

A security guard pops his head out, the same one that tried to grab Sooyoung. They share a glare before Sooyoung tightens her grip on Jinsoul’s waist. “You can come on back.” They walk side by side, Sooyoung hums at all the set up and lighting, it was expensive and her brain, wired by loving technology, goes a bit tunnel vision.

She doesn’t even notice Jinsoul slipping out of her grip before she starts to feel cold from the loss of warmth. Sooyoung stares at her hand that was secured on Jinsoul’s hip sadly, since it was empty now.

Looking up she finds Jinsoul holding hands with the star herself. They’re going on and on to each other like long-lost friends. Sooyoung struggles not to roll her eyes, she can’t get jealous over a pop-star for christs sake, instead she just focuses on how cute Jinsoul is while fangirling over her favorite star.

A part of Sooyoung wishes she didn’t have to share Jinsoul, another part of her was proud that everyone loved Jinsoul. It’s what the girl deserved, she deserved the whole world. 

After ten or so minutes of the two telling each other how pretty they are, Yukika turns to Sooyoung. “Hi, your friend was really excited to see you, I was shocked myself, you had a better entrance than I did.” 

Sooyoung smiles sheepishly, “yeah sorry about that...um, Sooyoung.” She reaches her hand out to shake Yukika’s and Jinsoul glares at her like she was dumb.

The pop-star raises a brow but takes her hand anyways, “no worries, trust me, I wouldn’t go on tour if there wasn’t any fun in it. You and your friend made my night.” Jinsoul contains a squeal behind them. All heart eyes for Yukika, Sooyoung fakes a smile and lets go of the pop-star's hand. “I would regret it if I didn’t ask this, but would you like to go on the road with me for a bit? There’s something about you that I think would make the trip a lot less boring.”

Yukika is now directly talking to Jinsoul and Sooyoung goes wide-eyed. Was she just asking Jinsoul to be her groupie? Sooyoung probably looks pathetic, pleading with eyes as Jinsoul nervously looks between them. The blonde giggles and twirls her hair, “I’d love to!”

Sooyoung should go bury her grave now. The scenario plays out in her head like a horror movie. Jinsoul is gone for months, falling in love with Yukika, then having a tour romance. Sooyoung is slowly but surely forgotten about. Yukika writes a song about Jinsoul- they end up eloping because the song is so successful while Sooyoung is stuck in an office alone and-

“But I’m gonna have to say no...I, kinda have a few things here I can’t leave behind.” Jinsoul says shyly and steals a glance at Sooyoung, “thank you so much for asking though, and I know it would be amazing, it’s just-”

Sooyoung lets out a long breath, loudly at that, relieved and causes the both of them to break eye contact to stare at her. Yukika seems to notice just what Jinsoul can’t leave behind. 

“Oh, I understand. Hey if we ever cross again, I’ll make sure we’ll do something together more than this.” Yukika smirks knowingly at Sooyoung, like she was just trying to tease her. Jinsoul nods eagerly and the popstar hugs her. Sooyoung doesn’t watch of course, giving them privacy and before she knows it she’s being dragged out by the hands. 

Jinsoul beams up at her, “god that was so weird wasn’t it!” The tone of her voice boiling with excitement. 

Sooyoung nods for agreement, “I think she was flirting with you.”

The blonde blushes clearly giddy at the fact, “really?” Sooyoung rolls her eyes and of course Jinsoul catches it, “awe is someone jealous, Sooyoung you’re still number one in my heart but come on that’s Yukika!” She says it's the most known fact in the world. 

“Is that why you said no?” Sooyoung can’t help but ask, she wants to know if she was one of the things that Jinsoul can’t leave behind. 

She wants to be. 

Jinsoul squeezes her hand and Sooyoung makes sure to focus on every feature of Jinsoul’s, just to make sure the girl doesn’t lie to her. But Jinsoul stares straight at her, her eyes are honest, soft, “I think you know exactly why I said no.” 

Sooyoung’s heart leaps to her throat and doesn’t say anything back. In fact, she doesn’t think it’s physically possible for her to say anything back when Jinsoul lifts their joined hands and presses her lips to them. 

“I know we’re friends, but I do really like you Sooyoung. And when you look at me like that it gets my hopes up, makes me think you like me too.” 

_ Jung Jinsoul you have no idea. _

Sooyoung glances away, like she was caught doing something she wasn’t supposed to be doing. Which, in a way she was. She promised Jinsoul she’d play fair. But how is she supposed to do that when this feels so right?

“You still want me to kiss you?”

Clenching her jaw, Sooyoung finds her eyes subconsciously moving to Jinsoul’s lips. Her mouth goes dry. She craves something, it’s the taste of Jinsoul. Her heart is being tugged in two different directions however. One part is the rational, telling her this is a terrible idea. The other is Jennie’s words, replaying over and over again like a broken record.

_ Love is like the lottery, you can’t win it unless you take the chance _ . 

Sooyoung’s never been a good gambler though, “maybe.” She loves Jinsoul the tiniest bit, but it’s not enough worth risking for either of them. Sooyoung will love this girl silently, like a shadow, she can’t become this girl’s other source of light when hers has already faded. Sooyoung can’t make the same mistakes she did in the past, and she doesn’t know if she can be the right kind of lover for Jinsoul, or if it’s the wrong time.

_ Who is she kidding anymore... _

“You wanna to, don’t you?” Jinsoul teases and when Sooyoung almost nods without even thinking the blonde leans up, they're a breath apart, but Sooyoung holds hers. “Too bad.” Jinsoul runs away from her, skipping and twirling in the street. Sooyoung stands there like an idiot, her eyes half closed and mouth parted.

She’s craving something.

Jinsoul just might be the sweetest thing she’s ever had.

She wants to taste it again.

~~~~

Somehow, they end up with Yoojung and Doyeon. “Hurry up! We gotta get to this disco before it’s crowded.” Jinsoul and Yoojung are catching up, Sooyoung picks up that the blonde talks more about her surprise entrance than the show itself, Sooyoung doesn’t let it blow her ego up however. 

Sooyoung walks behind with Doyeon. The girl doesn’t say anything for a while, walking in silence while Jinsoul and Yoojung hop around happily in front of them. They make it to the disco and sure enough it’s packed. Sooyoung feels a bit ill to her stomach as they shove their way inside.

She grabs Jinsoul’s wrist when the blonde tries to escape to the bar. Jinsoul looks up at her and stumbles closer, so that both their fronts are pressing together. “Can I take you home?” Jinsoul blushes at the question and Sooyoung is quick to backtrack, “not like that, I-”

Sooyoung wants to tell her everything, how she’s feeling, what she wants. She wants to tell Jinsoul that this isn’t a game anymore. She wants to tell Jinsoul that she’s tired of fighting this, she wants to try, no matter how dangerous it may become. She wants Jinsoul to love her.

She wants to love Jinsoul.

“I was about to say, I didn’t think it would be that easy to win, I thought you were breaking the deal we had.” Jinsoul cuts her off and teases. Sooyoung rolls her eyes even though the blonde was kinda right. She did want to take Jinsoul home, but not for that reason. 

From the moment she met Jinsoul she had no intentions of getting close to her.

Now, all Sooyoung can see is Jinsoul.

“I just want to be alone with you. Just for a little while.” Sooyoung says innocently. She knows what the blonde is thinking when her eyes gloss over a bit. She can’t...give into this desire yet. Even though it’s driving her insane. Sooyoung wants to prove that Jinsoul means more to her than that. She doesn’t want to take this any further until she’s ready. 

Jinsoul tilts her head and leans a bit closer, “okay, we can do that.” Something blooms in Sooyoung. Jinsoul has always chased after her, and she’s done running away from it.

But before they can leave, they’re separated. Yoojung begins to take Jinsoul to the bar and Doyeon slips behind Sooyoung, throwing an arm over her shoulder. “Sorry, can I borrow her for a second?” Doyeon asks Jinsoul, who’s glaring at her. 

Sooyoung smiles apologetically and Jinsoul nods, understanding and turns to walk away with Yoojung. Doyeon whispers in her ear, “we need to have a talk, playgirl.” Sooyoung grimaces and allows herself to be dragged away by Doyeon’s tight hold.

They step outside, Doyeon offers her a cigarette. “Thought you didn’t smoke?” Sooyoung asks her, before taking the offer and holding the stick to her lips while Doyeon lights it for her. 

“Neither do you, but here we are.” Doyeon flicks the lighter off and Sooyoung takes a long drag. They stand in silence for a few moments. Sooyoung licks her lips at the bitter taste. Car after car pulls up, groups of girls pile out of them. Men goof around while walking towards the entrance of the disco. “What are your intentions with Jinsoul?” 

Sooyoung looks up at Doyeon, daring the girl to make the assumption. She’s still the same girl, but Sooyoung’s habits are dying fast. “Not what you think they are.” She answers vaguely and Doyeon breaks their staredown.

“Don’t even know why I asked.” The taller girl mumbles out before pointing a finger at her, “I think this is what happened.” Sooyoung holds her hand out, offering for Doyeon to continue, even though she knows she’ll be wrong. “At first, you wanted nothing to do with her. She was too much for you to handle, that is, until you saw the challenge in her.” Sooyoung smiles slightly, Jinsoul was a handful, but she never saw it as a challenge, it only became an obsession for her. 

Sooyoung glances at her neglected cigarette watching it burn slowly, the ashes barely hanging on, it might rain tonight. “So you got bored and decided you were gonna pursue her. You’ve been on your best behavior for this girl to like you, to trust you. Just so you can break her like you’ve done every other one of your conquests. We both know how charming you can be, and at the same time, how cruel.” The girl finishes sarcastically. 

“That isn’t true. I don’t just...hurt anyone because I want to, because that’s what gets me off. I can’t help it the girls that I have sex with always want more than I can give them. The reason I haven't gone there with Jinsoul is that exact reason.” Sooyoung says. She’s never manipulated anyone. Especially not Jinsoul, that’s just what everyone assumes when she doesn’t do relationships. When she rejects the idea of commitment. Sooyoung never wanted to break anyone on purpose. 

She hopes Jinsoul doesn’t think the same.

Doyeon smiles, “yeah it’s not, is it. Trust me, people think wrong things about me too. I just wanted to check and make sure you weren't really an asshole.” The taller girl flicks her cigarette, “Jinsoul’s not the girl that she seems to be.” Sooyoung raises a brow, “she’s tough to crack, a lot like you. She’s been messed with a lot her whole life so she doesn’t take too kindly to any fake shit. Extra defensive, guarded, you hardly ever catch her vulnerable. Hard to get on her good side, she won’t respect you till you show her some yourself.” 

Sooyoung keeps quiet. Tosses her cigarette down and smashes it with her heel. She hates smoking after all.

“It’s not easy to get her, not a lot of people take the time to do that. But you did. Once you get past all that...fire that she has, she’s pretty amazing isn’t she?”

Doyeon explains, she’s sincere with her words and Sooyoung knows she cares about her. “She trusts you, likes you a lot and at first I had no idea why. I thought you were just messing with her.” Jinsoul was too much at first for Sooyoung, but now it isn’t enough. “It’s because you actually like her, more than you’ve ever liked anyone else. When all those other girls made the mistake in thinking you liked them but...this thing you got with Jinsoul, means a lot to you doesn’t it?”

Sooyoung bites the inside of her cheek and nods her head. She looks at Doyeon, pleading, she knows exactly what’s going on inside her head. She wonders if Doyeon has always been this thoughtful, observant. Sooyoung wants to know the best way she can go about this. 

“You take her more seriously than anyone else does. You understand her like any of us never could, hell, Yoojung is even confused sometimes and they’re up each other's ass.” Doyeon admits, even though she hates being on Sooyoung’s side. She’s gotta hand it to this girl. Most people wouldn’t be this patient with Jinsoul. But Sooyoung took her time to do it right. “You don’t want to hurt her, but you like her so much you don’t think you can stop yourself from letting something happen.” 

Sooyoung rubs a hand down her face. Hates how everything that comes out of Doyeon’s mouth has truth to it.

“You don’t trust her, do you? Not yet at least.”

Sooyoung thinks for a moment, she feels safe with Jinsoul...but does she trust her? Apparently the hesitation is an answer on it’s own. “If you don’t trust her, don’t you think one of you will end up getting hurt, no matter how much you don’t want it to happen?” While Jennie was her voice of hope, it seems to crumble down with Doyeon’s voice of reason. “Now, you don’t have the guts to fully reject her, because you don’t want to. And you’re dragging her along on a thin string.” 

“I want to try.” Sooyoung suddenly says, “don’t I owe her that? To at least try.”

Doyeon smiles at her, the first time she’s ever smiled sincerely at Sooyoung. “Tell her the truth, Jinsoul’s a nice girl after all. She’ll understand, she’ll wait a while longer.” 

“I don’t think I can keep leading her on like this. She...it’s hard to keep rejecting her when all I want to do is be with her. All I want to do is give her everything.”

The taller girl hums and flicks her cigarette away, “hmm, start something that might end hurting one of you,” Doyeon then raises a brow at her, “or wait until you’re ready for something that may last. I think you know what you should do Sooyoung.” 

Sooyoung knows what she has to do now. She has to trust Jinsoul. Right now...it’s not there yet. She doesn’t think she could tell Jinsoul all her secrets. Sooyoung hopes that Jinsoul understands. She hopes Jinsoul doesn’t get tired of waiting and leaves like everyone else has in her life.

But something makes Sooyoung doubt that.

When Jinsoul has chased after her all this time. Sooyoung doesn’t think this girl will back down. Sooyoung knows Jinsoul must be the right girl for her. So she wants to be the right girl for Jinsoul, even if it takes time.

She wants to be. God she wants to be the right girl for her. 

Sooyoung has to be.

She  _ will _ be.

“Doyeon Jesus what are you all doing?!” Sooyoung jumps at the sound of Yoojung's voice. Doyeon shoves the lighter and cigarettes into her tummy and greets her girlfriend with a loving kiss. Sooyoung wants that, she’s wishing for it.“What were you two talking about?” Yoojung groans, “you all were out there too long and I can’t find Jinsoul.” She hears the girl mumble to Doyeon. Sooyoung crumbles the packet in her hand, tossing it to the ground before playing with the lighter.

After a second or two, she walks off.

Doyeon shrugs, watching Sooyoung’s retreating form carefully, “giving relationship advice.”

Her girlfriend glares at her.

“What?”

“God Doyeon, stop getting into people’s business! You’re gonna make Sooyoung scared to death and she’s never gonna ask out Jinsoul!” 

“Isn’t that the point?”

Yoojung pinches the bridge of her nose, “Ugh no, babe look, you need to let them figure it out themselves. I feel like Sooyoung is sensitive or something, anything you tell her she’ll take it to heart.” 

Scratching the back of her head, Doyeon sheepishly replies. “I don’t want her hurting Jinsoul.” Yoojung looks up at her softly, and reaches to hold one of her cheeks. Doyeon leans into the touch.

“Doyeon, I’ve hurt you before. More than I should have but we figured it out. We’re okay.”

Yoojung sighs and looks away and suddenly Doyeon feels like an ass. Maybe it would hurt Jinsoul more if nothing ever did happen. Maybe she would move on before Sooyoung ever trusted her. “Okay, whatever....”

Her girlfriend rolls her eyes and grabs her hand. “Come on, let’s find Jinsoul.” 

~~~~

Jinsoul is dancing her ass off. In the middle of the crowd she dances with many people, girls, guys, god even now she’s dancing with the DJ, cheering him on as he plays remixed disco tracks. 

Currently beside him, as he expertly spins the track, she looks for Sooyoung. The whole time she’s been searching for her and well it’s like she’s disappeared, like a ghost. 

The DJ bumps her, “hey, baby, you want some?” Jinsoul looks down at one long pinky nail, white powder stuffed into it.

Her eyes widen and she gives him a nervous smile. “Errr no thanks!” The DJ shrugs and lifts it to his nose, inhaling strongly and shaking his face afterwards. Jinsoul quietly shuffles away from the stand and back into the crowd. Slowly, her energy starts to fade, since Sooyoung basically disappeared and she can’t find any of her friends. 

She spots a familiar looking face and thanks whoever is out there for making Doyeon so tall. Jinsoul narrows her eyes as she notices the two are arguing. Shoving her way through bodies she grabs onto Yoojung’s arm, “hey! I’ve been looking for you all forever!” 

They both ignore her, continuing to argue for whatever reason. While Yoojung talks a mile a minute Doyeon just stares at her. 

“Helloooo?” They both turn to look at her for a second, then they’re back to pretending that she doesn't exist. “Where’s Sooyoung?” Suddenly, Yoojung stops talking and Doyeon’s face pales. 

Jinsoul watches them as they communicate without the words and Doyeon keeps tipping her head to the side. “I don’t wanna tell her!” Yoojung whispers under her breath but as Doyeon persists she reluctantly turns around, “um we think she dipped!” 

Instantly, the smile on Jinsoul’s face drops. 

“She felt sick.” Doyeon excuses and Jinsoul rolls her eyes.

“Bullshit.” She pushes through the two to exit out of the disco. She has a lifetime to dance, but only one night to confess to Sooyoung once again. She’s not giving back the invitation Sooyoung gave her.

It feels like her only chance.

~~~~

Of course, as Jinsoul’s luck couldn’t get any worse, it started to storm.

“Oh this is so fucking unfair.” Jinsoul says to herself as rain continues to pour down on her. She had no money to get a cab, and she isn’t entirely sure where she’s going. 

Soon enough she sees the familiar signs, the ones she memorized that lead her to Sooyoung’s apartment. She remembered them since the first night she followed the girl home.

It seems like she was destined to follow Sooyoung home. Just like she has now.

Jinsoul is pissed but can’t help but to skip through the rain, even though her hair, makeup and damn, her whole outfit is being ruined by the weather. But that doesn’t come close to comparing to the feeling of Sooyoung’s lips on hers.

She thinks she’ll be experiencing that feeling again. 

Jinsoul bites her lip and giggles. Jinsoul knows she has to break the deal, she’ll have to suffer the consequences, but really is it such a bad thing if she gets to have Sooyoung?

Finally, Jinsoul thinks. No matter what, she’ll have Sooyoung. Maybe for one night. Maybe for one week, month, year. 

Maybe forever.

It doesn’t matter, she’s gotta have her one way or another. Jinsoul wants her like nothing she’s ever wanted before.

Sooyoung can hurt her. Jinsoul’s done plenty of preparation. She’s ready for anything to happen. The only thing that cannot happen though is them ending on bad terms.

Jinsoul promised that she wouldn’t stop being friends with her no matter what happened. That was in the deal, there was no fine print, no signatures. But a deal is a deal. Pinky-promises meant more to Jinsoul than contracts that could be shredded.

It’s not like Jinsoul could ever leave Sooyoung alone anyways.

Poor girl, Jinsoul thinks, she’s stuck with her forever, kind of. It’s just the way she’s stuck with her. Jinsoul shivers at the thought. She has an idea what might happen when she meets Sooyoung at her apartment.

It could go one or two ways.

Sooyoung is sweet to her, maybe does some patching up, warm tea, stuff like that.

Or, Jinsoul is...well warmed up in another way.

Either option is great, if they could do both that would be even better. 

Jinsoul is trembling with anticipation. She’s anxious to see Sooyoung, she can’t believe how much she already misses her. She guesses it’s because they started something they haven’t finished and Jinsoul’s not the patient type.

Even though the rain is cold, Jinsoul’s never felt hotter.

She doesn’t know how it’s possible to feel everything while Sooyoung isn’t around her. It’s going to be over-stimulating when she sees the girl. 

Jinsoul’s already sensitive.

A man walks past her and Jinsoul desperately asks, “you wouldn’t happen to have some spare change would you? I need to make a call.” The man looks at her sadly, like she was pitiful but Jinsoul is beeming, she feels so alive.

He gives her a few coins, “you lost?”

Jinsoul shakes her head, “I know exactly where I’m going.” She leaves him behind and jogs to the nearest pay phone.

She easily types in the numbers, she memorized them of course.

The phone rings a few times, a soft voice answers. “ _ Hello _ ?”

Jinsoul smiles ear to ear, “baby it’s me.” 

She hears Sooyoung’s voice hitch on the other line and then there’s a shallow breath. “ _ Jinsoul _ ...” Jinsoul giggles into the line and squeezes the phone between her hands.

“Can you remind me where you live again? I want to see you. Really...I mean really...bad.”

“ _ Yeah _ ?”

Sooyoung’s voice is wavering, and a bit hoarse. Jinsoul loves that she’s the cause of that.

“Yeah.”

~~~~

Standing in front of Sooyoung’s door shouldn’t be this scary. Jinsoul goes to knock three times but chickens out. She’s never been this nervous around someone. Jinsoul’s also never liked someone this much.

What she doesn’t know is on the other side of the door, Sooyoung has her forehead pressed to the wood, waiting...and waiting…

Jinsoul wipes her sweaty hands on her clothes and she remembers that she’s wet. In some ways she wouldn’t like to admit, even to herself.

It’s not entirely the rain's fault, Sooyoung has a part in ruining her clothes too. She goes to knock on the door again but it swings open. Sooyoung is standing there awkwardly. 

Jinsoul takes her in, slowly, all the details of her, so she can remember this night vividly. Sooyoung’s hair is half pulled up, she has a tank top on and pajama shorts. They’re extremely short and Jinsoul’s eyes travel posessively all the way down and all the way back up smooth, tan legs.

Her eyes crawl back up and she notices Sooyoung isn’t wearing a bra. Jinsoul smirks, Sooyoung must be happy to see her judging by the way her-

“Uh...hey.”

Jinsoul peaks up from where she was drooling over Sooyoung. Brown eyes, now pitch black. Sooyoung’s cheeks are red and she’s chewing on her bottom lip, it’s swollen and Jinsoul knows she’s been doing that for a while.

The blonde wonders if Sooyoung was biting down to remember how it felt when she bit them all that time ago.

“Hey.” Jinsoul replies back, Sooyoung’s staring at her. Mostly at her lips. But sometimes her eyes dart down and then back up. “Like what you see?”

There’s a tiny noise that comes out of Sooyoung as she grips the door tighter. “Oh shut up.” 

Their eyes meet and god, Jinsoul wouldn’t change anything about this moment. Well, one thing, she wishes they were closer. Much, much closer. Close enough they couldn’t tell the difference between their bodies. Jinsoul knows how to change that though. “Make me.” Jinsoul tilts her head and Sooyoung clenches her jaw. 

Sooyoung doesn’t make a move so Jinsoul steps closer, so close that she feels the hot breath from the girl’s lips. “What about the rules Jinsoul? If one of us broke them.” Every word has a shake to it and Jinsoul reaches to walk some of her fingers up Sooyoung’s tummy. Jinsoul can feel the sharp take of air Sooyoung takes at the touch.

She walks her fingers all the way up, sliding her palm up Sooyoung’s chest and throat, squeezing at the tightness there before cupping the girl’s chin. She wonders if Sooyoung’s heart is pounding as hard as hers. Jinsoul presses her thumb to Sooyoung's lips and gasps when it’s kissed, she thinks they both know the answer to that question.

Pressing her thumb into Sooyoung’s lip’s harder, she whispers out, “fuck the rules baby.” 

The lines blur there. Seconds don’t feel excruciatingly long anymore. Because Jinsoul’s pulled by the back of her neck, more like the hair on her head into Sooyoung’s apartment. Their lips collide desperately, like the both of them have been waiting all their life to do this.

Sooyoung kisses her in a rhythm and it’s messy at the same time. Her lips feel so right against hers. And by the way Sooyoung moans into her mouth, Jinsoul knows she thinks that too. The kiss is warm, it’s soothing, and really too much.

It’s too much for Jinsoul.

So, she lets it consume her. 

Jinsoul continues to let Sooyoung’s mouth slide against hers, she keeps sharing a breath with her every few seconds, when she can’t hold it any longer she lets Sooyoung taste her lips. And Jinsoul hopes Sooyoung likes the taste. She hopes she gets addicted to it.

She hopes it’s her favorite flavor.

She feels everything from the kiss, it feels like more than Jinsoul’s ever done. Nothing has ever made her heart hurt like this, it’s exceeded all her expectations in the best possible way.

Sooyoung isn’t rough with her. The girl’s hands squeeze at her waist and her teeth gently nip at her lips whenever they’re out of air. Sooyoung pulls away, and whispers into her, “off. This needs to be off.” She doesn’t need to clarify because somehow, the soft groan Sooyoung lets out makes Jinsoul understand what she wants.

Taking off her jacket, Sooyoung fumbles around with the small zip on her back, so she can get her bodysuit off. While Jinsoul tries to help her, she leans her head back, allowing Sooyoung to kiss across her cheek, planting what feels like little slices of heat against her jawline. 

Jinsoul hisses when Sooyoung sucks right behind her jaw, below her ear, she bites there as well. Jinsoul makes a louder noise, almost embarrassing with how needy it was. 

But she doesn’t care, Jinsoul knows Sooyoung likes being needed.

So every noise is honest and Sooyoung kisses lower and lower, as she slowly peels the wet fabric off Jinsoul’s body.

Sooyoung presses her lips on Jinsoul’s skin, in so many places she starts to feel numb and tingly at the same time, then she licks her way up. Jinsoul pants at how good it feels. 

Jinsoul pushes her and they’re stumbling towards the couch. She’s backed into it and Sooyoung stands in front of her, and grips her by the chin. “I didn’t think you would come.” Sooyoung tells her, and her eyes are so glossy, it masks the lust and desire in them. For something deeper than that. Than any of this. 

Sooyoung cares about her.

“Of course,” Jinsoul replies and kicks the rest of her clothes off, leaving her only in her panties, “I’m pissed that you left me, of course I came.” 

Sooyoung frowns, “I’m sorry I was...um sick” Jinsoul’s chin is tilted up and Sooyoung’s grip lowers to her jaw. The girl kisses her deeply, a single sensual kiss and pulls away. Sooyoung stares at her, like she’s making sure she doesn’t disappear. Then repeats the kiss over and over again.

Jinsoul asks between one of them. “Don’t you want me, is that why you left?” Jinsoul leans forward as much as she can and kisses Sooyoung’s tummy, and toys with the waistband of her shorts. 

“How can you ask that?” Sooyoung grumbles out, “I have, for so long, Jinsoul. I’ve wanted you so fucking bad for the longest time.” The tone of her voice deepens, every word is hoarse, full of rasp that just proves how Sooyoung has fought this for so long. 

Jinsoul starts to pull down Sooyoung’s shorts and the grip on her throat tightens. “Do you know how many nights of sleep I lost because of you?” Sooyoung seems dizzy with want, her expression is so vulnerable and Jinsoul kisses the girl’s hip bones.

“I think about you all the time...I can’t stop thinking about you. You are always in my head day and night.” Sooyoung admits and climbs onto Jinsoul’s lap, straddling her thighs, the heat that embraces Jinsoul is borderline painful. And instantly, it makes sense to Jinsoul. It’s at that moment there’s no coming back. Sooyoung clings to her and Jinsoul holds on tight, she’ll never let this girl go. 

There’s something in the way Sooyoung looks down at her, like she’s the only thing that exists. Jinsoul loves the way Sooyoung fits into her, she loves that she can hold her and make her breath short. Jinsoul loves that she’s the reason Sooyoung is so desperate to be touched, to be kissed. It makes her head spin. 

Jinsoul’s dreamed of being wanted this much.

Fingers press at Jinsoul’s lips and she lets them inside. They slide against her, pressing into her tongue, and Jinsoul sucks them with the slightest amount of pressure. “So many nights Jung Jinsoul.” 

Sooyoung’s fingers slide out and down her body, “so many nights thinking about your eyes, your lips. How fucking pretty you are.”

Jinsoul loves the way Sooyoung sounds crazy.

“Keep talking.”

“So many nights I was wishing that you were the one touching me instead.”

“Sooyoung.”

“Touch me, please. So I don’t have to keep wishing.” She says it so desperately, pleading. Jinsoul does as she’s told.

Her hands start high, they inch lower and lower. Sliding over every goosebump and any curve that Jinsoul can find. She doesn’t want to stop looking into Sooyoung’s eyes, but she wants to see what she’s feeling. Letting her gaze flicker down, Jinsoul sighs, “oh my god I think i’m gonna pass out.” Sooyoung lightly laughs but then gasps when Jinsoul’s hands reach even lower. 

The girl on her lap curls into her, and Jinsoul has to settle with burying her face into her chest. Now she’ll have to see with her hands. But it’s no problem, Sooyoung’s soft to the touch. So soft that it tears through every inch of Jinsoul’s heart.

Sooyoung’s tiny in her hold, she’s shaking. Jinsoul thinks this girl has been cold all her life because she melts in her arms. Jinsoul will make sure Sooyoung never freezes again. She will make sure she’s always warm.

“Why did you leave me?”

Jinsoul asks, with the mistake of making the question mean more to her than what it seems. She wants Sooyoung to tell her she’d never hurt her again.

Sooyoung pants into the curve of her throat, “I don’t know.” Fingertips ghost across her spine, “I’m sorry Jinsoul, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Jinsoul holds her closer, the feeling of Sooyoung’s skin against hers is all she’s ever wanted. “I’ll make it better, I promise I’ll make it better. I won’t stop until it’s okay, even if it takes all night I won’t stop.” 

Jinsoul sighs as Sooyoung’s words crawl across her skin.

“I won’t hurt you again.”

It doesn’t matter to Jinsoul. She’d give this girl her heart to break into a million different pieces. Jinsoul doesn’t have the self-control anymore, not when giving it feels this good. She doesn’t have the strength to deny what isn’t good for her. Something this bad shouldn’t make her feel things she’s never felt before. Things she might never feel again.

Pulling away, Jinsoul looks into Sooyoung’s eyes and searches. She finds what she's searching for. And asks one more time. “Do you want me?” Jinsoul stares into her and Sooyoung doesn’t even have to say it.

This girl can’t lie. 

It’s in her eyes, the truth.

It’s always been.

Finding Sooyoung’s lips again she presses her words into them. It’s more than a promise. It’s always been more than a promise.

“ _ Then give it to me Sooyoung _ .”

~~~~

omg...I’m sorry you guys

I had to update this tonight Bc tomorrow is gonna be horrible for me so….yasss! See you all next week on Friday lots of love as always MWAH

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	23. Something about us

It’s the way Jinsoul says her name.

Sooyoung knows she’ll never get that feeling from anyone else. 

She’s not dependent on Jinsoul, but if she ever wants to feel this way again. She knows she’ll have to rely on Jinsoul. This girl has ruined her, but Sooyoung can’t seem to be upset about it. Not when it feels more like an awakening than anything.

Sooyoung didn’t think it was possible to feel this good.

If someone were to ask what her definition of perfection was, she’d hold up a picture of Jinsoul. 

Sooyoung told herself she’d never commit to anyone like this again, but god, she hates sleeping alone. And now Jinsoul’s made it to where she’s not going to be able to sleep at all unless she’s there, right in arms reach. Sooyoung told herself, over and over again throughout these years of being alone that she’ll never need anyone. Jinsoul’s made that ideology of hers something of the distant past now, Sooyoung needs Jinsoul, but it isn’t a bad thing. It’s never been bad needing Jinsoul. 

But Jinsoul needing her may be the mistake.

While this is something she’s always wanted. To share herself with someone, especially Jinsoul who walked straight out of a dream, Sooyoung knows she made the mistake. The whole time she and Jinsoul are together, she keeps stealing glances at the door. Afraid that someone will be there, standing with the knife, ready to destroy her all over again. 

It’s just proof what Doyeon said was right. She wasn’t ready for this...not yet. Sooyoung is willing to give up everything for Jinsoul. But it’s not the right time. Sooyoung’s still scared to death. If she can’t love Jinsoul with everything in her at this moment, then it isn’t fair to either of them. Sooyoung’s heart thumps hard, fast, painfully. If Jinsoul needs her, Sooyoung’s not sure she can give it all to her. 

Sooyoung didn’t want to start this, not before she trusted Jinsoul enough to hand her the heart she’s so protective over. When she didn’t have to worry about a single thing, when she knew for sure she wouldn’t hurt Jinsoul, and the girl would never abandon her. No matter what they may become after all this.

She didn’t want to start this, when Jinsoul’s given her everything and Sooyoung can’t give it all back. What if Jinsoul sees that it’s unfair. What if she wants everything after this and when she doesn’t get it she leaves. Sooyoung’s insecurity convinces her, but the reasoning is unclear. Jinsoul’s selfless, she’d never be that way towards her. But there’s that other thing...that doesn’t seem so unreasonable. 

What if Jinsoul thinks that she just wanted only this. 

She’s never been loved like this before. She’s never been fucked like this. It’s never been this intimate. It’s never meant more than just the physical touch. She needed Jinsoul to hold her more than she needed to finish. Sooyoung doesn’t know if Jinsoul understands that.

Sooyoung needs Jinsoul to understand it’s not just sex, but her chest is becoming tighter and even Jinsoul’s touch is suffocating her. She doesn’t want to be afraid. But Sooyoung is so scared of so many things.

She can’t risk this.

Not so early on. She can’t risk losing Jinsoul because she couldn’t fight the temptation. When Jinsoul was so impossible to say no to. Sooyoung didn’t want to do this so soon. She wanted to show the girl how much she cares for her before this intimacy began. She wanted to feel completely safe with Jinsoul. 

Jinsoul was just too hard to resist though. When she opened the door Sooyoung knew she was screwed. It’s the way Jinsoul says her name.

Her name belongs to Jinsoul.

And Sooyoung wants to belong to her. God, she thinks she loves this girl. But she knows she doesn’t trust her. So many things could happen still.

When the high comes down for the seventh time, Sooyoung pants into the crook of Jinsoul’s neck, wishing that this was simple. Wishing it was just as simple as Jinsoul’s laugh at the moment, “hey, babe, you still there?” 

Sooyoung raises up, refuses to look into her eyes, because she doesn’t want to tell the truth. And she knows if she met Jinsoul’s affectionate gaze, she’d spill her guts out. How scared she is of this. How it isn’t fair, how Jinsoul’s the best she’s ever had. No one else will ever compare and Sooyoung knows it.

How much she means to her.

It wasn’t just sex for Sooyoung.

She drags her palm down Jinsoul’s sweaty body, dripping and glowing in the slightest bit of light coming from her kitchen. Finger tips twitch when muscles do and Sooyoung sharply inhales when she rubs one of Jinsoul’s hips, she never wants to let go of this. 

Jinsoul is...Sooyoung stares down at the blonde, avoiding her eyes. She’s so beautiful, Sooyoung can hardly stand it. She wants to worship Jinsoul all over again, to never stop. She counts the marks on the girl’s skin. Jinsoul’s hers. 

That thought shouldn’t feel right, but any other way would be wrong.

Her hand slides back up the curve of Jinsoul’s waist, squeezing every inch. Jinsoul arches and Sooyoung presses into the ribcage that becomes visible when the girl below deeply inhales. Her hand crawls further up, her palm fills up with the swell of Jinsoul’s breast, Sooyoung bites her lip to resist squeezing there as well, and finally her hand sits steadily on the girl’s chest.

Jinsoul’s heart is pumping hard, and rapidly. 

Jinsoul’s hers.

This girl has willingly become hers.

But...she isn’t Jinsoul’s.

No matter how much she wants to be.

~~~~

Sex with Sooyoung was awkward and a bit clumsy. Both of them were too eager to please. But despite all the fumbling around, cursing whenever things weren’t as sexy as it was planned to be. When a groan turned into a whine or if something made Jinsoul laugh. It was still amazing. Very, very amazing. 

Jinsoul feels little dumb. Since having sex with girls was this great, she doesn’t know why she didn’t try it sooner. Honesty, she wishes she did, because her inexperience was embarrassing at times. Like when Sooyoung had to tell her three times where her fingers had to go and which ones to use. Jinsoul felt a little frustrated but when they went to the right place, she moaned louder than Sooyoung did. 

It was fun, then serious. At first it was them just fucking, Sooyoung would laugh too. It felt incredibly nice when the two of them took the time to explore and learn each other’s bodies. The clumsiness made Jinsoul more comfortable. But then it got more...intense, desperate. And Jinsoul would be lying if she said it didn’t scare her when she was looking straight into Sooyoung eyes a few times.

Sooyoung looked at her as if she was everything.

She’s never felt so vulnerable before. Jinsoul likes to be three steps ahead of everyone to have a plan for anything that may happen. But Sooyoung had stripped more than just her clothes. It was like she was seeing everything that Jinsoul was, and has been. She hadn’t had time to prepare. She wasn’t ready for something like this. Sooyoung was seeing her before she could guard herself, or hide away. It was all out in the open.

After that it became desperate, uncontrollable, more passionate than anything Jinsoul’s ever done. There were a bit too many emotions, more than what Jinsoul wanted there to be. But they were there, and they were suffocating. 

She thinks she likes Sooyoung a lot more than she puts on.

And Jinsoul thinks that’s the same case for Sooyoung.

Jinsoul knows she’s hot, but Sooyoung well...Sooyoung seems to think she’s more than that. Sooyoung wouldn’t stop kissing her. Wouldn’t stop touching her. Wouldn’t stop whispering her name in praise. Sure, she’s had guys worship her in bed before. But this was something new.

It made her feel self-conscious. 

Because she really didn’t think she was  _ that  _ amazing.

Sooyoung thinks differently.

Exhaustion comes after the high. Jinsoul smiles tiredly, spent from more than just the physical part. She feels like her emotions have run a marathon too. Sooyoung was onto something when she said simple wins over complicated.

Sex has always been fun for Jinsoul.

While this was fun, it turned into something more, beyond Jinsoul’s reason or explanation.

She’s scared, but she embraces the fear like a shot of adrenaline. Sooyoung is whispering sweet things to her and Jinsoul isn’t entirely sure if she’s supposed to be hearing them. If Sooyoung even realizes she’s saying them out loud. 

Her hand soothes through Sooyoung’s sweaty, black hair. Her nails scratch at the base of the girl’s neck. Their legs are tangled into each other and Jinsoul likes the way their bodies fit together. 

Sooyoung must understand that this is meant to be. She has to.

That they’re meant to belong to each other.

But the girl raises up and avoids her gaze. Sooyoung doesn’t dare to look in her eyes, Jinsoul tries to tilt her head side to side, up and down. Sooyoung makes an effort to keep her stare miles away from Jinsoul’s.

Jinsoul breathes in and out, slow and shaky as Sooyoung claims her body again. Her grip is possessive and timid at the same time. As if she’s doing this one last time before she stops. Jinsoul doesn’t understand really. She’s too scared to speak, she just wants Sooyoung to look at her before she does.

She’ll tell her this is the best she’s ever felt, and she wants to know if Sooyoung thinks the same. She wants to know if Sooyoung’s heart is beating as fast as hers. 

Sooyoung stands up and turns away. Jinsoul panics and grabs her wrist. Sooyoung shakes it off and walks away, turning the kitchen light off before she disappears into the hallway. Jinsoul sits halfway up on the couch now shivering from the loss of warmth. Sooyoung was her only source. “What the actual fuck?” Jinsoul grumbles out.

She...thinks she should maybe go after Sooyoung? But the expression on the girl’s face was cold, standoffish before she left.

Distant.

One moment, Jinsoul’s never felt so close to someone else. 

The next, it’s like they never did what they just did. 

Hours of intimacy, hours of…, turns impersonal just like that. Is Jinsoul not seeing this right? Is this how Sooyoung sleeps with other girls? Like she needed them, full of desire and want. Only to withdraw from them like they don’t mean anything to her. Like this didn’t mean anything at all to her like it did to Jinsoul. 

Does Sooyoung not care?

Was this all a part of the plan, to act as if she did and then switch the mood once she gets what she wants. Jinsoul shakes her head of the negative thoughts. She knows Sooyoung, and she knows she isn’t like this. Sooyoung wouldn’t betray her like that. Wouldn’t play her heart like this. 

Although that’s all she’s been warned about. 

Is something like this.

_ I’m not a game to Sooyoung. _

Jinsoul broke the deal.

_ You can’t get mad if I can’t give you what you want. _

Fuck, Jinsoul had forgotten how cunning Sooyoung was, how good she was at tearing into girl’s hearts with false charm.  _ Fuck,  _ no it couldn’t be like this. Jinsoul refuses to acknowledge the possibility she’s being played. Sooyoung wasn’t that person. But...this is...so what if she wanted to like, cuddle or go to sleep or whatever. Now she just felt awkward and unwelcomed. 

Maybe this really is all Sooyoung wanted.

Maybe that’s why she was warned, Sooyoung knew she would want more and that’s why she’s been so serious about rejecting her. Sooyoung after all didn’t want to hurt her and this was the one thing that would. Jinsoul didn’t fall into Sooyoung’s trap, she willingly walked into it. 

She made her bed, now she has to sleep in it.

Jinsoul has always been three steps ahead of everyone. Sooyoung’s beyond what she can reach. She starts to question everything, just how far Sooyoung would go to deceive her, if after all this has been one long, strenuous game. If Sooyoung has been playing her cards right all this time. Jinsoul starts to doubt herself and...it sucks.

Should she chase after her? What if she’s told to go away, what if Sooyoung rejects her even now. Jinsoul is too afraid to take that chance. Too afraid that all these fears will come true. That Sooyoung really doesn’t want this afterall, that she doesn’t want Jinsoul. 

Wiping a few tears away she grabs some of her clothes, still damp from the rain. She grabs Sooyoung’s clothes instead. The tank top and pajama bottoms and she grabs a warm coat on Sooyoung’s door hanger and walks away. She walks away from what she left in that apartment. A shit ton of emotions, feelings, that she’s not sure if she wanted to give away, regretting it now. And maybe half her heart.

It’s okay, Sooyoung can have it.

She deserves it.

~~~~

Sooyoung takes a few calming breaths, she needs to tell Jinsoul. Only a moment alone to collect herself. She knows Jinsoul will come after her. But...she doesn’t. Jinsoul isn’t here yet when Sooyoung thinks she’s ready to tell the truth.  _ She doesn’t think I want her to leave does she?  _

She hears her front door open and it feels like her chest is being ripped open. She brings her fingers to her mouth and bites down on her thump, hard enough to bring the blood. Sooyoung messed this up. 

_ Don’t leave. _

_ Please don’t leave. _

The door slams shut and Sooyoung bites her thumb harder. Her other hand clutches at her stomach where her scar is. It was too much.

She hurt Jinsoul by doing that. 

Walking away as if she was nothing, when she is everything.

~~~~

Her house is dark and empty. Jinsoul wraps Sooyoung’s coat around her tighter. It smells of her and well, Jinsoul doesn’t really want to think about how it makes her feel.

Fixing a piece of toast, Jinsoul thinks of everything but Sooyoung. Forces herself to. Suddenly the kitchen light turns on and Jinsoul turns to find her mother staring at her.

The older woman rubs her face sleepily, hair rollers about to slip out of her head. “Sweetie, it’s late are you okay?”

Jinsoul puts a smile on her face, “yeah mom.” 

Her mom shuffles toward hers, concern laced in her features. Jinsoul leans into one of the palms that cradles her cheeks. “Soul, you’re crying.” Jinsoul blinks and she feels the tears for the first time, hot, rolling down her cheek.

They’re not the first ones though.

She’s been crying this whole time.

“It’s okay I promise.”

It’ll be fine, Jinsoul tells herself. She’s tough. She can handle a few tears.

~~~~

Jinsoul asks herself the same question for the thousandth time.  _ Is Ha Sooyoung playing her? _

The first answer is yes. Sooyoung is playing her like a fool, probably laughing at how naive she is. That all of this time they’ve spent together has been an articulate game of  _ how much I can make this girl like me and then crumble her entire world.  _ She was...tricked. So well that she thought that maybe, just maybe that she was the one tricking Sooyoung into falling for her. Jinsoul’s been outplayed when she thought she was winning this game this entire time.

Except...that really isn’t the case. So the correct answer to that question was a big fat  _ no.  _ The more Jinsoul thinks about it. The more she realizes that Sooyoung’s never played her. Never had the intentions of doing so, her warnings were true. That she would hurt her. That they shouldn’t do this because it would get complicated.

And just what did Sooyoung mean when she said complicated? Jinsoul didn’t ever understand, but she knows now. She wants it all, but Sooyoung...didn’t. 

It was just sex for her. 

That’s why Jinsoul’s been rejected over and over again. Sooyoung saw her as a friend only, but had a strong attraction towards her. It just makes so much sense. Sooyoung knew that she had feelings but was trying to protect her.

Jinsoul wonders if this happened to all the other girls.

She wonders if the monster they said Sooyoung was, wasn’t one at all. Just a misunderstood girl who doesn’t want to be loved, but ends up being loved anyways and is told she’s bad for not loving them back. Sooyoung wasn’t a monster. She warned Jinsoul, Sooyoung clearly cares about her to be so considerant, even though she knows Sooyoung desires her. Wants her more than anything. Cried at the thought of Jinsoul abandoning her. Pleaded with her to not get angry.

That’s what the deal was about, and although Jinsoul thought the rules and agreement between them was stupid. She understands it now. It was Sooyoung’s way of resisting her. 

Sooyoung sacrificed that desire in order not to hurt her.

Jinsoul went and fucked that up. 

If Sooyoung was playing her she’s sure Sooyoung would have fucked her a long time ago. She’s sure she probably wouldn’t even still be thinking of Sooyoung. They would have been strangers again by now.

It’s been a week since they’ve talked. She wonders if Sooyoung is thinking of her. Who is she kidding, Sooyoung’s probably freaking out right now. Thinking Jinsoul was done with her. Wanting nothing to do with her anymore. Jinsoul wasn’t done, she was just...hurt. 

She can’t help it really. 

And all her friends make it worse. They look at her like she’s some pitiful lovesick fool, and so what if she is! Jinsoul really fucking likes Sooyoung and she didn’t want Sooyoung’s feelings for her to be just physical. 

Telling them all had been about as awkward than when Sooyoung had blew her off after the...Yoojung had gasped and congratulated her until she saw Jinsoul was bawling her eyes out. Doyeon had cursed about something that Jinsoul hadn’t understood. 

Xiaojun is indifferent, not really excited...nor disappointed. But more concerned than anything. He asked if it was good at least, seemingly reading Jinsoul’s mood. She only tells him  _ yes, it was really good. _

Jungeun well...she wasn’t planned. Jinsoul had simply let it slip, her blonde counterpart only hummed, a bit surprised before seeing the sunken expression on Jinsoul’s face.

Jiwoo was probably the worst. When Jinsoul told her, the girl only smiled sadly at her. As if understood every little emotion running through her veins. Jinsoul wouldn’t doubt if she did. Jinsoul didn’t bother asking what it was like for Jiwoo, it didn’t matter. 

Jiwoo knew exactly what her heart was going through right now.

Jinsoul needs time to heal and everyone worrying about her isn’t helpful. She’s strong. She said she wouldn’t let this exact situation affect her if it happened. But damn is Jinsoul having a time right now. She wonders if Sooyoung misses her as much as she does.

Pouting up, Jinsoul begins to cry. She wishes Sooyoung liked her more. Wishes she could have gotten Sooyoung to fall for her. But she won’t force it on the girl and make her push her way more. Jinsoul thinks that she may back off for now and wait for Sooyoung to come around again.

She only hopes it’s soon.

Her chest feels empty without her heart.

The one that now belongs to Sooyoung.

~~~~

Sooyoung eyes are burning from the computer screen, she’s been working almost twelve hours a day just to get ahead on this game development, sometimes she doesn’t even leave the office until it’s dark out.

Her boss is of course happy. Some of her team is worried. Jennie’s called. Jinsoul hasn't.

Sooyoung honestly doesn’t know what to do. She knows she’s hurt Jinsoul, the blonde probably thought Sooyoung was avoiding her because she didn’t want to see her anymore.

Jinsoul probably believes she’s been played.

And old Sooyoung would be delighted with that. The old Sooyoung would have gotten what she wanted and be happy that Jinsoul was hurt enough to not come crawling back, that she didn’t have to deal with her anymore. 

New Sooyoung is, well she feels like total shit right now. Because this is the exact opposite of what she wanted. Yeah, she hates when girls want something more, make it more than what it is. But...it is more with Jinsoul. She wants the blonde to come crawling back. 

She never wanted to hurt Jinsoul.

Jinsoul doesn’t deserve this. To feel like she’s been manipulated, or messed around with. Jinsoul’s not the girl to be fooled.

Sooyoung likes to think Jinsoul’s pissed at her. She hopes so.

She hopes Jinsoul isn’t done with her. But that’s the kind of girl Jinsoul is, she isn’t one for games. She doesn’t like bullshit and that’s exactly what Sooyoung has been playing at. Sooyoung knows she should tell her the truth sometime before Jinsoul decides to forget about her. To move on since Sooyoung’s starting to become a person that isn’t worth putting the time in for.

Sooyoung wants to beg for Jinsoul’s time, all of it. 

Because Jinsoul is starting to scare her.

She’s starting to fall for her.

Rubbing at her tired eyes she looks at the screen again. Her office is a mess. There’s notes on top of notes on her desk. Countless codes and patterns that she has to enter and memorize. She’s tired and she just wants to go home and sleep. 

Sooyoung snorts.

Like she’ll get any, as if she won’t think about Jinsoul the whole time.

And although she should be mad that this girl has found a way to worm herself inside her heart. Sooyoung isn’t at all.

She’s glad it’s Jinsoul finally turning her world upside down.

Picking up her phone, she dials a number. It doesn’t ring too long until a chirpy voice answers, “ _ hello? Oh shut up Jinho! I’m on the phone! _ ” Sooyoung smiles a bit, it seemed like Jinsoul took after her mother.

“Hi, it’s um Ha Sooyoung I don’t know...if you remember me or not but I was hoping Jinsoul was there?” 

The line is silent for a few seconds but then the woman’s voice pierces the speaker again, making Sooyoung hold it from her ear. “ _ Of course I remember you! You’re her very special friend, noo I’m afraid my little Soul isn’t in right now. She’s out playing that D&D with her friends! Strange game ya know? Do you…” _

Sooyoung was sad at first that Jinsoul wasn’t home, but now she can’t help but smile. Jinsoul’s mom was talking her ear off, all she could think about Jinsoul getting embarrassed by being called little soul while out being a total dweeb.

She’d pay to watch Jinsoul play that, and she’d pay double if she could tease her the whole time too. Sooyoung can just imagine how much of a dork the blonde is. How invested she gets into it, her determined frown, her little nose scrunched up in focus. Her eyes sparkling whenever she gets a critical hit. Jinsoul probably wears her glasses and comfy clothes, her hair in a messy ponytail. Yelling every time the game master is a dick and god…

Sooyoung is so in love with her.

“Um.”

“ _ And I said you can’t fit that in there! Oh I’m sorry Sooyoung I must have been talking your ear off are you busy?” _

Sooyoung wipes the sweat off her brow, “no no I was just thinking about something.” 

_ “Oh! Well anyways-“ _

“Is Jinsoul okay?”

She feels incredibly rude for cutting Mrs. Jung off. But she needs to know. Sooyoung feels like she’s going crazy without knowing if Jinsoul is okay or not.

“ _ I think so, she’s been sad recently but don’t say anything. She gets really mad when people worry about her!  _

Sooyoung wants to slap herself, “I see, I was just checking.” The line goes silent and Sooyoung tries to think of what to say next. “Soooo it couldn’t fit?” 

Mrs. Jung goes off again.

“ _ Yes!” _

~~~~

Everyone’s looking at her. Jinsoul can’t stand it. “For the love of god what! What is it you freaks?!” They all stare back down at their character sheets and Jinsoul rolls her eyes. 

Hyunmin clears his throat, “it’s your turn.” Jinsoul grabs the dice a bit forcibly from Xiaojun’s hands and tosses it down. A seven. God that’s a miss and Jinsoul’s character is going to die. “A seven wow! A critical hit...the thief is now close to dying.” Jinsoul glares at Hyunmin who looks incredibly nervous.

Jinsoul feels like the freak now.

“I’m done, you’re all being weird.” Jinsoul bumps the table as she gets up, throwing down her special, lucky pencil that always helps her survive during a hard session. 

As she’s walking out of the room Haseul calls out, “we’re just worried Jinsoul!” She turns and sees Haseul, in that stupid wizard hat. “We’re worried.” Hyunmin nods and Hyelin frowns at her. Her safe spaces are dwindling down, she can’t go to the arcade without thinking of Sooyoung. In her room her mom constantly checks on her and now she can’t even be a loser and enjoy a game of D&D, which by the way was going great for her because everyone was feeling sorry for her and letting her by with just about anything.

Jinsoul storms out, anger seeping into every surface. She’s been keeping herself numb these past two weeks. This must be her breaking point. They act like she’s dying. But...but. 

It’s not like this hurts more than anything else has in her entire life.

Grabbing her bags and saying goodbye to Xiaojun’s sisters, she heads out onto the chill streets. The magic of summer has gone. Now Jinsoul is left with a bitter cold that reminds her too much of Sooyoung’s attitude. 

She misses the warmth of Sooyoung’s smile.

Jinsoul guesses that it has faded along with summer as well.

“Soul, stop, you’re walking too damn fast.” Jinsoul slows, hearing the voice of Xiaojun, a bit out of breath. “What is wrong with you?”

Facing him, Jinsoul is quick to get whatever weight off her chest, “oh I don’t know everything?” She lifts her arms and drops them back down. Jinsoul’s confused, frustrated, she just wants to cry alone in her bedroom until it all goes away. She shivers a bit, and wraps her arms around her body in an effort to keep warm. “How everyone’s worried about me, it’s annoying.” 

Xiaojun frowns at her, “Jinsoul, you haven’t been yourself.”

“Oh bullshit.” Jinsoul groans, rolling her eyes at the accusation. “You’re just saying that because you think I’m heartbroken.” Jinsoul refuses to admit it. Not that she’s heartbroken, but to admit it’s affecting her this much. “Well, I’m not. I’m not weak, so stop acting like it.”

“It’s okay to be weak, Soul, it’s okay to feel this way.” It’s something Jinsoul hates hearing. Because it isn’t okay, none of this is okay. For her to be weak means that she isn’t as strong as she says she is. That she couldn’t handle it, the heartbreak everyone was warning her about. The heartbreak that she said wouldn’t hurt her or even phase her. Jinsoul hates being wrong, but even more she hates feeling helpless.

Shaking her head, she argues, “I can take care of myself Xiaojun, it’s not like I can’t live without her or anything.” Xiaojun gives her a small smile at the little slip. She could have made up anything for her reasons to be upset, but now he knows it’s about Sooyoung. Jinsoul isn’t lost, she’s not one of those people who gets dumped and doesn't know what to do with themselves.

Because that would mean she needs Sooyoung.

And she doesn’t

She only needs herself.

Blinking, Jinsoul lets out a pitiful whine when she realizes she’s crying. She harshly wipes the tears away. Jinsoul feels pathetic and out of touch with herself. This type of thing shouldn’t bother her like this. Old Jinsoul would have already moved on. But new Jinsoul understands that she doesn’t want to give up on this. That she doesn’t want to leave Sooyoung even when the girl has been a total dick to her. She made her promise. Jinsoul loves Sooyoung so much she’ll settle for being her friend. Jinsoul cares about Sooyoung so much she doesn’t want to hurt the girl the same way the girl has hurt her.

Jinsoul is pathetic, because maybe, just maybe. She thought she would be the one that Sooyoung finally likes. Maybe she thought it would be different.

Old Jinsoul would have been so pissed off. 

This was exactly the thing she said she wouldn’t do. The exact person she said she wouldn’t fall for. 

She’s trapped right under Ha Sooyoung’s spell.

“Jinsoul.”

Looking up at the sky her voice breaks, “okay, maybe it does hurt.” She admits, “it hurts so fucking much.” Jinsoul drops her head back down, shaking it as she wipes away tears again, “and I hate how much I’m letting it get to me, I hate how it’s eating at me constantly. I promised to myself and everyone, I even promised her I wouldn’t be like this.” 

It isn’t like Jinsoul to be troubled by something this much. She hates how it consumes every part of her. She should have been fine by now but it’s only getting worse.

Xiaojun goes to comfort her but Jinsoul holds a hand up, begging him not to touch her or she may break. “I mean look at me Xiaojun,” Jinsoul’s a mess. “And I feel like an idiot because I told everyone I’d be fine if it happened and well it happened! And now...” Smiling at Xiaojun he doesn’t mirror it, because Jinsoul isn’t fine. But she accepts it as it is. She promised herself she’d be okay and she isn’t. 

There’s nothing she can do about her own mistakes. She’s the one that gave her heart to Sooyoung and didn’t ask if she wanted it. “I thought it would be different, you know, I thought it would mean a little bit more to Sooyoung that we had sex. But I don’t know, she hasn’t spoken to me in like three weeks, I guess that’s my answer huh.” 

Jinsoul’s always been strong, independent. Letting no one control her spirit or life. But it feels like Sooyoung’s got her on a little thin string. Jinsoul’s not sure if she wants that string to be pulled on or snipped. God she doesn’t know.“I miss her so much. That stupid jerk, why does she have to be so dreamy! And sweet...and funny and...”

“If you don’t go talk to her! This is all probably in your head.” 

Jinsoul pouts up, “what if she doesn’t want to? What if she’s grossed out by how much I like her!” 

Xiaojun rolls his eyes and shakes his head, “Jinsoul do you have any idea, that girl adores you. She literally follows you around like a lost puppy. Are you sure that she even wanted you to leave?” Jinsoul nods her head, absolutely positive her assumption about Sooyoung was correct. He frowns, reluctantly agreeing with her.

Sooyoung wasn’t a bad person. Jinsoul thinks she’s amazing. It's just...Sooyoung doesn’t want her in the way Jinsoul wants to be wanted.She finally allows Xiaojun to hug her, Jinsoul melts in the embrace. “Xiaojun, am I making this out to be a big deal?” He shakes his head no. 

“I mean you are dramatic, I’m the most, but you sit comfortably in second place.” He leans back and brushes back some of her baby hairs, “Honestly, you’re handling it pretty well, love is very scary.” Jinsoul blinks, she remembers Sooyoung being scared. 

Wait. 

“Say that again.” 

“Which part? That we’re both drama queens?”

“No, the part about love.”

“Oh, well it’s scary.” 

Jinsoul stares at him and then kisses him on the head, “god you’re a genius.” Xiaojun raises one brow as Jinsoul starts to strut off. She needed to stop thinking only about herself for once. 

“Where are you going!”

Turning and walking backwards she doesn’t bother answering and Xiaojun is left scratching his head for an explanation. 

~~~~

On her walk home, Jinsoul’s concluded that she had the whole story about Sooyoung wrong. Sooyoung’s is just a soft-hearted dork. She’s just guarded. Jinsoul feels like an ass because it was more than likely that Sooyoung was sulking right now, thinking that  _ she  _ was the only one heartbroken.

Sooyoung likes her, but she’s a pussy. That has to be it. 

Jinsoul must have scared her to death that night. Maybe she wasn’t even ready, that’s why she had rejected her the first time, hell all the time. Jinsoul’s a terrible listener. Her heart must have been pumping so loudly it drowned the rest of the noises out.

Love is scary. Jinsoul remembers explicitly when Sooyoung admitted why they’re not already dating is that fact that she’s scared. Jinsoul has broken a few promises.

And yes, maybe Jinsoul was hurt. Pissed off, confused even. She let it cloud her reasonable thoughts. Since things did not go the way Jinsoul fantasized them to be, she reduced it all to the worst thing imaginable. 

Jinsoul was really bad with compromises. Sooyoung has never acted the way Jinsoul imagines it, so she always assumes the worst case scenario. That Sooyoung is an arrogant asshole(this holds some truth), that she may hate her, (this may be true now), and that she only wanted sex. (Okay, maybe not so true.)

It’s been like this day one. 

Sooyoung is unpredictable and still so hard to read. So Jinsoul assumes the worst, or at least, the bad stuff that everyone’s warned her about. But she knows Sooyoung. She knows the dork likes her. Sooyoung only pretends she doesn’t. 

Jinsoul’s seen Sooyoung vulnerable. There has never been anything fake about that, honesty in her eyes. So Jinsoul is making her compromise. Sooyoung likes her. She always has. It’s just...Sooyoung is bad at liking someone.

Making it home, Jinsoul hurrys in. Kicking off her sneakers and hanging her coat up on the hanger. “Hey sweetie how did your dragon game go?” 

“Umm it went good!” Her mom comes strutting through the kitchen, Jinsoul can smell the food flowing through the hallway. 

Her mom pinches her cheek, squeezing it hard, “I missed my little nerd.” Jinsoul grimaces at the affection. She thinks her mother is done torturing but really. She just wants to see Jinsoul die, “oh Soul, by the way a friend called.”

Jinsoul’s blood freezes. Yoojung and Doyeon were out of town and Xiaojun...well it could have been him or Jiwoo or anyone or… “Oh, who?”

“Sooyoung, I like her a lot, she’s a good listener. I could have talked all night, I even invited her to dinner but she declined, ugh will you change her mind or something?” 

All while her mom speaks, a stupid-shit eating grin starts to grow on Jinsoul’s face. “Yeah? What did she say?”

Her mom eyes her suspiciously. “She was asking about you...a lot. I think sommmebody has a crush on you.” Jinsoul blushes as her mom pokes at her face.

Jinsoul is quick to deny it even though her mood has totally flipped from what it was an hour ago. When she thought the world was ending, maybe she was dramatic. “She doesn’t trust me, I would know.” Jinsoul doesn’t even give the chance for her mom to say anything back before she’s racing up the stairs into her all pink room. 

Grabbing her phone she sits it on the bed and picks it up, twirling her finger around the cord as she dials a number she’s memorized. 

It rings, two...three times. And. 

“What the fuck are you playing at?” Jinsoul says as soon as the dial tone disappears. She’s met with silence. Jinsoul clenches at the phone, butterflies are racing in her tummy. She’s such an idiot for not realizing this sooner.

“ _ Fuck I missed you _ .”

The sound of her voice is enough to melt Jinsoul into a puddle. She realizes, as her worries start to fade, that all that she felt was fear. The reason she didn’t follow after Sooyoung, refusing to think about any of it, avoiding everything that could hurt her.

Jinsoul was placed back into her younger self. Seeking out acceptance and approval of the people she admired, and of course when she was ignored it left a deep pit inside her chest. That was before she changed, before she decided she needed no one to like her. 

She realizes the only reason she’s hurting now is because she thought Sooyoung was denying her. Jinsoul wants Sooyoung’s approval for god only knows why. And Jinsoul is so afraid of being rejected again she avoided the situation that it could happen.

That night she could have followed Sooyoung into her bedroom, but she didn’t want to hear the words,  _ go home _ . She’d rather been tortured without knowing at all how Sooyoung felt. But even now, Jinsoul isn’t strong enough to handle that, she wants to know the truth.

She thinks that maybe. Her reasons for being afraid are wrong. That she needs to prove to herself again, that she is strong. Not weak, that all her friends now think she is.

Still...

“You’re a jerk you know that right.” Jinsoul says after the second silence. She wonders if Sooyoung is holding her breath like she is. “You’re the meanest, most stupidest jerk ever.” 

The deep sigh Sooyoung lets out, leads Jinsoul to believe in it. “ _ I love it when you talk to me like that _ .” It’s timid, Sooyoung’s voice. But full of something...eager. Like she’s been waiting for this moment all along.

“Oh god will you shut up.” There’s a small chuckle on the other line and Jinsoul rolls her eyes at the breathiness of it.

_“Just like that. Do you have any idea what it does to me_?” Sooyoung tells her, wrapping every little word in that silky tone that sends goosebumps down Jinsoul’s spine. “ _Don’t stop_ _baby you sounded so good._ ” Sooyoung asks quietly and Jinsoul doesn’t think she could if she even tried.

Licking at her top lip she thinks of what she wants to say next. There’s only one thing that sounds right, “I missed you too, probably too much.” Jinsoul twists her fingers into the fabric of her jacket. Nobody knows that it’s Sooyoung’s jacket from the night Jinsoul dipped from her apartment. Jinsoul would die if anyone knew this jacket wasn’t hers. “All my friends think I’m heartbroken because of you.” Jinsoul shifts her jaw, the tinge of pain still there but softened from the sound of Sooyoung’s voice.

_ “Are you?”  _

“No are you kidding? Why would I be sad over a loser like you?” Jinsoul defends herself even though there’s no point. The only thing keeping Sooyoung from knowing the truth is that they’re not facing each other. 

_ “Jinsoul.” _

She loves it, how right her name sounds on Sooyoung’s tongue.

“It’s not like it meant anything.” The one thing she’s been hiding from, she puts it out in the open. For the both of them to face. Jinsoul doesn’t want to pretend that it didn’t happen anymore, doesn’t want to avoid talking about it just because Sooyoung’s answer might not be the one she wants. They need to talk about this.

Even if it ends anything that’s between them.

_ “We both know it meant something, stop lying.”  _

“Don’t you dare.” Jinsoul gasps, she was such an idiot for assuming that Sooyoung didn’t want this as much as she did.

_ “It meant everything to me. I know it did for you too.”  _ It’s all Jinsoul wanted. Were those words. Her hands are shaking and all she’s thinking about is how much she wishes Sooyoung was here right now. Just so she could see if Sooyoung was being honest with her.

“Bullshit.”

All she has is words.

They’re almost not enough.

_ “Try me.” _

“You don’t like me like that.”

_ “Do you not want me to?” _

“I don’t want you to lie about it.”

_ “I’m not lying. My god, Jinsoul do you have any idea? I couldn’t lie about this even if I practiced over and over again, I like you so fucking much.” _

“Bullshit Sooyoung.” Jinsoul croaks out and shuffles to her bed, her knees becoming too shaky. Jinsoul knows weakness shouldn’t feel this good. With her vulnerability being embraced by Sooyoung’s promises, she shouldn’t trust this girl. But she does. She believes in every little thing that Sooyoung says and does. That’s why she doesn’t want her to lie.

It would destroy Jinsoul.

_ “Why would I lie about that baby?”  _ Sooyoung asks, “ _ I can’t stop thinking about it.”  _ The girl on the other line lets out a strained laugh, like it was unbelievable, the way Jinsoul was acting. As if Jinsoul wasn’t everything to her. “ _ About you and that smart mouth of yours.” _

It’s silent then. It’s so quiet and Jinsoul hates it. She wants her head to be full of Sooyoung’s words, of her voice, of the thought of her. She just wants everything to be Sooyoung. 

_ “God, I don’t want you out of my head.”  _

Jinsoul smiles, because there’s no way Sooyoung is denying her. No matter the way she wants her, Sooyoung isn’t denying her. 

“Are you playing me Ha Sooyoung?” She says it playfully, loving the way Sooyoung scoffs on the other line. Laying back onto her bed she sinks into it, wanting to get comfortable since she feels like she’s gonna be here a long time.

Sooyoung answers with an equally joking tone, “ _ baby you have no idea _ ,” Jinsoul rolls her eyes and can just imagine the arrogant smirk on the girl’s face. “ _ Yes I’m playing you, I actually called to tell you to lose my number _ .”

“Hey!”

“ _ No Jinsoul, if I was, we would have been done a long time ago. I...like to end things when feelings get involved.”  _ Sooyoung explains, “ _ I think maybe at the party is when I would have, I might have taken you home then, but…” _

Jinsoul feels the pressure on her chest. “When did you change your mind? About me…”  _ About us?  _ Is the real question that lies on the tip of Jinsoul’s tongue. 

“ _ I think from the beginning I’ve had my mind made up about you.”  _ Suddenly her voice is lower, a whisper that crawls all over Jinsoul. “ _ I keep thinking about it _ .”

“ _ Do you think about it, Jinsoul?”  _

God of course she thinks about it. She still can’t believe it even happened. It almost feels like a dream, some fantasy that she’s thought so much about it’s become real. But it was real, every second of that night was real. 

Nodding her head. Jinsoul can feel the lump growing in her throat. “Everynight.” Smiling, she can’t help but ask, “Was it good?”

“ _ You don’t want me to answer that _ .”

Jinsoul scoffs, “Why? Afraid you might hurt my feelings?”

_ “Ha, yeah, no, it’s not that.”  _ Sooyoung explains, and Jinsoul pushes further. She needs Sooyoung to say it. 

“Then tell me how good I was.”

The line is quiet for a few seconds and then Sooyoung whispers out, “ _ I don’t wanna give out all my secrets tonight.”  _ She can’t help but wonder what all those secrets of Sooyoung’s are. If they all have to do with her. Or just one. Maybe two. Jinsoul wants to know all of them. She wants to know everything about Sooyoung.

“Tell me.” Jinsoul asks timidly. “Just one Sooyoung.”

“ _ It was too good.”  _ Sooyoung admits, “ _ So good, that I know it will never be the same with anyone else.”  _ Jinsoul clutches at her chest. She feels the same, and is afraid that Sooyoung has ruined her. “ _ Because they won’t be you Jinsoul. They’ll never be you.” _

_ “I don’t want it to be anyone else but you.”  _

And by the tone of her voice Jinsoul believes it. Sooyoung wants to love her. She wants Jinsoul to love her. Jinsoul doesn’t even have to try.

“Can we meet? Right now. I have to-“

“ _ Yes.”  _ Sooyoung doesn’t even let her finish, and spews out a location they’re both familiar with. Jinsoul’s met with the dial tone shortly after and she stares at the phone before scrambling to run back down the stairs.

~~~~

Jinsoul shivers at the wind chill, it’s late into the night now and the only thing she can hear is the crickets chirping. Every so often, there’s a car that drives by and Jinsoul wonders if she looks as crazy as she feels.

It’s the same mossy wall she took Sooyoung’s pictures at, the same mossy wall where the cherry blossoms were once pink, now they’re turned green with the late summer. It’s the same place Sooyoung had first allowed her inside. Seeing a part of her no others had the opportunity to.

Jinsoul remembers the vulnerability in Sooyoung’s eyes after that party, when she had touched the scar, Jinsoul doesn’t have a clue. 

She’s so preoccupied with the memory, Jinsoul doesn’t hear the footsteps approaching behind her. And even if she was focused they would be hard to pick up on. 

Sooyoung’s walking slowly, scared since she’s forgotten her script already. She was thinking of ways on how to confess to Jinsoul again on the way here, but seeing the blonde shadowed in moonlight steals every word out of her mouth. 

Jinsoul is faced away from her. Sooyoung misses the courage she once had. Just so she can show it to Jinsoul, how sure she is of her feelings.

Rocking back and forth on the sides of her feet, Jinsoul crosses her arms, Sooyoung should be here. Any second now, and for the first time in her life Jinsoul’s nervous about facing her. She isn’t sure if she’ll crumble completely, or ignite once again with the heat that Sooyoung brings.

The answer is neither, because with slim arms wrap around her from behind. Embracing her completely. Jinsoul can only think of one thing. It feels right, more than anything in her life. Being with Sooyoung feels right.

Jinsoul knows it must be love.

“On my way here I kept repeating this...long heartfelt confession in my head. But I know you probably would have hated that. You’ve probably been confessed to a hundred times in your life.” 

The arms squeeze around her, and the chill that was biting at Jinsoul quickly melts away. She realizes that Sooyoung’s never been cold, never been the person who she seems to be. The one if she got close to she’d freeze up. 

Because Jinsouls never felt warmer in her life.

“This may not be the right time,” Sooyoung speaks directly into her ear, like she was inside her head. “I might not be the right one.” Jinsoul closes her eyes at the voice, losing herself in the low rasp of it.

“But there’s something about us Jinsoul.” 

Sooyoung’s face drops to her shoulder, the girl buries it there. Jinsoul wonders if Sooyoung realizes it’s her coat. “I just need you to know how much you mean to me, that I’ll never let you go. Even if you end up hating me. I can’t let you go. I won’t let it happen.” Jinsoul squeezes her eyes shut harder. Just to make sure if this is a dream after all, that she doesn’t wake up. She doesn’t want to wake up from this.

Jinsoul starts to believe this is more than a dream, “I want you more than anything in my life. I need you more...just I-“ Sooyoung chokes then, and her arms wrap tighter around Jinsoul.

“Be with me.” 

When she opens her eyes, she’s still there. Everything about this is real. Sooyoung’s more than just a dream. 

“So I can be with you.” 

~~~~

Aw this is my least favorite chapter so far! We hate you sailorloona we hate you. But I hope everyone else likes it! Also this is like the last part of angst I guess, there might be a little piece later.

As always lots of love mwah!

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	24. Must be love

It’s like she can feel Sooyoung’s arms still around her. Jinsoul lays in her bed, staring up at her ceiling toying with the sleeves of Sooyoung’s jacket that she’s still wearing, except this time she gladly accepts the warmth it brings.

_ Be with me. _

Sooyoung had asked, without any doubt, Jinsoul had answered. She’s always known the answer, all she needed was to be asked the right question.

_ Okay. _

Sooyoung didn’t say anything after that, she left and Jinsoul understood. 

_ Okay, I’ll be with you.  _

~~~~

Sighing happily, Jinsoul continues to lose while playing Duck Hunt. Even though she hasn’t spoken to Sooyoung since that night. Jinsoul can’t help but replay the conversation over and over again in her head.

Jinsoul’s sure she has the girl wrapped around her finger. She just wishes Sooyoung would stop fighting this so much. Jinsoul wants to make this work, she has to. 

Closing one eye she aims at the screen and giggles when she misses, not even noticing someone approaching her from behind. Jinsoul smells the sweet perfume first, and then there’s the voice. That stupidly soft voice that runs all over Jinsoul, the one that used to annoy the hell out of her because it was so attractive and now it’s all she can think about.

“Your aim is off.” It’s all she says and smooth words drip like honey onto Jinsoul’s skin. Sooyoung stands behind her and Jinsoul focuses entirely on the game. Her heart is in her throat, not allowing her to speak or even take a breath. It’s late now, Jinsoul has no idea of the time. But the arcade is dark and the only thing keeping things visible is the flickering lights from the games.

The music is long gone, and Jinsoul can faintly hear some of the start up sounds from the games. Reassuring her there is no one here except her and Sooyoung. Fingertips ghost across her ear, trailing down the shell of it and tugging at the lobe in a teasing manner. Jinsoul pulls her head away while biting her lip, the feeling dropping straight to her tummy.

Soon, fingers are replaced with lips and Jinsoul hates how much softer they are. How it twists her insides up in a knot. “Don’t ignore me.” Sooyoung grumbles out and Jinsoul can’t help but grin at the impatient tone.

Turning to Sooyoung she tilts her head, blinking innocently, “or what?” Jinsoul regrets her action because as soon as she locks her gaze with Sooyoung’s, the little game she’s playing is over and all she can think about is how much she’s missed these eyes that she’s learned to love so much. Sooyoung’s look is timid, but playful, full of endearment. Jinsoul knows Sooyoung has missed her too.

She reluctantly turns back to the game, even though she was sure she could spend all night staring at Sooyoung. The girl wasn’t completely forgiven yet. Jinsoul wanted a proper apology for how she was treated. Although Sooyoung’s confession was gonna make the apology a lot easier to accept. 

Sooyoung slowly shifts behind her. “It’ll make me sad. You don’t want that do you baby?” Jinsoul shrugs the hands that try to hold her off, knowing she’ll give in as soon as she feels the warmth of them. She only hears a frustrated sigh, followed by a short laugh.

Jinsoul bites the smile that continues to grow. She doesn’t want Sooyoung to know how much she’s missed her. Sooyoung circles back around her and leans onto the side of the arcade game. Jinsoul tries her best not to glance over, but Sooyoung’s wearing her favorite color and Jinsoul is dying to drink it all in.

Her blazer and skirt are a matching navy color, a gawky belt tight around her waist. The turtle neck fits her body perfectly, and beneath the skirt are the tights that match. Sooyoung takes her other silk glove off that brings it all together and stuffs it into the blazer pocket. 

Jinsoul swallows audibly at the sight, Sooyoung is her walking fantasy.

“You still suck at this game.”

Sooyoung’s staring a hole through her waiting for her to react, but Jinsoul’s done being the first one to do anything. The first to make the move, the first to say something that matters. This time she wants Sooyoung to be the one who pushes them forward. Wants Sooyoung to be the one opening up. She needs Sooyoung to tell her how she feels. All of what she feels.

Jinsoul’s tired of being the one that’s pouring her heart out.

“So? I’m having fun, stop bothering me.”

She can see Sooyoung roll her eyes. Suddenly Sooyoung’s bending down to her bag and Jinsoul sneaks a peak, she picked the worst night to ignore Sooyoung because she looks amazing. When Sooyoung raises back up, Jinsoul pretends her eyes were never wandering. Sooyoung leans against the metal again and obnoxiously chewing on gummy bears, popping them in her mouth and overworking her jaw in hopes of getting the least amount of attention from Jinsoul.

Jinsoul’s eyes struggle to not linger on the sharp line of Sooyoung’s jaw, but she reminds herself she’s a tough girl. She shouldn’t easily give into temptation...look where it’s got her so far.

Soon, a red gummy bear is staring at her. Sooyoung’s holding up for her, “you want one?” Jinsoul hates the pet name, it’s so unfair. How Sooyoung has a hold of her but Jinsoul barely has a grasp on the girl herself. 

Jinsoul raises a brow, “sure.” Opening her mouth she lets Sooyoung’s fingers come close, and then she snaps her teeth. Sooyoung doesn’t flinch, just glares at her coldly. Jinsoul giggles and chews up the sugar and swallows before going back to ignoring Sooyoung.

While Jinsoul could do this all night, Sooyoung’s finally the impatient one. Fingers press into her chin and her gaze is forced away from the game, “are you still mad at me?” 

Jinsoul can tell Sooyoung’s nervous, although she’s pretending to be all cool and calm. The older girl’s eyes shake, Jinsoul notices Sooyoung’s even wearing the lipgloss she bought her when they went to the mall. Most of it is gone though, since Sooyoung won’t stop chewing at her bottom lip.

“I should be shouldn’t I?” Jinsoul asks, but she can’t find it in her to be. “When you dumped me after our date, ditched me at the disco and then made me feel like shit after we had sex, did you think the other night would just fix all of that?” The sorry ass confession had an effect on Jinsoul, but she wanted more. Jinsoul always wants more because she can’t get enough of this girl. Sooyoung’s expression slowly fades, instead of stone, it slowly melts and the emotion behind the wall of ice becomes visible. “Three chances Sooyoung, I’ve given you three chances to break my heart and you still haven’t given me the chance to prove that I would never do the same to you.” 

Jinsoul then tilts her head, making Sooyoung’s fingers slide off her chin. Sooyoung’s eyes are glossy and they keep shining with the flicker of the arcade lights. Sooyoung tries to step forward but Jinsoul points the duck hunt gun, that stupid, grimy orange gun at Sooyoung’s chest. “I should be mad at you.” She repeats, more clearly now, but both her and Sooyoung know she isn’t mad in the slightest bit. Jinsoul drags the tip of the gun up Sooyoung’s chest, all the way to beneath Sooyoung’s chin, where the girl tilts her head up to avoid it.

If Jinsoul was truly mad, she would have forgotten about Sooyoung already. Jinsoul would have chewed the girl up and spit her out in a matter of seconds, and although Jinsoul is known for having a bad reputation . She never was the one for revenge, never was the one to be bitter for not getting what she wanted. She could have moved on to something better, but Jinsoul knows better isn’t out there. When the best is right in front of her. She doesn’t want to move on from this. Jinsoul’s tired of being so alone and Sooyoung’s the one her heart belongs to. The one she wants to be with. No one gets her like Sooyoung does. 

Sooyoung gulps against the tip of the gun, “then why aren’t you, why do you keep giving me these chances Jinsoul?”

The arcade lights flash around them as Jinsoul’s gaze switches back and forth between two eyes, full of unspoken words and vulnerability. Jinsoul has no idea what Sooyoung wants, but she knows she doesn’t want this to end. Sooyoung may say that’s what she wants just to keep her from getting any closer, but Jinsoul can tell that’s the very thing Sooyoung’s afraid of. Is this thing they have ending before it can even begin. That they’ll become strangers again.

The thought of losing Jinsoul is Sooyoung’s nightmare. 

“I know you didn’t want to hurt me and it’s my fault that you had to.” Jinsoul draws the gun closer to Sooyoung’s throat, “I keep getting closer and closer, I know you better than anyone else, and it scares you. That night, it was too much, I was too much so you pushed me away. You asked me to not get mad at you if that happened.” Jinsoul understands now why everyone thinks Sooyoung’s cold hearted, she’s not at all. She has thick walls of defense surrounding her and everyone mistakes her distance, her fear of intimacy, for apathy.

Sooyoung does care.

Jinsoul thinks Sooyoung has always cared. No one has ever taken the time to listen because Sooyoung is so reserved, so protective of every little emotion she has afraid that someone may use them against her. Jinsoul knows this girl has more kindness than anyone she’s ever met. It’s a shame that she has to hide it because so many people have taken advantage of it. 

“When you warned me, when you said that you’d hurt me, it wasn’t meant just for me.” Sooyoung’s warning was for her to slow down, to take a step back or she might become guarded once again. That’s what happened the night they spent together. Jinsoul had passed boundaries that Sooyoung wasn’t ready to open yet and she suffered the consequences. Sooyoung had to put a distance between them. “You were asking me not to hurt you either.” 

A lone tear travels down Sooyoung’s cheek and Jinsoul resists the urge to reach out and catch it. But Sooyoung needs to cry. Jinsoul knows this girl never cries. Jinsoul needs to understand Sooyoung and all that she is if she ever wants to love her right. She needs to know why she’s so afraid of intimacy, why she hides herself from the world, why she leads people on to believe she’s a bad person when she’s not at all.

“I know that it scares you Sooyoung. Whatever this is, it scares you.” Jinsoul begins to draw the gun back, “but I like you so much, god Sooyoung don’t know what to do. Tell me what to do, so I don’t lose you.” She can hear Sooyoung’s faint breathing, she sees the rise of her chest, the shine in her eyes. But Jinsoul can’t feel anything, she feels numb, she doesn’t know if she’s breathing or if her heart is even beating.

Sooyoung grabs the gun barrel slowly, where it was hovering over her chest. Sooyoung points it to her heart, “I lied to you.” Jinsoul finally feels something. It’s painful, “I thought I was in love once.” Sooyoung tells her, looking straight into her eyes she brings the gun lower. Where the scar Jinsoul had faintly touched once resides. It was a nasty scar, the cut must have been gruesome. “It almost killed me.” 

The pain in Jinsoul’s chest almost becomes intolerable as Sooyoung continues to speak, “I never wanted to get close to anyone ever again, afraid that the same thing might happen. Afraid if I give them any certain amount of my trust, anything of myself, they’ll use it to hurt me.” Sooyoung presses the yellow tip of the gun into her ribs, “women I’ve been with, some still tried. They thought they could... change who I am by loving me. They left the second it got too hard. When I wasn’t what they wanted. I was too much and not enough at the same time.” 

Jinsoul shakes her head, she would never make that mistake, “but you…” Sooyoung begins again and pushes the gun away and steps closer to Jinsoul. “I never give you what you want, I keep pushing you away, I keep hurting you but you keep coming back.” Jinsoul drops the gun to her side and takes in the warmth of Sooyoung’s body so close to her. “Everyone else would have given up the first night I left you behind.” 

Sooyoung takes the gun out of Jinsoul’s hands and puts it on the dock, before replacing the emptiness in the blonde’s palms with her own. “You see me for who I am, of what I’m afraid of, yet you stay.” Jinsoul squeezes the hands in her own, relaxing in the gentle touch. “You know I won’t be easy, that it will take...time for me to do this. Yet you stay.” Raising up one of Sooyoung’s hands she kisses the top of it, feeling her heart clench at the blush and tears on Sooyoung’s cheeks. 

“And I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t want your first love to be me. I was ruined, I can’t ruin you.” Sooyoung whispers and drops her head down, “you deserve everything, not someone who’s scared of it.” 

Jinsoul is quiet for a few seconds as Sooyoung waits for an answer. “I don’t want everything Sooyoung.” She says with a smile and Sooyoung peeks up shyly, “I don’t want it if it’s not you.” Jinsoul’s capable of getting anything she wants, but how lonely would it be if she didn’t have anyone to share it with. And the only person she can think of is Sooyoung, Sooyoung’s the one she wants to share this with.

Sooyoung blinks, her lip trembling, “why do I mean so much to you?” 

Cupping one of Sooyoung’s puffy cheeks she whispers, “because I will never forget the time I spend with you.” Jinsoul loves Sooyoung, because Sooyoung loves her in the way she’s always wanted to be loved. Jinsoul has always been treated like a doll, appreciated for her beauty and style, her attitude and charm. But never for her strength, for her ambitions, she’s never been respected for working hard to be the person she is today. Sooyoung sees all of that. Sooyoung sees her as the person she’s always been, and not the person she seems to be.

Jinsoul loves herself, and Sooyoung doesn’t try to outshine that. 

“Even if this doesn’t last Sooyoung, some part of me will always appreciate and belong to you. I will think of you, until I can’t think anymore.” Sooyoung’s face scrunches up then and Jinsoul snorts at how pitiful it is, taking the girl in her arms she promises, “so I want to give everything to these moments.” 

There’s a short pause, and that’s when it changes. Sooyoung begins to trust, the slightest bit, she believes in Jinsoul’s promise like it was the only one in the world.

“These moments with you. I want to give my all to them.” 

Sooyoung loves Jinsoul.

She loves every single thing about Jinsoul. 

Jinsoul will eventually pour all her love into Sooyoung, one drop at a time, “I’ll take the time to do it right.” But for now, it can only be a single drop, since it’s been so long that Sooyoung hasn’t felt this. “I don’t want you to forget what went wrong, what happened to you in the past.” Jinsoul tells her and rubs on the back on Sooyoung’s head, “but I want to make sure it’ll never go wrong again.” 

“I’ll take the time to do it right Sooyoung, even if it takes forever.” Sooyoung sniffles and Jinsoul pushes her back, looking into her eyes. “You may be bad at this, but jeez I’ve never done this before.”

Sooyoung smiles for the first time and dips her head back onto Jinsoul’s shoulder, clinging onto her awkwardly. Jinsoul rolls her eyes and hugs her again. But really, she’s the happiest girl alive. Sooyoung’s going to give her the chance. The chance to love her.

“We’ll figure it out, together…” Promising once more, Jinsoul etches it onto Sooyoung’s heart. “I know we will.” 

Sooyoung takes deep, grounding breaths, her hands gripped tightly on Jinsoul’s shirt. They stand there for what feels like hours, but really it’s only a matter of minutes. Sooyoung swallows all her feelings. She wants to tell Jinsoul everything. But she knows she can’t burden the girl this early on. Sooyoung has never had a friend like Jinsoul, she’s lucky to even have the chance of being her lover. 

From the start this girl was different. Jinsoul never treated her like some freak. Nor did she treat her as if she was some broken girl, incapable of doing anything for herself. All of Sooyoung’s life she’s been treated either or. To Jinsoul, she was just a girl. A girl with feelings and dreams. With fears and flaws. Jinsoul paid attention to every part of her. Cares about every part of her. Even though some parts of her have led to hurting Jinsoul. 

She remembers the first time they played here. That evening where the sun seemed to glow. Jinsoul had a nasty attitude and Sooyoung had felt the venom of the girl’s bite. She became addicted to it. No one had ever challenged Sooyoung like that. Either people hated her, or they loved the thought of her. But Jinsoul was in between. The girl despised her persona, the false arrogance and charm, but admired her for who she really was. Sooyoung’s never been seen inside out like that, only on the surface. 

“You know the very first bet we ever made, the one where we played every game in the arcade.” Sooyoung mumbles into the fabric Jinsoul’s shirt. The blonde’s hands smooth across her back. Over and over again. Never would have she thought from that day they’d end up here. Sooyoung had felt the spark back then, the unexplainable draw she had to Jinsoul. Everytime she was around the blonde it was hard to pull away, never wanting the moment to end with her. She was latched onto Jinsoul.

It freaked her out. 

The first night she met Jinsoul had freaked her out. Because she never wanted to know someone so badly. Sooyoung never had felt like that before. Locking eyes with a stranger had never felt so familiar to her.

She thinks she’s been waiting for Jinsoul all her life.

Meeting her was like finding the final piece to the puzzle and Sooyoung wanted to solve Jinsoul over and over again. To take her apart and appreciate every piece of her before putting her back together to worship the beautiful image the blonde was. She loved every second of it, the frustration, the relief, the feeling of being complete. All of it was Jinsoul. 

“Yup, when I kicked your ass.” Jinsoul replies, and Sooyoung can’t help but snort. She can’t help but love the girl’s attitude. She remembers being weirded out when she got butterflies from Jinsoul cursing her out. 

Sooyoung thinks the first tug on her heart was when she saw Jinsoul get so excited over winning, it was undeniably adorable. She’s never admired someone’s passion until that moment. Sooyoung was enamoured with the girl’s smile. How something so simple was that much fun to her. “Oh come on, I let you.” Sooyoung teases. 

Jinsoul pinches at her side but Sooyoung accepts it, she wants any kind of touch. “Nope don’t remember that.” 

Smiling to herself she tells Jinsoul, “If I won, which I was going to, I was gonna make you get dinner with me.” Sooyoung was so...curious. God, she wanted to know everything about Jinsoul. She had always made fun of Jinsoul for being obsessed when really she was the one infatuated with every inch of the blonde. “You wanna bet on it again. If I win we go get food if you win you well...you won’t, I won’t let you.” Sooyoung says playfully, she’s liked this girl from the beginning. She’s always liked Jinsoul. But she was just too afraid to admit it. Too afraid to accept it in fear of being pushed away. Jinsoul is the first person that makes sense to her.

Sooyoung’s falling in love with how complicated she is. 

Jinsoul doesn’t make it scary. 

“Oh you’re so on.” Jinsoul says and slightly pushes her away. Jinsoul still looks at her the same as she did that first night on the train. And Sooyoung thinks that maybe that’s when she began to feel the shift. The shift of her heart, where it started to beat again. 

Sooyoung’s in love with her. 

~~~~

They end up at Planet food. The old space themed buffet that they first had dinner together. Instead of sitting on opposite sides, Sooyoung had slid in beside Jinsoul, sitting on the same side, elbow to elbow.

Sooyoung craved the warmth that being close to Jinsoul brought. She wanted to trace the details of Jinsoul’s features. She hasn’t seen her in almost three weeks. Since the night they made love. It resurfaces intense feelings for Sooyoung. The last time she had locked eyes with Jinsoul was the first time she’s ever been so close to someone, so intimate. 

Her chest aches with this longing pressure, she didn’t realize how much she missed the kindness in Jinsoul’s smile until she knew what it felt like again. Her plate remains untouched, while Jinsoul is on her second. Sooyoung gently reaches out and tucks some of Jinsoul’s hair behind her ear. The blonde grumbles with her mouth full when Sooyoung brushes her fingertips across the back of it. She couldn’t help it, Jinsoul had really cute ears and the blonde’s reaction was priceless.

Jinsoul aggressively chews on her noodles, it’s all she’ll eat from this place. Sooyoung doesn’t blame her...most of the stuff is questionable, especially the steak that’s in the shape of a star, to go alone with the space theme of course. “You can slow down princess, it’s not going anywhere.” Jinsoul is hunched over her plate and sends her a quick glare for teasing her. Sooyoung only smiles, “Is it that good?”

The blonde moans with agreement and chews the rest of it up before speaking, “yeah, but you taste better.” Sooyoung’s face heats up at the comment and she avoids the suggestive glint in Jinsoul’s eyes. She had forgotten the girl was about as shameless as she was. Jinsoul slowly places a hand on her thigh and squeezes, Sooyoung quickly pushes it away, not liking how the simple touch made her squirm in the seat.

Trying to hide how flustered she is, Sooyoung tries to flirt back. But her voice fails her, “I know I do.” Jinsoul smiles when her voice breaks on the words, several pitches higher. The hand returns to her thigh and Sooyoung allows it this time not being able to resist the heat that blossoms inside her whenever Jinsoul’s palm begins to knead her flesh. “Hey I think they’re serving desert in the back.” Sooyoung tries again at this game they’re playing.

“Oh yeah what is it.” Jinsoul asks with a hint of curiosity in her tone, Sooyoung hums deeply when the hand squeezes particularly hard. She knocks her knees together and brings her hand to rest on Jinsoul’s arm, giving it the same treatment. Jinsoul only stares down at the hand and smiles. 

“Sooyoung tiramisu, I’m sure you’d love a piece.” Sooyoung says in a low voice and becomes embarrassed at the rasp in it. Jinsoul blinks once, then twice and pulls away entirely. Sooyoung pouts subconsciously, wishing Jinsoul was still touching her. 

Jinsoul looks her up and down, “Forget about what I said freak.” Sooyoung scoffs, it was clear the blonde was messing with her by the way her lips curl into a mischievous smile. Jinsoul was just trying to press her buttons. 

Leaning over she whispers in the way she knows Jinsoul can’t stand, “Baby we both know who’s the freak here.” Jinsoul groans as if she’s disgusted and pushes her away by the shoulder.

“God can you stop!”

“I don’t know if I can, you’re just so easy to tease, I can’t resist.” Sooyoung smiles as she scoots close again, enchanted by the way Jinsoul’s hair flows past her shoulders, framing her face like a portrait. 

Jinsoul quirks a brow, “and you're full of yourself.” Sooyoung begins to shake her head in defense but Jinsoul nods with a silent argument. 

“I thought you liked it?” Sooyoung frowns with false offense. She even takes after Jinsoul’s pout and bats her eyelashes. The blonde tries to keep her seriousness but a smile quickly wins over her lips. 

Jinsoul lets out an airy sigh and leans back into the booth, her eyes highlighted with gold, flicker between Sooyoung’s. “What am I going to do with you?” Sooyoung loves the shape of Jinsoul’s eyes, they’re like no other. 

“Hopefully whatever you want…” Sooyoung flirts, easily at that. Before it was fun seeing Jinsoul so frustrated. Now, Sooyoung just wants the girl to know how bad she has it.

Jinsoul’s smile softens in the slightest, and suddenly the confident gaze she’s trapping Sooyoung in becomes vulnerable. “Is this how you’ve always talked to girls?” Jinsoul tilts her head as she’s asking the question, showcasing her curiosity. 

Sooyoung hums, “only the ones this pretty. But then again, nobody is prettier than you.” Of course, she’s being honest, but it’s not the entire truth. Sooyoung had never allowed herself to open up to someone like she has to Jinsoul. A lot of girls may have gotten her charm, but she’s never adored anyone like she adores Jinsoul.

“You’re a real piece of work Ha Sooyoung.” Jinsoul whispers and Sooyoung wishes she knew what it meant. She wishes she knew what was going through Jinsoul’s head.

“Jinsoul you know I’m crazy about you. Only you. I hope you realize that.” 

The blonde blushes and shyly looks down into her lap, “I thought you were playing me for real, that’s what everyone told me.” Jinsoul then shifts in the seat, her back facing the wall as she pulls her knees up, sitting her feet flat on the booth. Sooyoung cautiously toys with the bottom of Jinsoul’s jeans before letting her fingertips slip underneath the hem, coming into contact with the soft skin of the blonde’s ankle. 

“Told you what?” 

Sooyoung’s heard it all before. When she rejected girls that wanted to be in her life time after time again. It’s always the same thing. They’re not happy finding out the girl they’re in love with doesn’t feel the same way. Sooyoung never asked to be loved, and she hated when they made her feel obligated to love them back. 

She told them from the beginning it would never be that.

“That you were cold hearted, and hated commitment, that you only did this kind of thing so you could have sex.” Sooyoung clenches her jaw, “That’s what Doyeon said at least. Jiwoo said you were just misunderstood...but you still broke her heart.” 

Sooyoung closes her eyes, it was the truth. Jiwoo is a nice girl. They met at the wrong time. Sooyoung wasn’t as honest back then as she is now. Jiwoo had understood her and that was what destroyed her. Sooyoung didn’t want to break Jiwoo’s heart, but the girl had made the mistake in giving it to her when she didn’t want it. Sooyoung had asked her,  _ don’t fall in love with me.  _ Yet Jiwoo did. 

“I did. I broke her heart.” Sooyoung admits.

“Why?”

Glancing up at Jinsoul she can tell that she’s scared. Someone as fearless as Jinsoul is scared of her. Sooyoung can’t help but think she’s the monster that everyone says she is. Jinsoul’s afraid of being rejected, being pushed away by Sooyoung. She doesn’t know how to tell Jinsoul that won’t happen. Sooyoung needs her. She’s not a monster. She’s just as scared. “It had always been sex for me, it’s all I can handle and honestly all that I needed and I don’t know, some girls didn’t understand that. Even though I’d tell them from the start it’s nothing more but they never believe it. They end up getting hurt when it becomes true.”

Rumors started when she was nineteen, her first year in university that she was a heartbreaker. She didn’t have that much sympathy back then. Sometimes she was glad for the rumors, no girl would try to have more than just a physical relationship with her. Sooyoung wanted to keep that way. The less they knew her, the more it became less likely that she would get hurt. “Jiwoo was one of those girls, I really didn’t mean to hurt her, but I wanted nothing more. I never played anyone intentionally, it's just what they thought when I wasn’t on the same page as them.” 

Sooyoung pauses for a moment, “why would I let someone in when they could hurt me. Why would I trust them when they would use it to turn against me. It’s easier letting them think I’m some heartless player than to tell them the truth, that I’m sucker afraid of it all.” They always leave in the end anyways, they always accept Sooyoung as she seems to be. Sooyoung’s never been loved for who she is, just the fantasy of her, of what she could have been. But...once her past lovers realized she’d never be who they wanted, they’d disappear.“I never wanted to be loved by anyone. Do you know how much it hurts to be loved and tossed away the next second. I hate...allowing people in, it’s a risk I've never been able to take.”

She glances at Jinsoul, the blonde is staring straight at her. Her jaw locked, her eyes intense. Sooyoung gulps as Jinsoul asks, “Why am I different Sooyoung? Why are you giving me the chance?”

“You’ve always chased after me Jinsoul.” And there’s been some, Seola, Yubin, hell maybe even Jiwoo have tried. They chased after her too, but in the end Sooyoung's defense was impenetrable. They tried to fight for her. But Sooyoung didn’t want it. With them, it didn’t feel right. For them, especially Seola, it was only about the way Sooyoung made them feel. It was the challenge that she was. It made her feel like she was a game herself. Sooyoung never thought of them. Her heart never ached for them. So she never gave it to them. 

But with Jinsoul.

The girl doesn’t even have to ask for it.

“Is that the only reason?” Jinsoul is clearly not convinced, “because I haven’t given up on you?” Sooyoung knows how it must sound. That the only reason Jinsoul hasn’t been pushed away is because she’s kept coming back. If Sooyoung really wanted this to end, she’d make it happen. Jinsoul would hate her. But at least, the girl wouldn’t chase after her anymore.

That isn’t what she wants though. 

“You’re not the first person that’s fought for me Jinsoul.” Sooyoung admits, “other girls have tried to pry their way in like you have.” Sooyoung never let them though, like she has with Jinsoul. “I didn’t want to let them in, but I do want you. I’ve always wanted you.” And Sooyoung realizes she wouldn’t let Jinsoul move on like the rest of them. For the first time, Sooyoung would be fighting for someone, she would be begging Jinsoul. To give her chance after chance after chance. “If you would have ever given up on me, I would have been the one chasing after you. It wouldn’t be easy to get rid of me Jinsoul. Especially not now.” She has feelings for Jinsoul, it isn’t as simple as it has been in the past.

She doesn’t want this girl to disappear from her life.

From the beginning, Sooyoung knew that Jinsoul was the one that was going to change everything. That she was the one that Sooyoung just couldn’t let go. Was going to be the one Sooyoung hung onto. 

She already has chased after Jinsoul. Returning to her again and again after they had their differences. After all their arguments and petty feuds, Sooyoung just kept coming back to Jinsoul. How could Jinsoul not see it? When she could have easily avoided her after that first night they met. When she kept trying and trying to get on the blonde’s good side.

“Really?” Jinsoul asks, her eyes are still searching. She’s searching for approval, reassurance. 

So Sooyoung tries her best to give it to her, “I’ve never felt this way before. Ever.” Sooyoung needs Jinsoul to realize it’s her. Just her. Not just the situation. The convenience. Sooyoung’s been here plenty of times before. Telling past lovers of hers it’s never going to work no matter how hard they try to make it work. 

But this time, Sooyoung’s the one that wants to make it work. 

Because it’s just Jinsoul.

It’s always been Jinsoul.

Jinsoul’s blushes, “okay.” Sooyoung doesn’t think Jinsoul’s sounded this timid before. But then the blonde smiles and repeats it. 

“Okay.” 

~~~~

It’s when they’re taking the train back home that Sooyoung feels her head droop. She struggles to keep her eyes open, there’s been something holding her back from resting properly, keeping her up night after night. That one thing was Jinsoul and now that she was here, Sooyoung felt safe enough to close her eyes. Knowing she’d be there when she’d open them again. 

“Are you tired?” Sooyoung snaps up again where she was leaning forward in her seat, Jinsoul’s snuggly sat to her side. 

Sooyoung yawns, “I’ve been working so much…it’s kicking my ass.”

She glances at Jinsoul for a second but then pulls away when the blonde is looking intently at her, “have you been eating?” Sooyoung gives her a short nod, she has eaten...enough. She’s sure Jinsoul would scold her for only eating chips and gummies for dinner. But still, it’s eating. “Sleeping?” Sooyoung goes to nod again but a finger points menacingly at her, “Don’t lie.” Now if Sooyoung were to nod, she would be lying. But she’s a bit embarrassed as to why she hasn’t been sleeping. Jinsoul’s nails are shorter than the last time she…saw them. She guesses the blonde had made some adjustments. They’re perfectly trimmed down while maintaining a cute color. 

“I’m having trouble.” Sooyoung’s eyes travel up the length of Jinsoul’s arm, where she’s met with a concerned yet warm stare. “Without you.” Sooyoung starts and kind of loses track for a second, Jinsoul is seriously pretty. She wonders if it would be a bad time to remind her. Shaking the thought, she stumbles out, “I um...you keep me up at night. Wishing you was there.” 

Jinsoul seems to be very pleased by that answer, based on the smug grin she’s now wearing. Sooyoung wants to roll her eyes, but the girl has every right to feel satisfied. “You can sleep now if you want.” Sooyoung hums, that smooth voice of Jinsoul’s makes it even more tempting. Suddenly it’s the best idea.

“Are you sure? I drool.”

“Yeah, you’ll just have to buy me a new shirt.” Sooyoung glances down at Jinsoul's striped shirt, it’s faded, baggy, something she wouldn’t imagine seeing the blonde in. Neither would she imagine the worn out jeans or battered converse. She likes it, Sooyoung gets butterflies from just seeing Jinsoul like this. “It’s one of my favorites.” 

Sooyoung stares at her for a second and sees the honesty in Jinsoul’s eyes. Sooyoung takes her fingers and rubs the fabric of the shirt between them. It’s incredibly soft, so she lays her head on Jinsoul’s shoulder and presses her face into the fabric. Sooyoung takes a deep breath and everything about Jinsoul is so warm. Even her smell, which reminds her of Caramel right after it’s been melted. 

For a second, the angle is awkward and the train is shaky, but Jinsoul shifts and Sooyoung finds the comfort of leaning against the girl’s chest. Jinsoul’s hands are settled in her lap, but they slowly inch towards Sooyoung’s. 

Her fingers intertwine with Jinsoul’s and her heart beats twice as fast. “I really like you.” Sooyoung says out loud for the first time. Jinsoul’s presses into her knuckles. 

“I know.” 

“Do you? I don’t think you do.” Sooyoung asks, she feels like she’s already made too many mistakes. She should have told Jinsoul the truth when the blonde first confessed. 

“Yeah...you’re kind of a bad liar. I knew you liked me for a long time, I could see it in your eyes that it was the truth, it's just, I didn’t know how much you liked me.” Jinsoul explains as Sooyoung watches her trace over her knuckles, “I didn’t know if you liked me as much as I liked you, or if you were only attracted to me.” 

Sooyoung grimaces, knowing how it probably came off pretty dirty when she blew Jinsoul off after...what they had done and then not talking to her for almost three weeks. “I’m sorry. I really thought you’d come after me but you left.” Sooyoung remembers how the rest of the night she stared at the door, waiting for Jinsoul to come back. “I should have told you how I really felt.” 

Lifting her head up she presses her face into the crook of Jinsoul’s throat, her forehead smushed against the girl’s cheek. “I’m not ready for the whole thing, what I want with you. I want it all but, one thing at a time and I didn’t think it would be fair to sleep with you when I couldn’t commit to everything from the start. I was overwhelmed with all the feelings I have for you.” Jinsoul squeezes her hand and she feels the blonde smile against her. 

“I left the disco because I knew I wouldn’t be able to ignore you any longer, I knew if you came back with me, I wouldn't be able to stop whatever happened.” Sooyoung couldn’t control her desire anymore. The temptation was too much. So much that it hurt. “And well...I mean.” Sooyoung shyly mumbles and raises up to look into Jinsoul’s eyes, “I have a hard time not giving into you. It feels too good when you’re around.” 

“I’m that irresistible?” Jinsoul asks and Sooyoung rolls her eyes, how she was stressing out and Jinsoul just seemed so carefree about it all. It was one of the reasons she loved her so much. “I’m kidding Sooyoung, you should have just told me that instead of being a jackass. I would have kept my hands to myself.” 

“I was going to tell you and then…” Sooyoung goes to argue but it quickly dies in her throat when Jinsoul gives her  _ that  _ look. She had been sitting there in the dark thinking of ways she was going to confess to Jinsoul. But then the blonde showed up to her door, soaking wet from the rain. Looking like every version of her fantasy. How could Sooyoung resist? It was impossible.

Jinsoul understands her silence and quietly asks, “You really want this?” 

Sooyoung thinks it’s a silly question to ask. “Of course, but I’m so afraid I’ll mess it up no matter what.” 

“You won’t Sooyoung, there’s nothing you could do to mess it up.” Jinsoul is quick to reassure her, “I hope you know that.”

“I don’t want to disappoint you by not being enough.”

“Silly you are enough, you’re the right amount for me.” Jinsoul laughs and it brings a smile to Sooyoung’s face. “I told you, we’ll figure this thing out, you and me. We don’t have to think about the details right now.” Sooyoung doesn’t think she could have found a better match. How lucky was she to find a girl like Jinsoul.

“If I was the one that lost the deal what would you have asked me,” Jinsoul quickly glances away, the color on her cheeks deepening. 

Jinsoul shakes her head, “it doesn’t matter now, I already got it.” And maybe the blonde is right. Sooyoung lays her head back down and hums into the warmth that blankets her.

They don’t need to think of the details now.

~~~~

Sooyoung’s apartment is cozy, it’s a bit cluttered and Jinsoul’s doesn’t have tunnel vision like the last time she was here. She notices a lot more things now that she doesn’t have her face shoved in...areas where her vision was limited. Like the fact that Sooyoung has so many posters and colorful paintings. Way too many house plants for some reason. And a little area filled with blankets and cushions. 

In front of that area is like a pot of gold to Jinsoul. Sooyoung has a total of six atari games...and the console itself. Jinsoul sits awkwardly on the couch while Sooyoung takes a shower. She can just imagine the girl laying on her tummy playing video games late into the night. The thought makes her blush, because Jinsoul’s certain she’d faint at how adorable it would be.

The other thoughts she’s having are not entirely new. Since she isn’t worried about Sooyoung dumping her anymore. Jinsoul gets to appreciate the memory of the last time she was on this couch. Last week everytime she thought about it she’d get an uneasy feeling of dread and fear. The fear of being rejected once again. Jinsoul just couldn’t handle the thought of it, if her and Sooyoung’s fate ended up that way. So she had refused to think about it, now that it wasn’t true, she could acknowledge what a nightmare it would be if Sooyoung didn’t feel the same. 

But tonight was a bit of a smack in the face. It had been so obvious, Jinsoul should have never doubted Sooyoung. She should have believed in her from the start. Of course Sooyoung was just as bad as she was, if not worse, judging how the girl has gone on and on tonight about how she feels. Jinsoul is sure she’ll have to go to the doctor for high blood pressure, it was like a dream come true and her heart couldn’t keep up with the joy flowing through her. 

Still she couldn’t help but ask for reassurance and everytime Sooyoung gave her more than what she needed. Jinsoul can’t change anything now, her heart belongs to Sooyoung willingly. Jinsoul still has fears but she’s confident that Sooyoung’s not going anywhere anytime soon. Sooyoung was trying and Jinsoul could tell that she was nervous.

Sometimes she had that same lost look in her eyes, the same that she did that night she walked away from Jinsoul. There’s no way it was coincidence, so Jinsoul thinks every time she takes a step forward, closer to Sooyoung, the girl relives her past and remembers how these feelings they have for each other can turn to poison any second.

Jinsoul will make sure they never will. Slowly, she wants to show Sooyoung that this isn’t a bad thing that they have, even though it hurt her in the past. Jinsoul wants to make up for that. She only wants Sooyoung to be happy, to feel safe with her.

And knowing that she scared Sooyoung that night, when the girl wasn’t ready to acknowledge her feelings yet. Jinsoul can’t help but feel a little guilty. When she was ready to hit this head on while Sooyoung was still preparing for the leap.

Jinsoul squishes a couch cushion in her hand and blushes. Flashbacks from that night seeps into her thoughts. How Sooyoung had a vice like grip on the same cushion when she, Jinsoul exhales quickly and leans her head back. God she liked it so much. 

She completely understood now why being with guys felt so...dull. It always came up short, leaving Jinsoul to feel icky and disappointed. Having Sooyoung under her was nothing less of an awakening. Jinsoul felt like she was being put under a spell while watching Sooyoung react to her touch. She wanted to do it more, she wanted to make Sooyoung feel good forever. 

Knowing that she has the chance to do that now, Jinsoul isn’t going to give it up for nothing. “What are you smiling about?”

Jinsoul opens her eyes, not even realizing they were closed as she was reliving the fantasy it was the last time she was here. Sooyoung’s standing there, hair dripping wet with baggy pajamas on. There’s a faint blush on her neck and cheeks as she looks between Jinsoul and the couch. 

Taking her hand and rubbing it across the back of the couch she shrugs, “nothing, I’m just happy.” Sooyoung raises a brow and Jinsoul fails to stifle her laugh, “what can’t I smile? Do you want me to pout up like you?” Sooyoung quickly turns away after being called out, wiping the pout of her lips. 

Sooyoung sits down next to her, a good length away. Jinsoul tries to not think about it too much. How Sooyoung’s hands shake in her lap. How her blush has crawled up to her ears now. She can’t help but smirk at the sight, knowing that Sooyoung probably can’t stand this. “Why are you happy?” 

Jinsoul quirks a brow, “isn’t it obvious? The girl I’m crazy about likes me back. Do you even know how much I dream about you? How good it feels that it’s true.” Jinsoul can’t wait to revisit her diary, she thinks she may put in ten entries. It’s been waiting for this moment too. “Aren’t you happy too?” 

Sooyoung is twiddling her thumbs in her lap and slowly glances up, as soon as they lock eyes the girl jerks her gaze back down to her lap. Jinsoul, a bit confused, tilts her head. Sooyoung quickly glances at her again and tears it away the next second. Sooyoung softly laughs and mumbles out, “Jesus I can’t look at you without feeling all warm inside.” 

Jinsoul’s jaw drops at the same time as Sooyoung’s, “that was so…”

“Don’t.” Sooyoung warns, while she was embarrassed Jinsoul was in awe. “Just pretend I didn’t say that.” 

“How can I pretend? It was so cute.” Sooyoung panics a bit as Jinsoul begins to scoot closer to her. Jinsoul crawls right up to her as Sooyoung leans away, her eyes avoiding the blonde’s curious stare. “What else do you feel when you look at me?”

Sooyoung’s blush deepens and Jinsoul wonders if this girl has been this shy the whole time. She remembers how arrogant and charming Sooyoung can be at moments, that her confidence is almost suffocating. Jinsoul’s so attracted to that carefree attitude of Sooyoung’s, but god she likes this too. 

“I-I don’t know.” Sooyoung stammers out.

Jinsoul clicks her tongue, “aht aht, tell me, I wanna know.” She now has Sooyoung pinned to the arm of the couch. They’ve been here before, it can end a certain way. 

Sooyoung’s gaze flickers between her own and the moment Jinsoul knows she’s lost control is when the girl’s eyes travel down to her lips. Jinsoul waits, she’s not the one to call the shots anymore. So she waits and waits and waits. But she doesn’t mind, the tension makes it that much more appetizing. 

It isn’t soon after when she feels the softness of Sooyoung’s lips against hers. 

Sooyoung seems to regain confidence that she had lost earlier, pressing against Jinsoul to push her back to the middle of the couch. Their lips release in a soft smack, and Jinsoul subconsciously licks hers to make sure they’re still there. Sooyoung has this effect on her, it sets every nerve ending in her body on fire but leaves her lips numb. A single kiss makes her feel like she’s freefalling. 

Jinsoul leans forward this time, timidly pressing another kiss into Sooyoung. She feels Sooyoung’s hand push against her tummy so she tries to back away, but her lips are chased. Their kisses are almost incomplete, it seems they reconnect over and over again but never part. They’re feather light and it drives Jinsoul insane. Jinsoul lays back into the cushions and it’s like deja vu when Sooyoung breaks their kiss and looks down at her.

Except this time, Sooyoung looks straight into her eyes. 

“I feel everything when I look at you.” 

Sooyoung presses her hand flat to the blonde’s chest. Jinsoul’s heart is drumming hard against her palm. So hard she fears it might burst. Jinsoul’s the one that can’t stand it now, so she closes her eyes, in fear of being consumed. Her lips are kissed again and she feels the pressure of Sooyoung’s body against her own. 

Her hands go to grasp at the fabric on Sooyoung’s back, the kiss she receives is firmer this time around, more sure. They only continue to get deeper and deeper, as Jinsoul clings to dear life, clawing her way through the soft cotton of Sooyoung’s pajamas. 

Just like that night, their bodies fit together like puzzle pieces. Jinsoul slides a leg between Sooyoung’s own and her hands roam everywhere, she can’t touch the same spot because the heat there is too much. She feels like she’ll end up getting burned. 

Her hands drift down to Sooyoung’s waist, squeezing there as she sucks on Sooyoung’s bottom lip at the same time. The girl above her groans and presses into her tighter before pulling away, “I missed you. I can’t explain how much I missed you.” Jinsoul shakes her head and kisses Sooyoung’s already swollen lips. Sooyoung doesn’t have to explain, her touch is enough. Jinsoul can taste it on the tip of her tongue. 

Unlike the last time, nothing about this is desperate, rushed. Sooyoung is drawing out every kiss. Making it last for what seems like forever. Jinsoul goes dizzy at the sensation, she doesn’t understand how Sooyoung does this to her. She doesn’t want to understand. It feels right, it feels amazing, it’s all that matters.

Her hand sneaks between their bodies, and Jinsoul can feel Sooyoung’s tummy go tight. The tips of her fingers press against the waistband of Sooyoung’s pants. “Can I?” She mumbles into the kiss and Sooyoung slips away. Jinsoul then notices how shaky her breath is, how nervous she is about all of this. 

Sooyoung quickly shakes her head no and both of them let out a breath of relief. Even though it’s all Jinsoul can think about she doesn’t know if she’d be able to survive doing this again. She’s not ready either. “Too much?” Sooyoung buries her face into her shoulder and nods. Even though it was tempting to keep kissing Sooyoung at that mind numbing pace, she knew it wasn’t the right moment. Jinsoul squeezes at the girl’s tiny waist again and it draws out a high-pitched moan from Sooyoung’s lips. It’s right against her ear and Jinsoul wiggles underneath her, “yeah you’re gonna have to get off me or...just get off of me.” Jinsoul is seriously getting dizzy and that sound did not help. 

Sooyoung giggles faintly and raises up, “sorry, did that turn you on?” 

Glaring up at the girl she shoves her to the other end of the couch. Sooyoung was testing her sanity at this point. “That was on purpose wasn’t it.”

The girl across from her bites back a smile, “maybe? Would I be in trouble if it was?” 

“You’re gonna be the death of me.” Jinsoul says seriously, there was something about Sooyoung that was so addicting. That she couldn’t get enough of. This girl has Jinsoul’s heart in her clutch. 

Sooyoung takes a hand and combs it through her wet hair, “not if you don’t kill me first.” Jinsoul sits silently as she catches her breath, Sooyoung does the same, panting in a rhythm. “We shouldn’t get carried away like that.” 

Jinsoul scoffs, “me? I’m not the one being...” 

The girl across from her laughs and Jinsoul’s reminded of just how much a prick Sooyoung can be sometimes, it only makes Jinsoul wanna kiss those stupidly pretty lips again and again. “being what?” 

Rolling her eyes she covers her face, “god Sooyoung you are so, freaking annoying.” The darkness her hands provide is comforting, she can calm her racing heart. The sounds that poured from Sooyoung’s mouth don’t replay in her mind. No matter how much Jinsoul wants them to, she’ll be sure to revisit them when she’s alone. 

Peeking through her fingers she finds Sooyoung only an inch away from her. The girl’s eyes are full of affection, something she’s never seen before with Sooyoung. “I know baby.” Jinsoul melts at the name and slowly drags her hands away, Sooyoung smiles at her and Jinsoul curses at how dreamy it is. “Can I kiss you again?” 

Weighing her options, she can either refuse and get the satisfaction of Sooyoung pouting or she can go back to heaven, or at least that’s what kissing Sooyoung feels like. Jinsoul chooses silently, lazily wrapping her arms around Sooyoung’s shoulders. Sooyoung smirks but in no way is it smug, it’s just like someone who’s won the lottery. “No funny business okay?” Jinsoul asks shyly as Sooyoung settles them back down into the cushions, it only feels right pressed against each other. “I won’t be able to stand it.” 

Sooyoung takes her thumb and presses it to her forehead, wiping away some stray hairs. Jinsoul’s always been treated delicately, but never this gentle. Her past lovers were afraid of breaking her. Sooyoung is the only one that knows how to handle her. Tangling some of her fingers in damp hair, Jinsoul tries her hardest not to blush. But it isn’t easy when she hears the soft husk of Sooyoung’s voice, “I can’t stand it either. But I have to kiss you.” Jinsoul wishes she could roll her eyes, but she doesn’t want to miss a second looking at Sooyoung.

The girl leans down again and captures her lips. Jinsoul’s tries to ignore the details but they’re all so overwhelming.

She can’t help but think of all of them.

~~~~

They don’t get carried away, but Sooyoung does get sleepy. Jinsoul can tell by the sluggish motions of her lips. After a while Jinsoul pulls away, laying her hand against Sooyoung’s jaw, the girl leans into it as she asks, “you need to sleep.” Sooyoung blinks at her and it’s so slow Jinsoul can’t help but giggle. “And I need to go.” 

She was wide awake. Jinsoul feels like she’s been sleeping so long. The dream of being with Sooyoung was keeping in this trance, constantly pulling her in and out. But now that it was reality, Jinsoul doesn’t wanna close her eyes again. No matter how soothing it is being with Sooyoung. 

Sooyoung is staring at her, it’s cold. “Go? Go where?” 

Jinsoul tilts her head, “home?” Sooyoung’s stare goes colder and the dark circles under her eyes just makes it even more intimidating. “What?” Jinsoul didn’t wanna bother Sooyoung in the morning. She’s not exactly the quietest person and she has to get up super early to look amazing as she always does and...Sooyoung is still staring. “Jesus what is it?”

“I thought you were staying?” Sooyoung asks but it’s not really a question, more of a statement. A very serious one at that. Suddenly Sooyoung’s lips that were pointed in a straight line curl up into a smile, “Stay with me tonight? Please?”

Jinsoul opens her mouth to protest but she closes it, she probably looks like a fish out of water. How can she just say no to that? “Okay, I guess I’ll stay, I do get up early and I have to look good, so...I hope-”

Sooyoung cuts her off with a kiss and drags her to her feet. Jinsoul stumbles on her way to Sooyoung’s bedroom. For a second, a wave of nerves hit her. She hasn’t really slept over at a lover’s before. Jinsoul hated sleeping with another person. It was too hot and it made her face swell and...she really can’t say no to Sooyoung. Especially when she sits on the edge of the bed and pats it.

Jinsoul hesitantly sits beside her. Sooyoung stares for a second and mumbles out, “goodnight Jinsoul.” Watching Sooyoung settle down in the sheets, snuggling up to a pillow, Jinsoul joins her. She shifts her skirt off, leaving her only in her old striped shirt. She lays beside Sooyoung and turns her back to the girl before scooting closer. Their backs pressed together and well, Jinsoul’s not hot, but she certainly feels warm.

It’s comforting. 

Jinsoul feels safe enough. For so long she’s guarded herself, she hasn’t let herself open up to anyone. She had been rejected too many times to handle it once more. But with Sooyoung, even though rejection hurts, Jinsoul doesn’t feel as she has been. Sooyoung’s the first person to accept her for who she is. All of her, Jinsoul knows she can be a handful. But Sooyoung seems to like it. 

She wants to let it out, what she’s been keeping in for this long. It’s all of her desire. She’s always wanted to know what it feels like to fall in love and Sooyoung’s the one. It takes her almost half an hour to build up the courage to say it. To answer a question she hasn’t been able to admit even to herself. “I was gonna ask you to give me the chance to love you.” It’s out in the open now, and Jinsoul can’t find herself wanting to turn back. “If you lost the deal. I want to learn with you, how to fall in love. That’s all Sooyoung. To let me eventually love you, the way you deserve to be.” 

Jinsoul curls up into herself, and the girl behind her is silent. She doesn’t know whether to be scared or not. She doesn’t even know if Sooyoung’s awake, or if she isn’t replying because she doesn’t know what to say. The silence is starting to kill Jinsoul so she closes her eyes and tries to count numbers over and over again to lull herself to sleep.

“How do you always do it?”

Although it’s only a whisper it feels like a gunshot to Jinsoul’s heart.

“Do what?”

“Say things that I’m never prepared for.”

Jinsoul thinks for a moment and then laughs, “God I should be the one asking that. You always knew how to make my head spin.” It’s the same thing. Jinsoul was never prepared for Sooyoung. “Even when I couldn’t stand you, how you made my fucking insides melt I couldn’t ever understand.” She could be the biggest bitch, and Sooyoung would treat her like an angel. Jinsoul thinks the girl has seen through her whole facade the whole time. She’s seen that poor excuse of an attitude that Jinsoul has to protect her own feelings.

Sooyoung turns to her and Jinsoul goes to turn too, wanting to face Sooyoung. Jinsoul wants to see what her eyes are saying. But Sooyoung presses her palms to her shoulders, silently begging her to stay put. “Don’t. Stay there. Please don’t turn around. I can’t say it if you’re looking at me.” Sooyoung’s forehead lays between her shoulder blades and Jinsoul can’t help but to tense up, “I’ll end up saying more than what we’re ready for if you’re looking at me.”

Jinsoul’s chest aches and she nods, even though Sooyoung can’t see her. She doesn’t know the girl’s eyes are squeezed shut. Jinsoul doesn’t know Sooyoung feels the same way as she does right now. “I like you so much it makes me sick to my stomach.” 

Hearing the words makes Jinsoul sick to her own stomach. “There’s something about you, from the moment we met, I just knew you were it.” And Jinsoul felt it too, she still feels it. Although she doesn’t know what it is. “You were the one that was going to change everything.” 

Jinsoul wishes she could understand it all. However, being clueless makes it that much more addicting. Maybe that’s why this is so scary with Sooyoung. She really doesn’t know what’s happening, but it doesn’t feel wrong. It must be right. “I knew I would never be able to get you out of my head. That I had to know everything about you.” Sooyoung pauses there and Jinsoul hears a shaky inhale of air. She can tell by the way Sooyoung’s hands tremble against her that the girl is nervous. She’s probably never confessed to anyone like this.

“I want to know everything about you Jinsoul.”

_ Me too. _

“All your secrets.”

“What you’re afraid of.”

“What you love.”

_ Who you’ve loved. _

_ And why you don’t love them anymore. _

_ Will the same happen to us? _

Jinsoul closes her eyes and tries to imagine it. What this would be like if she were facing Sooyoung. If she could see the truth in her eyes or if she became even more unsure. The words are enough, they’ve always been enough with Sooyoung. No one has ever spoken to her like Sooyoung does. No one ever listens like Sooyoung does. “It isn’t perfect with you, but it feels so right.” Jinsoul closes her eyes when she remembers Jiwoo.

When she had asked what it was like falling in love Jiwoo had told her that very thing. In no way will it ever be perfect with Sooyoung, but no other way is right like it is with her. 

Sooyoung clings to her harder, “I can’t stand being around you because I always feel like I’m going insane. But when you’re gone I miss you every second, so much that it hurts and I’m stuck wishing you were with me. I like how you drive me crazy. I like being with you so much that I got attached to that nasty attitude of yours. I know how kind you can be when you want to. I just like every part of you.” Jinsoul tries to turn around again but Sooyoung’s hands keep her at bay. 

“Please, Sooyoung…” She asks quietly, but the girl still doesn’t let her turn. Not even after begging Sooyoung won’t let her turn. 

“I don’t think nothing will ever make me feel this way. No one will ever compare to how you make me feel.” Since Sooyoung won’t let her turn around, Jinsoul reaches behind and latches onto Sooyoung’s hands, pulling them around to wrap around her. Jinsoul’s never been able to stand the warmth of another body, that’s why she was so attracted to Sooyoung in the first place. But the ice is slowly melting away and Jinsoul finds herself falling in love with the girl inside. 

Jinsoul can feel the tears soaking through her shirt now and she wonders if Sooyoung’s always been this sensitive, “I never have to hide from you. No one has ever liked me for who I am. You don’t make me feel guilty about loving myself.” Jinsoul’s heart blooms at the words. Sooyoung doesn’t even realize that this is all Jinsoul’s ever wanted.

“All my life I’ve been convinced to hate every part of me.”

“You remind me of all the things I love about myself. That’s why I...that’s why-“

_ That’s why I love you. _

“You make me so happy Jinsoul.”

Jinsoul forces her way around this time but instead of facing Sooyoung she closes her eyes and reaches out to cradle the girl’s head. Sooyoung’s hair is soft, it feels like silk passing through Jinsoul’s fingers. “I haven’t had a good memory in almost eight years. I have so many bad ones that I can’t sleep at night. If i try sleeping, I have nightmares. It used to be all I thought about was what scared me.” Jinsoul keeps her eyes closed, but she can feel the girl’s breath. When she leans her face forward, pressing her lips to Sooyoung’s cheeks, she can taste the tears. They’ve never tasted so bittersweet. “But ever since I met you, I think of you at night. And all the fear goes away. You’re the one thing that makes me feel safe. think of all the fun we’ve had, I think of all the memories you’ve helped me make. You remind me of the good times I once had. You helped me realize that I can have that again.” 

This must be love, Jinsoul thinks. Sooyoung must love her to be rambling out all these words. And while Jinsoul’s always hated these kinds of things, people pour their heart out to her. Explaining every little detail of what they feel. This time it’s all she wants and she can’t help but want more. 

She’ll never get enough of this.

“I can’t thank you enough for that”

This must be love.

“I can’t thank you enough for making me forget how cruel the world can be because you’re so good.”

Because she’s never felt like this before.

“I can’t thank the world enough for giving me you.”

It must be more than love.

~~~~

Yayyy! Hope everyone enjoys this! Tell me how it was for you guys ^_^

I don’t have a chapter prepared for next week but I am writing, online classes are kind of draining me though so when I try to write it’s kinda just an little poof of air in my head. Next few chapters though should be fun a lot like chapter 18 heheheh

Lots of love as always mwah!

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	25. The blind spots: discovery.

With her chin between her finger and thumb Jinsoul calls out, “Hmmm can hit me with the pink again.” The employee in front of Jinsoul looks at her reluctantly and holds the pink dress up. Narrowing her eyes, Jinsoul pretends to be in deep thought. Her choice was already made because the white dress in the employee’s other hand was to die for...but Jinsoul was enjoying how miserable this guy was from her shopping spree. 

“Miss are you sure you can afford these items be-”

“Uh do I look like I can’t afford them?” She cuts him off quickly, raising a brow. “I mean I thought it was your job to convince me, not be a weirdo and ask me if I got money, which I totally do by the way.” Jinsoul may or may not have lied. She hasn’t checked her purse for any miracles, but then again, she knows there’s probably only dust in there. Oh and she has a picture of Sooyoung and her.

Although it’s not gonna buy her these dresses, to Jinsoul, the picture is priceless. 

“I’m sorry it’s just-

Rolling her eyes she flips out her hand, checking out her nails in a bored manner. “No shit sherlock you’ve asked me like bazillion gazillion times and what has the answer been every time?” 

The employee sulks, “Yes...”

“So? What’s your deal? You a little slow up there?” Before crossing her arms she brings a single finger up to twist it around beside her head. 

Clearly taking offense the employee starts to shake, going red in the face. “Oh yeah, that’s rich coming from the bimbo of all bimbos.” It takes a moment for Jinsoul to wrap her head around the words, since it was a shock to her and the whole universe. When the gears finally start to click, she sees red…

Somehow, her hands end up on his tie, tugging it so hard it strangles him, Jinsoul would like to spin him around but his hands have found their way into her perfectly styled hair. “Let my hair go, you fugly freak!” Just as Jinsoul is about to use her ultra power move, a swift kick to the guy’s boy parts, meaty hands break them apart. 

It’s the store owner, entirely too sweaty to just be sitting down all down and a little funky smelling like ham gone wrong. Jinsoul turns away to gag but quickly puts her pout on. Like she was going to let Mr. Sissy who pulls hair in fights win over her. 

“Woah what’s the problem here?” 

The hardest thing Jinsoul’s ever done, probably the most difficult thing in her entire life, is keeping her smile when the man turns to her. Even over that time she had to choose between the cheer carebear or bedtime carebear when she was sixteen. His face is grody and Jinsoul gets the heebie jeebies from his stare. “I don't know what his problem is...I feel so attacked.” Jinsoul flutters her eyelashes innocently and she can tell it’s very effective with the way the store owner loses focus for just a moment. 

“Get real, you’ve been insulting me this entire time! You’re a major bitch!”

Gasping, Jinsoul pretends as if it’s the most unbelievable thing she’s ever heard. “That’s a bunch of bologna! Hello? Sir are you just gonna let your employee talk to me like that?” Turning back to the store owner she knows she’s won since he’s glaring at her now arch-nemesis. The employee slowly curls into himself and Jinsoul starts to feel a little bad but she remembers how he snickered when she said she couldn’t fit into a skirt he gave her. She couldn’t help that it wouldn’t go over her ass...

“I...Ji-hoon go back and do inventory, I’ll have a word with you later.” The employee grumbles and starts to walk away, Jinsoul sticks her tongue out at him and flips him the bird, but quickly switches back to her innocent acting when the store owner turns around. “I am so sorry about that, how can I help you beautiful?”

Jinsoul grimaces but plays it off like she’s undecided by the dresses she’s now holding. “I just can’t pick between these dresses I mean, this one is Calvin Klein but this one is def super cute.”

“If you’d like to try them on I could give my very...professional and expert opinion.” The man flirts with a sinister grin, Jinsoul hates how his teeth look like little tic-tacs...not the white ones either. If she can do this right, she may walk out with a brand new dress.  _ Do it for the dress, do it for the dress, do it for the dress come on Jinsoul you’ve done worse for some shoes.  _

Jinsoul reaches forward to fix the man’s tie and the collar of his shirt, “I’d love that...since your opinion matters and all.” She says with sarcasm but the man doesn’t notice at all since he’s so charmed by Jinsoul’s smile. 

Strutting her way into the dressing room, she waves at the man innocently before closing the door.  _ Hehehe sucker.  _ Once the door is closed her smile drops and she rolls her eyes, “gross.” Jinsoul suspects he’s an idiot, so he’ll be easy to trick. Taking some of her clothes off she slips on the Calvin Klein...it fits her perfectly, framing her waist and hips unlike any dress has before. 

Giggling to herself, without taking the dress off she starts to shimmy her other clothes back on. Thankfully she wore baggier clothes today, so she can carefully hide the dress underneath all the layers. Wrapping her windbreaker back around her she hears a knock at the door, “everything okay in there sweetie?”

Jinsoul actually gags this time before replying, “yup! Just trying on the pink one now!” Burning more time Jinsoul makes sure the dress is completely hidden underneath her clothes. Reemerging from the dressing room she hands the man the pink dress, “eh not for me.” 

He stares at her for a second, then at the dress, then back at her and then into the dressing room. Jinsoul breaks out into a nervous sweat...he might be onto her. “Erm, ma’am where’s the white dress?”

“What white dress?”

“The one that you said was to die for?”

“I literally have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

Jinsoul is a bit rusty at lying, she hasn’t had any practice in a long time. With Sooyoung she’s completely honest with her. And now that she isn’t denying that she’s enamored with Sooyoung, she’s been honest with herself as well. Jinsoul’s charm slowly wears off and the man becomes annoyed, “listen honey, you had a little white dress in your hands when you went in and then you came out with no dress. So either-”

“Ooohhh that white dress!” Jinsoul plays it off like she actually was the ditz the former employee she was dealing with claimed she was. “I left it in there! It didn’t fit so it’s kind of traumatizing for me to look at it.” 

Jinsoul flutters her eyelashes as the man stares blankly at her. “So that dress is in there? My very expensive dress, that you’ve yet to pay for.” 

“Please...it’s a very sensitive topic for me sir, it’s a tragedy truly.” And while it wasn’t, Jinsoul had a rule about clothes she couldn’t fit in, especially if they were all she’s ever dreamed of wearing. She simply never spoke of them again. 

The man rolls his eyes and peaks into the dressing room, “I don’t see it, are you messing with me?” 

“No no, just- I think I threw it in the corner,” The man stumbles further in, “yeah right there! Don’t you see it!” Jinsoul muffles the giggle that comes out of her mouth by covering it with her hand. The man even bends over to stare into the completely empty corner she was pointing at. “They really don’t make dumbasses like you anymore huh?” 

“Wha-OH!”

Jinsoul quickly kicks the man in the nu-nads and shuts the fitting room door on him. She only got the pleasure of seeing him faceplant into the wall as he doubled over. Jinsoul bounces over to a table and tries to push it over to block the door...but it’s a bit too heavy and she doesn’t want to break one of her nails. 

Thankfully, her savior comes in the form of a previous enemy. The employee she was arguing with earlier stands in front of her, looking towards the fitting room where his boss was switching back and forth from cursing Jinsoul out and groaning in pain. Jinsoul narrows her eyes and makes sure to get her point across, “listen you little twerp, if you speak about this to anyone I will find out where you live and make your life a living hell.” The employee slowly glances his way towards her so Jinsoul punctuates her final words, “trust in that.” 

To Jinsoul’s shock the employee starts to help her with the table. Pushing it in front of the fitting room so his boss can’t get out. “Girl, I hate him too.” After trapping the man in the fitting room Jinsoul stands up and checks around for anything else to steal, “sorry for calling you a bimbo.”

Jinsoul shrugs as she shoves a few skirts into her purse, making sure they’re her size first. “It’s fine I get it all the time,” She shuffles over to the shoes, “don’t get it twisted though.” Jinsoul understands why people think ill of her, she’s materialistic and a bit of a diva. She can’t help that she has good taste and a bad attitude. People can’t stand the fact that she’s hot and super hip at the same time. 

Suddenly a pair of shoes are displayed in front of her, “these would go well with the Calvin Klien.” Jinsoul gasps, they’re perfect. Maybe this guy wasn’t as stupid as she thought. 

Grabbing the heels, too excited to check the size, she studies the employee for a few seconds. He’s a bit twinkish, Xiaojun’s type so she has to ask, “are you a little you know?” Flipping her wrist around the guy stares at her confused...she guesses he doesn’t swing that way. 

“Um...what?”

Jinsoul goes to explain but the sudden banging from the fitting room makes them jump apart, lowering her voice she warns the employee, “I’d go to the back and pretend you were never up here…thank you, you know for the shoes.” They part ways and Jinsoul darts out of the store.

She had someone to visit.

~~~~

“Ms. Ha, you’re early today.” Sooyoung is in the middle of taking off her overcoat when she hears the familiar voice. Glancing up she smiles at Lee Sooman, it’s a smile he never receives from her. Sitting down in her seat she prepares a few notes for the meeting that starts soon. She’s the only one representing from the creative department so she has a lot to cover on her own.

Usually meetings like this annoy Sooyoung, they’re pretty boring and being surrounded by a bunch of cocky men in suits isn’t her favorite scenario. Although Sooyoung does enjoy outsmarting them most of the time, she’d rather be alone in her office, drawing or working on the game. 

However, the game is in its last phase, maybe another month or so and it'll be ready to be sorted through for errors and hitting the market. Sooyoung’s only slightly nervous, the first game she worked on was a hit, but she was a part of the team, not the lead of it. This time, any mistakes will be on her.

But she’s confident. 

She always has been.

“Well last night was the first time I slept for more than two hours in a while so yeah, I guess I can say I’m refreshed.” There’s another reason she’s feeling on cloud nine right now, but she doesn’t need the distraction. Although it’s so tempting to just let her mind drift to a certain blonde with the prettiest brown-

“That’s good to hear, I think you’ll be really refreshed for the news I have for you.”

Sooyoung struggles to avoid rolling her eyes, his good news was most of the time a nightmare to her. “Oh?”

Mr. Lee smiles at her and nods once, “that promotion you were asking for, I’m getting it done for you, you’re raise should start next week.” Sooyoung’s fake smile drops, she was half kidding when she asked for that months ago, when Mr. Lee asked if she was enjoying all the work she replied “ _ only if I got paid a bit more _ ”. He knows she’s notorious for being hard to work with, but he knows her skill is like no other.

Sooyoung doesn’t have a soft spot for Mr. Lee, but he’s the only man in this industry that hasn’t underestimated her only because she’s a woman. To be honest, Sooyoung thinks he’s a bit of a fan of her work, but he’s never gone out of line. She respects him, as he does her. “Really? You’re not pulling my leg here are you?”

The man chuckles as more men pile into the room, “no no, I wish I was, it was a bit tedious convincing the higher ups to pay you more. Especially since they don’t believe in you.” Sooyoung blushes red, she doesn’t like to get angry. She finds it more beneficial to keep her cool. Usually when women are hot headed, men seem to take them less seriously, blame them unfit for a job because of their emotions. Sooyoung thinks of Jinsoul. 

She wonders how hard the fight is for her.

“And I have more good news, you’ve been selected to represent at Los Angeles, they’re holding a convention there for developers, even Nintendo is going to be present. We’re hoping to get an idea how we’re going to come back from the market crash that happened in 83’.” Sooyoung remembers the crash in North America, too many games, not enough people buying them. But she doesn’t blame them, most were bad quality. 

“America?” Sooyoung says, with a bit of nervousness in her tone. It’s not like she’s never wanted to travel, but that’s a long way away. A long way away from Jinsoul. “For how long?” 

Mr. Lee shrugs, “it’s still some time from then but you’ll only be gone for a few weeks. Is there something wrong?” A few weeks shouldn’t be bad. Maybe it’ll even give time to Sooyoung to figure this all out and she can come back to Jinsoul as a better version of herself. The version she knows Jinsoul deserves. 

“No, that’s great news, I-I’m just a bit surprised is all.” 

Mr. Sooman smiles at her once more and reaches forward to clasp a hand on her shoulder. “Good, use the adrenaline for the meeting, we’ll talk more after.” Sooyoung can’t help but to chew the inside of her cheek, nervousness and excitement building all at once inside her chest. For once in her life.

She feels like she’s going on the right path.

~~~~

“Hi, I’m here to see Ha Sooyoung.” 

The receptionist stares at Jinsoul while filing her nails, “she’s in a meeting.” Jinsoul daydreams for a second, about Sooyoung looking chic in some tan suit, her hair bouncing as she explains something probably really boring and lame but it wouldn’t matter because she’s so dreamy. Her face blank as she tells someone off for interrupting her, Jinsoul blushes at the thought. 

Jinsoul sighs, “oh I’m a good friend of hers I’ll just wait for her in her office.”

“That isn’t authorized.” 

Starting to feel heat prick at the back of her neck, Jinsoul grumbles to herself, “okay, fine be like that.” Rummaging through her purse she pulls out her wallet, it pains her to see it empty again but her heart beats a little faster when she flips out the picture of her and Sooyoung. Jinsoul stares at it for a moment, Sooyoung’s smile was so pretty and she was dying to see it again. “See look, we’re besties.” 

The receptionist raises a single brow and grimaces, “okay? And?” 

It was like the universe was out to get her today, either that or it was trying to piss her off in every conceivable way. Jinsoul’s determined to get what she wants, she always gets what she wants. And right now she needed to see Sooyoung. “I’m going whether you authorize it or not.”

The small girl behind the desk doesn’t blink as Jinsoul points in her face, “I’ll call security.” 

“Oh okay, you’re a loser who doesn’t want people to have fun.” 

Jinsoul watches as the girl slowly raises the phone to her ear, “Hi, can you send someone to the front lobby? We have a situation that requires an escort out.” 

“This won’t change the fact that you’re a loser, so kiss my ass.” Jinsoul rolls her eyes and begins to strut off, ignoring the receptionist calling after her. She passes the security guard on the way to the elevator and smiles at him, he doesn’t have a clue as he nods back at her. 

Hopping onto the elevator with a bunch of men in suits, she clicks on Sooyoung’s floor. She can sense all of them looking at her and she used to love having this kind of power, now however, all she can think about is how she wishes it was only Sooyoung’s eyes on her. Soon, the stares become too much, “I know most of you have never seen a woman this up close and personal, especially this gorgeous but please stop staring at me, it's freaking weird.” 

In an instant they all stop looking, clearing their throats and either staring up at the ceiling or down at the floor. Jinsoul smirks and focuses on the little dings the elevator makes. Soon enough she’s skipping across some office. The guys here are dressed a lot less professional, some wore baggy jeans and others have their shirt inside out. The one thing that’s consistent is that they all look like they haven’t slept in three days.

Jinsoul makes her way to Sooyoung’s office, which is all the way in the back in the corner. Once she makes it in she shuts the door and closes the blinds. She finally had her peace and quiet. Pulling off her colorful windbreaker, she tosses it onto Sooyoung’s chair before flopping into it. Rolling around Sooyoung's office, Jinsoul tries to entertain herself, but eventually she’s bored to death. 

“Well I guess there’s nothing to do....” Jinsoul says to herself as she starts to snoop through Sooyoung’s things, “let me be nosey.” Sooyoung’s a mystery, Jinsoul just doesn’t understand how someone could be so organized yet messy at the same time. Her desk drawer is filled with color pencils and old files. On the surface there’s a clutter of papers; contracts, notes, gibberish ect. 

Jinsoul tries to break into Sooyoung’s computer, but she can’t figure out the password. She tried numerous variations of her name, birthday, but it was probably something stupid and overly complicated. Ransacking the whole office Jinsoul huffs, frustrated that she didn’t find anything juicy. 

Until she finds  _ it _ tucked away under Sooyoung’s computer, hidden in plain sight. It was a small brown book with a leather cover, Sooyoung’s name carved into the spine of it. Flipping it open Jinsoul’s eyes widen a bit, it’s Sooyoung’s personal sketchbook. Of course, Jinsoul already looked through the other’s but they mostly had concept sketches for video games and doodles of cats and cups of steaming hot coffee. 

This one however had little notes at the bottom and most sketches were of people. Jinsoul reads the first few,  _ this woman at the bar( lazy eye, suited her personality.) Strange cat by the dumpster, no teeth. A happy couple too happy maybe, it’s a little scary.  _ Jinsoul smiles to herself as she skims through Sooyoung’s sketches. She can just imagine how cute Sooyoung looks while drawing, her tongue poking out as she writes down the descriptions. 

Before she moves on she brings the little book to her chest and squeals, Jinsoul hates how bad she has it for Sooyoung but she can’t help it. Flipping through the pages absentmindedly, she suddenly stops at a certain sketch. It...looks like her, but the eyes are missing. Or really they’ve been drawn over and over again, just to be erased. Jinsoul glances down at the description. The date was months ago.

_ Girl probably around my age, drunk off her ass. Mean as fuck but she was pretty, that smart mouth she had only made her prettier to me. Followed me home until I told her off. She had this look on her face when I did, it made my heart hurt.  _

Jinsoul gently sets the book on the desk and leans forward. Her smirk is long gone, she feels a bit weird looking at this. It was one of Sooyoung’s many secrets. She turns to the next page and it’s a side portrait of her, grimacing, but her eyes still missing. Sooyoung has also doodled a rough sketch of the arcade they alway play at and Jinsoul’s impressed with the attention to detail. Anxious, she looks down at the little note Sooyoung wrote at the bottom.

_ Jung Jinsoul...there isn’t a word I can use to describe her. She’s just, she’s a lot. I think I like it. We have this rivalry, she’s that player that I always one-up on q*bert, except she’s taken it seriously. Everytime we see each other she’s at my throat. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t go out of my way to run into her.  _

Rolling her eyes, Jinsoul leans back into the chair. She knew Sooyoung had to like her a little bit since they saw each other so often. That was before she really knew just how big of a dork the older girl really was. She turns a few pages, some are strangers or just random doodles. There’s a few more sketches of her but with no notes. Until there’s a page that’s blank, only a few scrawny hearts plastered around the border and her name scribbled out continuously.

_ It’s becoming a bad habit, going to her. I still can’t get her eyes right, nothing I create compares to the real thing, they’re too beautiful. I guess my memory will have to do for now, it isn’t like I have a hard time thinking about her.  _

Jinsoul scoffs at how lame Sooyoung is. The girl would probably be embarrassed if she knew Jinsoul was reading this. She can just imagine how pouty Sooyoung would get. Skimming the rest of the pages, slowly, the random doodles get rarer, but her face appears more often. Her heart stops with one page. Where it’s a full portrait of her, nothing erased or scribbled out this time. 

_ I am an idiot. There’s something about this girl I can’t get enough of, I know it’s gonna take a lifetime for me to get over her. I haven’t daydreamed in forever, but all I do is think of her. Everytime she looks at me I get locked in place, unable to do anything but look back. I’m in love with the way she smiles. I am...such. an. idiot. We kissed at some festival. Her lips tasted like candy.  _

Jinsoul stares at her reflection of charcoal and paper. She doesn’t know how long she sits there, rereading the words over and over again. 

_ These feelings of mine are impossible to ignore now. I know I’m bad for her, but she’s so good for me. I want to hold her, just for a little while. If she’d let me, if I had the guts to ask. _

The door to the office slams open and Jinsoul quickly shoves the book back where she found it. She’s aware of the blush on her face, but thankfully the one person that caused it hasn’t noticed. Sooyoung slams the door back shut, turning to rest her forehead against the wood. Jinsoul listens to Sooyoung mumble to herself cursing out words the blonde has never heard of. Maybe it wasn’t the best day to sneak into her office.

Sooyoung is dressed a bit fancier today. A long overcoat swallows her tiny body and the only other thing Jinsoul can see is the thin black stockings. Sooyoung finally turns around and although the angry expression on her face isn’t meant for Jinsoul, the girl still gets chill bumps. She remembers how scary Sooyoung could be when she was mad. Jinsoul also remembers how much she loved to piss her off, just for fun, just so she could see her nostrils flare along with her eyebrows knotting over. 

However, Sooyoung’s expression softens once they lock eyes. Jinsoul blushes, remembering what the little note said. She doesn’t miss the way Sooyoung’s lips upturn in a slight smirk. “And just who might you be?” 

Jinsoul shrugs as Sooyoung slowly makes her way over, whatever had her mad was long forgotten. Under the long coat, Sooyoung had a burgundy blazer on, tailored to have sharp angles. “They didn’t tell you? I’m your new personal assistant.” 

Sooyoung struggles to keep a smile from breaking loose, her tongue poking out from her teeth. “Oh yeah? Well you’re sitting in that chair like you own the place.” Jinsoul goes to say something petty back, but all the words catch in her throat when Sooyoung hands rubs across the back of her head. It’s almost suffocating when Sooyoung leans down, a breath apart from her. Jinsoul even subconsciously tilts her head preparing herself for a kiss she knows that’ll make her dizzy.

Nails scrap across her scalp and Jinsoul’s never cared less about her hair getting messed up. Especially since it feels  _ that  _ good. “I know something personal that you could do for me.” Her whole face heats up at the words and Sooyoung’s eyes leave hers to glance down at her lips. They part and Jinsoul inches forward as Sooyoung does the same, her eyelids getting heavier the closer she gets. 

When she almost gets what she’s wanted all day, Sooyoung tilts away the slightest bit, smirking as Jinsoul accidentally lets out a small whine. Jinsoul hates the teasing but the quickly building tension makes it worth it. Sooyoung’s fingers have traveled from the nape of her neck to the tip of her chin, tilting it up for a better angle. 

Jinsoul finally feels the press of Sooyoung’s bottom lip against hers, she’s so close to heaven...and yet so far away. Because as soon as she gets that feeling she’s longed for, Sooyoung’s pulling away. Jinsoul with her eyes closed pouts up, opening them to see that Sooyoung’s turned away from her, typing her password into her old clunky and a bit too big computer. 

As if to make Jinsoul more annoyed, Sooyoung pretends that the room doesn’t feel one hundred degrees hotter, nor the fact that their hearts are pumping the hardest they ever have. Jinsoul rolls her eyes when she sees what Sooyoung’s password is. 

_ Iamsosexy101 _

“Really Sooyoung?” 

The girl turns to her again, acting completely innocent with her bottom lip jutting out. “What?” Jinsoul raises a brow, eyes narrowed with frustration from more than one way. Sooyoung then looks back at her computer, seeing that Jinsoul noticed her password. The biggest shit eating grin appears on Sooyoung’s lips, “oh that? Baby you know it’s true.” 

Not knowing whether to be attracted to Sooyoung’s arrogance, or to be annoyed she huffs up, crossing her arms and sinks into the chair. Jinsoul knows the answer when Sooyoung winks at her and then goes back to pretending she doesn’t exist. Jinsoul would be lying to herself and the whole world if she said Sooyoung’s nonchalant attitude didn’t turn her on.

Most of her life she’s had people drooling over her and falling down at their knees at a single glance. And all though Jinsoul loves the attention and even craves it, there’s something about the way Sooyoung pretends that she isn’t obsessed with her even though she secretly has it just as bad as she does. That little act Sooyoung likes to play...Jinsoul can’t stand it in the best way. 

She knows Sooyoung likes it too, “you’re not funny, just letting you know.” Sooyoung doesn’t pay her any mind, shuffling around on her desk, pulling out her glasses from the clutter and pushing them onto her face half-hazardly. “You’re not cute either.” 

Sooyoung finally acknowledges her, but doesn’t give her the complete satisfaction, since her eyes are still glued onto the computer. “Is that right? Then what am I if I’m not cute or funny.” Jinsoul lets her eyes roll down Sooyoung’s figure, the coat hiding most of it. She could mess around with Sooyoung with the way the girl’s leaning over her. So she decides to do just that.

“A major pain in the ass.” Jinsoul toys with the edge of the coat, before letting her fingers slip underneath it.

Sooyoung hums and sniffs a bit, unaware of the wandering hand that’s yet to touch her. “Sorry barbie. Forgot you were so delicate.” Jinsoul finally makes contact with the fabric of Sooyoung’s stockings and she smiles with victory when she hears the frantic typing stop for just a second, before starting again a bit slower. 

“I don’t remember saying I didn’t like it.” The typing stops once again, but it doesn’t start back. Jinsoul lets her palm run up and down the back of Sooyoung’s thigh lazily, every now and then gripping it just to feel her tense up. “Maybe I just want it to hurt somewhere else.” 

Sooyoung blinks at her as her glasses slowly shift down her nose. Jinsoul thinks it’s downright adorable. How Sooyoung can just flirt like it’s nothing but as soon as she does it she’s a mess. Suddenly the girl springs straight up the blush deepening, “I um, I need to work.” Biting her lip Jinsoul stands up too but doesn’t give Sooyoung any personal space as she does so. 

“Don’t let me distract you.” Jinsoul says and lets her fingers mess around with the buttons of Sooyoung’s dress shirt underneath the blazer. The skin there is hot and Jinsoul has no doubt that she’s the cause of it. 

Sooyoung only lets out a nervous laugh before Jinsoul is shifting out of the way. Jinsoul leans onto the desk as Sooyoung shifts her coat off clumsily, nervous from the pair of eyes on her. The older girl flops into her seat a bit dramatic and pretends to go back to work. However Jinsoul notices that she’s typing in complete gibberish compared to the actual work from before. Sooyoung’s not even looking at the screen, absentmindedly fiddingly with the buttons on her keyboard. 

Jinsoul snorts as the display and suddenly remembers the reason why she was here in the first place. She wanted to show Sooyoung her new outfit. “Babe, do you like my new shoes.” Jinsoul picks up the heels she stole and showcases them to the worker who is struggling to ignore her. 

“Hmm? Yeah sure.” 

The response isn’t good enough for Jinsoul, “Sooyoung pay attention to me.” Rolling her eyes when Sooyoung doesn’t move an inch, she scoots a little closer to the girl. “You wanna know a secret?” She can see Sooyoung’s gaze shifting her way still it isn’t enough and Jinsoul knows exactly what to do, “I stole these.” 

Sooyoung freezes and quickly looks up, “you did what?” The serious tone of Sooyoung’s voice makes Jinsoul pout, even though this is exactly what she wanted. 

“I stole these shoes.” Jinsoul waves around the pair of heels in front of Sooyoung’s face. Deepening her voice a bit she points at her outfit. “I also stole what’s underneath all this.” Sooyoung’s eyes widen and her jaw drops, in Jinsoul’s head, an evil laugh echoes. “You wanna see?” 

Sooyoung’s mouth opens and closes like a fish outta water, “I-I you’re um what?” Jinsoul watches the blush slowly take over Sooyoung’s features before reaching down to unbutton her pants. 

Shaky hands dart out to stop her, clinging onto her wrists. Jinsoul bites back a smile, “oh you wanna do it for me?”

Sooyoung stares into her eyes, her gaze flickering back and forth. The girl below her looks like she’s just been offered a million dollars while at the same time, in agonizing pain. “I really need to get this work done Jinsoul.” Sooyoung pleads with her, but Jinsoul thinks she’s more important than work. Just for the moment. 

Tilting her head, Jinsoul uses Sooyoung’s one weakness. “And I really need you.” When Sooyoung’s expression remains blank, Jinsoul makes sure to use her signature pout and it’s only icing on the cake at this point. Sooyoung’s resolve slowly fades away as her and Jinsoul really wonders if this is that same girl that everyone called a womanizer. The same girl who melts at her words is the same that was breaking hearts left and right.

Sooyoung sighs airly and leans back, “show me before I change my mind.” 

Jinsoul doesn’t take the warning seriously as she shimmies down her baggy jeans, revealing the silk of the white dress. Sooyoung raises her brows and Jinsoul scoffs, “what? Was expecting something else?” Sooyoung doesn’t respond, only giving Jinsoul a heavy stare that’s almost threatening. Pulling off her shirt next she allows Sooyoung the full display, “well do you like it?”

Shifting around the dress to fit her more properly, Jinsoul gets a bit nervous under that gaze of Sooyoung’s. It’s like she’s being eaten alive from a single glance. 

The chair creaks when Sooyoung leans forward, the girl’s hands ghosting around Jinsoul’s hips hesitantly. As if Jinsoul’s body was some treasure that was either booby trapped or too perfect to touch. Jinsoul tells her it’s the latter, although if Sooyoung was to grab her in some way at the moment she would argue even if it’s all that she wants. 

“Heaven must be missing an angel if you’re here.”

“Oh my god you are so corny!”

Sooyoung gasps a bit offended that her charm didn’t work, “what! I’m telling the truth.“ Sooyoung grumbles and stands up to face Jinsoul. 

Jinsoul knows if these kinds of things were real, there would be tiny lightening sparks between their eyes. “I want you to tell me how you feel not butter me up with some cheesy pick up line.” 

It must be a habit of Sooyoung’s. To use empty words to get girls to go crazy over her. It’s her false charm, the one that’s so difficult to deny and easy to fall into. Jinsoul never did though, she never fell for the flirty words or longing glances. It was the girl in front of her, now blushing and refusing to meet her eyes. 

Sooyoung may be confident and all cocky when she’s playing a role, being the smooth talker she claims to be. But Jinsoul’s got her all figured out. She wants more of the dork who writes love notes in a journal. 

“I’ve never felt this way before, so I don’t know how to...I-”

“Shush.” Jinsoul presses her finger to Sooyoung’s rambling lips, “do I look nice?”

“Good enough to eat.”

Rolling her eyes, Jinsoul asks again, “Do you like me in this dress Sooyoung?”

Sooyoung blinks at her, not for sure what game she’s playing at. Instead of answering this time she glances down at the floor, “and you stole these too?” 

Jinsoul’s a bit disappointed from the switch up, since she was expecting to tug Sooyoung’s heart out a little more from it’s heavily guarded fortress. “Yup.” Sooyoung nods and picks them up, inspecting them carefully, “cute right?”

Sooyoung shrugs, “they’re okay” 

“Like you would know anything about fashion.” Jinsoul lies, because it’s the one reason she was so into Sooyoung in the first place. 

“Uh huh yeah keep talking I’m sure it’ll get you somewhere.” Sooyoung then pats the desk for Jinsoul to sit down and when the blonde refuses to move she finds herself being hoisted onto it anyways. “All you do is use that mouth.” 

Jinsoul crosses her arms, “well you weren't complaining about it when I- OW!” Sooyoung pinches the inside of her thigh and it only irritates her even more, “freaking asshole.” 

Sooyoung giggles as she kneels down, making Jinsoul blush. The blonde knocks her knees together since Sooyoung’s in such a promising position and the blush deepens once she realizes what the girl is really doing. Her heart flutters as Sooyoung lifts one of the heels to size it to her foot. But before Sooyoung tries to slip it on, soft lips press against Jinsoul’s knee and further down her leg. 

Jinsoul’s never got so light headed over something so trivial, but the way Sooyoung glances up at her with those hooded eyes makes her dizzy. “I wish I had the words Jung Jinsoul, to tell you how beautiful you look in that dress, but I’m afraid I don’t.” Sooyoung’s touch inches across her ankle and up the back of her leg, “I wish I had the words to tell you, but there isn’t anything that I can say that comes close to explaining the feeling I get when I’m around you.” Jinsoul could pass out. Use too, the poetics would have just annoyed her, but now all they do is make her weak.

She’s never liked being so weak until now. 

“And you’re my princess and I want to treat you like so.” 

Sooyoung plants one more kiss on the inside of her thigh and Jinsoul...like she always does, uses her mouth without really thinking about it. “You need to stop Ha Sooyoung.” The girl looks up at her with that same, dreamy smile as always and it just edges Jinsoul’s heart closer, “you’re making it too easy to-“  _ fall for you. _

“Uh oh.”

Jinsoul is interrupted and she thanks the universe for the timing. She knows exactly what she almost said and she’s not too sure if Sooyoung was ready to hear such a thing.  _ Oh Jinsoul you can’t flub it up now! _ She knew Sooyoung was all weird and stuff about love and feelings even if deep down inside she felt the same, Jinsoul can tell Sooyoung doesn’t like to open up. 

However, Jinsoul’s very open with her feelings. Although she’s never felt this way before. Her emotions always bulldoze their way through any coherent thought. Just like now...when she realizes what Sooyoung had interrupted her for. 

“Come on Sooyoung cut it out and just shove it on or whatever.” The shoe wasn’t fitting, no matter how Sooyoung tried. The heels she stole were too small.

“I can’t, you’re fat ass foot won’t fit.”

“Whatever, gimmie that.” Jinsoul grabs the heels out of Sooyoung’s hands, “as if, my foot isn’t fat Sooyoung. See? They fit.” They both look down at Jinsoul’s foot...where the heel barely hangs on. If Jinsoul were to walk right she’d surely take a dive face first into the floor. 

Sooyoung glances up at her and sarcastically says, “sure, like a glove baby.” Jinsoul’s lip starts to tremble, “oh no.” 

Just as Sooyoung was about to comfort Jinsoul the door to the office swings open, “hey boss I have...um oh!” Sooyoung darts up, since the display probably didn’t look the best. Jinsoul is on the desk whining and crying with Sooyoung on her knees…in front of Jinsoul. 

“Haechan, uh I was just tying her shoe.” 

He looked at Sooyoung skeptically before glancing down at Jinsoul’s feet, where the heel that was on had slipped off since well, her feet were too fat. The blonde usually resistant to any shame, has completely succumbed to it hiding her face in her hands.“Boss, she doesn’t have any shoes on.” 

Sooyoung is just as red as Jinsoul is now and not only from seemingly being caught. “That’s because I took them off of her just before you walked in and- what the hell do you want?” 

“I was going to tell you the travel plan for the-”

“Great! Thanks you can go now!”

“But boss I haven’t told you yet.”

Sooyoung glances at Jinsoul who thankfully isn’t looking before making a cut-throat gesture towards Haechan and mouthing  _ shut the fuck up _ to him. He gets the message clearly and scurries out of the office, before scrambling back to shut the office door when Sooyoung screams at him to do so.

Jinsoul hears Sooyoung take a deep breath and she doesn’t want to take her hands away from her face. She’s incredibly embarrassed and has lost all her dignity. How did she get the wrong size and now she was gonna look dumb as hell in her sneakers with this dress. 

“Are you crying?” 

“No.” Yes, she was bawling her eyes out in silence. 

“It’s just some shoes Jinsoul, shoes that you stole by the way.” 

Jinsoul finally shows the tears rolling down her cheeks and Sooyoung tries her best not to laugh. It only makes things worse, “of course you don’t get it! You’re just a freaking dweeb!” Sooyoung eventually breaks out into a laugh, finding Jinsoul’s tantrum amusing. The older girl pats on her head like she’s a puppy that’s been scolded instead of a girl that’s sobbing over some kitten heels. Jinsoul makes a pitiful noise that Sooyoung giggles and she can’t stand it anymore, “really you’re gonna make fun of me!”

“I’m afraid if I get any closer that you’ll bite my head off.”

Roughly rubbing underneath her eyes she grumbles, “jeez you are such a jerk sometimes.” 

Sooyoung seems to soften up at that and pulls Jinsoul to stand. Instantly the turmoil that Jinsoul’s soul is going through disappears as she feels the warmth of Sooyoung’s body against hers. Lithe arms wrap around her and lips press at her temple, the tension in her jaw slackens in the slightest since she was still grinding her teeth from the frustration. “Tell me what to do to make it better.” The low velvet of Sooyoung’s voice finally calms her, but she’s still devastated. 

“How about...a trip to the mall?” 

“No, I don’t want to look at another pair of heels ever again in my life.”

Sooyoung snorts but continues anyway, “go eat our way through the noodles at planet food?” The older girl’s tone is so chipper and Jinsoul can’t help but smile. It’s the start of one, but no one is able to make her smile like this other than Sooyoung.

“Ew...that’s probably why my feet are fat.” 

The girl pulls away from her, cheeks puffed up from the grin she’s wearing. Jinsoul’s heart starts to heal from the trauma that the shoes brought. “Okay okay, what about,” Sooyoung pretends to think, cutely rolling her eyes around her office as if she’s in deep thought, “ooh I know, but you gotta close your eyes for it. This is my best offer yet.” 

Jinsoul blinks and a few stray tears still fall but she closes her eyes anyway. For a few seconds nothing happens. She can just feel Sooyoung pulling her closer, squeezing onto her tightly. Jinsoul remembers Sooyoung’s words in the journal.

_ I want to hold her, just for a little while.  _

She wonders how long Sooyoung’s waited for this and if she’s happy that she’s finally got it. If the dazzling smile Jinsoul receives on the daily is anything to go by. She thinks that it may be true. And Jinsoul would like it to remain true forever.

Jinsoul wants to continue being the one of the reasons Sooyoung smiles so much.

When Jinsoul is about to open her eyes again, wanting to know just what Sooyoung was up to, plump, impossibly soft lips press against hers in a slow yet firm kiss. Jinsoul hums when Sooyoung’s lip moves just in the slightest, deepening it for a second before pulling away, creating a subtle noise from the parting. 

Fluttering her eyes open, Jinsoul stares into Sooyoung’s, which are darker than black, yet they make the blonde melt with warmth. If Sooyoung’s smile was dreamy, her eyes must be a fantasy. “How was that?”

Jinsoul lowers her gaze down Sooyoung’s features and onto her lips, “I-I think you have to do it again.”

“Yeah? Was that not good enough?”

Blushing, she shakes her head, her hands finding their way around Sooyoung’s neck. She doesn't know whether to pounce onto Sooyoung because she’s so cute, or to just wither away because it’s too much for Jinsoul’s heart. “More like too good to be true. I want you to do it again so I know it’s real.” The flirtatious glint fades in Sooyoung’s eyes and they’re replaced with some kind of gentleness that Jinsoul doesn’t quite understand.

No one’s ever looked at her the way Sooyoung has. 

Not even the guys that said they were in love with her. Jinsoul just thought it was because she was a bad girlfriend. But really, it’s more than that. Sooyoung bends down again, tilting her head before locking their lips in a softer, sensual kiss that leaves Jinsoul more confused than before. Jinsoul has so many questions about this love she has, if it’s even love or if that’s just a single silly word among thousands to describe an unexplainable feeling.

Sooyoung pulls away, her tongue swiping across Jinsoul’s bottom lip in a teasing manner. The blonde can’t help but to plead, “again.” Something consumes Jinsoul in that moment, when Sooyoung whines into her mouth when she pulls at the baby hairs on the back of the girl’s neck before running her hands through silky hair. She doesn’t know if it's Sooyoung’s desperation as the kiss gets deeper and more eager. Or if it’s the taste of her lips against Jinsoul’s tongue. Maybe it’s just the way Sooyoung clings to her as loses herself in the rhythm of it. 

All Jinsoul knows, as Sooyoung kisses her with this devotion to make her forget about those stupid freaking shoes.

Is that she doesn’t need the answers when Sooyoung’s the one. 

~~~~

Sooyoung sneaks her out of the office after a few hushed promises and more dizzying kisses. The promises that Jinsoul, by the end of the day, will forget all about the kitten heels that didn’t fit. 

Instead, Jinsoul is wrapped up in Sooyoung’s coat, since she was too embarrassed to be seen in sneakers while wearing this dress. Her other clothes are forgotten in Sooyoung’s office, Jinsoul wonders what the girl will write in her journal about today. 

“Are you taking me on a date?” 

Jinsoul asks as Sooyoung leans onto the elevator wall. With every floor down, Jinsoul’s heart drops with it. “Yes, if that’s what you want.” Sooyoung’s voice is lowered down to a whisper and Jinsoul leans closer just to hear the rasp of it. “I’d do anything for you.”

Glancing over to the other wall, where another woman stands, dressed the same as Sooyoung, Jinsoul pushes her luck. “Would you kiss me again? Right now.” Sooyoung stares at her for a second before blushing deeply, side glancing at the woman who was basically ignoring them.

Jinsoul knows her answer when Sooyoung shushes her and slightly scoots away. Not all of Sooyoung’s promises are true, but Jinsoul knows it’s more than enough with the way Sooyoung keeps looking at just to see if she was serious. 

Sooyoung thinks about it, the risk and all. It makes it worth it to Jinsoul.

Jinsoul’s never shared herself with anyone like this before, she’s never allowed herself to be so vulnerable. And she knows Sooyoung never shared herself with anyone like this either. Jinsoul’s still learning these weaknesses. How Sooyoung is more aware of her surroundings when Jinsoul’s love is the tunnel vision.

Being with Sooyoung, Jinsoul knows there will be the blind spots. The things she doesn’t understand since she’s never felt this way before. Things she didn’t even know existed until Sooyoung appeared, like a stray bullet. 

But Jinsoul said will learn them.

She’ll learn to find the blind spots. 

~~~~

And there you have it...worst chapter yet. Anyways hope you all enjoy Bc I did not. Next update whenever I haven’t even started on the chapter >:) school is actually kicking my ass this semester my lord 

As always lots of love mwah 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  


  
  
  



	26. I’ll be right here

Apparently Jinsoul’s idea of having fun was not the same as Sooyoung’s. The older girl had promised she would take her somewhere to cheer her up, like a date...a date that Jinsoul would imagine being much different from this. One with roses and a candle lit dinner, a limousine with champagne. Footsie under the table maybe...Sooyoung telling her she’s beautiful every minute while giving her that dreamy smile. 

The night would end with a long and heart stopping kiss and Sooyoung would pull out a box with a tiny pink bow, revealing those diamond earrings Jinsoul’s been praying for years- “Say ah.” Jinsoul’s nose is upturned, her lips in a scowl and arms crossed, really trying to sell the hint that she’s annoyed. But the sweet and steaming smell from the fork being held in front of her makes it more difficult to keep this whole ‘ _I hate you’_ act towards Sooyoung going. 

Jinsoul glares at the dangling piece of waffle coated in sugar, trying to telepathically make it disappear so she doesn’t give into Sooyoung’s poor attempt of spoiling her. Jinsoul’s eyes make their way to Sooyoung’s and well she thinks the girl has spent too much time around her, because Sooyoung has never pouted like that before.

Sooyoung’s clearly intimating her...either that or making fun of her so Jinsoul jerks the fork out of her hands, refusing to be fed. Chewing on the sweet treat, Jinsoul keeps her eyebrows knotted trying to pretend it’s not as good as it tastes. Sooyoung then takes her own bite, a bit too big for her mouth and Jinsoul slowly feels her resolve fade away when she sees the older girl’s cheeks puff up from all the food crammed inside. 

It’s cold, so they’re huddled together by the side of the street-cart that Sooyoung just _had_ to stop at. Sooyoung chews slowly and quietly before swallowing with a grunt, “jesus christ I thought I was gonna choke.” 

Jinsoul can’t help but snort, the smile growing on her face in the matter of seconds. Maybe she really can’t stay mad at Sooyoung, not when she looks this cute all the time. “Well if you ate...you know like a normal human being that wouldn’t be a problem.” Sooyoung gives Jinsoul the side eye while preparing another bite for her. The blonde scoots a little closer, so that her shoulder is pressed against Sooyoung’s. 

This time Sooyoung doesn’t have to beg her to eat what’s offered and Jinsoul’s eyes go wide as she chomps down on the fork. Jinsoul hums happily and wraps her hands around Sooyoung’s upper arm, snuggling even closer to her. Maybe there’s no roses or candles, nor the limousine or champagne and the diamond earrings are nowhere to be found. But...she still had one wish come true. 

Sooyoung’s looking at her like she’s made of diamonds herself, “what is it?” Jinsoul asks quietly and Sooyoung freezes up at the question. The girl’s mouth is slightly open and Jinsoul watches as Sooyoung struggles to focus. For a few awkward seconds Sooyoung just stares at her before turning away. Jinsoul’s smile is wide and she presses closer, “babe...am I that pretty?” 

The tips of Sooyoung’s ears go red and she grumbles out, “oh you have no idea Jung Jinsoul.”

“I kind of do, with the way you won’t stop staring at me.” Sooyoung gently pushes her away then, causing Jinsoul to stumble back, laughing loudly as a few people look their way. To Jinsoul however, Sooyoung’s the only one around that matters. Bouncing back up to the now groveling girl Jinsoul teases out, “Now are you gonna stop drooling or what?”

Sooyoung glares at her before ducking her head down and Jinsoul really can’t stand it. Leaning up on her tiptoes she chases after Sooyoung’s lips with her own, Jinsoul craves it constantly, the taste and softness of the girl’s lips. But she’s rejected by the turn of Sooyoung’s cheek and Jinsoul droops with her now shattered confidence. Sooyoung’s breath comes out as a huff, hot against the cool air and it’s clearly a sign of frustration but Jinsoul’s not sure what kind.

“Kiss me.” Jinsoul asks, or really, whines. 

Sooyoung does nothing.

Jinsoul pushes her luck again and tilts her head on the way there, her eyes becoming heavy when she’s getting closer. Her lips don’t press against Sooyoung’s, but instead she smooches the back of the girl’s very cold hand. “Ugh what’s with you!” 

Sooyoung kept her at a distance, now the cold hand was pushing at her chest, “Not here there’s too many people around.”

“So? They’re not watching.” Jinsoul tries her best to get what she wants but Sooyoung simply shakes her head _no_ and well, she gives up. There’s not much she can do when Sooyoung’s glaring at her so intensely, it’s a warning and Jinsoul’s not sure what.

Sooyoung’s still a mystery to her, after all this time, after all the hoops she’s jumped through just to get closer to her. Jinsoul’s still unsure what goes through Sooyoung’s head. She doesn’t know about her past, despite the few instances Sooyoung’s given her hints that she hasn’t had a good one. Jinsoul has no idea and she guesses she won’t know until Sooyoung’s ready to tell her. 

Jinsoul still has a lot to learn about this...whole thing. Sure she’s dated plenty in the past but none have been as clammed up as Sooyoung and too...she wasn’t too interested in getting to know them. Jinsoul doesn’t know how to get close without being so invasive. 

Puffing up she goes to stand beside Sooyoung, a foot away, the last thing she wants to do is make the girl uncomfortable. Jinsoul would hate herself if she ran Sooyoung off by rushing this whole thing.

She doesn’t think her heart could handle that. 

“Why do you get so scared?” 

Her voice is quieter than before and she doesn’t dare to look at Sooyoung, afraid of what she might see. 

“Old habit.” Sooyoung replies, tiredly. “I don’t think you get it, how hard it is being with someone everyone thinks you’re not supposed to be with.” 

Jinsoul starts to realize that Sooyoung doesn’t know much about her either. They’re both so clueless and it’s created a blind spot neither of them knew about, at least until now. It might have been invisible at first but Jinsoul sees it in bold red now, almost mocking her and her naivety. 

She’s miles behind when she thought she was three steps forward. Jinsoul thought this was gonna be easy, but it seems Sooyoung was right when she warned her. It wasn’t going to be easy, not with so much that’s been left misunderstood between them. 

“You’re not the first girl I’ve liked this way Sooyoung, I know it’s not a cake walk.” Jinsoul mumbles out and she can feel those eyes, dark and serious, burning holes into the side of her head. “But the feelings I have for you are stronger than the fear of being caught.” 

Jinsoul then looks at Sooyoung and knows the girl sees the blind spot too, but at least they understand the little problem they have. Jinsoul isn’t scared of this, when Sooyoung’s terrified. “I’ve never been with someone who doesn’t want to keep me as a secret.” The words whispered out tears through Jinsoul’s heart. 

Shaking her head, Jinsoul inches her hand closer to Sooyoung’s and takes a single finger into her palm, squeezing it tightly. “I don’t want you to be my secret Sooyoung.” The girl blinks at her before glancing down at their hands, soon enough Jinsoul feels fingers interlaced with hers. “I want everyone to know how much I adore you.”

“You’re too good to me.” Sooyoung tells her with an honest voice. 

She only smiles, “and you deserve so much more.” 

Jinsoul then tugs the girl closer to her and promises it, “so I’m gonna give it to you.” 

~~~~

“I look like a fucking dork.” Jinsoul refers to the sneakers she’s wearing with her new dress. Sooyoung had her other clothes in her bag, refusing to give them back to the blonde. 

Sooyoung pulls her along by the fingers and Jinsoul would be swoon at the fact that she’s holding heads with her dream girl if she wasn’t stroking out about her mismatched outfit. “Yeah, you do but isn’t that everyday?” 

Jinsoul stops, her sneakers scuffing onto the pavement. “Oh bite me Sooyoung.” The grin drops and Sooyoung goes to pull her hand away from Jinsoul’s. The blonde protests with a groan, clenching onto Sooyoung’s hand tighter. Getting to hold it took Jinsoul forever to convince Sooyoung to agree in the first place. “So you can pick on me and all that but I can’t defend myself?” A smile reappears on Sooyoung’s lips and Jinsoul realizes that she was just being teased all along. “Everybody is being so irky today, some guy called me a bimbo earlier and now you.” 

Sooyoung hums before replying, “I mean...” Jinsoul watches as Sooyoung brow raises suggestively, tired of being mocked, she starts to pull away but she’s tugged right back into her spot. “I was playing jeez can you chill out for a second.” 

Rolling her eyes, Jinsoul decides it isn’t worth her time to play into Sooyoung’s little game. The older girl thrived off riling her up. 

It’s late now and Jinsoul can tell she’s almost home by the familiarity of the empty streets they’re strolling lazily on. And well maybe she doesn’t want to say goodbye just yet. 

Holding onto Sooyoung tighter she wishes she could make time stop so she could make this moment last forever. “Do you wanna come inside?” Sooyoung hums and only stares in the direction of her house which they were not approaching. The lights were still on and Jinsoul could see the shadow of her mom bouncing around in the living room, probably watching some gameshow. 

“Some other time.” Sooyoung swallows audibly, out of the nerves beginning to build, “I don’t do well with um...parents.” 

“They really like you.” 

Sooyoung smiles at that, even if it’s a bit forced, “I’m sure they do...if you take after them any.” Jinsoul rolls her eyes at the remark, how Sooyoung finds the energy to be confident even in moments that she’s feeling anxious. “I think your mom knows you have a crush on me, maybe you need to tone it down with the obsession.” The older girl teases all cocky like and Jinsoul wishes she didn’t find it so attractive.

Pulling on Sooyoung’s hand she brings them to a stop just a bit away from her home. Jinsoul slowly raises her arms and wraps them around Sooyoung’s shoulder’s. Locking her hands around her neck, she presses her body against Sooyoung and whispers to her, that they’re not so much as a secret to everyone. “Sooyoung.” Jinsoul stares up at her and starts to fall in love with the way Sooyoung stares back, “they know we’re sleeping together.” 

Sooyoung’s gentle smile, gazing so lovingly suddenly looks like she’s seen a ghost, “w-what..”

Jinsoul snorts at the girl’s panic, “I mean I know we’ve only slept together once, unless you count each time we-” Sooyoung cuts her off with a glare that was close to dangerous, “what I’m trying to say is that they know we’re not just a couple of besties. Especially my mom since you know, decided to be a prick multiple times and I couldn’t lie about what I was crying over.”

Sooyoung’s fear turns to concern, her lips that were in a straight line morphs into a pitiful frown. “I’m sorry I-”

Jinsoul leans up and presses a quick kiss to Sooyoung’s lips, shutting her up. Slightly pulling away she mumbles onto soft lips, “I know baby.” Sooyoung melts into her and Jinsoul loves the fact she has such an effect on the girl, how the simplest of words and gestures turn Sooyoung into mush in the palms of her hands. “That’s why I made a list of things you need to do to get my full forgiveness.”

Sooyoung quickly regains shape from where she was losing her form in Jinsoul’s intoxicating hold, “do what now.”

The blonde perks up, glad she can finally rant about her bitterness of being dumped multiple times including the night she and Sooyoung got it on numerous times only to be dismissed like some… “My list of things you need to do for my forgiveness.” 

“Like what?” Sooyoung blinks at her, confused. “Whatever you ask I’ll do it.” Jinsoul lips twitch into a sinister smile. 

“It’s not done yet, I’m still working on it.” 

“How long is this thing?”

Jinsoul giggles and raises up to smooch the clueless girl again. “Oh not too long just needs a few finishing touches.” Sooyoung leans into the kiss but narrows her eyes skeptically. No, the list was very lengthy and detailed. Jinsoul holds grudges pretty badly, and she’s also materialistic so she saw this as a golden opportunity.

However...it wasn’t a shopping list, Jinsoul may have one or two items of interest on there, no most of it was stuff she’d never ask for from any other person. It was a bucket list of everything she wanted to do with Sooyoung. 

With things she knew Sooyoung would hate. 

...and love.

“Can you give me a hint? Something that’s on the list.”

Jinsoul hums and thinks...the first one on the list doesn’t even really involve Sooyoung. Jinsoul wants to go shopping with her sisters or at least properly meet all of them. There was another one where Sooyoung had to take her back to the disco for a proper date since the last time she ditched her. Jinsoul knows the perfect one to tell Sooyoung but she knows she won’t be down for.

“You have to kiss me in front of everyone.” Sooyoung grimaces, “only when you’re comfortable.” Jinsoul reassures, she doesn’t want to pressure Sooyoung or anything.

Sooyoung sighs, “and when that takes forever?”

Jinsoul shakes her head, “I don’t think it will.” Then she takes a deep breath, pumping herself up with courage to say what’s on her mind, “when you’re in love with me...you won’t be afraid to kiss me.” Sooyoung’s cheeks tinge pink and her eyes are wide with what Jinsoul assumes is shock, “I mean, if you fall in love with me.”

She instantly regrets it and usually Jinsoul’s the one to talk without really thinking about it but this time she did think about it! Jinsoul _has_ constantly thought about this. Sooyoung clears her throat as her cheeks darken more, “It’s um...very possible if I’m being honest.” _If not already true._ Jinsoul’s heart clenches painfully and she thinks she may pass out. 

Leaning forward, Jinsoul presses her forehead against Sooyoung’s cheek, too embarrassed to look her in the eyes. “Should we bet on it? Who falls first?” 

“We don’t do good with bets.” 

Jinsoul snorts, thinking back at the time they made rules and deals. All for them to fail miserably because she was so into Sooyoung, and she was liked just as much if not more. God sometimes she couldn’t stand it, how much she likes Sooyoung, she still can’t stand it. It’s almost annoying because Jinsoul’s never been this vulnerable with someone. “Yeah...but I feel like this one will be fun.” 

But she likes this feeling. Jinsoul likes the way Sooyoung could ruin her just as quickly as she could fall. “You fall for me first, you gotta kiss me in front of the whole world.” Jinsoul mumbles out and she gambles her heart once again. “If I fall well, I’ll let you decide.”

Sooyoung nods a bit dumbly, “I already know what I want.” Jinsoul wants to ask but she doesn’t want the excitement to fade in the slightest bit, so she only seals it with one last kiss. When Jinsoul breaks the kiss there’s a noise of protest but she knows if she stays she’ll stand out here all night chasing after Sooyoung’s lips. She’s never satisfied and only wants more and more, Jinsoul will never know if she’ll get enough

She stumbles away, Sooyoung’s eyes still closed but a smile on her face. 

“Goodnight loser.” 

Sooyoung opens her eyes before winking...and god Jinsoul thinks she’s already lost. The older girl walks backwards before turning to disappear into the night and Jinsoul’s left with a hole in her chest. Sooyoung was becoming something more than she ever imagined. Jinsoul has no idea what her life would be like now without her...she thinks it would be boring and lonely as it’s always been, but now that she knows what it’s like with Sooyoung she hates the thought of not being with her.

Bouncing up towards her home she pats on her coat, “for real....Jinsoul you ditz.” She totally forgot to give Sooyoung her coat back and to get her own clothes back. She hopes Sooyoung didn’t leave anything valuable.

Digging through the pockets she feels something folded up and something even thicker beside that. Jerking out a piece of paper she quickly flips it over to read.

_Something to get you a pair of shoes for that dress._

Jinsoul gasps and shoves her hand back into the pocket. It’s ten, twenty dollar bills all for her, Jinsoul’s never saw this much money. All that Sooyoung gave her. She doesn’t even remember when…

With the wad of cash still in hand, she doesn’t bother wasting any time picking up the phone and dialing it. It only rings a few times before she hears a sleepy hello.

Jinsoul takes a deep breath and lets it out.

“Yoojung, I think I’m in love.”

~~~~

Doyeon’s apartment is small and a bit empty, Jinsoul doesn’t choose to sit on the kitchen counter but she has to. The only other place to sit is at the folding table that has a single stool that Jinsoul’s not so sure that’s safe. 

She swings her feet up and down, watching Doyeon cook some extravagant dish that she’s never heard of. “Ay, beanstalk.” 

“No.”

Jinsoul pouts up, it’s been like this ever since she got here. When she first barged in Doyeon was finishing some pottery up...only for Jinsoul to start screaming out nonsense, eventually messing her up. Now after an hour and Yoojung still nowhere to be found things have gotten a little awkward. 

Doyeon doesn’t like her that much or that’s what she’s trying to play at, Jinsoul really knows she’s loved dearly by the girl who rarely smiles. However when Jinsoul opens her mouth Doyeon shuts her up just as quickly if not instantaneously. 

“I only wanna talk I’m gonna die of boredom soon.” Jinsoul whines leaning over to nose about the vegetables Doyeon’s chopping up. Her face scrunches up at the site, Jinsoul hates vegetables of any sort and she knows Yoojung does too if not more than she does. “How do you make her eat that shit?”

Doyeon rolls her eyes, annoyed and wishing that Jinsoul would go away. The blonde was like a little fly buzzing about. “Because I make it taste good.” 

Jinsoul hums and resists the urge to gag, “sure, whatever you say.” Doyeon glares at her and the blonde would feel a bit bad about being such a pesk right now but she thinks the older girl deserves it. 

The kitchen goes back to silence and soon Jinsoul begins to sigh and groan. Doyeon chops more aggressively with every annoying noise that comes from Jinsoul. Bringing down the knife with more force than necessary she turns to Jinsoul, “what the hell is wrong with you?”

“I’m bored!” Doyeon stares into doe eyes, all glassy with upturned brows for added effect. 

Shaking herself out of it she goes back to her vegetables. Jung Jinsoul was too cute for her own good. “Go home then.” The blonde sighs sadly once again and Doyeon can’t focus. Laying the knife down, regaining her composure she tries to not think of throwing Jinsoul out the door. “Okay what, you clearly got something to say.”

Jinsoul smiles before squealing like a teenage girl that’s just seen her crush. Doyeon blushes slightly because she can’t stand this girl nor the gossip she loves to talk about. That was Yoojung’s job. But Jinsoul...is annoyingly pretty and Doyeon can’t help but roll her eyes at the site of the blonde kicking her feet against the counter. 

“What was Sooyoung like when you knew her?”

“Oh god not this again Jinsoul I thought I told you to stay away from her!” Doyeon scolds and Jinsoul deflate into nothing. She thinks she’ll just ignore it and go back to cooking but the sight of Jinsoul on the verge of crying does a number on her heart. “Fine, jesus, uh she was kinda the same except she’s a lot more arrogant these days. She’s always been cocky but never vocal about it.” 

Doyeon can barely remember the underclassman really. She only talked to Sooyoung a few times. Sooyoung had this attitude though as if she was untouchable and she was at that time. She still is...except by a certain blonde’s grubby hands. Doyeon still doesn’t understand the mix of Sooyoung and Jinsoul and why they like each other so much.

Then again, Doyeon still can’t figure out why Yoojung ended up falling for her either. 

Sooyoung was reserved and did everything in this calculated manner that just seemed effortless. Doyeon thought she was cool in her own way. But kinda weird with how withdrawn she was. 

Doyeon explains all of this, for what little she knew about Sooyoung to Jinsoul and the blonde eagerly listens as if she didn’t know Sooyoung already likes the back of her hand. “She hit on me once.” If there’s one thing that Jinsoul gets right about Sooyoung, it’s that smile. One of the best Doyeon’s ever seen beside Yoojung’s. 

Sooyoung was a charmer for sure and the way she flirted was subtle yet confident. It didn’t leave Doyeon irked or creeped out like most times others have tried laying it on her, but instead flattered. “What’d you say?” Jinsoul asks her quietly and she can tell how curious the blonde is. 

“I thanked her.” It wasn’t awkward when she shot down Sooyoung, the girl took the rejection surprisingly well. “Because one, I was with Yoojung...kind of, two she’s not my type.” She and Sooyoung studied together a few times after that and Doyeon learned just how quiet the girl really was. 

Jinsoul hums, “aweeee babe that’s so sweet, look at you being loyal to Yoojung.” Jinsoul coos out and Doyeon’s cheeks darken, “as you should because if not I would have buried you a long time ago.” 

“Uh huh sure you would have.” 

Doyeon would never admit this but she was scared of Jinsoul sometimes. She was scarier than Yoojung. “Mhmm and I still haven’t been thanked for convincing Yoojung to go back to your sorry ass that last time, did you forget?” 

Jinsoul’s staring a hole through her, waiting patiently for yet another thank you. Doyeon’s told her a hundred times by now but the blonde is never satisfied. “Thank you.”

“Nope not good enough. Say the full thing.”

Doyeon groans and tilts her head back, her embarrassment high as the ceiling, “thank you Jinsoul for convincing Yoojung to get back with my sorry ass after I was mean to her.” Jinsoul laughs which makes it worse, her pain was the blonde’s enjoyment.

She watches Jinsoul wipe some stray tears away, still giggling like the menace she is. “You know, she didn’t even tell me you two we’re together back then either, she was still calling you her roommate. I mean I connected the dots and all because jeez she was pretty upset over just a roommate.” Jinsoul’s only joking at the moment but it makes Doyeon sick at the thought of Yoojung being upset. “Was it hard with Yoojung at first? Being together?”

Jinsoul leaned back onto the counter, slowly turning serious. Doyeon lives in the past for seconds and regrets the memories as soon as they form. “It was, neither of us was really ready for what we wanted.” Doyeon had already gone through so much and Yoojung was scared of experiencing anything bad that could happen. Together they were always walking on eggshells, they still do. But they’ve learned with time when to hide and when they can relax, still Doyeon can tell when Yoojung gets scared. “You remember last year right? What happened?” 

Jinsoul nods, a sadness in her eyes. Doyeon may or may not have gotten in a violent fight, and she may or may not know how to fight. There was this guy that kept harassing Yoojung, he knew, Doyeon doesn’t know how he knew but he did. Everyday he’d say horrible things to Yoojung about it.

She couldn’t just do nothing.

“I got to the point where I don’t care, I love Yoojung more than anything else and now I don’t want anything to be different, it’s...nothing would be right without her.” Doyeon explains seriously. 

Jinsoul is oddly silent and Doyeon glances at her, the blonde is in deep thought. Chewing at her lip and gazing down at the floor. “Do...do you think me and Sooyoung would work out? If we tried?” 

Doyeon sighs and has the idea where Jinsoul was going with this. The exact reason she didn’t want Jinsoul to get involved with Sooyoung, sure she was a good friend and all, but a terrible lover. “Sooyoung’s always been down low, no one knows and I think she wants to keep it that way.” Doyeon then gives Sooyoung the benefit of the doubt, “I mean that’s before she met you though, I never saw Sooyoung being willing to be with someone seriously. It’s too risky ya know but...she really seems to like you.” 

She hates taking up for Sooyoung kind of, well until she saw the glimmer of hope in Jinsoul’s eyes. Doyeon knows Sooyoung’s not all that bad. “I don’t trust her and you gotta know there’s a chance that she might run from whatever you two got going on, she’s good at forgetting.” The blonde looks entirely too sad for Doyeon’s liking so she tries to cheer her up, “but I think you’d be impossible to forget Jinsoul.”

“Oh Doyeon…”

Suddenly there’s a pair of arms wrapped around Doyeon, squeezing the life out of her. Jinsoul’s never hugged her before. They’ve always had a grudge against each other, Doyeon thinking the blonde was irritating (adorably so) and Jinsoul being Yoojung’s best friend was bound to be a rivalry. But...it’s a nice hug and Doyeon pats Jinsoul’s back. “Can you like, let go now.” 

Jinsoul’s crying, just a little bit. Doyeon hears the cute sniffles and sees that the girl’s shoulders are trembling. “Shut up you love me.”

Even though she rolls her eyes, Doyeon can’t keep the smile off her face. “Yeah, I guess I do.” Jinsoul pulls back then, eyes all puffy. “All I’m saying is Sooyoung has one chance to fuck up with you...or-”

“Or what? Doyeon you can’t fight.” Doyeon takes full offense at the jab and shoves Jinsoul off of her, so much for being nice to her for once. “I’m playing jeez you don’t even have to worry she’s really trying you know.” Jinsoul rambles quietly and knudges her fist against Doyeon’s arm. 

Jinsoul reminds her of Yoojung sometimes. Having so much faith in things that could easily fail. But maybe Doyeon should have some faith too. It’s the reason she’s still with the love of her life now. Because Yoojung believed in her and Jinsoul did too for whatever reason.

She owes Jinsoul for a lot. One day she’ll get around to it. 

Going back to her vegetables, Doyeon picks up the knife and thinks that she could start today. Being nice to Jinsoul is the least she could do and this vendetta they have has gotten a bit old. “You wanna help?” Glancing over to the blonde and seeing that smile…

Doyeon thinks she’s made the right choice.

~~~~

_A few weeks later_

“And that’s why trickle-down economics is...a bunch of bologna.” Jinsoul finishes off quietly, her eyes scanning hesitantly over the projector screen. Her hands are all sweaty which is a rarity and she’s incredibly nervous. “Ugh they’re totally gonna make fun of me!” Jinsoul spins on her heels, it’s her fourth time doing the mock run of her analysis of modern economics.

She looks for her voice of reason, her boost of confidence in the form of a very exhausted single audience member. Sooyoung is chewing on her gum, obnoxiously as always and it’s a bit of a distraction to Jinsoul. The older girl is in deep thought, her eyebrows scrunched to the middle and her fingers padding along with the column of her throat. It’s a habit of Sooyoung’s that Jinsoul’s noticed, something she does whenever she’s anxious or actually using her brain for once. 

“Since when do you care if someone’s making fun of you?” It’s a genuine question yet it still gives Jinsoul a migraine. Tilting her head back she sighs a bit dramatically before leaning back onto the brick wall besides the screen. Since it’s night out now, the room is shrouded in darkness, the only light source is from the small projector.

It illuminates the room in a foggy light since it’s so dusty in here and Jinsoul would probably be complaining if she wasn’t torn about her grade. Sooyoung is sitting beside the projector on some old cushioned chair and is controlling the slides and such. Legs crossed and back straight, she’s posed like she’s about to model for some high fashion magazine and Jinsoul would be lying if she said she wasn’t distracted. 

“I mean I don’t care but…” 

Jinsoul kinda did care. Of course she’s never been the girl to give two cents about anyone’s opinion about her, but that didn’t mean she wanted to be ridiculed and laughed at in front of all her peers. She wanted to succeed, she wanted to impress and most of all she wanted the same amount of respect everyone else gets.

But because she’s a woman in this profession dominated by men she’s uneasy. Jinsoul’s fought for so long to get where she is, but she knows some things can’t be accomplished by just being as clever as she is. It’s unfair but she knows nothing can be done about it.

That’s why she idolizes Sooyoung so much, not only does she admire the older girl romantically but she saw her someone to look up to and thought so highly of her and her accomplishments. Groaning out of frustration, Jinsoul begins to drag herself across the room to where Sooyoung’s sitting. Her arms limp and swing, she’s on the verge of having a mini tantrum. 

Straight-laced, void of any emotion. Jinsoul wonders why she’s so attracted to a woman the total opposite of her. Sooyoung hums, acknowledging her words but doesn’t say anything. 

Jinsoul makes it all the way up to the older girl and glances down. Sooyoung’s gold-rimmed glasses glare from the reflection of light at this angle so Jinsoul reaches up to carefully grab the edges of them. Shifting the pair of lenses off, she’s met with a cold stare and although it chills her to the bone it doesn’t drive her away. Not like it used to, when Jinsoul would feel molten lava in her veins at Sooyoung’s presence since she was so infuriating but a single glare felt like a bucket of ice water was dumped over her. 

Sooyoung’s gaze flickers between her own for a few seconds before slowly narrowing, “but what? You don’t care but?” Sooyoung asks in a condescending way and it does nothing to help Jinsoul, it only confuses her more. 

The glasses are still in Jinsoul’s hand, clenched hard enough to cause the lenses to fog up from the heat of her palm. Jinsoul sits them off to the side before she ends up crushing them. “You know what it's like! No matter how hard I try or well I do, they’ll still find a way to mock me.” Jinsoul whines begging to pout up at Sooyoung who’s expression hasn’t changed in the slightest.

Jinsoul scrunches her nose up, fighting back tears and goes to cry about it more, but Sooyoung stops her with a tug on her hands and whispered words, “and you’ll put them in their place if they do, just like you always do, just like you did with me multiple times...that I’m still thankful for.” Jinsoul turns her face away and bites her lip, feeling overwhelmed all of the sudden. “I didn’t take you seriously and you showed me exactly why I should have never done that. So what’s the problem now?” 

“Well yeah, duh, but even if I humble those assholes doesn’t mean I won’t fail.” Jinsoul explains, of course she wasn’t gonna let them get under her skin, Jinsoul knows how smart she is and won’t let anyone tell or make her feel any different. She knows her worth and has worked for it her whole life. Doesn’t mean she’s being rewarded for it though. 

Sooyoung tugs on her hands again and brings them to her lips, kissing the palms of them affectionately. “I won’t let you fail, I promise.” Jinsoul still refuses to look at Sooyoung, afraid of the intensity in her eyes. 

Although they made the deal weeks ago, Jinsoul was afraid of falling too fast...she didn’t want to be the one to lose either. But when Sooyoung was this thoughtful it was near impossible not to fall in love just a little bit. “I don’t understand how you did it, got to where you are without giving up. I don’t know if I’ll ever be successful.” Jinsoul admits because she knows how annoying and sadistic some of these dweebs can be, just by playing in the arcade with them as long as she has. Actually working with them however? She’d rather be gagged with a spoon. 

Sooyoung sighs, “it wasn’t easy, I pretended a lot, being confident, bulletproof and all but...sometimes it got to me.” Jinsoul can relate, even though she consistently labeled herself strong-willed and capable of anything if she put the work in, many times she ended up lost and unsure. But was so stubborn she remained independent, refusing to ask for help from anyone. “I think it was because I was driven by the passion I had for it, one of the only things that I enjoyed doing.” 

The older girl then stands up and the sudden proximity makes Jinsoul’s heart leap to her throat. Sooyoung pushes past her and begins to stare at the projector screen and the blonde swears she can hear the cogs and gears of Sooyoung’s mind working. “I lost my passion a while ago though, I was kinda in a dark place, I had no motivation. Felt like I was steering in the wrong direction without any sense of a solution.” 

Jinsoul traces the outline of Sooyoung's silhouette, and then the shadow it casts onto the screen. Sooyoung wore a form fitting turtleneck with a skirt just as tight, her hair in soft curls, now long enough to sit prettily on her shoulders. Jinsoul’s breath shortens just by watching her and she forces herself to look away.

Sooyoung turns to her, hair bouncing in the foggy light. “Then I met you and remembered why I loved doing what I do.” It has to be illegal, no one should be allowed to be as beautiful as Sooyoung is. Especially with that much poise. “Watching you play, how excited you get, all that fun you’d have...it was contagious, it reminded me of what I’ve missed.” 

Sooyoung faces away again and mumbles out, “you made me fall in love again.” Sooyoung’s talking about games of course, making them, playing them. But the way she says it makes Jinsoul foolishly believe there’s something more to those words. There has to be some fine print, hidden behind the surface of Sooyoung’s walls. That says what exactly needs to hear, what all she’s still unsure about. 

Jinsoul stares at the back of Sooyoung’s head. Tilted slightly to the side, her shoulders rolling up and down with each slow breath she takes. Jinsoul wishes she could see Sooyoung’s face at this moment, and maybe it wouldn’t be a mystery.

If Sooyoung was in love with her too.

“You’re so special Jinsoul because you don’t have to pretend that you are. I mean I’ve never met someone so unapologetically honest about their feelings. It’s why I…” Jinsoul steps closer, reaching out to Sooyoung, “you’ll be successful no matter what, especially with how smart you are. Don’t ever doubt yourself when you was the one who saved me from it.” 

Before she can grab Sooyoung the girl is already turning around. When they’re only inches apart Jinsoul quietly asks, “do you really think that about me?” She didn't really know what was going on in Sooyoung’s head all that time ago. Jinsoul wouldn’t have ever guessed she had a part in Sooyoung’s recovered passion for the thing she loved doing most. Sooyoung’s attitude towards her wasn’t entirely friendly at first and Jinsoul had to admit it was strange that the older girl still searched for her despite their differences. The blonde was unsure why Sooyoung kept showing up in her life like a stray bullet always managing to pierce her heart.

Maybe she pierced Sooyoung’s heart as well.

Now that bullet was lodged in Jinsoul’s chest and she knew it was too deep to dig out. “Of course I do, I think the world of you.” Sooyoung tells her and Jinsoul averts her gaze to the floor. Jinsoul never had anyone that adores her. Countless others have admired her but no one does like Sooyoung. Jinsoul’s only been praised for her looks and sense of style or that she didn’t care about her reputation. Sooyoung admires it all however, the worst parts of her and the secrets she keeps from the world. 

How sometimes she’s still weak regardless of the strength she brags about. That she’s insecure even if she drips in confidence. Sooyoung admires that she needs reassurance even if all she does is preach about her independence that she don’t need nobody else. 

Sooyoung grasps Jinsoul’s chin, tilting her head up so that her eyes aren't glued to the floor anymore. Her thumb presses into her cheek while the rest of her hand is wrapped tightly around her jaw. “That’s why you should believe in yourself in the way I do.” Jinsoul knees slightly buckle underneath her but she has no chance of falling forward because Sooyoung’s already got an arm secured around her waist. “I’m not gonna let you fail Jinsoul.”

Jinsoul leans into her, pressing her palms to Sooyoung’s shoulders, “I’m gonna fail sometime or another.” Jinsoul knows Sooyoung can’t help her with everything, but the thought is what matters.

“Well if you do...I’ll be right there with you.” Jinsoul trusts her, she trusts Sooyoung still after all those times that she’s been given chances to doubt this. But those words stick to her heart. Sooyoung’s thumb moves past her cheek and right below her lips. Jinsoul kisses the pad of it and watches how Sooyoung’s stare lingers on her lips for far too long. Sooyoung drags her thumb across Jinsoul’s bottom lip, edging the blonde to part them ever so slightly. 

Seconds stretch longer and Sooyoung leans forward. Jinsoul thinks of this kiss as some sort of a seal to the promise Sooyoung just made. _I’ll be right there with you._ Jinsoul hopes so, because she can’t imagine Sooyoung anywhere else but by her side. 

Sooyoung’s hand on her waist clenches onto the fabric there and Jinsoul squeezes the girl’s shoulders as she starts to lean in too. The warmth is suffocating and with Sooyoung’s grasp still on her jaw pulling her closer. When her lips are almost pressed against Sooyoung's, the momentum stops, “you wanna go out for drinks?”

Jinsoul is left wobbling in her spot when Sooyoung breaks away from her in a flash. Her brain is fizzling out as her out of body moment continues. The blonde has no idea what’s happening, all she knows is that one second she was about to have the sweetest kiss ever and the next she’s left hanging. “Really Sooyoung! You’re such a tease!”

“What? You seemed stressed at all, maybe a few will help your nerves.” Sooyoung is across the room, slipping on her coat and picking up her glasses where Jinsoul left them. Jinsoul’s features are all contorted into anger now, she doesn’t like to be teased. Especially about something she wants so badly. Sooyoung smirks, knowing exactly what she’s done and the frustration she’s caused. Turning off the projector and gathering Jinsoul’s things Sooyoung struts arrogantly over to the steaming blonde. 

When Sooyoung gets closer, catching the pout on her face she begins to coo, “awe baby you’re so cute when you're mad.” The older girl then pinches her cheek gently, embarrassing Jinsoul even more. 

“Oh shut up!” Jinsoul whines before leaving Sooyoung in the dust. 

Sooyoung chases her all the way out. Jinsoul’s smile stretches as Sooyoung calls out her name over and over again. Outside, Sooyoung grabs her playfully, spinning her around. Jinsoul’s laughing at the silliness of it all while Sooyoung slips her hand into hers. 

Jinsoul glances down, something burning inside her when she sees her fingers interlaced with Sooyoung’s. She remembers back when Sooyoung was afraid to hold her hand. When the girl would try to pull away and Jinsoul could feel the nerves just by the tremble of Sooyoung’s fingers.

But Sooyoung’s grip is tight now, it’s warm and secure. 

It isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. 

Jinsoul realizes this as she’s being dragged down the street by Sooyoung who’s talking a mile a minute. Used to it was like tooth and nail to get a word out of her pretty mouth. Now Jinsoul Sooyoung’s person. The one she can talk to about anything. She’s learning how to navigate Sooyoung now. Slowly, she’s filling in the blindspots.

She’ll know how to love Sooyoung if she takes the time to do it right. 

~~~~

Hi, I want to formally apologize for another horrible chapter. I am very sorry. But I *promise* to make the last three very excellent. Yass three more chapters I’m afraid and I want to make them super freaking good so it may take a little while...so I’ll ask for patience politely! 

Anyways I hope you all enjoy! As always lots of love mwah <3

Also! I’m up for suggestions like anything you all would like to see...I’m thinking about making the rest of the chapters in Yves POV 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	27. Can’t this last forever?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: some sexual innuendos? Idk the word

It isn’t loud enough to be a distraction but Sooyoung uses the noisy atmosphere of the lounge as an excuse to get closer to Jinsoul. The blonde mumbles her words even worse with the bit of soju in her system and Sooyoung devotes herself to every syllable. 

Jinsoul didn’t believe her when she said they should go out for drinks. Sooyoung meant it and took Jinsoul to her favorite place to wind down after a stressful day of work. The lounge was dimly lit and the wooden interior gave a warmish hue, it was comforting enough to relax. Sooyoung was squished beside Jinsoul in a small booth, her elbow rested on the table as she pointed her gaze in the babbling girl’s direction.

Sooyoung is hypnotized with the way Jinsoul expresses herself. Her brows dance with the story she’s telling, her eyes widening whenever her voice pitches higher. Every now and then Jinsoul will push her hands out against the table when the story hits an exciting part. Sooyoung can’t help but quietly laugh to herself. Watching Jinsoul is better than the story itself.

Jinsoul takes another heavy drink from her glass, making her slur her words more than before. Sooyoung’s always adored the particular way in which Jinsoul speaks. Her form was never clear and the tumbled, raspy tone of her words was nothing short of a lullaby. Sooyoung could listen to Jinsoul all night, she could listen to her forever.

The blonde’s fingers twitch against the table as the pace picks up speed before stopping all together. Sooyoung looks at Jinsoul expectantly since the girl had paused mid-sentence telling one of the most interesting stories about shopping at a mall. Long eyelashes flutter, then flicker towards her. Jinsoul’s gaze meets hers and Sooyoung finds her thoughts plummeting over a cliff. 

Her throat tightens and Sooyoung finds out she doesn’t have the ability to turn away. Jinsoul’s expression is point blank and Sooyoung begins to sink into the intensity in her eyes, inevitably losing herself in the glimmer of them. Seconds drag on and Jinsoul’s eyes become even prettier than before. Sooyoung thinks it’s impossible, how something becomes better than perfect.

Jinsoul’s smiling at her, cutting back a laugh before pushing at Sooyoung’s elbow that was resting on the table. “Quit looking at me you’re making me feel weird.” Sooyoung’s jaw is dropped in awe, stunned at how devastatingly beautiful Jinsoul was, but the words make her lips curl.

She feels strange too. 

It’s something she’s never felt before and it’s all because of that look Jinsoul is giving her. One of these days, Sooyoung won’t be able to survive such a look. One simple look will surely send her to heaven earlier than intended. Because of what she feels when she locks eyes with Jinsoul, Sooyoung wouldn’t mind feeling that way for eternity. 

Sooyoung wants to feel this way forever.

And she has no doubt. Sooyoung knows she’ll have this thing for Jinsoul the rest of her life whether they make it or not. The blonde is unforgettable and the mark she’s made on Sooyoung will never fade no matter what happens.

Sooyoung will always love Jinsoul in some shape or form.

Jinsoul scoots into the corner of the booth and Sooyoung wants to follow her movements, but the expression on the blonde’s face tells her to wait. Jinsoul is acting like she’s been caught doing something she shouldn’t have. Innocently enough like she was stealing out a cookie jar and Sooyoung coos at how adorable Jinsoul truly is. “What? Do you still feel weird?” 

Sooyoung wishes she knew what was going on in that head of hers. Jinsoul is shaking it before calling out, “Sooyoung…” Her name is wrapped with a softness that makes her heart ache painfully good. Not being able to resist anymore, Sooyoung reaches out and captures one of Jinsoul’s ansty hands in her own. Jinsoul’s flushed, her eyes becoming heavier the longer she stares. She’s warm too, Sooyoung can feel the heat just from holding her hand. “I think I’m drunk.” Sooyoung snorts at the revelation and does a quick scan over the lounge, making sure no wandering eyes were on them before bringing Jinsoul’s fingers to her lips.

She kisses across each knuckle, turning her back towards the crowd so they can’t see the affection she’s pouring into Jinsoul. “I know baby. It’s a bit obvious, you can’t even look straight.” Jinsoul scowls at her but lets Sooyoung continue her efforts of pressing her lips across lithe fingers. 

“Aren't you?” Sooyoung shakes her head no at the question, they’ve only gone through two bottles, sharing each. Sooyoung herself can drink herself through three and a half. Sooyoung upturns Jinsoul’s hand and kisses into her palm. She may not be drunk off the bottle, but Jinsoul manages to make her just as dizzy. “Ugh...how? I feel like my freaking head is gonna spin off.” 

Bringing their hands underneath the table, still tangled together Sooyoung tries her best to explain, “tolerance? You know the thing that happens when-”

“No duh, I know what tolerance is...smartass.”

Laughing at the warning tone Sooyoung just adds fuel to the fire, “well you asked princess.” Jinsoul rolls her eyes and Sooyoung finds herself craving more of the push and pull Jinsoul gives her. “We can stop if you want to and I’ll walk you home.” Sooyoung can’t get enough of Jinsoul and her lack of manners. It’s something Sooyoung thought she’d never be badly attracted to. 

Jinsoul hums in thought before answering quietly, “nooo, I like being here with you. I don’t wanna go anywhere else.” Jinsoul’s attitude was only a front, Sooyoung learned that a long time ago. While she was obsessed with the bite that Jinsoul had. She adored what was underneath it all. 

That sweetness, the same sweetness she was always begging to get another taste. Sooyoung never had someone who wanted to love her like Jinsoul has. And Jinsoul does unconditionally, despite the many times Sooyoung’s given her a reason not to. All those chances Sooyoung gave her to walk away and not look back. Jinsoul seemed to only care for her more after each time and saw right through Sooyoung. Jinsoul was so good to her. She was too good for her and Sooyoung wants to be just as good back. 

Jinsoul doesn’t make things scary and Sooyoung feels like the version of herself that she’s always wanted to be, but has always been afraid to express. The kindness that Jinsoul has, the intensity of her feelings, the honesty of her love. Aside from it all being so scary. Sooyoung’s never felt safer with someone. 

Sooyoung’s lucky.

She’s incredibly lucky for Jinsoul who has never stopped trying for her.

So Sooyoung wants to try for her. Grabbing the bottle of soju from the table she fills her glass, “let me catch up to you then.” Sooyoung mutters to Jinsoul, whose lips are slowly growing into a bright smile. 

Jinsoul bounces beside her as she downs the entire glass in one go. It burns her throat but it’s worth it seeing how excited Jinsoul is now knowing she isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.

Sooyoung doesn’t want to be anywhere else but by Jinsoul’s side.

~~~~

Two more bottles later, with Sooyoung downing most of it she thinks it’s safe to say she catched up to Jinsoul rather quickly...if not too quickly. They’ve made their way to the tiny dance floor where someone on stage just as drunk is singing along to karaoke. Jinsoul has her arms wrapped around her shoulders while Sooyoung secures the blonde’s waist with her hand. The other holds a bottle of soju, nearly empty.

The woman on stage is singing some sappy love song, bawling her eyes out. It was clear that she was heart broken, either that or had one too many. Jinsoul and Sooyoung only giggle at the woman’s cries and rock back n’ forth sloppily, laughing loudly every time they stumble. 

Jinsoul has almost fallen five times and Sooyoung is running out of stamina to be her anchor. Finishing the bottle off with a few chugs Sooyoung maneuvers them closer to a table so she can get rid of it. Now that her hands are free, she presses one into the small of Jinsoul’s back and the other tangles itself with Jinsoul’s own. 

Sooyoung can’t help but smile when Jinsoul scoots even closer to her, resting her forehead in the crook of her neck. Jinsoul holds their intertwined hands outwards and Sooyoung takes the lead. 

She allows herself to fall into the motions, closing her eyes and humming along the song. Sooyoung feels at peace for the first time in forever. Like nothing could touch her and this piece of happiness she calls her own.

There’s a pair of friends beside them dancing, along with numerous couples or people out on a date. Sooyoung notices how the two keep a distance between each other and their hands are placed in less intimate places. Suddenly, Sooyoung starts to feel paranoid. She and Jinsoul are dancing more similar to the couples than the best friends.

Jinsoul’s hand is caressing the back of her neck and Sooyoung realizes she’s far too close. She shouldn’t be pressed against Jinsoul this tightly. This embrace shouldn’t be so intimate, she shouldn’t feel the heat of Jinsoul’s breath against the column of her throat. 

And god it feels so good, so good that Sooyoung doesn’t want to pull away. 

However, Sooyoung doesn’t want this to be their last dance and finds the strength to peel herself from Jinsoul. Sooyoung misses the warmth immediately. She absolutely hates the feeling that something is missing and she knows it’s because Jinsoul isn’t in her arms anymore. Jinsoul is clueless and it’s pitiful how she pouts up like a kicked puppy. “What’s wrong baby?”

Sooyoung shakes her head and grabs the blonde by the elbow, “shhh nothing let's get out of here.” She hopes no one heard Jinsoul call her that in such a sweet tone. While Sooyoung craved that kind of affection she can’t afford anyone knowing she did. 

And she feels so terrible because all Jinsoul wants is to love her and sometimes Sooyoung can’t even give her that. She knows she’s dangerous to love, it’s taken her so long to think she even deserves it. Sooyoung doesn’t want to taint Jinsoul like she has been. 

“No wait I wanna keep dancing!” Jinsoul mumbles out, frustrated that Sooyoung was trying to drag her out. Sooyoung doesn’t know if anyone was watching them before but they definitely are now. “Don’t you wanna dance with me baby?” Sooyoung turns red and pulls harder than intended, Jinsoul falls forward just a bit and into her chest. Sooyoung takes the opportunity to make a quick escape. Her heart was pounding. With fear and something else...something that she wants to overtake the fear. 

Sooyoung grabs all their things with one hand while the other wrapped tightly on Jinsoul’s elbow. The blonde was upset but wasn’t fighting against Sooyoung’s hold anymore. Sooyoung turns to leave and feels nauseous at how crowded it’s gotten. She’s glad she noticed it was time to leave before it was too late.

They make it out the door and are on their way down the street when Sooyoung hears sniffling behind her. She’s still holding onto Jinsoul's elbow with a vice grip and she didn’t stop to think that it may be hurting her. Turning, her heart breaks at the site, Jinsoul’s lip is trembling and her makeup has run down her cheeks from the tears. 

Sooyoung’s words catch in her chest. She's always been bad at apologizing or comforting anyone. Especially when she was the reason they were hurting in the first place. Sooyoung always found herself leaving, instead of staying to try and put the broken pieces back together. Sooyoung guesses it’s the reason she got the reputation for being coldhearted. 

But she wasn’t at all, because if she was truly that insensitive she wouldn’t physically feel every little noise coming from Jinsoul. It’s like a hammer blow to the heart and Sooyoung wishes she knew how to fix it. She’s never wanted to fix it with anyone else but Jinsoul. 

Sooyoung doesn’t want to break Jinsoul like she’s done to her past lovers. 

Not when Jinsoul was the one who put her back together with utmost attention and care. 

“You’re such a jerk Sooyoung.” Jinsoul slobbers out, her drunken voice mudded with tears. “I wanted to dance with you but you were a jerk.” Sooyoung’s still buzzed and she knows it wouldn’t be any help explaining the fear and paranoia she felt. For all she knows, Jinsoul’s never experience anything like she has.

That’s why she was going to try her hardest. So Jinsoul would never have to experience any of that. She would do her best to help Jinsoul avoid everything that could potentially hurt her. But Sooyoung didn’t think about how she could be the one to end up hurting Jinsoul in the process.

So Sooyoung’s stuck without anything to say because she’s terrible at expressing herself. At least her true feelings. She’s frozen within her mess of thoughts, ones that’s telling her just to apologize, to take the time to share her worries. But that wouldn't feel like enough of an excuse for hurting Jinsoul. When seeing her cry is the most devastating thing Sooyoung’s witnessed. 

Sooyoung wants to make it all better but she doesn’t know how.

Ignoring the twang in her heart she continues to walk, hoping...even praying that Jinsoul follows. 

She knows she doesn’t deserve it.

Still, she can’t help but want it. 

~~~~

Jinsoul does follow her and Sooyoung is cursed up and down the entire way to where she was leading them. She takes it whole-heartedly because well, she does deserve to get her ass chewed out. But again she’s feeling lucky. 

Sooyoung will take getting her name cursed to hell over being abandoned anyday. She’s secretly relieved that Jinsoul is so adamant with telling her she’s an asshole. Sooyoung is grateful, so grateful she thanks whoever is above that Jinsoul is deathly allergic to giving up on anything. 

That Jinsoul refuses to give up on her. 

Of course, Sooyoung had no doubt Jinsoul would come after her. No matter how mad she was. Jinsoul’s stubbornness is one of the thousands of things Sooyoung loves about her. That and her very creative ways of expressing her anger. Sooyoung doesn’t say anything the entire time, letting Jinsoul get it all out. She’ll figure out how to ask for forgiveness later, for now she’ll take her punishment gladly.

She fully intended on taking Jinsoul home but Sooyoung doesn’t want the night to end on such a bad note. So she takes them to a place she used to come to clear her mind on days that seemed to go on forever.

Her old art school, twice as small as the university Jinsoul goes to. There were only a few buildings and a pathway to a small plaza with a grand fountain.

Jinsoul’s gone quiet behind her, probably absorbed in the student project out on display. Varying from metal sculptures to strange wooden assemblages. 

Sooyoung spots a stone bench with an intricate pattern that’s been chiseled in. She drags her feet to a stop and waits for Jinsoul. The blonde was about a few meters away, stumbling towards her. It was obvious she hasn’t become completely sober.

“Thank fucking god, my feet were starting to blister you walk like somethings biting you in the ass every few seconds.” Jinsoul rambles out before going to flop on the bench. 

Jinsoul’s wearing a white, oversized suit jacket...and only that. The only thing keeping the jacket closed around her waist is a few buttons and a loose belt tied around. 

A lot of skin is showing and Sooyoung has found herself losing focus a lot tonight. From the deep cut of the suit, all the way down between Jinsoul’s breast, to the several inches of the silky smooth skin of her thighs on display. 

When Jinsoul crosses her legs and arms Sooyoung tears her wandering eyes away. She’s already in enough trouble. Sooyoung doesn’t want to irritate Jinsoul even more because she can’t stop ogling at her.

Jinsoul bounces her heel off her toe while the other foot rests on the ground. Sooyoung’s staring at nothing in particular but can feel Jinsoul’s glare burning layers through her skin, “can you sit down? You’re making me nervous.” Sooyoung listens obediently and plops herself beside the blonde but manages to keep a good distance between them.

The awkward silence then ensues. Both of them are tense, almost ridgid from the underlying conflict. This is the one thing that Sooyoung wasn’t looking forward to when she knew she wanted to be with Jinsoul.

She’s never been in a relationship. At least one that was more than something physical. Or one that she wasn’t being used to make someone else feel good. Jinsoul actually likes her, likes who she is and Sooyoung wants to keep it that way. 

So she can’t just dismiss things like this. She can’t ignore the problem until it goes away or simply tell Jinsoul off, it’s the last thing she wants to do now. But...Sooyoung has no idea how to work through obstacles and hates the confrontation that comes with them. She feels like she’s driving without the steering wheel. 

She knew they would crash at some point and while this is minor, Sooyoung’s brain manages to make it major. Because what if her minor mistakes begin to build up and Jinsoul grows tired of being patient with her. Or if Jinsoul finds someone better, willing to love her with the devotion she deserves. Not some girl with a pile of trust and commitment issues...that doesn’t even know where to begin when it comes knowing how to love someone. 

“Oh my god...Sooyoung, cut it out, I can totally hear the gears turning up there.” 

Turning to Jinsoul’s voice she’s met with a curious gaze. Her eyes are still glassy from crying earlier and impossible dark. Sooyoung doesn’t think for seconds and the silence is so blissful. Jinsoul then turns away again with a little  _ hmph _ , her cheeks puffed up from the frown she was wearing. 

_ Oh who is she kidding _ , Sooyoung already loves Jinsoul, she only needs to figure out how to show it without being so scared. Besides...she’ll be caught dead before letting anyone else have Jinsoul.

Sooyoung deflates and slumps forward, shoving her hands between her knees. Turns out she really was overthinking things, still she’s deathly afraid of losing Jinsoul, so she needs to figure out how to deal with these uncertainties soon. 

She keeps glancing over at the blonde, still puffed up, still mad. Sooyoung wants to scoot closer. Wants to kiss the frown away, wants to stop Jinsoul from shivering so much from the cold. But somethings holding her back. 

And Sooyoung knows it’s habit of keeping her feelings intact and unknown. That’s what she gets for being involved with women who were married or had boyfriends, or simply didn’t want to be seen with her. Sooyoung has had to hide a lot, for her own benefit and others. Jinsoul’s the total opposite however. She wants everyone to know she’s Sooyoung’s, because she isn’t ashamed of her. 

Sooyoung doesn’t know what it’s like, not being ashamed of. Not being a secret. But Jinsoul’s teaching her and if there’s one thing Sooyoung wants in the world.

Is that she wishes she met Jinsoul sooner. 

Digging in her bag she finds an old pack of cigarettes, probably haven’t been touched in a month. Pulling them out she sighs, there’s only one left. “You want one?” She holds it out to Jinsoul who side eyes her.

“I thought you didn’t smoke?”

Sooyoung cringes, it’s clear Jinsoul wants to scold her. “It’s for emergencies.” She tells the truth, “I haven’t in forever.” Jinsoul is skeptical but plucks the cigarette out of her hand anyways. Sooyoung stares as Jinsoul places it between her lips.

She misses Jinsoul’s lips, but she isn’t given anytime to daydream before the blonde is talking again, “you got a light?” 

Sooyoung nods and digs through her bag once again. She pulls out her metal lighter and holds it up to the tip. Her hands are shaking badly however, and Sooyoung isn’t able to keep it still enough to light the end. Jinsoul stares at her for a moment, studying every detail of her expression. Sooyoung wants to cover her face so Jinsoul can’t read her like an open book like she always manages to do. 

Jinsoul then reaches out with both hands, one to still Sooyoung’s shaking pair and the other to cover the flame from the wind. Sooyoung takes a deep breath and focuses on flicking it. After a few tries it switches on and Jinsoul takes a long drag. 

Sooyoung releases her breath when Jinsoul exhales. Her eyes boring into Sooyoung’s. She wants to look away but can’t, Jinsoul has the power to turn her into stone and the only thing that’s keeping her alive is the jack-hammer of her heart.

Jinsoul then glances down, freeing Sooyoung from her invisible clutches. Sooyoung lets her eyes travel south too, and watches as Jinsoul puts the cigarette out on the bench. “Ew...yuck.” Jinsoul then lifts her hand and flicks Sooyoung’s forehead lightly, “those things are gross. I don’t want you buying them ever again.” 

Sooyoung rubs the assaulted area and nods. Just when she thinks Jinsoul’s about to give in she turns her back to her. Sooyoung frowns as Jinsoul crosses her arms and goes quiet. 

If Jinsoul doesn’t stop giving her the cold shoulder in the next few minutes. Sooyoung might die. Every second Jinsoul doesn’t pay attention to her, the more needier Sooyoung gets. “Are you cold?” Jinsoul doesn’t answer her, so Sooyoung reaches over to check if there’s goosebumps on her thigh.

Before she can feel if anything is there, Jinsoul’s smacking her hand away, “I said I’m not cold.”

“But-” Sooyoung stops herself. The last thing she needed to do was argue about something petty. Sighing loudly she goes back to the drawing board. There’s only one solution she can think of and she really doesn’t want to.

She’ll have to apologize and explain her actions. 

Sooyoung toughens up a bit and puffs her chest out. “I’m sorry.” Jinsoul slightly turns her cheek towards her and Sooyoung thinks it’s the first step to victory. “I’m sorry I was a jerk to you.” 

“And?”

The anticipation in Jinsoul’s eyes makes Sooyoung nervous, enough so that her mind draws to a blank, “t-that’s it.” Jinsoul searches for something and Sooyoung hopes that she finds what she’s looking for. Jinsoul’s always been good at reading her, maybe too good. And Sooyoung would rather Jinsoul figure this out on her own like she always does than to spill her heart out. Jinsoul faces away from her however, a worse reaction than Sooyoung was expecting. 

Sooyoung’s lip starts to tremble from the frustration. She closes her eyes, embarrassed that to this day she still isn’t able to open up as easily as she wished. It’s uncomfortable even with the person she feels safest with.

She hates it when Jinsoul’s mad at her, truly mad at her. When Jinsoul is hurt rather than annoyed. Sooyoung becomes lost, she can’t flirt or charm her way out of it like she always has. They’ve been here before, Sooyoung is beginning to think Jinsoul does this on purpose just so she’d express her feelings. Sooyoung’s emotions come out and she hates it, how her guard was constantly down around Jinsoul. She has to do it on purpose.

Standing up dramatically Sooyoung huffs, “I’m not good at this Jinsoul!” Sooyoung can never seem to keep her cool around Jinsoul and she can’t ever hide what she’s feeling. Sooyoung promised to never let anyone close like this again. For anyone to get to her like they have in the past. But Sooyoung can’t stand the thought of Jinsoul being disappointed in her.

She can’t let Jinsoul go thinking that she doesn’t feel anything at all.

“You know I’m not good at this.” And she knows Jinsoul understands, she always has. Every time she felt like she was crashing Jinsoul always managed to create a safe landing for her. Jinsoul’s made her more human. She can bring out sides of Sooyoung that no one else has ever managed. 

Calm, cool and collected Sooyoung is something of the past. Now Sooyoung wants to be loved, for her feelings to be cared for and she doesn’t mind asking for it. 

Because she knows Jinsoul wants to be asked.

Sooyoung can be vulnerable without regret. She can cry around Jinsoul without feeling embarrassed. Sooyoung allows herself to be upset when used to she’d brush it off as if she didn’t have emotions. She doesn’t have to reserve her heart anymore. 

The difference between her before and after she met Jinsoul.

Is that she wants to try. She wants to try and try again until she gets it right. 

Sooyoung doesn’t want to walk away from what scares her anymore, “I’m not good at talking about...god I don’t know.” Sooyoung hasn’t got it right yet, but she will with time. As long as Jinsoul keeps pushing her boundaries, as long as she stays no matter how frustrating it gets. Sooyoung glances down at her hands and they’re still shaking from the nerves. 

Her hands still when Jinsoul reaches out to hold them. Sooyoung’s entire body freezes at her touch. Her eyes crawl up Jinsoul’s arms and find concern and worry etched in the blonde’s features. Sooyoung realizes this is Jinsoul being patient with her when she’s so used to Jinsoul pulling her apart piece by piece.

Just like the first time they kissed. Jinsoul managed to drive a wedge into her heart. Sooyoung had wanted her so much that night she couldn’t stand it. Jinsoul could have let her walk away and left the tension buried in a pit never to be uncovered. But Jinsoul refused to let that feeling they had for each other go unnoticed and it consumed Sooyoung.

Jinsoul’s holding back now, letting Sooyoung be the one to decide if she’ll let this feeling consume her or not. Sooyoung misses Jinsoul’s impulsiveness but she can’t rely on it forever. She knows she has to be the one to make steps forward as well. 

Tugging on Jinsoul’s hands she pulls her up to her feet. Sooyoung opens her arms wide and hears the blonde huff when their bodies collide. Her fingers cling to the fabric around Jinsoul’s back and she feels arms snake around her shoulders, holding her back just as tightly. 

Sooyoung rests her head against the side of Jinsoul’s, burying her face in the silk of Jinsoul’s hair. Jinsoul trembles in her embrace and Sooyoung knows it must be because she’s cold. Or it could be that Jinsoul’s feeling anxious like she is. Sooyoung used to like the thought of making Jinsoul nervous but now she only wants to make it go away.

She wants to reassure Jinsoul that it isn’t her that she’s afraid of. Sooyoung isn’t afraid of her love. It’s the rest of the world she’s afraid of, because it isn’t as kind as Jinsoul is. She won’t push Jinsoul away anymore, not like how she has countless times in the past. Not after the first time they kissed, or when Jinsoul confessed in that alleyway. 

Sooyoung holds onto the warmth Jinsoul gives and hopes it lasts forever because she never wants to let go. 

“Do you remember the first time we hugged?” Sooyoung asks in a whisper and Jinsoul nods. It’s hesitate and Sooyoung can barely feel it against her cheek, where Jinsoul’s head is now pressed. “I know it was forced or whatever, but god it made my day...actually my entire week.” Sooyoung hadn’t been hugged by anyone in forever. She couldn’t remember the last time to be honest.

And even at that moment, when Jinsoul was still a stranger, a stranger with a vendetta against her Jinsoul’s embrace was something she had never experienced. 

Jinsoul held her like she meant it. Sooyoung knew then, if Jinsoul was as bad as she acted she wouldn’t have felt so secure in a stranger's arms. “I trusted you, for some reason I trusted you.” Jinsoul hasn’t changed since they met. Not after Sooyoung’s secret was revealed, nor her feelings. Jinsoul still holds her the same.

The same as that very first time.

“I trust you.” Sooyoung admits, “it’s everyone else that I don’t trust.” Breathing in the sweet scent of Jinsoul’s shampoo Sooyoung says it outloud, “I’m sorry it still scares me.” Every beat of her heart feels painful now, but with every secret she reveals it’s like a chain breaks loose. “I don’t want anything to happen to you Jinsoul. Not like it has to me. So please don’t be mad.”

Sooyoung squeezes Jinsoul to make sure she's still there. That she’s still real. And by the little noise she lets out when Sooyoung squeezes too hard, she’ll know Jinsoul will always be. Jinsoul melts into her arms after several long minutes of silence that was borderline tortuous. Sooyoung’s thankful because she isn’t sure she could stand this cold attitude Jinsoul was giving her any longer.

Jinsoul begins to whisper to her, words still slurred from the drinks they shared. “I wish I could take it all away Sooyoung.” She doesn’t understand at first. What Jinsoul is mumbling about with that lullaby of a voice that she has. “I wish I could take it away from you.” But then Jinsoul peels away from her and presses her hand against Sooyoung’s chest. Right over top of her heart. 

It’s what belongs to Jinsoul now and Sooyoung hopes she can feel the heavy yet rhythmic drum of it, it’s all for her. It’s all because of her. 

Jinsoul wishes she could take the hurt from Sooyoung’s past. What Jinsoul wants is something impossible. Sooyoung stares into her eyes filled with adoration. And maybe Jinsoul won’t be able to take the pain away or make her forget however, what she has already done is more than Sooyoung had ever asked for. The new memories Jinsoul’s gave her shadow the ones of her past. 

Now when she sleeps she dreams of Jinsoul. 

There aren't any nightmares when the sun is constantly shining. 

Jinsoul pouts at her and Sooyoung almost turns into a puddle of mush. God, what has happened to her? She used to be able to handle things like this. She used to hate affection. But with Jinsoul it’s like an addiction she can’t quit. The more she gets the more she wants. Sooyoung just wants more and more of Jinsoul. “I’m not mad, how could I be mad at you.” Jinsoul asks, her palm shifting from her pounding chest to her cheek that was starting to turn red. Jinsoul brings her other hand up as well, squishing Sooyoung’s face between them.

“I know it scares you baby.” Sooyoung lets out a breath of relief. Like she said, the girl can read her like a book. Scarily so, “I need you to tell me when it does so I can make it better.” Jinsoul doesn’t know that she already does. 

Sooyoung doesn’t have the words, but she has the actions. Leaning forward she presses her lips to Jinsoul’s. Her lips are impossibly soft, so much that it makes Sooyoung dizzy. No one’s ever kissed her like Jinsoul does.

They pull apart and Sooyoung realizes she didn’t even check if anyone was around to watch. She realizes that not kissing Jinsoul has more consequences than being caught. Sooyoung can’t help it anymore. She wants...no needs Jinsoul more than anything. “God, when you shut me out like this I get so…” Jinsoul rambles, her eyes still closed from Sooyoung’s impulse. Her cheeks are tinged red, “please don’t push me away.” 

Jinsoul doesn’t ask, she demands. But Sooyoung doesn’t mind. She’ll give this girl everything she wants. Jinsoul’s eyes open and Sooyoung’s favorite color becomes brown, “Because that’s what scares me.” 

Sooyoung crumbles, Jinsoul always had the right words. Always knew just what to say. While Sooyoung struggles to pour her heart out. 

Jinsoul’s love for her is a constant shower, never ending and hard to ignore. Sooyoung wants to drown in it. 

Sooyoung’s love drips.

It’s a slow, unchanging drip. 

Just as endless as the downpour.

“You’re too good for me Jung Jinsoul.” 

“Oh shut up.” Jinsoul leans away from her entirely and takes both hands to cup Sooyoung’s face. She leans into the blonde’s touch and is close to begging to be held this gentle forever. Jinsoul’s thumbs rub across her cheeks, “I could never be too good for you.” Sooyoung doesn’t know how she’ll survive this much affection. The press of Jinsoul’s lips just below her eyes makes Sooyoung feel like she’s close to heaven. “You deserve kindness Sooyoung, I just want to give my all to you.” 

Jinsoul continues to plant what feels like promises against her face. Her lips are warm and every kiss is filled with certainty. Jinsoul’s hands push further back, to where nails scratch at the nape of Sooyoung’s neck, “I’ve always been surrounded by people who love me. I want you to know what it feels like.” 

Sooyoung closes her eyes. She already knows what it feels like. Sooyoung feels it right now.

“I don’t want you to be afraid to feel it.” 

And she used to be scared. 

When Jinsoul first said she wanted this, Sooyoung’s fear was overwhelming. It felt like everything at once. But now...with Jinsoul right in front of her. Proving time after time that there's nothing to be afraid of as long as she’s here. 

Sooyoung thinks it’ll all be just fine.

~~~~

Using her favorite pink pen, Jinsoul marks yet another box and giggles as she does so. Xiao-jun is lying beside her painting his nails black while humming to the tune on the radio. 

Xiao-jun doesn’t bother looking at her too occupied getting the nail polish out from his cutitles. “Okay...what are you teeheeing about? It's totally giving me the creeps.” Jinsoul’s lying on her tummy continuing to scribble on the paper she was so focused on. Xiao-jun glances over when he doesn’t get an answer and finds Jinsoul swinging her feet in the air and everything.

She looks love sick, lip biting, rosy cheeks and a smile that can’t be held back. Jinsoul’s basically vibrating next to him. He turns on his side and investigates what exactly Jinsoul was doing and gasps when he sees all the little questions and check boxes. 

After calculating a strategy, Xiaojun quickly, but carefully snatches it out of Jinsoul’s grasp. Jumping out of the blonde’s bed he ignores the whine of protest and scans over the words...it’s...it’s a “are you for real Jinsoul? A heart-throb quiz?” Xiaojun wishes he wasn’t so nosey because this is making him want to gag. “Since when are you such a cornball?” 

Jinsoul struggles to crawl out of her bed, careful not to wrinkle any of her expensive silk sheets she just bought. She also has her matching pink silk pajamas on that Xiaojun couldn’t help but make fun of when he first saw them on her. “My god, give me a break!” Jinsoul flawlessly rolls from her bed to snatch the paper from his hands. 

“Come on, you gotta admit this is a little weird...I mean you used to hate these things!” Jinsoul glares at him and Xiaojun only shrugs his shoulders. 

“Oh whatever, I never give you shit when you think you're in love when a guy gives you any amount of attention for more than five seconds!” Jinsoul argues, holding the paper close to her chest like it was something to be treasured. 

Xiaojun gasps, “so not cool Jinsoul.” His best friend only turns her head away. Dramatic as always. She didn’t have to take it that far but Xiaojun guesses he shouldn’t have bugged her about her silly quiz. “Listen I’m sorry I called you a cornball it was a cultural shock okay?” 

Jinsoul’s lip juts out pitifully and she nods apologizing, “sorry that you're a whore.” 

“HEY!” He goes to physically assault Jinsoul but remembers the last time he did the blonde beat his ass. Xiaojun just rips the paper back out of her hands and holds it up in the air out of reach from Jinsoul. The blonde hops and cries for him to give it back. Xiaojun shakes his head, “apologize.” Jinsoul gives him  _ that  _ look, the one she uses to get anything she wants(it works 99% of the time), “nuh uh the puppy eye stuff don’t work on me.” 

Jinsoul groans and steps back, Xiaojun hopes he doesn’t have to deal with a mini-temper tantrum. “I’m sorry.”

“Like you mean it.”

The blonde’s lips curve into a scowl and Xiaojun knows he’s won. “I’m sorry Xiaojun. Truly from the bottom of my heart.” Feeling victorious he hands the paper back to Jinsoul who squeals when her prized possession is returned. 

“Who’d you get?” Xiaojun asks, he’s still nosey because duh, Jinsoul’s always manages to bag a total hunks, surely the quiz was the same case. Jinsoul goes quiet however and glances down at the page.

Jinsoul seems hesitant to answer so Xiaojun sneaks over and looks at some of the questions. They’re typical...but handwritten. Like Jinsoul made the quiz herself. Something is fishy about the whole thing so Xiaojun pulls the paper out of her now shaking hands for the third time, except he doesn’t get the fight like the previous two attempts.

Turning it around his jaw drops when all the results are all one person.

_ Ha Sooyoung.  _

Jinsoul made the quiz herself. 

“God you really are a cornball!” Jinsoul goes into survival mode while Xiaojun smiles in shock. 

“Ugh as if!” The paper is ripped from him and Jinsoul goes to put it under her desk. There’s some sort of curtain hiding what is underneath it and Xiaojun can’t help but nervously laugh when it’s all revealed to him. It’s like a shrine kind of. 

Jinsoul frantically tries to shove the paper in and close back the curtain but the damage is already done. Xiaojun is sinking into a void of second-hand embarrassment. “There’s no way. There’s no way this is happening.” He mumbles to himself, still frozen like stone as Jinsoul tidies up her Sooyoung sanctuary.

“Will you chill you’re making me feel like a major freakazoid.” Jinsoul tries to joke but it falls flat because she knows it’s weird, well not to her but she can see why it could be to other people. Jinsoul’s never been this way over anyone else. 

Xiaojun shakes himself from the trance he was in and slowly makes his way back over to the curtain, ripping it open. Jinsoul’s entire face turns red. She isn’t a stalker or anything but she kept things from almost every outing she and Sooyoung has been on. Xiaojun picked up the receipt from that time she bought Sooyoung lipstick. Jinsoul’s a keepsake kind of girl. She can’t help it, “this some misery by Stephen king type obsessed.” Xiaojun turns to her, dramatics in full effect, “Jinsoul this is crazy bitch behavior, babe this isn’t you.” 

“Okay...you’re taking it too far.” 

Shaking his head, his smile slowly grows. He may be picking on her a bit because none of this can be compared to the stuff he’s done. Jinsoul’s only got her diary and pictures hidden down here. Mostly of Sooyoung and some of them together. It’s cute, but a bit worrying because...well Xiaojun remembers the last time Sooyoung was the topic of the conversation.

It wasn’t good. In fact, Jinsoul was highly upset and Xiaojun assumed she had moved on from then. He was disappointed of course because he knew how good they would be together and seeing this has given him hope back. “So like, you let her freak again?”

Xiaojun didn’t think it was possible for Jinsoul’s cheeks to get redder, “get real, I’m not that easy.” Xiaojun only raises his brows, sure Jinsoul wasn’t easy but with Sooyoung that could be an entirely different story. Jinsoul gets the hint and sighs with frustration, “no Xiaojun I didn’t do it with Sooyoung!”

“But you’re not telling me something.” Xiaojun argues and Jinsoul’s eyes shoot to the ceiling. Jinsoul has never been a good liar, if a liar at all. The girl has only ever known honesty. Xiaojun lays on his tummy, resting his chin on his palms, “okay spill. Tell me what’s going on.” Jinsoul goes to talk but Xiaojun interrupts with one last thing, “and no beating around the bush I want to know everything, even the grody details.”

After a moment, and a sigh that lasts for minutes, Jinsoul gives in. “Pinky promise you won’t say anything.” Xiaojun holds his out and Jinsoul latches her to it. Squeezing it lightly a blush spreads across her cheeks. She leans her head back onto the wall behind her and thinks for a few moments, maybe even minutes before she whispers out in a dreamy tone. “I think we’re dating.” Jinsoul is all teeth, her cheeks raising up to her eyes, Xiaojun can’t help but smile with her.

“No way.” Xiaojun teases.

“Yes way.” Jinsoul replies back and hugs her knees to her chest. Xiaojun has never experienced Jinsoul this shy before. The blonde is staring at the floor, her eyes full of warmth. Xiaojun watches as Jinsoul tangles the bottom of her pajamas between her fingers. “It’s so...god I don’t even know how to describe it, the way I feel when I’m with her.” 

Xiaojun snorts, “I’m guessing you all made up after the...ya know.” 

Jinsoul grimaces at the memory but it doesn’t bring the smile off her face. “Yeah I think it’s safe to say we worked it out a lot better than I expected.” Jinsoul mumbles to herself really. She’s lost in her own little world now. Probably Sooyoung-land. Xiaojun swears he can hear Jinsoul’s heartbeat from where he’s laying. 

“Do you love her?”

And it’s so obvious. Especially the way Jinsoul’s breath hitches and her eyes go black. Pupils blowing out the darker color of her irises. “Me loving that loser? Pfft yeah right.” Jinsoul tries to lie but the rasp to her voice says otherwise.

“Maybe a little bit?” 

Xiaojun pushes and Jinsoul cracks. He’s never seen the girl who he’s known for years so vulnerable. Not even in her weakest moments she’s held onto some sort of strength. But the glint in her eyes, the uncertainty is something Xiaojun isn’t familiar with. “Promise to not make fun of me?” 

He holds out his pinky and Jinsoul hesitates before locking hers into his, “of course Soul, you know you can trust me.”

She’s chewing on her bottom lip when she whispers out, “I love her so much.” The confession makes Xiaojun raise his brows, “and I’m really scared I’m gonna do something to mess it up.” Raising up to his knees he pulls Jinsoul into a tight hug. Jinsoul hugs back and sniffs, “when I wake up in the morning the first thing I think is ‘I hope Sooyoung still likes me’.”

“What if I wake up one day, and it was all just a dream?” Jinsoul never knew that love was filled with so much uncertainty. That one day Sooyoung could not want her anymore. That someday, Sooyoung could be only a bittersweet memory and Jinsoul’s left with the pieces. It was a gamble. A gamble that Jinsoul was willing to risk it all for. 

If she could have this feeling forever, she wouldn’t mind gambling her heart for it. 

As long as Sooyoung asks, Jinsoul will give her heart to her, even if she breaks it. 

“You won’t mess anything up Soul.” He rubs the tension out of Jinsoul’s shoulders and wishes he could explain just how perfect she is. 

Jinsoul’s always been perfect. 

But she isn’t immune to mistakes.

“As long as you love her you won’t mess anything up.” Jinsoul doesn’t know if she believes that or not. But for now all she can do is hope and pray nothing goes wrong.

However, with the way things are going right now, Jinsoul has no doubt that she’ll be leaving the dream that Sooyoung is anytime soon.

Xiaojun leans back, curiosity in his eyes. “Okay now I want all the details.” Jinsoul’s cheeks go hotter and she darts her eyes to the side. 

Everytime she thinks of Sooyoung she gets all giddy. Xiaojun goes to sit beside her and waits for her to answer and Jinsoul quietly admits what's constantly on her mind, “Xiaojun…” He tilts his head, letting Jinsoul know he’s all ears, “she’s such a good kisser.”

They stare at each other for a few seconds before hitting the floor. Both squealing and kicking their feet up in the air. Xiaojun has never really had the privilege of having girls talk with Jinsoul...since the blonde hated talking about anything relating to men. Now he feels like his head is going to be talked off, but Xiaojun can’t bring himself to mind at all. 

~~~~

“Will you let me play already? I'm getting bored!” Jinsoul has done nothing but whined for the last hour. They were currently huddled up against the Super Mario Bros arcade and Jinsoul was itching to just...push Sooyoung off that stupid chair she was sitting in so she could have a go at it. 

But the girl just had to be excellent at mastering anything she put her hands on and Jinsoul watches in awe and a _ bit of jealousy _ as Sooyoung flows through the game like nothing. “Gimmie a second princess.” Sooyoung mumbles out, continuing to play and ignore Jinsoul’s pleading. 

The blonde’s eye twitches, “you said that five minutes ago. It’s been like a bazillion seconds now.” 

“Actually just three-hundred.” Sooyoung hums nonchalantly.

If Jinsoul knew for sure if they were dating she would have broken up with Sooyoung in the half-second she decided to open her mouth. “Okay smartass you’re done.” Jinsoul seethes and pushes Sooyoung’s hands from the controls. The older girl doesn’t even have time to react before the blonde is crawling into her lap.

Sooyoung sits back, arms wide with her eyebrows raised as Jinsoul gets comfortable on top of her. The blonde giggles menacingly before picking up where Sooyoung left off. “This isn’t fair.” Sooyoung says...although it’s not really the truth. She doesn’t know who was winning more, Jinsoul who was finally getting to play or her...who had become Jinsoul’s own gaming seat. 

Blushing, Sooyoung lets it happen without an argument and tries to figure out what to do with her hands. They hover around Jinsoul awkwardly before she presses them flat against the blonde’s shoulders. The silk button up is soft against Sooyoung’s hands, but she knows what’s softer...Sooyoung would rather not be slapped however. 

“Will you just...stop being weird and hold onto me or I’m gonna fall.” Sooyoung’s face heats up even more as she hesitantly wraps herself around Jinsoul’s small waist. Now that they’re balanced at least no falling will happen...physically at least. Sooyoung’s not too confident her heart won’t come tumbling down to her stomach.

Saving herself from the embarrassment, since people are starting to watch because Jinsoul doesn’t know how to be quiet when she does literally anything, Sooyoung presses the side of her face into the soft fabric that's between the blonde’s shoulders. “You’re gonna kill me one of these days.” Sooyoung whispers out but she’s not so sure Jinsoul had heard since she’s so into the game. She doesn’t mind though, Jinsoul was too cute for her own good.

Closing her eyes, Sooyoung smiles to herself and squeezes Jinsoul a little tighter. She’s never felt like this in her whole life, safe and comfortable while at the same time on the verge of passing out with how much her heart was fluttering. Her tummy is in pieces, Sooyoung has no idea how she’s gonna win this bet they have going.

She can’t say it outloud, but she thinks she’s badly in love with Jung Jinsoul. 

First, she needed the courage to tell Jinsoul she's going to LA...maybe even ask her to go too. But Sooyoung doesn’t understand boundaries, she doesn’t even know if she really wants Jinsoul to go. Right now everything is just so good and she’s scared she’ll mess it up at any second.

It’s still kind of strange, this thing they have going on. Nothing’s really changed from before. Sooyoung still doesn’t have the confidence to kiss Jinsoul that much. And Jinsoul doesn’t know when to kiss her back. Sooyoung is confused and left wanting more without knowing how to get it. She’s dancing around Jinsoul with uncertainty.

Sooyoung wants her just as bad, if not more than before. 

But everytime she tries to talk about her feelings it’s like something gets caught up in her throat, forcing her to silence. All she does know is let's Jinsoul make the first moves...whenever she decides to and the blonde’s been cautious. Probably in the effort of trying to not run her off.

Sooyoung’s never been in such a relationship where she wants more instead of less. Whenever a girl would try to get closer to her she’d push them away as quickly as they tried. Sooyoung has never wanted the dates or the long talks where she tells all her secrets. She’s never wanted the affection or to be cared about. 

She’s never wanted to tell anyone who she is. It’s always been surface level for her. Sooyoung liked to be the one that was needed. Liked to be the one in control. Liked not having feelings and attachment to all her past lovers.

With Jinsoul, everything she’s done, everything she knows, it’s far behind her now. Because she’s the one that needs Jinsoul. The blonde treats her good...so good and really she’s overwhelmed with how much Jinsoul cares about her.

Sooyoung doesn’t know what it’s like to be loved.

But...Jinsoul’s an excellent teacher. 

“Sooyoung I can’t beat it.” 

Sooyoung wakes up from the sound of the husky voice and peeks around Jinsoul’s body. The blonde’s stuck on a level. Lifting one of Jinsoul’s arms up, Sooyoung rests it over her own shoulders, while leaning closer to the game. She keeps Jinsoul close by holding onto her hip. “You up for a little teamwork?” Sooyoung asks but she’s not really looking for an answer, before Jinsoul can even speak she’s going through with the plan she has, “okay so listen carefully.” Jinsoul is about to argue but Sooyoung beats her to it, rubbing the hip she was holding, “nuh uh be quiet, do the jump button and press it when I tell you.” Jinsoul frowns and Sooyoung wishes she could kiss it away, hypnotized by the shade of pink on the blonde’s lips.

“Whatever.”

It surprises Sooyoung that Jinsoul does listen. While she moves mario around, Jinsoul slams her palm on the jump button whenever Sooyoung mumbles it out. However, at one point, Jinsoul’s so distracted she forgets. 

The last life...it’s game over...Sooyoung’s score is, “ah Jung Jinsoul I said jump!” 

Jinsoul stands, leaving Sooyoung oddly lighter, she misses the weight already… “I most definitely did!” Sooyoung looks down at her empty lap and back at Jinsoul who was turning red in the face. She’s lying.

“Uh no you didn’t or we wouldn’t have died!”

Eyes narrow at her so Sooyoung does the same. Their staredown lasts for ages but Jinsoul is the loser. Frustrated she turns her cheek, “So what? I forgot to push jump. It's not like the end of the world.” 

“My score…” Sooyoung sadly reminds her, it could have been the record or something. Or she could have beaten it in a world record time. 

Jinsoul glares at her, mouth working faster than her mind. “Oh my god you are such a dweeb who cares about your lame ass score.” 

Sooyoung gasps, hurt, offended. “I care.” She turns away and crosses her arms, “I care Jinsoul.” 

She can hear Jinsoul behind her rethinking her actions. Sooyoung purses her lips to hold back her smile of victory. Jinsoul is shuffling her feet and it does take way longer than Sooyoung wanted it to for the girl to apologize. “Babe you know I didn’t mean that.” Sooyoung’s smile is unattainable but she doesn’t want to forgive Jinsoul just yet, “you know how I am.”

Boy does Sooyoung know. Jinsoul’s stubborn, hot headed and a sore loser. But god does she like it. Sooyoung gives Jinsoul the side eye, “say you’re sorry.” 

Jinsoul rolls her eyes, “ha, yeah right.” 

Sooyoung slowly stands then and towers over Jinsoul. Jinsoul visibly gulps as Sooyoung stalks closer, “want to rethink that one princess?” Jinsoul grumbles at the nickname, Sooyoung says it only to get on the blonde’s nerves. “Go on, apologize.”

Jinsoul holds her chest out in an attempt to look brave, ”make me.” But the closer Sooyoung gets, Jinsoul’s stature begins to crumble and she walks backward with every step Sooyoung takes toward her.

There’s a dark blush on the blonde’s cheeks when Sooyoung’s only a breath away. “I’m waiting Jinsoul.” Sooyoung knows she can be intimidating even to someone as fearless as Jinsoul. 

Jinsoul is backed into the wall now and Sooyoung waits, it doesn’t take long until the mumbled words reach her ears. “I’m...sorry.” 

She hears it, but Sooyoung would prefer it to be louder. “Hmm what was that?” She leans into Jinsoul and the blonde sighs shakily.

“I’m sorry Sooyoung.” 

Straightening back up she reaches out to pat on Jinsoul’s head, “good girl.” Jinsoul’s hair is soft and Sooyoung finds herself soothing out the top of the blonde’s head. Jinsoul’s sometimes styles her hair in crazy ways, but today it’s only loosely curled. “How does it feel this good?” Sooyoung mostly says to herself, although it causes Jinsoul to blush even deeper. 

Sooyoung’s hand is pushed away and she shakes herself out of the daze she was falling into. Jinsoul is holding her wrist tightly and warns her, “stop that.” Sooyoung could admit that she was getting a little carried away, but without all the aquanet that Jinsoul often uses it’s close to silk. 

Ignoring Jinsoul she begins to stroke her hair again. Jinsoul grumbles out something, too low for Sooyoung to understand. Smiling to herself she decides to tease Jinsoul. Leaning down the slightest bit, Sooyoung gets eye level with Jinsoul before lowering her voice, “you know you like it when I give you all this attention.” 

Jinsoul’s ears slowly turn red and Sooyoung knows to run when the blonde tilts her head down, creating a menacing aura in the matter of seconds. She’s chased around the arcade and Sooyoung can’t be bothered by all the stares. Used to she’d get embarrassed about this kind of thing. Hated if anyone saw her letting loose like this.

She’s having fun. 

Sooyoung doesn’t have the time to be so reserved anymore. Not when she’s this happy. She’s running Jinsoul in circles, darting behind games and shooting in between them. Sooyoung doesn’t even realize how loud she’s laughing. 

Walking backwards from Jinsoul, Sooyoung catches her breath. The blonde’s stature is small, but Sooyoung won’t deny how imposing she is. “When I catch you…” Jinsoul glares at her and Sooyoung can just imagine the trouble she’d be in if Jinsoul was only a bit faster.

“But you won’t.” Sooyoung teases, “because you’re too slow.” Jinsoul huffs and Sooyoung brings her finger and her thumb in the shape of an L before displaying it on her forehead. Jinsoul pauses in her step and her eyes narrow, so Sooyoung sticks out her tongue too.

Although she was mocking Jinsoul, the blonde smiles and Sooyoung doesn’t understand why until she collides with someone behind her. Almost tripping, she turns around to someone as formidable as Jinsoul. It’s Taeyong the grouchy and kind of prissy manager of the arcade. Jinsoul’s other arch nemesis that she often annoys. Sooyoung thought it was entertaining to see the two clash. 

“No running in the arcade.” Sooyoung's mind draws to a blank and her mouth hangs open. She doesn’t exactly wanna apologize, but she doesn’t want to tell him off either. Jinsoul sees her chance to pounce and suddenly a heavy force hangs onto Sooyoung’s shoulder’s.

Jinsoul clings to her from behind, wrapping her arms around Sooyoung. Jinsoul’s arms cross at her chest and Sooyoung’s locked into the embrace. Leaning back into Jinsoul she can’t keep her smile from growing. Jinsoul rests her chin onto Sooyoung’s shoulder and begins to take up for her, “boooo you’re no fun. We were just playing.”

Taeyong crosses his arms, “whatever, just don’t break anything.” Jinsoul repeats what he says in a mocking voice. The taller boy only rolls his eyes before walking off to the back again. 

“Ugh, I wish Yoojung was working,” Jinsoul groans. Sooyoung shivers a bit since it’s right against her ear and she soon realizes how close Jinsoul is. Trying to break free, Jinsoul giggles evilly and holds onto her tightly. “Nuh uh you’re not going anywhere.” 

Sooyoung’s ‘punishment’ is a cheek kiss, or multiple. She squeals as Jinsoul attempts to continue her assault. Sooyoung wrestles against Jinsoul’s embrace, her sneakers sliding on the gaudy arcade carpet. Jinsoul presses her up against an arcade game and Sooyoung stretches to escape warm lips that she secretly wishes were on hers. Holding Jinsoul off by her shoulders Sooyoung turns each cheek away when the blonde tries to smooch them. 

Jinsoul stops all of the sudden and Sooyoung forgets that she was acting that she didn’t want such a thing. Staring at Jinsoul she shyly asks, “why’d you stop?” Jinsoul’s still hugging her but her eyes are set on something behind her. Sooyoung starts to get curious and goes to turn to see what’s got Jinsoul interested in something other than her.

However, Jinsoul spins her away and Sooyoung’s left to pout at the sudden loss of warmth. Jinsoul may be an attention seeker, but Sooyoung’s just as bad now. 

The game she was pressed against was none other than Q*bert and Jinsoul is waiting for something. Sooyoung shuffles up beside her, making sure her shoulder was touching Jinsoul’s. As they’re waiting...for whatever it is, Sooyoung sneaks a glance at Jinsoul. Her jawline is tight and Sooyoung is beginning to drool over how attractive Jinsoul is. 

Her imagination begins to wander off and Sooyoung’s not really paying any mind to anything but Jinsoul. The blonde narrows her eyes at the screen and Sooyoung can feel her jaw drop in awe.  _ Her eyelashes are so long… _ Sooyoung bites down on her lip in an effort to not look like a complete idiot, but she’s afraid that there’s nothing that can save her when Jinsoul’s this pretty.

“You suck?”

Bumping her shoulder against Jinsoul she finds herself nodding along to the words, “I can, if you want me too.” 

Jinsoul’s eyes snap towards hers, “no you pervert the high score, it says yves sucks.” Sooyoung blushes slightly out of embarrassment and turns her attention towards the screen. Sure enough, after a moment of waiting, the high score of 58,497 appears and the score holder is  _ Yves suxs.  _ It’s definitely not a big score, that could easily be beaten. 

Sooyoung wonders who would do such a thing and narrows her eyes skeptically at Jinsoul. “And you’re telling me you’re not the one who did this?” 

“No and that’s the problem!” 

She’s surprised by how genuinely upset Jinsoul is, “awe babe I’m touched, to think you didn’t care.” Sooyoung uses a playful tone, although she really feels as if she may faint. 

Jinsoul glances up at the ceiling, a sure sign that she’s about to lie. “As if, I’m mad because I’m the only one who can say you suck.” Sooyoung lets it slide of course, knowing if she called Jinsoul out she’d be in a world of hurt. She knows what Jinsoul truly thinks of her, even before they became lovers.

“Uh huh, but we both know it’s not true.” Sooyoung sighs and nudges Jinsoul away from the game. Beginning to play she turns to wink at the girl, “because I’m the best.” 

Jinsoul stares at her with one raised brow. Watching as Sooyoung works her magic, easily racking up points. It doesn’t take long for Sooyoung to surpass the measly score and she only keeps going to make sure no one beats her anytime soon. 

When Sooyoung gets bored of playing she sabotages the score and smirks as she hears a frustrated grumble next to her. The listing for the new high score shows up and Sooyoung bumps her shoulder into Jinsoul’s, “I’ll dedicate this one to my biggest fan.” Typing in  _ barbie  _ the grumpling gets angier. 

“You are so…” Jinsoul grits through her teeth but doesn’t finish her thought.

Standing up straight from where she was hovering over the control panel, Sooyoung leans onto the arcade in the smoothest way possible. Oozing with what she calls confidence and what Jinsoul thinks is arrogance. “I know, you think I’m cool and super hot, I get it.” Sooyoung teases before brushing her hair back with her fingers, “I can teach you how to get good like me, but I’d have to charge.” 

Jinsoul raises both of her hands, hovering them around Sooyoung’s neck. She thinks she may be strangled but Jinsoul resists the urge to do so and begins to straighten out her t-shirt. “Yeah right, how do you know I haven’t been watching you this whole time.” Sooyoung glances down at Jinsoul’s hands, which were still smoothing out her shirt. “All your moves...what you’re not so good at.” 

Sooyoung bites at her lips before meeting Jinsoul’s stare, “Is that right?” Jinsoul is holding her smile back as she nods, her eyes holding a glint that tells Sooyoung that she’s up to no good. Sooyoung decides she wants to play along and leans forward into Jinsoul’s personal space. “I can show you more secret moves of mine...if you’d like.” 

Jinsoul’s eyes slowly narrow as she catches onto what Sooyoung was saying, “in your dreams.” 

She laughs at how flustered Jinsoul sounds and doesn’t notice the trio stalking behind her. Sooyoung was just too into Jinsoul to pay attention to anyone else. When Jinsoul smiles at her, nothing else exists. 

“Well well well, if it isn’t Ha Sooyoung.”

Sooyoung’s smile drops, Jinsoul usually doesn’t allow her to flirt this much without putting a stop to it so the interruption is more annoying than it appears to be. Turning she becomes even more irked when she discovers who it is. 

Jinsoul cuddles up behind her looking over her shoulder at the three, “Babe, who’s this geek squad?” 

Sooyoung crosses her arms, “just some nobodies.” Jinsoul brows raise, shocked at the cold tone that Sooyoung was using. Sooyoung admits that Jinsoul has always seen the much softer side of her, since she’s always liked the girl even from the beginning.

“We’re not nobodies, we are team triple threat...who were champions of PTTG until-”

“Until I beat all three of you. By a lot.” 

Sooyoung ignores Jinsoul’s curious stare because she’s rather embarrassed with how she’s associated with a bunch of dweebs. “What’s ptt...um j?” 

Jinsoul asks the question loud enough for them to hear and Sooyoung doesn’t have the chance to answer before the leader of the trio mansplains. “FYI, It’s a G at the end. Power to the geek, it’s a gaming tournament held at the mall arcade every month.” 

Sooyoung flushes red as the corners of Jinsoul’s lips begin to twitch. “You went to gaming tournaments?” 

Turning away from Jinsoul’s mischievous gaze Sooyoung mumbles out, “yeah...before these sore losers banned me from it. That’s why I started coming here to play because I didn’t wanna run into them at the arcade anymore.” 

“Because you were clearly cheating!”

“I was not!”

The leader snarls his nose up pointing his finger in Sooyoung’s face, “yes you was, there is no possible way a girl is that good at video games.” 

Before Sooyoung can retaliate Jinsoul’s pushing her to the side and smacking at the guys hand. “Ugh get real you freaking troglodyte, you’re just pissy because you got your ass handed to you in front of all your dweeb friends by a girl...who by the way is good at games, probably the best.” 

“Like you even know what we’re talking about. I know girls like you, all you know is boys, makeup and shopping.” Sooyoung rolls her eyes as the three slap hands at the ‘ _ sick burn _ ’ he just laid on Jinsoul. But she knows Jinsoul’s temper is boiling by the way her eyes are starting to twitch. “Go play with your dolls or whatever.” 

“Puh-lease as if a girl has ever talked to you for you to know that, and news flash you can’t live in your mom's basement for the rest of your life and at least I know how to wash my ass. I can smell the cheese curdling all the way over here barf face.” Jinsoul mutters loud enough for him to hear and Sooyoung stifles a laugh. 

His face is getting all read and he starts to run out of things to say, “bitch.”

“I bet you got doody stains in your undies.”

It’s back and forth like this for minutes. Jinsoul tears into him as he scrambles for the uninspired, sexist remarks. Sooyoung begins to grow tired of it, hates that she has to watch Jinsoul get insulted even if it wasn’t phasing the blonde. 

“Awe what's the matter, gonna go cry to your mama?” 

“You don’t know how to shut up do you?” Jinsoul doesn’t say anything back, only waits and it confuses Sooyoung. “I bet you’re one of those girls who’s never worked a day in her life because she expects everyone to do everything for her. You’d be so helpless if all your friends and boy toys were to leave you behind.” 

Sooyoung’s smile from before drops but Jinsoul’s remains as the guy continues bash her, “you’d probably croak over and die from the lack of attention.” He starts to smirk, thinking he’s won. “You don’t know what it’s like not depending on everyone because you wouldn’t survive by yourself. What a joke.”

“Do you really think anyone will ever take some spoiled bitch like you seriously?” 

Clenching her jaw, Sooyoung doesn’t even realize she’s rushing over to wail on him but before she reaches his face, he’s already on the floor crying. Jinsoul shakes her fist, that was covered in his nose blood. She winces since she hit so hard.

Sooyoung watches as Jinsoul towers over the boy, who was rocking back and forth on the floor. “Boo hoo, suck it up it’s only a broken nose.” His friends are shaking with fear since they’ve never seen a girl hit like that and both of them trip and stumble as they run out of the arcade. Jinsoul bends down to get closer and looks into his teary eyes, “the difference between you and me, is that I will never kiss a man’s ass to get validation. I’ll be more successful than you could ever dream to be, while you will spend your entire life groveling to get noticed for something that nobody gives a shit about.” 

Yass feminism slay

Jinsoul flips back up as if she didn’t just demolish someone’s soul. Sooyoung stares at her, amazed. Before she can say anything though, the back of Jinsoul’s collar is being lifted up. 

“Alright, you’re done.”

~~~~

“You’re mad at little ol’ me?” 

Sooyoung glances back and forth between Jinsoul and Taeyong, who had practically dragged them out by the collar of their shirts. “No shit, you’re always causing trouble here, it’s bad for business.” 

Jinsoul pouts up at the griping boy, “oh come on, I’m like super fun and those boys we’re being mean to me what was I supposed to do?” Taeyong is all about principle and discipline and Jinsoul is chaos personified. No wonder they clashed so often, but Sooyoung wouldn’t deny that it’s amusing to watch them butt heads. 

“You don’t just go around breaking people's noses Jinsoul! Now there’s blood all up in the carpet tell me how I’m gonna get that out?” Of course, Taeyong wasn’t mad at Jinsoul for fighting the boys, he threw the three out before dealing with them. He was worried about the stains on the carpet that was impossible to clean.

Jinsoul sheepishly looks away, “I don’t know, shampoo it?” 

Taeyong huffs, “and just where am I supposed to get a shampooer.” 

“Duh, at the shampoo store, why are you buggin out? Just leave it, looks like someone spilled ketchup or whatever.” Jinsoul diverges and Sooyoung watches as Taeyong gives up on the argument. He pinches his nose between his fingers before shooing the both of them off. Jinsoul smiles realizing she’s been left off the hook and grabs Sooyoung’s hand. “You’re the best you know, sorry about the mess.” 

Taeyong only glares at her and Jinsoul begins to tug on Sooyoung’s hand as she walks backwards. When they’re a few yards away, Sooyoung hears the boy call out one more time. “Hey, Soul!” Sooyoung’s eyes are only for Jinsoul as the girl turns back to face Taeyong. He isn’t smiling or anything, but his features are relaxed unlike before. “See you tomorrow.” 

Jinsoul brightens like a star and Sooyoung’s frozen in the shining light. “Bye Tae-Tae!” The boy grumbles and turns away, heading back to the arcade. Sooyoung stares at Jinsoul as she waves at Taeyong. 

Although Jinsoul was an unruly, borderline delinquent. It was impossible to not like her. Taeyong was one of the many examples to prove it. Sooyoung wonders how many more people adore Jinsoul in their own way. Sooyoung wonders if anyone adores Jinsoul as much as she does.

Sooyoung squeezes Jinsoul’s hand in her own and gestures back to the retreating boy. “He’s a cool kid.” 

“Who Taeyong?” Jinsoul hums, “not really, he just acts like that.” Jinsoul then looks at her, mischievous glint in her eyes, “he’s secretly a romantic, he’s always reading a novel about true love but don’t tell anyone that.” Sooyoung can’t help but smile, Taeyong sounds a bit like her. 

They walk side by side and Sooyoung studies Jinsoul’s expression. She may be an open book sometimes, but Jinsoul in moments still remains a mystery to Sooyoung.

Jinsoul’s perfected her mask of strength and Sooyoung hasn’t mastered the way of telling when Jinsoul is actually upset or not. 

Like now, as she traces over the curve of Jinsoul’s smile over and over again. She puzzles if it’s forced or not. 

Sooyoung wants Jinsoul to know she can slip the mask off whenever she feels like it. Sooyoung needs Jinsoul to know she can count on her, no matter how scary it is. How uncomfortable it is to show weakness. 

She wants Jinsoul to feel safe enough to show vulnerability. 

“Hey,” Sooyoung wants Jinsoul to count on her, even if it’s the last thing she’ll do. “You okay? He said some pretty harsh things back there.” Jinsoul leans into her, using her free hand to latch onto her upper arm. 

Jinsoul rests her head on Sooyoung’s shoulder before explaining, “I don’t know how many times someone’s tried to tear me down. It just doesn’t work.” Sooyoung wants to know all the times previous to this one. She wants to know if Jinsoul’s always been this headstrong. Sooyoung wants to know if there was a time that Jinsoul was weak. “That back there though? Has never phased me. Boys always have their simple ideas of girls. They think that you and I can’t be sexy  _ and  _ dorks, it's like against the laws of nature to them.” 

Sooyoung smiles down at Jinsoul who was exaggerating her speech, she guesses trivial things wouldn’t bother someone like Jinsoul. “Woah woah woah, did you just admit that I’m sexy?” Jinsoul turns to glare at her and Sooyoung’s smile grows, “and that you’re a dork? Wow in the same sentence too, it must be my lucky day.” 

Jinsoul laughs and Sooyoung’s heart flutters at the melody. “Oh shut it, you’re the one to talk. Miss champion of power to the geeks…” 

Sooyoung blushes at the title and groans, “ugh I know it’s super lame and I’m a loser. You were supposed to never know about that.” Jinsoul would have definitely made fun of her back then. Sooyoung would have still developed a crush on her too...

“You are.” Jinsoul coos, “but you’re the cutest loser ever.” Sooyoung goes all mushy inside especially when Jinsoul reaches up to grab the side of her face, “and you’re my loser.” Sooyoung makes a small noise when Jinsoul’s lips smush against her cheek.

Turning away from warm lips Sooyoung shyly sputters out, “stop it.” It’s too much sometimes, so much it seems like she may die from these feelings. And she’d rather live, so she can spend more time with Jinsoul. 

Jinsoul goes quiet and Sooyoung allows herself to enjoy the peace of the evening. It’s chilly, so Jinsoul huddles up to her closer and the city isn’t as loud as it normally is. She can hear birds chirping around and the sun is just beginning to set. The city glows in a warm light, a stark difference from what it will be like in a few hours. Washed with neon colors and the nightlife. 

Sooyoung hasn’t enjoyed the little things in such a long time and with Jinsoul, everything seems brighter. “Babe?” Sooyoung warms like the evening light at the simple word and she hums to let Jinsoul know she has her attention. “I’m glad they banned you.” Sooyoung doesn’t get it at first, but when she catches Jinsoul’s eyes, she’s sure she might float away. “I would have never met you then.”

Smiling, Sooyoung rests her head on top of Jinsoul’s, continuing to stroll at a slow pace. “Yeah.” 

_ How different would my life be without you. _

“I’m glad they did too.” 

~~~~

Jinsoul left jabs, then swings with her right. Sooyoung sits with her legs dangling off a concrete wall, the city's waterway directly below. “Show me that one again.” Jinsoul throws punches again presenting her very effective self-defense style. 

Sooyoung snorts at the girl and leans back onto her hands. It was late at night by now, they had walked their way through the city as the sun had set. Sooyoung kept claiming that she was lost, going the wrong direction, crossing the wrong streets, just so she didn’t have to take Jinsoul home. But Jinsoul didn’t correct her, in fact, she was the one who started to take the wrong turns. 

“I got a mean left hook you know.” Jinsoul explains before skipping over to her, “so don’t ever test me.” Sooyoung waits for Jinsoul to sit down next to her before scooting closer. 

Taking Jinsoul’s hand, the one that she used to break Sooyoung’s old rival's nose with and begins to examine it. Sooyoung carefully looks for anything serious, but Jinsoul’s knuckles are only slightly bruised. “Hmm, I found it more hot than scary.” 

Jinsoul rolls her eyes as Sooyoung kisses her knuckle once before smirking. “Of course you would, weirdo.” Sooyoung doesn’t take the insult to heart, especially the way Jinsoul’s cheeks are warming. “Ugh I’m still pissed off, those jerks really tried to be mean to you.” 

“Says the one who just called me a weirdo.” Sooyoung teases and Jinsoul deflates in a pitiful manner. “I’m kidding, I know it’s your own little way of flirting.” Jinsoul shakes her head, but a smile sneaks onto her lips. Letting Sooyoung know her theory is most likely true.

“It really does bother me though.” Jinsoul’s voice draws softer, “It’s just...I really appreciate the person you are, so I hate it when people aren't kind to you.” Jinsoul’s words lodge into Sooyoung’s chest and linger. “I don’t- no I won’t let anyone hurt you. Including myself.”

Jinsoul’s afraid of making mistakes. Sooyoung realizes this as the girl sighs next to her. Jinsoul seems nervous. 

She stares at Jinsoul’s profile momentarily, memorizes it all over again. Sooyoung longs for something right in front of her. “Hey, Soul?” Jinsoul looks at her, a questioning brow raised. Something that Sooyoung finds cute. Possibly one of the cutest things Sooyoung’s ever seen. “How do you feel about me?” 

It’s an innocent question, but it’s one that Sooyoung wants something more from. 

Jinsoul’s blinks at her, like it was the dumbest thing she could ever ask. “You know how I feel Ha Sooyoung, I’m fucking crazy about you.” Jinsoul then smiles at her but Sooyoung doesn't return it. “Don’t be silly.” It’s charming, the way Jinsoul winks at her, but it’s an act to hide something else. 

That’s not the answer Sooyoung was searching for.

She knows Jinsoul is confident in how she feels. But she’s afraid to show it, scared that if she shows too much she’ll scare Sooyoung away. 

Jinsoul’s walking on eggshells and Sooyoung can’t let it go on for any longer. 

It isn’t what she wants. 

Reaching for Jinsoul, Sooyoung cups the girl’s chin with her fingers gently. She turns Jinsoul to face her and dark brown eyes shine like glass. Sooyoung doesn’t bother checking around to see if anyone could see them before planting a soft kiss on Jinsoul’s lips. Sooyoung pulls away, her eyes shifting back open the slightest bit. Jinsoul’s lips are still parted. Trembling. 

“S-somebody could be watching.” Jinsoul stutters and Sooyoung’s surprised that she’s worried about such a thing.

Sooyoung tilts her head and presses in again. Jinsoul doesn’t fight it. There’s something in the way Jinsoul kisses her back desperately. “No one else is here, it’s just us.” 

“Anyone could be here.” Jinsoul answers. There’s something in her eyes that Sooyoung doesn’t understand. 

With her thumb pressed into the center of Jinsoul’s chin Sooyoung mumbles, her deepest desires. Her feelings unshrouded. “Is it selfish of me that I want to keep you by my side for forever.” Jinsoul’s eyes flutter close, “I couldn’t leave you alone, even if you asked me to.” 

It’s too good of a thing, that Sooyoung doesn’t like to think about letting Jinsoul go.

She doesn’t know if she’d be able to.

So she’ll make sure that she’ll never have to make that choice.

Sooyoung kisses her again. This time more deeply, with hunger. Like it’ll be their last. Sooyoung’s touch begins to trail slowly up Jinsoul’s jaw, “tell me how you feel.” Her hand flattens out against the side of Jinsoul’s face, “tell me baby do you feel the same?” 

_ Am I everything that you’ve hoped and dreamed of? _

_ Like you are to me? _

_ Are you terrified?  _

Sooyoung doesn’t expect Jinsoul to give in so easily. To break open a shell so tightly closed when she only asked once. “Yes, and it scares me.” The night is dark, quiet. Sooyoung can’t hear a thing. The shadows on Jinsoul’s face makes her look softer. When Sooyoung caresses the curve of Jinsoul’s cheek she feels something damp and realizes that she’s crying. 

This isn’t romance.

Jinsoul tries to make it that. The fluttering feelings and good times. That everything’s so perfect. Sooyoung’s had that time and time before. Interest igniting only to burn out within days. Romance is in the movies, the length of an hour, problems being inconveniences instead of doubts and insecurities. 

And it hurts, seeing Jinsoul like this. When she’s the one that taught Sooyoung that it’s okay to be vulnerable. That it’s okay to cry. This isn’t romance, because Sooyoung sees the parts of Jinsoul that aren't refined. The parts that never reach the surface. Sooyoung finds herself falling in love with every little thing about Jinsoul, only the girl doesn’t know that yet.

That’s why it’s so terrifying. 

Sooyoung understands, she’s been in the same exact place before. The uncertainty is such a gamble. It’s frightening. However, Sooyoung knows how it feels to win.

It’s worth it, moments like these matters especially when all Sooyoung sees is Jinsoul when she thinks of the future. 

“You could break my heart at any second.” Jinsoul’s voice is small and tries to hide her face away in the fabric of Sooyoung’s suit coat. Sooyoung’s needs to see Jinsoul, so she lifts her back up, so that their eyes are even. “The thing that scares me, is that I couldn’t hate you. I couldn’t even begin to be angry if you did.” 

It didn’t make sense to Sooyoung before. Why Jinsoul still gave her the chance after she hurt her. But now Sooyoung understands. 

If Jinsoul were to do the same. 

She couldn’t hate her.

It would be bittersweet, but Sooyoung could never hate her.

“You’re the only person who could ruin me.” Jinsoul struggles to hold onto Sooyoung’s gaze, “That I’d still...that I-”

Jinsoul is unable to finish but Sooyoung doesn’t need the words. With both of her hands cradling Jinsoul’s face Sooyoung asks, “do you not know how much I adore you?” 

Sooyoung squishes Jinsoul’s cheeks in her hands, causing the blonde’s sentence to be muffled. “A girl can dream can’t she?” A smile stretches on Sooyoung’s face and she doesn’t resist the urge that washes over her. Sooyoung kisses Jinsoul over and over again. Her lips become swollen with every connection. 

Breaking the lip lock, Sooyoung stares at Jinsoul. Face still smushed in her hands, eyes scrunched closed. It’s adorable, in a devastating way. Jinsoul’s hands are over her own, the hold is gentle, yet secure. “You don’t have to dream.” Sooyoung shakes her head, laughing to herself. “I’m right here.” Leaning in she nibbles on Jinsoul’s bottom lip before taking it between her own. Jinsoul whimpers and Sooyoung dizzys at the noise before pulling away entirely.

Sooyoung is too caught up in the moment. Her head is blown up to the sky and her heart pounds. She feels drunk almost and makes a promise she can’t keep, “and I’m not going anywhere.” Jinsoul sniffles from where she was crying earlier. “I don’t like you Jinsoul.” The blonde eyebrows upturn and it’s the most pitiful thing Sooyoung’s ever witnessed, “It’s more than that...well has been for a while now.”

Jinsoul closes her eyes for a second and huffs a breath of relief. Sooyoung drops her hands from Jinsoul’s face. Her foot dangling off the edge of the concrete wall knocks into the blonde’s in a playful manner. 

“Is that a confession?” Jinsoul asks before intertwining their fingers.

Sooyoung smirks, lips still tingling yet craving more. “That would be too easy, remember we had a deal for who falls first. I plan on winning.” 

Jinsoul's gaze is soft yet overwhelming, “don’t you know Sooyoung?” She then creeps forward and Sooyoung can do nothing but watch anxiously. Jinsoul’s lips ghost around the tip of her ear and Sooyoung shivers, gripping the ledge with one hand while the one Jinsoul was holding grounds her. Sooyoung’s smiling like an idiot, on cloud nine. Only she’s slipping and she needs a single push to send her over.

Sooyoung never knew she would fall so hard.

“You’ve already won.”

~~~~

The next thing Jinsoul knows is that she’s back at Sooyoung’s place. Her hands fit everywhere, at Sooyoung’s hips, waist, even under her thighs. Kissing Sooyoung is satisfying like finishing a puzzle. Pressing that last piece in the right spot is exactly the way Sooyoung’s lips fit against hers. 

But whenever they pull apart it feels like the puzzle is destroyed and Jinsoul has to begin to put the pieces back together with every kiss all over again. 

Somehow, Sooyoung managed to lead them to the bedroom. Jinsoul’s knee is pressed between Sooyoung’s thighs, her hands bunched into the sheets upholding her weight. Sooyoung tries to pull her down however, just to feel the pressure of it all but Jinsoul would rather keep control. Jinsoul struggles to keep an even mind and steady body, but her limbs begin to tremble.

Sooyoung is making her crumble with every touch. It’s gentle, encouraging in a way, motivating Jinsoul to do more. To kiss harder, to touch there. She can barely think with every little noise Sooyoung makes Jinsoul loses a bit of her senses. They’ve all been overwhelmed by the girl beneath her. Sooyoung’s fingers crawl down her spine, so ghostlike it feels like a memory. But when Sooyoung’s palms squeeze at her waist, Jinsoul’s elbows wobble, she feels it all the way down to her toes.

Jinsoul tilts back, breaking their kiss. Sooyoung’s eyes flutter open and lock with hers less than a second later. It takes Jinsoul breath away, seeing all of Sooyoung’s desire in that single gaze. Jinsoul can’t help but wonder if Sooyoung’s felt this way before, if she’s felt this way with anyone else.

If somebody before her has seen these eyes full of longing, with want turning into need. 

All Jinsoul knows is that she’s never come close to feeling this way with anybody. Sooyoung’s a whole new universe to her and Jinsoul is curious to know all her secrets. All that she wishes for and wants.

Jinsoul wants to be the one to solve the mysteries of Sooyoung.

But first she’s gotta learn the basics. Like how she can make Sooyoung see the stars. Jinsoul’s gonna learn how to make Sooyoung say her name, scream it even, like it’s the only name she’s ever known. 

Jinsoul shifts back and forth, between eyes darker than black before leaning down. Sooyoung squeezes them shut when Jinsoul takes her bottom lip between her own, kissing lightly before biting down. Jinsoul is gifted with a desperate whine that deepens into a moan and she smiles as she moves her lips across Sooyoung's mouth.

They travel against the curve of Sooyoung’s jaw and all the way down to the base of her throat. Jinsoul can feel the vibrations of each noise Sooyoung makes as she nips and kisses there. Sooyoung’s sensitive and Jinsoul feels all bubbly inside. That she’s the one that is causing Sooyoung to tremble and breathe harder.

Her fingers are digging into Jinsoul’s waist, but the blonde doesn’t even notice it. Not when her chest is tight from this intense feeling. 

Jinsoul toys with the bottom of Sooyoung’s shirt, right above her waist. Her fingertips meet the warmth of Sooyoung’s skin. When Jinsoul presses her whole palm to the Sooyoung’s belly the heat is hotter than she expected.

Pulling Sooyoung’s shirt up and over her head Jinsoul allows herself to gawk. Smiling down at her lover, who was beginning to get a little shy Jinsoul’s heart bursts into a thousand tiny explosions. She can’t help but to praise Sooyoung, “you’re so pretty like this.” 

Sooyoung groans above her before throwing an elbow over her eyes. The blush overtaking her features and the flush makes it all the way down to Sooyoung’s chest. Jinsoul laughs at how adorable it is. How she can make a complete mess of Sooyoung by the simplest of gestures.

Jinsoul likes it like this.

Loves that she drives Sooyoung  _ this  _ crazy.

~

Jinsoul’s eyes roam over her and along with the painful ache burning in her tummy blossoms embarrassment.

Sooyoung can’t handle Jinsoul looking at her like  _ that.  _ Especially with those eyes as pretty as they are. Full of emotions, feelings that she used to fear oh so much but now she can’t deny that she craves it. 

Jinsoul is leaning over top of her, toothy yet mischievous grin stretching her lips. She’s wearing a denim skirt, so short that during their match of dominance it had ridden up all the way to her hips. Sooyoung had let her win. 

She’s never liked losing control like this.

Sooyoung’s mouth waters at the site of so much skin, soft to the touch, it’s almost impossible to believe someone’s skin is this soft. Her hands shake as she traces the outline of Jinsoul’s thighs, making a mental mark of how her hips are shaped so perfectly. 

Her heart catches in her throat as she gazes up at Jinsoul her hair hanging like silk from her shoulders. Sooyoung reaches to thread her fingers through it and gasps when it feels like silk as well. Jinsoul is kissing up her tummy now, leaving marks on every inch. 

When she reaches her scar Sooyoung feels time stop. Jinsoul peers up at her, eyes hooded and dark. She doesn’t know if Jinsoul’s being cautious or asking for permission. Sooyoung doesn’t know what to say, let alone what to do. But subconsciously she pulls Jinsoul closer, she needs her to be closer.

Jinsoul understands without the words and kisses around the scar. Her lips press more gently than before and Sooyoung arches. Jinsoul hums into her skin when her stomach dips, making her ribs visible as she stretches into the blondes kisses.

Sooyoung is massaging the back of Jinsoul’s head the whole time. In secret Sooyoung was just keeping her in place. She felt like if she let Jinsoul pull away at all she’d disappear at any second.

It’s out of habit, but she pulls on Jinsoul’s hair particularly hard. Sooyoung can’t help that she’s so sensitive. Jinsoul drags her gaze up, straight into her eyes and Sooyoung forces herself to stare up at the ceiling. 

There’s something about Jinsoul that tears her apart piece by piece. 

“You know, acting shy makes me want you more.” Sooyoung has to close her eyes now, completely focusing on her breathing since it feels like a ten ton weight is being pressed onto her chest. God she likes it so much, being taken cared of when it’s always been the opposite.

Shifting her arm over her face she can feel Jinsoul laugh into her waist. The blonde begins crawling up, their legs getting more tangled as she does so. 

“Stop looking at me like that.”

Jinsoul snorts above her before leaning further on top. Sooyoung is beginning to get addicted to having Jinsoul this close. “How do you know I’m even looking at you?” Sooyoung scrunches her nose up but doesn’t fall for Jinsoul’s trap. She knows the blonde is only teasing her, trying to get her to uncover her eyes.

Heat fans across her cheek before feeling it directly against her ear. Sooyoung subconsciously turns away, shivering as the whole sensation crawls down her spine. “I just...know.” 

Jinsoul lips ghost around the lobe and Sooyoung gasps when teeth scrape across the most sensitive spot. “Do you blame me?” Jinsoul rasps it and Sooyoung’s hands shoot to the blonde’s shoulders. She bunches the fabric of Jinsoul’s shirt within her fists. Jinsoul takes it as a warning pulling away the slightest bit. 

Sooyoung’s eyes are still squeezed shut, “it’s different. I-“ Sooyoung pauses and thinks for a moment. But it’s difficult when Jinsoul’s hand has a tight grip on the curve of her waist. “It’s like you’re peeling me open.”

Jinsoul’s hands travel south, all the way down to her thighs, “I know what I want to peel open.” 

Sooyoung doesn’t know what’s worse, the fact that she likes it when Jinsoul flirts with her so shamelessly or that when her eyes had shot open the blonde bursted into laughter. 

The magic isn’t gone, but most of Sooyoung’s nervousness is history. Jinsoul knew how to make light of a heavy feeling, to make her comfortable even when her stomach was in knots. “Quit, I’m being serious!”

Jinsoul wipes a stray tear from her eye and smiles down at her. Sooyoung’s heart begins to race and she’s stuck without the words again. It was just so easy to lose herself in that smile.

Thankfully Jinsoul breaks the daze that Sooyoung was in and flops on top of her. Sooyoung huffs from the added weight but instantly feels all fuzzy inside. Jinsoul is resting right below her chin, her face pressing against her chest. 

Her heart is going crazy and Sooyoung knows Jinsoul hears every beat. Instead of letting it freak her out, Sooyoung embraces the idea of Jinsoul knowing just how bad she has it.

Wrapping her arms around Jinsoul’s back, Sooyoung snuggles her close. Sooyoung’s content like this, lying in the silence with Jinsoul. It doesn’t scare her like it would with anyone else.

Sooyoung caresses whenever she can reach and after several moments she believes Jinsoul’s fallen asleep. It’s amusing...since the fact that just seconds ago the blonde was eating her alive with a single stare.

“No one has ever looked at me the way you do.” Sooyoung says it more to herself than Jinsoul. She barely reacts and Sooyoung is convinced she’s fallen asleep.

“I don't believe that.”

Jinsoul’s voice rings out and Sooyoung's smile grows wide. Brushing Jinsoul’s hair with her fingers she mumbles, “it’s the truth.” She tries to reassure Jinsoul. Sooyoung doesn’t know if there’s words that even exist to describe the way she feels for her.

The girl on top begins to stir and Sooyoung grumbles as Jinsoul raises up. She already misses the warmth and she doesn’t like the challenging glint in Jinsoul’s eyes. “Oh come on Sooyoung, you’re telling me no ones ever drooled over you before?” 

Sooyoung shakes her head, “I’m not saying that Jinsoul. Of course they have.” Jinsoul's expression becomes grumpy from what Sooyoung believes to be jealousy. It’s adorable, she can’t deny that but she’d be lying if the heat from before wasn’t reignited. Jinsoul wants her all to herself, and Sooyoung doesn’t have a problem with it. In secret she likes it more than she would want to admit. The blonde then flops back on top of her clearly sulking, Sooyoung is unable to keep the smile off her face however, “I feel like no one sees me like you do.” 

Her past lovers have only fallen for the idea of her, who she could be. While some girls did break through to her, seeing her in her worst and still wanted her. They never really understood her like Jinsoul has. 

And too, Jinsoul was one of a kind to Sooyoung. 

She was crazy about her from the beginning. 

As they lay together, Sooyoung cradles Jinsoul’s head to her chest. Jinsoul’s touch tickles her, from her sides to her hips. Soon enough, fingertips brush across her scar again and Sooyoung squirms. However Jinsoul remains quiet like she always has when it comes to the mark on Sooyoung’s skin.

Jinsoul’s palm smooths over it and Sooyoung allows herself to sink into the feeling. “Why have you never asked?” She whispers it and Jinsoul continues to massage the jagged scar. Almost everyone who has seen it has poked and prodded at Sooyoung. Jinsoul doesn’t exactly ignore it, but she doesn’t acknowledge it either.

She remembers the first time Jinsoul had seen it in the flesh, after the mansion when Sooyoung had bruised from bumping into a counter in the same place. Jinsoul had known her well enough even then, just with a single lock of their eyes that it was something Sooyoung never talked about. 

“I want you to tell me when you feel like it.” Jinsoul answers and of course Sooyoung should have already known. “Not just because I asked you.” Jinsoul may act selfish but the blonde was one of the most considerate people Sooyoung’s ever met. “So when you’re ready, you can tell me all your secrets.” 

Sooyoung pushes them both up, to the point where Jinsoul is kneeling in front of her. Sooyoung drags her hands up Jinsoul’s waist and underneath her shirt. Her skin is softer here, warmer. Jinsoul’s stare is wavering, it’s a slip of confidence, her own version of vulnerability.

Raising the front of Jinsoul’s shirt up Sooyoung kissing right above her hip. Jinsoul’s weakness is she needs reassurance constantly even if she preaches that she doesn’t. Sooyoung will make sure she gets it no matter what. She doesn’t want Jinsoul to ever doubt this, or her ever again. Sooyoung won’t make Jinsoul depend on her, but she’ll never let her feel lonely. 

“Tell me what you need, baby.” Jinsoul hands come to hold each side of her face and Sooyoung kisses the palms of them, “I want to make you feel good, as good as you make me feel.”

Jinsoul bites her lip and blushes. Sooyoung thinks she’s the winner here. No one sees Jinsoul like she does. She’s the only one that has this with her.

“Show me how?”

It’s Jinsoul’s turn to glance up at the ceiling embarrassed. But with the way Jinsoul grips at her hair, Sooyoung knows the answer is yes. It’s always been yes with Jinsoul. 

So she’ll give Jinsoul what she wants.

Sooyoung will give her everything she wants.

~~~~

Jinsoul’s breath is uneven and Sooyoung lays across from her, eyeing the sweat dripping down from her jaw to her throat. 

“What are you thinking about?” 

Sooyoung asks and her voice is raspy from overuse. Jinsoul laughs before biting down on her lip, “thinking about how I wanna do it again.” 

Her gaze lingers on Jinsoul’s swollen lips, it’s distracting. “We’ve already done it twice. Aren’t you tired?” Jinsoul is lying on her back, arms stretched out above her head. 

She turns to Sooyoung, brown eyes no longer dark with lust. “I can’t get enough of you, I want more.” Sooyoung’s fingers crawl against the mess of sheets and find their way into Jinsoul’s hair. Brushing back the loose strands and wiping the sweat from her hair line, Sooyoung stares, it’s the only thing she can do. “Is that...okay?” Jinsoul asks shyly, like she’s overstepping a boundary. Sooyoung’s okay with it. More than okay. She wants Jinsoul to challenge her in as many ways possible. Be it emotionally, or moments of intimacy like this.

Her touch travels to Jinsoul’s ear and Sooyoung teasingly tugs at it, “it’s perfectly fine, but I need a minute I, you’re very good at...ya know.”  _ A little too good,  _ so much Sooyoung might be in trouble. It’s embarrassing that Jinsoul’s already learned her body better than anyone else has. Not that Sooyoung’s ever really given anyone the chance. 

Jinsoul leans up onto her elbow, a cheeky grin playing across her lips, “are you saying that I’m the best you’ve ever had?” Sooyoung rolls her eyes at the mischievous tone that Jinsoul uses. What’s worse is that it’s the truth.

Reaching higher, she spreads her fingers across the back of Jinsoul’s neck and pulls down, “like you don’t already know.” Sooyoung kisses Jinsoul once before jerking at the blonde’s hair a little. Jinsoul leans back up as Sooyoung mumbles, “there’s no question about it Jinsoul.” 

Jinsoul looks rather pleased with herself as she lies back down next to Sooyoung. “So is this pillowtalk? I never really chit-chatted with anyone post-freak.” 

“What really?”

“Ew no, sex was like...I don’t know something I had to do to get what I wanted. Or if I was desperate enough for attention. I always felt awkward so I’d leave after the deed was done.” Jinsoul explains and Sooyoung scoots closer to her, “I also didn’t know it could feel this good.” Jinsoul’s cheeks warm at the confession and Sooyoung can hardly believe this is the same girl that wasn’t ashamed of anything just a few minutes ago. “I’ve never been intimate with anyone like I am with you, it’s always been a chore.” 

Sooyoung’s gaze flickers back and forth from Jinsoul’s eyes and the frown she’s wearing. “You’ve never made love?” 

Jinsoul shakes her head, “no, have you?”

If this was anyone else, Sooyoung couldn’t have answered that question. But it was pointless to think of an answer when it was right in front of her. “Yeah...with you.” Jinsoul’s cheeks are already rosey but Sooyoung’s comment deepens the blush. “Do you not think so?”

“I’ve never felt this way before.” Jinsoul shyly admits, averting her gaze elsewhere. “I’ve imagined what it would be like, being with someone that I was really into, but those fantasies don’t come close to how good you make me feel.” 

Sooyoung’s blood rushes to her head and her heart pounds in a tantrum, “come here.” Jinsoul obeys and Sooyoung’s enveloped in that addictive warmth once again. “Will you stay with me?” Sooyoung asks like she only means for tonight, but her question stretches to the future. Jinsoul nods and the silence falls over them. Sooyoung thinks she looks beautiful in the darkness like this. Spending most of this time drawing out Jinsoul’s features.

Face to face, Sooyoung asks, “if I could take you anywhere in the world where would it be?” Jinsoul blinks, confused, so Sooyoung elaborates, “Paris? Maybe Milan. Aren't those places big on fashion?” Jinsoul’s looking at her like she’s crazy and she is, since she’s bringing it up so suddenly, “what do you think about L.A, in America.” 

“It doesn’t matter really.” Jinsoul answers quickly, like she was given a pop quiz, “the place wouldn’t matter as long as you were with me. I’d go anywhere.” 

Sooyoung is done with her break.

Leaning over top of Jinsoul she whispers, “let’s do it again.” When Jinsoul without a pause kisses her Sooyoung thinks back to earlier, how she’s never heard anything more true than Jinsoul’s arrogant words.

Jinsoul’s the best lover she’s ever had. 

~~~~

Sooyoung is lost. Among the hundreds of flowers she’s admiring, not one of them quite  _ says  _ Jinsoul. She must look lost because suddenly a woman is behind her staring at her in a concerning manner that asks  _ do you need some help? _

Yes, Sooyoung needs a lot of help because this feeling is overwhelming. She’s going to LA soon and the faster the deadline approaches the more she dreads telling Jinsoul about it.

She realizes that she doesn’t want to leave.

Sooyoung doesn’t want Jinsoul to be an ocean apart from her. The thought is already painful. So she can’t imagine how much it’s gonna hurt when she’ll be barely able to call, not counting the fact that it’ll be impossible to do much else. 

She already misses her. Already misses the smile, her pretty brown eyes, her voice, everything. _. I won’t get to see her for almost a whole month. _

Is this what first love is? Yearning for someone that’s right in front of her? That she still longs for Jinsoul even when she’s in her arms. It doesn’t sound that bad but when she thinks about it Sooyoung doesn’t want to give something up so good for just this short amount of time. She needs it. 

She doesn’t know what exactly, all she knows is that Jinsoul is the one.

Sooyoung feels pitiful really. Ashamed that she’s this torn up over something so trivial, like she’s going away for years. What’s a few weeks? 

What if Jinsoul cries when she tells her...

“Are you looking for something in particular?” The woman asks and Sooyoung shakes her head. No she knows exactly who she’s looking for, who she wants. When the woman gives her a strange look Sooyoung realizes that she’s asking about flowers. Not about her aching heart. 

Sooyoung grimaces, “oh yeah sorry um...I’m going away for a um work trip and wanted to get flowers for my....friend.”  _ Yeah totally not obvious Sooyoung. _

The worker blinks and Sooyoung thinks she’s gonna forget this ever happened and go live in a cave. However the woman begins to wave her off before she can make that decision, “right this way.” Sooyoung follows her around the store which is surprisingly huge for a flower shop. When Sooyoung sees them she instantly knows. They’re pink and perfectly round, blossoming in such a beautiful pattern. “Camellias, they’re good for saying I miss you, they can be romantic, if you throw some white ones in.”

Sooyoung nods, “they’re perfect.” She brings one up to her nose. God they even smell like her. “ I kinda have a specific idea. Is that okay?” 

The woman perks up and Sooyoung feels the nerves start to boil. Maybe she should just keep it simple. Flowers were enough right? But the more she thinks about it, the urge gets stronger. “I wanted to do a couple deliveries, for when I’m gone to uh my friend. We’re very close and I thought of doing something nice for her since I’m gonna be away for a while.” 

She smiles, it’s that knowing kind of smile that freaks Sooyoung out, “sure I can do that, like scheduled deliveries?” Sooyoung gives another short nod and the woman waves her up to the front desk. 

Sooyoung stands awkwardly while the woman gets out a notepad and a calculator, presumably to come up with the price. When the woman looks at Sooyoung expectantly she begins to stutter, “um the address is…” Sooyoung gives all the information and what days she wants the flowers delivered and so far it isn’t so scary.

That’s until the last few questions, “so just pink camellias.” 

Sooyoung should just say yes, but her heart refuses to let her. “No, could you mix the pink and white please.” The woman’s pen stops scribbling for a second and Sooyoung’s heart hammers in her chest. Digging in her purse she pulls out notecards...all letters to Jinsoul that she wants attached to the deliveries. “Also could you place these in the flowers as well.” 

The woman takes the letters out of Sooyoung’s hands and stares at them for a few seconds. They’re sealed but all of them have Jinsoul written on the front of them. It’s embarrassing. Risky even. But Sooyoung would risk it all for Jinsoul rather than letting the blonde go without knowing how she feels.

And Sooyoung feels a lot. She spent all night writing those letters. 

“How old are you?” Sooyoung’s brows raise at the question.

“T-twenty four.” 

The woman shakes her head, “I was that old when I met the love of my life too. I’ve been with her for sixteen years now.” The heat raises on Sooyoung’s cheeks, “you’ve got it bad huh?” 

If this was a year ago, before she met Jinsoul. Sooyoung would have raised her hands and told the woman she’s got it all wrong. But it’s different now. Sooyoung’s never even considered getting flowers for anyone else, let alone talked about someone in this way. Instead she lets out a nervous giggle smile growing wide at the thought of Jinsoul, “tell me about it.” 

It’s quiet then as the woman finishes up her work. Sooyoung pays her for all of it and thankfully it wasn’t that expensive. Little does she know the woman only charged her for the flowers and not the delivery fee. 

When she’s being handed her change back is when she’s asked the question that’s been swirling in her head for weeks now. “Does she know? That you love her? Or is she a clueless friend of yours.” Sooyoung almost drops all the change but manages to fumble it into her hands. 

Does Jinsoul know?

Sooyoung thinks that there’s a chance, but she isn’t certain.

Shaking her head no the woman frowns. “I’m sure she’ll know after this. I...travel safely, I’ll make sure these make it to her in one piece.” Sooyoung doesn’t understand the reaction at first but recognizes the disappointment in the woman’s features. 

She thinks Jinsoul is unaware of her feelings.

When that isn’t the case at all.

That’s her past.

Jinsoul is...she’s Sooyoung’s future.

“The flowers, they’re for my…” Sooyoung starts out and the woman turns back to her. Sooyoung glances down at her hands, “they’re for my girlfriend. I haven’t got the guts to tell her how I truly feel yet.” 

The woman smiles and it’s sincere. Loving Jinsoul isn’t only good for her. It’s right. It’s always been right and Sooyoung feels so stupid for not realizing it earlier. 

She thinks from the moment she first met Jinsoul it was meant to be.

It felt right in that very first moment.

“Well you better tell her before you go.”

That’s all she says before disappearing into the back and Sooyoung is left speechless. From now and when she gets on that plane she has to tell Jinsoul.

Sooyoung’s gotta let her know.

~~~~

“Boss are you gonna be alright?” Haechan is hovering over her desk where she was currently face planting into a stack of documents. Things that needed to get signed, things that needed to be read but for the meantime were being ignored. 

Simply put it, Sooyoung was exhausted.

Raising her hand up in place of her head since she didn’t feel like speaking, Sooyoung gives her high-energy employee a thumbs up. “Okay...um do you need me to do anything before I-”

Groaning loudly she interrupts his blabbering, “Go home Haechan, please, just go home.” His voice was piercing her ears, the lack of sleep was finally getting to Sooyoung. She hears his footsteps fumble out of the door and Sooyoung is left with peace and quiet. 

Raising up she wipes at her tired eyes and swipes over her desk in the effort to find her glasses. Feeling the metal against her fingertips she picks them up and situates them against her face, only for them to be upside down.

Sooyoung groans while jerking them off. She hated crunch time. There was so much to do in a little amount of time. 

With her glasses on straight she hunches over her computer for the fiftieth time. Sooyoung gets a bit of work done before she starts to sway. She tries to make her eyes wide but they only droop in the matter of seconds.

She doesn’t have any more coffee and Sooyoung knows if she tried to venture out to grab a cup she’d probably pass out somewhere on the way. Resting her head on her hand she blinks slowly at the buzzing screen of her computer. Maybe a five minute break wouldn’t be so bad. 

Sooyoung will...just rest her eyes, only for a moment.

Her whole body starts to sink into her chair. She’s so tired...and this desk is the most comfortable thing in the world. Sooyoung drifts in and out. She lets go and sleep comes instantly. 

~

Jinsoul jams the button on the elevator more than necessary. It was past nine o’clock and Sooyoung was supposed to meet her over an hour ago. 

She hasn’t seen her in days and Jinsoul hates how much she was starting to miss Sooyoung. 

The ride up Jinsoul taps her heel against the floor and glances at her hands. In one of them, she has a warm cup of tea, the other with a bag full of snacks. Jinsoul recalls how Sooyoung barely looks after her health so she was gonna make sure her girl was in top shape.

Jinsoul perks up when the elevator dings and she waits for the doors to slide open before strutting out. Sooyoung’s office is quiet and the few employees that were left look like zombies. Most of the computers are buzzing and there’s one lone employee still working on the game, from his small cubicle various beeps and melodies play out.

The office has a weird and kinda creepy ambience to it. Jinsoul guesses it’s because most of these guys have lost their soul by overworking it. That’s why she’s here to make sure that Sooyoung doesn’t go down the same route. 

Making it to Sooyoung’s private office, to the back and near the right corner, she keeps her blinds down so Jinsoul can’t see inside. Rushing to peek through the wooden door frame Jinsoul’s aches at the site. 

Sooyoung is sleeping...but it looks uncomfortable. Jinsoul sneaks inside and shuts the door quietly as she can before making her way over to Sooyoung. Sitting down the tea and snacks, Jinsoul starts to brush Sooyoung’s hair with her fingers, gently as she can so she doesn’t wake the girl up. 

Leaning down Jinsoul kisses the side of Sooyoung’s head. The girl stirs in her sleep and Jinsoul smiles when she mumbles some nonsense she can’t understand. Jinsoul peels Sooyoung off the desk and back into her chair before taking off her coat to drape it over the girl. “I’ll give you thirty more minutes okay?”

Jinsoul pets at Sooyoung one more time before going to sit on the desk. Watching Sooyoung sleep peacefully Jinsoul shakes her head and smiles, “poor baby.”

_ I wonder what you’re dreaming of.  _

~

She’s dreaming of somewhere warm.

Sooyoung’s half awake now but can’t move. She’s stuck in some sort of limbo and it’s warmer than the dream. Sooyoung hums and slowly stirs awake, not fully conscious yet. 

One eye cracks open and her vision blurs. 

It’s Jinsoul, leaned against the desk, her eyes closed. Sooyoung blinks and realizes the girl is humming. Looking down Sooyoung sees that Jinsoul is holding her hand and there’s a coat acting as a blanket that wasn’t there before. Sooyoung sits up straighter and it gets Jinsoul’s attention.

She’s speechless. 

Because Jinsoul smiles and Sooyoung swears it sparkles. “Finally, babe I was getting so worried you were totally out of it.” Sooyoung is still dazed while Jinsoul sits on the desk across from her. Suddenly there’s a cup of something being held out to her. Sooyoung sniffs and the fragrance instantly relaxes her. “I know you like coffee better but it’s the last thing you need.”

Sooyoung takes over the cup and clenches onto Jinsoul’s denim jacket that was starting to slip down. The blonde reaches behind her and Sooyoung’s cheeks warm once she sees all her favorite snacks. 

Holding out her hand, Sooyoung waits patiently. She feels awfully spoiled as Jinsoul starts to open a bag of gummies and Sooyoung doesn’t even have the sense to thank her. Jinsoul shares some with her and keeps some for herself. Sooyoung silently munches on the snack, taking sips of tea between chewing. 

Jinsoul’s style is more casual today, high waisted jeans and a collared sweater, it fits the girl so well. Sooyoung ears tint red as she stares, Jinsoul’s too attractive sometimes. Sooyoung can’t believe she’s still got this crush on Jinsoul after all this time. 

Do these fuzzy feelings ever go away?

Her senses slowly come back to her and Sooyoung finally can come up with words, “Jinsoul?” The blonde raises her brows, one cheek full of candy. Sooyoung blushes and for different reasons, loses her thoughts. Jinsoul’s eating some sort of jello now and holds out the spoon for Sooyoung to try. 

Sooyoung goes to grab it but Jinsoul dangles it out of reach, “let me.” Sooyoung grimaces since she’s never liked being babied, but she doesn’t exactly hate it either. Jinsoul doesn’t tease her for it when Sooyoung reluctantly takes the bite. “Is it good?” Sooyoung makes sure to glare at the blonde before ignoring her. She doesn’t want to give Jinsoul any more ideas. 

She begins to tire again, especially when Jinsoul starts playing with her hair. Sooyoung’s hand stretches out to hold onto Jinsoul’s knee so she can keep upright. Jinsoul must notice and stands, “come on let’s go home.” Sooyoung’s heart flutters at the word. She doesn’t really consider her messy apartment as her home at least not now. When she thinks of home she thinks of a few different things. 

Her sisters mostly...sometimes even her parents. Now, it’s in Jinsoul’s arms. Sooyoung finishes up her tea and stands as well, handing Jinsoul her denim coat back. The girl slips it on before gathering Sooyoung things for her as she stretches and yawns. 

Sooyoung grabs onto Jinsoul’s arm, wrapping around it as the blonde escorts them out. On their way through the office Sooyoung frowns at all her tired workers. Sure, they’re free to go home after a certain time but many, like herself, are pressured to stay due to deadlines. Sooyoung hates how the industry is progressing.

Creativity is getting less important, and it’s more about who can get a working game out in a quicker time. She made sure her game isn’t going to fall in such a category and hopes in the future things will be handled in a caring way. This was her art and she wanted it to be treated as such. 

Jinsoul leads them to the elevator and Sooyoung slumps over top of her. The girl huffs as Sooyoung lays her head on her shoulder. Basically using Jinsoul as a pillow, “listen...I know you’re tired babe but I’m no freaking she-ra, you’re heavy.” 

Sooyoung whines and flops onto Jinsoul further, wrapping her arms loosely around the blonde’s waist. “Hold me please, I’m so stressed.” Jinsoul grumbles something and gives in to Sooyoung’s pleas. Sooyoung grins to herself when Jinsoul cradles the back of her head. It’s too easy winning over Jinsoul’s affection and of course she was going to take full advantage of it.

“I’m sure everything will be fine, you’re a self proclaimed genius after all.” Jinsoul says sarcastically but Sooyoung takes it as a compliment.

Nosing into the crook of Jinsoul’s neck, Sooyoung’s words come out muffled against skin. “Just because I’m smart doesn’t mean my game is gonna do well.” The elevator bounces and starts to crawl down all the floors, “it’s scary, especially how the industry is right now. Everyone’s scrambling to put out a decent game, some companies have been going bankrupt since the market crash in 83’.” Sooyoung rants and Jinsoul only holds her tighter, “I can’t help but to worry that the game will go unnoticed.” 

“Is this your first time working on something so big?”

Sooyoung hums, “no, but it’s my first time leading the development.” Her first time was easier, she had to follow orders. This time she has to make them, not something she’s gotten used to yet. “I worked on Excitebike last year.” 

Jinsoul pushes her back and Sooyoung is confused by the bewildered stare the girl’s giving her, “Excitebike, like Nintendo excitebike.” Jinsoul’s hands are clenched to her shoulders and Sooyoung swears they’re even trembling.

Sooyoung nods like it isn’t big news or anything, “yeah, I mean, I don’t work for Nintendo but there’s this representative Lee Sooman that’s overwatching me right now. Seeing if I’m up to the challenge or whatever. If this does well I’ll be working on titles for the NES in the future. So this is really important to me.” Sooyoung’s dream is to work at Nintendo so she really doesn’t wanna screw anything up. 

Jinsoul tilts her head, seemingly in awe, “that’s so freaking hot.” Sooyoung’s gaze narrows as Jinsoul’s becomes hooded, “do you know if this elevator has cameras?” Her brows then rise to the ceiling especially now that she notices how dark Jinsoul’s eyes have gotten. “Because if there isn’t I’m gonna-” 

The elevator dings and Sooyoung blushes as a janitor shuffles in, pushing them to the side of the tiny box. He quirks his lips at them before continuing to bop his head to whatever music was playing on his walkman. 

Sooyoung’s heart is rumbling like an engine, if he hadn’t interrupted whatever was about to happen…

Turning to Jinsoul she spots the red tint on the girl’s ear. Jinsoul glares at her, “pretend that never happened.” 

“You want me to ignore the nerdgasm you just had because of me?” 

“It wasn’t a...ugh whatever, I’m not gonna entertain you, weirdo.” 

The janitor is stealing glances at them but Sooyoung can’t find herself to care, since she has the perfect opportunity to tease Jinsoul. “Oh okay, says you the one who just-”

Sooyoung shuts her mouth when Jinsoul gives her the deadliest stare she’s ever seen. Jinsoul crosses her arms and begins to pout. Sooyoung guesses she’s getting the silent treatment. 

~

They make it into Sooyoung’s apartment without speaking a word since the elevator. Sooyoung sits her things down and peeks at Jinsoul who’s tugging her sneakers off, “are we good now?” Jinsoul doesn’t spare a glance and continues to ignore her. Sooyoung rolls her eyes, “fine be like that.” 

She doesn’t mind Jinsoul acting up, but she would rather have the blonde talking her ear off. However, when Sooyoung goes to flop on the couch Jinsoul tugs the elbow of her coat sleeve. Turning to the girl Sooyoung’s smile is impossible to contain when Jinsoul begins to undo her tie for her, even slipping off her coat to hang it on the rack. 

This leaves Sooyoung only in her dress shirt, skirt and stockings. Her bare feet pad on the apartment’s floor and she practically tosses herself on the sofa. Sooyoung leans her head back onto the cushion and lets out the longest sigh. Instantly, exhaustion and relief pours over her now that she’s in the comfort of her own space, better yet Jinsoul’s with her. A good end to a long day.

Sooyoung’s breath evens out and she becomes limp on the sofa, slowly sinking into a comfy position. She hears Jinsoul rattling around in the kitchen. Sooyoung doesn’t know her head is being stared through right now. She doesn’t feel the heat of the gaze, nor the pain.

Jinsoul’s breath stops. Her body is tense against the counter. She hears Sooyoung sighing out tiredly while she becomes high-strung with anxiety. Facing away from the sofa, Jinsoul shakily exhales and grabs a glass from the cabinet before turning on the sink.

She fills the glass with water and downs it with one go. It does nothing to ease the burning pit of panic in her chest. Next to the sink lies Sooyoung’s plane ticket to L.A.

In two weeks.

It’s a one way trip.

Jinsoul had spotten it while she went to sit her stuff down on the table in the middle of Sooyoung’s small kitchen. Among it was mail and other notices, such as business letters and to do lists. Tears pricked her eyes as she read the details. 

“Soul? Are you alive?” Sooyoung calls out jokingly. It isn’t seconds later until Jinsoul appears behind her. Sooyoung smiles up at her, lips stretching out just for Jinsoul. No one has ever made her this genuinely happy. Jinsoul brushes her hand across Sooyoung’s forehead, holding her hair back as she leans down to press an affectionate kiss ever so softly in the center.

Sooyoung’s eyes flutter as they close, “you’re being awfully sweet, you’re not mad anymore?” 

“I’m not mad. I was never mad at you.” Jinsoul smiles at her, but the smile doesn’t reach her eyes. That’s when Sooyoung notices the unspilled tears. Jinsoul quickly wipes at them, “I drank water too fast.” Jinsoul’s lie fails, Sooyoung knows immediately she’s lying.

Jinsoul doesn’t allow her to analyze it though, making her way around the sofa to carefully pull Sooyoung’s glasses off. “You should go wash up.”

Sooyoung grabs onto one retreating wrist and Jinsoul flinches. She lets go as quickly as she latches on, aware of how nervous Jinsoul is. How she seems...afraid. “Let's go together.” Jinsoul nods and allows Sooyoung to take her hand. Sooyoung feels queasy, Jinsoul’s hand is trembling, clammy. 

She pushes the uneasy thoughts to the back of her mind even though she knows something’s wrong. Sooyoung mindlessly starts to undress and runs the bath. Jinsoul is just as quiet, staring out into empty space.

Sooyoung’s tummy twists with worry. It’s so unlike Jinsoul to be like this. But Sooyoung isn’t for sure how to ask what’s wrong. The girl is incredibly defensive right now, when Sooyoung asks if she’d like to wash up first Jinsoul only glances at her for a fleeting moment before shaking her head timidly.

She washes off before soaking in hot water. Sooyoung brings her knees to her chest while sitting in the tub. The steam rises from the water, and soon clouds the bathroom in humid air. She watches Jinsoul from her lower position. 

The girl scrubs her makeup off and brushes her hair in a slow, rhythmic manner. Completely void of any emotion. Sooyoung curls into herself even more as she stares and waits. Waits for whatever weird dream this is to be over.

She convinces herself that she must had fallen asleep on the couch and now she’s having some sort of nightmare. Jinsoul glances at her and Sooyoung knows that this is real. The look Jinsoul gives her is everything but a dream. Sooyoung feels so small under that gaze.

“Jinsoul, you’re being quiet.” The girl turns away from her again, beginning to wash her face. Sooyoung’s voice is choked but she powers through. “Why are you being so quiet?”

“I’m just tired.” Jinsoul’s tone is pointed. Sooyoung shivers at the intensity of it.

“You talk more when you’re sleepy.” It’s true, whenever Jinsoul gets slap happy she goes on and on. Now she refuses to say a word. “Jung Jinsoul.” The girl fights it at first but gives in, turning her gaze back to Sooyoung. Still Jinsoul refuses to directly look at her and Sooyoung pleads, “come here, the bath feels nice.” 

Jinsoul reluctantly listens, dragging off her clothes before stepping in. She sits across from Sooyoung and the older girl can’t help but let out a relieved puff of air. Jinsoul’s obviously upset. Sooyoung wants to figure it out so she can make it better. “What’s wrong?” 

The girl across from her sinks into the water, there’s not much room so their knees knock together in the tight space. “Nothing. I told you-” 

“That you’re just tired, yeah I don’t buy it.” Jinsoul lowers her head, “will you tell me later.” No response, “In the morning?” 

Jinsoul shrugs her shoulders. Sooyoung knows how sensitive Jinsoul can be, but hardly ever does she get this down. She looks so fragile at this moment, like she’ll break at the smallest touch. “Are you gonna talk to me at all?” 

She waits for an answer that she never gets. 

Sooyoung leans back and tries to relax, focuses on the ripples of water that appear whenever one of them dares to move. It’s like this for the rest of the time, everytime Sooyoung sneaks a glance she catches Jinsoul staring at her, only for the girl to quickly look away.

When Sooyoung grows tired of whatever this is she slips out from the tub, dragging Jinsoul with her. The water had become lukewarm anyways. Slipping a towel around Jinsoul’s body she dries the girl’s hair too. Jinsoul is still mute. 

Sooyoung gives up on trying to get Jinsoul to talk. It’s like pulling tooth and nail. Her lover has proved time and time again how stubborn she can be. Finishing up drying Jinsoul’s hair with a spare towel she studies the girl just for a second.

Her eyes were tightly closed and her nose scrunched up. Sooyoung thought it was adorable, especially when one eye cracks open. She leans forward to press her lips against Jinsoul’s. The softness makes Sooyoung dizzy and when Jinsoul kisses back, some of the worry fades.

“Let’s go to bed if you’re tired.” 

The silence is no longer uncomfortable as Sooyoung slips on a nightdress. Jinsoul only borrows a sleep shirt before curling underneath the pile of blankets on Sooyoung’s bed. Once settled, the quiet of the night becomes heavy.

Sooyoung scoots closer to Jinsoul seeking out that warmth that always soothes her. “I hate seeing you upset.” Sooyoung mutters, reaching out to smooth over the soft skin of Jinsoul’s thigh. “I really hate it you know.” 

Whenever Jinsoul would stay over they’d talk all the way through the night. About everything, anything. Jinsoul would either listen to Sooyoung, or tell her own stories. But with this invisible wall between them and the previous exhaustion bearing down, Sooyoung can’t do anything but hope that tomorrow will be different.

Jinsoul is holding her hand. 

Sooyoung squeezes on tight, and sleep comes easy.

Jinsoul waits, it’s maybe hours before she has the courage to move. Sooyoung had fallen asleep facing her, holding onto her hand like a lifeline. Jinsoul thinks she looks so peaceful like this and wants it to stay this way forever. 

But tomorrow will change nothing.

Sooyoung’s still leaving.

Leaning up, Jinsoul brushes some stray hairs from Sooyoung’s face. Looking at the clock she sighs realizing it’s almost four am. She’s going to leave. Jinsoul needs to leave before Sooyoung wakes up.

With tears dripping down onto the pillow Jinsoul kisses Sooyoung maybe for the last time and whispers out onto warm lips, “I love you.” Her voice cracks, and Jinsoul feels like she’s choking on thin air. “I’m sorry that I fell in love with you.”

She rises and continues to pet Sooyoung’s head, the girl softly snoring, the sound pierces through the quietness. “Please don’t hate me.” Jinsoul will do what she can. She’s become too much for Sooyoung, so she’ll give her the space she needs. 

Jinsoul can’t lose Sooyoung like this.

So she’ll hold onto her love in secret. Jinsoul isn’t prepared for heartbreak just yet. She isn’t ready for the plunge. Jinsoul leaves moments later, not even making a peep as she walks away. Leaving Sooyoung alone. 

Sooyoung’s hand clenches around nothing. 

~~~~

If it’s a sailorloona fic, somebody’s nose is gonna get broken. I really hope this chapter is good for you all... I'm sorry about how long and corny it was. Very sorry for the end too, but I wanted to make somebody mad tonight. 

As always, lots of love and thank you all for the comments and support I deeply appreciate it <3

  
I would recommend listening to nite and day Al B. Sure and Uhh Ahh (sequel version) Boyz II Men during this chapter...although you all probably already read by the time you see this so

  
  
  



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